Re: Uncomfortable Situations

[Guest guest]

Jill,

Unfortunately I don't have any answer about your food events at work since I've

been lucky enough to have very supportive people around me. My bf even asked

which restaurants I can eat at since we are celebrating his birthday this

weekend.

However, as for your co-workers being upset because you chose not to go to the

bar with them...would they ask an alcoholic to sit in a bar all evening with

them? Well, expecting you to do so is virtually the same thing. Alcohol is

poison to those of us with candida overgrowth. In fact, the " forbidden " foods

on this diet are tantamount to eating poison as well. They make us extremely

ill.

Maybe you could explain this to them. Being on this program is not a

choice...it is a life saving tool for most of us. If these people are your

friends they will understand.

JMHO

Ellen

[ ] Uncomfortable Situations

How do you all deal with uncomfortable situations that involve food

with family and friends? It seems like meals are the choice event for

social interactions.<<<

>>>They also planned a team outing for tonight at a bar. I'm here at

home. I just couldn't deal with sitting there watching all of them

drinking the alcohol that I can't have, eating the food I can't eat,

and having a good time. I feel like an observer of my former life

sometimes. I also feel alienated from them as well. They weren't

happy with me for choosing not to go. <<<

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your quick response Ellen! I've been feeling rather down

about this! My feelings were truly hurt and I was even a bit angry.

Like I said, I was really surprised at the lack of support. I tried

to explain and they know about the illness - I generally find it

easier to just tell it like it is than to skirt the issue.

Thank you for your comparison about the alcoholic. That made me feel

a little better. And it's a good comparison.

I tried to explain/reiterate that eating that way or drinking makes

me very ill and I just can't cheat anymore because it's too high of a

price to pay. You're right - maybe they aren't true friends. It's

making my work environment stressful too - which isn't good for my

health either.

What hurt my feelings even more is that we have some religious folks

on our team who do not drink, period. They accept that those

individuals will not be there, but it's not accepted that I don't

want to be there. The expectation is that I should go even though it

would be so difficult for me.

I try to understand and it is probably hard to understand why I used

to go along and now I won't. However, they have watched me be ill

the past two years and have commented on how I'm doing better. I

guess I thought they would be more understanding.

What restaurants can you eat at? I live in the mid-west (US) and

have racked my brain trying to think of somewhere I could suggest

that wouldn't cause me problems. What can you order? How do you

know that they fix it correctly - other than become sick and find out

later if they don't? I have found that I am reacting more quickly

and more negatively recently. I don't know if that's because I'm

healing, but I don't want to ruin any progress I've made.

You're right. It is a lifesaving tool and I'm not willing to

just " go along " to keep from ruffling any feathers anymore. It's too

high of a price to pay. However, I lack the coping skills I guess.

What do you do if someone makes a big deal about your diet? How does

the waitstaff respond to your requests?

Thanks!

Jill

[Guest guest]

--- garnejil <garnejil@...> wrote:

> How do you all deal with uncomfortable situations

> that involve food

> with family and friends? It seems like meals are

> the choice event for

> social interactions.

You're right, they are. While it can be difficult at

first -- it get MUCH better with practice -- it's also

an opportunity for the people around you to stretch

their minds a bit. Even if they don't initially want

to.

> The team that I work with wants to have a team lunch

> as a celebration.

I work at an advertising agency, and a lot of bonding

takes place around food and alcohol. You can't really

ask people to not do food things, because as you found

out it doesn't go over very well.

Here are a few of the strategies that I use:

One, I alway carry a basket of food around with me,

and that way I don't get caught in tight situations.

If everyone decides to order pizza for lunch, I don't

get stuck in a bind. Most days I bring my own lunch

anyhow. I eat before going out to eat with others, and

I eat before going over to someone's house for dinner.

Sounds weird, but it works.

Two, when ordering in I'm now an expert at knowing

which restaurants around my office deliver, so I can

call my own food in and bend anyone else out of shape.

Three, I've got people trained to not suggest junk

food restaurants if we're going to go out. But then

that was easy, because I never ate that stuff even

before I had candida.

Four, there's almost always something on the menu at a

normal restaurant that I can order. If your friends

decide to go out to a Asian restaurant, which can be

deadly for someone with candia, eat something BEFORE

you go out so you won't be hungry and tempted (I know,

not much fun) and then order vegetables and meat with

no sauces. All of the sauces in Asian restaurants

usually have soy, sugar, MSG, or vinegar in them. I

got very, very sick on a trip like that once, even

after being assured that there was no offending

substance in the food.

> I have made the commitment to my health that I'm not

> going to " cheat "

> and go along as I would have in the past.

Good for you. Don't budge from that spot.

> Then I was

> told that " it's your choice " and I disagree with

> that. The choice was

> made for me when my doctor overprescribed

> antibiotics and put me in

> this poor state of health.

I know the anger and frustration of not having others

understand. It certainly isn't very pleasant. Shit

happens though. I have found others' insensitivity to

be a good opportunity to reflect on all of the ways

that through my own actions or words I have been or

still am insensitive to the needs of others.

> I was told that " there's only one of you and there's

> [x number] of

> us " .

That one's a battle you're not going to win, so I

wouldn't even try. A food anthropoligist (and, yes,

they do exist) would tell you that food = sex and

that food is much more important than sex, since you

only have to have sex a couple of times in your life

to preserve mankind, but you have to eat about three

times a day. People have a pretty strong attachment to

food.

Although I must say that your coworkers sound pretty

insensitive.

> I will have to answer

> questions, will be singled

> out, and probably be the subject of jokes that day.

You might be, but people get used to it. I'm the brunt

of food jokes all the time, especially when I drop big

globs of coconut oil in my tea, but it's a good

natured kind of joking. It's the way that people are

able to deal with me being weird or different.

> My feelings are

> hurt by the lack of support and understanding.

I feel for you. I think it's even harder with family

than with friends. Sometimes people just don't

understand, and it takes a while for them to get it.

> They also planned a team outing for tonight at a

> bar. I'm here at

> home. I just couldn't deal with sitting there

> watching all of them

> drinking the alcohol that I can't have, eating the

> food I can't eat,

> and having a good time.

I hate to keep sounding like Pollyanna (and you can

just tell me to cease and desist in the future), but

this is a great opportunity for you to reflect on

things. The important part about being with other

people isn't the alcohol or the food, but the people.

And you CAN have a good time without drinking and

eating bar food, both of which are bad for anyone. In

the future, my suggestion would be to eat before you

go out and then leave as soon as everyone starts

getting blitzed. Then you've put in an appearance and

had a chance to hang out for a bit. If you're not

drinking, it's REALLY boring to be around people after

about their third drink.

> I feel like an observer of

> my former life

> sometimes.

You are in a way. But then you're also on a learning

journey that will help you maintain your health for

the rest of your life. Not a bad deal.

Muchos saludos,

Jeanne OTS

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

So far I've had absolutely no problems at any of the restaurants I've been to.

Of course, I totally avoid Chinese which used to be one of my favorites.

I've been to a couple of steak places...always ask for broiled or grilled steak

with no marinades, etc. and grilled or sautéed veggies done in olive oil or

butter, plus a salad with olive oil and lemon on the side or no dressing at all.

My requests have been fulfilled with absolutely no problems.

We've also been to a local place called the Fish Market...that one was extra

easy!

If you have a Chili's near you, they have stuff you can eat. We recently had

lunch catered from there for a meeting I attended. I had grilled shrimp with

lime juice and Mexican spices and a great salad. I know they have grilled

burgers and such as well.

We plan to go to Z'tejas this weekend. I am not familiar with their menu but my

niece says they have grilled shrimp with Mexican seasoning, grilled chicken, all

kinds of salads, and carne asada; so I'm sure I'll manage okay. If need be I'll

eat a small salad there and have an egg shake when I get home.

Remember Jill,...you are the customer. Don't be afraid to ask for what you

want, the way you want it!

Ellen

[ ] Re: Uncomfortable Situations

>>>What do you do if someone makes a big deal about your diet? How does

the waitstaff respond to your requests?<<<

[Guest guest]

Jeanne,

Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it. Your thoughts

and comments are right on. I also appreciate your suggestions on how

to handle these situations.

I avoided one tonight and happened to spend it reflecting - by

spending time on this message board with people who truly understand,

eating my coconut oil and veggies with garlic and shallots for

dinner, and mentally working through this difficult situation.

I'm glad I didn't go tonight. I don't think I'm quite strong enough

not to cave in yet and I know that about myself. I agree, it

probably will get easier in the future. People think I'm weird

already at work so I guess this will be just one more thing to add to

their list. I love to watch professional wrestling and I have lots

of pets (bearded dragon, african fat-tail gecko, leopard gecko, about

30 hermit crabs-several varieties-, fish, and a dog. People tease me

about living in a zoo and make fun of my WWE calendar in my cubicle.

Again, those are choices so that must be why it doesn't bother me as

much.

I also have a hard time with people making assumptions about why I'm

really doing this. I am also having a hard time with people

accepting that I use my lunch hour to workout most days (3-4 a

week). For this lunch that they are planning, they asked which days

I was available. I told them. They picked a day that I wasn't

available and then questioned me. They have decided that it's okay

that I'm not available if I have a meeting, but it's not okay if I

have plans for lunch (which happen to be to workout). It doesn't

stop me, but it bothers me that they think they can judge my reasons

and decide for me.

I'm going to keep your advice in mind. It's not Pollyannaish - it's

right on. I'm just wallowing a bit because my feelings are hurt.

Do you have any suggestions for " approved " restaurants?

Thanks again! Your comments are right on the mark and I thank you

for taking the time to respond.

Jill

[Guest guest]

> What restaurants can you eat at? I live in the mid-west (US) and

> have racked my brain trying to think of somewhere I could suggest

> that wouldn't cause me problems. What can you order?

Hi Jill,

I used to eat out a lot, but not hardly ever now. Good restaurants

would be better steak or seafood places. Mexican, Indian, and Middle

Eastern all have dishes that wouldn't be majorly cheating. For

example, I occasionally get Mexican and order a Fajita and leave out

everything but the meat, cooked veggies, and fresh veggies. If you

are concerned about mushrooms, you could ask for them to be left out.

Green peppers aren't on the diet, but I don't imagine having them

rarely is much of a problem. In general, avoid Chinese because

everything is full of sugar, even the meat dishes. There are Korean

dishes that are good. I have lunch at a Japanese restaurant about

once a month and get Bim Bam Bap (a Korean dish), but without the

rice. It has raw veggies, beef, and an egg on top. It comes with

miso soup and kimchee. If you like raw fish, then Japanese is the way

to go. If you go to a nice restaurant, just get some type of meat or

seafood cooked in a simple way and get a double side of veggies and a

plain salad with lemon wedges and olive oil for the dressing. I

learned to love blackened fish after going to a Cajun restaurant and

finding that was the only dish I could have. It was heavenly. Now I

make my own version almost every day.

If you go out to a bar, just drink water and don't make any

apologies. I used to do this all the time. I never drank much before

anyway. Look at it this way, you are learning how to take care of

your body now, which is a skill that will help you to have a healthy,

productive life (once the candida is gone). Try not to feel too bad

about the fact that you can no longer join in on the self destructive

activities of the rest of the world. I've been on a candida diet for

over a year, and I've gradually come to realize that this is a good

way to eat for life (with a bit more variety later on).

For the most part, you have to learn to please youself and not worry

so much about what other's think. They will move on to some other

concern if you just ignore their comments. I have to pack all of my

own food every time I visit family because none of them serve anything

I can eat. I even have to pack my own holiday meals, but I learned to

put a big salad on my plate and maybe some turkey if they have that,

and then do the rest of my eating before or after the meal. It's a

shame to have to do that, but I'm at the point where I just don't care

about anything else other than getting well. I try to be as

inconspicuous as possible, but it's my body and I'm responsible for

what goes into it, no apologies!

Good luck,

Jan

[Guest guest]

--- garnejil <garnejil@...> wrote:

> How do you all deal with uncomfortable situations

> that involve food

> with family and friends? It seems like meals are

> the choice event for

> social interactions.

Well for me each situation is different so hence a

different response from me. I do go out once a month

with my hubby to a restaurant called Black Angus, and

I find no problem ordering food from there.

You can order a steak, and then get steamed veggies

and/or a salad. Bring your own dressing in a little

container in your purse (lemon/olive oil and salt is

really good!).

I rarely go out with my co-workers to eat, but if I do

I eat first and then just order herbal tea when I'm

out with them. Since I've filled myself up first then

I'm full and it's not as uncomfortable for me

physically.

Ordering tea is at least an order and you are doing

something social I guess. But I find that many

restaurants will accomodate your special needs if you

speak up.

You might want to compromise and ask the group if they

can eat somewhere where you can eat too. Eating this

way can be isolating but you know doing anything worth

something is isolating, you know?

Especially when you are surrounded by people making

bad choices. Trust me I know this first hand. My own

hubby eats junk food around me regularly.

I've never been a drinker so that's not something I

have experience with. One thing that helps me deal

with eating this way is that I have a best buddy that

eats this way too, and I make phone calls to her

daily.

It really keeps me grounded and helps me to know that

she experiences many of the same feelings and

experiences that I do. I makes me feel less lonely

and isolated.

Although she is far away, I still get that benefit.

Maybe you can buddy up with someone on this list?

Make frequent phone calls and emails to your buddy so

you can talk about how you feel with following this

diet, for your support system. This way of eating is

hard enough without support!

Keep in mind that there are going to be a lot of

people that are going to react badly to the good

choices you are making! Do you know why?

It makes them uncomfortable because for them it puts

light on the fact that they are not making good

choices themselves. They want to stay in denial and

keep believing they can eat junk and drink and be

healthy, when that's really not the case.

Anyways, I've rambled enough on this subject. I'd

like to give you a link that might help you with some

of the emotional stuff you are dealing with:

http://www.leadwiththediet.com

The diet is identical to this one, except a bit

stricter in that no butter or lemon juice is allowed.

But really the diet here is fine, it's just that I

want you know the advice won't be in conflict with the

advice you get here.

In particular, check out the essay/article section and

look for one entitled " Changes in OTHER people " . I

bet you'll find something for yourself in it.

Luv,

Debby

San , CA

Website for my son Hunter Hudson, born 10/11/04:

http://debbypadilla.0catch.com/hunter/

Today is the most important day.

[Guest guest]

--- Jeanne Vaughn <yuxtalineal@...> wrote:

> If you're not

> drinking, it's REALLY boring to be around people

> after

> about their third drink.

OK, I gotta disagree here, just for fun.

I've never been a fan of alcohol, but in my party days

I was around people who drank all the time and I was

sober.

Man people are stupid when they drink, and sometimes

it can be very funny! Each time I saw how stupid

people acted and the bad choices they made, I felt

better and better about not drinking myself!

I do a pretty good job of making bad choices and

acting stupid without the alcohol, thank you very

much! Don't need any help!

Plus I have very few inhibitions and I'm not shy... so

don't need help there either!

Luv,

Debby

San , CA

Website for my son Hunter Hudson, born 10/11/04:

http://debbypadilla.0catch.com/hunter/

Today is the most important day.

[Guest guest]

Jill wrote:

>

> Jeanne, Thank you so much for your response. I appreciate it.

Your thoughts and comments are right on. I also appreciate your

suggestions on how to handle these situations.

>

> I avoided one tonight and happened to spend it reflecting - by

> spending time on this message board with people who truly

understand, eating my coconut oil and veggies with garlic and

shallots for dinner, and mentally working through this difficult

situation.

==>Jill, when I had candida I went to parties at bars but I drank

club soda with a slice of lemon or lime - it fooled most people.

Many times I've had people come up to me and ask " what are you

drinking? " (they assumed that I was having a good time because of

alcohol) lol! Sometimes I'd say I'm not drinking, don't you wish

yur were sober! You can also drink Selzers or ask for water with

lemon.

>

> I also have a hard time with people making assumptions about why

I'm really doing this. I am also having a hard time with people

accepting that I use my lunch hour to workout most days (3-4 a

week). For this lunch that they are planning, they asked which days

> I was available. I told them. They picked a day that I wasn't

> available and then questioned me. They have decided that it's okay

> that I'm not available if I have a meeting, but it's not okay if I

> have plans for lunch (which happen to be to workout). It doesn't

> stop me, but it bothers me that they think they can judge my

reasons and decide for me.

==>People can be quite insensitive and think (incorrectly) that you

are weird or strange, however the fact is that they are weird, but

unfortunately it is caused by ignorance and because they swallow all

of the hype about foods, nutrition, etc. that is fed to us constantly

by the media.

==>Jill, just think to yourself that " you are the lucky one " . One

day you realized you had candida and you are studying and learning

and doing a lot to improve your health, which will set you up for the

rest of your life. But those people may be much worse off because

one day they may wake up with cancer caused by their ignorance (not

all their fault of course).

==>I'm fortunate that even though my family thinks I'm a bit strange

with my eating habits, they still respect them. My daughter doesn't

microwave meats and she tries to have butter, olive oil, and real

cream for my coffee (without additives) when I visit (she uses 2%

milk - yuk!). It's funny sometimes, because she will microwave their

steaks, but not mine! Crazy eh? But whenever I go out to eat I

usually take ocean sea salt & my own salad dressing. I've worked too

hard to let eating out ruin it!

> I'm going to keep your advice in mind. It's not Pollyannaish -

it's right on. I'm just wallowing a bit because my feelings are hurt.

==>Like the old saying goes " don't let the bast_ _ ds get you down "

Jill! It's onward and upward my friend!

>

> Do you have any suggestions for " approved " restaurants?

==>I live in Canada so I can't help you out there.

Bee

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your words Bee!

You mentioned family. My husband and son are fully supportive of me

and appreciate that they are eating healthier too. Although it is

tough when my husband wants to go to Dairy Queen! But I can manage

because he asks me first if it would bother me too much. He know's

I'm in transition and it's still hard.

I am concerned though about my parents. They are not at all

accepting. The last time they visited (and I didn't know it was the

candida yet so I was just eating healthier and watching my calories)

my mother was extremely insensitive because I wouldn't go out for

breakfast (to the greasy spoon) where she wanted to go. I didn't go

to breakfast with them (but my husband and son went with them) and

they left without saying goodbye. It will be tough if they come to

visit again because she makes it known when she's not happy about me

denying her of the food she wants.

Thanks!

Jill

[Guest guest]

hi jill!

well, thank goodness for your husband and son. regardning your

parents: if its too much of a difficult situation denying the family

breakfast at the local greasy spoon, i can say that this is one of

the easiest places to find low carb, candida diet friendly foods to

eat (usually not organically grown, grass fed, etc, but for a cheat,

this is one you might consider to " keep the peace " ).

you can order eggs! poached is pretty safe because you don't have to

even ask what oil they use to cook them, or splurge on some sunny

side up with the yolks still runny. the amount of oil they use to fry

the eggs and how much actually sticks to the egg is not so much

really. you might even order a scramble or omelet with some veggies

in it. many places offer sides of sliced tomatoes as a " diet " plate

instead of the potatoes (if its not on the menu just ask if you can

have the tomatoes instead). just smile and say no thanks when they

offer you toast or other carby stuff. sometimes you can get steak and

eggs, or similar dishes, on the menu for when you're really hungry!

when everyone else is having coffee and orange juice you can get a

cup of tea (you can ask for green tea and only steep the bag for a

few seconds, or maybe they have herbal tea!) or get some water and

lemon. depending on where you live they might offer things like fresh

salsa, or steamed/sauteed vegs. if you're a regular, you can feel

really comfortable asking the staff to help you with some food

choices, you could even practice with a few test runs with just your

hubby and son before your parents return, so there's no big fuss!

that was a weekend tradition when my husband and i still lived in ca.

we could walk to the best breakfast place in town, and it was so nice

to enjoy the " eating out atmosphere " , the place is always packed! i

knew i could get a good plate of food, and after the first few times

the waitstaff began to remember my order - " poached eggs and sauteed

vegetables! "

> My husband and son are fully supportive of me .

> I am concerned though about my parents. They are not at all

> accepting. The last time they visited (and I didn't know it was

the

> candida yet so I was just eating healthier and watching my

calories)

> my mother was extremely insensitive because I wouldn't go out for

> breakfast (to the greasy spoon) where she wanted to go. I didn't

go

> to breakfast with them (but my husband and son went with them) and

> they left without saying goodbye. It will be tough if they come to

> visit again because she makes it known when she's not happy about

me

> denying her of the food she wants.

>

> Thanks!

> Jill

>

[Guest guest]

Jill wrote:

>

> Thanks for your words Bee!

==>You are welcome Jill!

> You mentioned family. My husband and son are fully supportive of

me and appreciate that they are eating healthier too. Although it is

> tough when my husband wants to go to Dairy Queen! But I can manage

> because he asks me first if it would bother me too much. He know's

> I'm in transition and it's still hard.

==>That's good that your husband and son are so supportive. Your

husband would better off going to 's rather than Dairy Queen

because their hamburgers are 100% meat and don't contain fillers

(sometime soy) that other chains put in their hamburgers. Even you

could order the hamburger and eat the veggies and hamburger without

the bun and sauce.

>

> I am concerned though about my parents. They are not at all

> accepting. The last time they visited (and I didn't know it was

the candida yet so I was just eating healthier and watching my

calories) my mother was extremely insensitive because I wouldn't go

out for breakfast (to the greasy spoon) where she wanted to go. I

didn't go to breakfast with them (but my husband and son went with

them) and they left without saying goodbye. It will be tough if they

come to visit again because she makes it known when she's not happy

about me denying her of the food she wants.

==>Some mothers do have a complex about foods which is connected to

love, acceptance, etc. You could go to a greasy spoon and order

poached eggs.

Bee

[Guest guest]

Jeanne Vaughn <yuxtalineal@...> wrote: --- garnejil

<garnejil@...> wrote:

> You know, it takes courage to be different, and it

sounds like you're made out of the right stuff. Just

hang in there.

Thank you for this statement Jeanne---My daughter (8 yrs) needed that

encouragement from someone else. Children at school are trying to tempt her with

candy! She has stuck to it--and they tell her how " weird " we both are. She

opted to stop attending birthday parties because she said the party was about

the CAKE and not the child!

She is also the owner of a python, bearded dragon, and worm composting " farm " .

Debra O.

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1 & cent;/min.

[Guest guest]

--- debra bel osborn <virgobel26@...> wrote:

> Thank you for this statement Jeanne---My daughter (8

> yrs) needed that encouragement from someone else.

> Children at school are trying to tempt her with

> candy! She has stuck to it--and they tell her how

> " weird " we both are. She opted to stop attending

> birthday parties because she said the party was

> about the CAKE and not the child!

So glad to hear this! I feed my son nothing but meat,

veggies, small amounts of fruit and the very

occassional organic yogurt.

I add olive or coconut oil to his foods to give him

healthy fats and help fight off any possible candida.

I also add tiny amounts pf sea salt so he gets his

minerals.

He is forbidden by anyone in the family to give him

grains, potatoes, processed foods, etc. He eats Paleo

except the yogurt. I plan on letting him have some

nuts when he is older.

He is a very healthy happy boy, and breezed through

two bouts of the flu (that hubby and I unknowingly

passed to him) without skipping a beat (while hubby

and I felt like dying) and has only had one cold in

his short 18 months.

My biggest fear is that he will rebel (the way my

hubby did) and want more junk food than ever when he

grows up.

Hubby was raised by a low fat fanatic, so it might be

quite different, because I would always feel deprived

on low fat. Fat-free sour cream? YUCK!

I pray that my son will see that mommy feeds him this

way because she loves him and cares for his health,

and shun any mean kids.

Luckily here in california eating healthy is much more

accepted than other places, but you still see quite a

bit of sugar gluttony!

Also I worry that my hubby's bad habits will rub off

on my son. Does your hubby also eat this way and is

supportive of it?

Luv,

Debby

San , CA

Website for my son Hunter Hudson, born 10/11/04:

http://debbypadilla.0catch.com/hunter/

Today is the most important day.