Guest guest Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 > > scott, > > glad to know you are still around. i smiled when i saw you'd posted... > > heard any good jokes lately??? > > kam Hi Kam (and everyone), I spent three weeks in California for a work trip, came back, spent another five days in Las Vegas (Terri, my wife, went to the national " Curves " convention. She owns a franchise and tries to be involved.) We've also gone school hunting, visiting the University of Rhode Island for my graduating daughter. Then, during all that time, work has kept me pretty busy. So, I haven't had the time to keep up with the group. I still have a month's worth of digests to catch up on. But since you asked, enjoy. (Please forgive any formatting problems.) ---------- Calling in sick to work makes me uncomfortable because no matter how legitimate my illness, I always sense my boss thinks I am lying. On one occasion, I had a valid reason but lied anyway because the truth was too humiliating to reveal...... I simply mentioned that I had sustained a head injury and I hoped I would feel up to coming in the next day. By then, I could think up a doozy to explain the bandage on my crown. In this case, the truth hurt. I mean it really hurt in the place men feel the most pain. The accident occurred mainly because I conceded to my wife's wishes to adopt a cute little kitty. As the daily routine prescribes, I was taking my shower after breakfast when I heard my wife, Deb, call out to me from the kitchen. " Ed! " she harkened, " The garbage disposal is dead. Come reset it. " " You know where the button is. " I protested through the shower (pitter-patter). " Reset it yourself! " " I am scared! " She pleaded. " What if it starts going and sucks me in? " . . . .Pause. . . . . " C'mon, it'll only take a second. " No logical assurance about how a disposal can't start itself will calm the fears of a person who suffers from " Big-ol-scary- machinephobia, " acondition brought on by watching too many King movies. It is futile to argue or explain, kind of like telling Lloyd Bentsen, Americans are over-taxed. And if a poltergeist did, in fact, possess the disposal, and she was ground into round, I'd have to live with that the rest of my life. So out I came, dripping wet and buck naked, hoping to make a statementabout how her cowardly behavior was not without consequence but it was I who would suffer. I crouched down and stuck my head under the sink to find the button. It is the last action I remember performing. It struck without warning, without respect to my circumstances. Nay, it wasn't a hexed disposal, rawing me into its gnashing metal teeth, it was our new kitty, clawing playfully at the dangling objects she spied between my legs. She ( " Buttons " aka " the Grater " ) had been poised around the corner and stalked me as I took the bait under the sink. At precisely the second I was most vulnerable, she leapt at the toys I unwittingly offered and snagged them with her needle-like claws. Now when men feel pain or even sense danger anywhere close to their masculine region, they lose all rational thought to control orderly bodily movements. Instinctively, their nerves compel the body to contort inwardly, while rising upwardly at a violent rate of speed. Not even a well trained monk could calmly stand with his groin supporting the full weight of a kitten and rectify the situation in a step-by-step procedure. Wild animals are sometimes faced with a " fight or flight " syndrome; men, in this predicament, choose only the " flight " option. Fleeing straight up, I knew at that moment how a cat feels when it is alarmed. It was a dismal irony. But, whereas cats seek great heights to escape, I never made it that far. The sink and cabinet bluntly impeded my ascent; the impact knocked me out cold. When I awoke, my wife and the paramedics stood over me. Having been fully briefed by my wife, the paramedics snorted as they tried to conduct their work while suppressing their hysterical laughter. My wife told me I should be flattered. At the office, colleagues tried to coax an explanation out of me. I kept silent, claiming it was too painful to talk. " What's the matter, cat got your tongue? " If they had only known. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 20, 2005 Report Share Posted November 20, 2005 Oh, , I am SO sorry about your injury! But, you really made my day! Your explanations, painful as they were to you, really did come across as hysterically funny! (I am so sorry.) I was not a very good day here, so I do thank you! And I also hope that you are feeling a whole lot better! Is Kitty alive? Carole M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted November 21, 2005 Report Share Posted November 21, 2005 Carole, 's post was just a very funny joke - not a first hand experience! I asked him to share one as this seems to be a bit of a hobby for him. It did make me laugh quite a bit. I am sure he will have more gems to share with us in time... kam > > Oh, , I am SO sorry about your injury! But, you really made my day! > Your explanations, painful as they were to you, really did come across as > hysterically funny! (I am so sorry.) I was not a very good day here, so I do > thank you! And I also hope that you are feeling a whole lot better! > > Is Kitty alive? > > Carole M. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted January 4, 2007 Report Share Posted January 4, 2007 scot give me a call..need to know the doc that gives you the bicillin shot? eric Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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