Guest guest Posted June 10, 2001 Report Share Posted June 10, 2001 In a message dated 6/10/2001 9:32:03 AM Eastern Daylight Time, toil_for_lyme@... writes: > > Dear , > Unfortunately, these hurtful comments are common because people don't/can't > understand. Just remember that stupid people say stupid things. You can't > control them anymore than you can control having this disease. It's easy to > say " Don't worry about it " but that's about all you can do. You need to > keep on doing the things that make you feel better and help you cope with > this disease. You can't hide inside or hide from the cruelty of others! Dear Rose & all, Hi, what you say is true, totally true, but I'm in the same position that is in. Even tho I know that I can only control myself & my action & words, ..... still the cruel actions & words of others hurt me so much, often like my heart being pierced. I'm just so emotional & sensitive. I try to be so helpful to others, it would never occur to me to hurt anyone in any way, but there are hordes of others who think only of themselves & who are mean, spiteful & selfish to the core. This may not be exactly related, but last week I went shopping for a lamp & small area rug that my son said he needed for his new college dormitiory room. I found him a very nice, simple, solid navy-blue lamp with a little style, hexagonal, small Oriental type base, but very discrete, you'd notice it only if you looked closely. It was inexpensive, and I thought he'd be THRILLED to have it. I displayed it, was eagerly awaiting the happy, excited look on his face when he walked in the door after school. I was expecting a warm hug. I told him how I had been thinking of him & trying to help him prepare for college & would go with him any time to shop for the lampshade of his choice. Instead, he yelled at me for at least 15 minutes about how dare I get it without consulting him, how it was too large, how he had no interest in shopping for either lamps or lampshades, how it was too masculine, not the right anything, & just because I interfered in his life by trying to " pretend " to help him, he would rather smash it than use it. He had me in tears for hours. All I could say thru my tears was that the lamp was unimportant, it cost less than $10, he could give it away to someone who would love it & want to use it, but that my feelings were more important & that I truly love him & was trying to help him. I don't understand why it hurts me so badly, as do so many other things. Sometimes I can't understand how there could be any more tears left inside me, I hurt so badly. His father, my ex, treats me much worse, never forgets to remind me that I'm a total hypocrite & hypochondriac, that there could not be anything wrong with me, you all know that scene, because I " look healthy. " I'm on an anti-depressant now & it is helping a bit, but my heart still feels so broken & I feel so hurt deep down. I wish I had a lover or supportive spouse, but am all alone. Knowing how all my life I've wanted to help others & have always done so, I need to find out how to connect with others who feel the same way, who can give & care. The support here is wonderful, but it isn't enuf. Can anyone offer other suggestions for me & the others here that are in the same position? How can we get " tougher skins? " Yes, I am in therapy, in case you are wondering. Love to all, a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 10, 2001 Report Share Posted June 10, 2001 a, I am all alone too, my daughter lives a ferry ride and two trains away, my son goes to school in NC. but a if either of my kids did that to me, I would not have taken it as well as you did. (meaning you didn't smack him upside his head for speaking to you that way). the only thing that gets me through every day is an antidepressant. I still would like a significant other and at times get depressed over things. but its been a long time since I have really really cried over nothing. I have become much stronger because I have to be strong for me as well as my kids and grandkids. My son came home a few weeks ago and during a small spat about money he told me he knows he will have to take care of me the rest of his life and just wants us to save money towards that. I felt so bad guys, this is the last thing a kid in college needs to worry about. Anyway, a, your son may have other things on his mind other than the lamp that made him lash out at you. he may be very worried about you and not know how to express it. I know this will not be easy with a teen, but its time to have a talk with him. its not easy having a sick parent. he may need help with depression also. roe Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 10, 2001 Report Share Posted June 10, 2001 a, we all have those people in our lives. I just chooses to leave them alone, and if that don't work " no one is perfect " ,I find something about them to amuse myself with. Sheryl Re: [ ] Re: Re: Hello > In a message dated 6/10/2001 9:32:03 AM Eastern Daylight Time, > toil_for_lyme@... writes: > > > > > > Dear , > > Unfortunately, these hurtful comments are common because people don't/can't > > understand. Just remember that stupid people say stupid things. You can't > > control them anymore than you can control having this disease. It's easy to > > say " Don't worry about it " but that's about all you can do. You need to > > keep on doing the things that make you feel better and help you cope with > > this disease. You can't hide inside or hide from the cruelty of others! > > Dear Rose & all, > > Hi, what you say is true, totally true, but I'm in the same position that > is in. > Even tho I know that I can only control myself & my action & words, ..... > still the cruel actions & words of others hurt me so much, often like my > heart being pierced. I'm just so emotional & sensitive. I try to be so > helpful to others, it would never occur to me to hurt anyone in any way, but > there are hordes of others who think only of themselves & who are mean, > spiteful & selfish to the core. > > This may not be exactly related, but last week I went shopping for a lamp & > small area rug that my son said he needed for his new college > dormitiory room. I found him a very nice, simple, solid navy-blue lamp with > a little style, hexagonal, small Oriental type base, but very discrete, you'd > notice it only if you looked closely. It was inexpensive, and I thought he'd > be THRILLED to have it. I displayed it, was eagerly awaiting the happy, > excited look on his face when he walked in the door after school. I was > expecting a warm hug. I told him how I had been thinking of him & trying to > help him prepare for college & would go with him any time to shop for the > lampshade of his choice. > Instead, he yelled at me for at least 15 minutes about how dare I get it > without consulting him, how it was too large, how he had no interest in > shopping for either lamps or lampshades, how it was too masculine, not the > right anything, & just because I interfered in his life by trying to > " pretend " to help him, he would rather smash it than use it. > > He had me in tears for hours. All I could say thru my tears was that the > lamp was unimportant, it cost less than $10, he could give it away to someone > who would love it & want to use it, but that my feelings were more important & > that I truly love him & was trying to help him. > > I don't understand why it hurts me so badly, as do so many other things. > Sometimes I can't understand how there could be any more tears left inside > me, I hurt so badly. His father, my ex, treats me much worse, never forgets > to remind me that I'm a total hypocrite & hypochondriac, that there could not > be anything wrong with me, you all know that scene, because I " look healthy. " > > I'm on an anti-depressant now & it is helping a bit, but my heart still feels > so broken & I feel so hurt deep down. I wish I had a lover or supportive > spouse, but am all alone. Knowing how all my life I've wanted to help others > & have always done so, I need to find out how to connect with others who feel > the same way, who can give & care. The support here is wonderful, but it > isn't enuf. > Can anyone offer other suggestions for me & the others here that are in the > same position? How can we get " tougher skins? " > > Yes, I am in therapy, in case you are wondering. > > Love to all, > a > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 10, 2001 Report Share Posted June 10, 2001 hi rose yeah i need to learn to deal with this i guess i have not yet. i wish there was a product that would help my brain tho --- 'TOIL for Lyme' <toil_for_lyme@...> wrote: > > Dear , > Unfortunately, these hurtful comments are common > because people don't/can't understand. Just remember > that stupid people say stupid things. You can't > control them anymore than you can control having > this disease. It's easy to say " Don't worry about > it " but that's about all you can do. You need to > keep on doing the things that make you feel better > and help you cope with this disease. You can't hide > inside or hide from the cruelty of others! You have > us, and we understand and care. You're not alone, by > any means. (I don't mean to imply that it is easy to > deal with, because it isn't.) > Love ya lots, Rose > > From: michelle cervera > <cuteangel54321@...> > Subject: Re: Hello > > im sick of people i just went outside to lie down > to > relax and my neigbors said get ajob i said i cant > work > they said yes you can imstarting to hate alot of > people i lost my freiends from this and my family > i > cant take this stupid remarks. > > > > > T.O.I.L. for Lyme! > T=Teach tolerance; O=Overcome ignorance; I=Initiate > insurance reform; L=Labor for Lyme literacy > *Our websites* > http://www.angelfire.com/tx3/RoseWriter or > http://www.angelfire.com/biz/romarkaraoke/james.html > > > > --------------------------------- > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2001 Report Share Posted June 11, 2001 In a message dated 6/10/2001 3:47:24 PM Eastern Daylight Time, roe325@... writes: > Anyway, a, your son may have other things on his mind other than the > lamp that made him lash out at you. he may be very worried about you and not > know how to express it. I know this will not be easy with a teen, but its > time to have a talk with him. its not easy having a sick parent. he may > need help with depression also. > > roe > > Dear Roe, Thanks so much for your kind words & thoughts. It has never occurred to me to smack my son. I've been battered all my life & abhor violence. It teaches nothing except fear & maybe hatred too. Roe, my son had Lyme, & I got him treated right away, which he resented, the ungrateful brat!!! But at least the treatment seems to have worked for him. Also, I took him for many years of therapy, but he resented that too, refuses to go anymore. The best thing for him is to get away to go to college & start a new life for himself. I just wish we could have been closer, as I love him so much. But he needs to grow up. Much love, a Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 11, 2001 Report Share Posted June 11, 2001 >a, I am all alone too, my daughter lives a ferry ride and two trains >away, my son goes to school in NC. but a if either of my kids did >that to me, I would not have taken it as well as you did. (meaning you >didn't smack him upside his head for speaking to you that way). the only >thing that gets me through every day is an antidepressant. > a, I am sorry to hear that your son treated you cruelly. I can't speak for Roe, but I don't think she was advocating violence. You deserve to be treated with respect, especially from your children. They don't have to agree with you, or like you, or change their emotions of the moment, but they should be respectful. I am also sorry you were physically abused as a child. But emotional abuse is just as devastating and should not be tolerated. I know it is hard for family members to deal with chronic illness, esp when if affects a parent, but there are positive ways to do it. I know families who do it. Anyway, I don't mean to lecture on this. I am a single mom of four children, three boys ages 19, 15, and 9, and one girl age 5. They have had to deal with my medical problems as well as many other things that have happened over the last few years, like the death of both of my parents, the loss of our home, etc. I have never asked them not to feel, but I have ALWAYS required respect in the process. Large doses of humor also help, along with lots of reprioritizing. I hope it helps to know you are not alone. I am saying a prayer for you and your kids, that hearts would be softened and positive communication would be established. It is sooooo hard to be sick, a mom, and a head of household. Love, P Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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