Re: Doxy & Boyfriend

[Guest guest]

Hi Connie,

I have Lyme disease! I've been sick and disabled for over six

years. I had a bout of it in 1990 and again in 1991. When I moved

to Florida to join him I got mono (positive blood test.)and started

to recover but never really did. Then got a relapse with more and

more symptoms. Thought it was CFS and looked into that for the next

five years. Became more and more disabled. When I discovered that

CFS was caused by one or more infections I began to get some tests.

I thought I must have mycoplasma but those (Nicolson lab.) were neg.

I was alerted to the LUAT in a CFS group and had the test which was

positive for all three days. Began looking into Lyme and sure fit

the picture in every way. We moved soon after I got the LUAT results

and applied for Medicaid in NJ. During that time he left me. There

is no doubt I have Lyme. I am also in much pain (as y'all know.)over

him and the mess over him has absolutely destroyed what little was

left of my heart and soul after years of so much suffering.

I have written him a number of letters--no pressure. Some friendly.

Some loving. I've sent gifts and cards on holidays and other times.

I asked him if he'd like to spend New Year's Eve with me. All by

mail. Last time I talked to him was in March and he was so hurtful

I've been afraid to call since then. He doesn't write or call but

sent a Xmas card. I've now invited him for dinner/cake for his BD or

to go out to eat (which is always iffy due to my illness.). I doubt

he'll respond. I've written and told him that I've finally started

abx and hope that will encourage him. I like your ideas about

working on our relationship. I've tried everything. I've left him

alone without even writing for a couple months at one point. I don't

go to where he lives or call. I'm giving him space but showing him

love and friendship. He abandoned me because I'm sick. I didn't get

sick because he abandoned me. If you're not convinced which came

first you can look for my post about the LUAT results from November

30, 2000 when we still lived together in Florida. The post is number

30131. I've been sickly my whole adult life--long before I even knew

him--but wasn't sick like this or disabled. I was amazed that you

think I don't have Lyme after all this time! Meanwhile another day

and still no difference from the abx good or bad. I'm at a loss

about ALL my problems. I try so hard with everything but it all only

just gets worse. But if things were good between him and me I'd sure

be a lot happier. My sickness was always very hard for him. I did

my best for him. I love him so much. I didn't ask to be sick and

have my life, finances, and relationship destroyed. I used to love

life long ago. By the way I'm not stopping the abx YET.

Madeleine

[Guest guest]

Hey don't go reprimanding me.............you can hold your harsh words for

someone else...I've been with this list a long time...........so many have

helped me get to my state of remission today.........and I will always be

grateful to this group.

Read my follow-up email...........I was trying to get her to see something

more important than you realize...........You didn't take the time to read

my follow up email..........or take the time to read between the

lines............There was a hell of a lot more in my email, than

words..........

Don't be so quick to hit the send button.

I am helping.....and my email was not only to help Madeleine, but also the

group..............sorry you didn't take the time to really understand how I

was trying to help..................you totally missed my point of the

email.

ConnieK nwnj

Leave no stone unturned.......and ask questions!

[Guest guest]

Madeliene, I may have missed this, sorry if I did. Have you applied for

SSD? If not, do it !! I procrastinated, which also happens to be my middle

name LOL, applying for 2 years, which I had applied earlier, as I know its

gonna be next to impossible for me to get. I 'look good' and people dont

seem to look past that to how I feel, oh well. Take care,

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 01/08/2002 6:01:32 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Sierra376@... writes:

> He abandoned me because I'm sick.

Well Madeline, then he isn't worthy of you anyway. Concentrate on getting

some help, and getting better and love will find you again

f e

d

e Jody f

f Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing

is like clearing the drivewaye

e before it has stopped snowing f

<A HREF= " http://hometown.aol.com/tarabencaitysmom/index.html " >Jeff & Jody's

Family</A> <A

HREF= " http://www.picturetrail.com/gallery/view?username=tarabencaitysmom " >Jody's

Photo Albums</A>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 1/9/2002 2:35:45 PM Eastern Standard Time,

Sierra376@... writes:

> , I applied for SSDI over six years ago and have been through

> all the appeals, ALJ, everything. My last denial was May 1998.

Dear Madeline,

I've been following your posts & those of others trying to help you.

I have only one comment at this point:

Madeline, you are profoundly depressed.

It comes through in every post you write.

Perhaps you should try to get disablility based on your very real depression.

Don't attack me, please, it's just a suggestion. Take it or ignore it. Just

trying to help & be realistic.

Healing hugs,

a

[Guest guest]

Why is it I make one comment and then am attatcked by you Connie? If my

comments about Sierra's constant whining were focused to you I would have

said so. Right away you assume they are.. I understand you've been on this

list for a long time but not everything is about you and not everyone has to

agree with each post that is posted. There are alot of people here and there

are many many different personalities. Everyone is entitled to their say and

you sending a post back attacking me saying my comments were torwards you

were inappropriate...if I have an opinion I'm going to voice it. If you don't

agree or don't like it you don't have to respond to it...

I understand relationships are also apart of Lyme disease I've been

there myself but some of us get tired of reading posts after mos and mos of

the same comments about her missing her boyfriend. Sorry if that bothers you

but as I said everyone has an opinion and or comment and is free to post it.

That's all I will say on this matter and I won't be responding to anymore

comments on it... I have enough stress in my life without needing it from

email as well...

[Guest guest]

Hi all,

I'm so sick today I can hardly slump at the computer. A friend

called last night and we talked till 2:30AM. I know that's my own

fault but I feel foul. Not only that but I've been in a

pounding/racing heart phase the past couple days and that keeps me

from sleeping so between that and chills and stewing over my foul

life I slept about an hour last night. Wondering if the heart sx

(I've had that on and off for many years.)is a herx but on reading

new posts I don't think so since it sounds like my dose is worthless

which was actually my question the other day.

Connie, I suspected (as you said to Robyn.) that you had a " hidden "

motive in your post. The facts for me are yes, him and us are the

most important. Yes, I have Lyme. Yes, given the choice I'd like to

have him and be well. But also since he's proved he doesn't love me

for me but only if I'm " perfect " it's essential for me to be loved

first before being treated/cured or else I'll know for the rest of my

days that I'm not loved for ME. That's why I didn't bother for

several months when I already had the Medicaid. But now in

desperation I'm doing it like a " bribe " to try to get him back. I

won't feel loved for me but since I'm only entitled to the scraps in

this world I'd rather be unloved and WITH him than unloved and

APART. Also, I truly believe that I will be sick for the rest of my

life--maybe a little less worse but that's all. Thanks for saying I

have spunk and perseverence. In fact many years ago he admired me

for perseverence--years later it annoyed him I think. Anyway when it

comes to him nothing will stop me trying except literal death (my

heart died long ago.).

Robyn your comments were not appreciated. Connie thank you for your

efforts on my behalf. I know you have been disgusted with me too at

times so I know you went out of your way here. Thanks.

Jen, I tend to agree this dose will be worthless though hearing it

discouraged me even more. Thanks for the info though--I need to know.

Rita, I would go to an LLMD if the state or my parents paid. I'm

not throwing away any more of my savings on this crap. They won't so

that's it.

, I applied for SSDI over six years ago and have been through

all the appeals, ALJ, everything. My last denial was May 1998. I

never had any diagnosis even of CFS back then and no evidence and

didn't know what I didn't know. I plan to go to a new PCP and ask

for referrals to various MD's (eye doctor, neurologist, etc.

regardless about being LL.) and try to get lots of tests for

evidence. I only have till May to reopen this old claim or it's dead

forever. They owe me tens of thousands and this weighs on me non-

stop.

PJ, thanks for your supportive comments about my boyfriend.

I'm having the Lyme PCR at IGeneX--they agreed to work with the HMO.

I asked Dr. (he is such a wonderful person as are all at

IGeneX--can't say it enough.)what I should have and that was his

answer. He said not to get the babesia or ehrlichia and that if I

had ehr. I'd be in the hospital or something. I was surprised he

didn't think I should have those tests but did what he said. My

urine is in CA now--been tracking FedEx--but not arrived yet or at

least it doesn't show on the site yet.

Next appt. with non LLMD is the 17th. I have a list of comments and

questions but I don't expect much.

Hope I didn't miss replying to anyone here.

Madeleine

[Guest guest]

I hope you open your claim before May, even if you're not very active in its

pursuit. At least you'll keep your rights to those tens of thousands. Is

this the time to get an attorney?

Rita