Re: Not Short But Sent Anyway/Mass Mailing/

[Guest guest]

, Barbara, Rosekiana, Vicki, Marta, Sharon, Joan, Reid, Kay,

Bernadette, Lovey, Connie, Sue, Robynn and all of you out there whose names

just don't fall off my fingers on the list who's hearts seem to be still

strong and loving despite everything,

It's the end of a long day typing at this thing and I realized in reading

your posts this evening that after all this, I haven't really stopped to

feel how awful this whole being sick, misdiagnosed and mistreated has been

for me. The personal devastation of 15 years undiagnosed illness, wrecking

a marriage and a promising career, leaving me without a shred of security,

trying to make family w/ my son by the skin of my teeth. My letters to the

media et. al. are distant . I don't say much about my own story. I think of

myself as " lucky " to have finally gotten a diagnosis and a doctor very

willing to treat me. I don't mention what's happened over these years

because it's not dramatic but it's quietly tragic. I don't feel like I can

blame anyone for not figuring out what's wrong w/ me sooner. My symptoms

were too subtle until this year but not subtle enough to ruin so many

things.

I'm too tired to write more but I appreciate the raw pain that some of you

express. I feel it too. Suicide crosses my mind also. I can't/won't ever

because of my son, family and friends. But things get so black sometimes

that it's the only comforting thought to have. The thought always passes. I

also feel glimmers of hope that I can make something of all this,

particularly on days like today when we get our shit together to yell for

help. Hope some of them heard.

With love, tears and hugs for you all,

beth

[Guest guest]

,

You did a terrific job with your letter. I am glad you are

sharing it with us. It touched on what happened to me and

probably to most all of us. I was crying in my husbands arms the

other night because we are having to work through our marriage. I

cried because I don't know how I had two kids, started nursing

school, got thru that, all the time exhausted and so full of back

and leg pain. I told him I know I was not the best wife, but I

had run out of energy. I was sick and never knew it. I thought

everyone was " tired " like me. I would get a little better, then

slowly start downhill again. And then finally crashed.

I am amazed at the letters I have read so far.

In addition I printed out all the Lyme related letters to

's coloum at the Boston Herald. It was about 69 sheets on

legal sized paper. I scanned over some of them today and no

matter how short or how long, you can see truth, honesty, and a

desire get a message out to the world.

We are doing a terrific job.

Barb