pain, pain meds

[Guest guest]

Dear Dawn,

You claim you are not judging anyone for use of pain killers or narcotic

drugs, yet in the first paragraph you do just that….we ALL have the

opportunity to choose how to handle it....and as bad

as this can be....I can guarantee that waking up and discovering

that you've become addicted to pain meds will only make it far more

worse...because the pain becomes more than just physical.)

Just this part of your email shows me you don’t have a clue just how bad the

pain can truly get. I think like the other emails have stated, until you

are in our shoes, you need to just sit back and watch and not judge people,

especially so harshly. No on has a clue how bad chronic pain can be and how

horrible it is if there is nothing out there to help you. Your line about

your guarantee that waking up addicted to drugs is the worst thing you can

face is all-wrong. I have times when I don’t know if I will even wake up

at all. Sometimes my pain is so bad, and this is because I don’t abuse my

pain medications and never take more than my doctor gives me, that I would

easily choose death over the constant pain. Suicide though so far hasn’t

been one of my choices because of what I’ve seen it do to others and because

I know my family still needs me. So if you ask me, if it comes down to pain

meds or death, and believe me there are more people in that situation than

you can ever imagine, then I’ll choose the pain meds and the fear or worry

about addiction, I’ll deal with later. I know pain can become more than

just physical. I also understand dependence on a drug where you body only

wants more of it, until you simply run out of options. Like I said in my

other emails, I’m not at that point yet, and I hope I never get there. I

know that pain narcotics have gotten me through the past 8 years or so, and

without them I wouldn’t be writing this email.

As it is now, I see a top quality pain management doctor who I trust with my

life. I see an internist as a family doctor, who has been wonderful in not

giving up or getting frustrated treating my huge variety of symptoms. My

rheumatologist is considered one of the top in his field, and he currently

teaches at one of the major universities here in Florida. He also does

research for new drugs on the market, and is on top of every new drug that

comes out as well as all the current ones on the market. He happens to be

one of the smartest people I know, and yet when I come in, we talk about

everything and he always has time to explain every symptom or hopefully

solution to me. All of my doctors know every medication I’m on, since I

give them an updated list at almost every appointment. So far none of them

have said a thing to me about lowering my narcotic use. In fact, they have

done just the opposite and have told me I tend to wait too long before I ask

for more help or increase my pain meds. Like you I used to believe that

being addicted to drugs was the worse thing that could happen to a person,

but after experiencing all my health problems, I know for a fact that there

are worst things since I face them everyday. I’ve also done intense

visualization therapy, seen several psychiatrists who have told me I’m

normal, not an addict, and I’m simply in a bad situation with my health. I

am on vitamin therapy daily and have done several IV vitamin therapies that

last for 6 weeks at a time. Physical therapy has been tried over and over

again, but only seems to make my condition worse, though I do feel like I’ve

accomplished something once I’m back home and resting again. I’ve done

massage therapy every week for years and still do that when I can’t take it

anymore or reach the affected area. I have a swimming pool in my back yard

that I try and use as often as I can and the water does feel wonderful on my

skin and my joints. The problem is getting out of the water, and I’m not

able to pull myself out, so someone has to swim with me, so that limits my

time I can actually go in the water. At least I can still do it now, and to

me that’s a big deal since it gives me a sense of freedom and helps with the

pain as well. So please don’t’ tell me that I need to try more things or

new ideas. Anything my doctors have mentioned I’ve done or have at least

tried to do. Otherwise, I don’t’ think they would continue to treat me.

As hard as this life is to get through everyday, your opinion is only that,

an opinion on how others should handle their pain. All I can say, is until

you are where I am, don’t judge others or me on how we cope with our

situations. No one can say which way is right or wrong for each person. We

are all so different and pain is such a different experience for all of us.

I’m not going to try and convince you on this anymore. I think from the

majority of the email, you can tell that many other people agree with me.

Sometimes people hold on to their dogmatic principals just to have a sense

of control over their lives. Hopefully, that gives you something to think

about. Again I wish you the best and I hope you never have to experience PA

the way I have and so many others have on a daily basis. Maybe deep down

you find resentment at people on disability because you feel you still have

to work to support your family. What you don’t realize is that for some of

us, even that strong of a need, can’t always get us to the work place. Pain

can take over your life and control it if you let it. I hope you never have

to experience it to that degree.

Good luck and I only wish you the best. Fran