Re: Jayson

[Guest guest]

Thanks Joy --

I'm still reeling, but the idea is starting to settle in. I wish she could have

been brave enough to stick it out. I really do. I love her so much. But I did

get tired of feeling like such a disappointment all the time. I don't have to

worry about that anymore.

Jayson

[ ] Jayson

Jayson

I am so sorry. Her loss. It does not seem fair at all especially

with what you have gone thru with her and her cancer.

It may be long term and depressing but it is something many people

live with daily. She should have understood this. I know sometimes

my family gets upset with me. They think I act like I am 80 instead

of 42. I let them do what they want and either bring a book along and

sit or stay home. I try to keep up but they tell me I am too slow.

We may look fine but feel like we are breaking apart inside.

My husband love's to be outside all the time doing something and is

very type " A " in his personality so I know I am a disappointment

to him too.

Sending lot's of hugs and support your way. Hope you find someone

else soon who is more understanding and supportive.

Joy

[Guest guest]

Joy,

Your post to Jayson sounded so sad. I pray your family notices you are

still the same person you were inside and do something special for you

tomorrow.

If not, do something for yourself that will make you smile. Spread some

albums of your kids baby pictures around so they can see them. Pull out the

vacation souveniers from before you got this dreaded disease. They need

reminding of who you are.

One thing you will hear from a lot of people here is that their family are

sometimes the last to give them the support they need to ease some of the

suffering. Being able to keep a positive outlook is very important, but hard

to

do if you know your own family don't understand what you are going through.

Maybe you should print out some of the postings here from other people for

them to read.

I live with my oldest daughter and I do the same thing you do when she wants

to go shopping or some where. I take a book and scope out all the benches

or just stay in the car if I feel too tired. It is too easy to just stay at

home and be depressed if you don't go and do those things with your family. I

have been divorced for many, many years. My ex sounds a lot like Jayson's

exwife. Thank God he was not around when I came down with this disease. I'll

be praying for you both.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY!! EVERYONE.

Janet in SUNNY Ca.

[Guest guest]

I haven't posted in a while. My wife has asked me for a divorce. She

says my limitations physically because of the PA and MS are too much for her

(after 9 years of marriage!!!) and that she believes I will never be able to

meet

her needs in terms of being active. I'm absolutely devastated. I believed

in my

marriage vows.

Hi Jayson,

How are you? I hope you are coping ok with everything.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Hi ,

I'm still pretty broken-hearted. I'm trying to hang in there. The fatigue from

these illnesses is making it difficult for me to work enough to get by. I'm 38

years old and my PARENTS are having to help me. I feel humiliated by that.

I'm trying to work something out with my job where I can do extra work that

isn't as taxing on my body so that I can generate more income.

Other than that...It is SO difficult for me to not be incredibly angry at being

sick and to wonder if I really will be able to find someone who can adapt with

me. Whenever I've mentioned this on lists before, I've gotten a host of replies

that pretty much tell me not to count on it, and that's depressing too. It

seems I just keep getting hit up with bad news. Now I have mono. Meanwhile,

she is living it up. She has gone literally on 6 vacations in the last 3 months

since we broke up. I guess she's making up for lost time. I can't go on

vacations anymore because I don't have paid time off and her income is gone.

It's pretty hard to keep my chin up right now. I feel like I'm basically

surviving. And then THAT makes me angry because I don't want her to even have

an inkling of how bad I feel because that's the reason she gave for leaving in

the first place. ARGGGGGG!!!! It's up and down. Weekends are the worst I

suppose. I found out after the fact that one of her " friends " that I also know

had been encouraging her to leave me all along... A guy, yes a GUY, that she

had been hanging out with for the past 2 years.

I had issues with that friendship and the amount of time spent together, and I

tried every angle on it, but she insisted I was being paranoid and that I just

didn't understand their connection because he had cancer back in 2003 at the

same time she did. So I let go. And I trusted her. Come to find out he was

telling her that these type of diseases can ruin 1 life " don't let it ruin 2

lives " . He also told his wife...yes he has a wife...that it would have been so

much easier if my wife weren't married. There's so much more there....lies,

details omited, etc, I won't bore you with the details. So you can see....there

was more going on. It was an emotional affair. Still is. Something that I

tried to point out to her for 2 years. Something that I thought she'd finally

see and start spending time with me repairing the wounds. But she chose a

different road and there is nothing I can do.

I suggested counseling for the two of us, I suggested date nights, check-in

times, scheduled weekend time, once a month weekend get-aways...she wouldn't

agree to anything because she felt these were " demands " I was making on her.

She just wanted to be single. Plain and simple. Why I'll never get. Not after

how great we were together for 10+ years. If you knew us personally, you would

be shocked. All of our friends are still in shock. I'm getting used to it. I

don't like it. But I'm getting used to it. And that's sad too. Ok..I wrote a

book.

Thanks for asking me. People sort of stop asking after a while. LOL. Can you

blame them after the book I just wrote?

Jayson

Re: [ ] Jayson

I haven't posted in a while. My wife has asked me for a divorce. She

says my limitations physically because of the PA and MS are too much for her

(after 9 years of marriage!!!) and that she believes I will never be able to

meet

her needs in terms of being active. I'm absolutely devastated. I believed

in my

marriage vows.

Hi Jayson,

How are you? I hope you are coping ok with everything.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Hey,

I would have hoped that there were better people in this world. But

unfortunately, it happens. It happened to me in '97. But she left me

with two small daughters to raise on my own. But I have always had a

strong family base, and my parents and my brother and sisters stepped

in to help me out. I don't know if you have any family, but if you do,

don't be afraid to lean on them. Don't be afraid to lean on all of

us... And if it helps, feel free to email my directly @

michaelr_321@.... I'll be glad to give you the little bit of

insight I have on this subject... But above, try to look at it this way

now, it'll be hard to, but you may eventually get there. Now is a time

for you to concentrate on just you. All that energy you've been using

to hold things together can be used to take better care of yourself. It

sounds corney, but hey, it works... Be well and don't be afraid to talk

about it. I'll tell you about all the freakin' ulcers I got in that

first year after... EEEK!!! It sucketh...

michael

>

>

> I haven't posted in a while. My wife has asked me for a divorce. She

> says my limitations physically because of the PA and MS are too much

for her

> (after 9 years of marriage!!!) and that she believes I will never be

able to

> meet

> her needs in terms of being active. I'm absolutely devastated. I

believed

> in my

> marriage vows.

[Guest guest]

Well, Hi . I can say this is one of the main reasons I don't try to get

into a relationship as I know I would not be able to keep up with the other

party. The one being held back by illness, wants and needs the support from

their spouse, The spouse feels like there are loosing time out of their life to

do the funs things,I think it really boils down to compromise, and each others

priority's. If I was a well person, I would not be dating anyone was couldn't

keep up with me, however, if we got married and I truly loved this person I

would make those sacrifices to alter my life to be there for them. Not all of us

are so kind and giving, some of us are selfish, and only want what we want. I

recall how very hard it was for me to have to accept what was happening to

me,that this is how the rest of my life is going to be. It was extremely hard

for me to accept it, but I had no choice since it was happening to Me. On the

other hand, the other spouse/partner whatever, doesn't have to accept, they can

move on, stay in the denial.Run from the realities of life so to speak. Perhaps

if they run, you are better off without them, cause they will always run.....you

need to find a stayer...Good Luck !!

Jeanette

Re: [ ] Jayson

I haven't posted in a while. My wife has asked me for a divorce. She

says my limitations physically because of the PA and MS are too much for her

(after 9 years of marriage!!!) and that she believes I will never be able to

meet

her needs in terms of being active. I'm absolutely devastated. I believed

in my

marriage vows.

Hi Jayson,

How are you? I hope you are coping ok with everything.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 7/1/2006 9:31:45 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

jbarsic@... writes:

months since we broke

Jayson,

Maybe you SHOULD write a book. It would be a great catharsis and with the

all the pathos you could possibly even sell it. You could write a trilogy.

Then, lets say " when " you sell them, you have income from royalties. Yea, it

doesn't hurt to dream good thoughts. Hang in there champ. You are not the

first, last, and only person to have to rely on their parents for help. And

believe me most parents are only too happy to help a needy child.

Hugs

Sandy swOhio

[Guest guest]

Jayson,

Reading your post made me so sad for you. I am so sorry you have all this

to go through. I know you feel you have been abandoned, but you evidently

have support from your parents and a whole website here. Some of us have even

been through ugly divorces, maybe for different reasons, but just as

disturbing and hard to get through. My time in divorce court was so

traumatizing I

decided it would never happen again. That was over 25 years ago and I never

remarried. So, if you don't mind getting some advice from an old woman who's

been there, please find a way to work through your anger toward your wife and

her thoughtlessness. (Whew, what a word!!) You have probably heard the old

quip " What goes around, comes around " , and probably don't want to hear it

again, but I am old enough to see it happen. Not only to my Ex, but to my

son's

ex as well.

Something else I have seen with my son that you want to try to avoid, is

holding on to the bitterness. I think it ruined his life for a long time. Now

aflter 15 years he is trying to pick up the pieces and put his life back

togethere. Being bitter only makes you miserable. Even if she were to find

out

about some of the things you wish to happen to her, it won't affect her in

the least. Besides, all the stress from dwelling on what she is doing is only

making your PA and MS more painfull. So, please take care of yourself.

When you get depressed, email someone, call someone. We are all here for you

when you need support. And remember, a little prayer goes a long way toward

making you feel better, too. God Bless You!!

Janet in Ca

[Guest guest]

Hi Jayson Lynn here good to hear you are ok and what you are going through the

anger and frustration well all i can say is i sooo look up to you right now. I

know that I wouldn't have the strength to go through half of what you have been

through. Chion up and things will get better. I realise you are probably sick

of hearing that but it will. Good to hear from you and take care ok.

Jayson Barsic <jbarsic@...> wrote: Hi ,

I'm still pretty broken-hearted. I'm trying to hang in there. The fatigue from

these illnesses is making it difficult for me to work enough to get by. I'm 38

years old and my PARENTS are having to help me. I feel humiliated by that. I'm

trying to work something out with my job where I can do extra work that isn't as

taxing on my body so that I can generate more income.

Other than that...It is SO difficult for me to not be incredibly angry at being

sick and to wonder if I really will be able to find someone who can adapt with

me. Whenever I've mentioned this on lists before, I've gotten a host of replies

that pretty much tell me not to count on it, and that's depressing too. It seems

I just keep getting hit up with bad news. Now I have mono. Meanwhile, she is

living it up. She has gone literally on 6 vacations in the last 3 months since

we broke up. I guess she's making up for lost time. I can't go on vacations

anymore because I don't have paid time off and her income is gone. It's pretty

hard to keep my chin up right now. I feel like I'm basically surviving. And then

THAT makes me angry because I don't want her to even have an inkling of how bad

I feel because that's the reason she gave for leaving in the first place.

ARGGGGGG!!!! It's up and down. Weekends are the worst I suppose. I found out

after the fact that one of her " friends " that

I also know had been encouraging her to leave me all along... A guy, yes a GUY,

that she had been hanging out with for the past 2 years.

I had issues with that friendship and the amount of time spent together, and I

tried every angle on it, but she insisted I was being paranoid and that I just

didn't understand their connection because he had cancer back in 2003 at the

same time she did. So I let go. And I trusted her. Come to find out he was

telling her that these type of diseases can ruin 1 life " don't let it ruin 2

lives " . He also told his wife...yes he has a wife...that it would have been so

much easier if my wife weren't married. There's so much more there....lies,

details omited, etc, I won't bore you with the details. So you can see....there

was more going on. It was an emotional affair. Still is. Something that I tried

to point out to her for 2 years. Something that I thought she'd finally see and

start spending time with me repairing the wounds. But she chose a different road

and there is nothing I can do.

I suggested counseling for the two of us, I suggested date nights, check-in

times, scheduled weekend time, once a month weekend get-aways...she wouldn't

agree to anything because she felt these were " demands " I was making on her. She

just wanted to be single. Plain and simple. Why I'll never get. Not after how

great we were together for 10+ years. If you knew us personally, you would be

shocked. All of our friends are still in shock. I'm getting used to it. I don't

like it. But I'm getting used to it. And that's sad too. Ok..I wrote a book.

Thanks for asking me. People sort of stop asking after a while. LOL. Can you

blame them after the book I just wrote?

Jayson

Re: [ ] Jayson

I haven't posted in a while. My wife has asked me for a divorce. She

says my limitations physically because of the PA and MS are too much for her

(after 9 years of marriage!!!) and that she believes I will never be able to

meet

her needs in terms of being active. I'm absolutely devastated. I believed

in my

marriage vows.

Hi Jayson,

How are you? I hope you are coping ok with everything.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

I am glad to see some of you fellas reaching out to Jayson. Kudos Men. And I

capitalize the " M " because you deserve it. I wanted to reach out to ya Jayson

because I had (HAD) a spouse who's response to my positive liver biopsy for a

blood disorder was " Ok....but YOU have to handle all of the insurance matters " .

He dropped me off at the hospital for that biopsy and was 5 hours late picking

me up. He also dropped me off at the emergency room once for a ruptured ovarian

cyst (ok...I hope you can't relate to THAT) and left me there all morning only

to pick me up and drop me back off at the house and off to work he went....me in

bed with a 2 year old to care for. I wanted to share with you that I know what

it feels like to KNOW that you are IN THE WAY. But NOW I know what it feels

like to be cared for by a multitude of friends and family. It took awhile to

build that base up again because he had alienated us from them but after 6 years

of divorced life things look much

better. I never would have been able to get the help I've needed for our

special needs kid OR for my own health issues to which PA was added a few years

ago if I were still with him. And I did not have to wait this whole 6 years to

realize that I had not had a nice deep relaxing breath the entire 7 yrs I was

with him. I had been a small weak woman with him...not my usual energetic,

bubbly, positive self. He would not allow me to tell jokes. If you've read any

of these posts, you'll have a hard time believing that one but I did it...I kept

my mouth shut in order to keep the peace. Not easy...but I did it for our

daughter.....and a little for myself. I wanted everyone to think I could be a

good wife. Must be a Southern thing. You'll learn alot about yourself and who

you are now and who you were meant to be. I love s advise and the fact

that is thinking about you. When you first posted this announcement I

hesistated to write to you because it was my first week

on the site and I felt you needed guy support (wait....that did not come out

right but I'm going to correct it rather than delete it cause it's cracking me

up.....SUPPORT FROM FELLOW MEN) but I've kept you in my prayers regardless. If

only I had a backspace key to use when I'm TALKING. Maybe it was the TALKING he

did not want me to do....now I'm starting to get it. But Jayson...no matter how

selfish it was of her to bail after NINE years, eventually you'll find little

things that you will want to improve on if you ever do the relationship thing

again (and most of us do). You'll also start to notice the red flags that have

been popping up for years....maybe even when you were dating her....that were

telling you that it was ill-fated to begin with. Usually....not all the

time....but usually marriages that end were not the amazing love we told

ourselves they were. Regardless of whether or not that applies to your

situation, things will become clearer to you now that you are

able to step back and take a look at it all from a distance. Lately I've

realized that when I was with him, I prayed " Oh God...help him be a better

husband " over and over and over. Did I ask " Help me be a better wife??? " Now I

pray " Help me be a better x-wife....and help me not kill him " . At least God lets

me joke. I mostly pray " Help him be happy " Would I do that if I did not have a

child with him? I'm not so sure that I'm that good. I don't really like the man

so probably not. But it does not hurt and it helps you to find some way to think

kindly about the person. All religion aside, psychologically it is sound advise

to send good thoughts to the person...well wishes. In that respect, you are in

control rather than being rendered powerless by the whole event. I'd lean on

the fellas who are offering a shoulder if I were you. That's what friends are

for...la la la... (we use music therapy on here now). Hugs........ -Betz

Betsy Jack itsbetsy@...

[ ] Re: Jayson

Hey,

I would have hoped that there were better people in this world. But

unfortunately, it happens. It happened to me in '97. But she left me

with two small daughters to raise on my own. But I have always had a

strong family base, and my parents and my brother and sisters stepped

in to help me out. I don't know if you have any family, but if you do,

don't be afraid to lean on them. Don't be afraid to lean on all of

us... And if it helps, feel free to email my directly @

michaelr_321. I'll be glad to give you the little bit of

insight I have on this subject... But above, try to look at it this way

now, it'll be hard to, but you may eventually get there. Now is a time

for you to concentrate on just you. All that energy you've been using

to hold things together can be used to take better care of yourself. It

sounds corney, but hey, it works... Be well and don't be afraid to talk

about it. I'll tell you about all the freakin' ulcers I got in that

first year after... EEEK!!! It sucketh...

michael

>

>

> I haven't posted in a while. My wife has asked me for a divorce. She

> says my limitations physically because of the PA and MS are too much

for her

> (after 9 years of marriage!!!) and that she believes I will never be

able to

> meet

> her needs in terms of being active. I'm absolutely devastated. I

believed

> in my

> marriage vows.

[Guest guest]

Jayson,

I believe If you don't express your feelings, including anger, it will

just make your physical problems worse.

So write a book! Some people can't cope with the stress of their partner

having this disease. My husband is feeling overwhelmed lately, and I know it is

partly because he feels even more responsibility because I can't do what I used

to do. I am trying not to feel guilty. I'm sorry you have to deal with the

stress of feelings of betrayal on top of learning to cope with chronic physical

problems. Hopefully, you will find supportive people in your life to help you

through it. I joined this group not only to find out how to treat this disease

medically, but to share ways to cope with living with the problems that arise in

our daily living. Please don't feel alone, and let us know how you are doing

periodically.

Sandi K

Re: [ ] Jayson

I haven't posted in a while. My wife has asked me for a divorce. She

says my limitations physically because of the PA and MS are too much for her

(after 9 years of marriage!!!) and that she believes I will never be able to

meet

her needs in terms of being active. I'm absolutely devastated. I believed

in my

marriage vows.

Hi Jayson,

How are you? I hope you are coping ok with everything.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Hi Jayson:

I know how you feel kinda. I dated a guy for 12 years and he married someone

else. Not the same as going through a divorce and all, but it was pretty

painful. I wasn't sick at the time, but I sure do kick myself for wasting 12

years of my life with him, and now I am alone now.. I think if I had gotten away

from him, I could have met someone else. Anyway, I am here to say it will get

better, you will become stronger, one day you will wake up and feel so much like

, well the only way I know how to say it is, you will feel good about yourself,

your strength, the flowers will be pretty again.....I spent 5 years not dating

and just getting to know me, best 5 years I spent !!!

take care,

Jeanette

Re: [ ] Jayson

I haven't posted in a while. My wife has asked me for a divorce. She

says my limitations physically because of the PA and MS are too much for her

(after 9 years of marriage!!!) and that she believes I will never be able to

meet

her needs in terms of being active. I'm absolutely devastated. I believed

in my

marriage vows.

Hi Jayson,

How are you? I hope you are coping ok with everything.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Thanks Sandy. And thank you Lynn. Thank you everyone. I know it'll pass.

Sometimes I just wonder when!!!

Jayson

Re: [ ] Jayson

In a message dated 7/1/2006 9:31:45 A.M. Eastern Standard Time,

jbarsic@... writes:

months since we broke

Jayson,

Maybe you SHOULD write a book. It would be a great catharsis and with the

all the pathos you could possibly even sell it. You could write a trilogy.

Then, lets say " when " you sell them, you have income from royalties. Yea, it

doesn't hurt to dream good thoughts. Hang in there champ. You are not the

first, last, and only person to have to rely on their parents for help. And

believe me most parents are only too happy to help a needy child.

Hugs

Sandy swOhio

[Guest guest]

Thanks Janet. Yeah...I'm trying hard to let go of the bitterness. It comes and

goes in waves. There are days when I'm at peace, and I get a glimpse of the

probability that I will get there. My mom divorced my dad when I was 4 (it's my

stepdad and mom that are helping me now). She was only married to him for 7

years, and 34 years later she is still bitter. I have vowed to myself that I

will not become her in that way. No way.

Jayson

Re: [ ] Jayson

Jayson,

Reading your post made me so sad for you. I am so sorry you have all this

to go through. I know you feel you have been abandoned, but you evidently

have support from your parents and a whole website here. Some of us have even

been through ugly divorces, maybe for different reasons, but just as

disturbing and hard to get through. My time in divorce court was so

traumatizing I

decided it would never happen again. That was over 25 years ago and I never

remarried. So, if you don't mind getting some advice from an old woman who's

been there, please find a way to work through your anger toward your wife and

her thoughtlessness. (Whew, what a word!!) You have probably heard the old

quip " What goes around, comes around " , and probably don't want to hear it

again, but I am old enough to see it happen. Not only to my Ex, but to my

son's

ex as well.

Something else I have seen with my son that you want to try to avoid, is

holding on to the bitterness. I think it ruined his life for a long time. Now

aflter 15 years he is trying to pick up the pieces and put his life back

togethere. Being bitter only makes you miserable. Even if she were to find out

about some of the things you wish to happen to her, it won't affect her in

the least. Besides, all the stress from dwelling on what she is doing is only

making your PA and MS more painfull. So, please take care of yourself.

When you get depressed, email someone, call someone. We are all here for you

when you need support. And remember, a little prayer goes a long way toward

making you feel better, too. God Bless You!!

Janet in Ca

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 01/07/2006 14:31:46 GMT Daylight Time, jbarsic@...

writes:

Hi ,

I'm still pretty broken-hearted. I'm trying to hang in there. The fatigue

from these illnesses is making it difficult for me to work enough to get by. I'm

38 years old and my PARENTS are having to help me. I feel humiliated by that.

I'm trying to work something out with my job where I can do extra work that

isn't as taxing on my body so that I can generate more income.

Hi again Jayson,

I am still way behind in the mail but I thought I would come from way, way

back in the past, around the middle of May, to the present to reply to your

reply. lol

It is going to take a long time to get over the end of your marriage Jayson.

I guess in its way its like a bereavement but its the death of your marriage.

It is a massive loss to you. I can't say that I understand how you feel

because my marriage is good although I have changed from an easy going sort of

person to a bit of a moaner but it keeps me going. But I do know that it can't

be

easy for you. Hopefully though, as time goes on, the hurt will go further into

the background and maybe eventually you will be able to look to the future

again.

And look what happened. I asked you how you were. You gave me an honest

answer instead of gritting your teeth, putting on a false smile and saying, 'Oh

I'm

fine' and look at all those people in this fantastic group who came out and

tried to help you with their advice, their own similar stories and their

determination to make you aware that you have a much bigger family than you

think.

I hope it has helped you in some way to know that we are all behind you

here........................................and don't worry about writing books.

We

are all avid readers here! lol So you go ahead when you feel like it. ok?

Good luck and take care,

[Guest guest]

Jayson,

Jayson first off I am very sorry that you are going thru this. I send

you a big hug and wish I could ease your pain but that will just have to take

time.

I am also divorced for 10 years now and wonder how anyone could ever love

me to but I will not give up hope. Still waiting for that Prince Charming to be

at my door to love and except me. I keep checking my door bell but so far it

works but no Prince charming has ever showed up there.

Now for my 2 cents worth to you. I do not really believe your health has

anything to do with how she is acting. This happens so many times when a woman

or man even feels like things are missing in marriage like the cuddling, kissing

as much and paying attention. Someone else fresh comes along and they offer all

the lust , fire and loving for the time being. However, if they stay together

it will slow down in their relationship too. Never fails. She wanted out even

if you were in the best health because she missed the loving, cuddleing and

feeling she was most importaint. She will look back sometime and realize what

all she gave up from a good man like you.

How old are you Jayson? I bet you are young and there are alot of good

girls out there for you. Do not give up. I only wished we lived closer

together and I would come knock on your door cause you are a good man. Huggs,

Zoella

" The only people to get even with are those who have helped you. "

---------------------------------

Want to be your own boss? Learn how on Small Business.

[Guest guest]

Hi Jayson. It's so good to hear that you are ok and doing as well as can be

expected. I still think it totally sucks though. Take it day at a time and

slowly life will get better as we are all hear for you ok Love and Huggs from

bonnie but wet Scotland haha. Lynn

Jayson Barsic <jbarsic@...> wrote:

Thanks Sandy. And thank you Lynn. Thank you everyone. I know it'll

pass. Sometimes I just wonder when!!!

Jayson

[Guest guest]

jayson , I feel bad for your situation . You have been dealt a bad deck of

cards . It seems I want to say everything will be alright even though I know

that does " t sound right . Or IT too will pass. Mothers seem to want to say

that . we know it helps when we say that to our kids . I am hoping that some

where on the horizen something wonderful will come your way . that divorce.

will be a tough thing to go through . I hope you know THat there are really

some compassionate nice peolple out there . hey ..you may meet someone on the

board here that's your age. ya never know . cathy from ma

[Guest guest]

Thanks ....sometimes I feel like I'm young...I'm 38. But then I have my

days where I feel 80 and can't imagine someone wanting to deal with or accepting

all that I have to come along with me. My shrink always corrects me when I say

these things. She says when someone really loves you, they accept you exactly

how you are. That's not to say that what we go through is easy, but when

someone loves you, they accept you. And I know this to be true. It's what I

did with my wife. She had her challenges...hers were more emotional

issues...i'm not talking depression or anything like that...I mean that she was

sometimes hard to open up...she was hard-pressed to understand boundaries in

terms of whether or not she should be hanging out with other men as friends

(constantly)...she did not understand the concept of time and was forever and a

day late, which was fine sometimes and at others felt like total

disrespect...and eventually she had cancer. During her cancer there was not ONE

moment when I thought...my god, she could die from this, she could get it again,

so I better get OUT because it's too hard. I just rolled with it. It was one

more challenge we would face together. I thought the worst thing I could think

of was losing her to cancer. But I wasn't going to leave over it. She's always

been a fairly selfish person, and it's gotten 100-fold worse since the cancer.

Deep inside, I know I'm better off not being treated the way she has treated me

for the past 2+ years. Never home. Calling my requests for her time " demands " .

Always with her " cancer buddy " . Taking and rarely giving. Telling me that my

efforts weren't " good enough " . I was left a long time ago. It's hard to accept

that I stayed and took all that. I don't know what possessed me.

Jayson

Re: [ ] Jayson

jayson , I feel bad for your situation . You have been dealt a bad deck of

cards . It seems I want to say everything will be alright even though I know

that does " t sound right . Or IT too will pass. Mothers seem to want to say

that . we know it helps when we say that to our kids . I am hoping that some

where on the horizen something wonderful will come your way . that divorce.

will be a tough thing to go through . I hope you know THat there are really

some compassionate nice peolple out there . hey ..you may meet someone on the

board here that's your age. ya never know . cathy from ma

[Guest guest]

Jayson...I knew you'd say that eventually....I got a sense of it. I had to say

it once too... " I was left a long time ago. It's hard to accept that I stayed and

took all that " . Good show! You really are moving along now. Keep it up! I know

I'm butting into someone elses conversation here but I'm happy for you to be

seeing what you have to see. -Betz

Betsy Jack itsbetsy@...

Re: [ ] Jayson

Thanks ....sometimes I feel like I'm young...I'm 38. But then I have my

days where I feel 80 and can't imagine someone wanting to deal with or accepting

all that I have to come along with me. My shrink always corrects me when I say

these things. She says when someone really loves you, they accept you exactly

how you are. That's not to say that what we go through is easy, but when someone

loves you, they accept you. And I know this to be true. It's what I did with my

wife. She had her challenges.. .hers were more emotional issues...i'm not

talking depression or anything like that...I mean that she was sometimes hard to

open up...she was hard-pressed to understand boundaries in terms of whether or

not she should be hanging out with other men as friends (constantly) ...she did

not understand the concept of time and was forever and a day late, which was

fine sometimes and at others felt like total disrespect.. .and eventually she

had cancer. During her cancer there was

not ONE moment when I thought...my god, she could die from this, she could get

it again, so I better get OUT because it's too hard. I just rolled with it. It

was one more challenge we would face together. I thought the worst thing I could

think of was losing her to cancer. But I wasn't going to leave over it. She's

always been a fairly selfish person, and it's gotten 100-fold worse since the

cancer. Deep inside, I know I'm better off not being treated the way she has

treated me for the past 2+ years. Never home. Calling my requests for her time

" demands " . Always with her " cancer buddy " . Taking and rarely giving. Telling me

that my efforts weren't " good enough " . I was left a long time ago. It's hard to

accept that I stayed and took all that. I don't know what possessed me.

Jayson

[Guest guest]

Oh Jayson

You sound like a very nice man. Some day believe it or not you may actually

look at this and realize that it is a blessing. I have a friend that sounds

alot like your wife. She would work, go out with HER friends while her husband

picked up the boys from the setter, took them home, fed and bathed them and

tucked them into bed. He would help her with laundry, clean house. Actually

she had it to good. Now I am not saying that you men folk should not help your

wives. I believe that it is a 50- 50. If both of you are working 40+ hours a

week then it makes everyone happy to share the duties. That has been a few

years and now she looks back and realizes how stupid she was. Although it is to

late for her he has remaried and has two small children by his new wife. He is

44 Jayson and no you are not to old. I do believe that you need to find someone

that will love you the way that you described love to be. That is true what you

said that if someone really loves someone

they FEEL for that person when they are sick and they are there for them no

matter what. I have been married for 24 years. My husband is my best friend,

we have been together since 1977, we married in 1982. Jayson you have many

years left and life is for the living. Enjoy the beautiful things that the Lord

has made. Search Him and get to know him and he will give you a help mate.

Take Care,

Tammy

Jayson Barsic <jbarsic@...> wrote:

Thanks ....sometimes I feel like I'm young...I'm 38. But then

I have my days where I feel 80 and can't imagine someone wanting to deal with or

accepting all that I have to come along with me. My shrink always corrects me

when I say these things. She says when someone really loves you, they accept you

exactly how you are. That's not to say that what we go through is easy, but when

someone loves you, they accept you. And I know this to be true. It's what I did

with my wife. She had her challenges...hers were more emotional issues...i'm not

talking depression or anything like that...I mean that she was sometimes hard to

open up...she was hard-pressed to understand boundaries in terms of whether or

not she should be hanging out with other men as friends (constantly)...she did

not understand the concept of time and was forever and a day late, which was

fine sometimes and at others felt like total disrespect...and eventually she had

cancer. During her cancer

there was not ONE moment when I thought...my god, she could die from this, she

could get it again, so I better get OUT because it's too hard. I just rolled

with it. It was one more challenge we would face together. I thought the worst

thing I could think of was losing her to cancer. But I wasn't going to leave

over it. She's always been a fairly selfish person, and it's gotten 100-fold

worse since the cancer. Deep inside, I know I'm better off not being treated the

way she has treated me for the past 2+ years. Never home. Calling my requests

for her time " demands " . Always with her " cancer buddy " . Taking and rarely

giving. Telling me that my efforts weren't " good enough " . I was left a long time

ago. It's hard to accept that I stayed and took all that. I don't know what

possessed me.

Jayson

[Guest guest]

Hi Betz,

Thanks...no you're not butting in...otherwise we'd take it to private e-mail!!!

All enouragement and thoughts are more than welcome .

Jayson

Re: [ ] Jayson

Jayson...I knew you'd say that eventually....I got a sense of it. I had to say

it once too... " I was left a long time ago. It's hard to accept that I stayed and

took all that " . Good show! You really are moving along now. Keep it up! I know

I'm butting into someone elses conversation here but I'm happy for you to be

seeing what you have to see. -Betz

[Guest guest]

Thanks Tammy....everything you had to say is very comforting. I appreciate it.

Jayson

Re: [ ] Jayson

Oh Jayson

You sound like a very nice man. Some day believe it or not you may actually

look at this and realize that it is a blessing. I have a friend that sounds alot

like your wife. She would work, go out with HER friends while her husband picked

up the boys from the setter, took them home, fed and bathed them and tucked them

into bed. He would help her with laundry, clean house. Actually she had it to

good. Now I am not saying that you men folk should not help your wives. I

believe that it is a 50- 50. If both of you are working 40+ hours a week then it

makes everyone happy to share the duties. That has been a few years and now she

looks back and realizes how stupid she was. Although it is to late for her he

has remaried and has two small children by his new wife. He is 44 Jayson and no

you are not to old. I do believe that you need to find someone that will love

you the way that you described love to be. That is true what you said that if

someone really loves someone

they FEEL for that person when they are sick and they are there for them no

matter what. I have been married for 24 years. My husband is my best friend, we

have been together since 1977, we married in 1982. Jayson you have many years

left and life is for the living. Enjoy the beautiful things that the Lord has

made. Search Him and get to know him and he will give you a help mate.

Take Care,

Tammy

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 01/07/2006 14:40:33 GMT Daylight Time,

yonder@... writes:

Well, Hi . I can say this is one of the main reasons I don't try to get

into a relationship as I know I would not be able to keep up with the other

party

......................Perhaps if they run, you are better off without them,

cause they will always run.....you need to find a stayer...Good Luck !!

Jeanette

Hi Jeanette,

Oooops, I think I have confused you because of the mail I sent to Jayson

asking how things were going for him. So I think this mail was probably meant

for

him.

I am one of the lucky ones coming up for being married 24years now. What's

that old joke about if I had committed murder, I would probably be free by now?

lol

I hope everything is ok with you.

I'm sorry that I took so long to answer this by the way. Far Far behind as

usual.

Take care,