HELP: In Desperate Need Of Comfort & Motivation

[Guest guest]

Hello Everyone,

I have been having a particularly difficult time over the past couple of weeks

or so. Oddly this is where I have come for help. To my privite lurking spot away

from family and everyone else. To people I don't know personally, but feel

without a doubt I do know well and you all know me. You know me because in a way

you are me and I am you. Everyone who comes here is a part of the rest.

My pain has increased and my depression has gone below LOW. I have no doubt that

the depression has caused the increase in pain and the pain has elevated the

depression. It's sort of like the age old question of which came first the

chicken or the egg. In the end what does it really matter - they are both here.

I have a lot of extra emotional stress factors in my life right now and I try to

recognize that as a factor, but sometimes it's just hard. I know I can't give

up, but sometimes that is hard too. I guess I am just smack dab in the middle of

a swinging pitty party right now and I know it's time to call it a night, but I

still have a few mental guests who are just not willing to leave quietly. I try

to reason with my " self " but " self " was never very good at reasoning about

anything. I know I am in a lot better shape than many many others and I

shouldn't take my current situation lightly or for granted because it could be

much worse in a whole lot of ways, heck it has been worse and not so long ago. I

guess I occassionally get selfish and I want it all. The healthy body - both

mentally and physically, the energy, the knowledge, the drive, the ambition, the

determination, the wonderful outlook on life, the self respect, the carefree

attitude, and most of all hope. I seem to be losing my last tiny grasp on hope.

If I lose that there will be nothing left.

If I could have one single wish in exchange for my life I would wish away this

disease so that no one else would ever have to suffer.

I'm so tired...tired of pain, depression, weight problems, medications. I am

simply sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to feel good again, A

little bit for a little while would be better than nothing at all.

~Debbie

[Guest guest]

Hi Debbie,

I am sorry you are in so much pain both physically and emotionally.

Sometimes we all need to go to the pity pot for a little bit, in some

ways it helps us regain our strength and courage to face a new day.

It is very hard sometimes to realize that the disease is a part of us

but not who we are. I don't know anyone on this board that isn't

strong, and even when we reach out for support that is a sign of

strength and hope for a better day. So no matter how bad you are

feeling remember it takes a strong person to reach out to others and

an even stronger person who does not give up and looks for the simple

pleasures just for that moment.

Give yourself some time, seek the simple things of beauty in your

life. I saw a robin the other day, and for that moment it just

brought me peace. I don't see them too often and it just touched me

to hear the bird sing its beautiful song.

I hope today is a better day for you and that your pain lessens.

Pat

>

>

> Hello Everyone,

>

> I have been having a particularly difficult time over the past

couple of weeks or so. Oddly this is where I have come for help. To

my privite lurking spot away from family and everyone else. To people

I don't know personally, but feel without a doubt I do know well and

you all know me. You know me because in a way you are me and I am

you. Everyone who comes here is a part of the rest.

>

> My pain has increased and my depression has gone below LOW. I have

no doubt that the depression has caused the increase in pain and the

pain has elevated the depression. It's sort of like the age old

question of which came first the chicken or the egg. In the end what

does it really matter - they are both here. I have a lot of extra

emotional stress factors in my life right now and I try to recognize

that as a factor, but sometimes it's just hard. I know I can't give

up, but sometimes that is hard too. I guess I am just smack dab in

the middle of a swinging pitty party right now and I know it's time

to call it a night, but I still have a few mental guests who are just

not willing to leave quietly. I try to reason with my " self "

but " self " was never very good at reasoning about anything. I know I

am in a lot better shape than many many others and I shouldn't take

my current situation lightly or for granted because it could be much

worse in a whole lot of ways, heck it has been worse and not so long

ago. I guess I occassionally get selfish and I want it all. The

healthy body - both mentally and physically, the energy, the

knowledge, the drive, the ambition, the determination, the wonderful

outlook on life, the self respect, the carefree attitude, and most of

all hope. I seem to be losing my last tiny grasp on hope. If I lose

that there will be nothing left.

>

> If I could have one single wish in exchange for my life I would

wish away this disease so that no one else would ever have to suffer.

>

> I'm so tired...tired of pain, depression, weight problems,

medications. I am simply sick and tired of being sick and tired. I

just want to feel good again, A little bit for a little while would

be better than nothing at all.

>

> ~Debbie

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Debbie:

Hang in there! I think PA ebbs and flows, and right now you are in

the mega-pits. I have not been reading the posts for the last few

months, so I don't know if you posted the meds you are taking. Three

years ago, I was hitting critical mass like you are. I got on Zoloft

(an antidepressant). I got on it very reluctantly, actually kicking

and screaming, because a) I object to having to take all sorts of

medications, I just wanted my disease to go away so I could be

normal again rather than having to take something to patch things.

It took about 2-3 weeks to take hold, but one day my Mom mentioned

that I seemed a lot more calm and centered in myself. It wasn't like

Spock laughing, it just leveled out the raging pits of depression I

was having with being trapped with the effects of PA. Zoloft helped

me get through some pretty tough times, and last October, I weaned

myself back off of it. So you don't have to be on an anti-depressant

forever.

I didn't realize how much depression was tied to PA until I got on

the antidepressant and looked back on my life path. Please, if you

aren't already on one, consider one. And if the one you are on is

not leveling the playing field, kick some butt and get a different

type.

Another thing I found useful was talking to a counselor. I know that

is very cliche, but it did help me. I went to one in desperation,

during the blackhole period above because I was in a hostile work

environment and the stress from it was making my PA worse by leaps

and bounds. I was lucky enough to find a very good one, hopefully

you will too.

And, one small thing, when I am depressed as hell, I go outside. I

am lucky enough to live in California, so there are a lot of bright

blue sky days here, and being outside where I can breathe, hear

birds, and get away from the indoor nasties is something I do as much

as possible to try to chase the mega-pits away. If you get too down

in the pits, get out of the environment you are in, even if it is for

10 minutes, and try to break the spiral.

Like you, I think we all have things we wish we could get rid of. My

top three, in this order are 1) dump the arthritis, 2) dump the

psoriasis, and 3) dump the weight. Doctors are so clueless when they

tell you that you need to exercise more, but you have arthritis so

bad that you can barely move. So I thought if I could just get rid

of the arthritis component, the rest would be easier to take. Second

would be the skin problems since they can cause so much psychological

anguish. That leaves weight as the last element to get rid of, and

since I have been dealing with that all of my life, I am not so sure

that it is going to go away anytime soon.

So, hang in there! You can make it past this spot......

Suanne

>

>

> Hello Everyone,

>

> I have been having a particularly difficult time over the past

couple of weeks or so. Oddly this is where I have come for help. To

my privite lurking spot away from family and everyone else. To people

I don't know personally, but feel without a doubt I do know well and

you all know me. You know me because in a way you are me and I am

you. Everyone who comes here is a part of the rest.

>

> My pain has increased and my depression has gone below LOW. I have

no doubt that the depression has caused the increase in pain and the

pain has elevated the depression. It's sort of like the age old

question of which came first the chicken or the egg. In the end what

does it really matter - they are both here. I have a lot of extra

emotional stress factors in my life right now and I try to recognize

that as a factor, but sometimes it's just hard. I know I can't give

up, but sometimes that is hard too. I guess I am just smack dab in

the middle of a swinging pitty party right now and I know it's time

to call it a night, but I still have a few mental guests who are just

not willing to leave quietly. I try to reason with my " self "

but " self " was never very good at reasoning about anything. I know I

am in a lot better shape than many many others and I shouldn't take

my current situation lightly or for granted because it could be much

worse in a whole lot of ways, heck it has been worse and not so long

ago. I guess I occassionally get selfish and I want it all. The

healthy body - both mentally and physically, the energy, the

knowledge, the drive, the ambition, the determination, the wonderful

outlook on life, the self respect, the carefree attitude, and most of

all hope. I seem to be losing my last tiny grasp on hope. If I lose

that there will be nothing left.

>

> If I could have one single wish in exchange for my life I would

wish away this disease so that no one else would ever have to suffer.

>

> I'm so tired...tired of pain, depression, weight problems,

medications. I am simply sick and tired of being sick and tired. I

just want to feel good again, A little bit for a little while would

be better than nothing at all.

>

> ~Debbie

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Debbie,

Sorry you feel so low. I know how you feel though. This condition has so many

side effects that it is difficult to pinpoint the real cause. Because of the

pain you feel stressed and then the stress makes the pain worse. It does in my

case. It just helps to know that there are people who understand, if not your

direct family. I know my family and friends do not understand. I just wish the

strong medication I am on would help the pain. In England the Doctors have to

follow strong guide lines and do not fully understand this condition, that is my

opinion anyway. Hope you start to feel better soon. In England, the Spring is

just around the corner so that is something to look forward to. I know I cant

be of much help but just thought I would let you know I understand, as do the

others on here.

All the best and take care,

Geraldine from Kent, U>K>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 25/01/2006 11:08:04 GMT Standard Time, ddj972000@...

writes:

I'm so tired...tired of pain, depression, weight problems, medications. I am

simply sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to feel good again,

A little bit for a little while would be better than nothing at all.

Hi Debbie,

I wish we could do something to help you through this difficult period. All

we can do is to be here when you need someone to let your feelings show. Please

do that if you can. It doesn't matter if you are physically better or worse

than anyone else. What matters is how it is affecting you. I hope you can

manage to work you way through this. We will help you do that as best we can.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Hello Debbi,

Just to let you know I'm thinking of you. I feel the same as you. I

seem to go around in a vicious circle. Pain gets me real down and

when I'm down the pain is worse and to top it off I feel like I'm

all alone in the world and not one person knows exactly how I'm

feeling with pain and emotions, its like an on going roller-coaster,

sometimes your so sick you just want to jump off! I have also found

that what works for one does not work for the other. PA is a very

personal disease.

I know its hard especially when you feel so down, but try to find

humour in your life. Hell, make faces at yourself in the mirror if

you have too ;-) it worked for me LOL Also, if you have time have a

quick look at this site. It does uplift you and its mission is to

help remind one and all of the abundance, joy and love that are

there birthrights. Its called www.tut.com/ cut and paste it into

your browser. It does help me when I'm feeling down. Lots of hugs,

and I really know where your at. Thinking of you loads.

Love & light

[Guest guest]

Dear Debbie,

I think a lot of us have been where you are when you wrote this email. Lets

face it, it's hard to live with a disease that doesn't seem to quit and

doesn't have a lot of boundaries. The most important thing I can say is try

and remember you aren't alone. Being sick is so isolating and that alone

leads to depression. It causes problems in our work, our families, our

self-esteem, and our health, so no wonder we have days or even weeks when we

get depressed. We'd be crazy if it didn't affect us somehow. I know for a

fact I had a really hard time for several years when nothing was helping me.

I went from doctor to doctor, from medication to medication and couldn't

seem to find relief no matter where I turned. Finally after about 4 years

of hell, I found Arava and it helped me about 30%. I realize that doesn't

sound like a lot, it wasn't a miracle cure, but it made a big difference. I

was able to get out more, my spirits lifted, and life got better over all.

I kept trying new things and I still do all the time. Unless the side

effects are too scary I'm always willing to give something a try and keep

hoping I'll feel even better. You have to have HOPE. As hard as it is to

keep it alive at times, things can get better. I never thought it was going

to happen to me, but it did. I'm not saying I don't have pain. Or my life

is perfect. I use a cane at home and a wheelchair when I go out. I still

have days when I sleep for 3 days the fatigue is so overwhelming, I'm facing

facial surgery from my jaw falling apart, not to mention the damage it has

done to my spine. But I do have days when I can go places and actually

enjoy life more than you would ever think was possible. It's not easy, but

giving up wasn't an option for me with my family to think of.

Just hang in there, see as many doctors as you can until someone listens to

you. Don't give up and keep trying every day to get better. Fight the

depression with anti depressants, friends, your strong will, positive books,

and anything else you can think of. Just don't give up. Better days

maybe just around the corner. I didn't really believe it either when I was

at my worst, but I'm proof it can happen. Everyone here is thinking of you

and hoping for the best.

Love, Fran

Hello Everyone,

I have been having a particularly difficult time over the past couple of

weeks or so. Oddly this is where I have come for help. To my privite lurking

spot away from family and everyone else. To people I don't know personally,

but feel without a doubt I do know well and you all know me. You know me

because in a way you are me and I am you. Everyone who comes here is a part

of the rest.

My pain has increased and my depression has gone below LOW. I have no doubt

that the depression has caused the increase in pain and the pain has

elevated the depression. It's sort of like the age old question of which

came first the chicken or the egg. In the end what does it really matter -

they are both here. I have a lot of extra emotional stress factors in my

life right now and I try to recognize that as a factor, but sometimes it's

just hard. I know I can't give up, but sometimes that is hard too. I guess I

am just smack dab in the middle of a swinging pitty party right now and I

know it's time to call it a night, but I still have a few mental guests who

are just not willing to leave quietly. I try to reason with my " self " but

" self " was never very good at reasoning about anything. I know I am in a

lot better shape than many many others and I shouldn't take my current

situation lightly or for granted because it could be much worse in a whole

lot of ways, heck it has been worse and not so long ago. I guess I

occassionally get selfish and I want it all. The healthy body - both

mentally and physically, the energy, the knowledge, the drive, the ambition,

the determination, the wonderful outlook on life, the self respect, the

carefree attitude, and most of all hope. I seem to be losing my last tiny

grasp on hope. If I lose that there will be nothing left.

If I could have one single wish in exchange for my life I would wish away

this disease so that no one else would ever have to suffer.

I'm so tired...tired of pain, depression, weight problems, medications. I am

simply sick and tired of being sick and tired. I just want to feel good

again, A little bit for a little while would be better than nothing at all.

~Debbie

_____

[Guest guest]

Debbie, your letter could have been wrote by me, I know exactly what your

felling. Please hang in there with the rest of us. I keep telling myself

tomorrow is a new day and maybe someone will come up with something to help us.

I

was on Enbrel and had to go off of it because of side effects and now I am on

remicade, and it is not working, with my last infusion they had to stop it

early because of chest pains I started to have. I have liver disease and

cannot take a lot of drugs that might would help me. I get depressed and cry a

lot from the pain. I pray a lot and live one day at a time. Your in my

prayers. SHEILA

[Guest guest]

Thank You so much to everyone who replied to my post a few days ago.

Your thoughts, advice, prayers and inspiritational messages are a

great comfort. Most of all I just appreciate with all my heart

knowing you were listening and especially letting me know that you

took the time to read my cry for help. It is amazing how much it can

help a person just to know others are there who TRULY understand. I

know my family does their best to understand, but unless you live

inside the skin of a person with the disease you can never fully

understand. I know that all of you do understand completely because

you are all traveling this same long, winding & bumpy road with me.

I would never wish this disease on another living soul, but

unfortunately at the same time it is a blessing to know you are

there and I am not alone on this journey.

I would like for those who advised me to seek a therapist and

antidepressents to know that I have been under the care of a good

psychiatrist for many years because I also drag around the burden of

bipolar disorder. For the most part it is controlled well with my

medications but ocassionally I get a little off center. This is

proving to be one of those times. I am very fortunate to have an

excellent rheumatologist. She and my psychiatrist keep up with what

the other is doing as far as treatment, medication and bloodwork go.

I would advise anyone with PA to seek out a therapist regardless of

depression or not. It is a good thing to have a neutral individual

to speak to who knows your situation. I think this support group is

an outstanding substitute for a psychiatrist when medication is not

needed. You are all wonderful and I thank God for you.

~Debi

ddj972000

P.S. My depresion has lifted a bit. Nothing to brag about yet, but

at least I have started trying to climb back up the hill. Thank You

& I Love You All for being here for me.

..

>

>

> Hello Everyone,

>

> I have been having a particularly difficult time over the past

couple of weeks or so. Oddly this is where I have come for help. To

my privite lurking spot away from family and everyone else. To

people I don't know personally, but feel without a doubt I do know

well and you all know me. You know me because in a way you are me

and I am you. Everyone who comes here is a part of the rest.

>

> My pain has increased and my depression has gone below LOW. I have

no doubt that the depression has caused the increase in pain and the

pain has elevated the depression. It's sort of like the age old

question of which came first the chicken or the egg. In the end what

does it really matter - they are both here. I have a lot of extra

emotional stress factors in my life right now and I try to recognize

that as a factor, but sometimes it's just hard. I know I can't give

up, but sometimes that is hard too. I guess I am just smack dab in

the middle of a swinging pitty party right now and I know it's time

to call it a night, but I still have a few mental guests who are

just not willing to leave quietly. I try to reason with my " self "

but " self " was never very good at reasoning about anything. I know

I am in a lot better shape than many many others and I shouldn't

take my current situation lightly or for granted because it could be

much worse in a whole lot of ways, heck it has been worse and not so

long ago. I guess I occassionally get selfish and I want it all. The

healthy body - both mentally and physically, the energy, the

knowledge, the drive, the ambition, the determination, the wonderful

outlook on life, the self respect, the carefree attitude, and most

of all hope. I seem to be losing my last tiny grasp on hope. If I

lose that there will be nothing left.

>

> If I could have one single wish in exchange for my life I would

wish away this disease so that no one else would ever have to

suffer.

>

> I'm so tired...tired of pain, depression, weight problems,

medications. I am simply sick and tired of being sick and tired. I

just want to feel good again, A little bit for a little while would

be better than nothing at all.

>

> ~Debbie

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello All, I am a major lurker but I felt the need to ask if anyone has tried

stopping their meds to determine if they are in remission? Has anyone out there

actually experienced a remission at any point or am I just hoping for something

that will never happen? I have been on enbrel and MTX for 18 mos now and I would

like to stop them for a while and see if it might happen.....Pls give me some of

your wisdom

nne

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 28/01/2006 22:22:12 GMT Standard Time, ddj972000@...

writes:

P.S. My depresion has lifted a bit. Nothing to brag about yet, but

at least I have started trying to climb back up the hill. Thank You

& I Love You All for being here for me.

Hi Debi,

Well, I hope you reach the top. Remember, we are all pushing you up there.

Take care,

[Guest guest]

Hi nne...Funny you should ask. I'm doing that right now. It's

not exactly by choice though. Lost my health insurance. I haven't

been able to afford meds for a week. I was on MTX 24mg week.

I was just thinking today about how bad I was feeling, and realized

I wasn't. I was really shocked. One thing I've done since going off

the meds was take vitamin b-12. I won't go into detail but I

suspected I might be low so I tried it. Muscle aches have been much

better (and they were bad!) and joint stiffness not as bad. I was

out running errands today and found that at the end of the day I

wasn't nearly as tired or achey or stiff as compared to a similar

day of activities about two/three weeks ago.

I'll let you know if anything changes either way. In the meantime

I'm going to try cat's claw if it's not too expensive.

Usually I'm not a big proponent of " natural remedies " . Not that I

don't believe in them, I just think there's a lot of hype out there

and it's hard to tell what is and what isn't. I've tried so many

things in the past that it just makes me sick to think of all the

money I wasted. I can't even begin to recount all the supposed

natural rememdies I been told work (I should keep a list) and many

were from people who have arthritis themselves.

A post made recently suggesting cat's claw worked and had scientific

proof to back it up got my attention, so I decided to search the

web myself. I was amazed at what I found. I was very impressed. So

I'm gonna give it a try myself.

Michele

Dallas

>

> Hello All, I am a major lurker but I felt the need to ask if

anyone has tried stopping their meds to determine if they are in

remission? Has anyone out there actually experienced a remission at

any point or am I just hoping for something that will never happen?

I have been on enbrel and MTX for 18 mos now and I would like to

stop them for a while and see if it might happen.....Pls give me

some of your wisdom

> nne

>

>

>

>

> __________________________________________________

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 30/01/2006 23:28:47 GMT Standard Time,

magnoliagirly@... writes:

Hello All, I am a major lurker but I felt the need to ask if anyone has tried

stopping their meds to determine if they are in remission?

Hi nne,

Welcome out of Lurkland. I didn't realise we even had a Major among us. lol I

think some people have stopped to see what would happen with various results.

You maybe missed Micky's recent post saying that he reckons he is in full

remission just now, so it can happen. Just be careful though if you intend to

try

it.

Good luck,

[Guest guest]

Can you tell me what cat's claw dosage you are taking?

summercreekvilla <summercreekvilla@...> wrote: Hi nne...Funny you

should ask. I'm doing that right now. It's

not exactly by choice though. Lost my health insurance. I haven't

been able to afford meds for a week. I was on MTX 24mg week.

I was just thinking today about how bad I was feeling, and realized

I wasn't. I was really shocked. One thing I've done since going off

the meds was take vitamin b-12. I won't go into detail but I

suspected I might be low so I tried it. Muscle aches have been much

better (and they were bad!) and joint stiffness not as bad. I was

out running errands today and found that at the end of the day I

wasn't nearly as tired or achey or stiff as compared to a similar

day of activities about two/three weeks ago.

I'll let you know if anything changes either way. In the meantime

I'm going to try cat's claw if it's not too expensive.

Usually I'm not a big proponent of " natural remedies " . Not that I

don't believe in them, I just think there's a lot of hype out there

and it's hard to tell what is and what isn't. I've tried so many

things in the past that it just makes me sick to think of all the

money I wasted. I can't even begin to recount all the supposed

natural rememdies I been told work (I should keep a list) and many

were from people who have arthritis themselves.

A post made recently suggesting cat's claw worked and had scientific

proof to back it up got my attention, so I decided to search the

web myself. I was amazed at what I found. I was very impressed. So

I'm gonna give it a try myself.

Michele

Dallas

>

> Hello All, I am a major lurker but I felt the need to ask if

anyone has tried stopping their meds to determine if they are in

remission? Has anyone out there actually experienced a remission at

any point or am I just hoping for something that will never happen?

I have been on enbrel and MTX for 18 mos now and I would like to

stop them for a while and see if it might happen.....Pls give me

some of your wisdom

> nne

[Guest guest]

Michele:

Is 'cat's claw' the claw of cats? !

nne Godwin <magnoliagirly@...> wrote:

Can you tell me what cat's claw dosage you are taking?

summercreekvilla <summercreekvilla@...> wrote: Hi nne...Funny you

should ask. I'm doing that right now. It's

not exactly by choice though. Lost my health insurance. I haven't

been able to afford meds for a week. I was on MTX 24mg week.

I was just thinking today about how bad I was feeling, and realized

I wasn't. I was really shocked. One thing I've done since going off

the meds was take vitamin b-12. I won't go into detail but I

suspected I might be low so I tried it. Muscle aches have been much

better (and they were bad!) and joint stiffness not as bad. I was

out running errands today and found that at the end of the day I

wasn't nearly as tired or achey or stiff as compared to a similar

day of activities about two/three weeks ago.

I'll let you know if anything changes either way. In the meantime

I'm going to try cat's claw if it's not too expensive.

Usually I'm not a big proponent of " natural remedies " . Not that I

don't believe in them, I just think there's a lot of hype out there

and it's hard to tell what is and what isn't. I've tried so many

things in the past that it just makes me sick to think of all the

money I wasted. I can't even begin to recount all the supposed

natural rememdies I been told work (I should keep a list) and many

were from people who have arthritis themselves.

A post made recently suggesting cat's claw worked and had scientific

proof to back it up got my attention, so I decided to search the

web myself. I was amazed at what I found. I was very impressed. So

I'm gonna give it a try myself.

Michele

Dallas