I'm starting to break..

[Guest guest]

Well, I was at school today(evening class from 5 to 9). Right after

the first break I checked my phone messages and I got a call from

Anne, the doctor's nurse. " YES! " I thought as I awaited to hear my

estradiol results. She ends up saying my estradiol was 15, and there

is no need for Arimidex. I was broken, my last hope for what the

problem was and they shut me down like that.. I was gonna lose it, I

needed some air, I was done with school for today.

How the fuck is my estradiol 15? What is my problem then? I feel

like complete shit, I feel like I'm drugged and my eyes are raccoon

every freaking day. I have no sex drive, but when I take something

like HCG to increase my sex drive, it works for a week or two, and

then destruction of said benefits as well as destruction of any

remaining bit of energy I have to function as a human freaking being

on a daily basis.

This has been going on now for 9 months, different doctors, same

disappointment. I am still in shock that my estradiol they said was

15? I forced them to give me another estradiol test since the last

time it was 38 and I wasn't even taking anything! Also because

whenever I try to bump my testosterone, after a week or two I feel

twice as bad as my normally exhausted and miserable self. ALL OF THIS

STARTED THE DAY I WENT INTO THE UROLOGIST FOR TREATMENT OF LOW LIBIDO.

Last august, I got testosterone shots, and ever since then, complete

shit , a rollercoaster of feeling miserable even when I'm NOT taking

testosterone. I just can't explain it. The doctor's not even giving

me suggestions, just saying " Nope thats not it " When I have an idea of

what it might be.. My last chance at hope that it is

estradio(EVERYTHING is pointing to estradiol..and it comes back 15?

what the ff..) Now I have no idea what my problem is..my doctor isn't

sure.. he's like the 4th doctor now.. He said I had thyroid problems,

but then gave me pills for that and nothing is fixed.. What got me

through every miserable day was hope that it was something.. Now I'm

out of options and I'm clueless. Next monday I'm going to demand

Arimidex, even if my test said 15. I stopped taking my HCG a week

before the test to get back the last shred of energy I lost the day

before the test. Could that be why it was low? I don't know, all I

know is this is all really fucked up, and what is suppose to be the

best year of my life is becoming the worst.

Just had to vent, sorry, just frustrated. Lotta homework, gonna be fun

trying to screw my head on straight to do all this and try to ignore

the fact that I have no idea how to fix myself and can't stand every

waking freaking day feeling like this.