Guest guest Posted June 22, 2004 Report Share Posted June 22, 2004 Zoella ....I hope you don't mind me saying something here - but if things are as you wrote below, you ARE being used! You say your " neighbor " is over at your place from 3pm until 12 midnight? Why? Why do you put up with that? My father always had a good saying, " good fences make good neighbors " - and while I realize that perhaps you can't have a " fence " , what that also means is that it is important to have some " distance " from your neighbors. Neighbors are people who live close by to us, they are not family members. You also mention that this neighbor has dinner with you every night - why? I'm getting this sense that perhaps you somehow feel sorry or bad for this person ...perhaps she has her own health problems or a sad personal situation and you feel you have to make yourself, your home, and your hospitiality available to her. While at first it may sound like a mean thing to do, tell her that from now on you accept visiting for only certain hours, and that you and your family will be having dinner by yourselves. If you decide visiting at your place is from 3 - 5, then at 5 stand up and tell her she needs to leave now. Will this neighbor be hurt, angry, upset? Yes, I bet she will be - but you'll also be establishing some healthy boundaries. I don't know how most people on this list felt reading your post, but I'd bet most of them would never tolerate the way your privacy and solitude have been violated - - and yes, I am using the term " violated " because that's how it appears. When you have to constantly " take care " of others .....be they friends, family members, or neighbors at the expense of your OWN health and caring for yourself, then something is very much wrong. You say people will get " mad at you " - LET them get mad at you! You have a right to your privacy and a sense of peace and quiet when you want it - - you are not a doormat or put on earth to simply be there all the time for others. Regards, J. Lloyd zoella bernard wrote: > Fran, > > Once again you hit the nail on the head. I push > and push myself doing for others when my own body is > screaming for help. I don't understand why this is > but it seems any one else can so no, but when I say no > they all get mad at me. Also one thing always leads > into something else for me to do. I feel like I have > already gave of myself to the point I will be bedfast > for a few days but they don't understand. I want to > help , I want to reach out to people in need but also > I want respect too of the fact I have health problems. > Everyday my neighbor is over from 3 pm til 12pm I > can not try to do anything because she seems like she > sets on my shoulder and moves each move with me. I > even can't go to the bathroom in peace because she > stands at the door talking to me. I have a small > kitchen so just room for one person but there she is > always in my way and I have to go around or stretch > just to get around her. Every night I have her there > for supper. Jim buys us pop and she drinks a 2 > litter a night from us. Where does one draw a line > between love thy neighbor , where dose it end give of > yourself til it hurts ? I am too easy going and yes I > have too much compassion but I have to go with my > inner selfs feelings and I don't feel comfortable if I > don't do what they ask. Then I start feeling used , > which then turns in to anger that I hold inside me. > See the email you sent me is so true. Jimmy is the > same way about compassion for others. I do not know > when the last time Jim and I set down to watch a movie > or eat by ourselves. It is so sad. I never get to > talk to Jim or him I. Just like yesterday morning I > was asleep and the phone rang and it was the other > Grandma and she wanted me to drive 20 miles one way to > pick up the oldest boy because the sitter did not show > up. She said she would come and pick him up around 2 > pm. Here it is another day and she still has not ever > came here to pick him up nor even call. Sometimes I > just want to run away from myself. I have no time to > doctor as I should and sometimes it is after midnight > before I even get to take my insulin shot. While I am > letting it all out , my neighbor follows me out to > hang clothes and instead of just letting me do it my > self she stands beside me and hands me the clothespin > ! It just takes me longer to get things done. Jimmy > said last night I am just earning jewels for my crown > and our reward will be great in Heaven. I know to > talk about these things knocks the stones right out of > my crown but after reading your message I feel all the > anger I bottle up. My skin is such a big mass all > over that my skin just feels dry and numb when I walk. > My scalp was doing great for a couple of years but > now I don't have time to take care of it. I am a very > nervous person and I let things get to me to much. I > will close for now because I just got a call from my > Aunt and she needs me to take her out of town tomorrow > to get an oil change for her car. I still have not > packed and I have so much to do to prepare for our > trip plus his Mom is coming back with us to stay for 2 > weeks. Guess who has to take her back home a 7 hour > trip one way ?? Yep, your right. I think my name is Zoella Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 23, 2004 Report Share Posted June 23, 2004 Zoella, I understand that you don't want to hurt others and that you don't want them to be angry with you. Let me give you some wonderful words by Mandela from his 1994 inaugural speech: " Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that frightens us. We ask ourselves, who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented and fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small doesn't serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. It is not just in some of us; it's in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give others permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others. " Zoella, pretending that your own feelings don't matter is wrong. Shrinking in order to make others feel tall isn't working. Be who you are. I have often said that I would rather people hate me for who I am than love me for who I am not. I hope you find a way to make your own light shine in order to reclaim the life that you were given. Kathy F. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted June 24, 2004 Report Share Posted June 24, 2004 Jim to encourage me and > seen me at my worse and still loving me and calling > me beautiful, {which I aint beautiful} but he knows > the real me inside . And he's very right Zoella, you are beautiful. Think about it this way, we say " no " to our children because we love them. Try to put it in the same terms when saying no to adults (even if it is for your benefit Have a wonderful day Jane Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted July 2, 2004 Report Share Posted July 2, 2004 ,Jane Thank you for the sweet words. I know when it comes to the psoriasis and Pa I hurt alot as you well know. My problem with Jim is if he has a headache or some pain he says he has no right to complain because of all the pain I have. but I tell him I don't want him to say this because any one hurts and he has a right to complain too. Guess I have been blessed in this department and all his family accepts it too flakes and all, Zoella Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You are posting as a guest. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.
Note: Your post will require moderator approval before it will be visible.