Re: Selfish me

[Guest guest]

Dear Tamara

I dealt with depression long before I ever had PA. It is hereditary in my

family, but I am the first generation to have modern meds to treat it. My

husband was the one who insisted I get treatment. For some years, I only

needed medication during winter (seasonal affective disorder), but after

having my thyroid removed because of cancer, I have been on it year-round.

My mother lost depressive symptoms after menopause, so I hope that may

happen to me. I had my ovaries removed last winter, hysterectomy years

before, and so far, I am still fighting hot flashes and night sweats--so I

am not thinking I am ready to give up the anti-depressants yet.

My advice is to find a good doctor who will work with you to find the right

medication. Don't give up if the first one does not work. They have many

side effects--don't settle for that. Antidepressants do not make you a

zombie, they just even out the brain chemicals so you are on an even keel.

You do not sink into depression as easily or as far. Antidepressants do not

mask feelings and are not a sign of personal character weakness.

Depression is a normal effect of chronic pain. Getting help for it only

makes sense when we are battling for a normal life.

Good luck. E-mail me personally if you need any advice/support on this

issue.

Ks Di

[ ] Selfish me

>

>

>

> Hi friends,

>

> I call you all that because I feel such a strong bond with my

> brothers and sisters in this group who share all of my pain, sorrow

> and joys. I wanted to write you something that I started to write a

> couple of weeks ago, and deleted out of fear. I was actually afriad

> to share it, and now I know that it is my duty to share, so that

> maybe one person out there can relate, and feel a little more sane,

> or at least not alone. It began a few weeks back when I was having

> one of my bad flares and was in a lot of pain. I had been for days,

> and I was about at my ropes end as far as pretending all was fine. I

> know you know what I mean. Anyway, I must have made a comment to my

> husband about my pain or being tired or something and he said to

> me, " you always feel bad, we know this, do we have to hear you talk

> about it each week too? " Now, in defense of my dear hubby, he has

> lived with me and my disease for over 10 yrs, along with our 4

> children. He is human too, and most often a very supportive, loving

> mate. I think he had had a bad moment, day or week as well, but you

> know how it is with this disease, I was too wrapped up in my own pain

> to notice. Anyway, that was certainly the wrong thing to say to me

> at that moment. I didn't go off, or yell, I just went up stairs as

> quickly as I could (which isn't very fast as I am sure you know) and

> sat on the bed to think about what I had just heard. I was mad, I do

> remember that, but most of all sad. I was just certain at that

> moment that I wanted a divorce. I was sure that my family would be

> better off without me to worry about, and I told him so. He was in

> shock I am sure. I told him that I obviously couldn't rely on his

> support, and if I was by myself then at least I would know I was all

> alone in this battle, and not think I had someone to lean on when I

> really didn't. Our fight was bad. He was not getting it, and I

> think he thought I didn't want HIM or that there was another HIM out

> there, yeah right. Anyway, when it was all said and done, I realized

> that I was being selfish, and that me removing myself from my family

> was only for my benefit, and would not do anything positive for the 4

> children I had brought into this world, or for my husband who does

> love me more than life, and I him too. So, I finally faced the hard

> fact that I may not be dealing with this chronic illness in the

> healthiest way. I am not on anti depressants, but I know I need to

> be. I have called the EAP helpline from my work and am going to make

> an appointment with a social worker. I need to learn new coping

> skills on how to best deal with the anger, self pity, sadness and

> sense of loss I feel now on a daily basis due to this disease. I

> encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed to do the same, and don't hold

> it in. I will keep you all updated on my progress, and let you know

> if it helps.

>

> I have to try for me and my family,

>

> Tamara

>

[Guest guest]

Tamara, Good for you. I have found that talking someone who is " paid " to

listen to you

" moan and gripe and complain " removes so much of the guilt I feel at complaining

that it

is so worth it. I can say things I would never say to anyone else. I was

brought up not to

ever complain or whine and in some ways asking for help is at this point one of

the most

difficult parts of this disease for me, feeling I am imposing on others and

don't realy

deserve their help. Having some one whose job it is to help and paying them back

in some

way (money in this case) allows me to vent more easily.

good luck and happy thanksgiving

jerre

>

>

> Hi friends,

>

> I call you all that because I feel such a strong bond with my

> brothers and sisters in this group who share all of my pain, sorrow

> and joys. I wanted to write you something that I started to write a

> couple of weeks ago, and deleted out of fear. I was actually afriad

> to share it, and now I know that it is my duty to share, so that

> maybe one person out there can relate, and feel a little more sane,

> or at least not alone. It began a few weeks back when I was having

> one of my bad flares and was in a lot of pain. I had been for days,

> and I was about at my ropes end as far as pretending all was fine. I

> know you know what I mean. Anyway, I must have made a comment to my

> husband about my pain or being tired or something and he said to

> me, " you always feel bad, we know this, do we have to hear you talk

> about it each week too? " Now, in defense of my dear hubby, he has

> lived with me and my disease for over 10 yrs, along with our 4

> children. He is human too, and most often a very supportive, loving

> mate. I think he had had a bad moment, day or week as well, but you

> know how it is with this disease, I was too wrapped up in my own pain

> to notice. Anyway, that was certainly the wrong thing to say to me

> at that moment. I didn't go off, or yell, I just went up stairs as

> quickly as I could (which isn't very fast as I am sure you know) and

> sat on the bed to think about what I had just heard. I was mad, I do

> remember that, but most of all sad. I was just certain at that

> moment that I wanted a divorce. I was sure that my family would be

> better off without me to worry about, and I told him so. He was in

> shock I am sure. I told him that I obviously couldn't rely on his

> support, and if I was by myself then at least I would know I was all

> alone in this battle, and not think I had someone to lean on when I

> really didn't. Our fight was bad. He was not getting it, and I

> think he thought I didn't want HIM or that there was another HIM out

> there, yeah right. Anyway, when it was all said and done, I realized

> that I was being selfish, and that me removing myself from my family

> was only for my benefit, and would not do anything positive for the 4

> children I had brought into this world, or for my husband who does

> love me more than life, and I him too. So, I finally faced the hard

> fact that I may not be dealing with this chronic illness in the

> healthiest way. I am not on anti depressants, but I know I need to

> be. I have called the EAP helpline from my work and am going to make

> an appointment with a social worker. I need to learn new coping

> skills on how to best deal with the anger, self pity, sadness and

> sense of loss I feel now on a daily basis due to this disease. I

> encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed to do the same, and don't hold

> it in. I will keep you all updated on my progress, and let you know

> if it helps.

>

> I have to try for me and my family,

>

> Tamara

[Guest guest]

---

Hi Tamara,

I really felt for you in your message. I'm 43 years old and have

been married to my husband for 22 years. Every week we go through

the " you are always sick " and then me trying to explain this awful

disease and the symtoms. I glad you are getting help...but I think

I'm almost at wit's end with my husband. For the past two years I

have seriously consider leaving him and moving to another state to

start out new. My son is leaving for college this next year so it

will only be my teenage daughter and me-we're are really close. I

just don't think he will ever understand and in a way I think he adds

to my stress level-I'm not one to blame my problems on others, but I

have noticed when it gets " heated up " around here with an argument or

something I get worse. Anyhow I'm getting my total hip done this

coming month and I'm going to play everything by ear and see what

happens...sorry to hear about my problems!!

God Bless, Sue.

In , " Tamara "

<artfulmindless@y...> wrote:

>

>

> Hi friends,

>

> I call you all that because I feel such a strong bond with my

> brothers and sisters in this group who share all of my pain, sorrow

> and joys. I wanted to write you something that I started to write

a

> couple of weeks ago, and deleted out of fear. I was actually

afriad

> to share it, and now I know that it is my duty to share, so that

> maybe one person out there can relate, and feel a little more sane,

> or at least not alone. It began a few weeks back when I was having

> one of my bad flares and was in a lot of pain. I had been for

days,

> and I was about at my ropes end as far as pretending all was fine.

I

> know you know what I mean. Anyway, I must have made a comment to

my

> husband about my pain or being tired or something and he said to

> me, " you always feel bad, we know this, do we have to hear you talk

> about it each week too? " Now, in defense of my dear hubby, he has

> lived with me and my disease for over 10 yrs, along with our 4

> children. He is human too, and most often a very supportive,

loving

> mate. I think he had had a bad moment, day or week as well, but

you

> know how it is with this disease, I was too wrapped up in my own

pain

> to notice. Anyway, that was certainly the wrong thing to say to me

> at that moment. I didn't go off, or yell, I just went up stairs as

> quickly as I could (which isn't very fast as I am sure you know)

and

> sat on the bed to think about what I had just heard. I was mad, I

do

> remember that, but most of all sad. I was just certain at that

> moment that I wanted a divorce. I was sure that my family would be

> better off without me to worry about, and I told him so. He was in

> shock I am sure. I told him that I obviously couldn't rely on his

> support, and if I was by myself then at least I would know I was

all

> alone in this battle, and not think I had someone to lean on when I

> really didn't. Our fight was bad. He was not getting it, and I

> think he thought I didn't want HIM or that there was another HIM

out

> there, yeah right. Anyway, when it was all said and done, I

realized

> that I was being selfish, and that me removing myself from my

family

> was only for my benefit, and would not do anything positive for the

4

> children I had brought into this world, or for my husband who does

> love me more than life, and I him too. So, I finally faced the

hard

> fact that I may not be dealing with this chronic illness in the

> healthiest way. I am not on anti depressants, but I know I need to

> be. I have called the EAP helpline from my work and am going to

make

> an appointment with a social worker. I need to learn new coping

> skills on how to best deal with the anger, self pity, sadness and

> sense of loss I feel now on a daily basis due to this disease. I

> encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed to do the same, and don't

hold

> it in. I will keep you all updated on my progress, and let you

know

> if it helps.

>

> I have to try for me and my family,

>

> Tamara

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much for the information, I need to be reminded of these

things. I too have depression in my family quite a bit, my mother

has suffered from severe depression her whole life and at times has

been hospitalized for years due to it. I lost my only sibling to it

as well through suicide. I have always been the " strong " one for

everyone else.

Thanks again,

Tamara

>

> Dear Tamara

>

> I dealt with depression long before I ever had PA. It is

hereditary in my

> family, but I am the first generation to have modern meds to treat

it. My

> husband was the one who insisted I get treatment. For some years,

I only

> needed medication during winter (seasonal affective disorder), but

after

> having my thyroid removed because of cancer, I have been on it year-

round.

> My mother lost depressive symptoms after menopause, so I hope that

may

> happen to me. I had my ovaries removed last winter, hysterectomy

years

> before, and so far, I am still fighting hot flashes and night

sweats--so I

> am not thinking I am ready to give up the anti-depressants yet.

>

> My advice is to find a good doctor who will work with you to find

the right

> medication. Don't give up if the first one does not work. They

have many

> side effects--don't settle for that. Antidepressants do not make

you a

> zombie, they just even out the brain chemicals so you are on an

even keel.

> You do not sink into depression as easily or as far.

Antidepressants do not

> mask feelings and are not a sign of personal character weakness.

>

> Depression is a normal effect of chronic pain. Getting help for it

only

> makes sense when we are battling for a normal life.

>

> Good luck. E-mail me personally if you need any advice/support on

this

> issue.

>

> Ks Di

[Guest guest]

I agree, and it is time I tried it. Thanks for the support, you all

are so wonderful...

Tamara

>

>

> Tamara, Good for you. I have found that talking someone who

is " paid " to listen to you

> " moan and gripe and complain " removes so much of the guilt I feel

at complaining that it

> is so worth it. I can say things I would never say to anyone

else. I was brought up not to

> ever complain or whine and in some ways asking for help is at this

point one of the most

> difficult parts of this disease for me, feeling I am imposing on

others and don't realy

> deserve their help. Having some one whose job it is to help and

paying them back in some

> way (money in this case) allows me to vent more easily.

>

> good luck and happy thanksgiving

>

> jerre---

[Guest guest]

Dear Sue, I understand how you feel. It is so hard to have this disease

and then to not get the support from your family, makes it almost

unbearable. Does your husband realize how you feel? Does he know that his

actions might make you leave him? I hope he does, because he is going to

have enough guilt over all of this if you do decide to leave. Have you

tried couple counseling? I know a lot of people don't want to go and

sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. I don't think it would hurt.

Even if he won't go with you, it might be good for you to go and have an

independent person to talk too. Sometimes they can see tings we can't being

so close to the situation.

Well I would write more, but my hands are really bad from over doing it

yesterday. Take care and good luck. Love, Fran

[ ] Re: Selfish me

---

Hi Tamara,

I really felt for you in your message. I'm 43 years old and have

been married to my husband for 22 years. Every week we go through

the " you are always sick " and then me trying to explain this awful

disease and the symtoms. I glad you are getting help...but I think

I'm almost at wit's end with my husband. For the past two years I

have seriously consider leaving him and moving to another state to

start out new. My son is leaving for college this next year so it

will only be my teenage daughter and me-we're are really close. I

just don't think he will ever understand and in a way I think he adds

to my stress level-I'm not one to blame my problems on others, but I

have noticed when it gets " heated up " around here with an argument or

something I get worse. Anyhow I'm getting my total hip done this

coming month and I'm going to play everything by ear and see what

happens...sorry to hear about my problems!!

God Bless, Sue.

[Guest guest]

hi susie and tamara,

i need to weigh in on this one too - i have frequently considered

leaving my husband because he is not supportive and worse, verbally

abusive... there is rarely calm waters around our place and his

anger and lack of understanding - calling me a cripple, etc. -is my

worst stressor... it's rather complicated and i won't go into

the 'why's' of why i stay....that's for another discussion,

perhaps. i try to emotionally protect myself by visualizing a sheet

of plexiglass around me so nothing can penetrate - it's quite

effective - a friend from this board has also suggested thinking of

having a mirror in front so it all reflects back... i feel for both

of you and totally understand. thank goodness we all have each

other - i know i feel much more centered, and validated, by visiting

this board and sharing with everyone.

God bless, and a very very happy thanksgiving.

karen

>

> ---

> Hi Tamara,

>

> I really felt for you in your message. I'm 43 years old and have

> been married to my husband for 22 years. Every week we go through

> the " you are always sick " and then me trying to explain this awful

> disease and the symtoms. I glad you are getting help...but I

think

> I'm almost at wit's end with my husband. For the past two years I

> have seriously consider leaving him and moving to another state to

> start out new. My son is leaving for college this next year so it

> will only be my teenage daughter and me-we're are really close. I

> just don't think he will ever understand and in a way I think he

adds

> to my stress level-I'm not one to blame my problems on others, but

I

> have noticed when it gets " heated up " around here with an argument

or

> something I get worse. Anyhow I'm getting my total hip done this

> coming month and I'm going to play everything by ear and see what

> happens...sorry to hear about my problems!!

>

> God Bless, Sue.

>

[Guest guest]

Tamara:

Stay strong, you have already taken the first step, admitting that there

might be difficulty. Now you're on the 2nd step, trying to get it dealt

with.

Thank you for sharing with us Tamara, and I " m sure there have been some

among us that have had the same problems. I, personally, am single, and

dealing with this alone. I have a small support structure of friends, and

now I have these boards, which are more helpful than anything I've found

yet. The mental suppors I definately need more than the physical. I'm still

trying to wrap my brain around the fact that I'm 31 and have a disease that

is going to cause me chronic pain for the rest of my life. Reading here

about people who have had this for a long time, and how to deal with it,

REALLY helps me. My fears are about the unknown. I find that knowledge cures

my fear, and here's the place for knowledge for sure.

Love and light

Crystal

>From: " Tamara " <artfulmindless@...>

>Reply-

>

>Subject: [ ] Selfish me

>Date: Wed, 24 Nov 2004 13:50:34 -0000

>

>

>

>Hi friends,

>

>I call you all that because I feel such a strong bond with my

>brothers and sisters in this group who share all of my pain, sorrow

>and joys. I wanted to write you something that I started to write a

>couple of weeks ago, and deleted out of fear. I was actually afriad

>to share it, and now I know that it is my duty to share, so that

>maybe one person out there can relate, and feel a little more sane,

>or at least not alone. It began a few weeks back when I was having

>one of my bad flares and was in a lot of pain. I had been for days,

>and I was about at my ropes end as far as pretending all was fine. I

>know you know what I mean. Anyway, I must have made a comment to my

>husband about my pain or being tired or something and he said to

>me, " you always feel bad, we know this, do we have to hear you talk

>about it each week too? " Now, in defense of my dear hubby, he has

>lived with me and my disease for over 10 yrs, along with our 4

>children. He is human too, and most often a very supportive, loving

>mate. I think he had had a bad moment, day or week as well, but you

>know how it is with this disease, I was too wrapped up in my own pain

>to notice. Anyway, that was certainly the wrong thing to say to me

>at that moment. I didn't go off, or yell, I just went up stairs as

>quickly as I could (which isn't very fast as I am sure you know) and

>sat on the bed to think about what I had just heard. I was mad, I do

>remember that, but most of all sad. I was just certain at that

>moment that I wanted a divorce. I was sure that my family would be

>better off without me to worry about, and I told him so. He was in

>shock I am sure. I told him that I obviously couldn't rely on his

>support, and if I was by myself then at least I would know I was all

>alone in this battle, and not think I had someone to lean on when I

>really didn't. Our fight was bad. He was not getting it, and I

>think he thought I didn't want HIM or that there was another HIM out

>there, yeah right. Anyway, when it was all said and done, I realized

>that I was being selfish, and that me removing myself from my family

>was only for my benefit, and would not do anything positive for the 4

>children I had brought into this world, or for my husband who does

>love me more than life, and I him too. So, I finally faced the hard

>fact that I may not be dealing with this chronic illness in the

>healthiest way. I am not on anti depressants, but I know I need to

>be. I have called the EAP helpline from my work and am going to make

>an appointment with a social worker. I need to learn new coping

>skills on how to best deal with the anger, self pity, sadness and

>sense of loss I feel now on a daily basis due to this disease. I

>encourage anyone who feels overwhelmed to do the same, and don't hold

>it in. I will keep you all updated on my progress, and let you know

>if it helps.

>

>I have to try for me and my family,

>

>Tamara

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

HUGS to all of you....I am more fortunate with my spouse than I

sound, he most of the time is wonderful, but like I said, human. I

also encourage Susie to get someone to talk to, even if you write me

off list and , I am praying for you to be strong and cope.

Bless us all,

Tamara

>

> hi susie and tamara,

>

> i need to weigh in on this one too - i have frequently considered

> leaving my husband because he is not supportive and worse, verbally

> abusive... there is rarely calm waters around our place and his

> anger and lack of understanding - calling me a cripple, etc. -is my

> worst stressor... it's rather complicated and i won't go into

> the 'why's' of why i stay....that's for another discussion,

> perhaps. i try to emotionally protect myself by visualizing a

sheet

> of plexiglass around me so nothing can penetrate - it's quite

> effective - a friend from this board has also suggested thinking of

> having a mirror in front so it all reflects back... i feel for

both

> of you and totally understand. thank goodness we all have each

> other - i know i feel much more centered, and validated, by

visiting

> this board and sharing with everyone.

>

> God bless, and a very very happy thanksgiving.

>

> karen

[Guest guest]

Hi Tamara,

I totally understand how you are feeling. When I was at my worst I

was so depressed. My husband has the patience of a saint but I

remember him making a similar comment....something like " you've got

to get over it " . I was crying every day...sometimes from the pain,

sometimes from the secondary mess the pain had created...messy

house, stressed out kids, stressed out dog, lack of exercise, lack

of sleep, poor eating (who has the energy to limp into a grocery

store?) Mark was begging me to try an anti-depressant. Depression

runs in my family too..no doubt..but I was never a believer in

drugs. (I've obviously had to get over that one !!!) Anyway, after

crying through a couple doctors visits (with my husband present) I

had to accept the reality ...that I needed help. My husband was

being pushed beyond reasonable limits.

I ended up taking Amitriptyline. I'm not sure if I've taken exactly

the way I should have been but, regardless, it helped. I was

finally able to stop crying.

Good luck with whatever you decide .....I should also mention that I

am a big believer in counseling...we did it for a while many years

ago (pre-PA)....I think it gave us a great foundation which has

helped us both get over this PA obstacle.

Take Care,

******one more thing...so sorry to hear about your sibling...I also

lost a loved one to suicide...one of my oldest, closest, childhood

friends. The stress of losing a loved one in this way can be

overwhelming...I feel that tragedy alone let the PA take control of

my body. Stress really can do a number on us...be careful about

that.

>

> Thank you so much for the information, I need to be reminded of

these

> things. I too have depression in my family quite a bit, my mother

> has suffered from severe depression her whole life and at times

has

> been hospitalized for years due to it. I lost my only sibling to

it

> as well through suicide. I have always been the " strong " one for

> everyone else.

>

> Thanks again,

> Tamara

>

>

[Guest guest]

---

Hi Fran,

We probably could use some counseling, but I doubt that he will go.

It would probably do me some good if I went though. Today we went to

his Mother's for Thanksgiving dinner and I felt so alone...everyone

is so healthy and happy and don't relate to anyone with a Chronic

Illness. My back and hip started hurting sitting at the dining room

table and I felt I needed to leave-we had been there for almost 3

hours...I had taken two vicodin ES-and one of the relatives said

maybe I needed to walk around alittle bit...I said maybe I need to go

to bed is more like it, lol. I left him speechless. Why is it that

people think because we have leg, back, hip problems its got to do

with not enough exercise or being lazy? I wanted to say " live a

couple hours in my body " . Thanks again with the helpful message.

God Bless, Sue.

In , " Fran Mishler " <fran@m...>

wrote:

>

> Dear Sue, I understand how you feel. It is so hard to have this

disease

> and then to not get the support from your family, makes it almost

> unbearable. Does your husband realize how you feel? Does he know

that his

> actions might make you leave him? I hope he does, because he is

going to

> have enough guilt over all of this if you do decide to leave. Have

you

> tried couple counseling? I know a lot of people don't want to go

and

> sometimes it helps and sometimes it doesn't. I don't think it

would hurt.

> Even if he won't go with you, it might be good for you to go and

have an

> independent person to talk too. Sometimes they can see tings we

can't being

> so close to the situation.

>

> Well I would write more, but my hands are really bad from over

doing it

> yesterday. Take care and good luck. Love, Fran

>

[Guest guest]

---

Hi ,

I hadn't read this message when I wrote the other one. Thanks so

much for writing it; I actually felt better knowing that someone else

is going through what I am. Not that I am happy that someone else

unhappy helps me out, but just knowing that someone is actually

experiencing this same situation helps me out. I stay with my

husband because I get disability (I had a pretty good job, but lost

it due to my PA) and he makes a pretty good living...I can't afford

living on what I have with my meds, hospital stay, etc. and the kids

don't want me to leave. I know there will come a time for me to

leave and I'm okay with that. Sorry if this sounds callous.

God Bless, Sue.

In , " " <missionblondie@y...>

wrote:

>

> hi susie and tamara,

>

> i need to weigh in on this one too - i have frequently considered

> leaving my husband because he is not supportive and worse, verbally

> abusive... there is rarely calm waters around our place and his

> anger and lack of understanding - calling me a cripple, etc. -is my

> worst stressor... it's rather complicated and i won't go into

> the 'why's' of why i stay....that's for another discussion,

> perhaps. i try to emotionally protect myself by visualizing a

sheet

> of plexiglass around me so nothing can penetrate - it's quite

> effective - a friend from this board has also suggested thinking of

> having a mirror in front so it all reflects back... i feel for

both

> of you and totally understand. thank goodness we all have each

> other - i know i feel much more centered, and validated, by

visiting

> this board and sharing with everyone.

>

> God bless, and a very very happy thanksgiving.

>

> karen

[Guest guest]

Susie,

i understand 'exactly'...

God bless,

karen

> >

> > hi susie and tamara,

> >

> > i need to weigh in on this one too - i have frequently

considered

> > leaving my husband because he is not supportive and worse,

verbally

> > abusive... there is rarely calm waters around our place and his

> > anger and lack of understanding - calling me a cripple, etc. -is

my

> > worst stressor... it's rather complicated and i won't go into

> > the 'why's' of why i stay....that's for another discussion,

> > perhaps. i try to emotionally protect myself by visualizing a

> sheet

> > of plexiglass around me so nothing can penetrate - it's quite

> > effective - a friend from this board has also suggested thinking

of

> > having a mirror in front so it all reflects back... i feel for

> both

> > of you and totally understand. thank goodness we all have each

> > other - i know i feel much more centered, and validated, by

> visiting

> > this board and sharing with everyone.

> >

> > God bless, and a very very happy thanksgiving.

> >

> > karen

[Guest guest]

---

Hi Tamara,

Thanks so much for your thoughts and prayers-I really do appreciate

it. You are so thoughtful. I hope things get better for you. And

thanks for the offer of writing off line...soon I might take you up

on that!!

God Bless, Sue.

In , " Tamara "

<artfulmindless@y...> wrote:

>

> HUGS to all of you....I am more fortunate with my spouse than I

> sound, he most of the time is wonderful, but like I said, human. I

> also encourage Susie to get someone to talk to, even if you write

me

> off list and , I am praying for you to be strong and cope.

>

> Bless us all,

> Tamara

[Guest guest]

---

Thanks for both your messages and your kind thoughts.

God Bless, Sue.

In , " " <missionblondie@y...>

wrote:

>

>

> Susie,

>

> i understand 'exactly'...

>

> God bless,

>

> karen

>

>

> > >

> > > hi susie and tamara,

> > >

> > > i need to weigh in on this one too - i have frequently

> considered

> > > leaving my husband because he is not supportive and worse,

> verbally

> > > abusive... there is rarely calm waters around our place and his

> > > anger and lack of understanding - calling me a cripple, etc. -

is

> my

> > > worst stressor... it's rather complicated and i won't go into

> > > the 'why's' of why i stay....that's for another discussion,

> > > perhaps. i try to emotionally protect myself by visualizing a

> > sheet

> > > of plexiglass around me so nothing can penetrate - it's quite

> > > effective - a friend from this board has also suggested

thinking

> of

> > > having a mirror in front so it all reflects back... i feel for

> > both

> > > of you and totally understand. thank goodness we all have each

> > > other - i know i feel much more centered, and validated, by

> > visiting

> > > this board and sharing with everyone.

> > >

> > > God bless, and a very very happy thanksgiving.

> > >

> > > karen

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 11/25/2004 8:48:52 PM Eastern Standard Time,

susieesue@... writes:

....I had taken two vicodin ES-and one of the relatives said

maybe I needed to walk around alittle bit...I said maybe I need to go

to bed is more like it, lol. I left him speechless.

Hi Sue, I hear you...have you ever thought about asking if there is a place

where you can take a short nap? I have napped in every relatives house

during long holiday gatherings...I know they all used to think I was nuts, but

now

they are used to it:-) I usually disappear for 30-45 minutes or so, and can

make it through a much longer celebration that way:-)