Re: Christmas gift problem

[Guest guest]

Well ill throw my .02 in here. If it were my son, I'd be thrilled if he was sticking with something and following through to try and earn what he wanted. I wouldn't call it caving in, but I'd make sure my son got the toy, considering his effort. Maybe go dollar for dollar depending on how much she has, some way to show its not just you giving in to what she wants, but making it clear you're rewarding her for her working and saving. Maybe that would encourage her to keep doing it for things she wants in the future?Just mhoPamSent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: "Cheryl " <grvychic@...>Sender: Date: Sat, 27 Nov 2010 12:56:50 -0500 (Eastern Standard Time)< >Reply Subject: ( ) Christmas gift problem My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a decision. Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24. The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very focused on saving for the doll. The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas, which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day. Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though. She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle. The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama and meltdowns. We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants. Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress, have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm? Thanks!Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

I know this situtation, it sucks. But I think if it means this much to her I'd get the doll as a gift and let her work towards something else she wants for the doll (I don't know much about these dolls but from the catalogs for AG I've seen, its a never ending cycle:)) I wouldn't give her the doll till Christmas though so it could be a surprise and it will allow her to keep earning and saving. I hate to say it but lately around here its all about avoiding meltdowns so I will admit I'm voting for the easy way:)) Good Luck!

Jenn

From: Cheryl <grvychic@...> Sent: Sat, November 27, 2010 11:56:50 AMSubject: ( ) Christmas gift problem

My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a decision.

Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very focused on saving for the doll.

The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas, which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day. Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though. She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama and meltdowns.

We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress, have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

Thanks!

Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

What about, right before Christmas, you explain to her that she doesn't have enough, but maybe she could leave what she has saved up so far, for Santa? With a note to him that she has saved up X amount, and it's her Christmas wish to have it? And maybe he would cover the rest? Just thinking out loud.

From: Cheryl <grvychic@...>Subject: ( ) Christmas gift problem Date: Saturday, November 27, 2010, 9:56 AM

My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a decision.

Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very focused on saving for the doll.

The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas, which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day. Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though. She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama and meltdowns.

We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress, have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

Thanks!

Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

What if closer to the date you reward her efforts by matching her $ so that she might

be lots closer??

I know that this stops ours from taking $ out of her money box to spend at school as

we will match $ for what goes into the bank.

Just an idea....

From: Cheryl <grvychic@...>Subject: ( ) Christmas gift problem Received: Sunday, 28 November, 2010, 4:56 AM

My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a decision.

Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very focused on saving for the doll.

The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas, which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day. Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though. She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama and meltdowns.

We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress, have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

Thanks!

Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

I would definitely get her the doll and consider it her Christmas gift. I don't know how much you ususally spend on Christmas gifts, but I think she should be rewarded for saving so much. That is really impressive for an 8 year old to focus on a goal and work hard for it. I think you want to encourage that behavior, especially in an Aspie.

If you really can't afford it, that's different. But at least get the dress so she has something tangible for the work she's done and money she's saved. That's my opinion.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Suzanne

suzmarkwood@...

From: Cheryl <grvychic@...>Subject: ( ) Christmas gift problem Date: Saturday, November 27, 2010, 9:56 AM

My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a decision.

Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very focused on saving for the doll.

The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas, which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day. Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though. She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama and meltdowns.

We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress, have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

Thanks!

Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

Hi there,

Personally I would have Santa bring the doll. Good for her working so hard to

save for something. Maybe she can use her earnings to but accessaries for her

new doll? Children are young for such a short period of their lives. I'm so

happy that my daughter still plays with dolls and I dread the day she thinks

she's too old to pretend.

Christmas is such a magical time of the year that I think if you got her the

doll it wouldn't be " giving in " It's not like she's in line at Toys R US

throwing a fit or anything, she's obviously serious about her want for this

particular doll.

Hugs,

>

> My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can

> understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a

> decision.

>

> Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog

> for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl

> dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she

> herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and

> the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

>

> The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the

> value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the

> dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to

> each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very

> focused on saving for the doll.

>

> The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas,

> which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are

> Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day.

> Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll

> just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons

> of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though

> She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

>

> The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same

> doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we

> re in for major drama and meltdowns.

>

> We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we

> know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before

> Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate,

> it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

>

> Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress,

> have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be

> work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

>

> Thanks!

> Cheryl S.

>

[Guest guest]

Awww.....Cheryl.

I'd give her the doll!!!! AND praise her for saving and wanting to do it on her own. AND tell her that THAT'S why she deserves it!!!!I think it's wonderful of her to want to do it.....and save!!!! That's quite a lesson to teach and she was willing to do it - even though not realizing how long it would REALLY take.

And....guess what? The miracle that she was thinking would happen could be that she was being such a great daughter and wanting to be so responsible, that you wanted to help her out and get her the doll.

Hey.....just thought of something else.

How about you give her a note at XMAS saying all of this and saying that the day after XMAS (Savings for you - he he ),,,,,,you guys will take her saved up money and go and get the doll......and tell her that you'll pay the rest!!!!That way, she's contributing and will feel wonderful for it!!!

Good luck!! Man,,,,,,kids can really astound us sometimes, can't they? How wonderful!!!!

Robin

PEOPLE MAY NOT REMEMBER EXACTLY

WHAT YOU DID OR WHAT YOU SAID,

BUT THEY WILL ALWAYS REMEMBER

HOW YOU MADE THEM FEEL

From: Cheryl <grvychic@...>Subject: ( ) Christmas gift problem Date: Saturday, November 27, 2010, 11:56 AM

My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a decision.

Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very focused on saving for the doll.

The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas, which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day. Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though. She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama and meltdowns.

We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress, have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

Thanks!

Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

Wow...that is so fantastic on her part...and she sounds like she is doing a great job on her part. What I would do is make up the difference.....dose she really need to know that she was not able to earn enough for both...the fact that she is trying to is the best part of all. I would give her the doll and dress for her to wear on Christmas Day. However you decide to explain it to her is up to you. But, I think she deserves it as she is working so hard for it. If you want her to continue work for it to make up the difference fine....but just make sure she has it for Christmas. How wonderful. And, yes, I do know what it is like...my son could not wait ...I usually ended up giving him one or two presents before Christmas...so I know!

Jan

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: Cheryl <grvychic@...> Sent: Sat, November 27, 2010 12:56:50 PMSubject: ( ) Christmas gift problem

My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a decision.

Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very focused on saving for the doll.

The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas, which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day. Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though. She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama and meltdowns.

We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress, have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

Thanks!

Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

I would buy the doll as a present and let her buy the dress. Praise her for the work and savings goal and see what is next for the money (bank so she can see it grow).-- Sent from my Palm PreOn Nov 27, 2010 21:39, Cheryl <grvychic@...> wrote:

My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a decision.

Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very focused on saving for the doll.

The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas, which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day. Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though. She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama and meltdowns.

We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress, have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

Thanks!

Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

I'd give her both for Christmas if you can afford it. Then tell her if she wants

more dresses for the doll then she can use her savings to get them. That may

keep her motivated to continue working since she'll probably want more outfits

for the doll once Christmas passes.

IMO, no 8 yr old kid has a real concept of money. The fact that your dd knows

that she has to work to earn something is probably more advanced than a lot of 8

yr olds who would simply ask their parents or Santa for the doll.

Caroline

>

> My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can

> understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a

> decision.

>

> Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog

> for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl

> dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she

> herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and

> the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

>

> The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the

> value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the

> dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to

> each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very

> focused on saving for the doll.

>

> The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas,

> which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are

> Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day.

> Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll

> just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons

> of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though

> She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

>

> The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same

> doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we

> re in for major drama and meltdowns.

>

> We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we

> know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before

> Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate,

> it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

>

> Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress,

> have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be

> work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

>

> Thanks!

> Cheryl S.

>

[Guest guest]

I have this situation many times occur. Here is what I have done over and over

in situations like this. First if she wants something

you don't want her to have (like a lot of pets) you have to

just say no to that. If you have no intention of buying her

expensive things in the future start now working on developing a set of values

that focuses on making good practical decisions.

You may not want all the focus on expensive items even if she

earns them.

Second you don't want to encourage so much focus on presents

that she has to have. As soon as she gets an idea in the

future if it is expensive try to focus her on other alternatives

that may as good of an idea.

I would spend about 15 minutes each day on coping and flexible thinking

exercises so she earns points by Christmas.

I would make it possible to get what she wanted since I assume she is young and

lots of kids want things at Christmas.

To teach coping and flexible thinking I have my daughter earn extra points each

day for coming up a list of things she could afford and be happy with. You may

have to initiate a lot of the ideas.

I would have her earn extra points for considering different

options. What could she make her and her doll that

is affordable. Maybe they can have matching headbands and

both wear red dresses. It doesn't have to be that particular

dress to be happy. We all have impulses for certain things.

The idea is to develop flexible thinking (I like that dress for that doll but I

could be happy with this alternative too). If I could

afford the dress though I would get it for Christmas rather than

other gifts if she still likes it so much.

I would stay away from ideas where she is making dresses if she

has any perfectionizing traits. That can lead to more problems.

Keep the ideas very simple.

Kids do want what other kids have, webkins, certain dolls,

certain clothes etc.

Pam

>

> My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can

> understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a

> decision.

>

> Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog

> for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl

> dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she

> herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and

> the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

>

> The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the

> value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the

> dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to

> each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very

> focused on saving for the doll.

>

> The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas,

> which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are

> Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day.

> Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll

> just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons

> of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though

> She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

>

> The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same

> doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we

> re in for major drama and meltdowns.

>

> We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we

> know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before

> Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate,

> it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

>

> Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress,

> have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be

> work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

>

> Thanks!

> Cheryl S.

>

[Guest guest]

The one thing that caught my attention in your post was that your daughter

actually has a best friend. If my son (also eight years old) had a close friend,

I would be so thrilled that I would do anything to keep the friendship going. If

having the doll helps her to bond with her friend and not having it causes bad

feelings, then by all means, get her the doll! Best wishes for a happy holiday!

>

> My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can

> understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a

> decision.

>

> Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog

> for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl

> dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she

> herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and

> the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

>

> The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the

> value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the

> dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to

> each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very

> focused on saving for the doll.

>

> The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas,

> which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are

> Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day.

> Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll

> just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons

> of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though

> She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

>

> The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same

> doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we

> re in for major drama and meltdowns.

>

> We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we

> know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before

> Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate,

> it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

>

> Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress,

> have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be

> work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

>

> Thanks!

> Cheryl S.

>

[Guest guest]

My problem is my jd wants dsi ipad rollerblades games. Doesn't understand we

can't afford all that. Even if we got all that it still be upset he didn't get

something else

On Sun Nov 28th, 2010 12:29 PM EST Pamela wrote:

>I have this situation many times occur. Here is what I have done over and over

in situations like this. First if she wants something

>you don't want her to have (like a lot of pets) you have to

>just say no to that. If you have no intention of buying her

>expensive things in the future start now working on developing a set of values

that focuses on making good practical decisions.

>You may not want all the focus on expensive items even if she

>earns them.

>

>Second you don't want to encourage so much focus on presents

>that she has to have. As soon as she gets an idea in the

>future if it is expensive try to focus her on other alternatives

>that may as good of an idea.

>

>I would spend about 15 minutes each day on coping and flexible thinking

exercises so she earns points by Christmas.

>I would make it possible to get what she wanted since I assume she is young and

lots of kids want things at Christmas.

>

>To teach coping and flexible thinking I have my daughter earn extra points each

day for coming up a list of things she could afford and be happy with. You may

have to initiate a lot of the ideas.

>

>I would have her earn extra points for considering different

>options. What could she make her and her doll that

>is affordable. Maybe they can have matching headbands and

>both wear red dresses. It doesn't have to be that particular

>dress to be happy. We all have impulses for certain things.

>The idea is to develop flexible thinking (I like that dress for that doll but

I could be happy with this alternative too). If I could

>afford the dress though I would get it for Christmas rather than

>other gifts if she still likes it so much.

>

>I would stay away from ideas where she is making dresses if she

>has any perfectionizing traits. That can lead to more problems.

>Keep the ideas very simple.

>

>Kids do want what other kids have, webkins, certain dolls,

>certain clothes etc.

>

>

>

>Pam

>

>

>

>

>

>>

>> My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can

>> understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a

>> decision.

>>

>> Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog

>> for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl

>> dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she

>> herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and

>> the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

>>

>> The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the

>> value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the

>> dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to

>> each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very

>> focused on saving for the doll.

>>

>> The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas,

>> which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are

>> Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day.

>> Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll

>> just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons

>> of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though

>> She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

>>

>> The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same

>> doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we

>> re in for major drama and meltdowns.

>>

>> We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we

>> know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before

>> Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate,

>> it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

>>

>> Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress,

>> have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be

>> work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

>>

>> Thanks!

>> Cheryl S.

>>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Perhaps change dollars to points - which equate to so much towards

the doll goal.  My DD was desperate for a particular DS game she had

to earn - so I decided how long she should have to earn it over, got

the cover image off the internet and printed it off then cut it up

into the number of pieces I wanted her to have to earn.  She then

completed the jigsaw puzzle of pieces in order to have the game. 

This kept her focussed on the goal, helped her to visually see her

progress and meant that the actual value was somewhat obscured by

the conversion process.

This means - if you decide she should have it for Xmas - she still

has to earn it but the dollar emphasis is lessened, we have found

our AS DD was becoming quite mercenary when we tried to impress on

her the value of money, toys etc so although we are teaching her to

value money, people and memories count more.  We also found going

halves on a goal is of far more impact since they feel like everyone

is working to the same end.

If this is her first big saving project then you surely want to

ensure she has the reward of success and 8 is pretty young to fully

appreciate the value of $100+  One other idea is to maybe approach

friends and famly and explain her wish and see if they would give

either money or vouchers towards to total goal so she gets there

faster???

Just a couple of thoughts in the pot!!

a

On 28/11/2010 02:47, pgrosner@... wrote:

 

Well ill throw my .02 in here. If it were my son, I'd be

thrilled if he was sticking with something and following

through to try and earn what he wanted. I wouldn't call it

caving in, but I'd make sure my son got the toy,

considering his effort. Maybe go dollar for dollar

depending on how much she has, some way to show its not

just you giving in to what she wants, but making it clear

you're rewarding her for her working and saving. Maybe

that would encourage her to keep doing it for things she

wants in the future?

Just mho

Pam

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

From: "Cheryl " <grvychic@...>

Sender:

Date: Sat, 27 Nov 2010 12:56:50 -0500 (Eastern

Standard Time)

< >

Reply

Subject: ( ) Christmas gift

problem

 

My husband and I have hit a situation that

only parents of Aspie's can understand and

give advice on.  If DD was NT, we'd have no

trouble making a decision.

 

Here's the story:  Our almost 8-year-old DD

recently came across a catalog for Maplea

Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the

American Girl dolls.  She saw a dress for one

of the dolls that is similar to one she

herself has and made up her mind that she

absolutely must have the doll and the dress. 

The doll and her basic kit is $100.  The dress

is another $24. 

 

The good part is that Kylie, who often

doesn't have much concept of the value of

money, decided she was going to save up to buy

the doll and the dress herself.  We determined

a maximum amount that she could earn up to

each week by doing chores and working on

behavior issues.  She's been very focused on

saving for the doll.

 

The downside: There is no way she'll have

enough money saved for Christmas, which is

when she wants the doll because her dress and

the doll's dress are Christmas dresses and she

wants both of them to wear them Christmas

Day.  Under normal circumstances we'd explain

it's not going to happen and she'll just have

to keep saving up.  Actually, we did do this

and there were tons of tears and

disappointment.  She has not stopped working

to save up, though.  She keeps thinking there

will be some sort of miracle.

 

The clincher in all this is that her best

friend is getting the exact same doll for

Christmas.  If Dana gets the doll and Kylie

doesn't, we're sure we're in for major drama

and meltdowns.

 

We feel stuck.  We're proud of her for

wanting to work for something, but we know

this is going to get really ugly if she

doesn't get the doll before Christmas.  She

just doesn't understand that at her current

allowance rate, it would take a minimum of 8

months to earn enough for everything she

wants.

 

Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift

and have her pay for the dress, have her pay

us back for everything (realizing once she has

it, she won't be work so hard), or just not do

anything and ride out the storm?

 

Thanks!

Cheryl S.

[Guest guest]

You could either get the doll and dress for her from Santa, or from you. Or if you really want her to learn the value of money you could lend her the balance like getting a loan from the bank but your the bank. If you would go this route you could lay down ground rules, the amount she would have to pay you back, the length of the loan and make up some kind of contract for her to sign. Just an idea.-From: <kristenwallen@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Christmas gift problem Date: Saturday, November 27, 2010, 10:23 PM

Hi there,

Personally I would have Santa bring the doll. Good for her working so hard to save for something. Maybe she can use her earnings to but accessaries for her new doll? Children are young for such a short period of their lives. I'm so happy that my daughter still plays with dolls and I dread the day she thinks she's too old to pretend.

Christmas is such a magical time of the year that I think if you got her the doll it wouldn't be "giving in" It's not like she's in line at Toys R US throwing a fit or anything, she's obviously serious about her want for this particular doll.

Hugs,

>

> My husband and I have hit a situation that only parents of Aspie's can

> understand and give advice on. If DD was NT, we'd have no trouble making a

> decision.

>

> Here's the story: Our almost 8-year-old DD recently came across a catalog

> for Maplea Girls, which is the Canadian equivalent of the American Girl

> dolls. She saw a dress for one of the dolls that is similar to one she

> herself has and made up her mind that she absolutely must have the doll and

> the dress. The doll and her basic kit is $100. The dress is another $24.

>

> The good part is that Kylie, who often doesn't have much concept of the

> value of money, decided she was going to save up to buy the doll and the

> dress herself. We determined a maximum amount that she could earn up to

> each week by doing chores and working on behavior issues. She's been very

> focused on saving for the doll.

>

> The downside: There is no way she'll have enough money saved for Christmas,

> which is when she wants the doll because her dress and the doll's dress are

> Christmas dresses and she wants both of them to wear them Christmas Day.

> Under normal circumstances we'd explain it's not going to happen and she'll

> just have to keep saving up. Actually, we did do this and there were tons

> of tears and disappointment. She has not stopped working to save up, though

> She keeps thinking there will be some sort of miracle.

>

> The clincher in all this is that her best friend is getting the exact same

> doll for Christmas. If Dana gets the doll and Kylie doesn't, we're sure we

> re in for major drama and meltdowns.

>

> We feel stuck. We're proud of her for wanting to work for something, but we

> know this is going to get really ugly if she doesn't get the doll before

> Christmas. She just doesn't understand that at her current allowance rate,

> it would take a minimum of 8 months to earn enough for everything she wants.

>

> Would you cave and buy the doll as a gift and have her pay for the dress,

> have her pay us back for everything (realizing once she has it, she won't be

> work so hard), or just not do anything and ride out the storm?

>

> Thanks!

> Cheryl S.

>