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Despair, unfortunately

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I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it

possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is

23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to

dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I

am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I

need to get out.

Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always

have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all

his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures

to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer

at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives

as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical

disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he

seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self

management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a

laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect.

And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying.

Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with

Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer'

parents, especially those in the UK.

carol

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