Re: only child disorder

[Guest guest]

That is frustrating as hell. It is ridiculous to imply that just because a child

does not have siblings that they are spoiled or that is the reason they have

challenges with social interaction. We got some of that same attitude regarding

my 3 year old. They implied that if he has difficulties with peers it is surely

because he is an only child. Never mind that before starting school we went to 4

or 5 playdates every week.

The other side of that - which is something that is really upsetting me right

now - is the implication that as the mother of an only child, I am surely too

focused on my son and probably imagining problems where none exist. I am

starting to get this vibe from one of my son's teachers that I am too concerned

about what goes on in school and trying to prepare him for it - basically, " step

back and let us do our job " . I was sorely tempted to do just that and let them

deal with the consequences, but my husband pointed out that if our son has a bad

day at school we will end up dealing with it too when he gets home.

It feels like we are being told that on the one hand, your child has problems

because you didn't give him a sibling to socialize with, and on the other hand,

we are blowing problems out of proportion by being a crazy helicopter mom. Do

too little and you are the source of the problem, and do too much, and the

problem is in your head!

Thanks for letting me vent,

Bridget

>

> has any one had an issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier

being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and

hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old

are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the

tests all say he is but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he

is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i

thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the

principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have

alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i

cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled

only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats

where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his

educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2 the yr in kindergarden i

thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child

psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to

the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so

b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the schools

pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w

>

[Guest guest]

Oh count me in on this one!!!!!!!

I never wanted an only child and have had it used as the reason for

dd's problems all her life - couple that with the fact we have home

schooled from birth and go to church and in the UK you have every

reason under the sun for a maladjusted child except AS. I too

wanted a raft of kids but it was not to be.

We almost lost dd at 7 months due to the hackneyed stereotyped

views. She had a cyst that eventually grew so big it crushed her

lungs and displaced her internal organs. When it was removed she

lost an 1/8th of her body weight and at 7 months they drained a wine

bottle full of fluid out of it. I was attending "first time mum"

sessions from 6 weeks of age when they were telling me "mother's

instinct is always right, always go with your gut" and I was booking

an appointment straight afterwards with the doctor and being told I

was a "paranoid first time mum" and this continued for the next 6

months. Guess which view proved to be the correct one, but only

after a 6 hour emergency operation and a stint in intensive

care!!!!!

It has taken 4-5 years of fighting to get the medical profession to

accept there is AS going on and I am waiting for the final

confirmation in writing any day - have already had it verbally from

the paediatrician. My family - now it is "official" are finally

having to accept that there is something serious going on and it is

not just my "whacky parenting". This has been one long ride (dd is

9 and I knew at 18 months something was different and started

reading about AS) and with diagnosis it feels as though we are

nearing the end of one fight and the start of another journey!!

For all you "only child parents" out there, keep fighting and keep

going with your gut - massive odds are in your favour that you are

right and you will be proved right in the end. I even had to fight

for my dd to have glasses when she was 2 as they were adamant I

couldn't possibly know she needed them - until they tested her and

found astigmatism - and that was a no brainer since I am massively

short sighted and all four grandparents have eye issues so it seemed

pretty likely dd had a decent chance of needing glasses if she's

squinting!!

I'm going to go put the kettle on and calm down now!!!

a

On 26/10/2010 23:58, bridget wrote:

That is frustrating as hell. It is ridiculous to imply

that just because a child does not have siblings that they

are spoiled or that is the reason they have challenges

with social interaction. We got some of that same attitude

regarding my 3 year old. They implied that if he has

difficulties with peers it is surely because he is an only

child. Never mind that before starting school we went to 4

or 5 playdates every week.

The other side of that - which is something that is really

upsetting me right now - is the implication that as the

mother of an only child, I am surely too focused on my son

and probably imagining problems where none exist. I am

starting to get this vibe from one of my son's teachers

that I am too concerned about what goes on in school and

trying to prepare him for it - basically, "step back and

let us do our job". I was sorely tempted to do just that

and let them deal with the consequences, but my husband

pointed out that if our son has a bad day at school we

will end up dealing with it too when he gets home.

It feels like we are being told that on the one hand, your

child has problems because you didn't give him a sibling

to socialize with, and on the other hand, we are blowing

problems out of proportion by being a crazy helicopter

mom. Do too little and you are the source of the problem,

and do too much, and the problem is in your head!

Thanks for letting me vent,

Bridget

>

> has any one had an issue with the school or the dr

saying things about thier being an only child i desparatly

want more and cant and i find it offensve and hurtful

personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at

almost 7 yrs old are due to him being an only child we had

aour ard yesterday and they said the tests all say he is

but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he

is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him

which is more than i thought they would do but the 1st

prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the principal said

about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not

to have alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am

blessed with my ONE son and i cant believe its a strike

agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled only

child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad

parents and thats where all the problems he has socially

and behaviorly come from and his educational issues were

b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2 the yr in kindergarden i

thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want

to scream the child psychologt that did his testing says

what they saw evaling him dosent line up to the hrs of

tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday

behavior so b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i

hate this guy is in the schools pocket just angery and

venting sorry thanks w

>

[Guest guest]

ME TOO! We have four kids now, but Madeline is our oldest and there is a five yr gap in between her and Cayla. I can't count how many doctors told me nothing was wrong...I told them she was a little different and every single time I got waived off. Even a psychologist said she had autistic symptoms, but not autism....how can someone who's in that field NOT see it? Or not even say, you should see a specialist to rule it one way or the other. Mom's do know what's best and Dad's for that matter...they are our children..@@ I better quit, before I get really mad. LOL

Mom to my 4 girls

Madeline, Cayla, Arabella, & Vincenza

"You are the TRIP I did not take

You are the PEARLS I cannot buy

You are the blue Italian LAKE

YOU are my piece of foreign SKY"

---Anne ----

Re: ( ) Re: only child disorder

Oh count me in on this one!!!!!!!

I never wanted an only child and have had it used as the reason for

dd's problems all her life - couple that with the fact we have home

schooled from birth and go to church and in the UK you have every

reason under the sun for a maladjusted child except AS. I too

wanted a raft of kids but it was not to be.

We almost lost dd at 7 months due to the hackneyed stereotyped

views. She had a cyst that eventually grew so big it crushed her

lungs and displaced her internal organs. When it was removed she

lost an 1/8th of her body weight and at 7 months they drained a wine

bottle full of fluid out of it. I was attending "first time mum"

sessions from 6 weeks of age when they were telling me "mother's

instinct is always right, always go with your gut" and I was booking

an appointment straight afterwards with the doctor and being told I

was a "paranoid first time mum" and this continued for the next 6

months. Guess which view proved to be the correct one, but only

after a 6 hour emergency operation and a stint in intensive

care!!!!!

It has taken 4-5 years of fighting to get the medical profession to

accept there is AS going on and I am waiting for the final

confirmation in writing any day - have already had it verbally from

the paediatrician. My family - now it is "official" are finally

having to accept that there is something serious going on and it is

not just my "whacky parenting". This has been one long ride (dd is

9 and I knew at 18 months something was different and started

reading about AS) and with diagnosis it feels as though we are

nearing the end of one fight and the start of another journey!!

For all you "only child parents" out there, keep fighting and keep

going with your gut - massive odds are in your favour that you are

right and you will be proved right in the end. I even had to fight

for my dd to have glasses when she was 2 as they were adamant I

couldn't possibly know she needed them - until they tested her and

found astigmatism - and that was a no brainer since I am massively

short sighted and all four grandparents have eye issues so it seemed

pretty likely dd had a decent chance of needing glasses if she's

squinting!!

I'm going to go put the kettle on and calm down now!!!

a

On 26/10/2010 23:58, bridget wrote:

That is frustrating as hell. It is ridiculous to imply

that just because a child does not have siblings that they

are spoiled or that is the reason they have challenges

with social interaction. We got some of that same attitude

regarding my 3 year old. They implied that if he has

difficulties with peers it is surely because he is an only

child. Never mind that before starting school we went to 4

or 5 playdates every week.

The other side of that - which is something that is really

upsetting me right now - is the implication that as the

mother of an only child, I am surely too focused on my son

and probably imagining problems where none exist. I am

starting to get this vibe from one of my son's teachers

that I am too concerned about what goes on in school and

trying to prepare him for it - basically, "step back and

let us do our job". I was sorely tempted to do just that

and let them deal with the consequences, but my husband

pointed out that if our son has a bad day at school we

will end up dealing with it too when he gets home.

It feels like we are being told that on the one hand, your

child has problems because you didn't give him a sibling

to socialize with, and on the other hand, we are blowing

problems out of proportion by being a crazy helicopter

mom. Do too little and you are the source of the problem,

and do too much, and the problem is in your head!

Thanks for letting me vent,

Bridget

>

> has any one had an issue with the school or the dr

saying things about thier being an only child i desparatly

want more and cant and i find it offensve and hurtful

personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at

almost 7 yrs old are due to him being an only child we had

aour ard yesterday and they said the tests all say he is

but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he

is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him

which is more than i thought they would do but the 1st

prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the principal said

about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not

to have alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am

blessed with my ONE son and i cant believe its a strike

agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled only

child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad

parents and thats where all the problems he has socially

and behaviorly come from and his educational issues were

b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2 the yr in kindergarden i

thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want

to scream the child psychologt that did his testing says

what they saw evaling him dosent line up to the hrs of

tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday

behavior so b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i

hate this guy is in the schools pocket just angery and

venting sorry thanks w

>

[Guest guest]

I would love a poll on that question myself!

"how can someone who's in that field NOT see it? "

it is a tradgedy that anyone should have to work so hard to get help for their kids as we all do.

That is frustrating as hell. It is ridiculous to imply that just because a child does not have siblings that they are spoiled or that is the reason they have challenges with social interaction. We got some of that same attitude regarding my 3 year old. They implied that if he has difficulties with peers it is surely because he is an only child. Never mind that before starting school we went to 4 or 5 playdates every week. The other side of that - which is something that is really upsetting me right now - is the implication that as the mother of an only child, I am surely too focused on my son and probably imagining problems where none exist. I am starting to get this vibe from one of my son's teachers that I am too concerned about what goes on in school and trying to prepare him for it - basically, "step back and let us do our job". I was sorely tempted to do just that and let them deal with the consequences, but my husband pointed out that

if our son has a bad day at school we will end up dealing with it too when he gets home. It feels like we are being told that on the one hand, your child has problems because you didn't give him a sibling to socialize with, and on the other hand, we are blowing problems out of proportion by being a crazy helicopter mom. Do too little and you are the source of the problem, and do too much, and the problem is in your head! Thanks for letting me vent,Bridget>> has any one had an

issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the tests all say he is but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2

the yr in kindergarden i thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the schools pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w>

[Guest guest]

You may enjoy reading this article from Time Magazine about the advantages of

being an only child:

http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,2002382,00.html

>

> has any one had an issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier

being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and

hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old

are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the

tests all say he is but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he

is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i

thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the

principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have

alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i

cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled

only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats

where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his

educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2 the yr in kindergarden i

thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child

psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to

the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so

b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the schools

pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w

>

[Guest guest]

I hate that school staff will grasp at anything they can find to explain a

problem that they don't want to deal with. It makes me so angry. With it

was, " He's upset because you moved " , " You don't make him do anything. " or " You

give in too much. " or " There isn't any structure in your home. " We had a

district staff person come into our home to evaluate us and she told us, " Your

home is very structured and you're doing a great job. " So the jerks at the

school had to back off on that one. They tried to tell me he was emotionally

disturbed. Oh yeah, right. That fits in really well with what the doctor said

at " 's Hopkins " just a few months before, " He has asperger syndrome but he's

well adjusted. " Yes, I will take the advice of a semi-educated, self-important

fool over a developmental pediatrician from s Hopkins, sure, whatever. NOT!

Miriam

> >

> > has any one had an issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier

being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and

hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old

are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the

tests all say he is but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he

is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i

thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the

principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have

alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i

cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled

only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats

where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his

educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2 the yr in kindergarden i

thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child

psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to

the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so

b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the schools

pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w

> >

>

[Guest guest]

"I hate that school staff will grasp at anything they can find to explain a problem that they don't want to deal with."I can't agree more! Apparently (according to the 20 something "professionals" with no children of their own) my son is this way because I spoil him, let him get away with everything, he's too attached to me (we are very close, but I think thats because we are going through this together, and few people understand him like I do!) and so on. And we're actually paying these people for their opinions. D is not an only child, but that's just ridiculous to say that about only children. Blame the parents...its so easy. Ugh. Pam Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®From: "mimasdprofile" <callis4773@...>Sender: Date: Thu, 28 Oct 2010 13:52:46 +0000< >Reply Subject: ( ) Re: only child disorder I hate that school staff will grasp at anything they can find to explain a problem that they don't want to deal with. It makes me so angry. With it was, " He's upset because you moved " , " You don't make him do anything. " or " You give in too much. " or " There isn't any structure in your home. " We had a district staff person come into our home to evaluate us and she told us, " Your home is very structured and you're doing a great job. " So the jerks at the school had to back off on that one. They tried to tell me he was emotionally disturbed. Oh yeah, right. That fits in really well with what the doctor said at " 's Hopkins " just a few months before, " He has asperger syndrome but he's well adjusted. " Yes, I will take the advice of a semi-educated, self-important fool over a developmental pediatrician from s Hopkins, sure, whatever. NOT!Miriam> >> > has any one had an issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the tests all say he is but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2the yr in kindergarden i thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the schools pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w> >>

[Guest guest]

I get it although I don't have an only child. My youngest is 18 months old and

severely speech delayed, he doesn't even babble much and shows repetitive

behaviors and has sensory problems. But I keep getting, " oh well he has two

older siblings who speak for him " . I also get the whole well you are just a too

worried parent because your older two have issues. Any implication that it is

something you are doing is insulting and aggravating and I totally get it.

>

> has any one had an issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier

being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and

hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old

are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the

tests all say he is but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he

is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i

thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the

principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have

alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i

cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled

only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats

where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his

educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2 the yr in kindergarden i

thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child

psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to

the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so

b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the schools

pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w

>

[Guest guest]

Miriam...

You gave me a good chuckle on that one...

"In the Midst of Difficulty lies Opportunity" Albert Einstein

Success is not measured by one's position but by the obstacles one has overcome to obtain that position

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...> Sent: Thu, October 28, 2010 9:52:46 AMSubject: ( ) Re: only child disorder

I hate that school staff will grasp at anything they can find to explain a problem that they don't want to deal with. It makes me so angry. With it was, "He's upset because you moved", "You don't make him do anything." or "You give in too much." or "There isn't any structure in your home." We had a district staff person come into our home to evaluate us and she told us, "Your home is very structured and you're doing a great job." So the jerks at the school had to back off on that one. They tried to tell me he was emotionally disturbed. Oh yeah, right. That fits in really well with what the doctor said at "'s Hopkins" just a few months before, "He has asperger syndrome but he's well adjusted." Yes, I will take the advice of a semi-educated, self-important fool over a developmental pediatrician from s Hopkins, sure, whatever. NOT!Miriam> >> > has any one had an issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the tests all say he is but b/c he has no

sensory issues they think hes not nad he is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2 the yr in kindergarden i thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the

schools pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w> >>

[Guest guest]

What helped changed the tone with the school district was to bring an advocate

and then later on bring a lawyer to the 504 and IEP meetings. All of a sudden

the meetings started on time, everyone invited to the meeting actually showed

up, and staff kept their personal opinions to themselves. All my advocate had to

do was to gently remind them of the law and so we were able to get past the

gatekeepers and get my son the help he desparately needed.

[Guest guest]

Looking back I wish I would not have put any substance

in what teachers pr principals have said to us.

We have an only child too. The principal told us we were

bad parents when our daughter was in kindergarten. We had

been seeing a therapist and she said otherwise. That helped

alittle but it hurt bad in the early years of school.

My daughter at age 9 was dual diagnosised with Syndrome and

AS syndrome. We finally had validation.

I blamed myself for so much up until she was about 11. Now

the therapist and psychiatrist tell me our daughter is lucky to

have such a caring Mom. It helps a a little. But I still have

sadness that she has to cope with things.

I try to focus on how much I love my daughter. It ry to enjoy

when she is calm and happy.

There is so much to focus on, to think about after high school

and setting up a special needs trust. I try to help other

Mom's too get help at school. Now that my daughter is

in a special needs school I go with other Mom's that

feel alone and help them get services.

Helping other Mom's has been the most validating for me.

I know there pain and I see what I went through.

Hang in there. Keep looking for a therapist that can help

you at the school.

Pam

>

> has any one had an issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier

being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and

hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old

are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the

tests all say he is but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he

is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i

thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the

principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have

alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i

cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled

only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats

where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his

educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2 the yr in kindergarden i

thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child

psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to

the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so

b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the schools

pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w

>

[Guest guest]

,

Just wondering when you brought a lawyer did the school have one present too?

Also, what it terribly expensive? We're seriously considering into one. Running

out of energy to fight the fight alone. In 9yrs that my son has been in school,

there has only been one year we didn't have to fight.

ne

>

> What helped changed the tone with the school district was to bring an advocate

and then later on bring a lawyer to the 504 and IEP meetings. All of a sudden

the meetings started on time, everyone invited to the meeting actually showed

up, and staff kept their personal opinions to themselves. All my advocate had to

do was to gently remind them of the law and so we were able to get past the

gatekeepers and get my son the help he desparately needed.

>

[Guest guest]

When I came to the meeting with the advocate, the usual suspects were there at

the IEP meetings, but when I came with a lawyer, the school district brought in

a lawyer, too, plus there were a lot of new faces at the IEP meeting. The school

district was in Northern California and the lawyer they used was based in

Southern California and so she had to fly in for each IEP meeting. Both lawyers

taped the meetings. My lawyer spoke for me at the meetings and she insisted that

I have a few days to review the recommendations while the school district lawyer

would always insist that I sign everything before I left.

I think the cost was well worth it since my son finally got the help that he was

legally entitled to. Plus we actually did not have to go to court. I had a huge

paper trail and the lawyers on both sides could see where the school district

had year after year not been in compliance. The school district did not want to

take on a court case that they would lose.

The law firm I used helped me keep costs down by asking me to make some calls or

send some emails myself or to make photocopies so they wouldn't have to bill me

at their hourly rate. The end result was that the school district picked up the

tab for a private school for AS kids. Even so, the cost to the district was

cheaper than it would have been for them to provide the same services since they

did not have any services in place for AS at that time.

If you need an attorney and you have a private school for kids with any kind of

disability in your area, try calling that school and ask them if they know of an

attorney that can help. You definitely want an attorney that specializes in

handling this type of case and one who has been successful in working with the

local school district in the past.

[Guest guest]

Thanks , I will check into what you suggested. I just don't think there is anything in this county. We are military and don't have the option to pack up and move. This has been such a drain on all of us. It is really a shame that parents have to fight like this. I know it sounds like I'm whinning and in a way I am. I just am at such a low point that some days I don't even want to get out of bed to deal with another e-mail or issue. But I do it for my son's sake. I know my husband is getting tired of talking about it too. I can't seem to talk about much else. It is consuming my life. I'm just glad and lucky I have a job that takes my mind off of it and a boss who is very understanding and supportive. I'm also glad for this support group. It does help a lot to talk to others going through the same things. ne

From: <tamaoki_s@...>Subject: ( ) Re: only child disorder Date: Monday, November 1, 2010, 1:26 PM

When I came to the meeting with the advocate, the usual suspects were there at the IEP meetings, but when I came with a lawyer, the school district brought in a lawyer, too, plus there were a lot of new faces at the IEP meeting. The school district was in Northern California and the lawyer they used was based in Southern California and so she had to fly in for each IEP meeting. Both lawyers taped the meetings. My lawyer spoke for me at the meetings and she insisted that I have a few days to review the recommendations while the school district lawyer would always insist that I sign everything before I left. I think the cost was well worth it since my son finally got the help that he was legally entitled to. Plus we actually did not have to go to court. I had a huge paper trail and the lawyers on both sides could see where the school district had year after year not been in compliance. The school district did not want to take on a court

case that they would lose. The law firm I used helped me keep costs down by asking me to make some calls or send some emails myself or to make photocopies so they wouldn't have to bill me at their hourly rate. The end result was that the school district picked up the tab for a private school for AS kids. Even so, the cost to the district was cheaper than it would have been for them to provide the same services since they did not have any services in place for AS at that time. If you need an attorney and you have a private school for kids with any kind of disability in your area, try calling that school and ask them if they know of an attorney that can help. You definitely want an attorney that specializes in handling this type of case and one who has been successful in working with the local school district in the past.

[Guest guest]

Check out the 's Law websites. They have a wealth of information for

parents with special needs children. The law states that the schools have to

provide services for our kids and if the local schools don't have anything in

place now, then they need to create a program. Of course, that's easier said

than done. My local school district doesn't have enough money as it is and so

they have a history of not doing anything until they are pushed to the limit.

Getting an advocate and later an attorney helped me get past the gatekeepers who

do what they can to discourage more spending.

[Guest guest]

Oh wow, I used to hear that about my boys too. They all had speech delays and did not talk when they should have been talking. I often heard that I talked for my oldest ds by everyone! I eventually realized that they had the cause/effect backwards. I talked for him so much because he couldn't talk.

Roxanna

"I

predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them." - Jefferson

( ) Re: only child disorder

I get it although I don't have an only child. My youngest is 18 months old and severely speech delayed, he doesn't even babble much and shows repetitive behaviors and has sensory problems. But I keep getting, "oh well he has two older siblings who speak for him". I also get the whole well you are just a too worried parent because your older two have issues. Any implication that it is something you are doing is insulting and aggravating and I totally get it.

>

> has any one had an issue with the school or the dr saying things about thier being an only child i desparatly want more and cant and i find it offensve and hurtful personally andi dont hink that the problems he has at almost 7 yrs old are due to him being an only child we had aour ard yesterday and they said the tests all say he is but b/c he has no sensory issues they think hes not nad he is adhd like they thought last yr and they will 504 him which is more than i thought they would do but the 1st prob he had in pre k the 1st thing the principal said about him was hes an only child like its a bad thing not to have alot of kids though i want like 5 i cant so i am blessed with my ONE son and i cant believe its a strike agianst him like that they basicly said hes a spoiled only child who always gets what he wants and so we are bad parents and thats where all the problems he has socially and behaviorly come from and his educational issues were b/c i homeshcooled him for 1/2

the yr in kindergarden i thought i was going to loose control i cant take it i want to scream the child psychologt that did his testing says what they saw evaling him dosent line up to the hrs of tests me and my dh and his teacher did on his everyday behavior so b/c they saw him like 5 times they know and i hate this guy is in the schools pocket just angery and venting sorry thanks w

>