Re: Despair, unfortunately

[Guest guest]

My son is only 12, but I feel as though you do. He sits in one room, doesnt smile, has no friends but wants them, and has a father that puts him down on a regular basis when he goes to visit him. It's a sad disorder and people dont realize this. I have cried until tears stopped coming out. I have heard the "have you tried this......" scenerio all too many times to where I wanna say, "Hey, how about you try and handle the situation yourself." But, I would NEVER give up my son, ever. He will be living with me forever and I know this. He actually wants this, for now.

Just recently I developed The Asperger Child. You can find it on facebook and I have a lot of resources at my home for those that don't know where to look and are tired of the continuous.... comments from others. It's up to you. My email is amandabaer76@... if you'd like that as well. I am always available as I am disabled myself nd am always available, for anyone who needs help with Asperger's.

From: wn_crl <carol.owen@...> Sent: Fri, April 30, 2010 7:06:13 AMSubject: ( ) Despair, unfortunately

I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is 23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I need to get out. Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives as saddo 'windowlickers! ' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical disability

which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect. And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying. Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer' parents, especially those in the UK.carol

[Guest guest]

Carol, I am so sorry for your struggle. Your son is a real challenge and not

motivated to do anything to help himself. This is like

so many kids with drug or alchohal addictions. Parents struggle

with kids that are being self destructive in front of the parents

eyes. Your son is severely depressed. He needs to get treated for this as the

first step to any progress. If he won't get treatment

you are in the same situation as parents with kids with drug addictions. You are

probably familar with the type of stratgies

used right? Stop helping to house and feed them unless they get help.

This is easier said then done.

Pam

>

> I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it

possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is

23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to

dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I

am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I

need to get out.

> Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always

have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all

his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures

to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

> If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer

at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives

as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical

disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he

seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self

management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a

laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect.

And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying.

Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with

Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer'

parents, especially those in the UK.

> carol

>

[Guest guest]

Carol, I am caring for a 25 year old and it feels like I am the ONLY one to have

an adult child in this situation, too. Your situation sounds very difficult and

am sure you are exhausted. I thought Pam's advice sounds good, if you think that

might help, it truly sounds like you could use some outside support and

intervention. HOwever, I understand all too well how hard that is to find.

Keep in touch,

Sue in TN

> >

> > I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it

possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is

23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to

dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I

am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I

need to get out.

> > Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always

have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all

his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures

to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

> > If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the

computer at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he

perceives as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious,

physical disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The

truth is he seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the

selfhood, self management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with

others, have a laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self

critical intellect. And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for

want of trying. Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young

people with Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to

other 'carer' parents, especially those in the UK.

> > carol

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Carol I wish we could give you more support. It is depressing to watch our kids

suffer. Unlike a person on drugs our kids have

issues that go deeper than an addiction. All I can add again is that

trying to get his mood better under control has to be a priority. And

for you too. We are all dealing with kids with chronic conditions

it takes a toll especially if you are doing it alone. So you too

need to help yourself with your depression too. How can we not

feel depressed if our kids are suffering?

I hope that someone from the UK can help you find services.

Pam

>

> I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it

possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is

23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to

dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I

am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I

need to get out.

> Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always

have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all

his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures

to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

> If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer

at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives

as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical

disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he

seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self

management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a

laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect.

And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying.

Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with

Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer'

parents, especially those in the UK.

> carol

>

[Guest guest]

Carol, I'm so very sorry your are feeling such horrible despair. I can never understand completely what you are going through. My daughter is 8 and as much as I try to "enjoy" my aspie child it does come with lots of burdens and hardship. I to have those days where I want to throw up my hands and give up because there feels like theres nothing else I can do. The helpless feeling is more than I can bare sometimes. My daughter goes through the "I want to just die phases" or "Why dont you just get rid of me" or even "I"m calling the police because your mean to me" (scares the crap out of me!!) Which is gut wrenching and painful to hear. I get tired of hearing "why cure aspergers, its great!" Well its not always great and for the most part its not fun at all. We want our children to be happy productive parts of society that love to explore and just enjoy life. Its not always that simple with our kids. Anyway, again I can't imagine what you are going through, but know I am thinking of you, praying for you and your son. That you can find some support where you are and that he can conquer these dreadful feelings he has. Sending love your way!! Keep talking to us, it has to help a little!! Know you are not alone!!thoughts and prayers B. On Apr 30, 2010, at 4:06 AM, wn_crl wrote:

I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is 23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I need to get out.

Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect. And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying. Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer' parents, especially those in the UK.

carol

“Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently -- they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve Jobs

[Guest guest]

Hi Carol, I feel so bad for you.....I agree with Pam, if you son is severely depressed he needs intervention before something bad might happen.I was advise to call the crisis center and get my daugther hospitalized when she got into very serious depression. I live in the USA, maybe things are different in UK.In USA there are resources to help them even if it is against their own will. I know a mother who got advised from a lawyer, she went to court told the judge that her daugther depression was causing dangerous physical damage to her daugther the judge issued an order to put that girl in the hospital to be treated against her own will and gave the mother guardianship of her...The girl is still in and out of hospital but she is still alive...Depression is dangerous, I hope you can get him help.... ( ) Re: Despair, unfortunatelyCarol, I am so sorry for your struggle. Your son is a real challenge and not motivated to do anything to help himself. This is likeso many kids with drug or alchohal addictions. Parents struggle with kids that are being self destructive in front of the parentseyes. Your son is severely depressed. He needs to get treated for this as the first step to any progress. If he won't get treatment you are in the same situation as parents with kids with drug addictions. You are probably familar with the type of stratgiesused right? Stop helping to house and feed them unless they get help. This is easier said then done. Pam >> I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is 23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I need to get out. > Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.> If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect. And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying. Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer' parents, especially those in the UK.> carol>

[Guest guest]

Carol - I am so sorry to hear of your situation. I am not in the UK, but sure

hope you find someone who is. My son is still young but the description you gave

is dangerously close to the way he feels more and more often now that he is

hitting the teen years. I have the same fears that you do...and wish I could say

something that would help. I certainly understand your exhaustion. We can only

do so much...at a certain point they have to want to help themselves. You cannot

force someone to be happy, much as we may want to and much as we may love them.

Hang in there...and keep writing.

>

> I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it

possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is

23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to

dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I

am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I

need to get out.

> Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always

have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all

his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures

to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

> If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer

at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives

as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical

disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he

seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self

management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a

laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect.

And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying.

Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with

Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer'

parents, especially those in the UK.

> carol

>

[Guest guest]

Carol,((HUGS))On Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 6:06 AM, wn_crl <carol.owen@...> wrote:

 

I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is 23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I need to get out.

Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect. And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying. Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer' parents, especially those in the UK.

carol

-- McAllisterSpecial Moms, Special Healing~Empowering Moms of Special Needs Children to Heal ThemselvesFacebook:  www.facebook.com/specialmomsheal

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/specialmomshealBlog:  http://healingfrominsideout.blogspot.comReiki II practitioner, #1 alternative treatment recommended by Dr. Oz

Herbal consultations

[Guest guest]

OK, I did mean to say more than ((HUGS)).  Accidentally sent it.  Anyway Carol, it's time for you to put a little distance between you and your son.  Take some time for yourself.  Recognize that the only person you can control is YOU and that includes your reactions to him and his life.  I think you need to set some boundaries with him.  

Turn your language around and start using positive self-talk or affirmations.  Affirmations are positive statements about what you want in your life.  They are your thoughts and statements.  You always say them in present tense, never in future tense.  For instance, you state that you are isolated.  Turn it around and say, " I have unlimited support and loving relationships in my life. "  Say it over and over and over again all day long.  I know it sounds silly but believe in it, just keep saying it. Try it for a week. Anytime, you start doubting, just release that doubt and repeat your affirmation.  Your thoughts create your reality.  

Forgive yourself and forgive him.  Forgiving doesn't mean you excuse or accept his behavior but it allows you to release the anger and resentment you have built up.  And forgive yourself, your guilt is very evident in your post.  But know that you have done everything you can.  Release that guilt.  It's eating you up inside.  

You are headed towards depression (I know, I've been there) and if you don't do something to take care of YOU, your odds of having full-blown depression are good.  You may already be there.  Take a step back from your son.  I know you say, " Easier said than done " but it is imperative that you do something for you so you don't lose even more of yourself.  

This is the exact reason I am building a community of mothers of special-needs children and I am trying to help them to recognize that in order to provide the best care of their children (or set the necessary boundaries), you have to love yourself first and foremost.  When you start doing that, you will achieve a much clearer path for what needs to happen in your response to your son.

Eat a healthy diet.  Processed foods, sugar, chemicals, etc. negatively affect our moods and emotions.  Organic whole foods enable your body to function at a level that will provide maximum energy.   

Lastly, find a good counselor.  A really good one can make a big difference, but always be your own advocate.  No one else will be.  ((HUGS)) again, because I've been there where I was crying every day and I know what a deep dark place that can be.  I'm not in the UK but please know that someone in Texas loves you.  

McAllisterSpecial Moms, Special Healing~Empowering Moms of Special Needs Children to Heal ThemselvesFacebook:  www.facebook.com/specialmomsheal

Twitter:  www.twitter.com/specialmomshealBlog:  http://healingfrominsideout.blogspot.comReiki II practitioner, #1 alternative treatment recommended by Dr. Oz

Herbal consultations On Fri, Apr 30, 2010 at 6:06 AM, wn_crl <carol.owen@...> wrote:

 

I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is 23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I need to get out.

Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect. And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying. Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer' parents, especially those in the UK.

carol

--

[Guest guest]

Yep my 10 year old too and the attitude and tantrums, rages,

outbursts, meltdowns, whatever you call them there is no nice way to

put it and it all means the same thing.

My daughter is medicated to tolerable. However I so often feel inside

that maybe she could do better if we could reconnect, I feel when the

straterra she was on stopped working and then we went through

spiralling fast, then mood stabilizer and adjustments then we only

became tolerable and then coming of the straterra was a nightmare then

we've been trying intuniv for the last 6 wks so it has been over a

year of different phases that only come in at tolerable at best. Over

that time we also got the autism dx, started fighting with the school

and at best can only apply for tefra help and go on waiting lists for

therapies our insurance won't cover anyway. It seems through it all

we've lost our connection, positivity is hard to come by, and we are

just living minute to minute.

Its hard enough to stay connected when you could take these kids on a

2 wk long dream vacation to disney world and they'd 1st find a way to

ruin it so you can't go, then get there and seemingly not enjoy

themselves, then be mad about the things they miss b/c they can't get

off their schedules to stay up late for things like fireworks or late

night parades, then start to get overwhelmed and overstimulated so

they want or need to go home. So you can't easily reconnect by doing

fun stuff with them. But if you just buy them things or do things for

them you would have got the wrong thing or done the wrong thing.

Every love language has such a high probability of just going wrong.

And when you are just getting by day to day I just can't seem to find

any last sliver of time or energy that seems to be enough to actually

do anything to try to reconnect. Yet, like I said, I think we won't

be able to get much furthur improvement without it. So you get stuck

in the just getting by which doesn't help them move foreward much less

come to a point where they can even pretend to function at a level

anywhere near a peer.

On 4/30/10, Byrne <kabob@...> wrote:

> Carol,

> I'm so very sorry your are feeling such horrible despair. I can never

> understand completely what you are going through. My daughter is 8 and as

> much as I try to " enjoy " my aspie child it does come with lots of burdens

> and hardship. I to have those days where I want to throw up my hands and

> give up because there feels like theres nothing else I can do. The

> helpless feeling is more than I can bare sometimes. My daughter goes

> through the " I want to just die phases " or " Why dont you just get rid of

> me " or even " I " m calling the police because your mean to me " (scares the

> crap out of me!!) Which is gut wrenching and painful to hear. I get

> tired of hearing " why cure aspergers, its great! " Well its not always

> great and for the most part its not fun at all. We want our children to

> be happy productive parts of society that love to explore and just enjoy

> life. Its not always that simple with our kids. Anyway, again I can't

> imagine what you are going through, but know I am thinking of you, praying

> for you and your son. That you can find some support where you are and that

> he can conquer these dreadful feelings he has. Sending love your way!!

> Keep talking to us, it has to help a little!! Know you are not alone!!

>

> thoughts and prayers

> B.

>

>

> On Apr 30, 2010, at 4:06 AM, wn_crl wrote:

>

>> I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can

>> it possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely

>> child is 23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room,

>> 'self medicates' to dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't

>> engage with getting help. I am on my own and so depressed and isolated

>> myself that I can't find the work I need to get out.

>> Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I

>> always have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten

>> years, through all his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections,

>> humilations and sorrows, failures to launch, dangerous excursions into

>> love, outbursts of rage.

>> If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the

>> computer at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a

>> group he perceives as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had

>> an obvious, physical disability which everyone could see and we could all

>> understand. The truth is he seems to have been born with with crucial

>> components missing, the selfhood, self management, get up and go, enjoy

>> life bit, the get along with others, have a laugh, playful bit. What

>> remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect. And I don't know

>> anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying. Last time I

>> posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with Aspergers,

>> for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer'

>> parents, especially those in the UK.

>> carol

>>

>>

>

>

>

> “Here's to the crazy ones, the misfits, the rebels, the troublemakers, the

> round pegs in the square holes... the ones who see things differently --

> they're not fond of rules... You can quote them, disagree with them, glorify

> or vilify them, but the only thing you can't do is ignore them because they

> change things... they push the human race forward, and while some may see

> them as the crazy ones, we see genius, because the ones who are crazy enough

> to think that they can change the world, are the ones who do.” - Steve

> Jobs

>

>

>

--

Sent from my mobile device

-mommy to Emma, Becca, ,

and

Girl Scout cookies are coming!

[Guest guest]

Carol - I just saw your message this morning and am sending you a big, virtual

hug. I don't know what can be done to help your son, but I'm concerned about how

you are doing. Can you try to do one nice thing for yourself every day? That's

what my doctor recently told me when I was feeling overwhelmed. Please keep in

touch and let us know how things are going.

My nephew sounds a lot like your son. He's about 27 and has pretty much stayed

in his room since high school. He had a couple of jobs since high school, but

was fired. And I'm sure that he hasn't a clue as to why. Last year he found a

card shop and has started hanging out there once a week and we all noticed that

he seemed to have more energy. He recently decided to take some classes at

Kaplan University and was able to get a student loan. I would never have

predicted this change in him, and wish him every success. He's still really

disorganized, but at least he has somewhere to go during the day, is around

people and has something to do besides watch TV or play games on the computer.

So change is possible. Don't give up.

[Guest guest]

Hi Carol, so sorry!! In the UK, are there group homes you could get him placed

in? He may be his own legal guardian, but here you could still involunatarily

commit him (maybe by reason of his self-medication, any rage he might show at

home...) and get him in hospital and from there placed in a group home. That's

just my first thought, due to his age. A lot of people do wonderfully in

placements that didn't do well at home, eventually; not that they like it and

aren't upset when it's all first implemented against them (but really FOR them,

in their interest). They can eventually have visits home, even

overnight/weekends, if parent wants, so it's not like you're not in touch,

involved.

Again, just my first thought.

>

> I have reached the stage when all I seem to be able to do is cry. How can it

possibly be that I am in this situation. The person who was my lovely child is

23 and basically hates life, is confined mostly to one room, 'self medicates' to

dull the pain, scarcely sees anyone, won't or can't engage with getting help. I

am on my own and so depressed and isolated myself that I can't find the work I

need to get out.

> Friends are out of their depth and always say 'have you tried?..' (I always

have). I have been caring for my son in this way for over ten years, through all

his multiple meltdowns, setbacks, rejections, humilations and sorrows, failures

to launch, dangerous excursions into love, outbursts of rage.

> If I hear the jolly word Aspie one more time I swear I will hurl the computer

at the wall. He himself would rather die than identify with a group he perceives

as saddo 'windowlickers!' I find myself wishing he had an obvious, physical

disability which everyone could see and we could all understand. The truth is he

seems to have been born with with crucial components missing, the selfhood, self

management, get up and go, enjoy life bit, the get along with others, have a

laugh, playful bit. What remains is a massive, bitterly self critical intellect.

And I don't know anyone in the same situation as me, not for want of trying.

Last time I posted I got a couple of kind responses from young people with

Aspergers, for which I am grateful, but I think I need to talk to other 'carer'

parents, especially those in the UK.

> carol

>

[Guest guest]

Great advice

Sent from my iPhone