Re: Frustrated (vent)

[Guest guest]

>

;

Maybe beacuse we are more senstive to foods.I am also on a

strict diet, low salt and cholesterol for my heart then also watch

what i eat due to my thyroid. Our PCP told us we do eat healthy which

is great but yes I am also interested in the water cure diet,I use

water nad caffine free tea too. we do have well water so it is niot

from the city would that make a difference? But hyes we do watch what

we eat with everything.There is no cure to Fibro but it can make our

symptoms stay level withuot so may flares. Best of luck finding

what yuo need to do to manage your fibro. hugs heidi

> I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.

> Some seem ridiculous and others seem doable. I have tried many.

> Some work for a short time or not at all.

> Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot while

> rubbing my head (if you get my drift).

> Currently I am on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and

> milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.

> I was considering trying the Water Cure diet mentioned in Dom's

> newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always

something

> I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is with

> gluten, which is quite a bit.

> There are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one being

> coffee. Now yesterday I was reading acidic vs alkaline foods and

> coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So

would

> that be acceptable on the Water Cure diet?

> One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.

> Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some

> Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a

> pain management dr, 3 years ago. He did an extensive exam including

> pressure on the tender points.

> Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm

> exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.

> I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when

> needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.

> I keep looking for that magic cure. Why is it as fmers we have to

> watch everything we eat? Normal people dont.

> ok

> i guess that is it.

>

[Guest guest]

here is another thought/odditity?:

I am 52, my youngest daughter Amber is 30. she has many of the same

symptoms I have now, that I did not have at her age. I had fm then

but as I age and come up with new symptoms she gets them also. now

this is not something that we always discuss. some of these things

either I notice or she tells me. I dont tell her my symptoms first as

I dont want to confuse the issue. so she said to me mom look at my

nose, both sides are dry and scaly. well so is mine, this is new for

me and for her. I having been having great pain in my neck. i didnt

say anything, as usual I just grin and live with it. well the other

day she says mom I have this awful pain in my neck. I said Amber I

have had it for 2 weeks. I give her some icy hot gel and tell her to

use moist heat when not using the gel. it is just very weird. it is

as if her fm is worse then mine. so how did she get it, besides the

gene from me? she had one of those nasty viruses a teen gets, I

forget what it is called (not mono) and it casuses white spots on the

mouth and throat and her older sister had it too as a teen and had to

go on steroids for it. so both had it but only amber has fibro.

neither of the girls suffered any abuse or were in car accidents or

any other situation that would cause trauma to the body. so that

brings it back to my gene (as I am sure my mother had fm) and the

viral connection. yet why is amber's worse than mine?

just thinking out loud and throwing info out there. maybe one of us

can figure out the cause.

night all

> >

>

> ;

> Maybe beacuse we are more senstive to foods.I am also on a

> strict diet, low salt and cholesterol for my heart then also watch

> what i eat due to my thyroid. Our PCP told us we do eat healthy

which

> is great but yes I am also interested in the water cure diet,I use

> water nad caffine free tea too. we do have well water so it is niot

> from the city would that make a difference? But hyes we do watch

what

> we eat with everything.There is no cure to Fibro but it can make

our

> symptoms stay level withuot so may flares. Best of luck finding

> what yuo need to do to manage your fibro. hugs heidi

>

> > I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.

> > Some seem ridiculous and others seem doable. I have tried many.

> > Some work for a short time or not at all.

> > Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot

while

> > rubbing my head (if you get my drift).

> > Currently I am on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and

> > milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.

> > I was considering trying the Water Cure diet mentioned in Dom's

> > newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always

> something

> > I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is

with

> > gluten, which is quite a bit.

> > There are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one

being

> > coffee. Now yesterday I was reading acidic vs alkaline foods and

> > coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So

> would

> > that be acceptable on the Water Cure diet?

> > One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.

> > Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some

> > Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a

> > pain management dr, 3 years ago. He did an extensive exam

including

> > pressure on the tender points.

> > Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm

> > exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.

> > I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when

> > needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.

> > I keep looking for that magic cure. Why is it as fmers we have to

> > watch everything we eat? Normal people dont.

> > ok

> > i guess that is it.

> >

>

[Guest guest]

My 21 year old daughter often complains of the same symptoms that I have. It scares me and I try not to alarm her either. After she's complained several times of the same symptom I sometimes let her know that I suffer the same symptoms to, i.e. feeling like you've been run over by a truck when you haven't done anything out of the ordinary.

Deb Halvorson

Re: Frustrated (vent)

here is another thought/odditity? :I am 52, my youngest daughter Amber is 30. she has many of the same symptoms I have now, that I did not have at her age. I had fm then but as I age and come up with new symptoms she gets them also. now this is not something that we always discuss. some of these things either I notice or she tells me. I dont tell her my symptoms first as I dont want to confuse the issue. so she said to me mom look at my nose, both sides are dry and scaly. well so is mine, this is new for me and for her. I having been having great pain in my neck. i didnt say anything, as usual I just grin and live with it. well the other day she says mom I have this awful pain in my neck. I said Amber I have had it for 2 weeks. I give her some icy hot gel and tell her to use moist heat when not using the gel. it is just very weird. it is as if her fm is worse then mine. so how did she get it, besides

the gene from me? she had one of those nasty viruses a teen gets, I forget what it is called (not mono) and it casuses white spots on the mouth and throat and her older sister had it too as a teen and had to go on steroids for it. so both had it but only amber has fibro. neither of the girls suffered any abuse or were in car accidents or any other situation that would cause trauma to the body. so that brings it back to my gene (as I am sure my mother had fm) and the viral connection. yet why is amber's worse than mine?just thinking out loud and throwing info out there. maybe one of us can figure out the cause.night all> >> > ;> Maybe beacuse we are more senstive to foods.I am also on a > strict diet, low salt and cholesterol for my heart then also watch > what i eat due to my thyroid. Our PCP told us we do eat healthy which > is great but yes I am also interested in the water cure diet,I use > water nad caffine free tea too. we do have well water so it is niot > from the city would that make a difference? But hyes we do watch what > we eat with everything.There is no cure to Fibro but it can make our > symptoms stay level withuot so may flares. Best of luck finding > what yuo need to do to manage your fibro. hugs heidi> > > I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.> > Some seem ridiculous and others seem

doable. I have tried many.> > Some work for a short time or not at all.> > Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot while > > rubbing my head (if you get my drift).> > Currently I am on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and > > milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.> > I was considering trying the Water Cure diet mentioned in Dom's > > newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always > something > > I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is with > > gluten, which is quite a bit. > > There are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one being > > coffee. Now yesterday I was reading acidic vs alkaline foods and > > coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So > would > > that be acceptable on the Water

Cure diet?> > One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.> > Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some > > Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a > > pain management dr, 3 years ago. He did an extensive exam including > > pressure on the tender points. > > Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm > > exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.> > I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when > > needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.> > I keep looking for that magic cure. Why is it as fmers we have to > > watch everything we eat? Normal people dont. > > ok> > i guess that is it.> >>

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

i understand the frustation.. when i started having health problems are started looking at foods.. for on condition no red meats, another watch the the amount veggies, another avoid carbs, avoid this, avoid that... i decided i would eat the foods i enjoy and make me feel good... perhaps try a food dairy.. see if there are any collerations between symptoms and foods.. some people have good luck with this, i didn't find a thing that made a lick of difference... i'm going to go with balanced diet in moderation with moderate excericise...

personally for me, its been moderate lifestyle changes that i can be happy with that make the difference.. i've adjusted the way i do my daily tasks and ensure i have time to do things i enjoy.. i'm still working on getting a bit more exercise.. but when i can just a bit i sleep well and have less pain.. i would just try one thing at a time, make a small adjustment and see what happens.. anything that doesn't make you mentally happy is probably not worth it in the long run

blessed be

liz

On Sun, Apr 20, 2008 at 7:08 PM, <cindyinmd55@...> wrote:

I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.Some seem ridiculous and others seem doable. I have tried many.Some work for a short time or not at all.Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot while

rubbing my head (if you get my drift).Currently I am on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.I was considering trying the Water Cure diet mentioned in Dom's

newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always something I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is with gluten, which is quite a bit. There are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one being

coffee. Now yesterday I was reading acidic vs alkaline foods and coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So would that be acceptable on the Water Cure diet?One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.

Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a pain management dr, 3 years ago. He did an extensive exam including pressure on the tender points.

Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.

I keep looking for that magic cure. Why is it as fmers we have to watch everything we eat? Normal people dont. oki guess that is it.

..

[Guest guest]

My daughter also has FMS, and another daughter has RA. I have both. So, I really think the gene is there for children to get whatever the parent has. If the conditions are right, they will get it. ElaineDebbie Halvorson <djh_50fab@...> wrote: My 21 year old daughter often complains of the same symptoms that I have. It scares me and I try not to alarm her either. After she's complained several

times of the same symptom I sometimes let her know that I suffer the same symptoms to, i.e. feeling like you've been run over by a truck when you haven't done anything out of the ordinary. Deb Halvorson Re: Frustrated (vent) here is another thought/odditity? :I am 52, my youngest daughter Amber is 30. she has many of the same symptoms I have now, that I did not have at her age. I had fm then

but as I age and come up with new symptoms she gets them also. now this is not something that we always discuss. some of these things either I notice or she tells me. I dont tell her my symptoms first as I dont want to confuse the issue. so she said to me mom look at my nose, both sides are dry and scaly. well so is mine, this is new for me and for her. I having been having great pain in my neck. i didnt say anything, as usual I just grin and live with it. well the other day she says mom I have this awful pain in my neck. I said Amber I have had it for 2 weeks. I give her some icy hot gel and tell her to use moist heat when not using the gel. it is just very weird. it is as if her fm is worse then mine. so how did she get it, besides the gene from me? she had one of those nasty viruses a teen gets, I forget what it is called (not mono) and it casuses white spots on the mouth and throat and her older sister had it too

as a teen and had to go on steroids for it. so both had it but only amber has fibro. neither of the girls suffered any abuse or were in car accidents or any other situation that would cause trauma to the body. so that brings it back to my gene (as I am sure my mother had fm) and the viral connection. yet why is amber's worse than mine?just thinking out loud and throwing info out there. maybe one of us can figure out the cause.night all> >> > ;> Maybe beacuse we are more senstive to foods.I am also on a >

strict diet, low salt and cholesterol for my heart then also watch > what i eat due to my thyroid. Our PCP told us we do eat healthy which > is great but yes I am also interested in the water cure diet,I use > water nad caffine free tea too. we do have well water so it is niot > from the city would that make a difference? But hyes we do watch what > we eat with everything.There is no cure to Fibro but it can make our > symptoms stay level withuot so may flares. Best of luck finding > what yuo need to do to manage your fibro. hugs heidi> > > I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.> > Some seem ridiculous and others seem doable. I have tried many.> > Some work for a short time or not at all.> > Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot while > > rubbing my head (if you get my drift).> > Currently I am

on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and > > milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.> > I was considering trying the Water Cure diet mentioned in Dom's > > newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always > something > > I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is with > > gluten, which is quite a bit. > > There are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one being > > coffee. Now yesterday I was reading acidic vs alkaline foods and > > coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So > would > > that be acceptable on the Water Cure diet?> > One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.> > Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some > > Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a > > pain management dr, 3

years ago. He did an extensive exam including > > pressure on the tender points. > > Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm > > exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.> > I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when > > needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.> > I keep looking for that magic cure. Why is it as fmers we have to > > watch everything we eat? Normal people dont. > > ok> > i guess that is it.> >> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

I have a 16 year old daughter that says the same thing (like she feels she's been run over by a truck.) She does have Raynaud's Syndrome which is Autoimmune and has inherited my hereditary Factor XI deficiency (which is so mild that it really doesn't affect her...we just need to give her a shot before she has any surgeries.) My Factor XI is mild like hers, but I was still kinda shocked when I was diagnosed with RA and Fibro. My daughters ANA count is always high because of the Raynaud's, but mine's normal. Ohio's weather seems to do it to us quite a bit, and if she gets really stressed she starts hurting really bad with no known cause. She is physically fit, and a petite little thing, but when she hurts bad she doesn't do anything except lay around. I do let her stay home from school occassionally when she's really bad. I hope they come up with something to save our children from having to go through all

this crap. Debbie Halvorson <djh_50fab@...> wrote: My 21 year old daughter often complains of the same symptoms that I have. It scares me and I try not to alarm her either. After she's complained several times of the same symptom I sometimes let her know that I suffer the same symptoms to, i.e. feeling like you've been run over by a truck when you haven't done anything out of the

ordinary. Deb Halvorson Re: Frustrated (vent) here is another thought/odditity? :I am 52, my youngest daughter Amber is 30. she has many of the same symptoms I have now, that I did not have at her age. I had fm then but as I age and come up with new symptoms she gets them also. now this is not something that we always discuss. some of these things either I notice or she tells me. I

dont tell her my symptoms first as I dont want to confuse the issue. so she said to me mom look at my nose, both sides are dry and scaly. well so is mine, this is new for me and for her. I having been having great pain in my neck. i didnt say anything, as usual I just grin and live with it. well the other day she says mom I have this awful pain in my neck. I said Amber I have had it for 2 weeks. I give her some icy hot gel and tell her to use moist heat when not using the gel. it is just very weird. it is as if her fm is worse then mine. so how did she get it, besides the gene from me? she had one of those nasty viruses a teen gets, I forget what it is called (not mono) and it casuses white spots on the mouth and throat and her older sister had it too as a teen and had to go on steroids for it. so both had it but only amber has fibro. neither of the girls suffered any abuse or were in car accidents or any other

situation that would cause trauma to the body. so that brings it back to my gene (as I am sure my mother had fm) and the viral connection. yet why is amber's worse than mine?just thinking out loud and throwing info out there. maybe one of us can figure out the cause.night all> >> > ;> Maybe beacuse we are more senstive to foods.I am also on a > strict diet, low salt and cholesterol for my heart then also watch > what i eat due to my thyroid. Our PCP told us we do eat healthy which > is great but yes

I am also interested in the water cure diet,I use > water nad caffine free tea too. we do have well water so it is niot > from the city would that make a difference? But hyes we do watch what > we eat with everything.There is no cure to Fibro but it can make our > symptoms stay level withuot so may flares. Best of luck finding > what yuo need to do to manage your fibro. hugs heidi> > > I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.> > Some seem ridiculous and others seem doable. I have tried many.> > Some work for a short time or not at all.> > Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot while > > rubbing my head (if you get my drift).> > Currently I am on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and > > milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.> > I was considering trying the Water Cure diet

mentioned in Dom's > > newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always > something > > I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is with > > gluten, which is quite a bit. > > There are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one being > > coffee. Now yesterday I was reading acidic vs alkaline foods and > > coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So > would > > that be acceptable on the Water Cure diet?> > One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.> > Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some > > Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a > > pain management dr, 3 years ago. He did an extensive exam including > > pressure on the tender points. > > Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm

> > exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.> > I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when > > needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.> > I keep looking for that magic cure. Why is it as fmers we have to > > watch everything we eat? Normal people dont. > > ok> > i guess that is it.> >> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Hi Nadine, you mentioned your daughter having Raynaud's syndrome. I had that also, and after i did the antibiotic treatment for my RA that also went away. I live in MI., so I know what you mean about the weather, and our winter hangs on a couple of weeks longer than OH. My fingers use to turn completely white and throb when i would be driving a car in the cold weather. I imagined them to be like a dead person's fingers. That was 10 years ago now and it has not returned. Elaine nadine redman <nlraccount@...> wrote: I have a 16 year old daughter that says the same thing (like she feels she's been run over by a truck.) She does have Raynaud's Syndrome which is Autoimmune and has inherited my hereditary Factor XI deficiency (which is so mild that it really doesn't affect her...we just need to give her a shot before she has any surgeries.) My Factor XI is mild like hers, but I was still kinda shocked when I was diagnosed with RA and Fibro. My daughters ANA count is always high because of the Raynaud's, but mine's normal. Ohio's weather seems to do it to us quite a bit, and if she gets really stressed she starts hurting really bad with no known cause. She is physically fit, and a petite little thing, but when she hurts bad she doesn't do anything except lay around. I do let her stay home from school occassionally when she's really bad. I hope they come up

with something to save our children from having to go through all this crap. Debbie Halvorson <djh_50fab > wrote: My 21 year old daughter often complains of the same symptoms that I have. It scares me and I try not to alarm her either. After she's complained several times of the same symptom I sometimes let her know that I suffer the same symptoms to, i.e. feeling like you've been run over by a truck when you haven't done anything out of the ordinary. Deb Halvorson Re: Frustrated (vent) here is another thought/odditity? :I am 52, my youngest daughter Amber is 30. she has many of the same symptoms I have now, that I did not have at her age. I had fm then but as I age and come up with new symptoms she gets them also. now this is not something that we always discuss. some of these things either I notice or she tells me. I dont tell her my symptoms first as I dont want to confuse the issue. so she said to me mom look at my nose, both sides are dry and scaly. well so is mine, this is new for me and for her. I having been having great pain in my neck. i didnt say

anything, as usual I just grin and live with it. well the other day she says mom I have this awful pain in my neck. I said Amber I have had it for 2 weeks. I give her some icy hot gel and tell her to use moist heat when not using the gel. it is just very weird. it is as if her fm is worse then mine. so how did she get it, besides the gene from me? she had one of those nasty viruses a teen gets, I forget what it is called (not mono) and it casuses white spots on the mouth and throat and her older sister had it too as a teen and had to go on steroids for it. so both had it but only amber has fibro. neither of the girls suffered any abuse or were in car accidents or any other situation that would cause trauma to the body. so that brings it back to my gene (as I am sure my mother had fm) and the viral connection. yet why is amber's worse than mine?just thinking out loud and throwing info out there. maybe one of us can

figure out the cause.night all> >> > ;> Maybe beacuse we are more senstive to foods.I am also on a > strict diet, low salt and cholesterol for my heart then also watch > what i eat due to my thyroid. Our PCP told us we do eat healthy which > is great but yes I am also interested in the water cure diet,I use > water nad caffine free tea too. we do have well water so it is niot > from the city would that make a difference? But hyes we do watch what > we eat with everything.There is no cure to

Fibro but it can make our > symptoms stay level withuot so may flares. Best of luck finding > what yuo need to do to manage your fibro. hugs heidi> > > I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.> > Some seem ridiculous and others seem doable. I have tried many.> > Some work for a short time or not at all.> > Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot while > > rubbing my head (if you get my drift).> > Currently I am on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and > > milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.> > I was considering trying the Water Cure diet mentioned in Dom's > > newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always > something > > I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is with > > gluten, which is quite a bit. > > There

are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one being > > coffee. Now yesterday I was reading acidic vs alkaline foods and > > coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So > would > > that be acceptable on the Water Cure diet?> > One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.> > Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some > > Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a > > pain management dr, 3 years ago. He did an extensive exam including > > pressure on the tender points. > > Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm > > exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.> > I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when > > needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.> > I keep looking for that magic

cure. Why is it as fmers we have to > > watch everything we eat? Normal people dont. > > ok> > i guess that is it.> >> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

what antibiotic treatment did you do for your RA? They (the childrens Rheum) wanted to put my daughter on a BP medicine that does really help with the Raynaud symptoms, but she has a low normal BP to begin with and with her being so active they didn't think it would be a good fit yet. Her fingers have turned such a deep purple being outside in 40 degree weather after 15 minutes it scared the crap out of me. Her fingers turn white just grabbing a cold pop can and holding it for just a few seconds. She's starting to look at colleges, and it's no wonder her favorites so far are quite a bit down south =). Elaine Pratt <epra72@...> wrote: Hi Nadine, you mentioned your daughter having Raynaud's syndrome. I had that also, and after i did the antibiotic treatment for my RA that also went away. I live in MI., so I know what you mean about the weather, and our winter hangs on a couple of weeks longer than OH. My fingers use to turn completely white and throb when i would be driving a car in the cold weather. I imagined them to be like a dead person's fingers. That was 10 years ago now and it has not returned. Elaine nadine redman <nlraccount > wrote: I have a 16 year old daughter that says the same thing (like she feels she's been run over by a

truck.) She does have Raynaud's Syndrome which is Autoimmune and has inherited my hereditary Factor XI deficiency (which is so mild that it really doesn't affect her...we just need to give her a shot before she has any surgeries.) My Factor XI is mild like hers, but I was still kinda shocked when I was diagnosed with RA and Fibro. My daughters ANA count is always high because of the Raynaud's, but mine's normal. Ohio's weather seems to do it to us quite a bit, and if she gets really stressed she starts hurting really bad with no known cause. She is physically fit, and a petite little thing, but when she hurts bad she doesn't do anything except lay around. I do let her stay home from school occassionally when she's really bad. I hope they come up with something to save our children from having to go through all this crap. Debbie Halvorson <djh_50fab >

wrote: My 21 year old daughter often complains of the same symptoms that I have. It scares me and I try not to alarm her either. After she's complained several times of the same symptom I sometimes let her know that I suffer the same symptoms to, i.e. feeling like you've been run over by a truck when you haven't done anything out of the ordinary. Deb Halvorson Re: Frustrated (vent) here is another thought/odditity? :I am 52, my youngest daughter Amber is 30. she has many of the same symptoms I have now, that I did not have at her age. I had fm then but as I age and come up with new symptoms she gets them also. now this is not something that we always discuss. some of these things either I notice or she tells me. I dont tell her my symptoms first as I dont want to confuse the issue. so she said to me mom look at my nose, both sides are dry and scaly. well so is mine, this is new for me and for her. I having been having great pain in my neck. i didnt say anything, as usual I just grin and live with it. well the other day she says mom I have this awful pain in my neck. I said Amber I have had it for 2 weeks. I give

her some icy hot gel and tell her to use moist heat when not using the gel. it is just very weird. it is as if her fm is worse then mine. so how did she get it, besides the gene from me? she had one of those nasty viruses a teen gets, I forget what it is called (not mono) and it casuses white spots on the mouth and throat and her older sister had it too as a teen and had to go on steroids for it. so both had it but only amber has fibro. neither of the girls suffered any abuse or were in car accidents or any other situation that would cause trauma to the body. so that brings it back to my gene (as I am sure my mother had fm) and the viral connection. yet why is amber's worse than mine?just thinking out loud and throwing info out there. maybe one of us can figure out the cause.night all> >> > ;> Maybe beacuse we are more senstive to foods.I am also on a > strict diet, low salt and cholesterol for my heart then also watch > what i eat due to my thyroid. Our PCP told us we do eat healthy which > is great but yes I am also interested in the water cure diet,I use > water nad caffine free tea too. we do have well water so it is niot > from the city would that make a difference? But hyes we do watch what > we eat with everything.There is no cure to Fibro but it can make our > symptoms stay level withuot so may flares. Best of luck finding > what

yuo need to do to manage your fibro. hugs heidi> > > I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.> > Some seem ridiculous and others seem doable. I have tried many.> > Some work for a short time or not at all.> > Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot while > > rubbing my head (if you get my drift).> > Currently I am on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and > > milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.> > I was considering trying the Water Cure diet mentioned in Dom's > > newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always > something > > I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is with > > gluten, which is quite a bit. > > There are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one being > > coffee. Now yesterday I was reading

acidic vs alkaline foods and > > coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So > would > > that be acceptable on the Water Cure diet?> > One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.> > Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some > > Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a > > pain management dr, 3 years ago. He did an extensive exam including > > pressure on the tender points. > > Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm > > exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.> > I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when > > needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.> > I keep looking for that magic cure. Why is it as fmers we have to > > watch everything we eat? Normal people dont. > > ok>

> i guess that is it.> >> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

I know, this is just so frustrating. I had all kinds of wacky symptoms

for years before I was diagnosed. And even then, in 1993, the only

thing they knew to tell me was to take Elavil. I couldn't tolerate

that, so the rheumatologist kind of smirked and said, " good luck. "

Even now, I can make myself crazy with all the diets and " cures, " and

I do a really good job of that. I'm also gluten-free and lactose-free

and sugar-free and caffeine free and pretty much everything free. One

body care worker tells me to work on the gut, another tells me about a

new dopamine study and tells me to take this drug, but the only people

who can't take it are those who are bipolar, and guess what? That's

me. A brand-new book with the latest " cure " says the people with

fibromyalgia and bipolar syndrome are the most difficult to treat.

Sometimes it makes me want to drive off the bridge.

[Guest guest]

Laurie: I hear you and empathize. Don't drive off a

bridge. Live your life as fully as you can no matter

what. I hurt my back last week due to disk problems

and I stood in the middle of the room and screamed

" can't you give me a break in some way!! Now I have to

deal with this chronic issue??!!'. I was ashamed of

myself later in the day. But sometimes we just have

to let it out and scream LOL! So many doctors already

now adding a pain and rehab specialist to the list is

just another co-pay and just another place I have to

visit! ARGHHH...

--- Laurie Boris <lboris845@...> wrote:

> I know, this is just so frustrating. I had all kinds

> of wacky symptoms

> for years before I was diagnosed. And even then, in

> 1993, the only

> thing they knew to tell me was to take Elavil. I

> couldn't tolerate

> that, so the rheumatologist kind of smirked and

> said, " good luck. "

>

> Even now, I can make myself crazy with all the diets

> and " cures, " and

> I do a really good job of that. I'm also gluten-free

> and lactose-free

> and sugar-free and caffeine free and pretty much

> everything free. One

> body care worker tells me to work on the gut,

> another tells me about a

> new dopamine study and tells me to take this drug,

> but the only people

> who can't take it are those who are bipolar, and

> guess what? That's

> me. A brand-new book with the latest " cure " says the

> people with

> fibromyalgia and bipolar syndrome are the most

> difficult to treat.

>

> Sometimes it makes me want to drive off the bridge.

>

Owner/Moderator of Womens Weight Loss Journey

WomensWeightLossJourney

________________________________________________________________________________\

____

Be a better friend, newshound, and

know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

http://mobile./;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ

[Guest guest]

>

Laurie;

Stay here stay focused OK Sweetie.Yes sometimes we hurt from

hair or eyelashes on down. Yes I even feel like hitting high C with

some Dr's who don't understand us.I talked with a Dr who told me my

symptoms occurred or starting back in 1994 then 3 family deaths and

my first heart attack in 1999 sent me into it with emotional abuse

from my folks,in-laws and yes even some from my hubby by not backing

me up when his mom talked mean abut me and wanted him back with his

ex who divorced him in 1972 and we met in 1974. Yes it is very

frustrating.Just remember there is no cure for our Fibromyalgia.Just

lessen the symptoms too sweetie.Come here rant rave cry on our

shoulders through our big piece of metal we all have been there

where you are once believe me it does get better but stay focused. we

all Love you so stay here and use us as your sounding board OK.

Gentle Fibro Hugs Heidi

> I know, this is just so frustrating. I had all kinds of wacky

symptoms

> for years before I was diagnosed. And even then, in 1993, the only

> thing they knew to tell me was to take Elavil. I couldn't tolerate

> that, so the rheumatologist kind of smirked and said, " good luck. "

>

> Even now, I can make myself crazy with all the diets and " cures, "

and

> I do a really good job of that. I'm also gluten-free and lactose-

free

> and sugar-free and caffeine free and pretty much everything free.

One

> body care worker tells me to work on the gut, another tells me

about a

> new dopamine study and tells me to take this drug, but the only

people

> who can't take it are those who are bipolar, and guess what?

That's

> me. A brand-new book with the latest " cure " says the people with

> fibromyalgia and bipolar syndrome are the most difficult to treat.

>

> Sometimes it makes me want to drive off the bridge.

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Laurie - This can be such a frustrating illness. I totally

understand what you are saying. If it's any help, I wrote 100 tips

for coping at http://www.fms-help.com/tips.htm and there are other

supportive articles in the yellow box on my homepage at

http://www.fms-help.com - I found out a long time ago that the only

people who understand FMS/CFIDS are those of us who have it. If you

need support in regard to a bad experience with a doctor, check out

my page at http://www.fms-help.com/doctors.htm - you know your body

best! Some meds just don't agree with us, and there is no one single

med that helps every person with fibro/CFS/insomnia. Just wanted you

to know that I hear you loud and clear. A list of things I'm using

now is at http://www.fms-help.com/what.htm - at least I am mostly

functional now, but it took me a long time to find the right meds and

supplements that worked for me personally. But everyone is

different. (Some things other fibromites recommended to me were

awful, but helped them....so I learned to just experiment, and if

something didn't help, I just moved on....no wonder they call

this " Millionaire's Disease! " It helps to have a good doctor who

will work with you on meds, etc. and LISTEN when you say something

doesn't help. ) - Dominie

>

> I know, this is just so frustrating. I had all kinds of wacky

symptoms

> for years before I was diagnosed. And even then, in 1993, the only

> thing they knew to tell me was to take Elavil. I couldn't tolerate

> that, so the rheumatologist kind of smirked and said, " good luck. "

>

> Even now, I can make myself crazy with all the diets and " cures, "

and

> I do a really good job of that. I'm also gluten-free and lactose-

free

> and sugar-free and caffeine free and pretty much everything free.

One

> body care worker tells me to work on the gut, another tells me

about a

> new dopamine study and tells me to take this drug, but the only

people

> who can't take it are those who are bipolar, and guess what?

That's

> me. A brand-new book with the latest " cure " says the people with

> fibromyalgia and bipolar syndrome are the most difficult to treat.

>

> Sometimes it makes me want to drive off the bridge.

>

[Guest guest]

Nadine, I took Minocycline and doxicycline 50-100 mgs. (alternating them) on Mon. Wed. Fri. Go to www.roadback.org as there is information on this protocol. I believe they even have information on juvinile arthritis. Now, your rhuematoligist probably won't approve going this direction. It is hard to find a "rhuemy" that will. I saw a D.O. who prescribed it after doing blood work showing I had mycoplasma infection, which caused RA believe or not. I had the Reynards long before the RA showed itself, and didn't know what it was. This web site has a lot of information and has a "help" page just like this one. I believe all of the autoimmune diseases will respond to this protocol. Hugs, Elainenadine redman <nlraccount@...> wrote: what antibiotic treatment did you do for your RA? They (the childrens Rheum) wanted to put my daughter on a BP medicine that does really help with the Raynaud symptoms, but she has a low normal BP to begin with and with her being so active they didn't think it would be a good fit yet. Her fingers have turned such a deep purple being outside in 40 degree weather after 15 minutes it scared the crap out of me. Her fingers turn white just grabbing a cold pop can and holding it for just a few seconds. She's starting to look at colleges, and it's no wonder her favorites so far are quite a bit down south

=). Elaine Pratt <epra72 > wrote: Hi Nadine, you mentioned your daughter having Raynaud's syndrome. I had that also, and after i did the antibiotic treatment for my RA that also went away. I live in MI., so I know what you mean about the weather, and our winter hangs on a couple of weeks longer than OH. My fingers use to turn completely white and throb when i would be driving a car in the cold weather. I imagined them to be like a dead person's fingers. That was 10 years ago now and it has not returned. Elaine nadine redman <nlraccount > wrote: I have a 16 year old daughter that says the same thing (like she feels she's

been run over by a truck.) She does have Raynaud's Syndrome which is Autoimmune and has inherited my hereditary Factor XI deficiency (which is so mild that it really doesn't affect her...we just need to give her a shot before she has any surgeries.) My Factor XI is mild like hers, but I was still kinda shocked when I was diagnosed with RA and Fibro. My daughters ANA count is always high because of the Raynaud's, but mine's normal. Ohio's weather seems to do it to us quite a bit, and if she gets really stressed she starts hurting really bad with no known cause. She is physically fit, and a petite little thing, but when she hurts bad she doesn't do anything except lay around. I do let her stay home from school occassionally when she's really bad. I hope they come up with something to save our children from having to go through all this crap. Debbie Halvorson

<djh_50fab > wrote: My 21 year old daughter often complains of the same symptoms that I have. It scares me and I try not to alarm her either. After she's complained several times of the same symptom I sometimes let her know that I suffer the same symptoms to, i.e. feeling like you've been run over by a truck when you haven't done anything out of the ordinary. Deb Halvorson Re: Frustrated (vent) here is another thought/odditity? :I am 52, my youngest daughter Amber is 30. she has many of the same symptoms I have now, that I did not have at her age. I had fm then but as I age and come up with new symptoms she gets them also. now this is not something that we always discuss. some of these things either I notice or she tells me. I dont tell her my symptoms first as I dont want to confuse the issue. so she said to me mom look at my nose, both sides are dry and scaly. well so is mine, this is new for me and for her. I having been having great pain in my neck. i didnt say anything, as usual I just grin and live with it. well the other day she says mom I have this awful pain in my neck. I said

Amber I have had it for 2 weeks. I give her some icy hot gel and tell her to use moist heat when not using the gel. it is just very weird. it is as if her fm is worse then mine. so how did she get it, besides the gene from me? she had one of those nasty viruses a teen gets, I forget what it is called (not mono) and it casuses white spots on the mouth and throat and her older sister had it too as a teen and had to go on steroids for it. so both had it but only amber has fibro. neither of the girls suffered any abuse or were in car accidents or any other situation that would cause trauma to the body. so that brings it back to my gene (as I am sure my mother had fm) and the viral connection. yet why is amber's worse than mine?just thinking out loud and throwing info out there. maybe one of us can figure out the cause.night all> >> > ;> Maybe beacuse we are more senstive to foods.I am also on a > strict diet, low salt and cholesterol for my heart then also watch > what i eat due to my thyroid. Our PCP told us we do eat healthy which > is great but yes I am also interested in the water cure diet,I use > water nad caffine free tea too. we do have well water so it is niot > from the city would that make a difference? But hyes we do watch what > we eat with everything.There is no cure to Fibro but it can make our > symptoms stay level withuot so may flares. Best of luck finding > what

yuo need to do to manage your fibro. hugs heidi> > > I read just about every new idea, suggestion and 'cure' for fm.> > Some seem ridiculous and others seem doable. I have tried many.> > Some work for a short time or not at all.> > Sometimes I feel like I am jumping through hoops, on one foot while > > rubbing my head (if you get my drift).> > Currently I am on a gluten free diet and lactose free cheese and > > milk. Most of my gut issues are resolved but not all.> > I was considering trying the Water Cure diet mentioned in Dom's > > newsletter. I can do parts of it easily but there is always > something > > I must sacrifice. So I gave up pizza, breads and all there is with > > gluten, which is quite a bit. > > There are foods on the forbidden list for the Water Cure, one being > > coffee. Now yesterday I was reading

acidic vs alkaline foods and > > coffee is acidic unless you buy organic shade grown coffee. So > would > > that be acceptable on the Water Cure diet?> > One of my co-worksers told me to stop reading.> > Cos I have some symptoms of MS, some of Lupus, some thyroid, some > > Celiac and so on. I have only been dxed with FM and that was by a > > pain management dr, 3 years ago. He did an extensive exam including > > pressure on the tender points. > > Currently the dr I see is fm aware and that means he accepts fm > > exists. His knowledge consists of info I fax to him.> > I take allergy meds and nexium. Over the counter pains meds when > > needed, pain gels or patches, moist heat and many vitamins.> > I keep looking for that magic cure. Why is it as fmers we have to > > watch everything we eat? Normal people dont. > > ok>

> i guess that is it.> >> Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all

with Mobile. Try it now.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Miriam,

You do what you need to to get you well, sounds like you have the lions share of the work, its about time your husband had a reality check and looked after the kids while you get better.

sounds pretty amazing, you are right, I think some of our kids are really sensitive to other feelings, while other kids might keep that to themselves ours get it out there, open and honest.

Hand in your daughters homework with what she has done after 40mins, otherwise the school won't take in that you are struggling with this, I think quality family time is more important than homework, don't over whelm your nights with this hard work when you could be playing and enjoying your kids.

I have the flip side of this my son is at school, I work fulltime and his dad is a house husband he does the daytime, dressed, school etc, when I get home I do dinner and home work then we all play a couple of games together or watch a film. Having done the housewife part for yrs I never underestimate the effort my husband has put in to get things done, as we all know there are good days and bad. lol

Hope you get better soon.

Lor B

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Frustrated (vent) Date: Tuesday, 10 November, 2009, 3:58

My husband works late. I've been sick for about 10 days. I was nearly over the flu at the 1 week point. Then the cough got much worse suddenly and my fever went back up. Secondary bacterial infection. Antibiotics. Coughing horribly all the time. Still feverish even though I've been on antibiotics a couple of days. Husband comes home late, plops down and watches TV.Daughter takes 3 hours to do 40 minutes worth of homework (according to the school it should only take 40). I can't work with both kids at the same time because my son makes noises and my daughter can't stand that and screams about it. I'm having trouble communicating because I cough when I talk. Son starts his homework after dinner. He has extra homework because he "refused" to do some of his work during school. Oh yeah, like I'm gonna make him do it? It's THE SCHOOL'S job. I will not be doing it any longer. GRRRR.Anyway, daughter was done homework in time to go to bed on

time. Needs bath. Takes too long in the bath and wants to spend some time with dad which means watching TV. Dad says, "I'll get her to bed in 5 minutes" 40 minutes later they're FINALLY going to bed.My son who is my aspie is TOTALLY amazing. I was talking to him about dad because my daughter said, "I don't feel like dad knows me". I asked if he thought dad knew him and he said, "About some things." I told him Rayleigh felt dad didn't know her and she didn't know him very well. I told him I was afraid to say anything to dad because he would get annoyed with me. , my AMAZING aspie 12 year old said, "Do you want me to talk to him?" I said, "You don't have to but you can if you want to." So he said, "Dad, I overheard Rayleigh say she doesn't think you know her very well. Well, that's what mom told me." Dad is feeling quite bad about this but I'm glad he heard it from and he isn't being nasty about it. If I brought it up to him he'd be

shrieking at me. I don't want to feel he has to take responsibility for talking to his dad, but he's so GOOD at it. A few days ago when I was really sick I said something to Mark and he got angry with me for no particular reason. He's stressed because I'm sick and I'm not doing ANYTHING. I need to get well and I expend ridiculous amounts of energy on the homework in the evenings. Anyway, said, "Mom, I think it's really sad that being sick has to come between two people in a relationship. " WOW, he's just SOOO getting it these days I'm just floored. I told him he should tell that to dad, too. He did. Amazing brave boy. He is aptly named. which means Leader of Men or Defender of Mankind in Greek. Anyone who says aspie people don't have empathy is full of CRAP. It's possible for them to learn to deal with social things and now he's coaching his dad on social things in a way that dad can get. I'm kind of torn about it because I

don't want to feel he HAS to do this. It's just that coming from me pretty much EVERYTHING makes dad angry unless it's high praise. I'm so weary. I think I'll go check myself into the hospital until this bronchial crap gets well. Then we'll see how much he knows the kids. Rayleigh said, "It would be horrible here without you and with just dad." Sheesh, I hope I survive until the kids can take care of themselves. The thought of not being there for them rips me to shreds. I wish I could get over this stupid BUG!I hate word problems in math. I hate sensory integration dysfunction. I hate dealing with my daughter's issues without an IEP. I hate "flu like" viruses!!!!Sorry, I'm venting. I'm glad you guys are here.Hugs,Miriam

[Guest guest]

I wish my husband would do my job for a day or two. He'd have the house

spotless and the kids would be miserable. He wrote a letter to my daughter's

teacher about Rayleigh being tired and her taking a night off from homework.

It's a nice sentiment and a good idea, but he seems to have zero clue that she'd

have been in bed on time if he'd done what he said he was going to do.

He thinks I'm " lazy " and " lacadaisical " . The day he used the word lacadaisical

I was so angry but instead of blowing up I started singing the word in an

operatic voice which made me and the kids laugh. OMG, Lazy is the LAST thing I

am. I'm not much for doing housework, but taking care of the kids...that's what

I'm good at. Getting them out, getting them to appointments teaching them

social skills, keeping up with their homework and consulting teachers and

counselors and occupational therapists. On top of this I'm the social coach for

my husband when office politics upsets him. He has NO idea what this takes out

of me. If he doesn't see tangible evidence of work happening then nothing has

been done. Black and white thinking.

Miriam

>

>

> From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...>

> Subject: ( ) Frustrated (vent)

>

> Date: Tuesday, 10 November, 2009, 3:58

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> My husband works late. I've been sick for about 10 days. I was nearly over the

flu at the 1 week point. Then the cough got much worse suddenly and my fever

went back up. Secondary bacterial infection. Antibiotics. Coughing horribly all

the time. Still feverish even though I've been on antibiotics a couple of days.

Husband comes home late, plops down and watches TV.

>

> Daughter takes 3 hours to do 40 minutes worth of homework (according to the

school it should only take 40). I can't work with both kids at the same time

because my son makes noises and my daughter can't stand that and screams about

it. I'm having trouble communicating because I cough when I talk. Son starts his

homework after dinner. He has extra homework because he " refused " to do some of

his work during school. Oh yeah, like I'm gonna make him do it? It's THE

SCHOOL'S job. I will not be doing it any longer. GRRRR.

>

> Anyway, daughter was done homework in time to go to bed on time. Needs bath.

Takes too long in the bath and wants to spend some time with dad which means

watching TV. Dad says, " I'll get her to bed in 5 minutes " 40 minutes later

they're FINALLY going to bed.

>

> My son who is my aspie is TOTALLY amazing. I was talking to him about dad

because my daughter said, " I don't feel like dad knows me " . I asked if he

thought dad knew him and he said, " About some things. " I told him Rayleigh felt

dad didn't know her and she didn't know him very well. I told him I was afraid

to say anything to dad because he would get annoyed with me. , my AMAZING

aspie 12 year old said, " Do you want me to talk to him? " I said, " You don't have

to but you can if you want to. " So he said, " Dad, I overheard Rayleigh say she

doesn't think you know her very well. Well, that's what mom told me. " Dad is

feeling quite bad about this but I'm glad he heard it from and he isn't

being nasty about it. If I brought it up to him he'd be shrieking at me. I don't

want to feel he has to take responsibility for talking to his dad, but he's

so GOOD at it.

>

> A few days ago when I was really sick I said something to Mark and he got

angry with me for no particular reason. He's stressed because I'm sick and I'm

not doing ANYTHING. I need to get well and I expend ridiculous amounts of energy

on the homework in the evenings. Anyway, said, " Mom, I think it's really

sad that being sick has to come between two people in a relationship. " WOW,

he's just SOOO getting it these days I'm just floored. I told him he should tell

that to dad, too. He did. Amazing brave boy. He is aptly named. which

means Leader of Men or Defender of Mankind in Greek. Anyone who says aspie

people don't have empathy is full of CRAP. It's possible for them to learn to

deal with social things and now he's coaching his dad on social things in a way

that dad can get. I'm kind of torn about it because I don't want to feel he

HAS to do this. It's just that coming from me pretty much EVERYTHING makes dad

angry unless it's high

> praise. I'm so weary. I think I'll go check myself into the hospital until

this bronchial crap gets well. Then we'll see how much he knows the kids.

Rayleigh said, " It would be horrible here without you and with just dad. "

Sheesh, I hope I survive until the kids can take care of themselves. The thought

of not being there for them rips me to shreds. I wish I could get over this

stupid BUG!

>

> I hate word problems in math. I hate sensory integration dysfunction. I hate

dealing with my daughter's issues without an IEP. I hate " flu like " viruses!!!!

>

> Sorry, I'm venting. I'm glad you guys are here.

>

> Hugs,

>

> Miriam

>

[Guest guest]

Oh Miriam,,,,

Your post made me smile. I love your son!!!

PLEASE stick around until they're old enough......perfect line!!! And so true with so many of our households!!!

So,,,,did you stay home or go to the hospital for some R & R?

Hugs to you.

Robin

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...>Subject: ( ) Frustrated (vent) Date: Monday, November 9, 2009, 9:58 PM

My husband works late. I've been sick for about 10 days. I was nearly over the flu at the 1 week point. Then the cough got much worse suddenly and my fever went back up. Secondary bacterial infection. Antibiotics. Coughing horribly all the time. Still feverish even though I've been on antibiotics a couple of days. Husband comes home late, plops down and watches TV.Daughter takes 3 hours to do 40 minutes worth of homework (according to the school it should only take 40). I can't work with both kids at the same time because my son makes noises and my daughter can't stand that and screams about it. I'm having trouble communicating because I cough when I talk. Son starts his homework after dinner. He has extra homework because he "refused" to do some of his work during school. Oh yeah, like I'm gonna make him do it? It's THE SCHOOL'S job. I will not be doing it any longer. GRRRR..Anyway, daughter was done homework in time to go to bed on

time. Needs bath. Takes too long in the bath and wants to spend some time with dad which means watching TV. Dad says, "I'll get her to bed in 5 minutes" 40 minutes later they're FINALLY going to bed.My son who is my aspie is TOTALLY amazing. I was talking to him about dad because my daughter said, "I don't feel like dad knows me". I asked if he thought dad knew him and he said, "About some things." I told him Rayleigh felt dad didn't know her and she didn't know him very well. I told him I was afraid to say anything to dad because he would get annoyed with me. , my AMAZING aspie 12 year old said, "Do you want me to talk to him?" I said, "You don't have to but you can if you want to." So he said, "Dad, I overheard Rayleigh say she doesn't think you know her very well. Well, that's what mom told me.." Dad is feeling quite bad about this but I'm glad he heard it from and he isn't being nasty about it. If I brought it up to him he'd be

shrieking at me. I don't want to feel he has to take responsibility for talking to his dad, but he's so GOOD at it. A few days ago when I was really sick I said something to Mark and he got angry with me for no particular reason. He's stressed because I'm sick and I'm not doing ANYTHING. I need to get well and I expend ridiculous amounts of energy on the homework in the evenings. Anyway, said, "Mom, I think it's really sad that being sick has to come between two people in a relationship. " WOW, he's just SOOO getting it these days I'm just floored. I told him he should tell that to dad, too. He did. Amazing brave boy. He is aptly named. which means Leader of Men or Defender of Mankind in Greek. Anyone who says aspie people don't have empathy is full of CRAP. It's possible for them to learn to deal with social things and now he's coaching his dad on social things in a way that dad can get. I'm kind of torn about it because I

don't want to feel he HAS to do this. It's just that coming from me pretty much EVERYTHING makes dad angry unless it's high praise. I'm so weary.. I think I'll go check myself into the hospital until this bronchial crap gets well. Then we'll see how much he knows the kids. Rayleigh said, "It would be horrible here without you and with just dad." Sheesh, I hope I survive until the kids can take care of themselves. The thought of not being there for them rips me to shreds. I wish I could get over this stupid BUG!I hate word problems in math. I hate sensory integration dysfunction. I hate dealing with my daughter's issues without an IEP. I hate "flu like" viruses!!!!Sorry, I'm venting. I'm glad you guys are here.Hugs,Miriam

[Guest guest]

Miriam....

Your son sounds GREAT! Give him a hug!!! And, you seem to be doing pretty good...so take care of yourself first....let them figure things out.. it is a good learning experience for them. They are realizing how much they need you...ha ha! Get better soon!

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773 (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) Frustrated (vent) Date: Monday, November 9, 2009, 9:58 PM

My husband works late. I've been sick for about 10 days. I was nearly over the flu at the 1 week point. Then the cough got much worse suddenly and my fever went back up. Secondary bacterial infection. Antibiotics. Coughing horribly all the time. Still feverish even though I've been on antibiotics a couple of days. Husband comes home late, plops down and watches TV.Daughter takes 3 hours to do 40 minutes worth of homework (according to the school it should only take 40). I can't work with both kids at the same time because my son makes noises and my daughter can't stand that and screams about it. I'm having trouble communicating because I cough when I talk. Son starts his homework after dinner. He has extra homework because he "refused" to do some of his work during school. Oh yeah, like I'm gonna make him do it? It's THE SCHOOL'S job. I will not be doing it any longer. GRRRR..Anyway, daughter was done homework in time to go to bed on

time. Needs bath. Takes too long in the bath and wants to spend some time with dad which means watching TV. Dad says, "I'll get her to bed in 5 minutes" 40 minutes later they're FINALLY going to bed.My son who is my aspie is TOTALLY amazing. I was talking to him about dad because my daughter said, "I don't feel like dad knows me". I asked if he thought dad knew him and he said, "About some things." I told him Rayleigh felt dad didn't know her and she didn't know him very well. I told him I was afraid to say anything to dad because he would get annoyed with me. , my AMAZING aspie 12 year old said, "Do you want me to talk to him?" I said, "You don't have to but you can if you want to." So he said, "Dad, I overheard Rayleigh say she doesn't think you know her very well. Well, that's what mom told me.." Dad is feeling quite bad about this but I'm glad he heard it from and he isn't being nasty about it. If I brought it up to him he'd be

shrieking at me. I don't want to feel he has to take responsibility for talking to his dad, but he's so GOOD at it. A few days ago when I was really sick I said something to Mark and he got angry with me for no particular reason. He's stressed because I'm sick and I'm not doing ANYTHING. I need to get well and I expend ridiculous amounts of energy on the homework in the evenings. Anyway, said, "Mom, I think it's really sad that being sick has to come between two people in a relationship. " WOW, he's just SOOO getting it these days I'm just floored. I told him he should tell that to dad, too. He did. Amazing brave boy. He is aptly named. which means Leader of Men or Defender of Mankind in Greek. Anyone who says aspie people don't have empathy is full of CRAP. It's possible for them to learn to deal with social things and now he's coaching his dad on social things in a way that dad can get. I'm kind of torn about it because I

don't want to feel he HAS to do this. It's just that coming from me pretty much EVERYTHING makes dad angry unless it's high praise. I'm so weary.. I think I'll go check myself into the hospital until this bronchial crap gets well. Then we'll see how much he knows the kids. Rayleigh said, "It would be horrible here without you and with just dad." Sheesh, I hope I survive until the kids can take care of themselves. The thought of not being there for them rips me to shreds. I wish I could get over this stupid BUG!I hate word problems in math. I hate sensory integration dysfunction. I hate dealing with my daughter's issues without an IEP. I hate "flu like" viruses!!!!Sorry, I'm venting. I'm glad you guys are here.Hugs,Miriam

[Guest guest]

m,

may i first say that i appreciate your position.

i know my wife has a real hard time dealing with my daughetr (getting ready for

school, getting dressed, etc). in fact, until i camr to the ralization that

there was something wrong with my daughter, my wife and i were always at each

others throats and just about headed for divorce.

im going to play devils advocate here, so please dont take any of this to heart.

what your hubbby is going through is the " i cant protect my family from bad

things " issue.

as a husband i always want ot protect my family. i feel its my job to make sure

that nothing happens to them and they are cared for.

its just the male nature to protect and care for whateve he considers his.

now , having said that. after having a son (or daughter) with asperger, it

strikes the husband into asituation where " he is helpless " . he cannot always be

there to prevent issues for his child. and in turn starts to rely on the mom to

do it instead.

a male with a child that has any sort of dissability has a very hard time

adjusting to it.

He probabaly afraid that he cannot do the things with your son that he would

expect he would have been able to do.

it was very tough on me because a dad always wants to have a lttle daddys girl,

and with the lack (or over abundance) of emotion, i cant get that. so i did the

same thing to my daughter. i just sat like a lump.

maybe you can get your hubby to go to a support group of some sort, if you cant

find one with just asperger, then go to one with autism spectrum as the topic.

soon your husband will realize that it is almost typical to be completely out of

hand nad require so much watching otherwise they will make a total mess in

" minutes "

i would come home and see my home a mess and would rreact the same way. i thouht

my wife was a lazy slob.

then one day my wife went to a womens conference, and i realized what kind of

work it took.

trust me , when he walks a mile in your shoes, he will realize how much work it

all takes.

after i realized, i decided to help my wife each day after i came home. we would

" both " make our daughter clean up. and we would both help each other clean up.

it will take time, but once your husband realizes that your son is so much more

unique than a " non-aspie " child, he will learn to appreciate the fact that he

can do things on another level.

after all, one of the things my daughter " cant " do is LIE !

i tell people " hpw many parents woud give their right arm to have a child that

is always honest ? "

dont worry. it takes time, but it takes two. be patient. once your hubby comes

to the reality of it all, the " protect and care for " nature will kick in.

sorry for the long answer. i just wanted to cover both ends.

>

> My husband works late. I've been sick for about 10 days. I was nearly over

the flu at the 1 week point. Then the cough got much worse suddenly and my

fever went back up. Secondary bacterial infection. Antibiotics. Coughing

horribly all the time. Still feverish even though I've been on antibiotics a

couple of days. Husband comes home late, plops down and watches TV.

>

> Daughter takes 3 hours to do 40 minutes worth of homework (according to the

school it should only take 40). I can't work with both kids at the same time

because my son makes noises and my daughter can't stand that and screams about

it. I'm having trouble communicating because I cough when I talk. Son starts

his homework after dinner. He has extra homework because he " refused " to do

some of his work during school. Oh yeah, like I'm gonna make him do it? It's

THE SCHOOL'S job. I will not be doing it any longer. GRRRR.

>

> Anyway, daughter was done homework in time to go to bed on time. Needs bath.

Takes too long in the bath and wants to spend some time with dad which means

watching TV. Dad says, " I'll get her to bed in 5 minutes " 40 minutes later

they're FINALLY going to bed.

>

> My son who is my aspie is TOTALLY amazing. I was talking to him about dad

because my daughter said, " I don't feel like dad knows me " . I asked if he

thought dad knew him and he said, " About some things. " I told him Rayleigh felt

dad didn't know her and she didn't know him very well. I told him I was afraid

to say anything to dad because he would get annoyed with me. , my AMAZING

aspie 12 year old said, " Do you want me to talk to him? " I said, " You don't

have to but you can if you want to. " So he said, " Dad, I overheard Rayleigh say

she doesn't think you know her very well. Well, that's what mom told me. " Dad

is feeling quite bad about this but I'm glad he heard it from and he isn't

being nasty about it. If I brought it up to him he'd be shrieking at me. I

don't want to feel he has to take responsibility for talking to his dad,

but he's so GOOD at it.

>

> A few days ago when I was really sick I said something to Mark and he got

angry with me for no particular reason. He's stressed because I'm sick and I'm

not doing ANYTHING. I need to get well and I expend ridiculous amounts of

energy on the homework in the evenings. Anyway, said, " Mom, I think it's

really sad that being sick has to come between two people in a relationship. "

WOW, he's just SOOO getting it these days I'm just floored. I told him he

should tell that to dad, too. He did. Amazing brave boy. He is aptly named.

which means Leader of Men or Defender of Mankind in Greek. Anyone who

says aspie people don't have empathy is full of CRAP. It's possible for them to

learn to deal with social things and now he's coaching his dad on social things

in a way that dad can get. I'm kind of torn about it because I don't want

to feel he HAS to do this. It's just that coming from me pretty much EVERYTHING

makes dad angry unless it's high praise. I'm so weary. I think I'll go check

myself into the hospital until this bronchial crap gets well. Then we'll see

how much he knows the kids. Rayleigh said, " It would be horrible here without

you and with just dad. " Sheesh, I hope I survive until the kids can take care

of themselves. The thought of not being there for them rips me to shreds. I

wish I could get over this stupid BUG!

>

> I hate word problems in math. I hate sensory integration dysfunction. I hate

dealing with my daughter's issues without an IEP. I hate " flu like " viruses!!!!

>

> Sorry, I'm venting. I'm glad you guys are here.

>

> Hugs,

>

> Miriam

>

[Guest guest]

I stayed home. I'm feeling a bit better tonight. Went to a parent/teacher

conference/open house at 's school tonight. The language arts teacher

thinks is being a rebellious adolescent and giving some attitude. So not

sure what will happen with that. I think he's doing some ODD stuff because his

1:1 may be ordering him around too much.

I love my son, too, and I like him a whole lot as well. He's just so much fun

and he's so sweet when he feels he's being treated with kindness and respect.

He is much quicker to do things I ask of him than his sister is. So really with

me he's not being rebellious. He's definitely an adolescent.

One of his classmates told me, " is great. Everyone likes him. They don't

care if he's different! " Wow, I hope he's right. This kid is the nicest,

friendliest boy I've ever met. He wants to go into showbiz and be on broadway.

His mom used to be Rayleigh's bus driver. She quit to finish a degree and

become a US citizen. She's British. Anyway, her son is very sweet. He's SO

social and lives to entertain everyone. He made conferences a blast. He even

impersonated Professor Snape from Harry Potter doing the whole first Potions

Class monologue (bottle fame, brew glory, put a stopper in death). His mom

knows I like the actor who plays Snape, so he did the whole thing just for me.

Anyway, he apparently thinks is cool but he might just be saying that to

make ME feel good. LOL.

IS great, though, and anyone who doesn't think so is missing out on

something.

Thanks!

Miriam

>

>

> From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...>

> Subject: ( ) Frustrated (vent)

>

> Date: Monday, November 9, 2009, 9:58 PM

>

>

>  

>

>

>

> My husband works late. I've been sick for about 10 days. I was nearly over the

flu at the 1 week point. Then the cough got much worse suddenly and my fever

went back up. Secondary bacterial infection. Antibiotics. Coughing horribly all

the time. Still feverish even though I've been on antibiotics a couple of days.

Husband comes home late, plops down and watches TV.

>

> Daughter takes 3 hours to do 40 minutes worth of homework (according to the

school it should only take 40). I can't work with both kids at the same time

because my son makes noises and my daughter can't stand that and screams about

it. I'm having trouble communicating because I cough when I talk. Son starts his

homework after dinner. He has extra homework because he " refused " to do some of

his work during school. Oh yeah, like I'm gonna make him do it? It's THE

SCHOOL'S job. I will not be doing it any longer. GRRRR.

>

> Anyway, daughter was done homework in time to go to bed on time. Needs bath..

Takes too long in the bath and wants to spend some time with dad which means

watching TV. Dad says, " I'll get her to bed in 5 minutes " 40 minutes later

they're FINALLY going to bed.

>

> My son who is my aspie is TOTALLY amazing. I was talking to him about dad

because my daughter said, " I don't feel like dad knows me " . I asked if he

thought dad knew him and he said, " About some things. " I told him Rayleigh felt

dad didn't know her and she didn't know him very well. I told him I was afraid

to say anything to dad because he would get annoyed with me. , my AMAZING

aspie 12 year old said, " Do you want me to talk to him? " I said, " You don't have

to but you can if you want to. " So he said, " Dad, I overheard Rayleigh say she

doesn't think you know her very well. Well, that's what mom told me. " Dad is

feeling quite bad about this but I'm glad he heard it from and he isn't

being nasty about it. If I brought it up to him he'd be shrieking at me. I don't

want to feel he has to take responsibility for talking to his dad, but he's

so GOOD at it.

>

> A few days ago when I was really sick I said something to Mark and he got

angry with me for no particular reason. He's stressed because I'm sick and I'm

not doing ANYTHING. I need to get well and I expend ridiculous amounts of energy

on the homework in the evenings. Anyway, said, " Mom, I think it's really

sad that being sick has to come between two people in a relationship. " WOW,

he's just SOOO getting it these days I'm just floored. I told him he should tell

that to dad, too. He did. Amazing brave boy. He is aptly named. which

means Leader of Men or Defender of Mankind in Greek. Anyone who says aspie

people don't have empathy is full of CRAP. It's possible for them to learn to

deal with social things and now he's coaching his dad on social things in a way

that dad can get. I'm kind of torn about it because I don't want to feel he

HAS to do this. It's just that coming from me pretty much EVERYTHING makes dad

angry unless it's high

> praise. I'm so weary. I think I'll go check myself into the hospital until

this bronchial crap gets well. Then we'll see how much he knows the kids.

Rayleigh said, " It would be horrible here without you and with just dad. "

Sheesh, I hope I survive until the kids can take care of themselves. The thought

of not being there for them rips me to shreds. I wish I could get over this

stupid BUG!

>

> I hate word problems in math. I hate sensory integration dysfunction. I hate

dealing with my daughter's issues without an IEP. I hate " flu like " viruses!!!!

>

> Sorry, I'm venting. I'm glad you guys are here.

>

> Hugs,

>

> Miriam

>

[Guest guest]

lovl, when my husband was fulltime and I was part time, with a baby, his "proof" that the house work had been done was an empty washing basket, if there was still washing in the basket I obviously hadn't done anything.

Now that he does the house work the washing basket is always empty, but I make a fuss of polishing the house and cleaning the bathroom, he also thinks when you can close the door on something it must not need cleaned, so the fridge , microwave and oven are an issue! lol

I think he has realised now that I done a lot more than meets the eye, plus make appointments/ go to the park/ swimming etc, but it has taken the role reversal to make him see it.

I'm glad we had the chance to swap, now if we swap back he won't check the basket.

Lor B

From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Frustrated (vent) Date: Tuesday, 10 November, 2009, 15:29

I wish my husband would do my job for a day or two. He'd have the house spotless and the kids would be miserable. He wrote a letter to my daughter's teacher about Rayleigh being tired and her taking a night off from homework. It's a nice sentiment and a good idea, but he seems to have zero clue that she'd have been in bed on time if he'd done what he said he was going to do. He thinks I'm "lazy" and "lacadaisical" . The day he used the word lacadaisical I was so angry but instead of blowing up I started singing the word in an operatic voice which made me and the kids laugh. OMG, Lazy is the LAST thing I am. I'm not much for doing housework, but taking care of the kids...that' s what I'm good at. Getting them out, getting them to appointments teaching them social skills, keeping up with their homework and consulting teachers and counselors and occupational therapists. On top of this I'm the social coach for my husband when office politics

upsets him. He has NO idea what this takes out of me. If he doesn't see tangible evidence of work happening then nothing has been done. Black and white thinking.Miriam> > > From: mimasdprofile <callis4773@ ...>> Subject:

( ) Frustrated (vent)> > Date: Tuesday, 10 November, 2009, 3:58> > > Â > > > > My husband works late. I've been sick for about 10 days. I was nearly over the flu at the 1 week point. Then the cough got much worse suddenly and my fever went back up. Secondary bacterial infection. Antibiotics. Coughing horribly all the time. Still feverish even though I've been on antibiotics a couple of days. Husband comes home late, plops down and watches TV.> > Daughter takes 3 hours to do 40 minutes worth of homework (according to the school it should only take 40). I can't work with both kids at the same time because my son makes noises and my daughter can't

stand that and screams about it. I'm having trouble communicating because I cough when I talk. Son starts his homework after dinner. He has extra homework because he "refused" to do some of his work during school. Oh yeah, like I'm gonna make him do it? It's THE SCHOOL'S job. I will not be doing it any longer. GRRRR.> > Anyway, daughter was done homework in time to go to bed on time. Needs bath. Takes too long in the bath and wants to spend some time with dad which means watching TV. Dad says, "I'll get her to bed in 5 minutes" 40 minutes later they're FINALLY going to bed.> > My son who is my aspie is TOTALLY amazing. I was talking to him about dad because my daughter said, "I don't feel like dad knows me". I asked if he thought dad knew him and he said, "About some things." I told him Rayleigh felt dad didn't know her and she didn't know him very well. I told him I was afraid to say anything to dad because he would get

annoyed with me. , my AMAZING aspie 12 year old said, "Do you want me to talk to him?" I said, "You don't have to but you can if you want to." So he said, "Dad, I overheard Rayleigh say she doesn't think you know her very well. Well, that's what mom told me." Dad is feeling quite bad about this but I'm glad he heard it from and he isn't being nasty about it. If I brought it up to him he'd be shrieking at me. I don't want to feel he has to take responsibility for talking to his dad, but he's so GOOD at it. > > A few days ago when I was really sick I said something to Mark and he got angry with me for no particular reason. He's stressed because I'm sick and I'm not doing ANYTHING. I need to get well and I expend ridiculous amounts of energy on the homework in the evenings. Anyway, said, "Mom, I think it's really sad that being sick has to come between two people in a relationship. " WOW, he's just SOOO getting it these

days I'm just floored. I told him he should tell that to dad, too. He did. Amazing brave boy. He is aptly named. which means Leader of Men or Defender of Mankind in Greek. Anyone who says aspie people don't have empathy is full of CRAP. It's possible for them to learn to deal with social things and now he's coaching his dad on social things in a way that dad can get. I'm kind of torn about it because I don't want to feel he HAS to do this. It's just that coming from me pretty much EVERYTHING makes dad angry unless it's high> praise. I'm so weary. I think I'll go check myself into the hospital until this bronchial crap gets well. Then we'll see how much he knows the kids. Rayleigh said, "It would be horrible here without you and with just dad." Sheesh, I hope I survive until the kids can take care of themselves. The thought of not being there for them rips me to shreds. I wish I could get over this stupid BUG!> > I

hate word problems in math. I hate sensory integration dysfunction. I hate dealing with my daughter's issues without an IEP. I hate "flu like" viruses!!!!> > Sorry, I'm venting. I'm glad you guys are here.> > Hugs,> > Miriam>

[Guest guest]

Thanks. You make very good points. Not all of them apply to my husband but

some do.

My husband is actually better with my son who has asperger syndrome than he is

with anyone else. He does get stressed about providing for us so his job is a

big deal and I think he needs to see it as being more important than anything I

do. I wouldn't mind if he'd at least see that I'm not lazy and that I do care.

Anyway, he's great about going for counseling and that's a huge help. We each

see our own counselors AND we have a marriage counselor and it's been a great

thing for us. I still feel frustrated when his black and white thinking puts me

in the " never does anything ever " category.

Anyway, thanks for reading and caring enough to answer. I am open-minded about

any and all suggestions and you expressed this very well.

Miriam

>

> m,

> may i first say that i appreciate your position.

> i know my wife has a real hard time dealing with my daughetr (getting ready

for school, getting dressed, etc). in fact, until i camr to the ralization that

there was something wrong with my daughter, my wife and i were always at each

others throats and just about headed for divorce.

>

> im going to play devils advocate here, so please dont take any of this to

heart.

> what your hubbby is going through is the " i cant protect my family from bad

things " issue.

> as a husband i always want ot protect my family. i feel its my job to make

sure that nothing happens to them and they are cared for.

> its just the male nature to protect and care for whateve he considers his.

> now , having said that. after having a son (or daughter) with asperger, it

strikes the husband into asituation where " he is helpless " . he cannot always be

there to prevent issues for his child. and in turn starts to rely on the mom to

do it instead.

> a male with a child that has any sort of dissability has a very hard time

adjusting to it.

> He probabaly afraid that he cannot do the things with your son that he would

expect he would have been able to do.

> it was very tough on me because a dad always wants to have a lttle daddys

girl, and with the lack (or over abundance) of emotion, i cant get that. so i

did the same thing to my daughter. i just sat like a lump.

> maybe you can get your hubby to go to a support group of some sort, if you

cant find one with just asperger, then go to one with autism spectrum as the

topic.

> soon your husband will realize that it is almost typical to be completely out

of hand nad require so much watching otherwise they will make a total mess in

" minutes "

> i would come home and see my home a mess and would rreact the same way. i

thouht my wife was a lazy slob.

> then one day my wife went to a womens conference, and i realized what kind of

work it took.

> trust me , when he walks a mile in your shoes, he will realize how much work

it all takes.

> after i realized, i decided to help my wife each day after i came home. we

would " both " make our daughter clean up. and we would both help each other clean

up.

> it will take time, but once your husband realizes that your son is so much

more unique than a " non-aspie " child, he will learn to appreciate the fact that

he can do things on another level.

> after all, one of the things my daughter " cant " do is LIE !

> i tell people " hpw many parents woud give their right arm to have a child that

is always honest ? "

> dont worry. it takes time, but it takes two. be patient. once your hubby comes

to the reality of it all, the " protect and care for " nature will kick in.

> sorry for the long answer. i just wanted to cover both ends.

[Guest guest]

Re " never does anything

ever " category.

I have teased my husband about “usually

always…” and his use of it for years!!!

a

-----Original

Message-----

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of mimasdprofile

Sent: 11 November 2009 18:50

Subject: ( ) Re:

Frustrated (vent)

Thanks. You make very

good points. Not all of them apply to my husband but some do.

My husband is actually better with my son who has asperger syndrome than he is

with anyone else. He does get stressed about providing for us so his job is a

big deal and I think he needs to see it as being more important than anything I

do. I wouldn't mind if he'd at least see that I'm not lazy and that I do care.

Anyway, he's great about going for counseling and that's a huge help. We each

see our own counselors AND we have a marriage counselor and it's been a great

thing for us. I still feel frustrated when his black and white thinking puts me

in the " never does anything ever " category.

Anyway, thanks for reading and caring enough to answer. I am open-minded about

any and all suggestions and you expressed this very well.

Miriam

No virus found in this outgoing message.

Checked by AVG - www.avg.com

Version: 8.5.425 / Virus Database: 270.14.61/2497 - Release Date: 11/11/09 19:41:00

[Guest guest]

no problem.

remember, men are from mars, women are from venus.

men think with " black and whites " and women think in " hearts and rainbows " (for

the lack of a better term). well anyway, men think with logic, women think with

emotion.

i remember, when the wife and i were seeing our councelor he had us both agree

that if one of us said something to the other that really bothered them. instead

of responding (allowing a argument to start), we would instead, not react at all

and even make believe they didnt even hear the comment. basically signifying

that the comment wasnt even registered by the other because it was not based on

fact , but was based more on emotion and didnt count at all.

it gave either of us (that made the comment) the time to stop and think if the

comment was even needed or meant.

well, anyway, I do know what youre going through. it is very frustrating on both

ends.

it will take both of you on a unified front to get through day to day events.

im sure all comments are made out of frustartion, rather than reality.

> >

> > m,

> > may i first say that i appreciate your position.

> > i know my wife has a real hard time dealing with my daughetr (getting ready

for school, getting dressed, etc). in fact, until i camr to the ralization that

there was something wrong with my daughter, my wife and i were always at each

others throats and just about headed for divorce.

> >

> > im going to play devils advocate here, so please dont take any of this to

heart.

> > what your hubbby is going through is the " i cant protect my family from bad

things " issue.

> > as a husband i always want ot protect my family. i feel its my job to make

sure that nothing happens to them and they are cared for.

> > its just the male nature to protect and care for whateve he considers his.

> > now , having said that. after having a son (or daughter) with asperger, it

strikes the husband into asituation where " he is helpless " . he cannot always be

there to prevent issues for his child. and in turn starts to rely on the mom to

do it instead.

> > a male with a child that has any sort of dissability has a very hard time

adjusting to it.

> > He probabaly afraid that he cannot do the things with your son that he would

expect he would have been able to do.

> > it was very tough on me because a dad always wants to have a lttle daddys

girl, and with the lack (or over abundance) of emotion, i cant get that. so i

did the same thing to my daughter. i just sat like a lump.

> > maybe you can get your hubby to go to a support group of some sort, if you

cant find one with just asperger, then go to one with autism spectrum as the

topic.

> > soon your husband will realize that it is almost typical to be completely

out of hand nad require so much watching otherwise they will make a total mess

in " minutes "

> > i would come home and see my home a mess and would rreact the same way. i

thouht my wife was a lazy slob.

> > then one day my wife went to a womens conference, and i realized what kind

of work it took.

> > trust me , when he walks a mile in your shoes, he will realize how much work

it all takes.

> > after i realized, i decided to help my wife each day after i came home. we

would " both " make our daughter clean up. and we would both help each other clean

up.

> > it will take time, but once your husband realizes that your son is so much

more unique than a " non-aspie " child, he will learn to appreciate the fact that

he can do things on another level.

> > after all, one of the things my daughter " cant " do is LIE !

> > i tell people " hpw many parents woud give their right arm to have a child

that is always honest ? "

> > dont worry. it takes time, but it takes two. be patient. once your hubby

comes to the reality of it all, the " protect and care for " nature will kick in.

> > sorry for the long answer. i just wanted to cover both ends.

>

[Guest guest]

{{Miriam}} I hope by now you are feeling better! I got some kind of

bug the other day and it knocked me out for the last two days. I don't

think it was this swine flu because my fever stayed fairly low grade.

But I know how you feel as nothing gets done if I am not up doing it.

Dishes are all over the counters, no food in the fridge worth eating

and laundry...ugh, piles! Doesn't anyone know what the trash can looks

like? I get so frustrated sometimes even though the kids do help when

asked. It's just I am not there to coordinate the asking.

I would recommend that you set a time limit for homework for each of

the kids based on their age and grade level. Then stick to it. If you

have 20 min. for math - do math for 20 minutes. Set a timer. Then

stop. Work your way up to doing only evens or odds or every other

problem - whatever cuts the workload for you at home. Try to pick a

few problems to illustrate his/her ability to do that type of problem

and then give yourself permission to stop.

I used to do this to my oldest dd - my first child. She was having

problems at school (labeled " laziness " by them) and so I sat her down

and we spent hours doing homework every day. I regret this so much!!

Not only did it not help her learn, it propped her up enough so that

the school could delay identifying her as a child with an LD and it

caused her to learn to hate me for a while because I was not a mommy -

I was a task master. You need balance and they need balance. So I

encourage you to set up limits. If the school does not see a problem,

then that is because you are working double time to fix that and make

it work. That is what we do as parents! So you are doing the right

thing for the right reasons but it will not help in the end.

Request testing from the school in writing. Also, find a professional

in your area who can do testing if you can afford it or if your

insurance might cover it. With my oldest, I first went to her

pediatrician and I said, " I know she is smart enough but it just

doesn't sink in her brain! " He tested her and showed that she did have

a language processing disability. It took a few more YEARS of arguing

with the school to get them to say those same words! I was very green

as to how to deal with the schools and we didn't have the internet to

even learn about the laws back then. Anyway, give yourself a break!!

We expect so much from ourselves but we need to pat ourselves on the

back for what we do well. Give yourself those pats for putting up with

all that you do and while being sick as well!

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) Frustrated (vent)

My husband works late. I've been sick for about 10 days. I was nearly

over the flu at the 1 week point. Then the cough got much worse

suddenly and my fever went back up. Secondary bacterial infection.

Antibiotics. Coughing horribly all the time. Still feverish even

though I've been on antibiotics a couple of days. Husband comes home

late, plops down and watches TV.

Daughter takes 3 hours to do 40 minutes worth of homework (according to

the school it should only take 40). I can't work with both kids at the

same time because my son makes noises and my daughter can't stand that

and screams about it. I'm having trouble communicating because I cough

when I talk. Son starts his homework after dinner. He has extra

homework because he " refused " to do some of his work during school. Oh

yeah, like I'm gonna make him do it? It's THE SCHOOL'S job. I will

not be doing it any longer. GRRRR.

Anyway, daughter was done homework in time to go to bed on time. Needs

bath. Takes too long in the bath and wants to spend some time with dad

which means watching TV. Dad says, " I'll get her to bed in 5 minutes "

40 minutes later they're FINALLY going to bed.

My son who is my aspie is TOTALLY amazing. I was talking to him about

dad because my daughter said, " I don't feel like dad knows me " . I

asked if he thought dad knew him and he said, " About some things. "

I told him Rayleigh felt dad didn't know her and she didn't know him

very well. I told him I was afraid to say anything to dad because he

would get annoyed with me. , my AMAZING aspie 12 year old said,

" Do you want me to talk to him? " I said, " You don't have to but you

can if you want to. " So he said, " Dad, I overheard Rayleigh say she

doesn't think you know her very well. Well, that's what mom told me. "

Dad is feeling quite bad about this but I'm glad he heard it from

and he isn't being nasty about it. If I brought it up to him he'd be

shrieking at me. I don't want to feel he has to take

responsibility for talking to his dad, but he's so GOOD at it.

A few days ago when I was really sick I said something to Mark and he

got angry with me for no particular reason. He's stressed because I'm

sick and I'm not doing ANYTHING. I need to get well and I expend

ridiculous amounts of energy on the homework in the evenings. Anyway,

said, " Mom, I think it's really sad that being sick has to come

between two people in a relationship. " WOW, he's just SOOO getting it

these days I'm just floored. I told him he should tell that to dad,

too. He did. Amazing brave boy. He is aptly named. which

means Leader of Men or Defender of Mankind in Greek. Anyone who says

aspie people don't have empathy is full of CRAP. It's possible for

them to learn to deal with social things and now he's coaching his dad

on social things in a way that dad can get. I'm kind of torn about it

because I don't want to feel he HAS to do this. It's just that

coming from me pretty much EVERYTHING makes dad angry unless it's high

praise. I'm so weary. I think I'll go check myself into the hospital

until this bronchial crap gets well. Then we'll see how much he knows

the kids. Rayleigh said, " It would be horrible here without you and

with just dad. " Sheesh, I hope I survive until the kids can take care

of themselves. The thought of not being there for them rips me to

shreds. I wish I could get over this stupid BUG!

I hate word problems in math. I hate sensory integration dysfunction.

I hate dealing with my daughter's issues without an IEP. I hate " flu

like " viruses!!!!

Sorry, I'm venting. I'm glad you guys are here.

Hugs,

Miriam