Re: More Than One Word Phone Conversations

[Guest guest]

Just a thought I would like to share, you said your son does text on his phone, so try texting him. You might be surprised and get more discussion this way. It might also be a social issue. The social skills group my son attended also went over phone conversations, they OT's even set up an ice cream party. Each one of the kids had to call each other to arrange what each person would bring, hopefully at the next weeks social skills group the boys would have the ingredients in order to have an ice cream party, toppings, paper bowls and plastic spoons. If not well they would have to try again.

Good luck,

Dawn

[Guest guest]

I have a 17 year old daughter -- not AS or anything else and she doesn't talk to anyone either. On Feb 2, 2010, at 5:03 PM, azucarmama68@... wrote:

Just a thought I would like to share, you said your son does text on his phone, so try texting him. You might be surprised and get more discussion this way. It might also be a social issue. The social skills group my son attended also went over phone conversations, they OT's even set up an ice cream party. Each one of the kids had to call each other to arrange what each person would bring, hopefully at the next weeks social skills group the boys would have the ingredients in order to have an ice cream party, toppings, paper bowls and plastic spoons. If not well they would have to try again.

Good luck,

Dawn

[Guest guest]

I get more conversation texting my daughter than talking on the

phone most times, her grandparents pretty much gave up on her.

Unfortunate, but their problem not mine.

She's 21. We can text back and forth for awhile. LJ

>

> Just a thought I would like to share, you said your son does text on his

> phone, so try texting him. You might be surprised and get more discussion

> this way. It might also be a social issue. The social skills group my son

> attended also went over phone conversations, they OT's even set up an ice

cream

> party. Each one of the kids had to call each other to arrange what each

> person would bring, hopefully at the next weeks social skills group the boys

> would have the ingredients in order to have an ice cream party, toppings,

> paper bowls and plastic spoons. If not well they would have to try again.

>

> Good luck,

> Dawn

>

[Guest guest]

When someone calls for Dylan and I know they are expecting more than "hi, how are you," I make Dylan step away from his game, TV, book, whatever, and go into a room with no distractions so he can participate in the conversation. It seems to help. Maybe you could ask him to do that for you? If might help if next time you see him, you act out what you mean. Will his mom support you with this?

"Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one out."

From: marcontheroad <marcontheroad@...> Sent: Tue, February 2, 2010 1:54:36 PMSubject: ( ) More Than One Word Phone Conversations

Hi All,I have a 12 year old aspie son. It has been very educational reading all the posts for the last two weeks--knowing that I am not alone. I have a concern and would like some input.I am divorced Dad so I like to call once every evening. My son is usually multi-tasking (texting on the phone or playing chess online) and usually just gives me 1 word answers. Often the conversations have much dead silence. I can get one or two sentences on topics that interest him greatly such as the weather, Federer, or his fav sports teams. But then the convo dies. Occassionally, he will blurt something that he knows I am interested in like "Daddy, the Who at the halftime of the Super Bowl" but then the thread goes away quickly..and more silence on the phone. Its even worse with my extended family--his gf and uncle. They live out of town and when they call, the vent their frustration on me. They vent to me how come my son has to

multi-task when they call or cannot even do more than one word answers. Utlimately, they call my son less. It seems like a lose lose situation. I have to manage the expectations. Any help or advice?

[Guest guest]

Original Poster here..

I forgot to say that he does talk to his friends on the phone and sometimes

those convo's can last a half hour or so. Granted I am sure it is " peer " talk

and " gossip related " but it is not as like he does not know how to hold a

conversation at all.

If I were to send to his room to talk, he would resist and even be more silent

to facilitate the end of the phone call so he can go back to texting and playing

chess online.

The Mom probably would not support me on this--saying that she does not

recognize the problem. My father-in-law probably can have the longest

conversation with him but thats because he focuses completely on sports--and can

trade stats with him on his favorite sports team. I could do the same as he

roots for my alma mater.

But even when my Dad or my brother ask him how his basketball game is, he will

give one word answers--and this is just after he broke his career high in a

game.

I understand this could be a stage that I need to live with but I am not sure

what to say to my son or what to say to my extended family.

Marc

>

> When someone calls for Dylan and I know they are expecting more than  " hi,

how are you, " I make Dylan step away from his game, TV, book, whatever, and go

into a room with no distractions so he can participate in the conversation. 

It seems to help.  Maybe you could ask him to do that for you?  If might help

if next time you see him, you act out what you mean.  Will his mom support you

with this?

>  

>

>

> " Over-optimism is waiting for you ship to come in when you haven't sent one

out. "

>

>

>

>

> ________________________________

> From: marcontheroad <marcontheroad@...>

>

> Sent: Tue, February 2, 2010 1:54:36 PM

> Subject: ( ) More Than One Word Phone Conversations

>

>  

> Hi All,

>

> I have a 12 year old aspie son. It has been very educational reading all the

posts for the last two weeks--knowing that I am not alone. I have a concern and

would like some input.

>

> I am divorced Dad so I like to call once every evening. My son is usually

multi-tasking (texting on the phone or playing chess online) and usually just

gives me 1 word answers. Often the conversations have much dead silence. I can

get one or two sentences on topics that interest him greatly such as the

weather, Federer, or his fav sports teams. But then the convo dies.

Occassionally, he will blurt something that he knows I am interested in like

" Daddy, the Who at the halftime of the Super Bowl " but then the thread goes away

quickly..and more silence on the phone.

>

> Its even worse with my extended family--his gf and uncle. They live out of

town and when they call, the vent their frustration on me. They vent to me how

come my son has to multi-task when they call or cannot even do more than one

word answers. Utlimately, they call my son less. It seems like a lose lose

situation. I have to manage the expectations.

>

> Any help or advice?

>

[Guest guest]

Hi,

I don't have any advice as to how to "change" your son,,,,but you CAN let your family know that this is normal....for them.

My son is the same way. "Yep"....is the common answer.

Try not to take it so hard. Just keep asking him about a specific thing....like maybe the game he's playing with and when he does talk to you and ask you a question,,,enjoy it!

Lots of "typical" teens don't talk to their folks......yours will - so be happy. It's just that he's doing it in HIS way.

It really is simple. Just treat others kindly and with respect.

Robin

From: marcontheroad <marcontheroad@...>Subject: ( ) More Than One Word Phone Conversations Date: Tuesday, February 2, 2010, 1:54 PM

Hi All,I have a 12 year old aspie son. It has been very educational reading all the posts for the last two weeks--knowing that I am not alone. I have a concern and would like some input.I am divorced Dad so I like to call once every evening. My son is usually multi-tasking (texting on the phone or playing chess online) and usually just gives me 1 word answers. Often the conversations have much dead silence. I can get one or two sentences on topics that interest him greatly such as the weather, Federer, or his fav sports teams. But then the convo dies. Occassionally, he will blurt something that he knows I am interested in like "Daddy, the Who at the halftime of the Super Bowl" but then the thread goes away quickly..and more silence on the phone. Its even worse with my extended family--his gf and uncle. They live out of town and when they call, the vent their frustration on me. They vent to me how come my son has to

multi-task when they call or cannot even do more than one word answers. Utlimately, they call my son less. It seems like a lose lose situation. I have to manage the expectations. Any help or advice?

[Guest guest]

I have to chime in here. I come from a whole family of guys that don't like to

talk on the phone AT ALL. It may be problems finding a topic. I don't know how

many times I heard my grandparent's complain that my brothers and I don't call,

but we HATE talking on the phone. I can usually carry on a conversation with my

mom or my husband, but ask me to talk to my dad who also hates phones and you

might as well forget it. You could try texting or even messenger. My

hubby and I used messenger when we were dating (he hates phones too lol).

You can even play games while you text with each other and it is kinda fun. I

would say try to get around it and be creative. And remember he's a teenager.

I didn't like talking to my parents in person when I was that age. lol I

outgrew it.

>

> Just a thought I would like to share, you said your son does text on his

phone, so try texting him. You might be surprised and get more discussion this

way. It might also be a social issue. The social skills group my son attended

also went over phone conversations, they OT's even set up an ice cream party.

Each one of the kids had to call each other to arrange what each person would

bring, hopefully at the next weeks social skills group the boys would have the

ingredients in order to have an ice cream party, toppings, paper bowls and

plastic spoons. If not well they would have to try again.

>

> Good luck,

> Dawn

>

[Guest guest]

No real advice for you. But you are not alone. We have the same issue with my 15 yo. I've found that texting him is the best way to communicate when I am not actually in the same vicinity as him. Actually the stinker will text me from his bedroom sometimes like a goofball.I do find that if I get on a subject he is very interested in he will talk more but usually that is more when we are one on one. Otherwise I mainly get random sentences here and there.Hang in there and kudos to you for keeping in touch. GabiFrom: marcontheroad <marcontheroad@...> Sent: Tue, February 2, 2010 1:54:36 PMSubject: ( ) More Than One Word Phone Conversations

Hi All,

I have a 12 year old aspie son. It has been very educational reading all the posts for the last two weeks--knowing that I am not alone. I have a concern and would like some input.

I am divorced Dad so I like to call once every evening. My son is usually multi-tasking (texting on the phone or playing chess online) and usually just gives me 1 word answers. Often the conversations have much dead silence. I can get one or two sentences on topics that interest him greatly such as the weather, Federer, or his fav sports teams. But then the convo dies. Occassionally, he will blurt something that he knows I am interested in like "Daddy, the Who at the halftime of the Super Bowl" but then the thread goes away quickly..and more silence on the phone.

Its even worse with my extended family--his gf and uncle. They live out of town and when they call, the vent their frustration on me. They vent to me how come my son has to multi-task when they call or cannot even do more than one word answers. Utlimately, they call my son less. It seems like a lose lose situation. I have to manage the expectations.

Any help or advice?

[Guest guest]

have you thought about Facebook ?? You could get your whole family to blog there, and its a way for you to connect with him, without and "uncomfy silence".... plus, everyone can participate!

As far as calling nightly, that's so NEAT! I WISH my ex would have taken some interest in our kids, but he was out of sight/mind. I'm not sure how long you've been on your own, but do you make plans to get together? Then you'd have more dual focus and something to look forward to together. It is hard to find ways to connect with preteens over the phone. Maybe ask him who he's texting, and ask about his friends, how he's doing in chess... and challenge him to an online match through ... or ON the site he's playing (if possible).

--- On Tue, 2/2/10, marcontheroad <marcontheroad@...> wroteFrom: marcontheroad <marcontheroad@...>Subject: ( ) More Than One Word Phone Conversations Date: Tuesday, February 2, 2010, 1:54 PM

Hi All,I have a 12 year old aspie son. It has been very educational reading all the posts for the last two weeks--knowing that I am not alone. I have a concern and would like some input.I am divorced Dad so I like to call once every evening. My son is usually multi-tasking (texting on the phone or playing chess online) and usually just gives me 1 word answers. Often the conversations have much dead silence. I can get one or two sentences on topics that interest him greatly such as the weather, Federer, or his fav sports teams. But then the convo dies. Occassionally, he will blurt something that he knows I am interested in like "Daddy, the Who at the halftime of the Super Bowl" but then the thread goes away quickly..and more silence on the phone. Its even worse with my extended family--his gf and uncle. They live out of town and when they call, the vent their frustration on me. They vent

to me how come my son has to multi-task when they call or cannot even do more than one word answers. Utlimately, they call my son less. It seems like a lose lose situation. I have to manage the expectations. Any help or advice? ------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

The phone can be a tough one and there can be several reasons why

outside of the usual teen " I don't want to talk to my parents " thing.

I suspect for some, their auditory processing problems may cause them

to avoid the phone. If that is not a concern, you might try sharing

instead of quizzing when talking to him. You may not do that, but I

find as parents, we tend to quiz.... " What did you do? Did you like it?

What did you get on the test? " Then you might get one word answers

which is not that odd for teenagers anyway. It does sometimes help to

talk back and forth by sharing something about yourself related to the

topic like, " When I was in school, I really did poorly in that

subject.... " or " I was thinking about you today when it was your Math

class and hoping you did well on that geometry! " or whatever. If he

does not talk back and forth (conversationally) as a general rule, then

you might consult with a ST to work on that. Many kids with AS/HFA can

have a problem with conversing back and forth, taking turns, knowing

what to say. It can be a very difficult skill that they lack.

Just keep in touch with him even if he isn't talkative. Text him

through the day or evening. Email him. I have found that it is easy

to communicate with my kids and even friends by figuring out what their

" communication mode " is and doing it the way they like it best. My

oldest dd is a facebook addict. So I joined just to keep up with her.

My oldest ds texts but doesn't do the phone. My little brother likes

the phone but I don't, so we text and phone mix. Some prefer email,

some do instant message...etc. You get the idea. Find his favorite or

what is easiest for him and then try to use it.

Roxanna

" The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing. " E. Burke

( ) More Than One Word Phone Conversations

Hi All,

I have a 12 year old aspie son. It has been very educational reading

all the posts for the last two weeks--knowing that I am not alone. I

have a concern and would like some input.

I am divorced Dad so I like to call once every evening. My son is

usually multi-tasking (texting on the phone or playing chess online)

and usually just gives me 1 word answers. Often the conversations have

much dead silence. I can get one or two sentences on topics that

interest him greatly such as the weather, Federer, or his fav

sports teams. But then the convo dies. Occassionally, he will blurt

something that he knows I am interested in like " Daddy, the Who at the

halftime of the Super Bowl " but then the thread goes away quickly..and

more silence on the phone.

Its even worse with my extended family--his gf and uncle. They live out

of town and when they call, the vent their frustration on me. They vent

to me how come my son has to multi-task when they call or cannot even

do more than one word answers. Utlimately, they call my son less. It

seems like a lose lose situation. I have to manage the expectations.

Any help or advice?

[Guest guest]

I think Roxanna is right. My stepson is now living with his mom. When we try to talk to him on the phone we get very little interaction. It was the same way when he was in residential for 16 months. But when we chat on msn, he tells us all kinds of things, tries to joke, asks us questions, etc. He focuses better visually than auditorally.Sent from my iPhoneBlessings, DonnaOn Feb 5, 2010, at 7:42 PM, Roxanna <MadIdeas@...> wrote:

The phone can be a tough one and there can be several reasons why

outside of the usual teen "I don't want to talk to my parents" thing.

I suspect for some, their auditory processing problems may cause them

to avoid the phone. If that is not a concern, you might try sharing

instead of quizzing when talking to him. You may not do that, but I

find as parents, we tend to quiz...."What did you do? Did you like it?

What did you get on the test?" Then you might get one word answers

which is not that odd for teenagers anyway. It does sometimes help to

talk back and forth by sharing something about yourself related to the

topic like, "When I was in school, I really did poorly in that

subject...." or "I was thinking about you today when it was your Math

class and hoping you did well on that geometry!" or whatever. If he

does not talk back and forth (conversationally) as a general rule, then

you might consult with a ST to work on that. Many kids with AS/HFA can

have a problem with conversing back and forth, taking turns, knowing

what to say. It can be a very difficult skill that they lack.

Just keep in touch with him even if he isn't talkative. Text him

through the day or evening. Email him. I have found that it is easy

to communicate with my kids and even friends by figuring out what their

"communication mode" is and doing it the way they like it best. My

oldest dd is a facebook addict. So I joined just to keep up with her.

My oldest ds texts but doesn't do the phone. My little brother likes

the phone but I don't, so we text and phone mix. Some prefer email,

some do instant message...etc. You get the idea. Find his favorite or

what is easiest for him and then try to use it.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do

nothing." E. Burke

( ) More Than One Word Phone Conversations

Hi All,

I have a 12 year old aspie son. It has been very educational reading

all the posts for the last two weeks--knowing that I am not alone. I

have a concern and would like some input.

I am divorced Dad so I like to call once every evening. My son is

usually multi-tasking (texting on the phone or playing chess online)

and usually just gives me 1 word answers. Often the conversations have

much dead silence. I can get one or two sentences on topics that

interest him greatly such as the weather, Federer, or his fav

sports teams. But then the convo dies. Occassionally, he will blurt

something that he knows I am interested in like "Daddy, the Who at the

halftime of the Super Bowl" but then the thread goes away quickly..and

more silence on the phone.

Its even worse with my extended family--his gf and uncle. They live out

of town and when they call, the vent their frustration on me. They vent

to me how come my son has to multi-task when they call or cannot even

do more than one word answers. Utlimately, they call my son less. It

seems like a lose lose situation. I have to manage the expectations.

Any help or advice?

[Guest guest]

First of all, let me commend you on your continued involvement with your son and

concern. Don't bash me people, but as a parent who doesn't have a non-custodial

parent so involved, I take extra effort to appreciate those who do. My ex calls

the children once a month or so and rarely sees them. This has been a drastic

change from daily calls and weekly visitations. Thankfully my husband of 6.5

years is there to pick up the pieces - or attempt anyway!

Anyway, thank you for bringing this up. I thought it was just how Hunter and my

nephews are! As someone else suggested, Hunter likes the computer so we

communicate through Facebook, chat, etc. My parents do this with him as well.

Someone made great points about not asking questions, but making statements. It

is absolutely impossible for Hunter to be doing only one thing at a time, even

when sleeping he is moving! LOL I'm really looking forward to more insight on

this!

in SD

> > ( ) More Than One Word Phone Conversations

> >

> > Hi All,

> >

> > I have a 12 year old aspie son. It has been very educational reading

> > all the posts for the last two weeks--knowing that I am not alone. I

> > have a concern and would like some input.

> >

> > I am divorced Dad so I like to call once every evening. My son is

> > usually multi-tasking (texting on the phone or playing chess online)

> > and usually just gives me 1 word answers. Often the conversations have

> > much dead silence. I can get one or two sentences on topics that

> > interest him greatly such as the weather, Federer, or his fav

> > sports teams. But then the convo dies. Occassionally, he will blurt

> > something that he knows I am interested in like " Daddy, the Who at the

> > halftime of the Super Bowl " but then the thread goes away quickly..and

> > more silence on the phone.

> >

> > Its even worse with my extended family--his gf and uncle. They live

> > out

> > of town and when they call, the vent their frustration on me. They

> > vent

> > to me how come my son has to multi-task when they call or cannot even

> > do more than one word answers. Utlimately, they call my son less. It

> > seems like a lose lose situation. I have to manage the expectations.

> >

> > Any help or advice?

> >

> >

>