Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

[Guest guest]

I hope someone writes to you with a teenager my daughter is 11.

We have to prevent her from doing what she wants to do until

she does some of what we want her to do.

Unfortunately we have to lock her out of her room, and

lock up her toys and cables to TV and computer to get

her to cooperate. This is extreme. She is so obsessive with her

interests it is like the rest of the world doesn't matter.

I have the folks at Yale Conduct Center helping me to

shape desired behaviors without having to lock stuff up.

But she feels she is in charge and doesn't have to listen

to us. It seems unless we have a very set routine

she doesn't remeber from day to day the basic routine.

http://www.yale.edu/childconductclinic/

I know lots of people like collobrative problem solving and I am

sure that is what we have been doing all these years. We try to

gain cooperation rather than engage in power struggles.

And Dr. Greene wrote a book on the explosive child that documents

this method.

The problem for us with this method is it has not shaped the

behaviors we want, we want cooperation with school attendance,

basic hygiene, bedtime by 10pm up at 6:30am, limit TV so she gets out and

socializes during the day, and helps with cleaning

and caring for her many pets. We do not ask too much.

We also are trying to get her anxiety treated so she is

not so obessive and anxious. A lot of her oppositional

behavior is her being " inflexible " .

We have the hardest time with all these basic behaviors.

I feel I am wrestling a bear everyday. She is a 60lb peanut.

I hope the Yale folks can elp me figure out where I am

being " inconsistent " .

good luck,

Pam

-- In , Hall Melinda <mlndhall@...> wrote:

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> For the most part, we can deal with behaviors, but today I've had it.

brought his clothes down to wash. I had stuff in the washer that I've thrown

there because I'm in the midst of potty-training Zac. I am assuming it is an OCD

thing, because he doesn't want other people's " stuff " touching his, but he took

everything out of the washer and placed on top of the dryer. There were some

clean clothes on the dryer, and he put all the peed-on stuff on top of them. So

he could do his laundry. I came out and saw what he'd done and I got mad at him.

But he doesn't care. He could care less what he did. He just gets mad at me

being mad at him. Anytime we " push " him to do something, he gets defiant. He's

17. He needs to be out looking for a job-not sitting at home. The more we push

him to do it, the more he digs his heels in. And gets mad at us for wanting him

to do work!!!!

>

> I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets

it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. He doesn't see the

need to do it. If we tell him (which we have over and over and over and

over-nicely I might add), he doesn't care that it's not done, and the next time

comes along and he'll leave it again. I can't imagine what his own place would

look like if he had one. He doesn't clean up after himself or anything!

>

> I'm afraid he's going to end up being one of those people who have trash piled

all over their houses. (Clean House here we come!) I don't know how to get him

to do anything. And when we remind him of what he needs to do, he doesn't give a

flip. Just wants to do what he wants and that's it.

>

> Help!!!!!

>

> Melinda H

>

[Guest guest]

I would say focus on the positive and break things into small parts that he can

handle. Maturity comes later to people with AS. I know it is frustrating. It

is wonderful that he is doing his own laundry. I can't imagine my son doing it,

though I'm sure he'll get there. He's only 12. I find he is more cooperative

with helping out if I break things into smaller bits and help him with it.

Natural consequences might also really help. It's hard to orchestrate that,

however. The natural consequence of putting the pee covered stuff on top is

that you'll be angry and make him clean it up. It really helps to take yourself

out of the equation, however. Give him something he CAN do. " The next time you

want to do laundry and there are other things in the wash please put the

clothing you remove into this... " It won't be any more difficult for him to

place the things where you want him to rather than where you don't want him to.

I don't know if that makes sense. Anyway, if he does as you ask make sure you

let him know this is a good thing and that you are pleased. Focus on the

positive rather than the negative. Of course when you're frustrated it is much

harder to concentrate on positive but he really doesn't have the ability to see

the problems in his actions. It reminds me of when was about 6 years old

and hit a kid with his backpack to " have fun " . He couldn't understand why this

wasn't fun for the other kid. Of course they get better at it with age, but

there are still going to be areas in which they just don't get it or get why

anyone would be annoyed with their actions.

Miriam

>

>

> Hi all,

>

> For the most part, we can deal with behaviors, but today I've had it.

brought his clothes down to wash. I had stuff in the washer that I've thrown

there because I'm in the midst of potty-training Zac. I am assuming it is an OCD

thing, because he doesn't want other people's " stuff " touching his, but he took

everything out of the washer and placed on top of the dryer. There were some

clean clothes on the dryer, and he put all the peed-on stuff on top of them. So

he could do his laundry. I came out and saw what he'd done and I got mad at him.

But he doesn't care. He could care less what he did. He just gets mad at me

being mad at him. Anytime we " push " him to do something, he gets defiant. He's

17. He needs to be out looking for a job-not sitting at home. The more we push

him to do it, the more he digs his heels in. And gets mad at us for wanting him

to do work!!!!

>

> I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets

it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. He doesn't see the

need to do it. If we tell him (which we have over and over and over and

over-nicely I might add), he doesn't care that it's not done, and the next time

comes along and he'll leave it again. I can't imagine what his own place would

look like if he had one. He doesn't clean up after himself or anything!

>

> I'm afraid he's going to end up being one of those people who have trash piled

all over their houses. (Clean House here we come!) I don't know how to get him

to do anything. And when we remind him of what he needs to do, he doesn't give a

flip. Just wants to do what he wants and that's it.

>

> Help!!!!!

>

> Melinda H

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets

it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a

different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't

that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't

that they don't respond to consequences--but the consequences they see and

respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me

more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a " First " we do this,

" then " we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic

autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with

autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments

don't always " work " . This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths

and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments

relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that

includes more subtle things like " if " you do this, " this " will happen. Instead,

you say " first " do this, " then " you can do that. Like with the laundry, you

would say " first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an

hour. "

Also, there is " collaborative learning " . This is where you do things with him

and gradually fade the support as he gets " used " to doing things.

These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other

parents have to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son

to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if

you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to

expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated.

After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I

don't want to be unfair.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

Oh Melinda, how I can relate. My son is 16 and diagnosed with oppositional difiant disorder. The more we ask of him the less he will do and this includes his teachers. People don't understand. We have tried meds but he hides them or just plain refuses to take them. I don't have any good advice for you other than just to say I understand. Currently my child is in trouble with law enforcement because he doesn't think the law is for him or he can get away with anything. No matter what we have tried nothing seems to be working. Now it is in the courts hands. Right now for the next month until we go to court, he is not leaving our sight. I think they are they are not to be trusted-difiancy is almost harder to deal with than my child with aspergers because he is very manipulating and charming. It makes it very tough but my thoughts and prayers are with you and

everyday is a new day.Lori

From: Hall Melinda <mlndhall@...>Subject: ( ) How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?Aspergers Treatment Date: Friday, July 3, 2009, 11:18 AM

Hi all,For the most part, we can deal with behaviors, but today I've had it. brought his clothes down to wash. I had stuff in the washer that I've thrown there because I'm in the midst of potty-training Zac. I am assuming it is an OCD thing, because he doesn't want other people's "stuff" touching his, but he took everything out of the washer and placed on top of the dryer. There were some clean clothes on the dryer, and he put all the peed-on stuff on top of them. So he could do his laundry. I came out and saw what he'd done and I got mad at him. But he doesn't care. He could care less what he did. He just gets mad at me being mad at him. Anytime we "push" him to do something, he gets defiant. He's 17. He needs to be out looking for a job-not sitting at home. The more we push him to do it, the more he digs his heels in. And gets mad at us for wanting him to do work!!!!I am so livid about the laundry. He

takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. He doesn't see the need to do it. If we tell him (which we have over and over and over and over-nicely I might add), he doesn't care that it's not done, and the next time comes along and he'll leave it again. I can't imagine what his own place would look like if he had one. He doesn't clean up after himself or anything! I'm afraid he's going to end up being one of those people who have trash piled all over their houses. (Clean House here we come!) I don't know how to get him to do anything. And when we remind him of what he needs to do, he doesn't give a flip. Just wants to do what he wants and that's it.Help!!!!!Melinda H------------------------------------

[Guest guest]

Ruth, you expressed this so well. My son does not respond to punishment at all.

He gets so angry he can't even remember what he's angry about or what the

punishment is for. Or he just isn't bothered by some punishment. He responds

beautifully to positive words and hugs and rewards. The words seem to work

better than anything else.

We have a laminated first/then chart that a behavior specialist gave us. We

haven't used it much but it did get me in the habit of saying " first/then " . I

don't do it as much as I should, however. I need a first/then chart for myself.

I have ADD and I get all jumbled up about what needs to be done and in what

sequence. I still survive, however.

I have to be positive with my kids because if I become negative it just makes us

all miserable.

Miriam

> >

> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just

sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

>

> You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a

different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't

that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't

that they don't respond to consequences--but the consequences they see and

respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me

more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

>

> One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a " First " we do this,

" then " we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic

autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with

autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments

don't always " work " . This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths

and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments

relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that

includes more subtle things like " if " you do this, " this " will happen. Instead,

you say " first " do this, " then " you can do that. Like with the laundry, you

would say " first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an

hour. "

>

> Also, there is " collaborative learning " . This is where you do things with him

and gradually fade the support as he gets " used " to doing things.

>

> These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other

parents have to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son

to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if

you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to

expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated.

After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I

don't want to be unfair.

>

> Ruth

>

[Guest guest]

One thing to remember is that people with autism or AS are still people. They CAN not care about things like anyone else can not care about things. My teen kids do the same thing with the laundry for no other reason than it's in their way. The only difference between my NT dd and HFA ds is that the dd puts the clean clothes in a basket vs the HFA ds throws the clean clothes on top of the dryer. Sometimes the cause is not autism but teaching them to do it differently can be more difficult because of autism.

One thing I try to remember with laundry is to take it out of the dryer and try to leave the machines ready to go. It doesn't give them the chance to toss my clean laundry anywhere else.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

>

> I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences--but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour."

Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.

These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.

Ruth

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

A few years back I had a conversation with my sons Psychiatrist about what his

teachers perceved as a lack of conscience. In there perspective he just did not

seem to have any sense of guilt or concern when he did something hurtful.

Basically what the Psychiatrist told me is that kids can often put up an

emotional wall to protect themselves. He told me to imagine that I was always

doing things that were making people angry but that I didn't intend to upset

them I just wasn't thinking through the consequences. I would build up a wall

to protect myself from feeling bad about myself all the time. This would make

me seem uncaring to others but the alternative would be hating myself. (No

surprise many of our Aspies suffer from Anxiety).

I know that it doesn't change the frustration that you are feeling but I just

wanted to throw out another perspective. Your son may not really not give a

hoot he may just be putting up a protective wall around his emotions because he

keeps upsetting you.

Vickie

>

> >

>

> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just

sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

>

>

>

> You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a

different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't

that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't

that they don't respond to consequences--but the consequences they see and

respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me

more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

>

>

>

> One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a " First " we do this,

" then " we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic

autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with

autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments

don't always " work " . This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths

and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments

relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that

includes more subtle things like " if " you do this, " this " will happen. Instead,

you say " first " do this, " then " you can do that. Like with the laundry, you

would say " first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an

hour. "

>

>

>

> Also, there is " collaborative learning " . This is where you do things with him

and gradually fade the support as he gets " used " to doing things.

>

>

>

> These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other

parents have to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son

to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if

you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to

expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated.

After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I

don't want to be unfair.

>

>

>

> Ruth

>

[Guest guest]

My 20 yo ds does the same exact thing with the laundry. It does make me crazy when I walk into the laundry room and see wet clothes piled on the dryer. But he doesn't see it as doing something to tick me off. He just thinks he is solving a problem. He needs to use the machine, stuff is in the way, he moves it, he does his laundry, problem solved.

As for getting a job, he may be 17 yo but it doesn't mean he is ready to get a job. There is a process involved in getting a job as well. You don't just walk out the door and get handed a job, unfortunately. For someone with executive functioning problems, poor people skills, weak problem solving, how would he even know where to start?! He wouldn't! And could he manage the multiple tasks required for some jobs - like working in fast food or a job with a lot of problem solving involved? I had a friend who had a kid with AS. She felt he would respond to "tough love" and she would force him into things. Like, she would decide he would have to learn to grocery shop. So she dropped him off at the store with a list. Then she spent 3 weeks ranting and raving because he got the wrong things. It used to make me crazy to listen to it. She decided he should get a job and got him one as a waiter/bus boy in a restaurant. He lasted a whole week (I was surprised and impressed) because he has the worst people skills and in my opinion, is far more ODD than AS. But then we got to hear about how he failed in that. Same with driving. He should drive now, she decided. 3 driving programs later, he still couldn't pass the basic class, let alone a driving test. She makes herself crazy along the way, always deciding he should be something he's not.

When my ds was 17 yo, we put him to work for his dad in his dad's business. He did ok, it was not his favorite thing to do. He stopped working there after a while and hasn't had a job since. He has a really hard time dealing with people so it's hard to know what kind of job would fit. We could not put him at McD's or someplace like that. He just couldn't handle the pace involved. There are agencies out there who can help him with job skills and interviewing skills and shadowing at jobs - you'd have to dig them up and apply. Look into vocational rehab for your state. We applied months ago and are still waiting to hear if my ds qualifies for help. Meanwhile, we have him help out around the house with dishes and lawn care mostly. And he goes to school still. So that is a job in itself. Ultimately, it seems his job in life will revolve around computers. And that will fit him. He is more capable of dealing with people when it involves computers as well. He does a lot better with people and problem solving when it is about his strength - computers. So I don't push the part time job so much as the education so he can ultimately get the right kind of job where he can be successful. He almost got a part time IT job this summer but someone else got it instead. But it was a good experience. I helped him write up his resume and then he took that and improved it. He wrote a really great one, I was so impressed. But he had no idea how to start. Once I had the basic resume done, he was able to do it on his own and make it look really nice. If I had just said, "Write a resume" he would never have even started. With him, it's a matter of finding out what he needs help with because half the time, he can't tell us. So I just get started and pause along the way to see if he can take over yet.

I know it's hard but you have to put away your ideas for what he "should" be doing at his age and instead focus on his actual skills. What can he do, what does he need help with, what does he need to be taught?

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

Hi all,

For the most part, we can deal with behaviors, but today I've had it. brought his clothes down to wash. I had stuff in the washer that I've thrown there because I'm in the midst of potty-training Zac. I am assuming it is an OCD thing, because he doesn't want other people's "stuff" touching his, but he took everything out of the washer and placed on top of the dryer. There were some clean clothes on the dryer, and he put all the peed-on stuff on top of them. So he could do his laundry. I came out and saw what he'd done and I got mad at him. But he doesn't care. He could care less what he did. He just gets mad at me being mad at him. Anytime we "push" him to do something, he gets defiant. He's 17. He needs to be out looking for a job-not sitting at home. The more we push him to do it, the more he digs his heels in. And gets mad at us for wanting him to do work!!!!

I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. He doesn't see the need to do it. If we tell him (which we have over and over and over and over-nicely I might add), he doesn't care that it's not done, and the next time comes along and he'll leave it again. I can't imagine what his own place would look like if he had one. He doesn't clean up after himself or anything!

I'm afraid he's going to end up being one of those people who have trash piled all over their houses. (Clean House here we come!) I don't know how to get him to do anything. And when we remind him of what he needs to do, he doesn't give a flip. Just wants to do what he wants and that's it.

Help!!!!!

Melinda H

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

All really good points. I think too often in America especcially we are obsessed with what I call "the rule of 18", where we expect everyone to reach all these milestones by this exact time, ending with moving out of the house and being ready to live an adult life by the age of 18. For some kids out there it is just a crazy goal to attain. I remember even when I was 8 or 9 being a few years behind my peers (for example from a little later on, what middle schooler watches Winnie the Pooh? but they were some of my favorite movies.)

Thankfully by the time I reached high school my mom had realized I wasn't quite ready for the "young adult world" and mostly relaxed on me. I never had a summer job until I was 21 (and that was my only one throughout college, by no choice of my own.) I didn't start driving until the same year, and I would say my first year and a half behind the wheel is better then the average 16 year olds, one really minor accident (caused by someone pulling an illegal u-turn but not getting involved in the accident... the cop who came to the scene pulled the same illegal u-turn lol) and one speeding ticket (at a small town speed trap that has caught at least 3 other members of my family... suddenly goes from 35 down to 20 for no reason other then its "downtown"). My room has always been a mess, but with time I grew smart enough to make sure there was nothing moving around in it (wearing a hat that looks a lot like Megs...) :-p. And in most ways I am doing things quite well, even if a few years behind schedule.

I graduated with a decent GPA (around a 3.1) from a nice college. I stuck with student teaching as long as I could in the most anti-aspie school possible (yea... funny joke... put the white aspie in a inner-city Chicago school... 1 more month and I would have had it too!). I am about to start a decent paying teaching job here in Korea. So what I mean to say is even if he isn't doing what he "should be" doing, doesn't mean he will do it on down the road. Heck, here in Korea most kids don't leave the home until they get married (especcially the girls) so who cares if he is around home for a few extra years, world wide its pretty normal. And with that I will leave you with the immortal words of Cougar Mellonhead, "Growing up leads to growing old leads to dying, and dying to me don't sound like all that much fun", :-p.

From: MadIdeas@...Date: Mon, 6 Jul 2009 10:52:10 -0400Subject: Re: ( ) How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

My 20 yo ds does the same exact thing with the laundry. It does make me crazy when I walk into the laundry room and see wet clothes piled on the dryer. But he doesn't see it as doing something to tick me off. He just thinks he is solving a problem. He needs to use the machine, stuff is in the way, he moves it, he does his laundry, problem solved. As for getting a job, he may be 17 yo but it doesn't mean he is ready to get a job. There is a process involved in getting a job as well. You don't just walk out the door and get handed a job, unfortunately. For someone with executive functioning problems, poor people skills, weak problem solving, how would he even know where to start?! He wouldn't! And could he manage the multiple tasks required for some jobs - like working in fast food or a job with a lot of problem solving involved? I had a friend who had a kid with AS. She felt he would respond to "tough love" and she would force him into things. Like, she would decide he would have to learn to grocery shop. So she dropped him off at the store with a list. Then she spent 3 weeks ranting and raving because he got the wrong things. It used to make me crazy to listen to it. She decided he should get a job and got him one as a waiter/bus boy in a restaurant. He lasted a whole week (I was surprised and impressed) because he has the worst people skills and in my opinion, is far more ODD than AS. But then we got to hear about how he failed in that. Same with driving. He should drive now, she decided. 3 driving programs later, he still couldn't pass the basic class, let alone a driving test. She makes herself crazy along the way, always deciding he should be something he's not. When my ds was 17 yo, we put him to work for his dad in his dad's business. He did ok, it was not his favorite thing to do. He stopped working there after a while and hasn't had a job since. He has a really hard time dealing with people so it's hard to know what kind of job would fit. We could not put him at McD's or someplace like that. He just couldn't handle the pace involved. There are agencies out there who can help him with job skills and interviewing skills and shadowing at jobs - you'd have to dig them up and apply. Look into vocational rehab for your state. We applied months ago and are still waiting to hear if my ds qualifies for help. Meanwhile, we have him help out around the house with dishes and lawn care mostly. And he goes to school still. So that is a job in itself. Ultimately, it seems his job in life will revolve around computers. And that will fit him. He is more capable of dealing with people when it involves computers as well. He does a lot better with people and problem solving when it is about his strength - computers. So I don't push the part time job so much as the education so he can ultimately get the right kind of job where he can be successful. He almost got a part time IT job this summer but someone else got it instead. But it was a good experience. I helped him write up his resume and then he took that and improved it. He wrote a really great one, I was so impressed. But he had no idea how to start. Once I had the basic resume done, he was able to do it on his own and make it look really nice. If I had just said, "Write a resume" he would never have even started. With him, it's a matter of finding out what he needs help with because half the time, he can't tell us. So I just get started and pause along the way to see if he can take over yet. I know it's hard but you have to put away your ideas for what he "should" be doing at his age and instead focus on his actual skills. What can he do, what does he need help with, what does he need to be taught?

Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

Hi all,For the most part, we can deal with behaviors, but today I've had it. brought his clothes down to wash. I had stuff in the washer that I've thrown there because I'm in the midst of potty-training Zac. I am assuming it is an OCD thing, because he doesn't want other people's "stuff" touching his, but he took everything out of the washer and placed on top of the dryer. There were some clean clothes on the dryer, and he put all the peed-on stuff on top of them. So he could do his laundry. I came out and saw what he'd done and I got mad at him. But he doesn't care. He could care less what he did. He just gets mad at me being mad at him. Anytime we "push" him to do something, he gets defiant. He's 17. He needs to be out looking for a job-not sitting at home. The more we push him to do it, the more he digs his heels in. And gets mad at us for wanting him to do work!!!!I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. He doesn't see the need to do it. If we tell him (which we have over and over and over and over-nicely I might add), he doesn't care that it's not done, and the next time comes along and he'll leave it again. I can't imagine what his own place would look like if he had one. He doesn't clean up after himself or anything! I'm afraid he's going to end up being one of those people who have trash piled all over their houses. (Clean House here we come!) I don't know how to get him to do anything. And when we remind him of what he needs to do, he doesn't give a flip. Just wants to do what he wants and that's it.Help!!!!!Melinda H

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

Insert movie times and more without leaving Hotmail®. See how.

[Guest guest]

This job processes came at a great time...DS, 25, is home from Job Corps on

Summer break and is job hunting. And reading this made me realize that he IS

working hard towards that end. But it just absolutely exhausts me! He has to

have help with every little thing, and not once, but every time. I am very proud

today though, he is actually cold-calling about a dozen places to see if they

are hiring. That is hard for even an outgoing person. 'Course, he may not

remember to get a name or a number, but at least he's doing something. He's had

three interviews so far last week. And one job offer that he accepted on the

spot! And then when we got home and discussed it, he ended up having to turn it

down. Twenty five miles away, only part time, no cooking involved (he has

trained for culinary) and no chance of ever cooking...so he's still looking.

Any job suggestions, appreciated!

Sue

> As for getting a job, he may be 17 yo but it doesn't mean he is ready to get a

job.? There is a process involved in getting a job as well.? You don't just walk

out the door and get handed a job, unfortunately.? For someone with executive

functioning problems, poor people skills, weak problem solving, how would he

even know where to start?!? He wouldn't!? And could he manage the multiple tasks

required for some jobs - like working in fast food or a job with a lot of

problem solving involved??

[Guest guest]

Yes...I see this too. We have to try and put ourselves in their place ...see things as they do. For instance, my son is afraid of a lot of things....lately when we go to Camelbeach...his friend and the two girls go up on the chairlift. My son says it is stupid and doesn't want to go....he gets mad that his friend goes and leaves him...he just doens't see it ...but the real thing is that deep down I think he is afraid of the chairlift so that is why he doesn't go and he won't tell them he is afraid. So, he gets mad....and pouts like a 2 year old. His TSS is trying to work with him on this. I told my son it is his choice not to go and that he can not expect his friends to give up something they want to do. I also told him it was his choice to pout...he could of told them that he would be at the wave pool and to meet him there. I

told him it was his choice to be miserable and have a rotten time. His TSS also said to him....it isn't so much about the ride (which my son said was stupid) it is about socializing...and also about sacrifice...doing things others want to do not jut what you want to do.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1@...>Subject: ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot? Date: Monday, July 6, 2009, 10:27 AM

A few years back I had a conversation with my sons Psychiatrist about what his teachers perceved as a lack of conscience. In there perspective he just did not seem to have any sense of guilt or concern when he did something hurtful. Basically what the Psychiatrist told me is that kids can often put up an emotional wall to protect themselves. He told me to imagine that I was always doing things that were making people angry but that I didn't intend to upset them I just wasn't thinking through the consequences. I would build up a wall to protect myself from feeling bad about myself all the time. This would make me seem uncaring to others but the alternative would be hating myself. (No surprise many of our Aspies suffer from Anxiety).I know that it doesn't change the frustration that you are feeling but I just wanted to throw out another perspective. Your son may not really not give a hoot he may just be putting up a protective wall around his

emotions because he keeps upsetting you.Vickie> > >> > > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. > > > > You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more

able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.> > > > One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour." > > > > Also, there is "collaborative

learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.> > > > These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.> > > > Ruth>

[Guest guest]

Well...at least your kids are trying to do laundry....ha ha...my son just drops everything everywhere....so I am constantly after him to pick up his clothes and put them in the laundry basket....I can't imagine him doing laundry.

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot? Date: Monday, July 6, 2009, 9:02 AM

One thing to remember is that people with autism or AS are still people. They CAN not care about things like anyone else can not care about things. My teen kids do the same thing with the laundry for no other reason than it's in their way. The only difference between my NT dd and HFA ds is that the dd puts the clean clothes in a basket vs the HFA ds throws the clean clothes on top of the dryer. Sometimes the cause is not autism but teaching them to do it differently can be more difficult because of autism. One thing I try to remember with laundry is to take it out of the dryer and try to leave the machines ready to go. It doesn't give them the chance to toss my clean laundry anywhere else.

Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

>> I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do

this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour." Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have

to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.Ruth

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

How is the job hunt going so far? I really am disappointed that the job corps people do not have job prospects for these kids already. Maybe I am expecting too much? It just seems silly to spend the time and money to train someone in a skill but not help them get a job to make use of it.???

My ds didn't get the summer job so we were all disappointed.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

This job processes came at a great time...DS, 25, is home from Job Corps on Summer break and is job hunting. And reading this made me realize that he IS working hard towards that end. But it just absolutely exhausts me! He has to have help with every little thing, and not once, but every time. I am very proud today though, he is actually cold-calling about a dozen places to see if they are hiring. That is hard for even an outgoing person. 'Course, he may not remember to get a name or a number, but at least he's doing something. He's had three interviews so far last week. And one job offer that he accepted on the spot! And then when we got home and discussed it, he ended up having to turn it down. Twenty five miles away, only part time, no cooking involved (he has trained for culinary) and no chance of ever cooking...so he's still looking.

Any job suggestions, appreciated!

Sue

> As for getting a job, he may be 17 yo but it doesn't mean he is ready to get a job.? There is a process involved in getting a job as well.? You don't just walk out the door and get handed a job, unfortunately.? For someone with executive functioning problems, poor people skills, weak problem solving, how would he even know where to start?!? He wouldn't!? And could he manage the multiple tasks required for some jobs - like working in fast food or a job with a lot of problem solving involved??

An Excellent Credit Score is 750. See Yours in Just 2 Easy Steps!

[Guest guest]

lol, Jan. There ya go. One person's achievement is another person's wish. lol. My 12 yo ds (hfa) also drops his clothes wherever. He doesn't like wearing clothes in the house either. And of course, once he takes a shirt off and tosses it on the floor, and then later needs to get a shirt on, he has to get a clean shirt out. Of course! ugh.! Then he will say, "I don't have any clean clothes" as if I am just a lazy mother who doesn't do the laundry often enough.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

>

> I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do

this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour."

Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.

These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have

to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.

Ruth

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

Dell Deals: Treat yourself to a sweet deal on popular laptops!

[Guest guest]

My son likes to be naked also. We had to make a rule that when he is out of the

bedroom he must have at least underwear on or he would be walking around without

a stitch of clothing all day long. My son the naturalist

Vickie

> >

> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just

sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

>

> You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a

different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't

that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't

that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and

respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me

more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

>

> One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a " First " we do

> this, " then " we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in

classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues,

kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and

punishments don't always " work " . This varies somewhat depending on your child's

strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and

punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from

that--that includes more subtle things like " if " you do this, " this " will

happen. Instead, you say " first " do this, " then " you can do that. Like with the

laundry, you would say " first put the laundry away, then you can have the

computer for an hour. "

>

> Also, there is " collaborative learning " . This is where you do things with him

and gradually fade the support as he gets " used " to doing things.

>

> These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other

parents have

> to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point

where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a

disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child

to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that

would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be

unfair.

>

> Ruth

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

>

[Guest guest]

My Aspie son, 11yo, has always like to be in just underwear. He runs around in his "tighty-whiteys" all day. WHen he gets home the clothes immediately come off. It can be 20 degrees outside (which in South Texas is SUPER cold for us) and he's in his underwear. That's what feels comfortable to him, I guess. We all just accept it.

When he was in kindergarten, his teacher told the class to sit on the floor and get comfortable. SOOOOOO, he took off his shoes. She punished him for that....in the subsequent conference (b/c I was NOT AT ALL happy about her punishing him for doing EXACTLY what she said) I told her that she was lucky he kept his pants on! LMAO.

But she was a *itch, not just for that, but for many other reasons as well. But that's another post......

S

________________________________From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1@...> Sent: Wednesday, July 22, 2009 9:52:36 AMSubject: ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot? My son likes to be naked also. We had to make a rule that when he is out of the bedroom he must have at least underwear on or he would be walking around without a stitch of clothing all day long. My son the naturalist :)Vickie> >> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. > > You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and

respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.> > One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do> this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour."

> > Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.> > These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have> to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.> > Ruth> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!>

[Guest guest]

Hi,It is so funny, last year my girl did not want to wear panties. I was so busy and stress out for her health deterioration that wearing no panties, even though was upsetting to me it was the last think to worry about...Then suddenly she got to be hospitalized, the nurse that admitted her asked me how come she was not wearing panties and nagged at me...Oh well, at that time I did not have a clue of aspergers, of autism, etc, so I blamed myself and told her that I rushed her to the hospital without panties because I was too nerves...Now every morning before she goes out I try to make sure she wears panties.Guess what happened yesterday...I forgot to check if she had taking her nightgown off before wearing a dress. At the OT office I noticed that her nightgown was showing under her dress...I hope they do not blame me too for that, but How can check for everything when it is hard for me to take her out of the house for appointments?At this time sometimes I wonder if the doctors think that I am crazy too...lol... ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?My son likes to be naked also. We had to make a rule that when he is out of the bedroom he must have at least underwear on or he would be walking around without a stitch of clothing all day long. My son the naturalist :)Vickie> >> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. > > You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.> > One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do> this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour." > > Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.> > These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have> to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.> > Ruth> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!>

[Guest guest]

Try to do the best you can.......maybe you could just let her wear pants...I knew of this little girl who would not wear underwear....her mom made her wear pants with her dresses ....do worry about what others say....just keep trying to get her to wear them ...but don't push her....hopefully she will ...

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: tfitzge134@... <tfitzge134@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot? Date: Wednesday, July 22, 2009, 11:49 AM

Hi,It is so funny, last year my girl did not want to wear panties. I was so busy and stress out for her health deterioration that wearing no panties, even though was upsetting to me it was the last think to worry about...Then suddenly she got to be hospitalized, the nurse that admitted her asked me how come she was not wearing panties and nagged at me...Oh well, at that time I did not have a clue of aspergers, of autism, etc, so I blamed myself and told her that I rushed her to the hospital without panties because I was too nerves...Now every morning before she goes out I try to make sure she wears panties.Guess what happened yesterday...I forgot to check if she had taking her nightgown off before wearing a dress. At the OT office I noticed that her nightgown was showing under her dress...I hope they do not blame me too for that, but How can

check for everything when it is hard for me to take her out of the house for appointments?At this time sometimes I wonder if the doctors think that I am crazy too...lol... ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?My son likes to be naked also. We had to make a rule that when he is out of the bedroom he must have at least underwear on or he would be walking around without a stitch of clothing all day long. My son the naturalist :)Vickie> >> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone

who comes along to care for it. > > You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.> > One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do> this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some

kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour." > > Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.> > These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have> to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that

would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.> > Ruth> > > > > > > > > > > > > > > A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!>

[Guest guest]

How old is your ds? Mine is 12 yo and he did finally hit puberty and feel the need to wear pants or shorts at all times. But he used to be a naturalist too, and he does not wear a shirt in the house still. Oddly enough(ha ha), my own father is the same way. He hates wearing shirts and takes them off whenever he can.

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

My son likes to be naked also. We had to make a rule that when he is out of the bedroom he must have at least underwear on or he would be walking around without a stitch of clothing all day long. My son the naturalist

Vickie

> >

> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

>

> You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

>

> One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do

> this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour."

>

> Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.

>

> These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have

> to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.

>

> Ruth

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

>

A bad credit score is 600 below. Checking won't affect your score. See now!

[Guest guest]

LOL! Wearing her nightie under her clothes! How funny! Well, if they say something to you, just be honest and say, "She does things like this all the time. I try to monitor it but I don't always catch everything." You are only human, after all!

Roxanna

"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

Re: ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

Hi,

It is so funny, last year my girl did not want to wear panties. I was so busy and stress out for her health deterioration that wearing no panties, even though was upsetting to me it was the last think to worry about...

Then suddenly she got to be hospitalized, the nurse that admitted her asked me how come she was not wearing panties and nagged at me...

Oh well, at that time I did not have a clue of aspergers, of autism, etc, so I blamed myself and told her that I rushed her to the hospital without panties because I was too nerves...

Now every morning before she goes out I try to make sure she wears panties.

Guess what happened yesterday...

I forgot to check if she had taking her nightgown off before wearing a dress. At the OT office I noticed that her nightgown was showing under her dress...

I hope they do not blame me too for that, but How can check for everything when it is hard for me to take her out of the house for appointments?

At this time sometimes I wonder if the doctors think that I am crazy too...lol...

( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

My son likes to be naked also. We had to make a rule that when he is out of the bedroom he must have at least underwear on or he would be walking around without a stitch of clothing all day long. My son the naturalist

Vickie

> >

> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

>

> You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't th

at they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

>

> One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do

> this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour."

>

> Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.

>

> These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have

> to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.

>

> Ruth

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

>

A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

[Guest guest]

He is almost 11. He has been pretty good about having at least the underwear

on. If other people are at the house he will put shorts or pants on. He still

sleeps naked.

>

> > >

>

> > > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just

sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it.

>

> >

>

> > You know, people aren't just talking when they say people with autism have a

different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't

that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't

that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and

respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me

more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.

>

> >

>

> > One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a " First " we do

>

> > this, " then " we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in

classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues,

kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and

punishments don't always " work " . This varies somewhat depending on your child's

strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and

punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay away from

that--that includes more subtle things like " if " you do this, " this " will

happen. Instead, you say " first " do this, " then " you can do that. Like with the

laundry, you would say " first put the laundry away, then you can have the

computer for an hour. "

>

> >

>

> > Also, there is " collaborative learning " . This is where you do things with

him and gradually fade the support as he gets " used " to doing things.

>

> >

>

> > These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what

other parents have

>

> > to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the

point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you

have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my

child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all,

that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be

unfair.

>

> >

>

> > Ruth

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> >

>

> > A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!

>

> >

>

[Guest guest]

Oh my son is right smack in puberty....his whole body is changing..OMG....he is so tall now, hairy legs, voice cracking...etc. etc. I don't know if I like this stage. LOL.

When my son was little...he liked to run around as we would say "nakey". But since he is now changing...he is very very private...

Now, I got new worried...I opened the den door one day and there he was with his shorts and underwear down...he quickly started pulling them up and made some excuse...oh no...here we go...I hope I manage....My little boy is thinking about sexual things....I don't think I like this.................................................

Jan

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: Roxanna <MadIdeas@...>Subject: Re: ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot? Date: Sunday, July 26, 2009, 8:22 PM

How old is your ds? Mine is 12 yo and he did finally hit puberty and feel the need to wear pants or shorts at all times. But he used to be a naturalist too, and he does not wear a shirt in the house still. Oddly enough(ha ha), my own father is the same way. He hates wearing shirts and takes them off whenever he can.

Roxanna"The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men to do nothing." E. Burke

( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot?

My son likes to be naked also. We had to make a rule that when he is out of the bedroom he must have at least underwear on or he would be walking around without a stitch of clothing all day long. My son the naturalist :)Vickie> >> > I am so livid about the laundry. He takes the stuff in the dryer and just sets it on the couch for anyone who comes along to care for it. > > You know, people aren't just talking when they

say people with autism have a different world view. They really do see things differently than us. It isn't that they don't care about things--they care about DIFFERENT things. It isn't that they don't respond to consequences- -but the consequences they see and respond to are DIFFERENT. I try to take this into perspective, and it makes me more able to accept my son for who he is instead of all the judgmental-ness.> > One way I've been able to deal with this stuff is in a "First" we do> this, "then" we do that. First Then is actually an intervention buzzword in classic autism. Because of sequencing problems and other neurological issues, kids with autism don't learn from experience very well. Typical rewards and punishments don't always "work". This varies somewhat depending on your child's strengths and weaknesses. I hear of some kids on the lists who do rewards and punishments relatively normal. But for the others, you have to stay

away from that--that includes more subtle things like "if" you do this, "this" will happen. Instead, you say "first" do this, "then" you can do that. Like with the laundry, you would say "first put the laundry away, then you can have the computer for an hour." > > Also, there is "collaborative learning". This is where you do things with him and gradually fade the support as he gets "used" to doing things.> > These things may seem like a lot of work, and they are compared to what other parents have> to do. But they do work. To me, it is worth if I can get my son to the point where he can live independently successfully. The way I see it, if you have a disabled child, this is just part of the package. I try not to expect my child to do things the normal way, so then I don't get so frustrated. After all, that would not be very fair to my child. And I love my child! I don't want to be unfair.> > Ruth>

> > > > > > > > > > > > > > A Good Credit Score is 700 or Above. See yours in just 2 easy steps!>

A bad credit score is 600 below. Checking won't affect your score. See now!

[Guest guest]

>

> Now, I got new worried...I opened the den door one day and there he was with

his shorts and underwear down...he quickly started pulling them up and made some

excuse...oh no...here we go...I hope I manage....My little boy is thinking about

sexual things....I don't think I like

this.................................................

Jan, masturbation is NORMAL. For heaven's sake, give him his privacy LOL.

[Guest guest]

Okay Okay...I know it is normal to masturbate...but I am not prepared for it yet...my baby is no longer a baby. And, I do give him privacy...but it was the den! I will have to tell him to go to his bathroom or bedroom....LOL!

Janice Rushen

"I will try to be open to all avenues of wisdom and hope"

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: ( ) Re: How do you discipline someone when they don't give a hoot? Date: Saturday, August 1, 2009, 9:25 AM

>> Now, I got new worried...I opened the den door one day and there he was with his shorts and underwear down...he quickly started pulling them up and made some excuse...oh no...here we go...I hope I manage....My little boy is thinking about sexual things....I don't think I like this........ ......... ......... ......... ......... .....Jan, masturbation is NORMAL. For heaven's sake, give him his privacy LOL.