Re: Frustration/Cindy

[Guest guest]

,

your story is funny! It reminded me of a story about myself!! When I was about 4 or 5, I got in trouble during church. My mother sat right up front with us kids and so she dragged me out of church, right down the center aisle and I managed to scream all the way, "Don't spank me, Don't spank me!" Of course, I got a spanking, too. lol.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

RE: ( ) Frustration

– I don’t really have any advice but just support and to let you know it will get better. And, I think you did the right thing. You didn’t say how old your son is but I assume he is probably under 8 if you were able to “carry” him out. I had to laugh when I read this story as it reminded me of a similar experience with my son (believe me I couldn’t laugh about it then). When my son was 6½ we (my older son who was almost 17, Tyler, and I) were driving from Houston to Oklahoma for Thanksgiving. We stopped for lunch at a Cracker Barrel restaurant. For those of you who are not familiar with this restaurant, you enter into a “general store” which you have to walk thru to get to the restaurant. It is full of toys and candy among other things. Tyler started asking for candy while we were waiting for a table and continued to ask and ask and ask. I told him that if he ate his lunch he could have some. Well, he continued to “fixate” on this for the entire meal and NOT eat; I continued to remind him he had to eat his lunch in order to get some candy. Finally, after 45 minutes of this and my older son and I being almost done eating, I told him he was not getting any candy as he had eaten nothing. Well, as many of you all can imagine, he did not take this well and with an ear-splitting scream picked up his knife and threw it on the table across from us. Thankfully, the couple who had been sitting there had just gotten up and so no one was at that table (Cracker Barrel has very heavy silverware!) I was furious and my poor older son was mortified and even though he continued to eat looked like he wanted to crawl under the table. I stood up and calmly leaned down into Tyler’s face and with my teeth clenched and my hand holding his arm said, “You and I are leaving this restaurant now and you will come with me and you will not yell!” My tone and the look on my face told him I was not kidding and he went with me though he kept repeating over and over, “Please don’t spank me, please don’t spank me, please don’t spank me.” Of course, he did get spanked when we got to the car. Once he calmed down I told him we were going back in (I had to pay and retrieve my other son) and he was not going to get candy and he would be good. Luckily, he was compliant. And, he did not get any candy. At this time, we only had an ADHD diagnosis; we got an Aspergers diagnosis when he was 15. Knowing what I know now, I probably would have handled it differently – for one thing I probably would have recognized the fact that this restaurant would not be a good choice as the entrance was a minefield to a child with Aspergers who easily became fixated etc. Keep your chin up and know you handled it appropriately and I promise it does get better.

From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of smaddexSent: Monday, September 01, 2008 10:37 AM Subject: ( ) Frustration

Hi all. This is the first time I have posted. But I am so defeatedright now. Just when you think you have made two steps forward, youtake three back. Our son is a bright and intelligent boy, but geezcan he be disagreeable! We were the proud parents of a major meltdown at the Science Centeryesterday, had to carry him out of the building, out to the car. It isjust so mortifying in public you know...the stares, theexplanations..I just hate it all. It makes me so sad.We set the boundaries--he pushed, we asked him to chose and thedefiance started. He responds--I am getting it all. We try quietreasoning, we remind him of the limits set, he doesn't care. He getsthis look on his face as if his personality changes right in front ofour eyes. Finally, have what seemed like an eternity of this, I putthe hammer down. Inform him he will get nothing because he can'tfollow the agreed upon guidelines and the meltdown is in full tiltwhirlie at that point. Wrenching the items out of his hands, I pick him up, offeringapologies on the way out. The one redeeming moment is when I havepulled the car around and a random parent comes to me andcongratulates us for not caving into his fit. I thank him for theencouragement and wish him a good afternoon.How do you all recover from these incidents? How do you handle thepower struggle in public? How do you move on and still get out inpublic? Any suggestions, guidance would be appreciated. As myhusband pointed out--it's hard when it is a support group of two. Weare so tired of struggling.... We start TSS on Thursday--took all summer to secure it, do we relatethis to her and the BSC? God, I just don't know what to do.Thanks for listening.

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