Re: Re:I don't want to be cured (my son about 'cure autism now')

[Guest guest]

.

So sorry.

Change is so hard..........for all, ya know?

Does the school work with you, for the most part?

Robin

From: Hunter <lamhunter@...>Subject: ( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now') Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 9:41 AM

I think this might be the first time I have responded to this group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago.

I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to his IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to fight with the school to revert back to original IEP written. They reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has happened to him.

He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other sometimes just to get through the day. HunterAvon - Independent Sales Representativewww.youravon. com/lhunter0615

[Guest guest]

Oh, , your child sounds like my ANDREW; you are NOT alone. We are not rich but I hired a tutor to

help him catch up; school failed him about 5th-8th grade, and last year, 8th grade, I homeschooled him Oct. 18-end of year.

This year, we have him back at school, we, too, moved (to a new district mainly---and bought our 'dream home' so won't be

ever moving again unless something major were to happen---plan to stay HERE forever)........anyway, he goes to school until lunch.

Has all the main subjects at school.

Anyway, the tutor, I hired her privately, and she was a school teacher, on full-disability due to roller skating accident with

her 6th graders, so now tutors for money and part-time. Anyway, it was cheaper than an agency, and she rocks and rocked the

planet earth. WE ARE GREAT FRIENDS NOW, and she caught him up in the two subjects he greatly struggles in MATH AND READING.

Anyway, there IS hope, but perhaps a tutor; make sure to get a real teacher, and privately is always cheaper, if you can find someone.

had a teacher he LOVED in 6th grade, I called her, and April, our tutor, is her very best friend. His favorite teacher was not able to

do it because she opened a business with her husband but she told me someone that could and that was great because she KNEW

already, so that really helped (her best friend did not / his tutor, but at least she was able to talk to her to find out about him, etc.). When

I started home schooling him, she was the bomb, and both of them team taught him at first while we fought the school; then realized I would

HAVE to do it and tutoring 2 hours a week was the only way.

Right now, he does not HAVE a tutor, and things are going great, but if and when we need to, April will be called upon again; I LOVE HER and so

does he!!! Anyway, we are doing partial day, and it is great. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE an IEP!!!! Good luck, and hang in there.

Ruthie Dolezal

From: lamhunter@...Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2008 07:41:20 -0700Subject: ( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now')

I think this might be the first time I have responded to this group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago.

I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to his IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to fight with the school to revert back to original IEP written. They reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has happened to him.

He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other sometimes just to get through the day. HunterAvon - Independent Sales Representativewww.youravon.com/lhunter0615

[Guest guest]

Hi , I'm so sorry that your son is not happy in school or doesn't feel good about himself. would it help if you speak to the guidance councilor and ask if she/he can get an older child to tutor your son to help him catch up. (sometimes kids can learn faster from other kids) ? Sometimes a college student would be a great help and also be like a big buddy for your son. after tutoring, they can do something interesting together. maybe a movie or something your son likes. transition from one school to another is hard - and kids can be so mean !. for any child changing schools can be hard and harder for our kids. You also mentioned that you haven't spoke much to him about his aspergers. But what if you were to talk to him about his disability with aspergers and what it means, and also about his learning disability. While I had this talk with my son (in 2nd grade,

and a private therapist to help explain this to him and support him ) I also included that he has a disability with the ability to learn. He just learns different and that's why he needs these extra classes for the help. > resource rm, tutors, etc.. That explains all the pull outs from class and all those doctors appointments. Now with my son, Him knowing -everything- helped lots. he understands why he has so many tutors, resource room and not everyone does, social skill classes etc... I'm wondering if that will help your son and maybe be an answer for him as to why he's ' different' as far as being pulled out for services and his friends aren't. also, letting him know that's OK just like someone else might need extra help with something that your son is good at. If your son can draw very well - someone else might not. (that's just an example) I don't know what he's

good at. But, IMO, I feel it best that our children know about their disabilities and they can have an understanding to why they need so much help. Also, that it's best to get this help now..With my son, I know about his weak area's and work on them. but the things that he's good at - like science and history or building something, I tell him how good he is with that and try to get him into more things that relate to it. (like at home depot, they sometimes have a work shop for kids to buid something) this helps his self esteem because he knows he's good at these. HUGS to you and your son Rose Hunter <lamhunter@...> wrote: I think this might be the first time I have responded to this group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago. I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to his IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to fight with the school to revert back to original IEP

written. They reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has happened to him. He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other sometimes just to get through the day. HunterAvon - Independent Sales Representativewww.youravon.com/lhunter0615

[Guest guest]

HI Ruthie, I was reading all these post on this topic and I was so happy for you and !!!!!!!!!!!!! That really made my day reading your post .... I'm so excited for you both .... doesn't it feel great - like a HUGH relief when something works for us.... Good for you ! HUGS RoseBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123@...> wrote: Oh, , your child sounds like my ANDREW; you are NOT alone. We are not rich but I hired a tutor tohelp him catch up;

school failed him about 5th-8th grade, and last year, 8th grade, I homeschooled him Oct. 18-end of year.This year, we have him back at school, we, too, moved (to a new district mainly---and bought our 'dream home' so won't beever moving again unless something major were to happen---plan to stay HERE forever)........anyway, he goes to school until lunch.Has all the main subjects at school. Anyway, the tutor, I hired her privately, and she was a school teacher, on full-disability due to roller skating accident withher 6th graders, so now tutors for money and part-time. Anyway, it was cheaper than an agency, and she rocks and rocked theplanet earth. WE ARE GREAT FRIENDS NOW, and she caught him up in the two subjects he greatly struggles in MATH AND READING.Anyway, there IS hope, but perhaps a tutor; make sure to get a real teacher, and privately is always cheaper, if you can find someone. had a

teacher he LOVED in 6th grade, I called her, and April, our tutor, is her very best friend. His favorite teacher was not able todo it because she opened a business with her husband but she told me someone that could and that was great because she KNEW already, so that really helped (her best friend did not / his tutor, but at least she was able to talk to her to find out about him, etc.). WhenI started home schooling him, she was the bomb, and both of them team taught him at first while we fought the school; then realized I wouldHAVE to do it and tutoring 2 hours a week was the only way. Right now, he does not HAVE a tutor, and things are going great, but if and when we need to, April will be called upon again; I LOVE HER and sodoes he!!! Anyway, we are doing partial day, and it is great. WE DON'T EVEN HAVE an IEP!!!! Good luck, and hang in there. Ruthie Dolezal From: lamhunter Date: Tue, 9 Sep 2008 07:41:20 -0700Subject: ( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now') I think this might be the first time I have responded to this group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago. I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to his

IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to fight with the school to revert back to original IEP written. They reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has happened to him. He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other sometimes just to get through the day. HunterAvon - Independent Sales Representativewww.youravon.com/lhunter0615

[Guest guest]

Roxanna knows all the appropriate "lingo" but bottom line is no, you don't have to sign an IEP that you disagree with. Again, I don't know how to explain all the steps to you but I know Roxanna and others do and will respond to you.From: lamhunter <lamhunter@...>Subject: ( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now') Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 3:27 PM

Now that is a difficult question to answer. For the past three weeks

I have trying to get this mess that the case manager made fixed.

Quite honestly I feel like have gotten no where. It seems to me that

it is not his education we talk about it is what schedule works for

them.

I do have one question, does a parent have to agree and sign an IEP

that was written????

>

> From: Hunter <lamhunter@. ..>

> Subject: ( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son

about 'cure autism now')

>

> Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 9:41 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I think this might be the first time I have responded to this

group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago.

>

> I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been

there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great

job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about

him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very

difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change

schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to

his IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to

fight with the school to revert back to original IEP written. They

reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with

is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the

resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not

with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has

happened to him.

>

> He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th

level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his

peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks

for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other

sometimes just to get through the day.

>

> Hunter

> Avon - Independent Sales Representative

> www.youravon. com/lhunter0615

>

[Guest guest]

She can't make changes to the IEP without having a meeting to discuss it with the whole team. Was this an IEP that you brought from another school? Then she made changes that she felt fit her school better?

I am assuming you talked with her directly and told her you didn't agree with these changes and she wouldn't change it back? If so, I would put in writing that this was done, that you do not agree with these changes and that these changes were made without your knowledge or consent. You can write it very nicely but put the facts. Request a meeting asap to discuss the situation.

I would insist to work off the original IEP and not off her "newly written IEP" because she can't make those changes without your consent/signing off on it. I mean, if you didn't have a meeting to discuss those changes with the whole IEP team, you could have initialed those changes to show you agreed to them. But since you didn't (right?) then I would tell them the "newly written proposed IEP" is not valid. Then you can discuss with the team the changes she wanted to make and why or why not they are appropriate to your child. she may not have realized what his needs were or why things were written as they were. But people cannot just make changes without any discussion like that. If that were so, wow! Schools would just forge ahead doing whatever and we parents would have no idea.

Write a letter, nice but firm, and send it the head of the sped department. You can CC copies to the sped teacher as well so she knows what is happening. give them the benefit of the doubt - that they made a mistake and that they want to fix it. But don't back down!

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now')

I think this might be the first time I have responded to this group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago.

I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to his IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to fight with the school to revert back to original IEP written. They reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has happened to him.

He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other sometimes just to get through the day. HunterAvon - Independent Sales Representativewww.youravon.com/lhunter0615

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.6.19/1662 - Release Date: 9/9/2008 10:47 AM

[Guest guest]

You don't have to sign an IEP that was written without your participation or consent. Sometimes you can sign one but sign with protest. You could sign and write clearly across, "I did not participate in writing this IEP. I do not agree with the changes being made."

But really, I would not want to aknowledge the newly revised IEP myself. So I wouldn't sign it. I would instead write a letter detailing what happened and request a meeting to discuss making changes, as should have been done to begin with. Then I would work off the original IEP at that meeting. Always have a "paper trail" of what is happening. Write follow up letters as soon as you can for good things and bad things! Document what is happening. You might need proof down the road that they are not playing by the rules.

Sometimes they do get hung up on their scheduling. I've been a victim of that kind of meeting before too. The truth is, miracles can happen with schedules. You just have to be persistent at it. Always try to focus on your child's needs and focus those at the meetings on his needs. So if they are all saying, "We don't have a science class for him because he has to be in certain classes..blah blah blah" I would interrupt and say, "Let's focus on what needs here. He needs (list his needs)...and now, how will we meet these needs?" Also try to get people to think outside the box. You know, if he has an extra class period per day, can he get tutoring during that time?

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now')> > Date: Tuesday, September 9, 2008, 9:41 AM> > > > > > > > > > > > I think this might be the first time I have responded to this group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago. > > I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to his IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to fight with the school to revert back to original IEP written. They reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has happened to him. > > He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other sometimes just to get through the day.> > Hunter> Avon - Independent Sales Representative> www.youravon. com/lhunter0615>

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[Guest guest]

Roxanna-----remember telling me that the school 'can't do this and that' in response to me a long time ago,

but they are, that is why I was writing..........and you were right??? Well, I think that is part of it here.....

the school often does as they please. We never helped right 504 accommodations---the school told us how they would be

and never did put what our lawyer or us felt was needed!!!! So, it was pointless---to have done what was needed would

have meant that he needed an IEP but they just changed those little plans all the stinking time, and they were pointless.

They still are, so I just thought I would add that they may not, legally speaking, be allowed to but they do it!! And, are!

Ruthie

From: madideas@...Date: Wed, 10 Sep 2008 08:30:40 -0400Subject: Re: ( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now')

She can't make changes to the IEP without having a meeting to discuss it with the whole team. Was this an IEP that you brought from another school? Then she made changes that she felt fit her school better?

I am assuming you talked with her directly and told her you didn't agree with these changes and she wouldn't change it back? If so, I would put in writing that this was done, that you do not agree with these changes and that these changes were made without your knowledge or consent. You can write it very nicely but put the facts. Request a meeting asap to discuss the situation.

I would insist to work off the original IEP and not off her "newly written IEP" because she can't make those changes without your consent/signing off on it. I mean, if you didn't have a meeting to discuss those changes with the whole IEP team, you could have initialed those changes to show you agreed to them. But since you didn't (right?) then I would tell them the "newly written proposed IEP" is not valid. Then you can discuss with the team the changes she wanted to make and why or why not they are appropriate to your child. she may not have realized what his needs were or why things were written as they were. But people cannot just make changes without any discussion like that. If that were so, wow! Schools would just forge ahead doing whatever and we parents would have no idea.

Write a letter, nice but firm, and send it the head of the sped department. You can CC copies to the sped teacher as well so she knows what is happening. give them the benefit of the doubt - that they made a mistake and that they want to fix it. But don't back down!

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now')

I think this might be the first time I have responded to this group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago.

I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to his IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to fight with the school to revert back to original IEP written. They reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has happened to him.

He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other sometimes just to get through the day. HunterAvon - Independent Sales Representativewww.youravon.com/lhunter0615

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.6.19/1662 - Release Date: 9/9/2008 10:47 AM

[Guest guest]

That is very true and I agree! Some school administrators do not follow the law and they do their own thing regardless. I would still suggest the same things in dealing with it though - document everything and request that they follow the rules in writing! Sometimes you can push them towards following the law, some require more persuasive methods. lol Always go up the food chain and exhaust all methods possible.

I think the system stinks really. Like you know, you can get a lawyer and file due process if you disagree. But in truth, who can afford to do that? We paid a lot on a lawyer and we did end up getting what we wanted. But at what price? Parents are at such a disadvantage due to the cost of arguing. I've filed due process on my own before too but honestly, it is a lot of legal mumbo jumbo that is difficult for a parent to go through. Not to mention the years it takes off your life to deal with it all. <g>

Parents who are failing can do several things before they give up and go crazy. :-)

Write down everything that is going on. Make your requests in writing. Write follow up letters to conversations. Don't yell on paper. Be courteous! PAPERTRAIL.

Make sure you can prove what you want. Research the laws, gather data on your child in a variety of ways so you can prove your point/request is valid and necessary. Save samples of the problem, if possible. Creat tons of data, draw graphs, compile folders to hand out at meetings outlining the ongoing problem...make it a campaign! PROVE IT!

Find local advocacy groups/people and get their help and advice. Invite people to join you at your meetings for moral and advocacy support. NETWORK!/WITNESSES

Start out simple at your school with requests but if turned down or treated rudely, start moving up the food chain! Go from the sped teacher to the principal. Then go to the director of sped (or an ass director, however your chain of command goes in your school.) If that fails, go to the superintendent. Be firm but polite when you see these people. Remember, they probably do not know what is going on! So tell them your story and try to make them WANT to help you! BEG!

If you can afford it, talk to a lawyer about your situation. Have a lawyer attend a meeting or write a letter on your behalf. Sometimes this can do wonders in straightening out problems. (I know a group locally here where you can sometimes get free time with a sped lawyer to ask questions about your personal situation - so network in your area and in advocacy groups locally to find out what is available to you!!) LEGAL HELP!

If nobody will help you, request mediation from the state. MEDIATE!

Consider filing due process and/or filing a state complaint. See if you can find other parents in similar circumstances to join you in your complaint. COMPLAIN!

Sometimes knowing you will file a complaint keeps them honest. sometimes not. And sometimes finding local advocacy groups and getting people to show up at these meetings also helps. One time I attended a meeting for someone else - I was one of 5 parents who went to the meeting. They had to use a bigger conference room to seat everyone and they had to find people to attend at the school so that they could outnumber us, lol. But I think it intimidated them to have so many parents staring at them. They did not resolve the problems at that meeting but they came back to propose something else to the parents privately that week that the parents did agreed to. So I think it helped a lot just to show up and take notes and look appropriately aghast at what was being said. <g>

Yes, I remember Ruthie!! Sometimes you just up and move and that is the best idea too. We used to live in Illinois and once I had "won" with an argument at the school, I knew they would not implement it because they did not care. I remember walking out of that meeting and I said to my dh, "We are putting our house up for sale now. I want out of this hell hole!" lol. And we did. And it was a good thing to do. The school we were at was just horrible and inadequate.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Re:"I don't want to be cured" (my son about 'cure autism now')

I think this might be the first time I have responded to this group. I am not sure I just joined a few days ago.

I only wish my son felt so good about himself. I have always been there 100% for him. Telling him he is smart and he is doing a great job at school. We really don't talk about Aspergers being about him. He has always struggled in school and this year has been very difficult for both of us. We recently moved and he had to change schools. HIs case manager that he was assigned to made changes to his IEP that she thought was in his best interest. Now I having to fight with the school to revert back to original IEP written. They reverted back to IEP and now they only schedule they can come up with is where he spends the second half of his day with 8th graders in the resource room. He has not very excited about that because he is not with his own peers. I am so frustrated with everything that has happened to him.

He also has a learning disability and is basically at a 4th to 5th level in all his subjects. So he feels that he is different from his peers. I only hope someday he feels better about himself. Thanks for listening and being so supportive. We need to each other sometimes just to get through the day. HunterAvon - Independent Sales Representativewww.youravon.com/lhunter0615

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.6.19/1662 - Release Date: 9/9/2008 10:47 AM

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG - http://www.avg.com Version: 8.0.169 / Virus Database: 270.6.19/1664 - Release Date: 9/10/2008 6:00 AM