Re: social skill at home

[Guest guest]

Rose, that's really lousey. I'm sorry that you both have to go thru this. It seems common that when you get more a couple kids together, trouble starts. I don't know if it's a competitive thing, an overload of testosterone, or what, but it seems to be common. I've seen it with my ds with AS and with my younger NT ds. I've seen it on the playground with girls, too. I think it's their way of figuring out the pecking order.... who's going to be the top banana. The shameful part is that it's always kids like ours who land on the bottom. They're less street savvy, so they are an easy target. I've found that it's just so hard to teach street smarts. My son is 16 and has a heart of gold. It took ages before the lightbulb started to flicker and he was getting to understand that some kids were

mean. We done a lot of talking and role playing over the years. I think he got to the point where intellectually, he was able to understand. It's still tough to apply it to real life.

There is something good about our kids having difficulty reading others. When they're getting teased, they don't get it. Since they don't get it, it doesn't hurt like it would if they did have full understanding. Now that my son is older and does "get it" - it really does hurt.

As far as playdates go, I'd suggest you be selective about who he plays with. Keep it to one boy to start. Keep them in the house or very close so you can keep an eye on things at all times. Short durations are a good thing, too. Get to know the kids and which ones are good playmates and which ones to avoid. All it takes in one bad apple to turn the whole group.

Don't hesitate to step in if you hear things getting out of hand. Play moderator if they seem to start squabbling. Play facilitator if the play seems to be awkward.

I was never one to correct other people's kids, but now if I see kids acting up or being mean, I step in. I pull out my authoratative adult voice. I keep it short and firm and let them know they are out of line.

{{{{{Rose}}}}}

Hang in there!

Mims

From: beachbodytan2002 <beachbodytan2002@...>Subject: ( ) social skill at home Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 7:11 PM

Just wanting to share or vent, not sure.now that the weather is getting nicer. I'm letting my son go out and try to play with some of the boys in the area. after the last incident last weeek. at a meeting I spoke about it at school. they suggested that my son invite just one friend over at a time instead of playing with a few boys at once. So, today, he invited one friend over. they went to a wooded area and were playing there. I would check on them and all looked well. some other boys (from their class) joined them. that's when things got ugly. from where I was looking at them. all looked great, like they were having a good time. but when my son came home, he told me the other boys started to call him and his friend a fag, fat, etc.. until it lead to profanity. so, my son did what he was drilled to do. (YES) he left the area and came home. no physical contact today. instead name calling and

cursing. if that sounds better. I just can't see what happens that one minute they are all playing, and a second later its all the boys against my son. If an adult is there, they all get along fine. as soon as I go to the bathroom or give them a little space. its a war. but the next day, back in school in a structured area, they are all friends again. at home, amazing. if you have any ideas on what you all did in this situation, please share. I did speak to their parents, and they were all willing to work this out. they don't understand either how they all play nice when supervised but as soon as the adult leaves, they are all up against my son. forget about asking the kids what happened. each child has a different story. this happens each time my son plays with someone.yet, these same kids would call for him. suggesting making their playtime short sounds great. but this all happened in 5 minutes

together. making my son invite just one friend over sounds great, and we did that. but the other boys joined in. I'm wondering what you all would do?thanksRose

between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99

[Guest guest]

Mims thanks, another concern is all the boys his age are able to do more things and go further from home. the worst part is, I know my son is not ready to travel like that. today, I let him go, but I followed him with my car. So, when other kids joined at the same spot he was at. I was near by to watch. it's either that, or he doesn't go anyplace. thanks RoseMims Batts <mimsnj@...> wrote: Rose, that's really lousey. I'm sorry that you both have to go thru this. It seems common that when you get more a couple kids together, trouble starts. I don't know if it's a competitive thing, an overload of testosterone, or what, but it seems to be common. I've seen it with my ds with AS and with my younger NT ds. I've seen it on the playground with girls, too. I think it's their way of figuring out the pecking order.... who's going to be the top banana. The shameful part is that it's always kids like ours who land on the bottom. They're less street savvy, so they are an easy target. I've found that it's just so hard to teach street smarts. My son is 16 and has a heart of gold. It took ages before the lightbulb started to flicker and he was getting to understand that some kids were mean. We done a lot of talking and role playing over the years. I think he got to

the point where intellectually, he was able to understand. It's still tough to apply it to real life. There is something good about our kids having difficulty reading others. When they're getting teased, they don't get it. Since they don't get it, it doesn't hurt like it would if they did have full understanding. Now that my son is older and does "get it" - it really does hurt. As far as playdates go, I'd suggest you be selective about who he plays with. Keep it to one boy to start. Keep them in the house or very close so you can keep an eye on things at all times. Short durations are a good thing, too. Get to know the kids and which ones are good playmates and which ones to avoid. All it takes in one bad apple to turn the whole group. Don't hesitate to step in if you hear things getting out of

hand. Play moderator if they seem to start squabbling. Play facilitator if the play seems to be awkward. I was never one to correct other people's kids, but now if I see kids acting up or being mean, I step in. I pull out my authoratative adult voice. I keep it short and firm and let them know they are out of line. {{{{{Rose}}}}} Hang in there! Mims From: beachbodytan2002 <beachbodytan2002 >Subject: ( ) social skill at home Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 7:11 PM Just wanting to share or vent, not sure.now that the weather is

getting nicer. I'm letting my son go out and try to play with some of the boys in the area. after the last incident last weeek. at a meeting I spoke about it at school. they suggested that my son invite just one friend over at a time instead of playing with a few boys at once. So, today, he invited one friend over. they went to a wooded area and were playing there. I would check on them and all looked well. some other boys (from their class) joined them. that's when things got ugly. from where I was looking at them. all looked great, like they were having a good time. but when my son came home, he told me the other boys started to call him and his friend a fag, fat, etc.. until it lead to profanity. so, my son did what he was drilled to do. (YES) he left the area and came home. no physical contact today. instead name calling and cursing. if that sounds better. I just can't see what happens that one minute they are all

playing, and a second later its all the boys against my son. If an adult is there, they all get along fine. as soon as I go to the bathroom or give them a little space. its a war. but the next day, back in school in a structured area, they are all friends again. at home, amazing. if you have any ideas on what you all did in this situation, please share. I did speak to their parents, and they were all willing to work this out. they don't understand either how they all play nice when supervised but as soon as the adult leaves, they are all up against my son. forget about asking the kids what happened. each child has a different story. this happens each time my son plays with someone.yet, these same kids would call for him. suggesting making their playtime short sounds great. but this all happened in 5 minutes together. making my son invite just one friend over sounds great, and we did that. but the other boys joined in.

I'm wondering what you all would do?thanksRosebetween 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99

between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 <hr size=1>Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. <a href= " http://us.rd./evt=51733/*http://mobile./;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ " > Try it now.</a>

[Guest guest]

My first instinct is, is to never let them hang together again. No one deserves to be called names by their "friends". But,,,,then I thought,,,,,,,,,,try something else first....before you save your son from their crap. The next time they come over......and make sure it's all of them.....maybe have them in for shakes or something... Anyway,,,,,I'd bring it up. I'd ask them if they know that your son has something called.....".....". Then,,,telll them what it means. Ask them how long they've been friends. Tell them how much they mean to you. (even if it's lying a bit). Tell them you know about name calling. Tell them how much it hurts YOU,,,,especially seeing how much you and your son like them and that you know they are great kids. Tell them that you need them to help your son......to be there for him.....to be his friend. Just like they need

him,,,,because he's an awesome guy. *** Anyway,,,,,just a thought. I did this with my son at the end of 5th grade with a boy who was almost like a family member. It worked for a bit and then he moved on. I had to make a choice. Either let my son keep his "friend" or lay it on the line that it wouldn't be tolerated anymore. Robinbeachbodytan2002 <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: Just wanting to share or vent, not sure.now that the weather is

getting nicer. I'm letting my son go out and try to play with some of the boys in the area. after the last incident last weeek. at a meeting I spoke about it at school. they suggested that my son invite just one friend over at a time instead of playing with a few boys at once. So, today, he invited one friend over. they went to a wooded area and were playing there. I would check on them and all looked well. some other boys (from their class) joined them. that's when things got ugly. from where I was looking at them. all looked great, like they were having a good time. but when my son came home, he told me the other boys started to call him and his friend a fag, fat, etc.. until it lead to profanity. so, my son did what he was drilled to do. (YES) he left the area and came home. no physical contact today. instead name calling and cursing. if that sounds better. I just can't see what happens that one minute they are all

playing, and a second later its all the boys against my son. If an adult is there, they all get along fine. as soon as I go to the bathroom or give them a little space. its a war. but the next day, back in school in a structured area, they are all friends again. at home, amazing. if you have any ideas on what you all did in this situation, please share. I did speak to their parents, and they were all willing to work this out. they don't understand either how they all play nice when supervised but as soon as the adult leaves, they are all up against my son. forget about asking the kids what happened. each child has a different story. this happens each time my son plays with someone.yet, these same kids would call for him. suggesting making their playtime short sounds great. but this all happened in 5 minutes together. making my son invite just one friend over sounds great, and we did that. but the other boys joined in.

I'm wondering what you all would do?thanksRose

between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 <hr size=1>Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. <a href= " http://us.rd./evt=51733/*http://mobile./;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ " > Try it now.</a>

[Guest guest]

Robin that was my first instinct. tell him they can't play with him anymore. but when that happened with the boy that was over our home and stole his money. My son was more hurt than the boy was when I spoke to his father for stealing my sons money. the other things that you mentioned. these boys are in his class and scouts. they know he has aspergers. so far, one parent is being kind to try to make this work. she speaks to them. but I don't know for how much longer. I can't keep going to her. but for now, its working. like you, I bet this will continue for a while, then the other kids will move on - and I'll find something else for my son to do. " maybe get a job ". for now, he will be starting middle school ( September 08) and I will be posting a lot, again. and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> wrote: My first instinct is, is to never let them hang together again. No one deserves to be called names by their "friends". But,,,,then I thought,,,,,,,,,,try something else first....before you save your son from their crap. The next time they come over......and make sure it's all of them.....maybe have them in for shakes or something... Anyway,,,,,I'd bring it up. I'd ask them if they know that your son has something called.....".....". Then,,,telll them what it means. Ask them how long

they've been friends. Tell them how much they mean to you. (even if it's lying a bit). Tell them you know about name calling. Tell them how much it hurts YOU,,,,especially seeing how much you and your son like them and that you know they are great kids. Tell them that you need them to help your son......to be there for him.....to be his friend. Just like they need him,,,,because he's an awesome guy. *** Anyway,,,,,just a thought. I did this with my son at the end of 5th grade with a boy who was almost like a family member. It worked for a bit and then he moved on. I had to make a choice. Either let my son keep his "friend" or lay it on the line that it wouldn't be tolerated anymore. Robinbeachbodytan2002 <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: Just wanting to share or vent, not sure.now that the weather is getting nicer. I'm letting my son go out and try to play with some of the boys in the area. after the last incident last weeek. at a meeting I spoke about it at school. they suggested that my son invite just one friend over at a time instead of playing with a few boys at once. So, today, he invited one friend over. they went to a wooded area and were playing there. I would check on them and all looked well. some other boys (from their class) joined them. that's when things got ugly. from where I was looking at them. all looked great, like they were having a good time. but when my son came home, he told me the other boys started to call him and his friend a fag, fat, etc.. until it lead to profanity. so, my son did what he was drilled to do. (YES) he left the area and came home. no physical contact today. instead name

calling and cursing. if that sounds better. I just can't see what happens that one minute they are all playing, and a second later its all the boys against my son. If an adult is there, they all get along fine. as soon as I go to the bathroom or give them a little space. its a war. but the next day, back in school in a structured area, they are all friends again. at home, amazing. if you have any ideas on what you all did in this situation, please share. I did speak to their parents, and they were all willing to work this out. they don't understand either how they all play nice when supervised but as soon as the adult leaves, they are all up against my son. forget about asking the kids what happened. each child has a different story. this happens each time my son plays with someone.yet, these same kids would call for him. suggesting making their playtime short sounds great. but this all happened in 5 minutes

together. making my son invite just one friend over sounds great, and we did that. but the other boys joined in. I'm wondering what you all would do?thanksRose between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 <hr size=1>Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. <a href="http://us.rd./evt=51733/*http://mobile./;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ "> Try it now.</a>

between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 <hr size=1>Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. <a href= " http://us.rd./evt=51733/*http://mobile./;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR8HDtDypao8Wcj9tAcJ " > Try it now.</a>

[Guest guest]

Hi Rose,

I'm scared to let my son go anywhere. I tend to keep him at home. Not only do the kids in our neighborhood upset him, the adults do too. Maybe I am just being over-protective. My son complains he has no friends at school and no friends at home. My heart just breaks for him.

( ) social skill at home Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 7:11 PM

Just wanting to share or vent, not sure.now that the weather is getting nicer. I'm letting my son go out and try to play with some of the boys in the area. after the last incident last weeek. at a meeting I spoke about it at school. they suggested that my son invite just one friend over at a time instead of playing with a few boys at once. So, today, he invited one friend over. they went to a wooded area and were playing there. I would check on them and all looked well. some other boys (from their class) joined them. that's when things got ugly. from where I was looking at them. all looked great, like they were having a good time. but when my son came home, he told me the other boys started to call him and his friend a fag, fat, etc.. until it lead to profanity. so, my son did what he was drilled to do. (YES) he left the area and came home. no physical contact today. instead name calling and

cursing. if that sounds better. I just can't see what happens that one minute they are all playing, and a second later its all the boys against my son. If an adult is there, they all get along fine. as soon as I go to the bathroom or give them a little space. its a war. but the next day, back in school in a structured area, they are all friends again. at home, amazing. if you have any ideas on what you all did in this situation, please share. I did speak to their parents, and they were all willing to work this out. they don't understand either how they all play nice when supervised but as soon as the adult leaves, they are all up against my son. forget about asking the kids what happened. each child has a different story. this happens each time my son plays with someone.yet, these same kids would call for him. suggesting making their playtime short sounds great. but this all happened in 5 minutes

together. making my son invite just one friend over sounds great, and we did that. but the other boys joined in. I'm wondering what you all would do?thanksRosebetween 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99

between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 <hr size=1>Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. <a href="http://us.rd. / evt=51733/ *http://mobile. / ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ "> Try it now.</a>

[Guest guest]

, I'm so sad reading your post. Please send your son a hug from us. we just started this day with my son being included with playing with other kids. I do follow him. He tends to leave without anyone seeing him go. he also like to play by himself. Have you heard of the big buddy program? check and see if they have one in your area. if so, maybe you would like to sign your son up. or you can become a big buddy and request a child around your son's age with the same interest. I hope that helps. How old is your son?. Also, what if you were to invite just one child over for pizza and a movie? or to go to the beach when the weather is nice. if both kids are having a good time, maybe something might work out. You know, I think it's just fine to keep our kids home in the yard " safe " or following them when they go riding to the park. I sit in my car and talk

on my cell to friends while watching my son play. when things get ugly. I'm right there, we talk about what we can do to " fix " that ugly situation. my son is 11 and I still follow him... Hugs to you Rose Wallbank <w_wittmayer@...> wrote: Hi Rose, I'm scared to let my son go anywhere. I tend to keep him at home. Not only do the kids in our neighborhood upset him,

the adults do too. Maybe I am just being over-protective. My son complains he has no friends at school and no friends at home. My heart just breaks for him. ( ) social skill at home Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 7:11 PM Just wanting to share or vent, not sure.now that the weather is getting nicer. I'm letting my son go out and try to play with some of the boys in the area. after the last incident last weeek. at a meeting I spoke about it at school. they suggested that my son invite just one friend over at a time instead of playing with a few boys at once. So, today, he invited one friend over. they went to a

wooded area and were playing there. I would check on them and all looked well. some other boys (from their class) joined them. that's when things got ugly. from where I was looking at them. all looked great, like they were having a good time. but when my son came home, he told me the other boys started to call him and his friend a fag, fat, etc.. until it lead to profanity. so, my son did what he was drilled to do. (YES) he left the area and came home. no physical contact today. instead name calling and cursing. if that sounds better. I just can't see what happens that one minute they are all playing, and a second later its all the boys against my son. If an adult is there, they all get along fine. as soon as I go to the bathroom or give them a little space. its a war. but the next day, back in school in a structured area, they are all friends again. at home, amazing. if you have any ideas on what you all did in this

situation, please share. I did speak to their parents, and they were all willing to work this out. they don't understand either how they all play nice when supervised but as soon as the adult leaves, they are all up against my son. forget about asking the kids what happened. each child has a different story. this happens each time my son plays with someone.yet, these same kids would call for him. suggesting making their playtime short sounds great. but this all happened in 5 minutes together. making my son invite just one friend over sounds great, and we did that. but the other boys joined in. I'm wondering what you all would do?thanksRosebetween 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 <hr size=1>Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. <a

href="http://us.rd. / evt=51733/ *http://mobile. / ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ "> Try it now.</a>

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[Guest guest]

Hi everybody My kid is isolated by other kids also. However, when I watch him socialize I realize he is just not nice to other kids and very annoying (to adults too). He is not aggressive at all . but he is just annoying. not very cooperative. has his own rules for games and does not want to compromise with anyone. If other kids want to play soccer he wants to play tag, if others want to play games, he wants to watch tv. I do feel bad for him, and I try to let him see how important it is to have friends. but he does not even sit still to listen to me. I am thinking of putting him in some social classes so he can learn basic social skills from other kids. I wish all of you luck and patience Wallbank <w_wittmayer@...> wrote: Hi Rose, I'm scared to let my son go anywhere. I tend to keep him at home. Not only do the kids in our neighborhood upset him, the adults do too. Maybe I am just being over-protective. My son complains he has no friends at school and no friends at home. My heart just breaks for him. ( ) social skill at

home Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 7:11 PM Just wanting to share or vent, not sure.now that the weather is getting nicer. I'm letting my son go out and try to play with some of the boys in the area. after the last incident last weeek. at a meeting I spoke about it at school. they suggested that my son invite just one friend over at a time instead of playing with a few boys at once. So, today, he invited one friend over. they went to a wooded area and were playing there. I would check on them and all looked well. some other boys (from their class) joined them. that's when things got ugly. from where I was looking at them. all looked great, like they were having a good time. but when my son came home, he told me the other boys started to call him and his friend a fag, fat, etc.. until it lead to profanity. so, my son did what

he was drilled to do. (YES) he left the area and came home. no physical contact today. instead name calling and cursing. if that sounds better. I just can't see what happens that one minute they are all playing, and a second later its all the boys against my son. If an adult is there, they all get along fine. as soon as I go to the bathroom or give them a little space. its a war. but the next day, back in school in a structured area, they are all friends again. at home, amazing. if you have any ideas on what you all did in this situation, please share. I did speak to their parents, and they were all willing to work this out. they don't understand either how they all play nice when supervised but as soon as the adult leaves, they are all up against my son. forget about asking the kids what happened. each child has a different story. this happens each time my son plays with someone.yet, these same kids would call for

him. suggesting making their playtime short sounds great. but this all happened in 5 minutes together. making my son invite just one friend over sounds great, and we did that. but the other boys joined in. I'm wondering what you all would do?thanksRosebetween 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 <hr size=1>Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. <a href="http://us.rd. / evt=51733/ *http://mobile. / ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ "> Try it now.</a>

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[Guest guest]

Thank you Rose. )

My son will be 9 in June. We are only 1 year into the diagnosis. It's been a year of Dr.'s, tests, IEP, OT individual and group, socialization therapy and recommendations from Dr.'s and teachers. Through it all we are trying to find a way to ease our son's pain of being teased and feeling rejected. He does great at school as far as grades. His teacher wants to place him in the gifted program next year. I worry he won't do well in the gifted program.......we'll see. We have so little experience with this and feel very lost. I know we have gone to the right people for treatment. It's daily life where we struggle. Especially myself. I am with my son ALL the time. My husband sees him when he can. He's a great father. He just works a lot. Between neighbors, friendships and school......it is overwhelming. We were shocked by the diagnosis. Now we have been trying our best to just do what is best for our son. When we feel we are doing our best, he has a melt

down or trouble with friendships or he feels alone. Then we know we have so much more we can be doing.

Wallbank - Wittmayer

DOK Grace Chapter

"Prayer without work is empty words,service without prayer is labor lost."

( ) social skill at home Date: Tuesday, April 15, 2008, 7:11 PM

Just wanting to share or vent, not sure.now that the weather is getting nicer. I'm letting my son go out and try to play with some of the boys in the area. after the last incident last weeek. at a meeting I spoke about it at school. they suggested that my son invite just one friend over at a time instead of playing with a few boys at once. So, today, he invited one friend over. they went to a wooded area and were playing there. I would check on them and all looked well. some other boys (from their class) joined them. that's when things got ugly. from where I was looking at them. all looked great, like they were having a good time. but when my son came home, he told me the other boys started to call him and his friend a fag, fat, etc.. until it lead to profanity. so, my son did what he was drilled to do. (YES) he left the area and came home. no physical contact today. instead name calling and

cursing. if that sounds better. I just can't see what happens that one minute they are all playing, and a second later its all the boys against my son. If an adult is there, they all get along fine. as soon as I go to the bathroom or give them a little space. its a war. but the next day, back in school in a structured area, they are all friends again. at home, amazing. if you have any ideas on what you all did in this situation, please share. I did speak to their parents, and they were all willing to work this out. they don't understand either how they all play nice when supervised but as soon as the adult leaves, they are all up against my son. forget about asking the kids what happened. each child has a different story. this happens each time my son plays with someone.yet, these same kids would call for him. suggesting making their playtime short sounds great. but this all happened in 5 minutes

together. making my son invite just one friend over sounds great, and we did that. but the other boys joined in. I'm wondering what you all would do?thanksRosebetween 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99

between 0000-00-00 and 9999-99-99 <hr size=1>Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. <a href="http:/ /us.rd. / evt=51733/ *http://mobile. / ;_ylt=Ahu06i62sR 8HDtDypao8Wcj9tA cJ "> Try it now.</a>

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

[Guest guest]

Have you contact your local Autism Society? They may have social groups that your son could attend. Pam :)Need a new ride? Check out the largest site for U.S. used car listings at AOL Autos.