Re: Help I dont know what to do?

August 15, 2008

Exactly that................it is stressful raising these children sometimes, and it does NOT sound like he had had enough and was protecting himself; find me a parent of a 'normal' child in this situation that would not, after a period of time, spank, or something else, the child when the child is hurting them? I don't think that is possible; no one wants to be hurt..........it may not have been right but to call DHS and do all that is a crime, too; these kids need us. If anything, perhaps it is time for the waivers and respite care so you and your spouse can have a break from all this stuff.

Ruthie

From: dgoneau@...Date: Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:08:35 +0000Subject: ( ) Help I dont know what to do?

Last night I was carrying some stuff to my car at my mothers, I am in the car when I hear screaming. I run back in and my 7 yr old son is in the floor screaming and trying to beat on his 3 yr old brother. My H is saying he will not take his crap! and walks outside .I am confused,so my Mom tells me what happened...My older son was bugging her for something ,my H sayed to shut it up and get in the car he didnt want to hear it. Then my oldest goes to his father and starts kicking him in the legs! My H brings up his knee and hit him in the chest knocking him into the refrigerator! Then my son gets up and starts to beat up the 3 yr old! My mom wants to call SS or child protective services but I keep reminding her My H and 7 yr old have Aspergers. I am packing to get the boys away right now . What do you all think I should do?

August 15, 2008

I agree with Ruthie, don't overreact to this. Don't pack up and take

your boys away from your husband. Its one thing to go out for a walk

and give him a break, but realize that we all get frustrated

sometimes and do things we shouldn't.

I usually handle things fairly well, but when I get stressed out and

angry, and say something I shouldn't to my dd, after I get calmed

down, I go and apologize to her. Explain what I should have done

instead, and things are quickly back to a close relationship between

us.

I haven't had much anger in my life, before dealing with the

frustrations our dd (age 4.5) with Asperger's has brought into my

life. I wrote out some Bible verses on small cards and carry them in

my pocket, especially when I'm alone with my children for a longer

time period than usual. Then if I feel I'm losing control I can give

myself a time out to read them over and calm down. That's really

helped. I also take deep, calming breaths as needed.

I know you mentioned your husband also has Asperger's. Does he have

strategies for helping calm himself?

Hang in there,

>

> Exactly that................it is stressful raising these children

sometimes, and it does NOT sound like he had had enough and was

protecting himself; find me a parent of a 'normal' child in this

situation that would not, after a period of time, spank, or something

else, the child when the child is hurting them? I don't think that

is possible; no one wants to be hurt..........it may not have been

right but to call DHS and do all that is a crime, too; these kids

need us. If anything, perhaps it is time for the waivers and respite

care so you and your spouse can have a break from all this stuff.

>

> Ruthie

>

> @...: dgoneau@...: Fri, 15 Aug 2008 15:08:35

+0000Subject: ( ) Help I dont know what to do?

>

> Last night I was carrying some stuff to my car at my mothers, I am

in the car when I hear screaming. I run back in and my 7 yr old son

is in the floor screaming and trying to beat on his 3 yr old brother.

My H is saying he will not take his crap! and walks outside .I am

confused,so my Mom tells me what happened...My older son was bugging

her for something ,my H sayed to shut it up and get in the car he

didnt want to hear it. Then my oldest goes to his father and starts

kicking him in the legs! My H brings up his knee and hit him in the

chest knocking him into the refrigerator! Then my son gets up and

starts to beat up the 3 yr old! My mom wants to call SS or child

protective services but I keep reminding her My H and 7 yr old have

Aspergers. I am packing to get the boys away right now . What do you

all think I should do?

>

August 15, 2008

Hi D,I would make it *very* clear to dh that unless he's willing to participate in parenting training, you're going to have to... you decide. It seems to me that the choices are to take the kids and leave, or to involve child protective services. Your first priority *has* to be to keep the children safe. This is probably not necessary, but if you are at all worried about your own safety, please call a domestic violence hotline. Here's a national number in case you (or anyone else) need it. They might be able to advise you on the issue with the children as well, even if you aren't at risk yourself. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)Your children are at risk. Please do something. If you want to talk, I'd be happy to brainstorm with you, or just talk it through.LizOn Aug 15, 2008, at 8:08 AM, dgoneau wrote:Last night I was carrying some stuff to my car at my mothers, I am in the car when I hear screaming. I run back in and my 7 yr old son is in the floor screaming and trying to beat on his 3 yr old brother. My H is saying he will not take his crap! and walks outside .I am confused,so my Mom tells me what happened...My older son was bugging her for something ,my H sayed to shut it up and get in the car he didnt want to hear it. Then my oldest goes to his father and starts kicking him in the legs! My H brings up his knee and hit him in the chest knocking him into the refrigerator! Then my son gets up and starts to beat up the 3 yr old! My mom wants to call SS or child protective services but I keep reminding her My H and 7 yr old have Aspergers. I am packing to get the boys away right now . What do you all think I should do?

August 15, 2008

Whoops, I can see that I overreacted. I would still try and get him into parenting classes if he overreacts a lot. LizOn Aug 15, 2008, at 7:53 PM, Liz Bohn wrote:Hi D,I would make it *very* clear to dh that unless he's willing to participate in parenting training, you're going to have to... you decide. It seems to me that the choices are to take the kids and leave, or to involve child protective services. Your first priority *has* to be to keep the children safe. This is probably not necessary, but if you are at all worried about your own safety, please call a domestic violence hotline. Here's a national number in case you (or anyone else) need it. They might be able to advise you on the issue with the children as well, even if you aren't at risk yourself. 1-800-799-SAFE (7233)Your children are at risk. Please do something. If you want to talk, I'd be happy to brainstorm with you, or just talk it through.LizOn Aug 15, 2008, at 8:08 AM, dgoneau wrote:Last night I was carrying some stuff to my car at my mothers, I am in the car when I hear screaming. I run back in and my 7 yr old son is in the floor screaming and trying to beat on his 3 yr old brother. My H is saying he will not take his crap! and walks outside .I am confused,so my Mom tells me what happened...My older son was bugging her for something ,my H sayed to shut it up and get in the car he didnt want to hear it. Then my oldest goes to his father and starts kicking him in the legs! My H brings up his knee and hit him in the chest knocking him into the refrigerator! Then my son gets up and starts to beat up the 3 yr old! My mom wants to call SS or child protective services but I keep reminding her My H and 7 yr old have Aspergers. I am packing to get the boys away right now . What do you all think I should do?

August 15, 2008

Well, first, I don't think you should excuse your dh because he has AS. AS or not, he has no business kicking a child in the chest at all. By that I mean, AS is not an excuse for it. He needs to learn some coping skills and some parenting skills but should not be practicing on the kids. He is an adult and he has no business behaving that way to a little kid. People with AS are not slow or stupid and they know they should not hit or kick others, especially little children. Plus, he is the parent. So he is not a victim of anything here. Is he violent with the child often? Is he that way with you? I agree with Liz's post, you should take care of the children first and of course, take care of yourself as well!

If he truly cannot control his own temper, then he needs to find a counselor and get help for himself. But definitely don't excuse this from him. Expect him to do something to make this better for you and the children.

Hopefully he did not crack any ribs or bruise anything on the boy. And this kind of violence is just getting repeated in the kids as your ds demonstrated by turning around to beat the one in the room who couldn't fight back - his little brother. When the 3 yo gets upset, you'll soon have him smacking you around! I am sure you don't want these kids growing up with this kind of example as to how to handle their anger.

Definitely look up your city/county disability services. Here in Ohio, they are called MR/DD's. Each state has different language. Also look up your state + disability in google. You will find information and groups that you can call until you figure out what is available in your area specifically. Ideally, your local MR/DD would have a behavioral person who could come and help you work on your ds's behavior. Once you have a plan in place, you can better handle him when he gets out of hand and hopefully, teach your dh how to handle him as well. Ask them for help! This is what our tax money is for! Let us know how you are. I can only imagine this is incredibly difficult for you!!

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Help I dont know what to do?

Last night I was carrying some stuff to my car at my mothers, I am in the car when I hear screaming. I run back in and my 7 yr old son is in the floor screaming and trying to beat on his 3 yr old brother. My H is saying he will not take his crap! and walks outside .I am confused,so my Mom tells me what happened...My older son was bugging her for something ,my H sayed to shut it up and get in the car he didnt want to hear it. Then my oldest goes to his father and starts kicking him in the legs! My H brings up his knee and hit him in the chest knocking him into the refrigerator! Then my son gets up and starts to beat up the 3 yr old! My mom wants to call SS or child protective services but I keep reminding her My H and 7 yr old have Aspergers. I am packing to get the boys away right now . What do you all think I should do?No virus found in this incoming message.

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August 15, 2008

Liz, if you over-reacted then count me in too! I thought you were right on the money.