Re: New Here/Diagnosis Q

[Guest guest]

I think you should get a diagnosis for him. this way you can explain to people what his issues and need are. Educate them. I married a man with an 18 year old that lives with us. He is just now in the process of getting an evaluation for aspergers. When I moved in with this family a year ago I couldn't understand why all these things were happening. I had raised three kids and they were nothing like him. If I had been told what his issues were I would have understood, but nobody told me anything in fact his parents said he was just fine. I got nothing but critism. My friends and family and I all thought he was weird and scary to be around. It took a year of convincing and almost leaving my husband to get him to get his child some help. Now that I have educated myself about aspergers I don't think he is weird anymore. I feel so sorry for him, he is an adult now and I don't have much say about

his life because I am only the stepmom. I think about what if he were to have received help all his life like he could have. The more you know the more you can help people understand him ."J. E. Robisch" <writer.mommy@...> wrote: I do not have an official diagnosis but I have strong suspicions that my son (almost 7) has Aspergers and/or Sensory Integration issues. I also have a 9 mo DD. My question/request for advice actually concerns diagnosis.We are a homeschooling family, which is really nice for us so

DS can learn things at his own rate, whether that be fast (for math, geography, dinosaurs, sign language, or whatever he happens to be interested in at the time) or slow (social and physical stuff).The main problems we've run into at home are what I guess they call perseverative behaviors (his latest is chewing on his shirt) and some bathroom issues, but we seem to be dealing with these all right so far. The biggest issue we have is outside the home. At any playdates or homeschool meetups, he plays by himself or with me or talks to adults and is not generally interested in playing with other kids (and I think some of them think he's weird or something now). It would be nice to help teach him the skills to make friends when he is interested. Putting him in a class (like swimming lessons) is a real eye-opener because he behaves so much differently than the other kids (overwhelmed by splashing but still splashes

everyone else, doesn't listen to the teacher, proprioreceptive difficulties). Actually, it was seeing him in this situation that finally convinced me he was "different." We managed to get through it with help from me and some one-on-one from the teacher.So, anyway, since we're not dealing with a public school situation, we are wondering if diagnosis (labeling) might do more harm than good. For example, we only told the swim teacher that we believed he had some social difficulties that we were trying to figure out, and I think she took that to mean he was dumb from some later comments of hers.I guess I'd like to see what other people have experienced positively and negatively after their child was diagnosed. Of course, I'm not 100% positive that he would receive the diagnosis, but I'm pretty suspicious.Thanks.--JanellNeed breastfeeding help?? Call the LLL Breastfeeding Helpline at

1-877-4-LA LECHE (available 24 hours a day, anywhere in the U.S., providing information, support, and education for women who want to breastfeed)

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[Guest guest]

Hello, Actually my little one is 4 and we had him diagnosed at 3 from a great neurologist who hit the head on the nail. With the Asperger diagnosis we were able to get more therapy and a great understanding of his needs and what we needed to work on. I started Austin out on therapy at 18 months when his speech just wasn't there. That raised the red flag for us. So we then started speech and then occupational therapy for cognitive (thinking process) muscle tone, and behavioral. The social skills didn't start coming along until we started Austin in the EELP/ESE classes through public school. I was very scared for Austin not knowing how he would do at such a young age. This is year two and he is doing better. It's no overnight miracle he still has some issues but the interaction is going so much better. I think since you are doing homeschool which is just fantastic that you have the paitience for it. Is this if you get a diagnosis from a neurologist it really helps with

getting free and reduced benefits for programs needed. A program that might work really well for your child is Play Therapy it's kinda new but very effective and it teaches great social skills and behavioral as well with other children learning the same thing so no oddness or others being teased for being different. I know Easter Seals offers it I believe. Call around your area once diagnosed or even before it's your choice. I am about to enter my child into it and I have actually already seen what it does a friend of mine her little girl has done a complete 180 it took a year and hard work at home but it worked. Hope this information helps. Ada Tickle and/or Robin Lemke <jrisjs@...> wrote: Hi. You MUST be talking about MY son.......hee hee. I really feel that a dx is the best way to go. Simply for the info and understanding. It crushed us to get a dx,,,,,,yet, we were relieved to finally KNOW why he was different. ** All this being said,,,,,,I honestly believe that we all have something. So,,,basically,,,we're ALL different, right? My son, at the time, was in school. Being dx'd allowed the school to understand why he did the things he did and legally gave him help. But,,,,,it definitely labeled him. This wasnt' bad at first,,,,,but by 4th grade,,,,you could tell he didn't "fit". This, obviously, was because he was "odd" or

"different",,,,,,,,but I think it was also because he was 'treated' differently...by the teachers....staff............ Ugh..............it's like a viscious circle. You want them to be dx'd for the understanding and the "finally,,,,,,that's what's wrong!!!" feeling. So,,,,you get the dx, the understanding from some,,,,,,,,,,,,,but by getting the dx,,,,you then have to accept that some of the things you don't like and had been wanting/trying to change in your kid,.,,,,,will never get better because that's the Aspergers. In a way,,,,,sometimes, I feel like I have to give up all this "Let's help him" and just accept him. Him for being the guy who'd rather be doing HIS things. Always. He'd love to have friends over IF they stand around and watch him play video games.......or watch him do HIS things. Heck,,,,,even when he has someone come

over and play and they play at the pool,,,,Ian plays the way HE plays........more alone than anything. Having the dx means that you accept the way his does these things, and then you have to decide to either let him be that way and fight everyone to leave him alone and NOT bully him for being odd.......or you enroll him in social skills classes and therapy and you have the options of so many other "therapies" to make him more social and "normal". Ick. My son was dx'd about age 7 1/2. He's 11 now and for 6th grade, he'll be home doing a virtual school. He was starting to see how "different" he was and emotionally,,,,,,he wasn't good anymore. I struggle everyday with letting him be,,,,,,or trying to mold him into a more acceptable dude. I let everyone who comes in contact with Ian or us,,,,,,know what his difference is. And

then,,,,that's it. I try to go to the pool and watch him. I try to stay back.......but sometimes it's hard. I'm there with the littler kids,,,,,so it's not like I'm freakish,,,,,,but this way, I can catch the bully's and also catch when he needs to stop "talking" so loudly or saying things over and over and over and over.....etc. Also,,,,when he does something really "right"....I give him the thumbs up. So,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I encourage him to try things. I make him do many things..........but always have him games handy for when he has had it. Thank God we live in a time where Gameboy's, PSP's, etc are all over the place.......they are a lifesaver. Most importantly,,,,I've realized OUR strengths as a family. If Ian can't take it anymore,,,,,,the whole family doesn't do it anymore.... or either my husband or I leave with Ian. We've had too

many years of being embarrassed because he won't "deal" with it......and then it turns awful. We leave mad and crying....ick. So,,,,,I've written a book. Sorry. I guess we just wanted him to be fully aware and involved in his dx. He knows what he has. He know's what he takes to help function at times better. He knows his weakness is social and that's why we see "Mitch" every Thursday to chat. It's a tough decision. Let us know what you decide. Again,,,,sorry about the book. hee he. Robin "J. E. Robisch" <writer.mommyembarqmail> wrote: I do not have an official diagnosis but I have strong suspicions that my son (almost 7) has Aspergers and/or Sensory

Integration issues. I also have a 9 mo DD. My question/request for advice actually concerns diagnosis.We are a homeschooling family, which is really nice for us so DS can learn things at his own rate, whether that be fast (for math, geography, dinosaurs, sign language, or whatever he happens to be interested in at the time) or slow (social and physical stuff).The main problems we've run into at home are what I guess they call perseverative behaviors (his latest is chewing on his shirt) and some bathroom issues, but we seem to be dealing with these all right so far. The biggest issue we have is outside the home. At any playdates or homeschool meetups, he plays by himself or with me or talks to adults and is not generally interested in playing with other kids (and I think some of them think he's weird or something now). It would be nice to help teach him the skills to make friends when he is interested.

Putting him in a class (like swimming lessons) is a real eye-opener because he behaves so much differently than the other kids (overwhelmed by splashing but still splashes everyone else, doesn't listen to the teacher, proprioreceptive difficulties). Actually, it was seeing him in this situation that finally convinced me he was "different." We managed to get through it with help from me and some one-on-one from the teacher.So, anyway, since we're not dealing with a public school situation, we are wondering if diagnosis (labeling) might do more harm than good. For example, we only told the swim teacher that we believed he had some social difficulties that we were trying to figure out, and I think she took that to mean he was dumb from some later comments of hers.I guess I'd like to see what other people have experienced positively and negatively after their child was diagnosed. Of course, I'm not 100%

positive that he would receive the diagnosis, but I'm pretty suspicious.Thanks.--JanellNeed breastfeeding help?? Call the LLL Breastfeeding Helpline at 1-877-4-LA LECHE (available 24 hours a day, anywhere in the U.S., providing information, support, and education for women who want to breastfeed) Luggage? GPS? Comic books? Check out fitting gifts for grads at Search.

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[Guest guest]

Hi Robin,

Don't be sorry.....I love your " book " ....haha

I especially am amazed at the part where you say your son wants to

have kids come over to play with but then wants them to watch him

play. That is so my daughter. In fact, last week her friend came

over for a sleepover and wanted to color, my daughter didn't....her

friend wanted to play a board game, my daughter didn't. Then my

daughter says she wanted to play a computer game and her friend

could watch her. Why is that? I wonder if it's because they can't

sense someone elses feelings. Do you think? My daughters friend

had such a boring time that I don't think she'll want to sleep over

again !! And she never wants to share any of her toys with them

either. Would behavior like this benefit from social skills classes?

Kathy

>

> Hi.

> You MUST be talking about MY son.......hee hee.

> I really feel that a dx is the best way to go. Simply for the

info and understanding.

> It crushed us to get a dx,,,,,,yet, we were relieved to finally

KNOW why he was different.

> **

> All this being said,,,,,,I honestly believe that we all have

something. So,,,basically,,,we're ALL different, right?

> My son, at the time, was in school. Being dx'd allowed the

school to understand why he did the things he did and legally gave

him help. But,,,,,it definitely labeled him. This wasnt' bad at

first,,,,,but by 4th grade,,,,you could tell he didn't " fit " . This,

obviously, was because he was " odd " or " different " ,,,,,,,,but I

think it was also because he was 'treated' differently...by the

teachers....staff............

> Ugh..............it's like a viscious circle. You want them to

be dx'd for the understanding and the " finally,,,,,,that's what's

wrong!!! " feeling. So,,,,you get the dx, the understanding from

some,,,,,,,,,,,,,but by getting the dx,,,,you then have to accept

that some of the things you don't like and had been wanting/trying

to change in your kid,.,,,,,will never get better because that's the

Aspergers.

> In a way,,,,,sometimes, I feel like I have to give up all

this " Let's help him " and just accept him. Him for being the guy

who'd rather be doing HIS things. Always. He'd love to have

friends over IF they stand around and watch him play video

games.......or watch him do HIS things.

> Heck,,,,,even when he has someone come over and play and they

play at the pool,,,,Ian plays the way HE plays........more alone

than anything.

> Having the dx means that you accept the way his does these

things, and then you have to decide to either let him be that way

and fight everyone to leave him alone and NOT bully him for being

odd.......or you enroll him in social skills classes and therapy and

you have the options of so many other " therapies " to make him more

social and " normal " .

> Ick.

> My son was dx'd about age 7 1/2. He's 11 now and for 6th

grade, he'll be home doing a virtual school. He was starting to see

how " different " he was and emotionally,,,,,,he wasn't good anymore.

> I struggle everyday with letting him be,,,,,,or trying to mold

him into a more acceptable dude.

> I let everyone who comes in contact with Ian or us,,,,,,know

what his difference is. And then,,,,that's it.

> I try to go to the pool and watch him. I try to stay

back.......but sometimes it's hard. I'm there with the littler

kids,,,,,so it's not like I'm freakish,,,,,,but this way, I can

catch the bully's and also catch when he needs to stop " talking " so

loudly or saying things over and over and over and over.....etc.

Also,,,,when he does something really " right " ....I give him the

thumbs up.

> So,,,,,,,,,,,,,,I encourage him to try things. I make him do

many things..........but always have him games handy for when he has

had it. Thank God we live in a time where Gameboy's, PSP's, etc are

all over the place.......they are a lifesaver.

> Most importantly,,,,I've realized OUR strengths as a family.

> If Ian can't take it anymore,,,,,,the whole family doesn't do it

anymore.... or either my husband or I leave with Ian.

> We've had too many years of being embarrassed because he

won't " deal " with it......and then it turns awful. We leave mad and

crying....ick.

> So,,,,,I've written a book. Sorry.

> I guess we just wanted him to be fully aware and involved in his

dx. He knows what he has. He know's what he takes to help function

at times better. He knows his weakness is social and that's why we

see " Mitch " every Thursday to chat.

> It's a tough decision.

> Let us know what you decide.

> Again,,,,sorry about the book. hee he.

> Robin

>

>