Re: Bully girl

[Guest guest]

I think that we can all relate to some point or another on the bullying issue.

I have gone through this since my daughter was in first grade. She is now in HS and 10th grade. It just never seems to stop. My daughter has a short fuse and has made some bad decisions on how to handle her bully. Because of her bad choices, she is on probation, although she really doesnt understand the seriuosness of it.

I had no choice but to be firm with the school regarding these issues. Her Case worker has put in some things to help her deal with her tolerance....a permant pass to excuse herself from class or any uncomfortabel situation and to go to child study office or guidance. She can just show the pass and walk away. Of course I talk with my daughter daily on how to handle these situations, sometimes she can and sometuimes she cant.

I definatly advise starting the conversation with your son and get him to tell you as much info as you can. Then you need to notify the school and tell them what is going on. Hopefully they can call the kids in for a meeting or something. If that doesnt work then you might need to confornt the parents somehow, even though that can be uncomfortable. Usually the parent has no idea......

I believe all school have a 0 tolernace policy that includes bullying.

I hope your son makes it through this in the right way with the right choices.

See AOL's top rated recipes and easy ways to stay in shape for winter.

[Guest guest]

Let the school know what's going on immediately. Many schools nowadays have zero bullying policies. At least they do in Austin, where I live. I'd talk to him about how to handle these situations too, but this is really on the schools shoulders. Your son shouldn't have to live with someone picking on him. My son is also in the 6th grade (middle school though) and is probably a target to some degree, but he's loud and doesn't back down hardly ever so I think people probably think twice before picking on him. Just the thought of it really ticks me off though. Good luck, Mom!

( ) Bully girl

Hi everyone,I found out today that a girl in my son's class is bullying him. I always knew that he could be a target. I am kind of scared and confused. This girl is extremely chatty. She is a troublemaker. My son is extremely quiet, he gets straight A's but he stays away from everybody. He likes to carry his books on top of his head as he walks from his advanced math class to his own class. He whistles as he walks. One of his classmates told me that this girl bothers him for everything, and some of his classmates think is funny. My son is calm, if you let him be, but when he gets frustrated the story is different. At school he has never had a melt down, he controls himself, but at home, with his brother, is a different story. I am afraid that this girl would push him too far. Yet, at the same time, I don't want him to get mad at me for talking about it. He could, I know. I don't want this girl to

continue this behavior. What should I do? He is in a 6th grade in elementary. I have talked to him about not paying attention to people who do not deserve attention, but he is only 11. I am concerned.AnaMom to , AS and k, NT (kind of ADD)

[Guest guest]

Ana --

We have had this, it is very difficult and you are right to be

concerned. He is at a tricky stage vis a vis his opinion of himself

in relation to the other gender.

People don't realize how excruciating and humiliating this is for a

boy -- if another boy is tormenting him, eventually he might punch him

in the nose, and even if he gets in trouble temporarily, he will gain

respect from his peers. But he can never, never hit a girl, touch

her, shove her, or even insult her back. These bully girls have a

mean streak -- and believe me, she knows he won't retaliate and if he

does even the slightest thing, she will scream to the school

principal, and all hell breaks loose on your son.

People think that the bully suffers from poor self-esteem, but

research shows that is not true. The bully actually has extremely

high self-esteem, usually, and lacks empathy for the victim. The

bully's followers, on the other hand, usually have poor self-esteem,

and feel if they don't follow the bully they will be next. The bully

is usually a charismatic leader, sometimes a 'Mean Girl'.

My son was younger when we had this problem, and in his case it was a

whole gang of girls. I could see that they were going to be problem

teens, but I just wanted them to leave my son alone. The teacher's

way of handling it was to treat the bully 'special', and make her the

'teacher's assistant' -- again the misconception that she had poor

self-esteem. This was exactly the wrong approach, and validated the

bully's sense of superiority.

Mom, you need to be relentless and document in writing what you know.

Be careful of your phraseology -- say that 'girl's name' and her

friends are stalking and harrassing your son and you EXPECT the school

to put a stop to it. His disability is not an issue, and you should

not have to bring it up.

The other thing I did was confront the mother of the girl. Of course

she had no idea, and was very hostile toward me. (gosh, where do you

think her daughter learned her behavior). However, making the mom

aware did help. It took a lot to talk to the mother, but I was pretty

desperate, because the school wasn't dealing with it. The principal

told me that I should get Son into sports! What a stupid idea. Also,

I threatened a law suit -- which of course I wouldn't have won, but

just the idea of the publicity of a parent filing a suit for 'child

endangerment' and creating a 'hostile environment' was enough to get

them to pay attention.

Anyway, I am missing class to write this, and must go. My heart goes

out to you, and I send you huge hugs.

Please post how it's going.

Love,

M.A.

>

> Hi everyone,

> I found out today that a girl in my son's class is bullying him. I

> always knew that he could be a target. I am kind of scared and

> confused. This girl is extremely chatty. She is a troublemaker. My son

> is extremely quiet, he gets straight A's but he stays away from

> everybody. He likes to carry his books on top of his head as he walks

> from his advanced math class to his own class. He whistles as he walks.

> One of his classmates told me that this girl bothers him for

> everything, and some of his classmates think is funny. My son is calm,

> if you let him be, but when he gets frustrated the story is different.

> At school he has never had a melt down, he controls himself, but at

> home, with his brother, is a different story. I am afraid that this

> girl would push him too far. Yet, at the same time, I don't want him to

> get mad at me for talking about it. He could, I know. I don't want this

> girl to continue this behavior. What should I do? He is in a 6th grade

> in elementary. I have talked to him about not paying attention to

> people who do not deserve attention, but he is only 11. I am concerned.

>

> Ana

> Mom to , AS and k, NT (kind of ADD)

>

[Guest guest]

Hi Ana, your son sounds a lot like mine who will be 11 on Tuesday. He's been teased by many kids in his classes over the years, boys and girls alike. One girl in particular had to be dealt with a couple of times for constantly saying unkind things to him. I did handle this through the school and the girl's mother and it stopped.

( ) Bully girl

Hi everyone,I found out today that a girl in my son's class is bullying him. I always knew that he could be a target. I am kind of scared and confused. This girl is extremely chatty. She is a troublemaker. My son is extremely quiet, he gets straight A's but he stays away from everybody. He likes to carry his books on top of his head as he walks from his advanced math class to his own class. He whistles as he walks. One of his classmates told me that this girl bothers him for everything, and some of his classmates think is funny. My son is calm, if you let him be, but when he gets frustrated the story is different. At school he has never had a melt down, he controls himself, but at home, with his brother, is a different story. I am afraid that this girl would push him too far. Yet, at the same time, I don't want him to get mad at me for talking about it. He could, I know. I don't want this girl to

continue this behavior. What should I do? He is in a 6th grade in elementary. I have talked to him about not paying attention to people who do not deserve attention, but he is only 11. I am concerned.AnaMom to , AS and k, NT (kind of ADD)

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

[Guest guest]

My heart goes out to you .....nothing gets my ire up more than a girl bully because they know they are "untouchable" and the kids that egg her on are no better in my opinion.....I agree with the poster who said "Document' everything, with the dates and times if possible and clearly without emotion , just state the facts and then you have it when you decide what you are going to do or who you are going to talk to about it....but our aspie kids need our help and intervention, they cannot naviagate this world on their own.

prayers and hugs

brenda

Wags! Wags! Wags!

Lowry

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

Author Ben

From: anaruthlarios@...Date: Fri, 14 Dec 2007 09:38:36 +0000Subject: ( ) Bully girl

Hi everyone,I found out today that a girl in my son's class is bullying him. I always knew that he could be a target. I am kind of scared and confused. This girl is extremely chatty. She is a troublemaker. My son is extremely quiet, he gets straight A's but he stays away from everybody. He likes to carry his books on top of his head as he walks from his advanced math class to his own class. He whistles as he walks. One of his classmates told me that this girl bothers him for everything, and some of his classmates think is funny. My son is calm, if you let him be, but when he gets frustrated the story is different. At school he has never had a melt down, he controls himself, but at home, with his brother, is a different story. I am afraid that this girl would push him too far. Yet, at the same time, I don't want him to get mad at me for talking about it. He could, I know. I don't want this girl to continue this behavior. What should I do? He is in a 6th grade in elementary. I have talked to him about not paying attention to people who do not deserve attention, but he is only 11. I am concerned.AnaMom to , AS and k, NT (kind of ADD) HO HO HO, if you've been naughty this year, email Santa! Visit asksanta.ca to learn more!

[Guest guest]

I would discuss with the IEP team the issue of your son being bullied. There should be training and support for him regarding bullying written into the IEP as a goal. Pam :)See AOL's top rated recipes and easy ways to stay in shape for winter.