adult asperger

[Guest guest]

I have been married to my dh for almost 6 years and have a 25 year

old dss who has been diagnosed with aspergers for quite a few years

now. He was home schooled and is very smart but not in the

traditional sense. He has a job, a driver's license, and is starting

to pursue his college education after obtaining his ged about 3 years

ago. He started to take a class a couple of years ago but quit

because it was too hard. He has lived with his bio-mom and also with

us off and on, but with us for the last couple of years.

I'm wondering about the " growing up " process. In many ways he acts

very adult, yet he has a lot of trouble with self motivation and with

being happy with his life. He constantly complains about his job and

talks about getting a new one, but the last one he had was much the

same. His dad and I try to explain to him that with every job comes

some degree of dissatisfaction and that he does a great job and

should stick with it for the time being...he's always there on

time....comes in early and stays late when they ask....does whatever

job they ask of him (as long as they're very explicit) and is a great

employee. He's very creative but not very motivated toward making his

own way in life. He's very high functioning. He takes his Grandma to

the store and looks after her (but he's quite bossy and sometimes

becomes disrespectful although not very much).

I'm juggling between the guilt my dh feels because ds is an aspie and

the fact that dd is very overprotective, and my feelings that ds

should take at least a little initiative and not always have to be

prodded to do even simple things like clean dishes and leave things

better than he found them. He eats in his room because he wants to

watch tv (which I think is not good), yet is self-sufficient enough

to fix what he wants to eat (which is a very limited selection).

I want to help him become all that he can be but it sometimes causes

problems with my dh because of the protectiveness. My ds's bio-mom is

supportive but has other issues she's dealing with.

How can I help without overstepping my bounds?

[Guest guest]

Jodiah,I wish I had some good answers for you. We're going through something similar. We have a chore chart for the household. Everyone signs up for 3 or 4 chores to do throughout the week. Stuff like cook dinner, clean up kitchen, take out trash, etc. Sometimes we'll isolate a problem and tackle it. Like we're trying to get him to take the subway. Twice, I've gotten him down in the subway, but he's refused to actually get on it. But we went and *looked* at it. That's progress of a sort, I guess. We also had a cooking lesson, where we cooked chicken. That's all I can come up with. Sometimes he refuses to go along with whatever scheme I have  cooked up (sorry about that - heh) but that's life in Aspie-Land.LizOn Aug 23, 2007, at 6:54 PM, jodiahs wrote:I have been married to my dh for almost 6 years and have a 25 year old dss who has been diagnosed with aspergers for quite a few years now. He was home schooled and is very smart but not in the traditional sense. He has a job, a driver's license, and is starting to pursue his college education after obtaining his ged about 3 years ago. He started to take a class a couple of years ago but quit because it was too hard. He has lived with his bio-mom and also with us off and on, but with us for the last couple of years.I'm wondering about the "growing up" process. In many ways he acts very adult, yet he has a lot of trouble with self motivation and with being happy with his life. He constantly complains about his job and talks about getting a new one, but the last one he had was much the same. His dad and I try to explain to him that with every job comes some degree of dissatisfaction and that he does a great job and should stick with it for the time being...he's always there on time....comes in early and stays late when they ask....does whatever job they ask of him (as long as they're very explicit) and is a great employee. He's very creative but not very motivated toward making his own way in life. He's very high functioning. He takes his Grandma to the store and looks after her (but he's quite bossy and sometimes becomes disrespectful although not very much).I'm juggling between the guilt my dh feels because ds is an aspie and the fact that dd is very overprotective, and my feelings that ds should take at least a little initiative and not always have to be prodded to do even simple things like clean dishes and leave things better than he found them. He eats in his room because he wants to watch tv (which I think is not good), yet is self-sufficient enough to fix what he wants to eat (which is a very limited selection).I want to help him become all that he can be but it sometimes causes problems with my dh because of the protectiveness. My ds's bio-mom is supportive but has other issues she's dealing with.How can I help without overstepping my bounds?

[Guest guest]

Thanks for your input! We actually had a chore chart for awhile and it worked,

but pretty soon it was being ignored and my dh said let's just drop it and do it

ourselves. That was very frustrating because our son won't learn anything by

taking that attitude! I think it's time to reinstitute it though

We're really very lucky because ds is able to drive and work and cook a little

bit (as long as it's frozen food...and that was a major breakthrough for him as

he's scared to death of the stove and particularly knives. I think maybe a

cooking project to do with him would be good too!

Thanks again!

Diane

From: Liz Bohn <lbohn@...>

Date: 2007/08/24 Fri AM 08:55:35 CDT

Subject: Re: ( ) adult asperger

Jodiah,I wish I had some good answers for you. We're going through something

similar. We have a chore chart for the household. Everyone signs up for 3 or 4

chores to do throughout the week. Stuff like cook dinner, clean up kitchen, take

out trash, etc. Sometimes we'll isolate a problem and tackle it. Like we're

trying to get him to take the subway. Twice, I've gotten him down in the subway,

but he's refused to actually get on it. But we went and *looked* at it. That's

progress of a sort, I guess. We also had a cooking lesson, where we cooked

chicken. That's all I can come up with. Sometimes he refuses to go along with

whatever scheme I have  cooked up (sorry about that - heh) but that's life in

Aspie-Land.Liz

On Aug 23, 2007, at 6:54 PM, jodiahs wrote:

I have been married to my dh for almost 6 years and have a 25 year

old dss who has been diagnosed with aspergers for quite a few years

now. He was home schooled and is very smart but not in the

traditional sense. He has a job, a driver's license, and is starting </SPAN><BR

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span "

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >to pursue his college education

after obtaining his ged about 3 years </SPAN><BR style= " font-family:

Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span " style= " font-family:

Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >ago. He started to take a class a couple of years ago

but quit </SPAN><BR style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN

class= " Apple-style-span " style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >because

it was too hard. He has lived with his bio-mom and also with </SPAN><BR

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span "

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >us off and on, but with us for the

last couple of years.</SPAN><BR style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size:

13px; " ><BR style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN

class= " Apple-style-span " style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >I'm

wondering about the " growing up " process. In many ways he acts

very adult, yet he has a lot of trouble with self motivation and with

being happy with his life. He constantly complains about his job and

talks about getting a new one, but the last one he had was much the

same. His dad and I try to explain to him that with every job comes

some degree of dissatisfaction and that he does a great job and

should stick with it for the time being...he's always there on </SPAN><BR

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span "

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >time....comes in early and stays

late when they ask....does whatever </SPAN><BR style= " font-family:

Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span " style= " font-family:

Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >job they ask of him (as long as they're very explicit)

and is a great

employee. He's very creative but not very motivated toward making his </SPAN><BR

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span "

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >own way in life. He's very high

functioning. He takes his Grandma to

the store and looks after her (but he's quite bossy and sometimes </SPAN><BR

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span "

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >becomes disrespectful although not

very much).</SPAN><BR style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><BR

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span "

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >I'm juggling between the guilt my

dh feels because ds is an aspie and

the fact that dd is very overprotective, and my feelings that ds

should take at least a little initiative and not always have to be

prodded to do even simple things like clean dishes and leave things

better than he found them. He eats in his room because he wants to

watch tv (which I think is not good), yet is self-sufficient enough

to fix what he wants to eat (which is a very limited selection).

I want to help him become all that he can be but it sometimes causes

problems with my dh because of the protectiveness. My ds's bio-mom is </SPAN><BR

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " ><SPAN class= " Apple-style-span "

style= " font-family: Georgia;font-size: 13px; " >supportive but has other issues

she's dealing with.

How can I help without overstepping my bounds?

[Guest guest]

Hi How had was it for your son to get a job ? We live in Milwaukee , WI. My son is still in high school , and finishing up with credits and IEP. We are hoping that the school tries to place him in work place which they do providing that there are oping in area of instrist. My son will graduate this year , and that will help. At lease he can say he gratuate high school. Donna Rabe ( Mother )jodiahs <jodiahs@...> wrote: I have been married to my dh for almost 6 years and have a 25 year

old dss who has been diagnosed with aspergers for quite a few years now. He was home schooled and is very smart but not in the traditional sense. He has a job, a driver's license, and is starting to pursue his college education after obtaining his ged about 3 years ago. He started to take a class a couple of years ago but quit because it was too hard. He has lived with his bio-mom and also with us off and on, but with us for the last couple of years.I'm wondering about the "growing up" process. In many ways he acts very adult, yet he has a lot of trouble with self motivation and with being happy with his life. He constantly complains about his job and talks about getting a new one, but the last one he had was much the same. His dad and I try to explain to him that with every job comes some degree of dissatisfaction and that he does a great job and should stick with it for the time being...he's always there on

time....comes in early and stays late when they ask....does whatever job they ask of him (as long as they're very explicit) and is a great employee. He's very creative but not very motivated toward making his own way in life. He's very high functioning. He takes his Grandma to the store and looks after her (but he's quite bossy and sometimes becomes disrespectful although not very much).I'm juggling between the guilt my dh feels because ds is an aspie and the fact that dd is very overprotective, and my feelings that ds should take at least a little initiative and not always have to be prodded to do even simple things like clean dishes and leave things better than he found them. He eats in his room because he wants to watch tv (which I think is not good), yet is self-sufficient enough to fix what he wants to eat (which is a very limited selection).I want to help him become all that he can be but it sometimes

causes problems with my dh because of the protectiveness. My ds's bio-mom is supportive but has other issues she's dealing with.How can I help without overstepping my bounds?