aggressive tot - looking for ideas

[Guest guest]

I am a special ed teacher. Among other things I do, I do ABA with kids who are 2 and 3 who are diagnosed as autistic, PDD or otherwise have 'bad' behavior. ABA really works! I have seen it happen time and time again. It helps kids learn to talk and to follow commands as well as a wide range of early learning activities. I would get my kid evaluated asap and take the evaluation as fast as I could to my local early intervention agency. Early Intervention is free for everyone. Get as much as you can. While early intervention will do a not great evaluation, I would get one done myself. Evaluations are often covered under your health insurance policy. Elaine

In a message dated 7/27/2008 7:43:50 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, beachbodytan2002@... writes:

he's almost 21 months old and very sweet and loving. He can say a few words that if you listen really well, you can just about understand him. My concern with him is when he's told the no word, or to stop him from doing something he can't do. he become so angry he get's physically aggressive with me or others, or bangs his head. at the park, he wanted to drink from another child's cup. it was different from the one he was holding and I had to first ' ask him for it back ' then I had to take it before he but the other child's cup to his mouth. I also reminded him he has his own cup that he just throw. I picked up his cup and offered it back to him but instead he grabbed my arm and dug his nails into it and wanted to bite it. when I pulled my arm back, he throw himself to the ground and screamed so loud. the only thing to do at that point is wait till his explosive behavior was finished. (and I had to watch he didn't start with banging his head). When finished, we all went to go get something to eat. while eating, I told him not to throw his fries on the floor (they also went far too). He got so mad about me telling him what he can't do - then throw another one - I said "eat your fries, don't throw them". he then started to throw another piece of food. at that point I started to move his food away from him so he can't continue to throw it and I was going to feed him myself. As I started to move it away, that's when he grabbed the food, my arm too, and throw all his food to the floor and became so much more angry that he started to bang his little head. food was everywhere and he was now screaming because he wanted to throw his fries. He would eat one, and throw another... What have you all done with a tot under 2 with these behaviors. time outs only work for this baby while in time out. then when he out, he is fine until I have to stop him from doing something that a child his age can't do so he doesn't get hurt, break something, or talk something from someone else. What have you all done?. my main concern is when he's angry, He wants to hurt you and will rip your hair OUT..MOM says this is normal for the terrible 2's. ThanksRose Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up for FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

[Guest guest]

What Jan is saying is right on!

Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is based on the ideas of reinforcing positive behavior and ignoring but not punishing bad behavior. Praise good behavior highly and figure out some reinforcements to use. It doesn't have to be food. It could just be to use a special toy.

Elaine

Definitely take him way from wherever he is acting out. If at Mc's, don't get fries to take home. Just go. He may or may not want to go to playground or Mcs. They could be too noisy or too stimulating otherwise.

In a message dated 7/27/2008 10:37:37 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jrushen@... writes:

I'm no expert...but if you are in a park and he starts acting like this...can you just pick him up and leave....or if you are say at Mc's and he starts throwing his fries...just get a bag and go home....maybe after a few time he will get the fact that he can't act like this. Part may be the terrible 2's or maybe he is over-stimulated...

Also, what about rewarding and really, really praising him when he does something Good! Make a Big point abut it

One other thing...make sure he knows you are the Boss...not him...and that this behavior is not going to be tolerated. Go home and let him have his melt downs in a calm environment....put him in his room or a safe place but don't give him a lot of attention about it. Maybe if he knows, it won't bother you ...he'll learn that his aggressiveness or tantrums are not working.

Just some thoughts. It is hard but hang in there....I know you are doing your best. I think a lot has to do with being 2 and he probably has a very strong will. But, remember....his is the child and you are the parent. If he acts like this...put him in the car and go home. Don't reward him after he acts like this.

And, of course, after the meltdown and things have calmed down...give him hugs and kisses.

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

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From: beachbodytan2002 <beachbodytan2002 >Subject: ( ) aggressive tot - looking for ideas Date: Sunday, July 27, 2008, 7:43 AM

he's almost 21 months old and very sweet and loving. He can say a few words that if you listen really well, you can just about understand him. My concern with him is when he's told the no word, or to stop him from doing something he can't do. he become so angry he get's physically aggressive with me or others, or bangs his head. at the park, he wanted to drink from another child's cup. it was different from the one he was holding and I had to first ' ask him for it back ' then I had to take it before he but the other child's cup to his mouth. I also reminded him he has his own cup that he just throw. I picked up his cup and offered it back to him but instead he grabbed my arm and dug his nails into it and wanted to bite it. when I pulled my arm back, he throw himself to the ground and screamed so loud. the only thing to do at that point is wait till his explosive behavior was finished. (and I had to watch he didn't start with banging his head). When finished, we all went to go get something to eat. while eating, I told him not to throw his fries on the floor (they also went far too). He got so mad about me telling him what he can't do - then throw another one - I said "eat your fries, don't throw them". he then started to throw another piece of food. at that point I started to move his food away from him so he can't continue to throw it and I was going to feed him myself. As I started to move it away, that's when he grabbed the food, my arm too, and throw all his food to the floor and became so much more angry that he started to bang his little head. food was everywhere and he was now screaming because he wanted to throw his fries. He would eat one, and throw another... What have you all done with a tot under 2 with these behaviors. time outs only work for this baby while in time out. then when he out, he is fine until I have to stop him from doing something that a child his age can't do so he doesn't get hurt, break something, or talk something from someone else. What have you all done?. my main concern is when he's angry, He wants to hurt you and will rip your hair OUT..MOM says this is normal for the terrible 2's. ThanksRose Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up for FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

[Guest guest]

he's almost 21 months old and very sweet and loving. He can say a

few words that if you listen really well, you can just about

understand him. My concern with him is when he's told the no word,

or to stop him from doing something he can't do. he become so angry

he get's physically aggressive with me or others, or bangs his head.

at the park, he wanted to drink from another child's cup. it was

different from the one he was holding and I had to first ' ask him

for it back ' then I had to take it before he but the other child's

cup to his mouth. I also reminded him he has his own cup that he

just throw. I picked up his cup and offered it back to him but

instead he grabbed my arm and dug his nails into it and wanted to

bite it. when I pulled my arm back, he throw himself to the ground

and screamed so loud. the only thing to do at that point is wait

till his explosive behavior was finished. (and I had to watch he

didn't start with banging his head). When finished, we all went to

go get something to eat. while eating, I told him not to throw his

fries on the floor (they also went far too). He got so mad about me

telling him what he can't do - then throw another one - I said " eat

your fries, don't throw them " . he then started to throw another

piece of food. at that point I started to move his food away from

him so he can't continue to throw it and I was going to feed him

myself. As I started to move it away, that's when he grabbed the

food, my arm too, and throw all his food to the floor and became so

much more angry that he started to bang his little head. food was

everywhere and he was now screaming because he wanted to throw his

fries. He would eat one, and throw another...

What have you all done with a tot under 2 with these behaviors. time

outs only work for this baby while in time out. then when he out, he

is fine until I have to stop him from doing something that a child

his age can't do so he doesn't get hurt, break something, or talk

something from someone else. What have you all done?. my main

concern is when he's angry, He wants to hurt you and will rip your

hair OUT..MOM says this is normal for the terrible 2's.

Thanks

Rose

[Guest guest]

Thanks, all great ideas. I will keep trying. the terrible 2's can be tough.. Rosetroyfamily@... wrote: What Jan is saying is right on! Applied Behavior Analysis (ABA) is based on the ideas of reinforcing positive behavior and ignoring but not punishing bad behavior. Praise good behavior highly and figure out some reinforcements to use. It doesn't have to be food. It could just be to use a special

toy. Elaine Definitely take him way from wherever he is acting out. If at Mc's, don't get fries to take home. Just go. He may or may not want to go to playground or Mcs. They could be too noisy or too stimulating otherwise. In a message dated 7/27/2008 10:37:37 A.M. Eastern Daylight Time, jrushen writes: I'm no expert...but if you are in a park and he starts acting like this...can you just pick him up and leave....or if you are say at Mc's and he starts throwing his fries...just get a bag and go home....maybe after a few time he will get

the fact that he can't act like this. Part may be the terrible 2's or maybe he is over-stimulated... Also, what about rewarding and really, really praising him when he does something Good! Make a Big point abut it One other thing...make sure he knows you are the Boss...not him...and that this behavior is not going to be tolerated. Go home and let him have his melt downs in a calm environment....put him in his room or a safe place but don't give him a lot of attention about it. Maybe if he knows, it won't bother you ...he'll learn that his aggressiveness or tantrums are not working. Just some thoughts. It is hard but hang in there....I know you are doing your best. I think a lot has to do with being 2 and he probably has a very strong will. But, remember....his is the child and you are the parent. If he acts like this...put him in the

car and go home. Don't reward him after he acts like this. And, of course, after the meltdown and things have calmed down...give him hugs and kisses. Jan Janice Rushen Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant, Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt, Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide, Student, Believer, and Giver. --- On

Sun, 7/27/08, beachbodytan2002 <beachbodytan2002 > wrote: From: beachbodytan2002 <beachbodytan2002 >Subject: ( ) aggressive tot - looking for ideas Date: Sunday, July 27, 2008, 7:43 AM he's almost 21 months old and very sweet and loving. He can say a few words that if you listen really well, you can just about understand him. My concern with him is when he's told the no word, or to stop him from doing something he can't do. he become so angry he get's physically aggressive with me or others, or bangs his head. at the park, he wanted to drink from another child's cup. it was different from the one he was holding and I had to first ' ask him for it back ' then I had to take it before he but the other

child's cup to his mouth. I also reminded him he has his own cup that he just throw. I picked up his cup and offered it back to him but instead he grabbed my arm and dug his nails into it and wanted to bite it. when I pulled my arm back, he throw himself to the ground and screamed so loud. the only thing to do at that point is wait till his explosive behavior was finished. (and I had to watch he didn't start with banging his head). When finished, we all went to go get something to eat. while eating, I told him not to throw his fries on the floor (they also went far too). He got so mad about me telling him what he can't do - then throw another one - I said "eat your fries, don't throw them". he then started to throw another piece of food. at that point I started to move his food away from him so he can't continue to throw it and I was going to feed him myself. As I started to move it away, that's when he grabbed the

food, my arm too, and throw all his food to the floor and became so much more angry that he started to bang his little head. food was everywhere and he was now screaming because he wanted to throw his fries. He would eat one, and throw another... What have you all done with a tot under 2 with these behaviors. time outs only work for this baby while in time out. then when he out, he is fine until I have to stop him from doing something that a child his age can't do so he doesn't get hurt, break something, or talk something from someone else. What have you all done?. my main concern is when he's angry, He wants to hurt you and will rip your hair OUT..MOM says this is normal for the terrible 2's. ThanksRose Get fantasy football with free live scoring. Sign up for FanHouse Fantasy Football today.

[Guest guest]

What have you all done?. my main

> concern is when he's angry, He wants to hurt you and will rip your

> hair OUT..MOM says this is normal for the terrible 2's.

> Thanks

> Rose

Both my kids were impossible at this age. One was entirely nonverbal

and developmentally 0-3 mos at age 2 and the other is HFA and in both

cases I didn't think I was going to make it as their mom... It's very

very difficult.

I would say first of all remember that all behavior is an attempt at

communication. for my kids, the excessive aggression was a result of

undiagnosed medical problems. A DAN doctor, or one who is qualified

and experienced at treating the medical problems associated with

autism, would be my first stop.

The other thing I did was set up our lives so that the things that

triggered tantrums and meltdowns were as minimal as possible. That

meant that our lives and activities were very limited. I didn't take

my son to stores, didn't take him to things other kids would enjoy,

really protected them from sensory overwhelm and neurologically-based

meltdowns. I tried to give them everything I possibly could that

they did want, and not put them into situations where I'd have to say

no as much as possible. It was very very limiting and difficult but

it made life a little more bearable.

I really didn't see much change until I addressed the medical stuff

at their age though, and I don't know how much progress a child can

make in behavior therapy if the cause of their behavior is pain or

discomfort that they can't express verbally, so I'd check into that

if I were you.

Also, a network of support of AS parents like this one is VITAL. It

was incredibly depressing and frustrating for me to not have any

friends who were dealing with the same thing, and be living in a

neighborhood full of happy normal toddlers and their equally happy

proud parents. The trips to the park were very difficult for me

emotionally. I lived online somewhat.

Amy

[Guest guest]

Jan, that does make sense. I will remember that for the next time he is here and share that thought with him mom. Roserushen janice <jrushen@...> wrote: Rose.... Don't call them time out but he probably needs to de-escalate.....so he can lay on the bed or the floor or somewhere calm. Let him meltdown ....he might be overstimulated or tired. I send my son who is 12 3/4 to

his room to calm down...it is like time out but I don't call it that...usually he act like this when he is overstimulated or tired or something happened in school and he has not released his feelings.....so he goes to his room ....lays on his bed and has often fallen asleep ....after his fits. He is probably so angry he doesn't know how to handle it... Good luck and keep strong. Jan Janice Rushen Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant, Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt, Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide, Student, Believer, and Giver. From: beachbodytan2002 <beachbodytan2002>Subject: ( ) aggressive tot - looking for ideas Date: Sunday, July 27, 2008, 7:43 AM he's almost 21 months old and very sweet and loving. He can say a few words that if you listen really well, you can just about understand him. My concern with him is when he's told the no word, or to stop him from doing something he can't do. he become so angry he get's physically aggressive with me or others, or bangs his head. at the park, he wanted to drink from another child's cup. it was different from the one he was holding and I had to first ' ask him for it back ' then I had to take

it before he but the other child's cup to his mouth. I also reminded him he has his own cup that he just throw. I picked up his cup and offered it back to him but instead he grabbed my arm and dug his nails into it and wanted to bite it. when I pulled my arm back, he throw himself to the ground and screamed so loud. the only thing to do at that point is wait till his explosive behavior was finished. (and I had to watch he didn't start with banging his head). When finished, we all went to go get something to eat. while eating, I told him not to throw his fries on the floor (they also went far too). He got so mad about me telling him what he can't do - then throw another one - I said "eat your fries, don't throw them". he then started to throw another piece of food. at that point I started to move his food away from him so he can't continue to throw it and I was going to feed him myself. As I started to move it away,

that's when he grabbed the food, my arm too, and throw all his food to the floor and became so much more angry that he started to bang his little head. food was everywhere and he was now screaming because he wanted to throw his fries. He would eat one, and throw another... What have you all done with a tot under 2 with these behaviors. time outs only work for this baby while in time out. then when he out, he is fine until I have to stop him from doing something that a child his age can't do so he doesn't get hurt, break something, or talk something from someone else. What have you all done?. my main concern is when he's angry, He wants to hurt you and will rip your hair OUT..MOM says this is normal for the terrible 2's. ThanksRose

[Guest guest]

Here is an example of a sensory diet.

http://www.mindspring.com/~dgn/sensory.htmLooking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

Hi, I'm sure his mom would find this very interesting. I will print it out and give it to her (wish she had a computer). thanks for sending me this information !. Roseppanda65@... wrote: Here is an example of a sensory diet. http://www.mindspring.com/~dgn/sensory.htm Looking for a car that's

sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

Here are other good links of information.

Signs of SI Dysfunction

Sensory Integration Activities: Turning Therapy Into PlayLooking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

I started reading the first link and it brought back too many memories of my son when he was younger !. boy do I wish I had this information back then. so sad, its so available and not that many parents know about these sites. I also see how many things my son has progress with. also, I can see a few that he regresses back too - but corrected immediately. but now that he's 11, I get the mouth with it too. He told me I hate boys and that's why I'm picking on him. We were shopping (we had to do food shopping) and he was touching everything and standing in front of my view to choose what we needed. I told him to stop and move. boy !. you would think I was a monster with what he was saying to me. I tried to distract him by asking him to get me some milk. He said, now I'm your slave !. If we didn't need to go food shopping I would have left.

his mouth was amazing. He still needs the sensory stuff and loves/needs/craves to jump on the trampoline. it explained it in the other site you sent - and I also see it with the baby I watch. but so much relates to my son too. It said something about - not exact wording - when he's unbearable- sensory overload - let him swing, spin, jump, etc... and it works. When he comes off the trampoline. He is calm again. there is so much more that I know you've heard it all or seen it all before. but what concerns me is that I see this little baby doing so much the same as my son when he was young. the only difference is he is just starting to say a few words at 21 months, and my son didn't till he was 3. this baby also has to be kept very busy and distracted at the first sign of an outburst to prevent it from getting full blown. anyway, my point of this whole post is: once a parent is aware, then getting early interventions, being consistent and giving that little push, continuing all the interventions, therapy, skills classes, proper socializing is critical !!! - in the long run, it is so worth it. The supermarket where I go shopping, there is a house there that houses a few kids (only takes 10) that their parents can't handle anymore. these kids didn't have the interventions or they weren't as available back then as now for them. I can see the difference. *getting back to your link. This is lots of good information for the mom. She made it clear, she's not getting him any services "God only knows why " but I think she will read these links that I'm going to print out for her. MAYBE after reading them and relating to them with her son, she'll have a change of mind. If not - they will

catch it in school and this baby will just have a harder time adjusting as well as the other kids adjusting to him.. thank you Roseppanda65@... wrote: Here are other good links of information. Signs of SI Dysfunction Sensory

Integration Activities: Turning Therapy Into Play Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos.

[Guest guest]

Thank you ...these site look vey interesting....I know my son has sensory issues and the OT at school is going to work with him to show him some things he can do....it is written in his IEP. The only thing I need to change is that in the beginnng he will need someone to remind him to take the breaks...he won't be able to do it by himself...

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: ppanda65@... <ppanda65@...>Subject: Re: ( ) aggressive tot - looking for ideas Date: Saturday, August 2, 2008, 4:57 AM

Here are other good links of information.

Signs of SI Dysfunction

Sensory Integration Activities: Turning Therapy Into Play

Looking for a car that's sporty, fun and fits in your budget? Read reviews on AOL Autos.