Re: ive decided this is not AS

[Guest guest]

((((((((hugs)))))))) I soooooo know how you’re feeling at the

moment.

Thinking of you,

a

-----Original

Message-----

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of watergurleblu

Sent: 19

February 2009

04:22

To:

Subject: ( ) ive

decided this is not AS

my 12 yr old daughter is aggressive, verbally abusive, angry,

destructive, and thinks i am stupid.

so ive decided this is not AS anymore. i have no idea what it is.maybe

my parenting. maybe ive been too easy or too strict.maybe ive bought

her too much or not enough.maybe ive fought with this school too much

or not enough.maybe ive taken her to too many therapists or not enough.

maybe she shouldnt be on medicine, or needs more, or a different kind,

or maybe i just need to take medicine.maybe it is just me.i should just

read her mind and know exactly how to react at her every whim to keep

peace and not upset her.

she is officially diagnosed aspergers anxiety ODD OCD possible bipolar.

*sigh*

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[Guest guest]

You have aspie parenthood burnout. As if neurotypical parenting isn't hard enough. It gets totally exhausting. You need a break, even for an hour or two, outside in some sun if possible......Go do something else for a bit? When I get like this, I do housework, maybe clean just one room so it looks nice, I can go be in that room, and at least in that one room of the house all is peaceful and in order and the way it should be in life............Cup of herbal tea, warm space heater warming up my feet, and a newspaper...... then pretend everything is normal in your house.......- Original Message -----

From: watergurleblu

Sent: Wednesday, February 18, 2009 8:21 PM

Subject: ( ) ive decided this is not AS

my 12 yr old daughter is aggressive, verbally abusive, angry, destructive, and thinks i am stupid.so ive decided this is not AS anymore. i have no idea what it is.maybe my parenting. maybe ive been too easy or too strict.maybe ive bought her too much or not enough.maybe ive fought with this school too much or not enough.maybe ive taken her to too many therapists or not enough. maybe she shouldnt be on medicine, or needs more, or a different kind, or maybe i just need to take medicine.maybe it is just me.i should just read her mind and know exactly how to react at her every whim to keep peace and not upset her. she is officially diagnosed aspergers anxiety ODD OCD possible bipolar.*sigh*

[Guest guest]

The ODD is the most difficult, it's not your fault!

[Guest guest]

Wow. I feel for you. I am sitting here at my office this morning thinking what

is really wrong

with my kid. He is defiant, no motivation, angry, no respect, etc, etc. Is it

the Asperger's,

ADD, or something totally different that everyone is missing. Or is he just a

spoiled wrotten

kid. Very frustrating for us moms who see the behavior first hand every day. I

have found

most doctors, teachers, etc. don't take it as seriously as we do. It is our

kid's future we feel is

at risk and our quality of family life.

Take a break and some time for your self if you can. I always find chatting with

a good friend

helps me feel better. Unfortunately often we feel like we are in this all alone.

[Guest guest]

What is ODD?

Conni

[Guest guest]

Oppositional Defiant Disorder

>

> What is ODD?

> Conni

>

[Guest guest]

Yes, me too. My daughter is 11.5 . Diagnosed at 7 with PDD/ODD and "mood disorder" We/I struggle with her daily and exhausting issues, walking on eggshells, not knowing what will set her off(or when), who or what is the target this time. School and outside social issues complicate the picture too. And, looking for the times that she is balanced and happy and sweet, a joy to be with! Yes, we do the psychiatrist/therapist/med roller coaster too. We like the psychiatrist and have stayed with her for 4 years. Our first therapist was great for those early years.Then as grew and changed, at age 11, last summer, we switched to a psychologist sho specialized in AS and BP. So far so good.

Yes, we chose to use meds to help stabilize. We have weathered many adjustment periods, trying several before one "worked" and increasing dosages, and then adding another to "tweak" the response. is currently on Adderal 10mg, Zoloft 100mg, Lithobid 600mg in the morning. Evening meds are Abilify 10mg, Geodon 40mg, and Lithobid 600mg. This regime has been keeping her balanced since April 2008, kept the cycling manageable, and helped her have a more realistic perspective and learn.

But today, I am like you, just worn out... I try so hard to keep calm and balanced in responding to her, keeping behavioral principles in mind, trying not to set her off any more, that I get tunnel vision. My husband pointed out that her cycling is more rapid, even over the 4 hours after school, and he is right..I took today off from work, just to feel better myself...and it worked!

Can you get a little respite for yourself? Wander around the mall, not even buying anything? Go for a walk? Just a change of routine for a bit may help....

Jillian

From: watergurleblu <watergurleblu@...>Subject: ( ) ive decided this is not AS Date: Wednesday, February 18, 2009, 11:21 PM

my 12 yr old daughter is aggressive, verbally abusive, angry, destructive, and thinks i am stupid.so ive decided this is not AS anymore. i have no idea what it is.maybe my parenting. maybe ive been too easy or too strict.maybe ive bought her too much or not enough.maybe ive fought with this school too much or not enough.maybe ive taken her to too many therapists or not enough. maybe she shouldnt be on medicine, or needs more, or a different kind, or maybe i just need to take medicine.maybe it is just me.i should just read her mind and know exactly how to react at her every whim to keep peace and not upset her. she is officially diagnosed aspergers anxiety ODD OCD possible bipolar.*sigh*

[Guest guest]

>

> my 12 yr old daughter is aggressive, verbally abusive, angry,

> destructive, and thinks i am stupid.

> so ive decided this is not AS anymore. i have no idea what it is.maybe

> my parenting. maybe ive been too easy or too strict.maybe ive bought

> her too much or not enough.maybe ive fought with this school too much

> or not enough.maybe ive taken her to too many therapists or not enough.

> maybe she shouldnt be on medicine, or needs more, or a different kind,

> or maybe i just need to take medicine.maybe it is just me.i should just

> read her mind and know exactly how to react at her every whim to keep

> peace and not upset her.

> she is officially diagnosed aspergers anxiety ODD OCD possible bipolar.

> *sigh*

i don't know what to say but i feel your pain. No matter what you do,

somebody will point their finger at you and say you should have done

the opposite. all the people that aren't dealing with it--and never

will have to--think they know all the answers. after awhile you start

to wonder if you are crazy. but you aren't, you know! --Ruth

[Guest guest]

>

> He is defiant, no motivation, angry, no respect, etc, etc.

Thing is guys--your child probably ISN'T all those things. There are

physical disabilities he/she has that cause inability to do everyday

things, which nobody understands--including the child him/herself,

which in turn leads to extreme frustration and anxiety. You must have

faith in your child. Have faith that there are understandable reasons

for his or her behavior that you just haven't found yet.

Some examples from my own 14yo son with Asperger...

He refuses to do much of anything with his hands or even to physically

move around very much. He does everything physical very slowly. He

won't fix himself things to eat, wants to just sit and watch his

labmates do all the work in science and just write down the answers,

etc. He would throw fits if I tried to put him in kiddie sports when

he was little. When he was 12, we found out he had severe

developmental coordination disorder. To look at him, he just appears

a little clumsy. We had no idea. He has severe delays in manual

dexterity, bilateral coordination (top/bottom) and moderate delays in

right-left coordination. No one found it before the comprehensive OT

eval because he has excellent fine and gross motor skills in general,

and that is what screening tests usually look for.

He has always " refused " to do homework or chores around the house,

gotten comments " doesn't follow directions " from teachers--turns out

he has executive dysfunction, language problems, relatively slow

processing speed, weak working memory, poor emotional control and

social awareness caused by neurological dysfunction/damage. If things

are presented to him in the right way, he is suddenly not so

oppositional anymore.

So, lots of hugs--it is a long journey. All you can do is try to

think of the right questions to ask and someone to ask them of. You

can start with us!

Ruth