Re: After School functioning

[Guest guest]

Yeah...my son now says...mom...don't call me...text me!!! These kids live on the cellphone, computer (aim)(myspace) and Xbox live or on the phone playing runescape with each other. My son constantly texts saying ..."HEY" or "WHATS UP".....

They are constantly going and going and everything has to be "FAST" and more updated electronics!!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

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From: carolynsuelowerychattanooga <sue@...>Subject: ( ) Re: After School functioning Date: Wednesday, July 23, 2008, 9:31 AM

Yes, isn't all of parenthood (and cellphones) a blessing and a curse! Because we have had a lifetime of being his "buddy" we are so ready for him to learn to depend on HIMSELF and friends. Some of it too, is the way this darn "younger generation" uses a phone. LOL! I see it in my granddaughter' s incessant texting and the way DS calls friends with, "whatcha doin'?" "nothin" and they then stay on the phone for 30 minutes, sometimes not even talking! He might be watching TV or playing a video game with phone on his ear connected to his friend.I can talk my share too, but if I have nothing to say or am busy, drives me crazy!Thanks for your reply, we are thrilled that he is in school. He came home recently for a two week summer break and we were afraid he wouldn't want to go back...nope, he was packed up two days in advance. I am more thankful for JobCorps and this opportunity than I

can ever express.Sue in Tennessee> >> > Sue,> > > > is also way too dependent on me. I have just gotten to go out > without him and leave him alone....although. ..he will constantly call > me on the cell. He went over to the neighbor's house and I told him I > was going out w/ my neighbor friend to the store. When he came home, > he immediately called me...where are you...blah blah.>

[Guest guest]

My son was first dx ADHD in 3rd grade and then at the beginning of 6th is was PDD NOS and by January they changed it to AS. I still see a lot of the ADHD in him as well as the AS. So, I still think he is both or a mixture or maybe they run into each other.

How old is you son/daughter?

Yes,

I have heard of this ...being consistent, limiting tv and game time, computer time...

And, I agree....to an extent....all his friends who are Nts' are doing the same thing...so do I limit him and then what? Who does he hang with? We live in the country and it is summer...he won't go to camp....day or sleepover....and to be honest...I am EXHAUSTED. I can't run him all over town and don't have the money to do it. He won't read. So, he goes on Xbox Live or Runescape. I don't think it's just our kids...it is all of them.

But when school starts ...rules will be in place. It is summer and we are recovering from a great loss. My son just wants to be social and have friends....he doesn't really care about anything but that...so is he an Aspies? IDK....

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: atwhetston <atwhetston@...>Subject: ( ) Re: After School functioning Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 4:15 PM

I see a lot of posts of parents frustrations here and I don't see many that talk about giving children limitations in tv, games etc.. My son is now 15 and is living proof that modifications within the home actually do work.. Sure it is a lotta work but you have to really be consistent and not just say "you are going to".. The key is consistence and organization. .. Give rewards to and mean it.. Encourage their teachers to work with rewards as I have found that although these may be immature for many parents with teachers these actually still work very well...Unfortunately Aspergers and ADD children see things totally different than we do, so the sooner everyone starts to really look into creating a more strict guideline within the family the better and more productivity you will have in the long run. He does come home burned out, but this is mostly for NOT being organized and rushed until

the last minute.. The school structure here has A days and B days.. We have 2 bags for him one for each day grouping so he never messes up on his books or gets forgetful. I write to his teachers on a weekly basis to get updates on everything, write it on a calendar and also give reminders on a calendar as to when a due date is approaching so he doesn't miss it.. Also we try to get everything done as it comes in so that his disability doesn't get in the way and leave most things till the last minute.. he sees and feels relief with this being out of the way and the teacher's praise is definitely worth it also.We only give my son game priviledges on weekends for 1 1/2-2 hours max.. TV only after dinner if sitting as a family.. Homework is done straight after school.. Putting child also into tutoring classes helps also to keep them on check with class work. Having an IEP in place definitely.

Also gluten free foods really do help.. We limit sugar intake, hardly any soda's in his diet unless we go out for lunch/dinner on weekends..Unfortunately Aspergers and ADD children are vulnerable personality children that attract the not so kind people and kids.. My son has been beaten, abused, name called, you name it he has had it.. But the fact is that he doesn't succumb to any of this bullying within the school and is a very well mannered young kid with great grades..Remind them to count to 10 before they speak, and by all means be patient when we enter their world as it is very different... We have read so many great books on helping out and most of them are also ADD books as the link ties them both together.. I would be very interested to know how many Asperger children also have ADD/ADHD like mine.>> I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after > returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and > is burnt out and needs space....> > He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite > my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would > fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to > talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a > little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no > bullying or teasing. > > Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger > and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they > believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never

> dream of speaking to them like he does me). > > So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but > the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but I > am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!> > They hold themselves together at school....but when they get > home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing > or anger or just spacing out....> > Any thoughts?> > Jan>

[Guest guest]

Oh what a good laugh you gave me....just spit it out and he did!! Too cute in a way....last night my son said how do you spell LIVE (line in live entertainment)..so I told him...and he said I thought that was Live (likehow we live our lives) . Yes, our English language is very very difficult....and i told him this.

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: gina <ginak1117@...>Subject: Re: ( ) After School functioning Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 2:54 PM

> > >> > > > > > >> YES! My son

could trip over his own feet, and yell at someone else> about it. If he can't get his words out the way he wants, he gets> angry and says "you made me forget what I was trying to say" in a very> mad, frustrated voice. I think I read that this is common is AS in> the books (Tony Atwood I think).>Amy,Thanks for reassuring me that my son is not just a liar. I can't stand liars and I am always explaining to him that lying is bad and how telling the truth makes people trust you and I told him about the boy who cried wolf, but he takes everything that I say so literally that he probably thinks a boy really cried out wolf. Ha Ha. So sad but sometimes funny. One time he was trying to tell me a story and he just couldnt get the words out so I said spit it out Collin and he literally spit at me.Ha Ha. Guess that will teach me. It amazes me how these kids are so much alike. I have

no one to talk to and compare situations with until now. So thankful I came across this site. I just finally got a computer and got on line after all these years. Guess Ive been so busy with my son that I just fell behind the times. Ha. Ha. Sometimes I feel like its been years since I have had a life of my own. I guess it has been 10yrs any way. Keep in touch and thanks for listening. Kinde.

[Guest guest]

I think you're right about consistancy and limitations....and this is true for anyone. Most of us live and deal better when things are consistant.

I'm much easier on the computers, etc. I guess I look at it as if the others can watch a movie,,,,,and Ian doesn't want to,,,,then he should be able to spend that time on the computer. We've never imposed times for those things. Just required them to help when we ask and get out of the house and do stuff...........for 3 of them, it's not an issue. For Ian,,,,,,,he swims, bikes, will search the creek for tadpoles, etc,,,,,,but he's counting down his time to come in the whole while, I'm sure. ehe hee.

I also think that, as far as consistancy goes,,,,,,they (we all) have to be able to live without consistancy, too, though. We have to be able to wing it. Have to.

So,,,,,,,,,,,I think it's good to, as much as we have to provide a good environment that makes them feel safe,,,,,,,we have to also let them live a life of, "suppers gonna be late" or "sorry,,,,,,we're not gonna be home for compurter for a few more hours" or "sure,,,,,stay on the computer all day"........ya know?

It's a hard (unfound by me) balance btwn providing exactly what he wants/needs and what he needs to learn to deal with. Ick.

Robin

Normal is just a cycle on a washing machine!!

From: atwhetston <atwhetston@...>Subject: ( ) Re: After School functioning Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 3:15 PM

I see a lot of posts of parents frustrations here and I don't see many that talk about giving children limitations in tv, games etc.. My son is now 15 and is living proof that modifications within the home actually do work.. Sure it is a lotta work but you have to really be consistent and not just say "you are going to".. The key is consistence and organization. .. Give rewards to and mean it.. Encourage their teachers to work with rewards as I have found that although these may be immature for many parents with teachers these actually still work very well...Unfortunately Aspergers and ADD children see things totally different than we do, so the sooner everyone starts to really look into creating a more strict guideline within the family the better and more productivity you will have in the long run. He does come home burned out, but this is mostly for NOT being organized and rushed until

the last minute.. The school structure here has A days and B days.. We have 2 bags for him one for each day grouping so he never messes up on his books or gets forgetful. I write to his teachers on a weekly basis to get updates on everything, write it on a calendar and also give reminders on a calendar as to when a due date is approaching so he doesn't miss it.. Also we try to get everything done as it comes in so that his disability doesn't get in the way and leave most things till the last minute.. he sees and feels relief with this being out of the way and the teacher's praise is definitely worth it also.We only give my son game priviledges on weekends for 1 1/2-2 hours max.. TV only after dinner if sitting as a family.. Homework is done straight after school.. Putting child also into tutoring classes helps also to keep them on check with class work. Having an IEP in place definitely.

Also gluten free foods really do help.. We limit sugar intake, hardly any soda's in his diet unless we go out for lunch/dinner on weekends..Unfortunately Aspergers and ADD children are vulnerable personality children that attract the not so kind people and kids.. My son has been beaten, abused, name called, you name it he has had it.. But the fact is that he doesn't succumb to any of this bullying within the school and is a very well mannered young kid with great grades..Remind them to count to 10 before they speak, and by all means be patient when we enter their world as it is very different... We have read so many great books on helping out and most of them are also ADD books as the link ties them both together.. I would be very interested to know how many Asperger children also have ADD/ADHD like mine.>> I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after > returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and > is burnt out and needs space....> > He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite > my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would > fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to > talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a > little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no > bullying or teasing. > > Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger > and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they > believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never

> dream of speaking to them like he does me). > > So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but > the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but I > am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!> > They hold themselves together at school....but when they get > home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing > or anger or just spacing out....> > Any thoughts?> > Jan>

[Guest guest]

> >

> > I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home

> after

> > returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home

> and

> > is burnt out and needs space....

> >

> > He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically

> bite

> > my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He

> would

> > fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready

to

> > talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a

> > little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no

> > bullying or teasing.

> >

> > Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger

> > and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they

> > believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never

> > dream of speaking to them like he does me).

> >

> > So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort

zone....but

> > the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting

angry....but

> I

> > am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!

> >

> > They hold themselves together at school....but when they get

> > home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru

pacing

> > or anger or just spacing out....

> >

> > Any thoughts?

> >

> > Jan

> >

>

I just wanted to comment on consistancy and limitations. With Collin

his whole day revolves around consistancy. He wants to do the same

things at the same time every day. Such as breakfast same time, same

thing, lunch same time and PBand J sandwich, etc.. shower day, bed

time, medicine time and the list goes on and on. Collin is the

consistant one in the family. I try to break him away from some of

them. He needs to know that the world will not end if he takes a

shower on tuesday instead of monday especially during the summer. He

lives on schedules which is great to be organized but he can be too

organized so I find myself trying to throw a few curve balls in

during our day, nothing major because that would cause him too much

stress but just little things like maybe a ham sandwich at lunch or

maybe staying up an hour longer because its summer time. He is

getting much better than what he use to be,much better but he still

has his moments and always will. It amazes me how much our children

are alike. When I read your comments from all of the parents it

sounds like you are talking about my son. Such as the moodiness

after school, having to tell me everytime he has to go to the

bathroom, the uncontrollable impulses , I didnt realize that most

aspies were the same in many ways. I am relieved to know that these

are the norm to them. I am so glad I found this site.

Thank You for being out there, Im really not alone.

thanks again, (collins mom)

[Guest guest]

what you are describing sounds a lot like my daughter. We've

had to set up an elaborate system of how I can approach her with a

question or saying something. If I just walk into a room and start a

sentence she gets VERY upset and angry. She also perceives that most

things that go wrong ARE someone else's fault. For example, if she

hears what I say a certain way due to her CAPD, that's her reality.

I used to say " but I said,... " and try to point out that wasn't what

I really did say, and it really wasn't helpful. Now I validate her

experience like " Oh, ok, you heard me say, ... " and then either say,

well what I meant for you to hear was... or even apologize that she

heard it wrong the first time. It's not exactly accurate but it

really is her reality that she's perceiving the world differently

than it is sometimes, in my perspective, so it works a lot better for

her when I honor that fact.

Some of the stuff you're dealing with more recently sounds like my

daughter used to be as well. If you're interested in referrals or

info on biomedical please email me off list. She's made amazing

improvements in that regard although obviously still struggles with a

lot of basic stuff. It's just a lot easier to deal with when it's

not quite so intense.

Thanks so much for sharing the story. It's so helpful for me to

realize this really IS autism and I'm not crazy.

Amy

[Guest guest]

> >

> >

> YES! My son could trip over his own feet, and yell at someone else

> about it. If he can't get his words out the way he wants, he gets

> angry and says " you made me forget what I was trying to say " in a very

> mad, frustrated voice. I think I read that this is common is AS in

> the books (Tony Atwood I think).

What happens if you respond by saying, " I'm so sorry! Can you tell me

how I did that, so I make sure not to do it next time? "

I'm asking because when I started doing that I thought it would stop my

daughter in her tracks, because she'd realize, in trying to explain how

it was my fault, that I really didn't do anything and it really wasn't

my fault. But the explanations she had blew me away. I didn't realize

how sensitive she was and I really had done or said something or not

oprevented something or just not noticed something about her

environment that had made her forget (or whatever she was accusing me

of) - something I would never have been aware of or guessed in a

million years.

Amy

[Guest guest]

Amy, you also described my son. he can sometimes take a sentence or something someone said to him so literally that he gets the main point ' different '. sometimes getting into trouble for it. > one day at school, the teacher told the class they should be more responsible in 5th grade. so they don't need notes from the parents anymore with a change in routine - like if your not taking the bus home and a parent would pick you up instead. you don't need a note, just do it. but my son took that as, if he didn't want to take the bus home and go to the YMCA, he should be responsible to make that choice. I found this all out when he didn't get off the school bus and no one knew where he was). that was the first time he did that -ever- right after the teacher explained you all should know where your going. so he did, he decided to go to the YMCA. Somehow, after that, they all were told

they still need to bring in the note. also, same with a joke. when he was told a joke, he would laugh. one time I asked he to explain the joke to me. when he explained what he understood, it had nothing to do with the joke but the way he explained it back to me could of made " another " funny joke because it was kind of funny - yet, not related to the joke that was told to him..Amy <noahsmom7898@...> wrote: what you are describing sounds a lot like my daughter. We've had to set up an

elaborate system of how I can approach her with a question or saying something. If I just walk into a room and start a sentence she gets VERY upset and angry. She also perceives that most things that go wrong ARE someone else's fault. For example, if she hears what I say a certain way due to her CAPD, that's her reality. I used to say "but I said,..." and try to point out that wasn't what I really did say, and it really wasn't helpful. Now I validate her experience like "Oh, ok, you heard me say, ..." and then either say, well what I meant for you to hear was... or even apologize that she heard it wrong the first time. It's not exactly accurate but it really is her reality that she's perceiving the world differently than it is sometimes, in my perspective, so it works a lot better for her when I honor that fact.Some of the stuff you're dealing with more recently sounds like my daughter used to be as well. If

you're interested in referrals or info on biomedical please email me off list. She's made amazing improvements in that regard although obviously still struggles with a lot of basic stuff. It's just a lot easier to deal with when it's not quite so intense.Thanks so much for sharing the story. It's so helpful for me to realize this really IS autism and I'm not crazy.Amy

[Guest guest]

Much later on when you think back. somethings are cute and funny. but not while it's happening. This has happened 2 other times when there was a change in routine. He forgot and didn't come home and went to the other meeting place. Now, I ask him to write it down so he can check - before he leaves the school.. Amy <noahsmom7898@...> wrote: >> but my son took that as, if he didn't want to take the bus home and go to the YMCA, he should be responsible to make that choice. I found this all out when he didn't get off the school bus and no one knew where he was). omg that must have been so scary, until you figured it out. That is exactly what happens here - "but you said..." It's really sweet and sometimes hilarious, when it's not terrifying or frustrating.Amy