Re: After School functioning

[Guest guest]

We had the same exact issue Jan and ours started in K-4 before we knew about Asperger's. School would have the angel and we would get a very angry little boy who you couldn't please. After getting our diagnosis we knew he would hold it in during the day and because he felt comfortable to be who he was at home, he let it all out.

It did get better after he got his own academic aide and the school realized that Gage couldn't function in the regular classroom but did wonderful work in the Learning Resource Room where it was quiet and not alot of commotion and distractions going on. He still needs one on one to do his work but he doesn't come home angry or upset anymore. Thankfully we have a wonderful elementary school that strives to do the best for each and every child but the parents have got to be involved!

Hope this helps.

Sue

From: jrushen <jrushen@...>Subject: ( ) After School functioning Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 5:52 AM

I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and is burnt out and needs space....He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no bullying or teasing. Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never dream of speaking to them like he does me). So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting

angry....but I am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!They hold themselves together at school....but when they get home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing or anger or just spacing out....Any thoughts?Jan

[Guest guest]

Something that really worked for our son, but was HARD on us parents

was a drum set! He would come home from school and bang and play the

drums for about thirty minutes and it really got rid of daily

tensions (for him, anyway!) It was loud and nervewracking for us,

we'd go to the other end of the house usually or take a walk. It was

also great hand-foot coordination therapy. But, our son has loved

music since he was little. I am a huge believer in music therapies of

all kinds.

Sue in TN

>

> I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home

after

> returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home

and

> is burnt out and needs space....

>

> He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically

bite

> my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He

would

> fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to

> talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a

> little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no

> bullying or teasing.

>

> Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger

> and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they

> believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never

> dream of speaking to them like he does me).

>

> So, I am wondering....I know it has to do with comfort zone....but

> the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but

I

> am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!

>

> They hold themselves together at school....but when they get

> home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing

> or anger or just spacing out....

>

> Any thoughts?

>

> Jan

>

[Guest guest]

Yes...I have told him to do that too! He plays drums in school and has a snare drom at home but never plays it....we also started him on electric guitar with lessons....but he never wanted to go...just wants to be soical.....I would rather hear the drum or guitar rather than him screaming...LOL...but I will push it again in the fall. Thanks for the remnder.

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: carolynsuelowerychattanooga <sue@...>Subject: ( ) Re: After School functioning Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 8:40 AM

Something that really worked for our son, but was HARD on us parents was a drum set! He would come home from school and bang and play the drums for about thirty minutes and it really got rid of daily tensions (for him, anyway!) It was loud and nervewracking for us, we'd go to the other end of the house usually or take a walk. It was also great hand-foot coordination therapy. But, our son has loved music since he was little. I am a huge believer in music therapies of all kinds.Sue in TN>> I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after > returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and > is burnt out and needs space....> > He used to come home and if I

spoke to him, he would practically bite > my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would > fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to > talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a > little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no > bullying or teasing. > > Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger > and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they > believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never > dream of speaking to them like he does me). > > So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but > the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but I > am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!> > They hold themselves together at school....but when

they get > home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing > or anger or just spacing out....> > Any thoughts?> > Jan>

[Guest guest]

Yes, Sue, it does. And, it makes me feel better that I had my son placed in smaller classes...pull out, spec. ed. whatever they want to call it....Inclusion just doesn't work for him. I think as you said...the noise, the distraction, all different kinds of behaviors....

So, between the smaller bus and the smaller classroom...we really might have a better year!

I am worried about putting him in this type of classroom...will he really learn??? He is not dumb ...not brilliant ...just right in the middle of the bell curve....

But he is not motivated, hates school, doesn't push himself...hates when I push him. All he wants is to be social and be on the computer or Xbox ...sort of OCD about it. He gets fustrated easily and gives up...he hates to write ...handwritting is messy because he just wants to be done with it and doesn't care what it looks like! His writing skills are poor...more like 3rd grade.

Well, I guess I am obsessing over it...Ha! ....I am going to keep my fingers crossed tht this will help and focus on one thing at a time!

thanks

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) After School functioning Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 5:52 AM

I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and is burnt out and needs space....He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no bullying or teasing. Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never dream of speaking to them like he does me). So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting

angry....but I am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!They hold themselves together at school....but when they get home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing or anger or just spacing out....Any thoughts?Jan

[Guest guest]

Gage is also average when it comes to learning but has an excellent memory. He requires someone right next to him and even then he has trouble focusing and constantly has to be redirected. He learned more in one year in the learning resource room then he did in one year of K-4 and 2 years of K-5. At the most there are probably 10 kids or less, a lot of them come and go (they may only need help in reading or math) whereas Gage needs help in all academic areas.

Gage also wants to give up even though he can see the reward he will earn if he has so many stars at the end of the week. We furnish the prizes. He has to earn 8 out of 12 stars a day. Would this work for your son?

Sue

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) After School functioning Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 5:52 AM

I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and is burnt out and needs space....He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no bullying or teasing. Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never dream of speaking to them like he does me). So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting

angry....but I am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!They hold themselves together at school....but when they get home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing or anger or just spacing out....Any thoughts?Jan

[Guest guest]

I agree completely! Elijah needs to go to his room after a long day

and veg out with his toys. I try not to take him out for any errands

after school or daycare, but that's not always possible.

One funny thing my son does is speak in a high-pitched, whiny voice

and use baby talk or one-word requests (demands) when he is at home

and especially when tired or over-stimulated. Last Weds. he talked

like this all day long and I kept reminding him to use his natural

voice. It was a very busy day with a very long OT evaluation, and 900

errands and he was ready to just be home. A kid from church

approached him at Target and in the most mature, natural voice Elijah

said " Hi ! " He had a whole conversation about the toy they were

looking at in his " normal " voice. After left, he was back to

using the high, whiny voice. It's like he can flip a switch.

As Amy said in the previous post, he won't make his needs known at

school or daycare, but at home (after decompression time) he tells me

who picked on him or said mean things to him, or what things were

really hard for him to do at school. People don't realize that

although are high functioning kids are often VERY verbal, it doesn't

mean they can communicate what they need or feel. They bottle it up,

and it has to come out some way.

>

> I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after

> returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and

> is burnt out and needs space....

>

> He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite

> my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would

> fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to

> talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a

> little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no

> bullying or teasing.

>

> Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger

> and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they

> believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never

> dream of speaking to them like he does me).

>

> So, I am wondering....I know it has to do with comfort zone....but

> the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but I

> am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!

>

> They hold themselves together at school....but when they get

> home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing

> or anger or just spacing out....

>

> Any thoughts?

>

> Jan

>

[Guest guest]

> So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but

> the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but I

> am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!

>

> They hold themselves together at school....but when they get

> home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing

> or anger or just spacing out....

>

> Any thoughts?

Our audiologist explained that for my daughter at least, she's so

exhausted from pretending and straining to listen and comprehend the NT

world for six hours that it's all she can do for the day. By Friday

she's almost ill every week, just from the stress of the school day.

But she's so bright and typical in certain ways that an autism

classroom wouldn't be the right fit for her so it's a very difficult

call.

She won't let me talk to her. She gets very upset if I'd call her name

and have some random question - what do you want for a snack, do you

have homework, etc. She would fall apart. Now we have worked out

regular check in times where she checks in with me, in case I need to

say/ask anything, and then she goes back to her imaginary world where

I'm not allowed to talk, notice or respond to her while she paces and

talks out loud.

She's really the sweetest thing in the world and describing her like

that makes it seem kind of creepy. Trying to convince her school or

her dad/stepmother that she's anything like this at all is just

impossible.

Amy

[Guest guest]

> So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but

> the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but I

> am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!

>

> They hold themselves together at school....but when they get

> home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing

> or anger or just spacing out....

>

> Any thoughts?

Our audiologist explained that for my daughter at least, she's so

exhausted from pretending and straining to listen and comprehend the NT

world for six hours that it's all she can do for the day. By Friday

she's almost ill every week, just from the stress of the school day.

But she's so bright and typical in certain ways that an autism

classroom wouldn't be the right fit for her so it's a very difficult

call.

She won't let me talk to her. She gets very upset if I'd call her name

and have some random question - what do you want for a snack, do you

have homework, etc. She would fall apart. Now we have worked out

regular check in times where she checks in with me, in case I need to

say/ask anything, and then she goes back to her imaginary world where

I'm not allowed to talk, notice or respond to her while she paces and

talks out loud.

She's really the sweetest thing in the world and describing her like

that makes it seem kind of creepy. Trying to convince her school or

her dad/stepmother that she's anything like this at all is just

impossible.

Amy

[Guest guest]

I wish the star thing would work....he is 12 3/4 going on 18 but sometimes 6. He never got into that reward system...waiting a week was too long a wait and the now the prizes are not truly affordable....although I guess I could take everything away and then start over...if he gets 8 stars he can go to the movies on the weekend, or have a friend sleepover (and keep a raincheck if no is available). The school had something like that in his IEP ...that if he did well etc. etc. he would get an extra 1/2 hour of computer time at the end of the week. He told me they would never give it to him or they were too busy....etc. Little nic nacs don't work with him any more...even his TSS tried it and it didn't work. But ...maybe if I re-think it....it might work. But I know it can be too hard to receive stars either otherwise he gives up

totally.....The school was always coming up with some kind of reason not to let him have the extra time...hopefully it will be better in the fall. In fact, I am going to lunch with the Assistant Superintendentn of Sp.Ed on Wed. and she is my boss too! I don't work in my son's school which is good....I work in the West district and he is in the East... The Asst.Superin.of SpEd is a very very caring person and is really trying her best with all the kids...so i guess I am blessed!!

Let's see what 7th grade brings...but like you said...I think he will do much better being in smaller classes. I think the number of kids will probably be 10 or less...plus he will have the occupational therapist come in and teach him what he can do to de-stress....and then he will be allowed to take at least 4 breaks a day....I will have to remind him to take advantage of these breaks...which is one thing he may not do....I will have to ask the teacher to watch him and remind him to take advantage of these breaks!!!

I have contacted the supervisor of SpeEd in his school and asked he set up a meeting between the Principal and myself and his new teachers before school starts...I will just keep my fingers crossed.

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) After School functioning Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 5:52 AM

I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and is burnt out and needs space....He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no bullying or teasing. Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never dream of speaking to them like he does me). So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting

angry....but I am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!They hold themselves together at school....but when they get home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing or anger or just spacing out....Any thoughts?Jan

[Guest guest]

I wish the star thing would work....he is 12 3/4 going on 18 but sometimes 6. He never got into that reward system...waiting a week was too long a wait and the now the prizes are not truly affordable....although I guess I could take everything away and then start over...if he gets 8 stars he can go to the movies on the weekend, or have a friend sleepover (and keep a raincheck if no is available). The school had something like that in his IEP ...that if he did well etc. etc. he would get an extra 1/2 hour of computer time at the end of the week. He told me they would never give it to him or they were too busy....etc. Little nic nacs don't work with him any more...even his TSS tried it and it didn't work. But ...maybe if I re-think it....it might work. But I know it can be too hard to receive stars either otherwise he gives up

totally.....The school was always coming up with some kind of reason not to let him have the extra time...hopefully it will be better in the fall. In fact, I am going to lunch with the Assistant Superintendentn of Sp.Ed on Wed. and she is my boss too! I don't work in my son's school which is good....I work in the West district and he is in the East... The Asst.Superin.of SpEd is a very very caring person and is really trying her best with all the kids...so i guess I am blessed!!

Let's see what 7th grade brings...but like you said...I think he will do much better being in smaller classes. I think the number of kids will probably be 10 or less...plus he will have the occupational therapist come in and teach him what he can do to de-stress....and then he will be allowed to take at least 4 breaks a day....I will have to remind him to take advantage of these breaks...which is one thing he may not do....I will have to ask the teacher to watch him and remind him to take advantage of these breaks!!!

I have contacted the supervisor of SpeEd in his school and asked he set up a meeting between the Principal and myself and his new teachers before school starts...I will just keep my fingers crossed.

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) After School functioning Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 5:52 AM

I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and is burnt out and needs space....He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no bullying or teasing. Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never dream of speaking to them like he does me). So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting

angry....but I am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!They hold themselves together at school....but when they get home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing or anger or just spacing out....Any thoughts?Jan

[Guest guest]

>

>

> > So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort

zone....but

> > the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting

angry....but I

> > am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!

> >

> > They hold themselves together at school....but when they get

> > home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru

pacing

> > or anger or just spacing out....

> >

> > Any thoughts?

>

> Our audiologist explained that for my daughter at least, she's so

> exhausted from pretending and straining to listen and comprehend

the NT

> world for six hours that it's all she can do for the day. By

Friday

> she's almost ill every week, just from the stress of the school

day.

> But she's so bright and typical in certain ways that an autism

> classroom wouldn't be the right fit for her so it's a very

difficult

> call.

>

> She won't let me talk to her. She gets very upset if I'd call her

name

> and have some random question - what do you want for a snack, do

you

> have homework, etc. She would fall apart. Now we have worked out

> regular check in times where she checks in with me, in case I need

to

> say/ask anything, and then she goes back to her imaginary world

where

> I'm not allowed to talk, notice or respond to her while she paces

and

> talks out loud.

>

> She's really the sweetest thing in the world and describing her

like

> that makes it seem kind of creepy. Trying to convince her school

or

> her dad/stepmother that she's anything like this at all is just

> impossible.

>

> Amy

>

Hi, my name is , and I have a 10 year old son with aspherger and

I know exactly what you are dealing with after school. As soon as he

walks in the door he heads downstairs to his personal area and he

sits on the couch in the same spot every day and he rocks, hums and

bangs for hours and if I talk to him he gets very upset. I let him

go for 30-60 minutes before talking to him other wise he is very

angry and acts out. Also, I don't know if your child does this but

if I don't let him see me before I speak to him and I just say

something to him in a normal tone from the other room and he is not

expecting to hear my voice I scare the heck out of him and he jumps

out of his skin. This happens throughout the day because I am so use

to just asking a question to my other family members that I sometimes

forget that he needs to be prepared before I talk to him. He has

been rocking and humming, and banging his head every since he was old

enough to pick his head up and utter a sound. The spring on the back

of my couch is popped out due to his intense banging. School is very

hard for him and there are days he just can't go. I try to give him

earned time off for good behavior. For example I may telll him that

if he goes to school for an entire month straight I will let him

choose 2 days out of the month that he can just stay home. That

seems to work for us. He can't stant the thought of going to school

every day for and entire week. He can't sleep on sundays because he

is dreading school on monday morning. This year we had quite a few

mishaps with school due to disturbing behavior. It is so hard

because he is very smart so he is in a regular classromm, but he

can't concentrate for long periods of time so he likes to do things

he is not suppose to do. He is constantly having outburst and saying

inappropriate things and some teachers have patience and others

don't.Some of the kids tease him and pick on him and other kids treat

him special and are nice to him. I hate to think what the future

holds for us and what school will be like for him as he gets older.

This is his last year in elementary school and middle school scares

me but we will work through it like we always do. I have a

question?? My son can not except the fact that the outcome of

different situations are his fault. He always blames everyone else

for everything that he does wrong. If he breaks something its not

his fault its always someone elses fault even though he did it and no

one else was around. I feel like he is out right lying to me and

this is with everything on a daily basis. He blames his friends for

things that he does wrong and even the dog. I can see him do

something that is wrong and confront him with it and he denies that

he did it. I asked his doctor about this and he says this is normal

in aspies. Do you deal with this?? I am new to this site and I have

so many questions to ask and need to talk to other mothers that are

going through the same things I am going through. Recently, my sons

medicine stopped working and his ocd was out of control and his

anxiety level was crazy and he felt as though his wii game was out to

get him he said the cord looled like a hangmans noose and it wanted

to hang him. I was scared to death that he was going to hurt

himself. He said he did not want to hurt himself he was afraid that

people and things wanted to hurt him. He is obssesed with the

thought of death and fears it and fears loosing me and his dad. I

have to talk to him all the time about it. He suffers from

seperation anxiety from me. I am his primary care taker and I am a

stay at home mom due to his illness so he is dependent upon me. I am

always here for him. I can't leave the house without him. If I do

his anxiety level is crazy. I can't put him through that if its not

necessary. He has alot of intrusive thoughts sometimes too. We just

went through a medicine change and he is getting back on track. He

was on the same meds for 4-5 years and all of a sudden they just

stopped working. I could use some advice from other moms and dads

regarding what I'm dealing with. Please if you have any advice talk

to me.. I also was wondering your thoughts on bio-feed back. I have

started that with my son he has had about 6-10 treatments but I have

not noticed any difference. He does not like them at all, and does

not want to continue with them. We had to stop them cause our

insurance only covers so many in a year and we had to stop. Have you

tried them with your child?? Thanks for listening ,

.

[Guest guest]

>

> From: jrushen <jrushen@...>

> Subject: ( ) After School functioning

>

> Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 5:52 AM

>

>

>

>

>

>

> I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home

after

> returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and

> is burnt out and needs space....

>

> He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically

bite

> my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would

> fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to

> talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a

> little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no

> bullying or teasing.

>

> Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger

> and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they

> believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never

> dream of speaking to them like he does me).

>

> So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but

> the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but

I

> am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!

>

> They hold themselves together at school....but when they get

> home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing

> or anger or just spacing out....

>

> Any thoughts?

>

> Jan

>

Jan,

I deal with all the same things you are talking about. I do believe

it is anxiety. My son sits in school for 8 hours having to hold

everything together. He can't hum and bang, he can't get up when he

wants to, he cant turn the lights off, he can't tell everyone to shut

up even though he has a few times and gotten in trouble for this. It

is very hard for these little kids to try to keep it together all day

long. I have suffered from anxiety in my younger years and it is a

horrible thing to deal with and I can't imagine what our children

have to go through. I feel so bad for them. Also, it is a comfort

thing for them. At home they know they can act out and we love them

unconditionally therefore they can get away with it, but at school if

they act out they are sent to the office and kids make fun of them

and they are teased and harrassed. They have to try to keep it

together while experiencing all of this no wonder they come home

bouncing off the walls and don't want to be talked to or asked any

questions. The best thing to do I have found is give him his alone

time and usually after about an hour he is ready to come talk to me

about his day. Sometimes, I already know about his day because the

teacher has called me!Ha!Ha! What we have to deal with sometimes, I

question my own sanity. Ha Ha. But we will get through it because we

have to for them. Thanks for listening, .

[Guest guest]

Hi Jan,

How about daily rewards like some snack crackers or extra recess time. Or you can reward him yourself, a trip to the park or to Mcs. The reward system is also in Gage's IEP so the school is pretty good about following it.

They also created a daily behavior chart that allows Gage to pick out the prize and they put a picture of it on one side so he can remember and then on the other side, it's broken down into his day to day routine such as breakfast, reading, and whatever else is on his schedule and it is marked if he had any problems or issues or even if he was successful during that time. That helps everyone to track potential issues such as Gage has always had problems in Art class and after seeing the behavior charts, we decided to pull him completely out of Art class but now that he will have a TSS for 8 hours a week we are going to see if she can help him in Art Class. Hope this helps.

Sue

From: jrushen <jrushen (DOT) com>Subject: ( ) After School functioning Date: Monday, July 21, 2008, 5:52 AM

I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home after returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home and is burnt out and needs space....He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically bite my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He would fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no bullying or teasing. Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never dream of speaking to them like he does me). So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting

angry....but I am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!They hold themselves together at school....but when they get home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing or anger or just spacing out....Any thoughts?Jan

[Guest guest]

Hi,

We also have the some of the same stuff that Gage won't take responsiblity for what he does even though he is an only child. He'll say that it wasn't me. Well who else is there?

He is also way to dependant on me. Even though there is my dh, myself and Gage, it's me that he is too attached too. He begs and pleads to go where I go even though I know he won't enjoy himself, it's just the idea of me going and him staying at home with his dad. I can't even go to the bathroom or any other room in our home without him worried that I may have left the house and gone somewhere without him. So now I tell him that I am going to the bathroom or wherever else I am going and that has helped a great deal.

On the other hand, it's okay for him to leave me such as to go over to our neighbor's house or to ride his scooter. Ironic, isn't it?

Sue

From: gina <ginak1117@...>Subject: Re: ( ) After School functioning Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 12:45 AM

>> > > So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but > > the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but I > > am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!> > > > They hold themselves together at school....but when they get > > home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing > > or anger or just spacing out....> > > > Any thoughts?> > Our audiologist explained that for my daughter at least, she's so > exhausted from pretending and straining to listen and comprehend the NT > world for six hours that it's all she can do for the day. By Friday > she's almost ill

every week, just from the stress of the school day. > But she's so bright and typical in certain ways that an autism > classroom wouldn't be the right fit for her so it's a very difficult > call.> > She won't let me talk to her. She gets very upset if I'd call her name > and have some random question - what do you want for a snack, do you > have homework, etc. She would fall apart. Now we have worked out > regular check in times where she checks in with me, in case I need to > say/ask anything, and then she goes back to her imaginary world where > I'm not allowed to talk, notice or respond to her while she paces and > talks out loud. > > She's really the sweetest thing in the world and describing her like > that makes it seem kind of creepy. Trying to convince her school or > her dad/stepmother that she's anything

like this at all is just > impossible.> > Amy>Hi, my name is , and I have a 10 year old son with aspherger and I know exactly what you are dealing with after school. As soon as he walks in the door he heads downstairs to his personal area and he sits on the couch in the same spot every day and he rocks, hums and bangs for hours and if I talk to him he gets very upset. I let him go for 30-60 minutes before talking to him other wise he is very angry and acts out. Also, I don't know if your child does this but if I don't let him see me before I speak to him and I just say something to him in a normal tone from the other room and he is not expecting to hear my voice I scare the heck out of him and he jumps out of his skin. This happens throughout the day because I am so use to just asking a question to my other family members that I sometimes forget that he needs to be

prepared before I talk to him. He has been rocking and humming, and banging his head every since he was old enough to pick his head up and utter a sound. The spring on the back of my couch is popped out due to his intense banging. School is very hard for him and there are days he just can't go. I try to give him earned time off for good behavior. For example I may telll him that if he goes to school for an entire month straight I will let him choose 2 days out of the month that he can just stay home. That seems to work for us. He can't stant the thought of going to school every day for and entire week. He can't sleep on sundays because he is dreading school on monday morning. This year we had quite a few mishaps with school due to disturbing behavior. It is so hard because he is very smart so he is in a regular classromm, but he can't concentrate for long periods of time so he likes to do things he

is not suppose to do. He is constantly having outburst and saying inappropriate things and some teachers have patience and others don't.Some of the kids tease him and pick on him and other kids treat him special and are nice to him. I hate to think what the future holds for us and what school will be like for him as he gets older. This is his last year in elementary school and middle school scares me but we will work through it like we always do. I have a question?? My son can not except the fact that the outcome of different situations are his fault. He always blames everyone else for everything that he does wrong. If he breaks something its not his fault its always someone elses fault even though he did it and no one else was around. I feel like he is out right lying to me and this is with everything on a daily basis. He blames his friends for things that he does wrong and even the dog. I can see him

do something that is wrong and confront him with it and he denies that he did it. I asked his doctor about this and he says this is normal in aspies. Do you deal with this?? I am new to this site and I have so many questions to ask and need to talk to other mothers that are going through the same things I am going through. Recently, my sons medicine stopped working and his ocd was out of control and his anxiety level was crazy and he felt as though his wii game was out to get him he said the cord looled like a hangmans noose and it wanted to hang him. I was scared to death that he was going to hurt himself. He said he did not want to hurt himself he was afraid that people and things wanted to hurt him. He is obssesed with the thought of death and fears it and fears loosing me and his dad. I have to talk to him all the time about it. He suffers from seperation anxiety from me. I am his primary care

taker and I am a stay at home mom due to his illness so he is dependent upon me. I am always here for him. I can't leave the house without him. If I do his anxiety level is crazy. I can't put him through that if its not necessary. He has alot of intrusive thoughts sometimes too. We just went through a medicine change and he is getting back on track. He was on the same meds for 4-5 years and all of a sudden they just stopped working. I could use some advice from other moms and dads regarding what I'm dealing with. Please if you have any advice talk to me.. I also was wondering your thoughts on bio-feed back. I have started that with my son he has had about 6-10 treatments but I have not noticed any difference. He does not like them at all, and does not want to continue with them. We had to stop them cause our insurance only covers so many in a year and we had to stop. Have you tried them with your

child?? Thanks for listening , .

[Guest guest]

Sue,

is also way too dependent on me. I have just gotten to go out without him and leave him alone....although...he will constantly call me on the cell. He went over to the neighbor's house and I told him I was going out w/ my neighbor friend to the store. When he came home, he immediately called me...where are you...blah blah. Now I told him but when he was with his friend ...he didn't want to talk to me..guess it wasn't cool so he shut his phone off...nice kid! But he is too dependent on me and too afraid to do things on his own....such as getting himself ready for school because I will be gone...we will have to practice this. Even when he is in the bathroom....he yell...MOm!!! I guess it's for security.....he thinks I may have left...He has gotten more attached to his dad...which is great with me!!! Gives me more time and space...ha! ha!

I find this so interesting that our children have so much in common....wonder if they ever did a study on this...and the kids don't know each other but they are made up so much alike....i just can't get over it....

But...Gage will get more independent... has matured a lot this past year and is improving...in fact, he was going to go over the neighbors house ...but when he wasn't moving...I asked him ..Aren't you going? and he replied...No,,,,He seems to be in a mood...so I am going to leave him alone....Now that is impressive. He has also gotten over his fascination with the boy up the street who is 15. And, he has been very obsessive over him for 4 years!!!!

So, I guess there is HOPE for ALL of our kids. But it is so great to speaking with you. I just love it. Wish we could all meet one day!!!

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: gina <ginak1117att (DOT) net>Subject: Re: ( ) After School functioning Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 12:45 AM

>> > > So, I am wondering... .I know it has to do with comfort zone....but > > the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but I > > am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!> > > > They hold themselves together at school....but when they get > > home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing > > or anger or just spacing out....> > > > Any thoughts?> > Our audiologist explained that for my daughter at least, she's so > exhausted from pretending and straining to listen and comprehend the NT > world for six hours that it's all she can do for the day. By Friday > she's almost ill

every week, just from the stress of the school day. > But she's so bright and typical in certain ways that an autism > classroom wouldn't be the right fit for her so it's a very difficult > call.> > She won't let me talk to her. She gets very upset if I'd call her name > and have some random question - what do you want for a snack, do you > have homework, etc. She would fall apart. Now we have worked out > regular check in times where she checks in with me, in case I need to > say/ask anything, and then she goes back to her imaginary world where > I'm not allowed to talk, notice or respond to her while she paces and > talks out loud. > > She's really the sweetest thing in the world and describing her like > that makes it seem kind of creepy. Trying to convince her school or > her dad/stepmother that she's anything

like this at all is just > impossible.> > Amy>Hi, my name is , and I have a 10 year old son with aspherger and I know exactly what you are dealing with after school. As soon as he walks in the door he heads downstairs to his personal area and he sits on the couch in the same spot every day and he rocks, hums and bangs for hours and if I talk to him he gets very upset. I let him go for 30-60 minutes before talking to him other wise he is very angry and acts out. Also, I don't know if your child does this but if I don't let him see me before I speak to him and I just say something to him in a normal tone from the other room and he is not expecting to hear my voice I scare the heck out of him and he jumps out of his skin. This happens throughout the day because I am so use to just asking a question to my other family members that I sometimes forget that he needs to be

prepared before I talk to him. He has been rocking and humming, and banging his head every since he was old enough to pick his head up and utter a sound. The spring on the back of my couch is popped out due to his intense banging. School is very hard for him and there are days he just can't go. I try to give him earned time off for good behavior. For example I may telll him that if he goes to school for an entire month straight I will let him choose 2 days out of the month that he can just stay home. That seems to work for us. He can't stant the thought of going to school every day for and entire week. He can't sleep on sundays because he is dreading school on monday morning. This year we had quite a few mishaps with school due to disturbing behavior. It is so hard because he is very smart so he is in a regular classromm, but he can't concentrate for long periods of time so he likes to do things he

is not suppose to do. He is constantly having outburst and saying inappropriate things and some teachers have patience and others don't.Some of the kids tease him and pick on him and other kids treat him special and are nice to him. I hate to think what the future holds for us and what school will be like for him as he gets older. This is his last year in elementary school and middle school scares me but we will work through it like we always do. I have a question?? My son can not except the fact that the outcome of different situations are his fault. He always blames everyone else for everything that he does wrong. If he breaks something its not his fault its always someone elses fault even though he did it and no one else was around. I feel like he is out right lying to me and this is with everything on a daily basis. He blames his friends for things that he does wrong and even the dog. I can see him

do something that is wrong and confront him with it and he denies that he did it. I asked his doctor about this and he says this is normal in aspies. Do you deal with this?? I am new to this site and I have so many questions to ask and need to talk to other mothers that are going through the same things I am going through. Recently, my sons medicine stopped working and his ocd was out of control and his anxiety level was crazy and he felt as though his wii game was out to get him he said the cord looled like a hangmans noose and it wanted to hang him. I was scared to death that he was going to hurt himself. He said he did not want to hurt himself he was afraid that people and things wanted to hurt him. He is obssesed with the thought of death and fears it and fears loosing me and his dad. I have to talk to him all the time about it. He suffers from seperation anxiety from me. I am his primary care

taker and I am a stay at home mom due to his illness so he is dependent upon me. I am always here for him. I can't leave the house without him. If I do his anxiety level is crazy. I can't put him through that if its not necessary. He has alot of intrusive thoughts sometimes too. We just went through a medicine change and he is getting back on track. He was on the same meds for 4-5 years and all of a sudden they just stopped working. I could use some advice from other moms and dads regarding what I'm dealing with. Please if you have any advice talk to me.. I also was wondering your thoughts on bio-feed back. I have started that with my son he has had about 6-10 treatments but I have not noticed any difference. He does not like them at all, and does not want to continue with them. We had to stop them cause our insurance only covers so many in a year and we had to stop. Have you tried them with your

child?? Thanks for listening , .

[Guest guest]

> >

> >

>

>

YES! My son could trip over his own feet, and yell at someone else

about it. If he can't get his words out the way he wants, he gets

angry and says " you made me forget what I was trying to say " in a very

mad, frustrated voice. I think I read that this is common is AS in

the books (Tony Atwood I think).

[Guest guest]

Wow, I thought it was just my son, 23 years old, that does this!

He is away at school in Alabama and Friday called me five times in less

than four hours and left an angry voice mail, " why didn't I answer! " He

called his Dad's cell, too, at least three times. We were at a loud

outdoor concert and couldn't answer anyway. So when I got hold of him I

I took a frantic tone and asked (knowing nothing was wrong!) " are you

hurt? are you in the hospital? are you bleeding? what's wrong? " There

was stunned silence! No he was fine, just wanted to know " where we

were. " He's a hundred miles away. AARGH! He is a little better than

when he first went, but wish I could get him to call when he has

something to SAY, not to say, " I just finished breakfast! " As my mother

would say, " bless his little heart! " Any suggestions on how to lessen

these calls? I am too nice to say " stop calling me unless you have

something important, " don't know that he would know what I meant

anyway. Oh the joy of cell phones.

Reading this over, I sound like such a meanie! But we are tying to cut

the umbilical cord at least a little. I feel like as long as we are

his " buddies " for everything, he is not going to establish friends

there.

Sue in TN

>

> Sue,

>  

> is also way too dependent on me.  I have just gotten to go out

without him and leave him alone....although...he will constantly call

me on the cell.  He went over to the neighbor's house and I told him I

was going out w/ my neighbor friend to the store.  When he came home,

he immediately called me...where are you...blah blah.

[Guest guest]

> > >

> > >

> >

> >

> YES! My son could trip over his own feet, and yell at someone else

> about it. If he can't get his words out the way he wants, he gets

> angry and says " you made me forget what I was trying to say " in a

very

> mad, frustrated voice. I think I read that this is common is AS in

> the books (Tony Atwood I think).

>

Amy,

Thanks for reassuring me that my son is not just a liar. I can't

stand liars and I am always explaining to him that lying is bad and

how telling the truth makes people trust you and I told him about the

boy who cried wolf, but he takes everything that I say so literally

that he probably thinks a boy really cried out wolf. Ha Ha. So sad

but sometimes funny. One time he was trying to tell me a story and

he just couldnt get the words out so I said spit it out Collin and he

literally spit at me.Ha Ha. Guess that will teach me. It amazes me

how these kids are so much alike. I have no one to talk to and

compare situations with until now. So thankful I came across this

site. I just finally got a computer and got on line after all these

years. Guess Ive been so busy with my son that I just fell behind

the times. Ha. Ha. Sometimes I feel like its been years since I have

had a life of my own. I guess it has been 10yrs any way. Keep in

touch and thanks for listening. Kinde.

[Guest guest]

My son says it is my fault when he can't remember things, too. And nothing I'd ever his fault. His Ninjtendo DS was busted because he left it on his bedroom floor under some clothes & someone stepped on it. He could not see how it was his fault for leaving it there because he did not remember stepping on it. It was all the fault of his brother, or a friend or one of us who walked into the room.Sent from my iPhoneBlessings, DonnaOn Jul 22, 2008, at 2:36 PM, "kellypywtorak" <kellypywtorak@...> wrote:

> >

> >

>

>

YES! My son could trip over his own feet, and yell at someone else

about it. If he can't get his words out the way he wants, he gets

angry and says "you made me forget what I was trying to say" in a very

mad, frustrated voice. I think I read that this is common is AS in

the books (Tony Atwood I think).

[Guest guest]

>

> My son says it is my fault when he can't remember things, too. And

> nothing I'd ever his fault. His Ninjtendo DS was busted because he

> left it on his bedroom floor under some clothes & someone stepped on

> it. He could not see how it was his fault ...

I've always thought this was a mixture of theory of mind, attribution

problems, executive dysfunction (sequencing problems) etc. They have

problems telling what other people know as opposed to themselves and

don't always process things in the right order, ending up with screwy

cause and effect conclusions. Can't say I'm enough of a professional

to really explain it.

Ruth

[Guest guest]

I see a lot of posts of parents frustrations here and I don't see

many that talk about giving children limitations in tv, games etc..

My son is now 15 and is living proof that modifications within the

home actually do work.. Sure it is a lotta work but you have to

really be consistent and not just say " you are going to " ..

The key is consistence and organization... Give rewards to and mean

it.. Encourage their teachers to work with rewards as I have found

that although these may be immature for many parents with teachers

these actually still work very well...

Unfortunately Aspergers and ADD children see things totally different

than we do, so the sooner everyone starts to really look into

creating a more strict guideline within the family the better and

more productivity you will have in the long run. He does come home

burned out, but this is mostly for NOT being organized and rushed

until the last minute.. The school structure here has A days and B

days.. We have 2 bags for him one for each day grouping so he never

messes up on his books or gets forgetful. I write to his teachers on

a weekly basis to get updates on everything, write it on a calendar

and also give reminders on a calendar as to when a due date is

approaching so he doesn't miss it.. Also we try to get everything

done as it comes in so that his disability doesn't get in the way and

leave most things till the last minute.. he sees and feels relief

with this being out of the way and the teacher's praise is definitely

worth it also.

We only give my son game priviledges on weekends for 1 1/2-2 hours

max.. TV only after dinner if sitting as a family.. Homework is done

straight after school.. Putting child also into tutoring classes

helps also to keep them on check with class work. Having an IEP in

place definitely.

Also gluten free foods really do help.. We limit sugar intake, hardly

any soda's in his diet unless we go out for lunch/dinner on weekends..

Unfortunately Aspergers and ADD children are vulnerable personality

children that attract the not so kind people and kids.. My son has

been beaten, abused, name called, you name it he has had it.. But the

fact is that he doesn't succumb to any of this bullying within the

school and is a very well mannered young kid with great grades..

Remind them to count to 10 before they speak, and by all means be

patient when we enter their world as it is very different...

We have read so many great books on helping out and most of them are

also ADD books as the link ties them both together.. I would be very

interested to know how many Asperger children also have ADD/ADHD like

mine.

>

> I been reading other posts about their children pacing at home

after

> returning from school. My son doesn't pace....but he comes home

and

> is burnt out and needs space....

>

> He used to come home and if I spoke to him, he would practically

bite

> my head off....he is angry and doesn't want to be annoyed. He

would

> fight me tooth and nail. So, I learned to wait till he was ready to

> talk which might be 30 minutes after he came in. It has gotten a

> little better since he is riding the smaller bus...less noise, no

> bullying or teasing.

>

> Now, he doesn't act this way in school. When I speak of his anger

> and temper tantrums...the teachers look at me and say...No (they

> believe me, but he is so well behaved in school...he would never

> dream of speaking to them like he does me).

>

> So, I am wondering....I know it has to do with comfort zone....but

> the pacing, talking to oneself, needing space, getting angry....but

I

> am wondering .....does this all come from ANXIETY!

>

> They hold themselves together at school....but when they get

> home...all the anxiety and fustration is release either thru pacing

> or anger or just spacing out....

>

> Any thoughts?

>

> Jan

>

[Guest guest]

Oh how I relate...i can tell stories upon stories of ...."it was not my fault".....or "don't blame me"... for instance...my son got mad about this stupid WWE cage toy that was really cheap and did work well..we wanted to take it back...he got angy and went into the computer room and threw he special IPOD on the floor and then rolled the chair over ...all of this in front of his older friend....he friend just stared at him in awe....anyways later my son said it was "our" fault....that we got him 'angry".... Needless to say he has been w/out and IPOD for 3 years and you know what he really doesn't miss it and doesn't want another one...

Then sometimes I go in my room and I find clothes I neatly folded on and placed on the bed thrown on the floor. When I tell him about it ..he says "I didn't do it" or "I don't know how that happend"....and he is an only child...so I ask him I guess the friendly ghost came in and did it! And, beleive me ..he will deny, deny and deny....until his face turns blue.

One time I say him tease the dog...and told him to stop...and he said....I didn't tease the dog ...even though I saw him do it. His new thing is if he throws something on the floor ..he will deny it and i say...I heard it...and he replies ...I just dropped it. Ugh! A no win, win situation!!

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: r_woman2 <me2ruth@...>Subject: Re: ( ) After School functioning Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 3:38 PM

>> My son says it is my fault when he can't remember things, too. And > nothing I'd ever his fault. His Ninjtendo DS was busted because he > left it on his bedroom floor under some clothes & someone stepped on > it. He could not see how it was his fault ...I've always thought this was a mixture of theory of mind, attributionproblems, executive dysfunction (sequencing problems) etc. They haveproblems telling what other people know as opposed to themselves anddon't always process things in the right order, ending up with screwycause and effect conclusions. Can't say I'm enough of a professionalto really explain it. :)Ruth

[Guest guest]

Oh too funny...my son can't find his portable gameboy sp but of course it's my fault becuase I am "always moving his stuff"...haha...yeah I move it...I put everything back where it belongs ....so it can be found or not broken...plus I hate the MESS!!! That I am a little OCD about this.

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

> >> > > >YES! My son could trip over his own feet, and yell at someone elseabout it. If he can't get his words out the way he wants, he getsangry and says "you made me forget what I was trying to say" in

a verymad, frustrated voice. I think I read that this is common is AS inthe books (Tony Atwood I think).

[Guest guest]

When I first read your post...I thought ...oh, how cute....and how great...maybe we should look at it as a blessing...most kids want nothing to do with their parents. And, in a way, you did cut the cord a bit...think of it this way...he is away at college.....and not right around the corner.

I loved your response too! I guess you will have to keep telling him ...call when it is important or you have something to say. I guess it is just Anxiety ....where are you mom or dad. Does he take anything for anxiety?

But in the long run...I am proud of him going away to college!!! Way to go!

Jan

Janice Rushen

Mom, Mentor, Wife, Teacher, Advocate, Accountant,

Maid, Taxi, Shopper, Bulletin Board Artist

Nanny, Crafter, Therapist, Friend, Sister, Aunt,

Daughter, Grand-daughter, Personal Care Aide,

Student, Believer, and Giver.

From: carolynsuelowerychattanooga <sue@...>Subject: ( ) Re: After School functioning Date: Tuesday, July 22, 2008, 2:44 PM

Wow, I thought it was just my son, 23 years old, that does this!He is away at school in Alabama and Friday called me five times in less than four hours and left an angry voice mail, "why didn't I answer!" He called his Dad's cell, too, at least three times. We were at a loud outdoor concert and couldn't answer anyway. So when I got hold of him I I took a frantic tone and asked (knowing nothing was wrong!) "are you hurt? are you in the hospital? are you bleeding? what's wrong?" There was stunned silence! No he was fine, just wanted to know "where we were." He's a hundred miles away. AARGH! He is a little better than when he first went, but wish I could get him to call when he has something to SAY, not to say, "I just finished breakfast!" As my mother would say, "bless his little heart!" Any suggestions on how to lessen these calls? I am too nice to say "stop calling me unless you have something

important," don't know that he would know what I meant anyway. Oh the joy of cell phones.Reading this over, I sound like such a meanie! But we are tying to cut the umbilical cord at least a little. I feel like as long as we are his "buddies" for everything, he is not going to establish friends there.Sue in TN>> Sue,> > is also way too dependent on me. I have just gotten to go out without him and leave him alone....although. ..he will constantly call me on the cell. He went over to the neighbor's house and I told him I was going out w/ my neighbor friend to the store. When he came home, he immediately called me...where are you...blah blah.

[Guest guest]

Yes, isn't all of parenthood (and cellphones) a blessing and a curse!

Because we have had a lifetime of being his " buddy " we are so ready

for him to learn to depend on HIMSELF and friends. Some of it too, is

the way this darn " younger generation " uses a phone. LOL!

I see it in my granddaughter's incessant texting and the way DS calls

friends with, " whatcha doin'? " " nothin " and they then stay on the

phone for 30 minutes, sometimes not even talking! He might be

watching TV or playing a video game with phone on his ear connected

to his friend.

I can talk my share too, but if I have nothing to say or am busy,

drives me crazy!

Thanks for your reply, we are thrilled that he is in school. He came

home recently for a two week summer break and we were afraid he

wouldn't want to go back...nope, he was packed up two days in

advance. I am more thankful for JobCorps and this opportunity than I

can ever express.

Sue in Tennessee

> >

> > Sue,

> >  

> > is also way too dependent on me.  I have just gotten to go

out

> without him and leave him alone....although. ..he will constantly

call

> me on the cell.  He went over to the neighbor's house and I told

him I

> was going out w/ my neighbor friend to the store.  When he came

home,

> he immediately called me...where are you...blah blah.

>