Re: Feeling like I've been beat up

February 16, 2008

MY SON IS ONLY 9 BUT I CERTAINLY FEEL YOUR FRUSTRATIONS, AS I TOO HAVE THEM DAYS FAR TOO OFTEN THEN I CARE TOO. AND UNDERSTAND ABOUT OTHERS NOT GETTING HOW YOU FEEL. I AM NEW TO ALL THIS AS MY SON HAS ONLY BEEN DX W ASPERGERS FOR A YEAR NOW, BUT HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN MY SON WAS DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS. FEEL FREE TO VENT ANYTIME YOU NEED TO MY SON IS ALOT YOUNGER BUT I HAVE BEEN TOLD I AM A GREAT LISTENINER SO MY EARS ARE YOURS IF YOU JUST NEED SOME ONE TO VENT TO I CAN'T REALLY OFFER YOU THAT MUCH GREAT ADVICE AS I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT MYSELF, BUT GOOD LUCK AND IT WILL WORK OUT I AM SURE, HAVE FAITH AND HOLD ON. GOD BLESS, AND GOOD LUCK ! SHERRYMims Batts <mimsnj@...> wrote: Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often. 1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging,

cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom. 2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son. 3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration. 4) Tried

talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother..... I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it. What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3. Thanks for listening. Mims Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

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February 16, 2008

you're welcome i know what u mean about the back to back episodes with things like that, sometimes it seems like everyone wants to kick u while u are already down. but smile b/c it will get better. after i emailed you to try and encourage u i had an episode where i could just sit here at the computer and cry, so i do understand the emotional strain that our daily living can bring, but just know there are others out there like u who do care and understand and we are here for u. SherryMims Batts <mimsnj@...> wrote: Thanks for your kind words and support, Sherry. It's nice to have a place to come with people who understand. I've battled so much over the years, that I guess this week wasn't one of my strongest. To have the 2 episodes within 24 hours of each other must have been my breaking point. I know I've tried doing my best and staying on top of things, I guess I wasn't in the mood to take their judgement so lightly this week. Thanks! Mimssherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: MY SON IS ONLY 9 BUT I CERTAINLY FEEL YOUR FRUSTRATIONS, AS I TOO HAVE THEM DAYS FAR TOO OFTEN THEN I CARE TOO. AND UNDERSTAND ABOUT OTHERS NOT GETTING HOW YOU FEEL. I AM NEW TO ALL THIS AS MY SON HAS ONLY BEEN DX W ASPERGERS FOR A YEAR NOW, BUT

HAVE ALWAYS KNOWN MY SON WAS DIFFERENT THAN OTHERS. FEEL FREE TO VENT ANYTIME YOU NEED TO MY SON IS ALOT YOUNGER BUT I HAVE BEEN TOLD I AM A GREAT LISTENINER SO MY EARS ARE YOURS IF YOU JUST NEED SOME ONE TO VENT TO I CAN'T REALLY OFFER YOU THAT MUCH GREAT ADVICE AS I AM STILL TRYING TO FIGURE IT ALL OUT MYSELF, BUT GOOD LUCK AND IT WILL WORK OUT I AM SURE, HAVE FAITH AND HOLD ON. GOD BLESS, AND GOOD LUCK ! SHERRYMims Batts <mimsnj > wrote: Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been

smacked down once too often. 1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom. 2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them,

he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son. 3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration. 4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother..... I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and

working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it. What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3. Thanks for listening. Mims Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

February 17, 2008

Hi Mim, had SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as a baby. We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated

as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds. I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty Mims Batts <mimsnj@...> wrote: Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when

I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often. 1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom. 2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear

retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son. 3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration. 4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by

mother..... I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it. What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3. Thanks for listening. Mims Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Take care, Betty

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

February 17, 2008

Oh, sounds like our house again; professionals often just don't get it, do they, that our kiddos

aren't as easy as they 'think.' The act like they should just be the age they 'are' when some days they are,

other days they are 1-3 years old. It IS frustrating.

I am not sure what to tell you, other than, O.T.---I would suggest that to meet sensory needs and get

new ways that are not destructive (like picking and pulling out wires) to meet those, and / or some way to

meet them without CLICKING retainers. Perhaps an incentive to wear it. I would even consider random rewards, and

have school 'help with it,' and if he wears 30 minutes at school today, 'this,' (perhaps 20 minutes of your time playing a

board game tonight), then 45 minutes, etc. until he wear them all day, and after that, wears a week, you will take him to

a movie, and two weeks, to 'something he wants to do', etc....I would be trying anything. Also, social stories explaining

the importance and show real pictures of before, after (of others)----extreme, severe ones so it is almost grossing him out

to see what his teeth could look like if he does not wear them.

This is soooo hard because the braces hurt, and sometimes, the retainers do too.

You are not responsible for your son's behaviors and actions; you cannot force him to wear the retainers, any more than sucking

his thumb (sensory need----replace with something else---OT can help with this and ensure you do things your son needs you to do

to his highest benefit.

Husbands and their lack of understanding; that happens often at our house (I am sure we are not alone)....some days I am sooo

passionate about certain things, and he just does not 'get it' because I am the one doing all the work, setting everything up, and playing

"TAXI." My parents have done and said the same things over and over; I think it is hard for our parents because they wanted 'perfect' for

us, and just don't know what to say, so they say some of the worst and most upsetting things some times; I think it is not meant to

cause harm or hurt but when your child is upsetting you, that DOES upset YOUR parents (I assume anyway; my mom has cried on the phone

with me because she felt sooooo hopeless for me, and wished I could just have a normal parenting experiencing and a child that was as

good as I was when I was little----that IS what she says---I am not 'tooting my own horn-----it frustrates her to hear my children speaking ill

towards me, having their meltdowns, etc. That is hard for them, so we just have to stand our ground, and let them know from time-to-time

that we are glad they care (even if it may not be 'how' we wanted to hear it).

Hang in there; we are here for you.

Ruthie

From: truegrittle@...Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:12:09 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up

Hi Mim,

had SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as a baby.

We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds.

I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty

Mims Batts <mimsnj > wrote:

Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often.

1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom.

2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son.

3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration.

4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother.....

I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it.

What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3.

Thanks for listening.

Mims

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

Take care,

Betty

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

February 18, 2008

A huge heartfelt thank you to all of you who have replied to my posting. I'm new here, so it really bowls me over at the support and comfort that I've received. As I read thru all the topics, it's so reassuring to know that there still are kind people out there and that we're not alone. Our kids may all present differently, but we all still face challenges. What a terrific cheering section this group is!! As far as the professionals go, I've been so disappointed over the years. Son was only diagnosed a couple years ago. I think back to all the professionals I've addressed issues with over the years and no on came close. I try to just put all that in the past and chalk it up to general poor knowledge of the topic. I also chalk up the poor knowledge to our parents and their hurtful comments. To Mom, my son's problems are from how he was brought up.

Husband never spent enough time with him, we never socialized with other people enough, etc...She's very old school. Lord knows I've bit my tongue over the years and not commented on any of her poor parenting choices. I always have just told myself that they did the best they knew how to do. I normally don't bother to even mention problems because the comments I get are usually just knock me down. While I'm on a roll, do you mind if I add one other frustration? I spoke with a good friend, godmother to my boys. Her answer to my frustration from these recent episodes was that I needed a diversion. I need to get a job. Funny how it's ok for her to complain about problems she faces but I can't. Just because I'm not employed out of the house, I can't have parenting frustrations? We both stayed home after our last child was born. She went back part time. We've always been

respectful of one another, and I wouldn't think to ever tell her perhaps she'd have less problems if she cut back her hours and spend more time with her kids. So, once again, thank you for all your support and suggestions. I'm going to see if we can get the retainer made permanent and I'm going to stand in on the face regime a bit more closely for a while to make sure it's getting done and getting done correctly. Mimssherry burford <superchick0770@...> wrote: i'll agree

withtht. sherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote: Oh, sounds like our house again; professionals often just don't get it, do they, that our kiddosaren't as easy as they 'think.' The act like they should just be the age they 'are' when some days they are,other days they are 1-3 years old. It IS frustrating. I am not sure what to tell you, other than, O.T.---I would suggest that to meet sensory needs and getnew ways that are not destructive (like picking and pulling out wires) to meet those, and / or some way tomeet them without CLICKING retainers. Perhaps an incentive to wear it. I would even consider random rewards, andhave school 'help with it,' and if he wears 30 minutes at school today, 'this,' (perhaps 20 minutes of your time playing a board game tonight), then 45 minutes, etc.

until he wear them all day, and after that, wears a week, you will take him toa movie, and two weeks, to 'something he wants to do', etc....I would be trying anything. Also, social stories explainingthe importance and show real pictures of before, after (of others)----extreme, severe ones so it is almost grossing him outto see what his teeth could look like if he does not wear them. This is soooo hard because the braces hurt, and sometimes, the retainers do too. You are not responsible for your son's behaviors and actions; you cannot force him to wear the retainers, any more than suckinghis thumb (sensory need----replace with something else---OT can help with this and ensure you do things your son needs you to doto his highest benefit. Husbands and their lack of understanding; that happens often at our house (I am sure we are not alone)....some days I am sooopassionate about certain things, and he just

does not 'get it' because I am the one doing all the work, setting everything up, and playing"TAXI." My parents have done and said the same things over and over; I think it is hard for our parents because they wanted 'perfect' for us, and just don't know what to say, so they say some of the worst and most upsetting things some times; I think it is not meant to cause harm or hurt but when your child is upsetting you, that DOES upset YOUR parents (I assume anyway; my mom has cried on the phone with me because she felt sooooo hopeless for me, and wished I could just have a normal parenting experiencing and a child that was asgood as I was when I was little----that IS what she says---I am not 'tooting my own horn-----it frustrates her to hear my children speaking illtowards me, having their meltdowns, etc. That is hard for them, so we just have to stand our ground, and let them know from time-to-timethat we are glad they care (even

if it may not be 'how' we wanted to hear it). Hang in there; we are here for you. Ruthie From: truegrittle Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:12:09 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up Hi Mim, had SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got

infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as a baby. We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds. I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty Mims Batts <mimsnj > wrote: Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often. 1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful

Mom. 2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son. 3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration. 4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk

to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother..... I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it. What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3. Thanks for listening. Mims Never

miss a thing. Make your homepage. Take care, Betty Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

February 19, 2008

I am glad you like the support group, i too am fairly new only been here for a few weeks but the response i recieved was absolutely amazing, and the thing is u can ask questions get some great advice or u can just vent, get off your mind and know that we do understand the frustration, the angry, the concern, the feeling alone even w/ friends and family, and it is b/c just like u said we live the same challenge everyday, even though some cases are older or younger, some symptoms are not the same, we still face alot of the same things , so i too feel it is great to be able to turn to someone else and know they understand and actually get you as a mom. SherryMims Batts <mimsnj@...> wrote: A huge heartfelt thank you to all of you who have replied to my posting. I'm new here, so it really bowls me over at the support and comfort that I've received. As I read thru all the topics, it's so reassuring to know that there still are kind people out there and that we're not alone. Our kids may all present differently, but we all still face challenges. What a terrific cheering section this group is!! As far as the professionals go, I've been so disappointed over the years. Son was only diagnosed a couple years ago. I think back to all the professionals I've addressed issues with over the years and no on came close. I try to just put all that in the past and chalk it up to general poor knowledge of the topic. I

also chalk up the poor knowledge to our parents and their hurtful comments. To Mom, my son's problems are from how he was brought up. Husband never spent enough time with him, we never socialized with other people enough, etc...She's very old school. Lord knows I've bit my tongue over the years and not commented on any of her poor parenting choices. I always have just told myself that they did the best they knew how to do. I normally don't bother to even mention problems because the comments I get are usually just knock me down. While I'm on a roll, do you mind if I add one other frustration? I spoke with a good friend, godmother to my boys. Her answer to my frustration from these recent episodes was that I needed a diversion. I need to get a job. Funny how it's ok for her to complain about problems she faces but I can't. Just because I'm not employed out of the house, I

can't have parenting frustrations? We both stayed home after our last child was born. She went back part time. We've always been respectful of one another, and I wouldn't think to ever tell her perhaps she'd have less problems if she cut back her hours and spend more time with her kids. So, once again, thank you for all your support and suggestions. I'm going to see if we can get the retainer made permanent and I'm going to stand in on the face regime a bit more closely for a while to make sure it's getting done and getting done correctly. Mimssherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: i'll agree withtht. sherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote: Oh, sounds like our house again; professionals often just don't get it, do they, that our kiddosaren't as easy as they 'think.' The act like they should just be the age they 'are' when some days they are,other days they are 1-3 years old. It IS frustrating. I am not sure what to tell you, other than, O.T.---I would suggest that to meet sensory needs and getnew ways that are not destructive (like picking and pulling out wires) to meet those, and / or some way tomeet them without CLICKING retainers. Perhaps an incentive to wear it. I would even consider random rewards, andhave school 'help with it,' and if he wears 30 minutes at school today, 'this,' (perhaps 20 minutes of your time playing a board game tonight), then 45 minutes, etc. until he wear them all day, and after that, wears a week, you will take him toa movie, and two weeks, to 'something he wants to do', etc....I would be

trying anything. Also, social stories explainingthe importance and show real pictures of before, after (of others)----extreme, severe ones so it is almost grossing him outto see what his teeth could look like if he does not wear them. This is soooo hard because the braces hurt, and sometimes, the retainers do too. You are not responsible for your son's behaviors and actions; you cannot force him to wear the retainers, any more than suckinghis thumb (sensory need----replace with something else---OT can help with this and ensure you do things your son needs you to doto his highest benefit. Husbands and their lack of understanding; that happens often at our house (I am sure we are not alone)....some days I am sooopassionate about certain things, and he just does not 'get it' because I am the one doing all the work, setting everything up, and playing"TAXI." My parents have done and said the same things

over and over; I think it is hard for our parents because they wanted 'perfect' for us, and just don't know what to say, so they say some of the worst and most upsetting things some times; I think it is not meant to cause harm or hurt but when your child is upsetting you, that DOES upset YOUR parents (I assume anyway; my mom has cried on the phone with me because she felt sooooo hopeless for me, and wished I could just have a normal parenting experiencing and a child that was asgood as I was when I was little----that IS what she says---I am not 'tooting my own horn-----it frustrates her to hear my children speaking illtowards me, having their meltdowns, etc. That is hard for them, so we just have to stand our ground, and let them know from time-to-timethat we are glad they care (even if it may not be 'how' we wanted to hear it). Hang in there; we are here for you. Ruthie From: truegrittle Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:12:09 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up Hi Mim, had SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as a baby. We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds. I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty Mims Batts <mimsnj > wrote: Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I

think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often. 1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom. 2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear

retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son. 3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration. 4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by

mother..... I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it. What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3. Thanks for listening. Mims Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Take care, Betty Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

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February 19, 2008

hi Mims

that's the funny thing about most friendships, there is always one who is the listener and giver and the other takes and takes and takes

but when you make friends here even if you never see them in person, there is give and listen on both ends ! you have many new true blue friends here.

hugs

with 3 aspies

Wags! Wags! Wags!

Lowry

"There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face."

Author Ben

From: superchick0770@...Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2008 06:58:43 -0800Subject: RE: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up

I am glad you like the support group, i too am fairly new only been here for a few weeks but the response i recieved was absolutely amazing, and the thing is u can ask questions get some great advice or u can just vent, get off your mind and know that we do understand the frustration, the angry, the concern, the feeling alone even w/ friends and family, and it is b/c just like u said we live the same challenge everyday, even though some cases are older or younger, some symptoms are not the same, we still face alot of the same things , so i too feel it is great to be able to turn to someone else and know they understand and actually get you as a mom. SherryMims Batts <mimsnj > wrote:

A huge heartfelt thank you to all of you who have replied to my posting. I'm new here, so it really bowls me over at the support and comfort that I've received. As I read thru all the topics, it's so reassuring to know that there still are kind people out there and that we're not alone. Our kids may all present differently, but we all still face challenges. What a terrific cheering section this group is!!

As far as the professionals go, I've been so disappointed over the years. Son was only diagnosed a couple years ago. I think back to all the professionals I've addressed issues with over the years and no on came close. I try to just put all that in the past and chalk it up to general poor knowledge of the topic.

I also chalk up the poor knowledge to our parents and their hurtful comments. To Mom, my son's problems are from how he was brought up. Husband never spent enough time with him, we never socialized with other people enough, etc...She's very old school. Lord knows I've bit my tongue over the years and not commented on any of her poor parenting choices. I always have just told myself that they did the best they knew how to do. I normally don't bother to even mention problems because the comments I get are usually just knock me down.

While I'm on a roll, do you mind if I add one other frustration? I spoke with a good friend, godmother to my boys. Her answer to my frustration from these recent episodes was that I needed a diversion. I need to get a job. Funny how it's ok for her to complain about problems she faces but I can't. Just because I'm not employed out of the house, I can't have parenting frustrations? We both stayed home after our last child was born. She went back part time. We've always been respectful of one another, and I wouldn't think to ever tell her perhaps she'd have less problems if she cut back her hours and spend more time with her kids.

So, once again, thank you for all your support and suggestions. I'm going to see if we can get the retainer made permanent and I'm going to stand in on the face regime a bit more closely for a while to make sure it's getting done and getting done correctly.

Mimssherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote:

i'll agree withtht. sherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote:

Oh, sounds like our house again; professionals often just don't get it, do they, that our kiddosaren't as easy as they 'think.' The act like they should just be the age they 'are' when some days they are,other days they are 1-3 years old. It IS frustrating. I am not sure what to tell you, other than, O.T.---I would suggest that to meet sensory needs and getnew ways that are not destructive (like picking and pulling out wires) to meet those, and / or some way tomeet them without CLICKING retainers. Perhaps an incentive to wear it. I would even consider random rewards, andhave school 'help with it,' and if he wears 30 minutes at school today, 'this,' (perhaps 20 minutes of your time playing a board game tonight), then 45 minutes, etc. until he wear them all day, and after that, wears a week, you will take him toa movie, and two weeks, to 'something he wants to do', etc....I would be trying anything. Also, social stories explainingthe importance and show real pictures of before, after (of others)----extreme, severe ones so it is almost grossing him outto see what his teeth could look like if he does not wear them. This is soooo hard because the braces hurt, and sometimes, the retainers do too. You are not responsible for your son's behaviors and actions; you cannot force him to wear the retainers, any more than suckinghis thumb (sensory need----replace with something else---OT can help with this and ensure you do things your son needs you to doto his highest benefit. Husbands and their lack of understanding; that happens often at our house (I am sure we are not alone)....some days I am sooopassionate about certain things, and he just does not 'get it' because I am the one doing all the work, setting everything up, and playing"TAXI." My parents have done and said the same things over and over; I think it is hard for our parents because they wanted 'perfect' for us, and just don't know what to say, so they say some of the worst and most upsetting things some times; I think it is not meant to cause harm or hurt but when your child is upsetting you, that DOES upset YOUR parents (I assume anyway; my mom has cried on the phone with me because she felt sooooo hopeless for me, and wished I could just have a normal parenting experiencing and a child that was asgood as I was when I was little----that IS what she says---I am not 'tooting my own horn-----it frustrates her to hear my children speaking illtowards me, having their meltdowns, etc. That is hard for them, so we just have to stand our ground, and let them know from time-to-timethat we are glad they care (even if it may not be 'how' we wanted to hear it). Hang in there; we are here for you. Ruthie

From: truegrittle Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:12:09 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up

Hi Mim,

had SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as a baby.

We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds.

I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty

Mims Batts <mimsnj > wrote:

Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often.

1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom.

2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son.

3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration.

4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother.....

I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it.

What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3.

Thanks for listening.

Mims

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

Take care,

Betty

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

February 19, 2008

Well said !!! Sherry Lowry <flyballmom@...> wrote: hi Mims that's the funny thing about most friendships, there is always one who is the listener and giver and the other takes and takes and takes but when you make friends here even if you never see them in person, there is give and listen on both ends ! you have many new true blue friends here. hugs with 3 aspies Wags! Wags! Wags! Lowry "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." Author Ben From: superchick0770 Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2008 06:58:43 -0800Subject: RE: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up I am glad you like the support group, i too am fairly new only been here for a few weeks but the response i recieved was absolutely amazing, and the thing is

u can ask questions get some great advice or u can just vent, get off your mind and know that we do understand the frustration, the angry, the concern, the feeling alone even w/ friends and family, and it is b/c just like u said we live the same challenge everyday, even though some cases are older or younger, some symptoms are not the same, we still face alot of the same things , so i too feel it is great to be able to turn to someone else and know they understand and actually get you as a mom. SherryMims Batts <mimsnj > wrote: A huge heartfelt thank you to all of you who have replied to my posting. I'm new here, so it really bowls me over at the support and comfort that I've received. As I read thru all the topics, it's so reassuring to know that there still are kind people out there and that we're not

alone. Our kids may all present differently, but we all still face challenges. What a terrific cheering section this group is!! As far as the professionals go, I've been so disappointed over the years. Son was only diagnosed a couple years ago. I think back to all the professionals I've addressed issues with over the years and no on came close. I try to just put all that in the past and chalk it up to general poor knowledge of the topic. I also chalk up the poor knowledge to our parents and their hurtful comments. To Mom, my son's problems are from how he was brought up. Husband never spent enough time with him, we never socialized with other people enough, etc...She's very old school. Lord knows I've bit my tongue over the years and not commented on any of her poor parenting choices. I always have just told myself that they did the best they knew how to

do. I normally don't bother to even mention problems because the comments I get are usually just knock me down. While I'm on a roll, do you mind if I add one other frustration? I spoke with a good friend, godmother to my boys. Her answer to my frustration from these recent episodes was that I needed a diversion. I need to get a job. Funny how it's ok for her to complain about problems she faces but I can't. Just because I'm not employed out of the house, I can't have parenting frustrations? We both stayed home after our last child was born. She went back part time. We've always been respectful of one another, and I wouldn't think to ever tell her perhaps she'd have less problems if she cut back her hours and spend more time with her kids. So, once again, thank you for all your support and suggestions. I'm going to see if we can get the

retainer made permanent and I'm going to stand in on the face regime a bit more closely for a while to make sure it's getting done and getting done correctly. Mimssherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: i'll agree withtht. sherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote: Oh, sounds like our house again; professionals often just don't get it, do they, that our kiddosaren't as easy as they 'think.' The act like they should just be the age they 'are' when some days they are,other days they are 1-3 years old. It IS frustrating. I am not sure what to tell you, other than, O.T.---I would suggest that to meet sensory needs and getnew ways

that are not destructive (like picking and pulling out wires) to meet those, and / or some way tomeet them without CLICKING retainers. Perhaps an incentive to wear it. I would even consider random rewards, andhave school 'help with it,' and if he wears 30 minutes at school today, 'this,' (perhaps 20 minutes of your time playing a board game tonight), then 45 minutes, etc. until he wear them all day, and after that, wears a week, you will take him toa movie, and two weeks, to 'something he wants to do', etc....I would be trying anything. Also, social stories explainingthe importance and show real pictures of before, after (of others)----extreme, severe ones so it is almost grossing him outto see what his teeth could look like if he does not wear them. This is soooo hard because the braces hurt, and sometimes, the retainers do too. You are not responsible for your son's behaviors and actions; you cannot

force him to wear the retainers, any more than suckinghis thumb (sensory need----replace with something else---OT can help with this and ensure you do things your son needs you to doto his highest benefit. Husbands and their lack of understanding; that happens often at our house (I am sure we are not alone)....some days I am sooopassionate about certain things, and he just does not 'get it' because I am the one doing all the work, setting everything up, and playing"TAXI." My parents have done and said the same things over and over; I think it is hard for our parents because they wanted 'perfect' for us, and just don't know what to say, so they say some of the worst and most upsetting things some times; I think it is not meant to cause harm or hurt but when your child is upsetting you, that DOES upset YOUR parents (I assume anyway; my mom has cried on the phone with me because she felt sooooo hopeless for me, and wished I

could just have a normal parenting experiencing and a child that was asgood as I was when I was little----that IS what she says---I am not 'tooting my own horn-----it frustrates her to hear my children speaking illtowards me, having their meltdowns, etc. That is hard for them, so we just have to stand our ground, and let them know from time-to-timethat we are glad they care (even if it may not be 'how' we wanted to hear it). Hang in there; we are here for you. Ruthie From: truegrittle Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:12:09 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up Hi Mim, had

SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as a baby. We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with

his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds. I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty Mims Batts <mimsnj > wrote: Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often. 1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting

son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom. 2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new

retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son. 3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration. 4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother..... I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual,

pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it. What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3. Thanks for listening. Mims Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Take care, Betty Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast

with Search. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

February 19, 2008

, so true! I've always been one of those good listeners and givers, that's just who I am, but as I've gone thru my own issues it really has hurt that others who have taken freely don't step up to the plate to give, even if it's just a little. It's really made me examine who I am and I've grown to change how freely I am to jump in. It's like a protective response, I suppose. Mims Lowry <flyballmom@...> wrote: hi Mims that's the funny thing about most

friendships, there is always one who is the listener and giver and the other takes and takes and takes but when you make friends here even if you never see them in person, there is give and listen on both ends ! you have many new true blue friends here. hugs with 3 aspies Wags! Wags! Wags! Lowry "There is no psychiatrist in the world like a puppy licking your face." Author Ben To:

From: superchick0770 Date: Tue, 19 Feb 2008 06:58:43 -0800Subject: RE: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up I am glad you like the support group, i too am fairly new only been here for a few weeks but the response i recieved was absolutely amazing, and the thing is u can ask questions get some great advice or u can just vent, get off your mind and know that we do understand the frustration, the angry, the concern, the feeling alone even w/ friends and family, and it is b/c just like u said we live the same challenge everyday, even though some cases are older or younger, some symptoms are not the same, we still face alot of the same things , so i too feel it is great to be able to turn to someone else and know they understand and actually get you as a mom. SherryMims Batts

<mimsnj > wrote: A huge heartfelt thank you to all of you who have replied to my posting. I'm new here, so it really bowls me over at the support and comfort that I've received. As I read thru all the topics, it's so reassuring to know that there still are kind people out there and that we're not alone. Our kids may all present differently, but we all still face challenges. What a terrific cheering section this group is!! As far as the professionals go, I've been so disappointed over the years. Son was only diagnosed a couple years ago. I think back to all the professionals I've addressed issues with over the years and no on came close. I try to just put all that in the past and chalk it up to general poor knowledge of the topic. I

also chalk up the poor knowledge to our parents and their hurtful comments. To Mom, my son's problems are from how he was brought up. Husband never spent enough time with him, we never socialized with other people enough, etc...She's very old school. Lord knows I've bit my tongue over the years and not commented on any of her poor parenting choices. I always have just told myself that they did the best they knew how to do. I normally don't bother to even mention problems because the comments I get are usually just knock me down. While I'm on a roll, do you mind if I add one other frustration? I spoke with a good friend, godmother to my boys. Her answer to my frustration from these recent episodes was that I needed a diversion. I need to get a job. Funny how it's ok for her to complain about problems she faces but I can't. Just because I'm not employed out of the house, I

can't have parenting frustrations? We both stayed home after our last child was born. She went back part time. We've always been respectful of one another, and I wouldn't think to ever tell her perhaps she'd have less problems if she cut back her hours and spend more time with her kids. So, once again, thank you for all your support and suggestions. I'm going to see if we can get the retainer made permanent and I'm going to stand in on the face regime a bit more closely for a while to make sure it's getting done and getting done correctly. Mimssherry burford <superchick0770 > wrote: i'll agree withtht. sherryBRYAN DOLEZAL <DOLEZAL123msn> wrote: Oh, sounds like our house again; professionals often just don't get it, do they, that our kiddosaren't as easy as they 'think.' The act like they should just be the age they 'are' when some days they are,other days they are 1-3 years old. It IS frustrating. I am not sure what to tell you, other than, O.T.---I would suggest that to meet sensory needs and getnew ways that are not destructive (like picking and pulling out wires) to meet those, and / or some way tomeet them without CLICKING retainers. Perhaps an incentive to wear it. I would even consider random rewards, andhave school 'help with it,' and if he wears 30 minutes at school today, 'this,' (perhaps 20 minutes of your time playing a board game tonight), then 45 minutes, etc. until he wear them all day, and after that, wears a week, you will take him toa movie, and two weeks, to 'something he wants to do', etc....I

would be trying anything. Also, social stories explainingthe importance and show real pictures of before, after (of others)----extreme, severe ones so it is almost grossing him outto see what his teeth could look like if he does not wear them. This is soooo hard because the braces hurt, and sometimes, the retainers do too. You are not responsible for your son's behaviors and actions; you cannot force him to wear the retainers, any more than suckinghis thumb (sensory need----replace with something else---OT can help with this and ensure you do things your son needs you to doto his highest benefit. Husbands and their lack of understanding; that happens often at our house (I am sure we are not alone)....some days I am sooopassionate about certain things, and he just does not 'get it' because I am the one doing all the work, setting everything up, and playing"TAXI." My parents have done and said the

same things over and over; I think it is hard for our parents because they wanted 'perfect' for us, and just don't know what to say, so they say some of the worst and most upsetting things some times; I think it is not meant to cause harm or hurt but when your child is upsetting you, that DOES upset YOUR parents (I assume anyway; my mom has cried on the phone with me because she felt sooooo hopeless for me, and wished I could just have a normal parenting experiencing and a child that was asgood as I was when I was little----that IS what she says---I am not 'tooting my own horn-----it frustrates her to hear my children speaking illtowards me, having their meltdowns, etc. That is hard for them, so we just have to stand our ground, and let them know from time-to-timethat we are glad they care (even if it may not be 'how' we wanted to hear it). Hang in there; we are here for you. Ruthie From: truegrittle Date: Sun, 17 Feb 2008 17:12:09 -0800Subject: Re: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up Hi Mim, had SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as

a baby. We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds. I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty Mims Batts <mimsnj > wrote: Just looking to let off some frustration. It

never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often. 1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom. 2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from

Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son. 3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration. 4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face

already???) Then got tuned out by mother..... I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it. What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3. Thanks for listening. Mims Never miss a thing. Make your

homepage. Take care, Betty Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search. Never miss a thing. Make your homepage. Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now. Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

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February 22, 2008

Mims, that is the same as my in-laws were - always blaming me for why our ds was the way he was. Ugh. BTDT!

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up

Hi Mim,

had SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as a baby.

We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds.

I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty

Mims Batts <mimsnj > wrote:

Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often.

1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom.

2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son.

3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration.

4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother.....

I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it.

What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3.

Thanks for listening.

Mims

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

Take care,

Betty

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

February 22, 2008

Gosh ,

that was a good reply. I never thought of it that way. I went through this in real life about one year ago now - I was always the one showing up to help and be supportive. Then when everything was falling apart for me, nobody had time nor did they even care or ask me how things were going! Nothing. I was so shocked and hurt at the time. I thought people were friends when they really weren't in the end - found out the hard way when I could have used a few friends! I never thought of it as the "givers" and "takers." But that is exactly what it is!

Mims, I understand exactly what you are saying about not being so quick to offer to help. I did that and do that now.

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up

Hi Mim,

had SEVERVE acne & believe me nothing worked & we tried everything then we went to another Dermatologist that told us that had the kind of acne that would only respond to a medication called Accutane. There were lots of dangerous side effects but they watched him very closely. He did develop some side effects like VERY curly hair,his big toes got infected so bad that he got MRSA & had to be treated for that with a tropical salve & gloves. Now his face is as smooth as a baby.

We are taking him to a new Orthodontist in the morning. had pulled out wires left & right. He also has an adaptor appliance attached to the braces so he won't suck his thumb any more. (He's 16 yrs old next month). He never ever flosses & his teeth are as separated as day one. He has had these on for 2 years & I think the braces will have to be replaced. He is always playing with his braces. I have to stand guard while he brushes & takes his meds.

I can relate,I know where you are coming from. Take care,Betty

Mims Batts <mimsnj > wrote:

Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often.

1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom.

2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son.

3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration.

4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother.....

I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it.

What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3.

Thanks for listening.

Mims

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

Take care,

Betty

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

Looking for last minute shopping deals? Find them fast with Search.

Be a better friend, newshound, and know-it-all with Mobile. Try it now.

February 22, 2008

LOL, kind of makes you want to look at them and say, "Ohhhhh, you mean, you just talk to him and he gets it and the problem is solved? Wow. I've never thought of that...." Walk away looking as if you've just discovered the meaning of life. LOL.

Ok, sarcasm alert there. But some days you just wanna say stuff like that. lol.

I wonder why the ortho was giving you the "smackdown" and not directing this conversation to your ds! Especially at his age, obviously, I would think the ortho would be lecturing him instead of you. But gee, if it was that simple, I bet he'd be lecturing the kid and not the parent. But he knows it won't do any good! lol.

RoxannaAutism Happens

( ) Feeling like I've been beat up

Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often.

1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3 years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom.

2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son.

3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration.

4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother.....

I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it.

What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3.

Thanks for listening.

Mims

Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

February 24, 2008

Yeah, imagine that! I would have never even thought of talking to ds about his skin or teeth! Oh, if I only had this knowledge years ago! <another sarcasm alert!> I have bluntly come out and said this to my Mom. She'll start on her solution of "Now, what I would do would be to sit down and talk to him and explain to him that it is important to wash his face. Tell him to use a cloth, the soap and water. Show him how to wet the cloth and later it up with the soap....." I kid you not. My mother finds it necessary to spell it out for me in such miniscule, baby steps. Anymore, I cut her off once she says ."...sit down..." I DO TALK TO HIM! I TALK TO HIM IN GREAT DETAIL OVER AND OVER AND OVER UNTIL I'M BLUE IN THE FACE!!! To which she replies...."Well, you really do need to stay calm. It

doesn't help to yell at him." AArrggghhhhhh!!!! Thus, I usually avoid discussing any issues. It is strange about the ortho. I feel he should have reprimanded my son about wearing his retainers rather than giving me the smackdown. I find that it means so much more to my son if it comes from another adult, esp someone like a doctor or teacher. It's also odd because we've been to 2 orthos and in both cases, they seem to address the child during the treatment sessions. I often feel like I'm the third wheel, only there to make the payment. I am 45 and when situations like this arise, I'm kind of glad I didn't have kids when I was very young. At least now I'm thick-skinned enough that I didn't crumble. MimsRoxanna <madideas@...> wrote: LOL, kind of makes you want to look at them and say, "Ohhhhh, you mean, you just talk to him and he gets it and the problem is solved? Wow. I've never thought of that...." Walk away looking as if you've just discovered the meaning of life. LOL. Ok, sarcasm alert there. But some days you just wanna say stuff like that. lol. I wonder why the ortho was giving you the "smackdown" and not directing this conversation to your ds! Especially at his age, obviously, I would think the ortho would be lecturing him instead of you. But gee, if it was that simple, I bet he'd be lecturing the kid and not the parent. But he knows it won't do any good! lol. RoxannaAutism Happens ( ) Feeling like I've been beat up Just looking to let off some frustration. It never fails. Just when I think we're in a good place and things are going along fairly smoothly with our son -- WHAM! the tables get turned. I'll try to be brief. I'm sure most of you can relate with a list of your own, if not a list twice as long. Over the last 2 days, I feel like I've been smacked down once too often. 1) Son's psychologist approaches me suggesting son's acne be treated. Tried explaining to psych that we've addressed this for at least 3

years, but I don't know that he really got the picture. Son has had various prescribed <and costly> medications. Problem is son doesn't consistently follow skin care program despite constant nagging, cueing, etc from parents. Left feeling as if I was being seen as the neglectful Mom. 2) Son's orthodontist informs me his retainers don't fit. Proceded to get smackdown from Ortho that son doesn't wear retainers enough and bottom line, it's the parent's fault. Explained to him that son's speech is horrendous with the retainers in his mouth and there's no way that he can wear them to school. I've nagged him endlessly about wearing them while out of school. Even when he wears them, he's constantly "clucking" them, which makes wearing them useless. Ortho tells me he either needs a new retainer, replacing braces or opt to do nothing at all and let teeth shift back. Left there

feeling like Bad Mom and also left very annoyed at son. 3)Tried relating episodes to husband.. who was too busy and didn't get my frustration. 4) Tried talking to my mother about it. Gritted my teeth as she told me that I should talk to my son about these things <AARRGGHHHH!!! Like I haven't talked to him until I was blue in the face already???) Then got tuned out by mother..... I guess I just needed to vent my frustration. I'm usually thicker skinned, and I did stand my ground with the ortho and psych, but I don't think they got my message. Son is 16. I've really be trying to work on life skills with him and working toward hopeful, eventual independence one day. I cue him endlessly - verbal cues, visual, pictures, calendars, bribes, rewards, threats.... you name it. What do you think? Should I tie him down and watch over him like I would when he was a toddler? These aren't new issues. He's been with braces about 5 years and the acne issue at least 3. Thanks for listening. Mims Never miss a thing. Make your homepage.

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