RE: Newly diagnosed 6 year old son...

[Guest guest]

I know that this will sound harsh and is not really what you are

asking but the first thing that I would do is find a new school. It

will only cause you and your son more stress and unhappiness to be in

a place that he is unwanted. I am not sure how the laws work

regarding private school but I would find a school that has a good

reputation for working well with Special needs children. Since your

son is high functioning this does not have to be a school that is for

disabled kids.

My son is hf and is in a public elementary school that is fabulous.

He was diagnosed when he was about 7. He is 10 now. We have had an

IEP in place since he started at this school when he was 5. The

school has worked very hard to accomidate my son's needs and make it

an enjoyable school experience for him.

From your description your son sound very much like mine and I know

from personal experience that when my son began to feel like nothing

he did mattered because he would always do the wrong thing and he was

a " bad kid " all of our lives (family, son and school) were bad.

Your son needs to be in an environment where he is allowed and even

encouraged to rise above the Autism, not torn down because he is not

a little " stepford " child.

I would be happy to chat more but I don't want to overwhelm you. Let

me know if you want anymore information.

Vickie

>

> Hi everyone. I just joined this group in hopes of learning more

> about AS. My son was diagnosed this week w/mild AS+ADHD. He goes

to

> a private school and his class size is only 8. Ordinarily this

would

> be great but it's very free-form and unstructured and he is getting

> into trouble constantly, has been labeled by the staff and even his

> classmates. His confidence and self esteem is falling and the

> teacher is becomming really frustrated, looking to me for advice.

I

> have not told her or the school about the diagnosis b/c I feel I'm

> not really equipped w/information...this is all really huge, really

> sudden and I'm struggling to understand it all myself. The

> headmaster, after being told that we were getting him tested, said

> they are not a " special needs school nor do they intend on

becomming

> one. " Nice huh?! So I am reluctant to tell them anything but I

know

> that needs understanding and patience from everyone there and

a

> diagnosis may help them w/that. Okay...sorry to ramble on. I

guess

> my question is do any of you have any advice for things that the

> teacher can do in the classroom to help him? She says he's

> impulsive, unable to control his body (hits, picks on other kids,

> etc...), lacks focus during times of classroom work, won't

> participate in group activities (like music, dance, PE) and makes

> comments, jokes or sounds at inappropriate times. Also, if any of

you

> have any tips on things I can read/listen to/watch to get me up to

> speed quickly on AS/ADHD I would be so appreciative! He's such a

> sweet, loving, smart boy and to see him feeling like (and saying)

> that he's a loser or a bad kid breaks my heart!! Any help you

could

> lend would be great....thanks in advance. I hope I posted this

> properly...I'm a neubie! ) ~Christi

>

[Guest guest]

Thank you so much Vickie! My husband and I have talked about

removing him from this school (and stepford is the term we have used

to describe them!). ly the best thing about it is the

friendship he has w/another HF autistic boy in his class and his HF

autistic brother in kindergarten. This relationship could continue

to grow (and has) outside of the school though. It is very

frustrating dealing w/this school. I just assumed that all

businesses had to allow certain rights and accommodations to anyone

w/any disability (ADA/discrimination, etc.) -- boy was I wrong!

Anyway, the other problem is we live in a rural area and public

school system is pretty bad (which is why we chose the private

route). There are other religious based private schools here but

nothing special needs. We also have a concern of taking him from

such a small setting into a public elementary school w/several

hundred kids, mid-year, w/his insecurity in new settings/crowds... We

have thought of home-schooling as well. We are hoping to hang in

there at this school until the end of this term (december) but if

things don't improve we will get him out sooner. ly our heads

are spinning and nothing seems quite right. It is so comforting to

know that you have a son that is similiar to mine and you guys are

doing so well. I know what an IEP is (like what it stands for) but

is this something that is specific that you could share w/me?

Anything, absolutely anything else that you could offer would be

awesome. Thanks so much for your reply!!!

[Guest guest]

Have you spoken to the parents of the HF autistic boy in his class? Are they doing anything to help their son in school? Is the school doing anything for them? At the end of the day, if the school staff has no inclination to help or make accommodations for a child with Aspergers, I would get him out of there and into a school where he can get assistance and understanding. Sounds like that would be tough for your family, but I think dealing with a school that's so rigid and lacks compassion for your son's special needs would be much harder in the long run. Good luck!

( ) Re: Newly diagnosed 6 year old son...

Thank you so much Vickie! My husband and I have talked about removing him from this school (and stepford is the term we have used to describe them!). ly the best thing about it is the friendship he has w/another HF autistic boy in his class and his HF autistic brother in kindergarten. This relationship could continue to grow (and has) outside of the school though. It is very frustrating dealing w/this school. I just assumed that all businesses had to allow certain rights and accommodations to anyone w/any disability (ADA/discrimination , etc.) -- boy was I wrong! Anyway, the other problem is we live in a rural area and public school system is pretty bad (which is why we chose the private route). There are other religious based private schools here but nothing special needs. We also have a concern of taking him from such a small setting into a public elementary school w/several hundred kids,

mid-year, w/his insecurity in new settings/crowds. .. We have thought of home-schooling as well. We are hoping to hang in there at this school until the end of this term (december) but if things don't improve we will get him out sooner. ly our heads are spinning and nothing seems quite right. It is so comforting to know that you have a son that is similiar to mine and you guys are doing so well. I know what an IEP is (like what it stands for) but is this something that is specific that you could share w/me? Anything, absolutely anything else that you could offer would be awesome. Thanks so much for your reply!!!

[Guest guest]

WARNING: Long Post

Let me start off by giving a little history of my son and our process

of diagnosis. My son was (I thought) a pretty normal kid. If

anything we thought he was extrordinarily outgoing. We would laugh

at the fact that we could walk through a grocery store and if he saw

another child (complete stranger) he would yell out " do you want to

come over to my house to play " . He also played by himself better

than any kid we knew and was very verbal. The only problem area we

had was a tendancy for him to hit or hurt kids beyond the age where

it is develepmentaly normal.

Our problems started when he started school. We put him in 4K when

he was just 4 years old. It was a large urban school and frankly a

nightmare. He was in a class with 34 kids, one teacher and a 1 hour

per day aid for all day 4K. From the time he started school until

about December we saw our sweet, outgoing little boy turn into an

angry, stressed and miserable boy. Just before Christmas we received

a call from his teacher that he had " lunged " at her with a scissors.

I picked him up from school that day and never took him back to that

school. We spoke to his pediatrician about what was going on and she

recomended that we take him to a Phsycologist because of his change

in behavior.

The Phsycologist diagnosed him as ADD. He did not return to school

that year but by the fall we had moved to a rural community that has

a good school district. We started him in 5K and behavior problems

started right away. After about a month the teacher and guidance

director recommended that he be moved to 4K because he seemed a

little immature and was struggling. This was not a problem for us

because his birthday is the end of August and so he was one of the

youngest in his class. Unfortunately the move to 4K did not resolve

any of the issue. The school then recommended testing for Early

Childhood Special Ed.

This was the start of our IEP process. At the time he qualified for

early childhood which allowed them to work with him through out his

kindergarden years. The types of things that they worked on a lot at

that point was transitioning. By putting into place some picture

reminders of the schedule and giving him 5, 10 minute reminder of

upcoming transitions he was less stressed and therefore less likely

to get agitated and therefore agressive. At this point we decided

that we were not making any progress with his Psycologist and needed

to get more testing done. We were referred to the local Childrens

Hospital and their Child Developement Center. There we started

working with a Psychiatrist that diagnosed him as ADD, Anxiety and

perhaps PDD.

When he got into 1st grade he was to old for early childhood so he

was retested and placed into special ed for EBD (emotional-behavioral

disturbance). The IEP didn't change much. Sometime in the beginning

of the school year our Psychiatrist left the Hospital and referred us

to the Psychiatry, Behavior Medicine Department and recommended

NueroPsycological testing.

Just after the New Years break we were given the results of that

testing. He is diagnosed as High Functioning Autism (Between

Aspbergers and PDD_NOS). The test results have been very helpful

because they brought out some very specific deficencies that allowed

us to make specific changes in his IEP. For example he has poor

executive function skills (short explanation is he cant multitask) so

he does very poorly with multiple step projects and does poorly on

timed test. Therefore his IEP has accomidations for timed tests

written in (either he is not timed or he is scored on what he got

done not how many he got done).

Since the diagnosis we have had a great experience working with the

school. They take great care picking the right teacher for him and

working with the special ed teacher to get the best from him. They

even have him in a special PE class once a week with only one other

boy because PE is such a stress for him. I have really not had to

fight for anything. Most of the things they do for him are their

ideas. They pick up on things that he likes and use that for reward

and try really hard to defuse situtations before they start. But I

am also very proactive with the teachers. I meet with them before

school starts each year and talk about s and how his Autism

will affect him and them. I am in communication with the teacher and

the Special Ed teacher all the time.

s is now 10 and we are again needing a new doctor because our

psychiatrist is leaving the department. We are thinking of having

him retested since it has been a few years and now that he can read

there are other tests that they can do that they didn't do last

time. The testing was invaluable to us because it was very specific

in explaining his weeknesses. This gave us the ability to address

those areas in the IEP process.

Obviously in some regard the benefit of Public school with regards to

special ed is that you have the protection of the law. Sometimes

this can be a downside also because it can be very burocratic. What

concerns me the most about your situation is the hostility that the

headmaster is expressing toward " special needs " . I don't know if

private schools must follow the same laws regarding special ed but I

would choose to be in a school that is more open to making

accomodations. Since you mentioned homeschooling as an option I

assume you are home during the day. Are there any public school in

the area that you could enroll your child in next year (does your

state have an open enrollment program?)?

Vickie - ps: you can email me directly baneline1@...

[Guest guest]

Christi,

I agree with Vicki, find a new school. I worked at a private school

that wasn't open to children with special needs. They didn't think

they could afford to accomodate them. I taught Kindergarten, and I

put in lots of extra effort to help the kids who struggled, taking

classes on my own in special education etc. But often kids who were

considered a problem were asked to leave, and even if your child gets

a teacher who tries to be helpful, the administration might not

tolerate him, and the next teacher might not accomodate either.

You can borrow resources from your local library on AS/ADHD. I order

books online, then pick them up at the library. You can look into

local autism support centers for info.

> >

> > Hi everyone. I just joined this group in hopes of learning more

> > about AS. My son was diagnosed this week w/mild AS+ADHD. He

goes

> to

> > a private school and his class size is only 8. Ordinarily this

> would

> > be great but it's very free-form and unstructured and he is

getting

> > into trouble constantly, has been labeled by the staff and even

his

> > classmates. His confidence and self esteem is falling and the

> > teacher is becomming really frustrated, looking to me for

advice.

> I

> > have not told her or the school about the diagnosis b/c I feel

I'm

> > not really equipped w/information...this is all really huge,

really

> > sudden and I'm struggling to understand it all myself. The

> > headmaster, after being told that we were getting him tested,

said

> > they are not a " special needs school nor do they intend on

> becomming

> > one. " Nice huh?! So I am reluctant to tell them anything but I

> know

> > that needs understanding and patience from everyone there

and

> a

> > diagnosis may help them w/that. Okay...sorry to ramble on. I

> guess

> > my question is do any of you have any advice for things that the

> > teacher can do in the classroom to help him? She says he's

> > impulsive, unable to control his body (hits, picks on other kids,

> > etc...), lacks focus during times of classroom work, won't

> > participate in group activities (like music, dance, PE) and makes

> > comments, jokes or sounds at inappropriate times. Also, if any of

> you

> > have any tips on things I can read/listen to/watch to get me up

to

> > speed quickly on AS/ADHD I would be so appreciative! He's such a

> > sweet, loving, smart boy and to see him feeling like (and saying)

> > that he's a loser or a bad kid breaks my heart!! Any help you

> could

> > lend would be great....thanks in advance. I hope I posted this

> > properly...I'm a neubie! ) ~Christi

> >

>

[Guest guest]

I am sorry to hear that your son is having problems in school. I know how stressful that can be. I was a spec. ed. teacher for several years before having my own children. I have taught in public schools and also in a private spec. ed. school for several years.

Although a reg. ed. private school can be wonderful, it sounds like the philosophy and methodology of the school your son is currently attending is not an appropriate match. And it has been my experience that reg. ed. private schools do not have the resources to meet the needs of kids with spec. needs unfortunately. You may be fighting a losing battle there.

Just from hearing the little you've posted, it sounds to me like a transition out of that school (although disruptive to your son) may be the best thing for him in the long run. The classroom teacher does not seem to have the training or skills needed to manage your son's behaviors and because of this, it is not a good fit.

My advice would be to begin the evaluation process with the spec. education team at your local public school as soon as possible. However, if your son was to transfer into the public school right away, before the spec. ed. evaluation process/qualification process is completed, he would be put in a regular education classroom without any supports because he has not qualified for services through the district yet. Therefore, my advice would be to get the evaluation started through the public school ASAP and do not transfer him to the public school system until the supports are in place... which sadly could be up to three + months in some districts depending on how many referrals they have ahead of your son and the available staff. Having an independent evaluation with a diagnosis may speed things along though hopefully.

The reason for advising this is because you want him to be SUCCESSFUL and supported from the first day he starts at that new school! You need to make sure that the next placement he goes to is appropriate and there are supports (behavioral, emotional and academic) in place for him on the first day of school. He is so young and I have seen kids "ruined on school" by bad first school experiences from a very young age! And you need to protect him from this. You will have the tough job of changing his attitude about school. So the next placement needs to be great.

Having said all that, when I worked at a private spec. ed. school I really felt like this was the best placement for the students I had. Have you looked into any spec. ed. private schools in your area? If there are any good ones, that would be the place I would look first. What I liked about the spec. ed. school I taught at was that the WHOLE school had the same behavior policy and plans and they were implemented for all students. I loved this school! Miracles happened there everyday. It was a very special place. Kids learned and were happy. It was great environment for the kids and teachers. And not all public schools have great spec. ed. programs so my advice is to do your homework.

Home schooling is always an option but I like the idea of letting mom be mom (the soft place to fall) and letting the teacher be the educator. Especially when there are learning issues involved. I had a few students that left public school to be home schooled and when I phoned to see how they were doing after they left, both parents talked about the terrible power struggles involved (made even more difficult by learning/emotional problems). I would rather have a parent's energies on other things and let a non-relative teacher be the academic educator. And your son is very young, so I would love for him to have some good social models (outside the family) and be in a placement where he can acquire these necessary and essential life skills.

Good luck to you and I am sorry this has been such a tough start to the school year for you and your son. Keep us posted.

Sending you an e-hug,

Alyssa

From: Vickie Boehnlein <baneline1@...>Subject: ( ) Re: Newly diagnosed 6 year old son... Date: Thursday, October 9, 2008, 7:44 PM

WARNING: Long PostLet me start off by giving a little history of my son and our process of diagnosis. My son was (I thought) a pretty normal kid. If anything we thought he was extrordinarily outgoing. We would laugh at the fact that we could walk through a grocery store and if he saw another child (complete stranger) he would yell out "do you want to come over to my house to play". He also played by himself better than any kid we knew and was very verbal. The only problem area we had was a tendancy for him to hit or hurt kids beyond the age where it is develepmentaly normal.Our problems started when he started school. We put him in 4K when he was just 4 years old. It was a large urban school and frankly a nightmare. He was in a class with 34 kids, one teacher and a 1 hour per day aid for all day 4K. From the time he started school until about December we saw our sweet,

outgoing little boy turn into an angry, stressed and miserable boy. Just before Christmas we received a call from his teacher that he had "lunged" at her with a scissors. I picked him up from school that day and never took him back to that school. We spoke to his pediatrician about what was going on and she recomended that we take him to a Phsycologist because of his change in behavior.The Phsycologist diagnosed him as ADD. He did not return to school that year but by the fall we had moved to a rural community that has a good school district. We started him in 5K and behavior problems started right away. After about a month the teacher and guidance director recommended that he be moved to 4K because he seemed a little immature and was struggling. This was not a problem for us because his birthday is the end of August and so he was one of the youngest in his class. Unfortunately the move to 4K

did not resolve any of the issue. The school then recommended testing for Early Childhood Special Ed. This was the start of our IEP process. At the time he qualified for early childhood which allowed them to work with him through out his kindergarden years. The types of things that they worked on a lot at that point was transitioning. By putting into place some picture reminders of the schedule and giving him 5, 10 minute reminder of upcoming transitions he was less stressed and therefore less likely to get agitated and therefore agressive. At this point we decided that we were not making any progress with his Psycologist and needed to get more testing done. We were referred to the local Childrens Hospital and their Child Developement Center. There we started working with a Psychiatrist that diagnosed him as ADD, Anxiety and perhaps PDD. When he got into 1st grade he was to old for

early childhood so he was retested and placed into special ed for EBD (emotional-behavior al disturbance) . The IEP didn't change much. Sometime in the beginning of the school year our Psychiatrist left the Hospital and referred us to the Psychiatry, Behavior Medicine Department and recommended NueroPsycological testing. Just after the New Years break we were given the results of that testing. He is diagnosed as High Functioning Autism (Between Aspbergers and PDD_NOS). The test results have been very helpful because they brought out some very specific deficencies that allowed us to make specific changes in his IEP. For example he has poor executive function skills (short explanation is he cant multitask) so he does very poorly with multiple step projects and does poorly on timed test. Therefore his IEP has accomidations for timed tests written in (either he is not timed or he is scored on what

he got done not how many he got done).Since the diagnosis we have had a great experience working with the school. They take great care picking the right teacher for him and working with the special ed teacher to get the best from him. They even have him in a special PE class once a week with only one other boy because PE is such a stress for him. I have really not had to fight for anything. Most of the things they do for him are their ideas. They pick up on things that he likes and use that for reward and try really hard to defuse situtations before they start. But I am also very proactive with the teachers. I meet with them before school starts each year and talk about s and how his Autism will affect him and them. I am in communication with the teacher and the Special Ed teacher all the time.s is now 10 and we are again needing a new doctor because our psychiatrist is

leaving the department. We are thinking of having him retested since it has been a few years and now that he can read there are other tests that they can do that they didn't do last time. The testing was invaluable to us because it was very specific in explaining his weeknesses. This gave us the ability to address those areas in the IEP process.Obviously in some regard the benefit of Public school with regards to special ed is that you have the protection of the law. Sometimes this can be a downside also because it can be very burocratic. What concerns me the most about your situation is the hostility that the headmaster is expressing toward "special needs". I don't know if private schools must follow the same laws regarding special ed but I would choose to be in a school that is more open to making accomodations. Since you mentioned homeschooling as an option I assume you are home during the

day. Are there any public school in the area that you could enroll your child in next year (does your state have an open enrollment program?)?Vickie - ps: you can email me directly baneline1msn (DOT) com

[Guest guest]

Hi Christi,

I hate to be a downer, but my son was kicked out of a private

preschool (they let him stay, at reduced hours, when we paid for

an aide) and two of my friends with special needs kids in private

schools also had their boys kicked out. That's the problem with

private schools, they don't HAVE to educate your kid, and it sounds

like the school your son is at not only lacks commitment to special

needs kids but specifically does not WANT them there.

If you really want him in a private school, I would consider looking

around for one with a more open minded approach - but keeping in mind

that even then, if things get rough, they might just bail on you.

This is the catch 22 that we have to deal with. :-( Private schools

are often better for children with individual needs, yet they may not

have the commitment to keeping a child with behavior problems.

Willa

[Guest guest]

From my understanding private schools do not have to follow the

law as far as educating special needs kiddos as they get no governmental funding.

Therefore, a private school may not be the best choice unless they are very

understanding as Willa says or they are specifically for kids with special

needs. My son is a senior at a private school that is designed for kids

with Aspergers, ADHD, PDD, or dyslexia or other learning disabilities.

Last year was his first year there after being in public schools for all his

life. While he still has many challenges (he struggles tremendously with

social skills) it has been a great fit for him.

From:

[mailto: ] On Behalf Of Willa Hunt

Sent: Monday, October 13, 2008 1:21 PM

Subject: Re: ( ) Newly diagnosed 6 year old son...

Hi Christi,

I hate to be a downer, but my son was kicked out of a private

preschool (they let him stay, at reduced hours, when we paid for

an aide) and two of my friends with special needs kids in private

schools also had their boys kicked out. That's the problem with

private schools, they don't HAVE to educate your kid, and it sounds

like the school your son is at not only lacks commitment to special

needs kids but specifically does not WANT them there.

If you really want him in a private school, I would consider looking

around for one with a more open minded approach - but keeping in mind

that even then, if things get rough, they might just bail on you.

This is the catch 22 that we have to deal with. :-( Private schools

are often better for children with individual needs, yet they may not

have the commitment to keeping a child with behavior problems.

Willa

[Guest guest]

I would tell the teacher everything. If he is spending his time thinking he's stupid or incompetent, having him in a small classroom or private school is not really that helpful. Once they have ruined his self esteem and love for learning, what is left? And they might not be to blame if they have no experience with special needs kids and no idea how to help him. So I would give the teacher all the information I could find. If they do not intend to include sped kids, you might start looking around for your options.

RoxannaYou're UniqueJust like everyone else...

( ) Newly diagnosed 6 year old son...

Hi everyone. I just joined this group in hopes of learning more about AS. My son was diagnosed this week w/mild AS+ADHD. He goes to a private school and his class size is only 8. Ordinarily this would be great but it's very free-form and unstructured and he is getting into trouble constantly, has been labeled by the staff and even his classmates. His confidence and self esteem is falling and the teacher is becomming really frustrated, looking to me for advice. I have not told her or the school about the diagnosis b/c I feel I'm not really equipped w/information...this is all really huge, really sudden and I'm struggling to understand it all myself. The headmaster, after being told that we were getting him tested, said they are not a "special needs school nor do they intend on becomming one." Nice huh?! So I am reluctant to tell them anything but I know that needs understanding and patience from everyone there and a diagnosis may help them w/that. Okay...sorry to ramble on. I guess my question is do any of you have any advice for things that the teacher can do in the classroom to help him? She says he's impulsive, unable to control his body (hits, picks on other kids, etc...), lacks focus during times of classroom work, won't participate in group activities (like music, dance, PE) and makes comments, jokes or sounds at inappropriate times. Also, if any of you have any tips on things I can read/listen to/watch to get me up to speed quickly on AS/ADHD I would be so appreciative! He's such a sweet, loving, smart boy and to see him feeling like (and saying) that he's a loser or a bad kid breaks my heart!! Any help you could lend would be great....thanks in advance. I hope I posted this properly...I'm a neubie! ) ~Christi

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