Here's a good one

[Guest guest]

I was put into the most interesting situation the other day. For

those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has mild Aspergers. A boy

at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day for

about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with

him and the kid was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-90s

in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about

letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his

parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said " yes " . My first

thought was " NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO! " But Dylan didn't look

very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is

around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this

boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike

my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.

This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't believe

his parents actually made him walk home from school! It was at least

a 10 minute walk and given his personality/maturity, he's just a

major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...

He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him

home. I couldn't do it that day, but I said " maybe tomorrow. " Well,

the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said " I'm not

sure " and he said " well yesterday you said I could after school. " I

kind of felt stuck so I said " I can't just drive you to my house I

have to talk to your parents or something. " He has younger brothers

at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so

he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we were

sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like

someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you, we're

talking about 6th grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought

Dylan was making the sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked at

him and said " Dylan! Stop it! " and he whispered " It's not me, Mom,

it's him. "

We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that

sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with his

mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying to

be rude. I had no idea what to do.

We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing it

like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row. It's

so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying " Dude, stop doing

that. " and the boy would say " okay " and then do it again 10 seconds

later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept saying " okay! "

but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan said " Dude,

I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have Aspergers.

Please stop. " That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy

though, even when he was really getting on his nerves. He even kept

using " please " when he was asking him to stop.

I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I really

don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were

playing video games in the family room and my office is in the front

of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally

put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but

at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.

I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of

Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of

this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of us,

really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the

kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated that he kept

asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen or

stop. I don't know how much they have in common and I think if I let

Dylan invite someone over to the house, there are about 5 other boys

he'd ask first.

I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just

don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas constantly, is

that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them

about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan is

very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at a

2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his

age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They

just don't " fit " very well.

Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think?

School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree

but we gave him our phone # on the first day so I suspect we'll be

getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him come

over? If Dylan has no interest in having him over here, should I

make him to be nice to the kid?

I would love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory

of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not

reciprocated.

[Guest guest]

, If Dylan isn't interested in the other boy. Why would you still want to invite him over? With our school, during 1st, & 2nd, grades - if a child has a birthday party, they invite the whole class. by the time they reach 3rd grade and up. they will tell us they don't like ' a, b , or c children and the reason why. not to invite them to their party. So why make the child feel uncomfortable by inviting that child... I know your not talking about a B.P. but your son still has feelings and if he doesn't want to play with that child, he shouldn't have too. JMO....And these kids are in 6th grade, they should know who they don't want to play with.. now my son still needs some help with social skills. If someone is nice to him, but steals something from him. my son will still be nice to that person. I will step in and explain to my son that - that

person isn't a good friend if he has to steal your money. Also, my son can tell me a few kids that he doesn't like and doesn't want to play with. I feel, he doesn't have to... I would first find out if Dylan wants him as a friend. by the body language in the car told it all. follow your instincts, they are always right .... *smile* Rose <smacalli@...> wrote: I was put into the most interesting situation the other day. For those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has

mild Aspergers. A boy at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day for about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with him and the kid was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-90s in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said "yes". My first thought was "NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO!" But Dylan didn't look very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't believe his parents actually made him walk home from school! It was at least a 10 minute walk and given his personality/maturity,

he's just a major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him home. I couldn't do it that day, but I said "maybe tomorrow." Well, the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said "I'm not sure" and he said "well yesterday you said I could after school." I kind of felt stuck so I said "I can't just drive you to my house I have to talk to your parents or something." He has younger brothers at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we were sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you, we're talking about 6th grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought Dylan was making the sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked at him and said "Dylan! Stop it!" and

he whispered "It's not me, Mom, it's him." We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with his mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying to be rude. I had no idea what to do.We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing it like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row. It's so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying "Dude, stop doing that." and the boy would say "okay" and then do it again 10 seconds later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept saying "okay!" but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan said "Dude, I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have Aspergers. Please stop." That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy though, even when he was really getting on his nerves. He even kept using "please" when he was

asking him to stop.I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I really don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were playing video games in the family room and my office is in the front of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of us, really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated that he kept asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen or stop. I don't know how much they have in common and I think if I let Dylan invite someone over to the house,

there are about 5 other boys he'd ask first.I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas constantly, is that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan is very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at a 2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They just don't "fit" very well.Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think? School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree but we gave him our phone # on the first day so I suspect we'll be getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him come over? If Dylan has no interest in having him over here, should I make him to be nice to the kid?I would

love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not reciprocated.

[Guest guest]

Hi. If your son doesn't want to hang with him, then don't have him come over. Of course, you want him to be nice to him when you are near/with him. But,,,,,,,if they don't "jive",,,,,,I wouldn't let him come over just cause he wants to. There's a boy like that here....and I find myself telling him that Ian is sick, at a friends house, gone with his gramma, doing chores, on his way out with us to go somewhere,,,,, whatever. I feel bad,,,,but yet, you don't just say, "hey,,,,he doesn't want to hang with you". I'm torn, too,,,,but,,,,,,,,,in a way, it makes me happy that he won't just "accept" anyone. I hope that came out right? I used to see him as a boy who would follow anyone if they paid him any interest. Now,,,,,,he is showing that he has preferences.....and that's good. I know we should just tell him that .......well,.....I don't know what we'd tell

him............any ideas, anyone? Hee hee. But,,,,,,,,,,,,I sure wouldn't let him come over if Dylan doesn't want to play with him. As far as the noises. You said that he has problems..........you mean like Tourettes? Are the noises tics? Or is he just not "getting" that he's annoying? Not that that matters, really, if the 2 boys didn't jive anyway. Robin <smacalli@...> wrote: I was put into the most interesting

situation the other day. For those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has mild Aspergers. A boy at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day for about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with him and the kid was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-90s in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said "yes". My first thought was "NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO!" But Dylan didn't look very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't believe his parents actually made him walk home from

school! It was at least a 10 minute walk and given his personality/maturity, he's just a major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him home. I couldn't do it that day, but I said "maybe tomorrow." Well, the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said "I'm not sure" and he said "well yesterday you said I could after school." I kind of felt stuck so I said "I can't just drive you to my house I have to talk to your parents or something." He has younger brothers at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we were sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you, we're talking about 6th grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought Dylan was making the

sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked at him and said "Dylan! Stop it!" and he whispered "It's not me, Mom, it's him." We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with his mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying to be rude. I had no idea what to do.We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing it like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row. It's so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying "Dude, stop doing that." and the boy would say "okay" and then do it again 10 seconds later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept saying "okay!" but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan said "Dude, I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have Aspergers. Please stop." That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy though, even

when he was really getting on his nerves. He even kept using "please" when he was asking him to stop.I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I really don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were playing video games in the family room and my office is in the front of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of us, really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated that he kept asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen or stop. I don't know how much

they have in common and I think if I let Dylan invite someone over to the house, there are about 5 other boys he'd ask first.I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas constantly, is that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan is very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at a 2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They just don't "fit" very well.Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think? School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree but we gave him our phone # on the first day so I suspect we'll be getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him come over? If Dylan has no interest

in having him over here, should I make him to be nice to the kid?I would love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not reciprocated.

[Guest guest]

I'm really not sure if it's a tic-disorder or something else. I don't have enough experience w/ Tourette's to know. I also felt like you described below...Dylan was being "selective" and not just being excited over any attention he gets. I also realized he maybe DOES have choices when it comes to friends. I don't know if this makes sense, but it's the best way I know to describe it. But Dylan has always had a pretty strong moral core/code. I sure hope he keeps it up. I do like that he showed compassion and kindness to this boy, even if he didn't like him all that much. Especially after what he's had to endure over the years.

Looking at my "little boy" who's now in the 7th grade and wearing a men's size NINE shoe, I realize he's maturing and making progress in his social development. It's really great to see as his Mama.

Re: ( ) Here's a good one

Hi.

If your son doesn't want to hang with him, then don't have him come over. Of course, you want him to be nice to him when you are near/with him.

But,,,,,,,if they don't "jive",,,,,, I wouldn't let him come over just cause he wants to.

There's a boy like that here....and I find myself telling him that Ian is sick, at a friends house, gone with his gramma, doing chores, on his way out with us to go somewhere,,, ,,

whatever. I feel bad,,,,but yet, you don't just say, "hey,,,,he doesn't want to hang with you".

I'm torn, too,,,,but,, ,,,,,,,in a way, it makes me happy that he won't just "accept" anyone. I hope that came out right?

I used to see him as a boy who would follow anyone if they paid him any interest.

Now,,,,,,he is showing that he has preferences. ....and that's good.

I know we should just tell him that .......well, .....I don't know what we'd tell him......... ...any ideas, anyone?

Hee hee.

But,,,,,,,,, ,,,I sure wouldn't let him come over if Dylan doesn't want to play with him.

As far as the noises. You said that he has problems.... ......you mean like Tourettes?

Are the noises tics?

Or is he just not "getting" that he's annoying?

Not that that matters, really, if the 2 boys didn't jive anyway.

Robin

<smacalli (DOT) com> wrote:

I was put into the most interesting situation the other day. For those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has mild Aspergers. A boy at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day for about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with him and the kid was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-90s in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said "yes". My first thought was "NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO!" But Dylan didn't look very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't

believe his parents actually made him walk home from school! It was at least a 10 minute walk and given his personality/ maturity, he's just a major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him home. I couldn't do it that day, but I said "maybe tomorrow." Well, the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said "I'm not sure" and he said "well yesterday you said I could after school." I kind of felt stuck so I said "I can't just drive you to my house I have to talk to your parents or something." He has younger brothers at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we were sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you, we're talking about 6th

grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought Dylan was making the sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked at him and said "Dylan! Stop it!" and he whispered "It's not me, Mom, it's him." We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with his mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying to be rude. I had no idea what to do.We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing it like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row. It's so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying "Dude, stop doing that." and the boy would say "okay" and then do it again 10 seconds later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept saying "okay!" but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan said "Dude, I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have

Aspergers. Please stop." That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy though, even when he was really getting on his nerves. He even kept using "please" when he was asking him to stop.I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I really don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were playing video games in the family room and my office is in the front of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of us, really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated

that he kept asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen or stop. I don't know how much they have in common and I think if I let Dylan invite someone over to the house, there are about 5 other boys he'd ask first.I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas constantly, is that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan is very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at a 2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They just don't "fit" very well.Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think? School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree but we gave him our phone # on the

first day so I suspect we'll be getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him come over? If Dylan has no interest in having him over here, should I make him to be nice to the kid?I would love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not reciprocated.

[Guest guest]

Hi , sounds like this is a lonely kid with a vocal tic. Ask your son if he does this in school. Also I would not have him over to much if your son is not interested in him but when he did come at least your son is nice to him. That's what we all want is for our kids to have empathy & to let them know that all kids are different. I wouldn't be riding this kid or letting him stay at your house tell him you are going to be busy all week. Maybe he can come for 1 hour a week or whatever you feel comfortable with. Always make sure you have him check with his parents even if you have to call them & talk to one of them. I wouldn't let my kid over at his house though. We had the same thing happen to us a few yrs ago with a kid that came over & he was at our door every day. He was stealing from then the kid beat him up & I freaked

completely out on him & his mother. ended up in a Psych Hospital from the trauma. Take care & good luck, Betty <smacalli@...> wrote: I was put into the most interesting situation the other day. For those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has mild Aspergers. A boy at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day for about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with him and the kid

was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-90s in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said "yes". My first thought was "NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO!" But Dylan didn't look very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't believe his parents actually made him walk home from school! It was at least a 10 minute walk and given his personality/maturity, he's just a major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him home. I couldn't do it

that day, but I said "maybe tomorrow." Well, the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said "I'm not sure" and he said "well yesterday you said I could after school." I kind of felt stuck so I said "I can't just drive you to my house I have to talk to your parents or something." He has younger brothers at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we were sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you, we're talking about 6th grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought Dylan was making the sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked at him and said "Dylan! Stop it!" and he whispered "It's not me, Mom, it's him." We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with

his mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying to be rude. I had no idea what to do.We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing it like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row. It's so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying "Dude, stop doing that." and the boy would say "okay" and then do it again 10 seconds later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept saying "okay!" but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan said "Dude, I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have Aspergers. Please stop." That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy though, even when he was really getting on his nerves. He even kept using "please" when he was asking him to stop.I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I really don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were playing video games

in the family room and my office is in the front of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of us, really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated that he kept asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen or stop. I don't know how much they have in common and I think if I let Dylan invite someone over to the house, there are about 5 other boys he'd ask first.I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas

constantly, is that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan is very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at a 2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They just don't "fit" very well.Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think? School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree but we gave him our phone # on the first day so I suspect we'll be getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him come over? If Dylan has no interest in having him over here, should I make him to be nice to the kid?I would love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not reciprocated.

Take care, Betty

[Guest guest]

I am not laughing at the situation, but along with it... My son, too,

has come up with some 'interesting' friends! I am pretty certain that

a couple of them must either have AS or something else close on the

spectrum. At first, I was really taken aback by one fellow thinking

that he was purposely being rude, but then I clued in that HE was

clueless about his behavior! The only difference in our situation is

that most times, the boys do get on well together, but I have seen

some of the behaviours getting to my son (perhaps my son gets to him

too at other times?) I would say, give it another chance to see if

the boys 'click' and if they do, encourage their commradeship. You

may have to take the boy aside and be firm that there are certain

noises that cannot be tolerated - with explanation - and see whether

it makes an impact... if not, you might not be able to tolerate the

situation. Hopefully, your son has found a new friend who may just

have a little bit of difficulty with social skills and the 2 of them

can help build on these together.

Good-luck!

Velvet

>

> I was put into the most interesting situation the other day. For

> those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has mild Aspergers. A

boy

> at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day

for

> about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with

> him and the kid was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-

90s

> in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about

> letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his

> parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said " yes " . My first

> thought was " NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO! " But Dylan didn't

look

> very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is

> around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this

> boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike

> my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.

>

> This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't believe

> his parents actually made him walk home from school! It was at

least

> a 10 minute walk and given his personality/maturity, he's just a

> major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...

>

> He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him

> home. I couldn't do it that day, but I said " maybe tomorrow. "

Well,

> the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said " I'm not

> sure " and he said " well yesterday you said I could after school. "

I

> kind of felt stuck so I said " I can't just drive you to my house I

> have to talk to your parents or something. " He has younger

brothers

> at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so

> he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we

were

> sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like

> someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you,

we're

> talking about 6th grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought

> Dylan was making the sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked

at

> him and said " Dylan! Stop it! " and he whispered " It's not me, Mom,

> it's him. "

>

> We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that

> sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with his

> mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying

to

> be rude. I had no idea what to do.

>

> We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing

it

> like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row.

It's

> so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying " Dude, stop

doing

> that. " and the boy would say " okay " and then do it again 10

seconds

> later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept

saying " okay! "

> but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan

said " Dude,

> I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have

Aspergers.

> Please stop. " That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy

> though, even when he was really getting on his nerves. He even

kept

> using " please " when he was asking him to stop.

>

> I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I

really

> don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were

> playing video games in the family room and my office is in the

front

> of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally

> put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but

> at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.

>

> I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of

> Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of

> this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of

us,

> really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the

> kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated that he kept

> asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen

or

> stop. I don't know how much they have in common and I think if I

let

> Dylan invite someone over to the house, there are about 5 other

boys

> he'd ask first.

>

> I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just

> don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas constantly,

is

> that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them

> about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan

is

> very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at

a

> 2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his

> age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They

> just don't " fit " very well.

>

> Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think?

> School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree

> but we gave him our phone # on the first day so I suspect we'll be

> getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him

come

> over? If Dylan has no interest in having him over here, should I

> make him to be nice to the kid?

>

> I would love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory

> of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not

> reciprocated.

>

[Guest guest]

Sounds like anxiety and / or tourettes to me! I am not a professional YET but an overexperienced parent, childcare provider, with 180 hours plus college credits and a degree! So, that would be my thought.

As for the kiddo, I would NOT have him over; does not matter disability or not, he is going to stress your son out; is not someone it sounds like your son is willing to make consessions for, so not a match. My 7 year old is 7 with AS but still 7; every kid in the neighborhood ends up at our house basically; so, my 7 year old AS has three-five neighbor kids he does not like, so he, without us telling them, tells them he cannot play right now (usually blames us, his parents---which is what we have taught our children as no one can argue with THAT---safe and good 'white lie.')----------he is very nice but he'll quit playing in the front yard or whatever just as long as he does not have to be with these children. NO means NO at our house; we have a few kids that will attempt to ruin family meals, b-day parties, etc.; I get 'a little more stern and 'mean'' but enough is enough; we have a right to freedom in our own home.

At this point, fact kiddo is coming over without parents caring, having ever met you, etc., I would be more than raising a RED flag..............all a little odd to me, and I would just not feel safe about it, especially not with all the abuse, etc. out there. No way would my 6th grader go to a complete strangers riding home with them without me ever meeting them first, and I would not want to be responsible for the transport prior to permission, either; sue happy world, so just something to ponder.

Ruthie

From: jrisjs@...Date: Thu, 5 Jun 2008 14:03:52 -0700Subject: Re: ( ) Here's a good one

Hi.

If your son doesn't want to hang with him, then don't have him come over. Of course, you want him to be nice to him when you are near/with him.

But,,,,,,,if they don't "jive",,,,,,I wouldn't let him come over just cause he wants to.

There's a boy like that here....and I find myself telling him that Ian is sick, at a friends house, gone with his gramma, doing chores, on his way out with us to go somewhere,,,,,

whatever. I feel bad,,,,but yet, you don't just say, "hey,,,,he doesn't want to hang with you".

I'm torn, too,,,,but,,,,,,,,,in a way, it makes me happy that he won't just "accept" anyone. I hope that came out right?

I used to see him as a boy who would follow anyone if they paid him any interest.

Now,,,,,,he is showing that he has preferences.....and that's good.

I know we should just tell him that .......well,.....I don't know what we'd tell him............any ideas, anyone?

Hee hee.

But,,,,,,,,,,,,I sure wouldn't let him come over if Dylan doesn't want to play with him.

As far as the noises. You said that he has problems..........you mean like Tourettes?

Are the noises tics?

Or is he just not "getting" that he's annoying?

Not that that matters, really, if the 2 boys didn't jive anyway.

Robin

<smacalli > wrote:

I was put into the most interesting situation the other day. For those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has mild Aspergers. A boy at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day for about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with him and the kid was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-90s in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said "yes". My first thought was "NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO!" But Dylan didn't look very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't believe his parents actually made him walk home from school! It was at least a 10 minute walk and given his personality/maturity, he's just a major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him home. I couldn't do it that day, but I said "maybe tomorrow." Well, the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said "I'm not sure" and he said "well yesterday you said I could after school." I kind of felt stuck so I said "I can't just drive you to my house I have to talk to your parents or something." He has younger brothers at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we were sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you, we're talking about 6th grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought Dylan was making the sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked at him and said "Dylan! Stop it!" and he whispered "It's not me, Mom, it's him." We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with his mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying to be rude. I had no idea what to do.We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing it like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row. It's so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying "Dude, stop doing that." and the boy would say "okay" and then do it again 10 seconds later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept saying "okay!" but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan said "Dude, I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have Aspergers. Please stop." That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy though, even when he was really getting on his nerves. He even kept using "please" when he was asking him to stop.I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I really don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were playing video games in the family room and my office is in the front of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of us, really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated that he kept asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen or stop. I don't know how much they have in common and I think if I let Dylan invite someone over to the house, there are about 5 other boys he'd ask first.I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas constantly, is that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan is very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at a 2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They just don't "fit" very well.Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think? School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree but we gave him our phone # on the first day so I suspect we'll be getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him come over? If Dylan has no interest in having him over here, should I make him to be nice to the kid?I would love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not reciprocated.

[Guest guest]

I definitely agree. If your ds is not interested in being friends, then don't do it. It is only going to cause more problems. And really, while I sympathize with other people's problems, I would not pick a child with problems already to be a friend, if at all possible. Everyone may feel differently about this but for me, my kids have enought to deal with already without adding more problems to the mix. Sometimes they do find a friend who has obvious problems on their own - and that's fine. But if he is not interested in being friends, then why?

RoxannaAutism Happens

Re: ( ) Here's a good one

,

If Dylan isn't interested in the other boy. Why would you still want to invite him over? With our school, during 1st, & 2nd, grades - if a child has a birthday party, they invite the whole class. by the time they reach 3rd grade and up. they will tell us they don't like ' a, b , or c children and the reason why. not to invite them to their party. So why make the child feel uncomfortable by inviting that child... I know your not talking about a B.P. but your son still has feelings and if he doesn't want to play with that child, he shouldn't have too. JMO....And these kids are in 6th grade, they should know who they don't want to play with..

now my son still needs some help with social skills. If someone is nice to him, but steals something from him. my son will still be nice to that person. I will step in and explain to my son that - that person isn't a good friend if he has to steal your money. Also, my son can tell me a few kids that he doesn't like and doesn't want to play with. I feel, he doesn't have to... I would first find out if Dylan wants him as a friend. by the body language in the car told it all. follow your instincts, they are always right ....

*smile*

Rose <smacalli > wrote:

I was put into the most interesting situation the other day. For those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has mild Aspergers. A boy at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day for about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with him and the kid was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-90s in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said "yes". My first thought was "NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO!" But Dylan didn't look very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't believe his parents actually made him walk home from school! It was at least a 10 minute walk and given his personality/maturity, he's just a major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him home. I couldn't do it that day, but I said "maybe tomorrow." Well, the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said "I'm not sure" and he said "well yesterday you said I could after school." I kind of felt stuck so I said "I can't just drive you to my house I have to talk to your parents or something." He has younger brothers at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we were sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you, we're talking about 6th grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought Dylan was making the sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked at him and said "Dylan! Stop it!" and he whispered "It's not me, Mom, it's him." We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with his mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying to be rude. I had no idea what to do.We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing it like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row. It's so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying "Dude, stop doing that." and the boy would say "okay" and then do it again 10 seconds later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept saying "okay!" but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan said "Dude, I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have Aspergers. Please stop." That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy though, even when he was really getting on his nerves. He even kept using "please" when he was asking him to stop.I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I really don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were playing video games in the family room and my office is in the front of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of us, really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated that he kept asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen or stop. I don't know how much they have in common and I think if I let Dylan invite someone over to the house, there are about 5 other boys he'd ask first.I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas constantly, is that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan is very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at a 2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They just don't "fit" very well.Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think? School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree but we gave him our phone # on the first day so I suspect we'll be getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him come over? If Dylan has no interest in having him over here, should I make him to be nice to the kid?I would love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not reciprocated.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 270.0.0/1485 - Release Date: 6/5/2008 10:07 AM

[Guest guest]

I felt at obligation in some regards to try to overlook the sound and encourage my son to be friends with him b/c it seemed to be like the right thing to do. But it feels awkward and would seem to take more energy than it's worth, if my son has no desire to be his friend. I'm glad most of you have said not to push the friendship. Helps my mama guilt! Not guilt towards my child, but towards this boy I barely know.

Re: ( ) Here's a good one

,

If Dylan isn't interested in the other boy. Why would you still want to invite him over? With our school, during 1st, & 2nd, grades - if a child has a birthday party, they invite the whole class. by the time they reach 3rd grade and up. they will tell us they don't like ' a, b , or c children and the reason why. not to invite them to their party. So why make the child feel uncomfortable by inviting that child... I know your not talking about a B.P. but your son still has feelings and if he doesn't want to play with that child, he shouldn't have too. JMO....And these kids are in 6th grade, they should know who they don't want to play with..

now my son still needs some help with social skills. If someone is nice to him, but steals something from him. my son will still be nice to that person. I will step in and explain to my son that - that person isn't a good friend if he has to steal your money. Also, my son can tell me a few kids that he doesn't like and doesn't want to play with. I feel, he doesn't have to... I would first find out if Dylan wants him as a friend. by the body language in the car told it all. follow your instincts, they are always right ....

*smile*

Rose <smacalli (DOT) com> wrote:

I was put into the most interesting situation the other day. For those who don't know me, my son is 11 and has mild Aspergers. A boy at his middle school had been asking us for a ride home every day for about a week. I don't know the kid but Dylan said he had band with him and the kid was in 6th grade like D so I said okay. It's mid-90s in the afternoons, super hot. I felt a bit apprehensive about letting him ride in my Pilot w/out getting clearance from his parents, but I didn't know what to do so I said "yes". My first thought was "NEW FRIEND FOR DYLAN! WOO-HOO!" But Dylan didn't look very enthused about him riding with us. I've seen the way he is around his friends and he was very subdued and quiet around this boy. Didn't talk much or have anything to say really - very unlike my son. That put up a red flag for me as we pulled away.This boy is very nice but very immature/naive. I couldn't

believe his parents actually made him walk home from school! It was at least a 10 minute walk and given his personality/ maturity, he's just a major target for bullies or even screwed up adults, but I digress...He invited himself over to our house one day on the way to take him home. I couldn't do it that day, but I said "maybe tomorrow." Well, the next day, he asked if he could come over and I said "I'm not sure" and he said "well yesterday you said I could after school." I kind of felt stuck so I said "I can't just drive you to my house I have to talk to your parents or something." He has younger brothers at home after school (9 and 10 yr olds) and his mom wasn't there so he called his dad's cell phone and his dad said okay. While we were sitting outside of his house arranging this, I heard a sound like someone passed gas...loudly. Then I heard it again. Mind you, we're talking about 6th

grade boys here so I wasn't shocked but I thought Dylan was making the sound with his mouth on purpose and I looked at him and said "Dylan! Stop it!" and he whispered "It's not me, Mom, it's him." We started driving to our house and this boy proceeded to make that sound like 10 additional times. He was totally doing it with his mouth. It was very rude-sounding, but I don't think he was trying to be rude. I had no idea what to do.We get inside and the boy keeps this up, although now, he's doing it like several times a minute. Sometimes like 5 times in a row. It's so loud, gross, etc... and Dylan is in there saying "Dude, stop doing that." and the boy would say "okay" and then do it again 10 seconds later. Dylan kept asking him to stop and the boy kept saying "okay!" but then he'd start doing it again. At one point, Dylan said "Dude, I can stop doing stuff when my mom asks me to and I have

Aspergers. Please stop." That made me laugh. Dylan was never mean to the boy though, even when he was really getting on his nerves. He even kept using "please" when he was asking him to stop.I'm posting this b/c obviously, this boy has a problem. But I really don't know if I could have him over at my house again. They were playing video games in the family room and my office is in the front of the house and the sound-making was very distracting. I finally put my iPod on and blasted the music which made it hard to work but at least I didn't have to hear that gross sound anymore.I'm so conflicted with this one. I want others to be tolerant of Dylan when he has problems, so I feel like I should be tolerant of this boy. I think this is a good learning experience for both of us, really. Dylan and I talked afterwards about it and he thought the kid did it when he was anxious. Dylan was frustrated

that he kept asking him nicely to stop but the boy wouldn't (couldn't?) listen or stop. I don't know how much they have in common and I think if I let Dylan invite someone over to the house, there are about 5 other boys he'd ask first.I feel like an ass in some regards but if I have to work or just don't want to hear a sound like someone's passing gas constantly, is that bad? I don't know his parents so I can't really talk to them about this so I can understand more. I really don't know if Dylan is very interested in this boy in the first place. He seemed about at a 2nd or 3rd grade level socially. Dylan's a little immature for his age in some respects, but in others, he's like a little man. They just don't "fit" very well.Alright ladies...and the few gents on here...what do you think? School is out now so I don't have to worry about it to some degree but we gave him our phone # on the

first day so I suspect we'll be getting a phone call pretty soon. If he does, should I let him come over? If Dylan has no interest in having him over here, should I make him to be nice to the kid?I would love to get your input on this one... Unchartered territory of having someone interested in being D's friend but it's not reciprocated.

No virus found in this incoming message.Checked by AVG. Version: 8.0.100 / Virus Database: 270.0.0/1485 - Release Date: 6/5/2008 10:07 AM