OT: Soccer and social woes (thank you for the swimming lesson post)

[Guest guest]

I came to this support group for support and thankfully saw

the " swimming lessons " messages. It was perfect timing for me.

Thank you for all of the postings.

I just got back from a soccer practice this evening (our 5th for the

season) with my 8 yr old dd (on the spectrum/high functioning).

Part of me looks forward to seeing how well she plays yet part of me

dreads going, knowing that she is going to " act up " behaviorally

along with people wondering why she's walking on her toes at times

(used to be all the time, so thankfully, that's better)and why she

expresses so-oo-o much excitement (jumping up and down encouraging

kids saying, " Go, go, go " )when the other kids just stand there. Our

dd seems to find joy in almost ALL things and expresses it to the

upmost. Unfortunately, even upon numerous times of telling her not

to, she continues to cut in front of one or two kids during the

relays (jumping up and down with excitement stimming touching her

face quite a bit), pushing someones back (seemingly out of

excitement), pulling on a boys jersey while he's getting ready to

kick a goal, and tonight even spit at somebody who spit at her

first. It seems to me that whatever the emotion is at THAT moment,

she expresses it.

Anybody else experiencing a child like this, and, if so, what do you

do? My dh feels that we should probably just pull her off the team

if she cannot compose herself. The sad thing is that she REALLY

enjoys being around the other kids, enjoys playing soccer, and says

she doesn't know " why " she continues to make poor choices with her

behavior. Even if somebody says something mean to her, she just

shrugs it off her shoulders quickly and moves on her " happy " way

with a positive outlook on seemingly everything... Sigh...I'm

exhausted and she's now asleep (early for her).

I do love her exciting energy but the behavior....yikes!

I wonder if this is going to be a lifelong thing, or if she'll grow

out of it, or at least get to the point where she'll be able to

control her behavior to be appropriate in public.

Thanks for any responses,

Gretchen

[Guest guest]

What I think is really important is understanding on many levels. Typical

children need to know how to deal with people who aren't just like them. It is

important to their development in my opinion. There are disabilities and

conditions of all sorts and kids need to know how to deal with these. They need

to know that when someone has a disability or condition that there are certain

concessions that need to be made. It is just like teaching a young boy to hold

the door for someone or for him to let a pregnant woman sit down even if that

means they stand or to simply hand an item to someone in a wheelchair at the

grocery store. Children need to understand that other children with

disabilities are still regular children with circumstances that require a little

understanding.

Teaching the children about autism and letting them know why your daughter

does the things she does may really help them understand. Give them coping

skills so that when she does behavior A...handle it like this...because she

isn't misbehaving in her heart she is just so happy to be able to play soccer

that she gets a little over excited. Teach them to cherish the good things and

that she is so willing to cheer them on and maybe they will catch on to her

enthusiasm. Life isn't always the way it " should " be and it won't hurt kids to

get a lesson in that. Maybe they can arrange for her to play during certain

times and the be the official cheer leader with pom poms and all. Since she is

so happy I would also be the last to say to pull her out.

I love to hear she is so happy being around other kids. Mine is very

painfully shy. You get a camera out and he all but blushes. Praise he loves

but it embarasses him to no end. He would freak if I put him on a sports team.

It is hard to be the one with the child that is different though, that I totally

understand. We all do.

Wishing you well!

Gretchen <k12userfor2@...> wrote:

I came to this support group for support and thankfully saw

the " swimming lessons " messages. It was perfect timing for me.

Thank you for all of the postings.

I just got back from a soccer practice this evening (our 5th for the

season) with my 8 yr old dd (on the spectrum/high functioning).

Part of me looks forward to seeing how well she plays yet part of me

dreads going, knowing that she is going to " act up " behaviorally

along with people wondering why she's walking on her toes at times

(used to be all the time, so thankfully, that's better)and why she

expresses so-oo-o much excitement (jumping up and down encouraging

kids saying, " Go, go, go " )when the other kids just stand there. Our

dd seems to find joy in almost ALL things and expresses it to the

upmost. Unfortunately, even upon numerous times of telling her not

to, she continues to cut in front of one or two kids during the

relays (jumping up and down with excitement stimming touching her

face quite a bit), pushing someones back (seemingly out of

excitement), pulling on a boys jersey while he's getting ready to

kick a goal, and tonight even spit at somebody who spit at her

first. It seems to me that whatever the emotion is at THAT moment,

she expresses it.

Anybody else experiencing a child like this, and, if so, what do you

do? My dh feels that we should probably just pull her off the team

if she cannot compose herself. The sad thing is that she REALLY

enjoys being around the other kids, enjoys playing soccer, and says

she doesn't know " why " she continues to make poor choices with her

behavior. Even if somebody says something mean to her, she just

shrugs it off her shoulders quickly and moves on her " happy " way

with a positive outlook on seemingly everything... Sigh...I'm

exhausted and she's now asleep (early for her).

I do love her exciting energy but the behavior....yikes!

I wonder if this is going to be a lifelong thing, or if she'll grow

out of it, or at least get to the point where she'll be able to

control her behavior to be appropriate in public.

Thanks for any responses,

Gretchen

[Guest guest]

You know what, joy isn't bad. Some people would probably be happier if she was

sitting

there crying all the time. They are the ones who are mixed up. [Yes, you

probably need to

tell her not to spit back...I've got some ideas about that I'm about to try with

Ben along the

lines of two red lights don't make a green light, at present he tends to

retaliate

sometimes]...but bouncing around enthusiastically? I guess whoever feels

critical about

that doesn't know much about pro soccer games in some countries! They would

think it is

the rest of the team that has a problem!

People are different. Some of the excellent seminars I've been attending on

inclusive

education try to teach all the students that fair doesn't mean everybody gets

the same

thing. If it did, when you choked in the cafeteria everybody would have to line

up for a

Heimlich manuever in alphabetical order...FAIR means everybody gets what they

need,

when they need it.

I'm so glad your daughter has something she is good at that makes her happy.

Benny is

exactly the same way with his Sponge Bob Obstacle Odyssey Game. Today he reached

the

Bikini Bottom Complete level...a few weeks ago it was Jellyfish Fields

complete...when he

finished bouncing today he took his father's hand and said, " Some day, we will

do Blue

Abyss... " and it's a SOCIAL thing for him. If there's a game level he can't

get, he shares it

with dad (not me, I am hopeless at the game). And for your daughter, and her

team, that

is wonderful that she is happy for everybody.

Besides that, the game has taught him something he didn't know a few months ago,

that if

you keep on trying and keep on practicing, you can become proficient at

something that

was impossible for you before. Last summer when something was hard he said, " My

hands

are broken, " and gave up. He knows better now. I'm sure the soccer is helping

your

daughter in the same way.

Peace,

Kathy E.

PS. I'm retired, but I put on my suit and clergy collar today and paid a (just

possibly

slightly intimidating) visit to the Y's executive director. We are going to try

having him

finish his lessons in a class with some bigger, older boys more his size who are

still

beginners at swimming. If that doesn't work I will find him a way to get

private lessons.

knowing that she is going to " act up " behaviorally

> along with people wondering why she's walking on her toes at times

> (used to be all the time, so thankfully, that's better)and why she

> expresses so-oo-o much excitement (jumping up and down encouraging

> kids saying, " Go, go, go " )when the other kids just stand there. Our

> dd seems to find joy in almost ALL things and expresses it to the

> upmost.

[Guest guest]

Have you thought of giving her alternatives, practice high five's maybe, and

stand on the sidelines close to where they are so she can take out her energy on

you. As long as she's not hurting anyone, or herself, I would just encourage

her. ph started Karate, didn't go well, he was a quick study and mastered

all the moves " really fast " according to the instructor, but ph doesn't like

all the contact. Sometimes you've got to just admit that it's not going to work

out, and sometimes you've got to roll with it. ph has never met a stranger,

greets all kids, most adults, and has only recently felt the sting of rejection

that comes with being a kid. Yet, his outgoing personality persists, and I'm

grateful. I am not outgoing, my husband is, I'm not. But, I've been forced by my

child to unleash my goofy, side, and greet all the kids he greets, and show

those kids if they're going to roll their eyes or ignore him, they're going to

have to roll their eyes at and ignore me too.

OT: Soccer and social woes (thank you for the swimming

lesson post)

I came to this support group for support and thankfully saw

the " swimming lessons " messages. It was perfect timing for me.

Thank you for all of the postings.

I just got back from a soccer practice this evening (our 5th for the

season) with my 8 yr old dd (on the spectrum/high functioning).

Part of me looks forward to seeing how well she plays yet part of me

dreads going, knowing that she is going to " act up " behaviorally

along with people wondering why she's walking on her toes at times

(used to be all the time, so thankfully, that's better)and why she

expresses so-oo-o much excitement (jumping up and down encouraging

kids saying, " Go, go, go " )when the other kids just stand there. Our

dd seems to find joy in almost ALL things and expresses it to the

upmost. Unfortunately, even upon numerous times of telling her not

to, she continues to cut in front of one or two kids during the

relays (jumping up and down with excitement stimming touching her

face quite a bit), pushing someones back (seemingly out of

excitement), pulling on a boys jersey while he's getting ready to

kick a goal, and tonight even spit at somebody who spit at her

first. It seems to me that whatever the emotion is at THAT moment,

she expresses it.

Anybody else experiencing a child like this, and, if so, what do you

do? My dh feels that we should probably just pull her off the team

if she cannot compose herself. The sad thing is that she REALLY

enjoys being around the other kids, enjoys playing soccer, and says

she doesn't know " why " she continues to make poor choices with her

behavior. Even if somebody says something mean to her, she just

shrugs it off her shoulders quickly and moves on her " happy " way

with a positive outlook on seemingly everything... Sigh...I'm

exhausted and she's now asleep (early for her).

I do love her exciting energy but the behavior....yikes!

I wonder if this is going to be a lifelong thing, or if she'll grow

out of it, or at least get to the point where she'll be able to

control her behavior to be appropriate in public.

Thanks for any responses,

Gretchen

[Guest guest]

Kathleen,

We did go the route of private swimming lessons, but it was not successful

due to the fact that she just wasn't ready. I don't think the private

lessons are too expensive, btw, at the Y, at least at ours.

Unless, I felt he was totally disrupting the class, in which case I don't

feel it is fair to the other kids (judgement call, I know), I would keep him

with the group.

When she was really little, just 3.0, she attended a gym class at the Y, but

didn't want to wait her turn or listen to what the teacher was asking, so if

she was too disruptive, after warning her, my dd would leave the class and

take her home, because what she was doing was really within her control, but

you have to know your kid pretty well to be sure what they are doing is

acting up.

It only took once, taking her home, with lots of weeping and wailing and

gnashing of teeth, for her to learn she had to listen to the teacher and

wait her turn patiently, :-) so was obviously the right call for her.

Is always a hard call, and I know that things like listening and waiting are

harder for our kids, but these are things they have to learn to do if they

are ever going to be able to participate in group activities. Of course,

not talking about children for whom these skills are beyond their scope.

Re: OT: Soccer and social woes (thank you for the

swimming lesson post)

> You know what, joy isn't bad. Some people would probably be happier if

> she was sitting

> there crying all the time. They are the ones who are mixed up. [Yes, you

> probably need to

> tell her not to spit back...I've got some ideas about that I'm about to

> try with Ben along the

> lines of two red lights don't make a green light, at present he tends to

> retaliate

> sometimes]...but bouncing around enthusiastically? I guess whoever feels

> critical about

> that doesn't know much about pro soccer games in some countries! They

> would think it is

> the rest of the team that has a problem!

>

> People are different. Some of the excellent seminars I've been attending

> on inclusive

> education try to teach all the students that fair doesn't mean everybody

> gets the same

> thing. If it did, when you choked in the cafeteria everybody would have to

> line up for a

> Heimlich manuever in alphabetical order...FAIR means everybody gets what

> they need,

> when they need it.

>

> I'm so glad your daughter has something she is good at that makes her

> happy. Benny is

> exactly the same way with his Sponge Bob Obstacle Odyssey Game. Today he

> reached the

> Bikini Bottom Complete level...a few weeks ago it was Jellyfish Fields

> complete...when he

> finished bouncing today he took his father's hand and said, " Some day, we

> will do Blue

> Abyss... " and it's a SOCIAL thing for him. If there's a game level he

> can't get, he shares it

> with dad (not me, I am hopeless at the game). And for your daughter, and

> her team, that

> is wonderful that she is happy for everybody.

>

> Besides that, the game has taught him something he didn't know a few

> months ago, that if

> you keep on trying and keep on practicing, you can become proficient at

> something that

> was impossible for you before. Last summer when something was hard he

> said, " My hands

> are broken, " and gave up. He knows better now. I'm sure the soccer is

> helping your

> daughter in the same way.

>

> Peace,

> Kathy E.

>

> PS. I'm retired, but I put on my suit and clergy collar today and paid a

> (just possibly

> slightly intimidating) visit to the Y's executive director. We are going

> to try having him

> finish his lessons in a class with some bigger, older boys more his size

> who are still

> beginners at swimming. If that doesn't work I will find him a way to get

> private lessons.

>

>

> knowing that she is going to " act up " behaviorally

>> along with people wondering why she's walking on her toes at times

>> (used to be all the time, so thankfully, that's better)and why she

>> expresses so-oo-o much excitement (jumping up and down encouraging

>> kids saying, " Go, go, go " )when the other kids just stand there. Our

>> dd seems to find joy in almost ALL things and expresses it to the

>> upmost.

>

>

>

>

>

>

>