Re: WAY OT: personal issue but something tells me you all can relate in some way

July 27, 2006

Hi Kerrie

Gee, I'm so sorry to hear about this. I don't have an answer for

you, but I do know that in your situation I would not go either,

given your safety concerns and the impossibility of the situation.

Knowing that your nieces are getting more support than you and your

son must not help *at all*.

This summer my son and I are NOT going with my husband and daughter

on vacation to visit relatives. My version of hell involves being an

extended houseguest - odd little son and suitcase of supplements in

tow - at a home where I am uncomfortable and unwelcome. I heard

through the grapevine that our arrival was dreaded, and was quite

happy to relieve these people of their burden. That might be my Hg

acting up, but it felt GREAT to dump that obligation ;-).

However, in my experience generally, I have never regretted giving

myself a little time to cool off before sending angry letters. I

don't think I've ever actually sent them after some thought, at least

not the really raw, unedited versions. You know your dad best, and

maybe something this terse is exactly what he needs to see/hear. Or

maybe he needs a little more background (spelled out as p l a i n l y

and neutrally as possible) about your emotional and financial

situation, why you really can't feel much sympathy for his triple

mortgage dilemma, etc. It's amazing how self-absorbed some people

can be, and when they are relatives that SHOULD BE SUPPORTING YOU it

really hurts. I do think that Andy really got it right in the

Amalgam Illness book when he said to find the people who will support

you, whoever they are, even if they aren't the ones who SHOULD be

supporting you.

I'm so sorry that you don't have more help and empathy from your dad.

take care

René

>

> I can't bring myself to hit send but this is what I want to send

them. After

> you read it go to the link to see the picture since I can't post

pictures

> here.

>

> Letter to Dad:

>

> Figure out what this costs me each month mentally, emotionally and

> financially, then call me crying about your three mortgages.

>

> Sorry we can't come visit. I'm too busy trying to recover my son

from a

> nightmare called autism which stole my normal healthy boy as

quickly and quietly

> as a thief in the night.

>

> _http://members.aol.com/ratlenhum/supps.jpg_

> (http://members.aol.com/ratlenhum/supps.jpg)

>

> What do you think? Too harsh or right on the money?

>

> Thanks for reading. I need to vent so bad but no one gets it, but I

know you

> all understand

>

July 27, 2006

I feel exactly where you are. I would send it..but I too am mercury

toxic and very angery most of the time.

My parents live right here, about 10 minutes away, yet they never

stop over. I actually told my mom off in front of a bunch of people

once as she was going on and on about how there is " nothing wrong

with my son " and she doesnt' see any problem. So I popped off and

said " since you spend no time with him, how would you know? " .

My inlaws don't even know the hell I live because my hubby is to

chicken to sit them down and explain what is wrong with their

grandson. He has been putting it off since we found all this out in

May. I am the one that had to put my foot down on the crap they kept

trying to feed him when we visited. And he himself is still living

with blinders on. We had a huge fight because I won't let him take

my son to the putting range or golf course...since they spray it

with arsenic..my son has a lot of that already.

Most of my family either doesn't have a clue, or pretends it doesn't

exsist. Out of site, out of mind. For most of the people on this

planet, that is easier than reality.

You may end up doing what I have done...just walking away from the

all and do what you need to do for your son and yourself. I am not

even sure how much longer my marriage will survive this, let alone

extended family. I am at the point where the only ones who matter

are my kids and everyone else can go to ....

I watch relatives and family with money too, how they get new

vehicles, houses, vacations etc...we struggle to pay for supplements

and still eat at the end of the month. This month I have $4 left in

the bank until August 1st, now that I have written out the bills.

I would write a " we are not comming down to visit letter " and

explain with a detailed list the cost of the supplements you had to

purchase this month, and how your child cannot travel due to his

illness. Yes, put illness...people don't really get it. Our kids are

sick! Let him know your sorry he can't come but you have to stay

here to take care of your son in the enviornment that is best and

safest for him. Perhaps sometime he will find the time and money to

visit. Take care..ta ta for now...blah, blah, blah.

Please know your not alone. I have this group, and my two kids.

Alone here too.

>

> I live in NY my dad lives in Florida. Dad is financially well off

and no

> help to me. Him and my wife were supposed to come visit sometime

in August. They

>

July 27, 2006

I couldn't help but respond to this message. My son is now 15 and when he was

first diagnosed at 2 yrs my extended families reaction has been a nightmare too.

there is little to no support and in fact my mother still thinks I should put my

son " somewhere " . Somewhere where " people " can take care of him.

In the beginning it affected my relationship with my husband, but I overlooked

alot of things communicated my feelings and compromised, not my son, but worked

with my husband and made him feel a part of the process of helping my son. We

became born again christians and I can't even tell you how much we rely on each

other. Daddies are very important to these kids. They need them and no

marriage should break up over this. I hope to the one woman who's marriage is

on the rocks, that you and your husband can come together. It is so worth it.

Extended family is tricky. Very few people can understand what we go through

unless they are going through it. It's just like any situation. I remember a

woman had lost a baby. I felt terrible for her and then asked her if she was

going to have another baby? YIKS. How stupid was I. I didn't mean it and can

never understand what it is to loose a baby like that. I didn't mean to say

something that stupid, and I think alot of people who hurt us might be the same

way.

My husband and I lean on Christ and since then everthing has fallen into place.

Jesus gets us through the toughest times and helps us to forgive those who stand

by when we are in such obvious need of help. I thank God every day for my son

because he led us our salvation.

I will keep you in my prayers. I know, after 13 years of dealing with family

how hard it can be, but I can tell you, you'll get tough skin and it will get

easier. I just pray for my mother and limit my calls to her. I love her still

and just know her value system is very different from mine, thanks to my son

and Jesus.

God Bless,

[ ] Re: WAY OT: personal issue but something tells me

you all can relate in some way