Re: Tactics

[Guest guest]

Great recommendations! Another one is www.copaa.org there is a $50

membership fee, but scholarships are available for parents that ask.

The email list alone is worth the money. Attorneys and advocates from

all across the nation voluntarily answer questions.

Tonya

( ) Tactics

After reading the last 20 - 25 messages, I think I see people reaching

out for some real " rubber meets the road " tactics.

I'm not a pro. I have no real advice for anyone, and if I did it would

be worth the money you are paying for it.

Kicking, shoving, yelling in someone's face, climbing on the lifeguard,

etc. Try the golden rule. Think of " how would you like it? " A lot of

times it is a demand for attention, or an expression of anxiety. Some

kids yell, some cry, some act out. All children do something. Some

reactions just don't fit the expected norm. Social cues just don't work.

It's like having a 100pc. puzzle of a world map and having one piece

missing, but there's a piece of a flower arrangement. It's a misfit. In

it's own place it's a perfect fit but in there, there's no use for it.

Any child's 100% effort may meet only 90% of the required criteria. 90%

of the puzzle.

I really have to take my hat off to you who are parents. I don't see

anyone here afraid to ask the " dumb question. "

Study. Learn how to advocate. Self Advocacy will go farther than any

request that others do it for you. One reason is that learning what an

advocate should do will give you reasonable and appropriate

expectations. Learn as much of their job as you can. Go to

wrightslaw.com. Study the IDEA. Get to know the IEP process as well as

you can. Get intimately familiar with the cases and the court decisions.

Don't ever forget that the best defense is a good offense. They may not

know that you know what they should be doing, and you have no obligation

to let them know that. When they pull the wool over your eyes, POUNCE

like a cat on a mouse!!! That's when you'll have their attention. Leave

them stuttering and stammering. Don't give an inch. Nothing, and I mean

nothing, will get their attention faster than a virtual skillet upside

the head by a frustrated, tired, and protective mom who really knows her

business. Almighty God, in all His Wisdom, never made a more formidable

foe.

Talk with, and ask everything of, everyone. Communicate. Beg. Bug.

Bother. It's your right, and to your child, it's your obligation. Ask.

Push. Prod. Shove if necessary. Don't expect them to give you the

answers you need. Get into their comfort zone, and become a sticker

under their saddles. Let them buck, jump, kick and throw, but don't give

up until you have what you need to know.

They will expect you to " know all the answers, " and if you don't know

what you need, they will not tell you how to get it. These people will

set projections and expectations for you. Please remember this: IT IS

NOT YOUR JOB TO LIVE UP TO THEIR EXPECTATIONS OR TO FULFIL THEIR

PROJECTIONS!!! Set your own projections and expectations for them.

Living up to, and fulfilling them are their jobs.

General Patton said: " No man ever won a war by dying for his country. He

won a war by making the other poor bastard die for his country. " If you

have to, go up against the boards and committees with the same attitude.

When you're facing down some guy who thinks he knows all the tricks,

have some of your own never let him see you sweat. You make him sweat.

Make him shivver. Make him wish he never saw you. But whatever you do,

don't back down.

http://wlcdr.everybody.org/whatwedo_learning.htm

http://www.specialeducationadvocacy.com/

http://www.pathowey.com/advice.htm

http://www.wrightslaw.com/advoc/ltrs/eric_eligibility_disputes.htm

http://www.fape.org/idea/ideaPassed.htm

http://www.acdl.com/What's%20He%20Done%20Now%20web%20siteppt_files/frame

..htm

http://www.ed.gov/parents/needs/speced/iepguide/index.html - Guide to

the Individualized Education Program

http://www.google.com/search?sourceid=navclient & aq=t & ie=UTF-8 & rls=GGLR,G

GLR:2006-34,GGLR:en & q=ieps - IEPs - Google Search

" Never, Never, Never Give Up " - Winston Churchill, 1942 Commencement at

RAF Cambridge

Dave

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

Oh my goodness, Dave that was awesomely said. I feel that I have

done a decent job of making sure my son's needs are taken care of

even though it has been so emotionally tough on me. It is such an

incredible responsibility to have to worry about and advocate for a

special needs child. Especially when they are the love of your

life. I didn't sleep the 1st year my son was diagnosed because I

felt like there was a fire that I needed to put out. When my son

was out of my sight, like in early intervention, I was terrified

that they weren't treating him right or there was more that I should

be doing or more I needed to know, and I am an OT! The system is so

hard to navigate, it took everything I had. I think it's tough for

women to be so forward and assertive and confrontational. But I

think with practice, it comes because it has to.

Now my son is in 1st grade. He is in a wonderful social

communications class, has a great aid, OT, PT, Speech therapy,

social skills classes, adaptive PE, wraparoung that goes to home and

school, and structured play at recess. All is great and my son is

finally working at grade level with no behavior issues, but I have

to keep on top of all these people because the service is only as

good as the provider and no one cares more for my son than I do, so

I am always checking on ALL!

I am terrified for the things I can't control, like social skills as

my son gets older. But so far so good. I am hanging in there.

I wish everybody a year that is productive for their child and as

stress free as possible. That's all we can hope for.

Happy New Year,

Debbie

[Guest guest]

,

Thank you for your words! I have been reading everybodies comments since

October but have only responded 1 time. My son is 10 and has AS and SID. And

now we a finding that my husband has AS as well. I am fighting all of Austins

battles right now. The school district and I have been going back and forth now

for a year. I have not backed down although I am starting to feel very weak and

alone. The positive thing for us is that he is at a gifted and talented school.

His teacher has let us use different tools with out an IEP or a 501. His other

class mates don't tease him and say that " oh that's just Austin " . I don't know

how long the district is going to make me jump through these hoops but i am not

letting them forget about me either. His teacher is one of my biggest advocates

for him, But after sitting in her class I realize that she is not such a good

fit for him. She has no structure and I can see him feeling frustrated and

overwhelmed. I filled 6 notebook

pages front and back with problems that he is having during his school day. I

have made some suggestions to her that I think will help him but I think she is

a my way or no way type of person and will not work with me on the little

things. I am not sure what to do I feel like he is wasting away.

( ) Tactics

After reading the last 20 - 25 messages, I think I see people reaching out for

some real " rubber meets the road " tactics.

I'm not a pro. I have no real advice for anyone, and if I did it would be worth

the money you are paying for it.

Kicking, shoving, yelling in someone's face, climbing on the lifeguard, etc. Try

the golden rule. Think of " how would you like it? " A lot of times it is a demand

for attention, or an expression of anxiety. Some kids yell, some cry, some act

out. All children do something. Some reactions just don't fit the expected norm.

Social cues just don't work. It's like having a 100pc. puzzle of a world map and

having one piece missing, but there's a piece of a flower arrangement. It's a

misfit. In it's own place it's a perfect fit but in there, there's no use for

it. Any child's 100% effort may meet only 90% of the required criteria. 90% of

the puzzle.

I really have to take my hat off to you who are parents. I don't see anyone here

afraid to ask the " dumb question. "

Study. Learn how to advocate. Self Advocacy will go farther than any request

that others do it for you. One reason is that learning what an advocate should

do will give you reasonable and appropriate expectations. Learn as much of their

job as you can. Go to wrightslaw.com. Study the IDEA. Get to know the IEP

process as well as you can. Get intimately familiar with the cases and the court

decisions.

Don't ever forget that the best defense is a good offense. They may not know

that you know what they should be doing, and you have no obligation to let them

know that. When they pull the wool over your eyes, POUNCE like a cat on a

mouse!!! That's when you'll have their attention. Leave them stuttering and

stammering. Don't give an inch. Nothing, and I mean nothing, will get their

attention faster than a virtual skillet upside the head by a frustrated, tired,

and protective mom who really knows her business. Almighty God, in all His

Wisdom, never made a more formidable foe.

Talk with, and ask everything of, everyone. Communicate. Beg. Bug. Bother. It's

your right, and to your child, it's your obligation. Ask. Push. Prod. Shove if

necessary. Don't expect them to give you the answers you need. Get into their

comfort zone, and become a sticker under their saddles. Let them buck, jump,

kick and throw, but don't give up until you have what you need to know.

They will expect you to " know all the answers, " and if you don't know what you

need, they will not tell you how to get it. These people will set projections

and expectations for you. Please remember this: IT IS NOT YOUR JOB TO LIVE UP TO

THEIR EXPECTATIONS OR TO FULFIL THEIR PROJECTIONS! !! Set your own projections

and expectations for them. Living up to, and fulfilling them are their jobs.

General Patton said: " No man ever won a war by dying for his country. He won a

war by making the other poor bastard die for his country. " If you have to, go up

against the boards and committees with the same attitude. When you're facing

down some guy who thinks he knows all the tricks, have some of your own never

let him see you sweat. You make him sweat. Make him shivver. Make him wish he

never saw you. But whatever you do, don't back down.

http://wlcdr. everybody. org/whatwedo_ learning. htm

http://www.speciale ducationadvocacy .com/

http://www.pathowey .com/advice. htm

http://www.wrightsl aw.com/advoc/ ltrs/eric_ eligibility_ disputes. htm

http://www.fape. org/idea/ ideaPassed. htm

http://www.acdl. com/What's%20He%20Done% 20Now%20web% 20siteppt_ files/frame.

htm

http://www.ed. gov/parents/ needs/speced/ iepguide/ index.html - Guide to the

Individualized Education Program

http://www.google. com/search? sourceid= navclient & aq=t & ie=UTF- 8 & rls=GGLR,

GGLR:2006- 34,GGLR:en & q=ieps - IEPs - Google Search

" Never, Never, Never Give Up " - Winston Churchill, 1942 Commencement at RAF

Cambridge

Dave

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