School Problems

[Guest guest]

Yeah... I wish I had the guts to stand up to them from the beginning... It's my

own fault, I have issues... but they should not be treating anyone that way...

since I pulled my son out of school, he has been so much more calm and relaxed

and happier... well, he has had a few moments, but nothing like before... people

are telling me, the school, my family, that I shouldn't remove him from social

situations under any circumstance because he has to learn to follow the rules

and that not everything mommy's going to fix for him and I have spoiled him,

etc... it sucks to have no one on my side around here... I mean, I have

literally no one... his father left when I was pregnant with him, haven't seen

him since... or recieved child support either... of course. My family doesn't

think anything is wrong with him except that he needs a good spanking and I am

basically a terrible parent for not giving him one. So I just have to do the

best I can... but sometimes I haven't got a clue what that is... Thanks for your

kind response... Tami

Re: ( ) Re: School Problems

Tell that to the school... I asked to spend the day with him in school one

time to find out what they did there because he was upset every day that he

came home and complained bitterly about school, so they said they'd have to

think about it and call me back... so they called me back and said, u can

come in on Tuesday but you better be quiet and not distract anyone or you

will have to leave, cause it isn't fair to the other kids that their parents

aren't here... Like that's my fault or problem... well I went to school,

alright, and was given dirty looks and snide comments all day by all the

teachers and staff, except the lunch ladies... they were pleasant, at least.

If my son turned around and smiled at me, the teachers would say, " that's

it, you are going to have to leave if this continues! I won't have that in

my class! " Which I assume is a bunch of self important rediculousness... I

didn't say a word, though. I can tell you it was one of the most humbling

days of my life... it was rediculous being treated like less than a person

because I took an interest in my son's school.

**** That is really rude on their part! You were great to even put up with

it all day! The school should have a written policy in place on parents

visiting the school. Next time, as to have it in writing so you can see

" the rules. " Most likely it says you can visit school with advanced notice

or some such thing. And duh, of course your child will turn to look at you!

Geez! He's a kid! I would probably write a follow up letter and let the

school administration know how this was handled. And make sure they know in

advance next time to stop making your ds " pay " for your visit by chastising

him like that!

Visiting the school is one of the best ideas and I highly recommend it! You

can really get an idea of how your child is doing when you see it up close

and personal!

Roxanna

[Guest guest]

Wow... the school told me not to put Asperger's on his IEP and refused to change

it from emotionally disabled to Asperger's, even though I asked them to several

times... cause he is not emotionally disabled... he has a neurological

disorder... schools can be soooo stupid.

Re: ( ) Re: School Problems

Hello Tami,

If I or more (all) parents know our rights as well as you, were as

consistent as you, spoke up just like you and stuck with it. none of this would

be going on in the schools. there would not be stressed out depressed parents

and children. I'm still learning, but it seems like each time a parents speaks

up & wins, the schools educate them selves to make it harder for the next

parent. they seem to have an answer for everything. I'm glad you spoke up and

got your child what she needs. Good for you!!!

I hope she feels comfortable and is doing well in the " day

treatment program " I hope you have some peace and time for yourself too. Now

that you don't have to deal with that mess in her old school. I know you worked

very hard with this. Hugs to you

disorderlybehavior <disorderlybehavior@...> wrote:

Tami,

Your situation sounds almost EXACTLY like mine. I loathe the spec ed

coordinator at my son and daughter's school (EBD program).

Unfortunately, the schools here in the county where I live are all

part of a co-op for spec ed programs, and she is the coordinator for

ALL of them, go figure. My daughter is NT, but had PTSD, 13 yrs old.

The harrassment she was going through from her teachers in this

program got so bad I had to pull her out of school, after which I

insisted on homebound instruction till the end of the school year, I

simply refused to send her back there, it was too potentially

damaging for her. It was not an easy battle, but I eventually got my

way, next year she will be attending school at a day treatment

program, out of the district, at their expense. There is currently a

class action lawsuit against this particular co-op program, and I

have been asked by the atty to join in the lawsuit, I am considering

it. We have an ongoing lawsuit with them already because one of the

teachers pressed charges on my daughter for assault, resulting from

her IEP not being followed. As for my AS son (11 yrs old), he is

currenly " mis " placed in an EBD program through the same co-op. This

will be his last year there. I think this woman knows by now, if my

child doesn't get what they need, I will go as far as needed to get

it. She doesn't want me in her hair again. I can just imagine the

banter in the teacher's lounge about what a bitch I am. Well, GOOD!

I

have been working my butt off to get my kids what they need, if that

makes me a bitch, then so be it. I'm proud to be one!

Vent away hon, and demand what you KNOW your son needs!

/hugs

Theresa

>

> My 14 yo Asperger's son goes to an ignorant school. They refuse

to

> call me if they have problems with him, instead they scream at him

> and threaten to call the cops on him. They actually did once, to

my

> horror, for refusing to give the principal a piece of paper that

was

> in his pocket. The cops said, well, just ask him again nicely,

> cause there is nothing we can do. I didn't find out til after the

> fact, of course. I called the director of special education and

> reported them, and since then there has been no reports of

screaming

> or threatening of the police from my son, but they give him

> detentions for saying things like " school sucks " which is a normal

> thing for an aspie to say... wouldn't you agree? When I have

tried

> to talk to them in the past, they tell me they know all about

> asperger's (even though my son is the only child at the school

with

> Asperger's) and I should just be supportive of their punishments.

I

> have brought the director of the Autism society of maine to many

> meetings, and they of course, tell me there is no need for me to

do

> that, and they smile and act all nice during the meetings, but

then

> they just pull the same crap again anyhow. I unfortunately have

> engaged myself in a battle of the words with his school case

manager

> whom I loathe and I have made this clear to her, after putting up

> with her crap for over a year, being pleasant and trying to be

> involved in his academic life. When I do come to school, if he

even

> tries to hug me, (which he is very affectionate with me, and has

> problems with personal space when it comes to my personal space.

He

> won't let anyone else touch him... but he likes to hug me and hold

> my hand) she calls my sons social worker on me, which I found out

is

> illegal for her to contact my son's social worker without my

> permission. I have threatened to sue them, but I know that it

will

> take tons of time and money and energy... and since he is leaving

> that school next month... why bother, but I really don't know what

> else to do. My son hates them all with a passion. When they give

> him a detention, he refuses to go to school because he believes it

> to be unfair. He is 6 foot tall and 200 pounds, I can't exactly

> drag him there... and of course, they are coming down on me for

it.

> My question is what would any of you do? She emails me and tries

to

> pretend she cares, but she has broken the law so many times, and

> violated his rights... I email her back and basically tell her I

> don't like you, you have no idea what you are doing, I can't

believe

> the government gave you a job, you shouldn't be allowed to deal

with

> disabled children, you are ignorant and you should read a book on

> asperger's before you open your mouth, etc. Of course, I feel

like

> an ahole, because I want to be involved with his school, but

> everytime I try, they treat me like an unwanted second class

> citizen... I know my son can be stubborn and hard to deal with,

but

> isn't that what they get paid for???? I mean, my son threatened

to

> blow up the cafeteria in 2nd grade, and the school got so upset.

I

> had to reassure them that there are no bombs or bomb making

> materials in my house, and besides he's only 7. He hasn't done

that

> since then, but he does say things at school like hitler was cool,

> and he hates school and he hates everyone in the world, but only

> when he is having a hard time at school. And he never lies to me,

> he always tells me what he did and why. The one time they called

> me, because screaming at him wasn't working, I got on the phone

and

> I said, what happened, and he told me he said I hate you to the

> principal and he got a detention and he wasn't going to stay. I

> told him, you have to stay, you know you can't say those things...

I

> will come pick you up when detention is over but you are going to

> stay and no more trouble. And he did, no arguing. But they

refuse

> to call me at all anymore. I am just so frustrated with this

whole

> situation. He can't help the way he feels, and they are making

him

> feel this way by reacting to him the way they do... would you

> agree? Any feedback is much appreciated. THANKS FOR LISTENING TO

> ME VENT!!

>

[Guest guest]

HI there,

Emotionally disabled, is a lower or " lesser " classification. If its

proven he has AS, then go for the AI rating. The Emotionally disabled

classification does not provide nearly as much help, or types of help i

should say, than a AI rating. An AI rating (which is what AS falls

under) is the highest classification and this means any and all help

tht might benefit him will be provided for him, but once agian, all of

it has to be written clearly on that IEP and signed by all parties

involved. Else they arenot bound by law to provide additional services

for your child. You should speak to an advocate, they will explain all

this to you, and show you exactly what services would be available

tohim, in comparison to an AI rating. Advocates are free, they are

there for YOU, not the school. Find a group of advocates in your area

and get over there with all your paperwork : )

[Guest guest]

At the beginning of the year my son has serious issues with the school

thing (he started K this year). After he settled in he seemed to do

really well. Now out of no where he is reverting to not so " acceptable "

behavior. And if the resource teachers comments where not stressful

enought I received a call from a concerned parent. Apparently she is a

teacher aid and she helps in Devin's resource room. She said that the

teacher absolutly does not get what is " wrong " with Devin. The women is

a parent of a child with developmental delay and was upset badly about

the treatment of all of the students in the resource room. The resource

teacher yelled at my son to the point of tears and then of course he

melted after this happened. When the parent stepped in to side with

Devin the resource teacher quickly let her know she was a aid not a

teacher. Also Devin seems to think that medical professionals want to

kill him. So when the school nurse came in the room he told her he

didn't want to die. The resource teacher freaked out and demanded a

apology. Devin refused because he had done nothing to apologize about.

The teacher told Devin that die is a bad word and to never use it

around adults.What is that. He had Aspergers, why does this not mean

anything to the teacher. Can we all say duh. Then she wrote me a letter

explaining that if he continued the behaviour he would be sent to the

principle for punishment. I quickly respond that I would hope she would

call me to the school before taking these actions. I just don't like

her anymore and I am taking this all very personally. I am tring to

schedule a new meeting but I don't know if I should use the parents

name who called me. What actions should I take other than the

natural " say that to my face " attitude I want to take?

Thanks, Lenore