complete meltdown,,,

[Guest guest]

Ok,,you all know I have a 16 year old, with aspergers,,, and we are

dealing ok. In the last year,,we have been through a divorce, a

sister moving out,,and generally, just trying to make it. When BJ

turned 16, last Wednesday, he started a job. I work at a hog

confinement, and BJ started with me. The first 2 days he worked,

did absulutely GREAT !!! LOVES it!!! Is even working on

making " eye " contact, ok, for real,,its more nose contact, but we

are fooling alot of people, lol. He hasnt talked yet, but is

offering nods. We have about 25 other employees and they all know

me and my kids. My daughter and ex-husband also work at the hog

farm, so,,,alittle stressful.

Last Friday night, BJ was to spend the night with my ex, and go

to work the next morning with him. He spends the night with Alan

around 2 times a month. My daughter sings in a band, and Alan and

Tabetha were already at the bar, the place I was to leave BJ after

some shopping. (We live in South Dakota, and bars are not the same

here as the rest of the world.) OK,,here comes the good part.... At

9:30, I left BJ, after sitting in the parking lot 15 minutes, to

make sure everything was ok. I ask BJ, was Alan drinking? He says

only one beer. I ask,,are you ok with that? He says yes,

everything is good !! So, I drive home, 25 miles. Alan is not

normaly a drinker. At 11:00, BJ calls, and says PLEASE come get

him, dad wont quit drinking. I tell BJ, do not leave with Alan, I am

on my way! I throw on cloths, and drive 70 MPH all the way in. I

pull up to the bar, and BJ is walking around out in the parking lot,

all alone, with his bag. He gets into the truck,,and,,I have never

seen this,,,he is CRYING!!! I was shocked. About several things,

realy. Number one, BJ was CRYING. And number 2, Alan had left him

at the bar, because he didnt want to face me. HE LEFT HIM BY

HIMSELF!!! At 11:30 PM!!! (Now this is not New York City, we are a

small town of 600 people and Tabetha was still singing, so BJ was

not in normal harms way, but, come on. (And jsut to let you

know,,at work they call me " Momma Bear " . Do not even THINK about

hurting one of my babys.) I tryed pulling over,,and touching BJ,,he

would have none of that, kept pulling away, saying " I want to go

home. " over and over, and over.I could hardly understand him, with

the sobs. I dont think I have seen BJ cry in 12 years. Even in

pain, getting stiches, nothing. So,,drove home,,growling inside,

(remember,,momma bear???). When we get home,,I make BJ wash his

face,and try, I say try, to talk to him...I ask,,are you ok,,he

says, yes, but leave him alone,,ok,,this is not BJ's way. I ask,,BJ

are you hurt? He says no,,but DAD LEFT HIM!!! I ask, did

dad " forget " you? He says no,,when he found out that BJ called

me,,he got mad, and left, before I got there, because he didnt want

to face me. OK,,lots of stuff going on in my head,,like murder,

but,,hey,,, move on. I make BJ a cup of tea,,he goes to his room.

I sit up,,and wonder, if I kill Alan how do I hide the body??? Ok,

I wasnt that far. The next morning,,,I am up at 6 am,,and dont wake

BJ, he is a person that like to wake up by himself. At 8:30, I call

a friend who also works at hog farm, and ask,,,hows Alan? She

says,,what have you heard,,and I know he has told everyone at work,

something. So, after getting her side of Alans story, (dosent match

mine, lol),,and telling Tina BJ's side, and knowing the whole aspies

side, I come to a disision, right or wrong, to make this better.

(hopefully???) I make Tina call Alan to the phone, and point blank

tell him, either he gets over to my house after work,and works this

out,,or he will never fix this with BJ. Alan is quite and humble,

and says ok. When Alan gets here, I am outside, and I have not told

BJ he is going to stop by. We walk in the house together, (I didnt

even ask him about the night before), and well,,,BJ shuts down. He

didnt realy shut down,,he hadnt talked yet anyway. The only thing I

could get out of BJ on his feelings, was he was MAD because dad was

drinking,,and HURT because dad LEFT HIM! BJ would not talk to

Alan. I go to the kitchen,,giving man talk a chance. Alan is in

the kitchen in 2 minutes, saying its all ok,, I look at him, and

wonder who big of an idiot is he? I says no its not. That hes hurt

BJ enought to damage his whole relationship, and as much as I dis-

love him at this moment, it is not fixed. (I know BJ) SO, fighting

BJ, (mentaly),,,I ask,,him,,BJ are you ok,,nothing,,still locked

out. Swallowing alot of hate, I tell BJ, Alan wants to take us out

for the day, and we are going. Alan trys not to show his shock, I

think he thought this was an easy fix, and he could go home and

sleep his hangover off. BJ is not falling for it, but, stomps into

the truck, after 20 minutes of blank stare. Ok,,I jsut keep

chatting like a fool. Trying to keep conversation between the 3 of

us. (Next time, I will perform a root canel on myself.) Took 5

hours,,and 165.00 dollars out of Alans pocket, but BJ did finally

talk to Alan. The first 2 hours, nothing, the next 2 hours,

was 'ask dad " this and Alan was sitting right there, but,,when BJ

finally talks to Alan by himself, I think,,ok,,now we can go back

home. Last night, when it was just BJ and myself again,,it was 90%

back to normal. After the night before, I did a few cartwheels, and

know deep down, that, even thought it cost me not to kill Alan,,I

did something for BJ that could have had a very bad effect on his

life. It will take BJ at least a month to trust Alan enought to go

home with him, but at least he can face Alan at work, or if he comes

over. Now,,BJ is clingly, (more than usual), but will be ok. I

will call the councelor Monday morning, to make sure I can get BJ in

this week, but,, Hopefully, I did the right thing. I do have to

admit, I could have turned BJ against Alan for life, and hurt Alan

like he has hurt me, but,,to what cost to BJ? I havent calmed down

enought to tell Alan what I think of him doing this,,but he knows.

He also knows he has an ass chewing coming. (I am a southern girl,

we do not forget and we do not forgive, for at least 20 years.)

But, my childs feelings and happyness, comes before my hate, and

revenge. I know this letter turned into a whole chapter, but, I am

all alone, and have only you friends to vent to. I am a single mom,

working just to get by, and raising my little aspie as best I can.

I so worry what will happen if something happened to me,,and I wasnt

around to help and protect BJ. All parents worry this, right? I am

posting pictures of BJ and would love to share them with

you,,,thanks for being here...barbra