Re: and commenting; Re:Autism Cure, huh?

[Guest guest]

ok.. i was reading the teachers proposed IEP for my sons special needs

preschool. she wanted to make so many accomidations for him because hes

" autistic " . such as getting a choice of what he learns when the rest of the kids

dont... ?? i told her no way!! alex gets treated like the rest or we can find a

different program! when people treat alex like he's less intelligent, such as

yelling whentalking because they think ifthey talk louder it will make him

respond?? thats justasupsetting asteh rude ones. i too have heard that my son

just needs a good spanking. this was at my churchs daycare. we never went again

advocateforaspies <advocateforaspies@...> wrote: Hi ,

I like what you said. I, too, hold my kids up to really high

standards. But it is only because I know they will have it harder in

life, so they have to be that much better.

I mean, we aren't beating our kids or anything, but we

are 'teaching' and that is what we need to be doing. I laugh when my

mom says, " Oh poor ... (my son) because he can't do this, or has it

hard! " Ok, maybe I shouldn't laugh, but I keep pushing and having

him become aware of what is and isn't acceptable, and he has made

amazing progress.

Sometimes the comments can be very good, (Especially if done like

you said, in the right way!) Of course then are the ones that come

from people that just see very little, but I am talking the mall, as

your child screams at something or in line while my son 'talks to

much' and I have to regulate him (Like it is a big deal! I regulate

him to teach him!)

I am glad I don't 'give in' like some of the posting I just read.

That would not be good in the case of my boys.

That is one thing I have always done well. We fuss in the store, we

leave. Of course, I also say, you want something, save your money.

LOL

Isn't it nice when we can work so hard with our kids, that

sometimes, they are more well behaved than our NT relatives (the

children, that is!)?? I love that!

*grin*

>

> Hi Rose,

>

> I do know exactly what you mean! My non-autistic nephew gets away

> with murder at his house with his parents. My sister is a very lax

> parent. When I am there...boy is he different. I will correct him.

I

> am comfortable doing it because I told my sister when he was very

> small, that if he acted out I was not having it...but I did clear

> that with her long before the issue came up. My son, I think, has

> pretty darn good manners, but it has taken us almost 10 years to

get

> him there. My MIL constantly tells me I am too hard on him. I

reply

> with " I expect what he is capable of " . He has learned that social

> rules are just that, rules, and even if he doen't " get " them, they

> are to be followed. We are very lucky with him. My husband and I

> brainstormed and talked after the diagnosis, and decided that,

while

> yes he needs accomidations, we were going to treat him like we

would

> a " normal " kid. It has paid off. We accommidate him by no sudden

> changes, lots of warning, but I still am the homework drill

sargent.

> Sorry, getting off topic. My son, he doen't really act out in the

> stores, because I will ground him from every fun thing he owns,

and

> he knows it. If he needs to speak out or be physical, he is

learning

> to tell me that he is frustrated or he is mad, and then we work on

> breathing and talking it out. Part of that is because I am only 5

ft

> 1 and he comes to my nose already, he is 9 1/2! So I guess my

> statement is bad behavior is partly due to the AS and partly due

to

> parenting.

>

> I do agree that it is in bad form to comment if you don't know the

> family, but if you do, I think commenting, if done right, is okay.

I

> can't imagine having 2 AS kids, but we are having a new baby next

> year. So maybe it will happen, maybe not. I do know, that my kids

> will be different, but they will have the same rules to follow.

>

>

---------------------------------

Everyone is raving about the all-new beta.

[Guest guest]

,

I like " ALL " your strategies!!!

I do the same with my children, they are responsible for their actions. If

they break something, they pay for it... This worked very well, they are very

careful with other peoples stuff..

WOW, is your first sentence so true.

If you don't give that little extra push, the child won't do their best. As

far as following rules, rules are everywhere. So why not teach them " rules "

while they are young so it won't be so hard when they get older.

we do work harder with our children then parents do with their N.T. children

do. but I'm seeing more inappropriate NT children then mine with the

disability....at an after school activity. I've seen a father just sit there

and watch his child sing a song real loud while the instructor was speaking to

the other children. Other parents & myself corrected our children when they

started to copy that child. but that father just watched while his son sang

very loud while the instructor spoke..This goes on every week/meeting..

That was good you spoke to the teacher. what a distraction for your

son..*smile*

<mrathswohl@...> wrote:

Hi ,

Kids will only give you as good of performance as they are capable

and you expect. Because Lucas is capable, I expect more. I hear all

the time, he just can't or but he acts like that because of the

autism. It is my job to teach him how to, and how not to act. He

doesn't get the social rules all the time, but he knows he needs to

follow those rules. It is also amzing, how when I ground him for

failing a test, the next week he passes with an A.

Having said that, I do have to remind his teacher that having another

student help him with his tests is not okay. Gee lets see, the 9 year

old boy who likes girls, and the 10 year old cute little

blond...where is his attention? NOT ON HIS TEST! Oi! I don't give in,

bad behavior is still bad and not okay. The other thing we do, is if

he brakes something, he pays for it. He had to replace a TV remote,

and a play station remote and a mouse for the computer. Now..I have

to work on the chore chart and getting him to help more. Pray for

that one! Thanks!

> >

> > Hi Rose,

> >

> > I do know exactly what you mean! My non-autistic nephew gets away

> > with murder at his house with his parents. My sister is a very

lax

> > parent. When I am there...boy is he different. I will correct

him.

> I

> > am comfortable doing it because I told my sister when he was very

> > small, that if he acted out I was not having it...but I did clear

> > that with her long before the issue came up. My son, I think, has

> > pretty darn good manners, but it has taken us almost 10 years to

> get

> > him there. My MIL constantly tells me I am too hard on him. I

> reply

> > with " I expect what he is capable of " . He has learned that social

> > rules are just that, rules, and even if he doen't " get " them,

they

> > are to be followed. We are very lucky with him. My husband and I

> > brainstormed and talked after the diagnosis, and decided that,

> while

> > yes he needs accomidations, we were going to treat him like we

> would

> > a " normal " kid. It has paid off. We accommidate him by no sudden

> > changes, lots of warning, but I still am the homework drill

> sargent.

> > Sorry, getting off topic. My son, he doen't really act out in the

> > stores, because I will ground him from every fun thing he owns,

> and

> > he knows it. If he needs to speak out or be physical, he is

> learning

> > to tell me that he is frustrated or he is mad, and then we work

on

> > breathing and talking it out. Part of that is because I am only 5

> ft

> > 1 and he comes to my nose already, he is 9 1/2! So I guess my

> > statement is bad behavior is partly due to the AS and partly due

> to

> > parenting.

> >

> > I do agree that it is in bad form to comment if you don't know

the

> > family, but if you do, I think commenting, if done right, is

okay.

> I

> > can't imagine having 2 AS kids, but we are having a new baby next

> > year. So maybe it will happen, maybe not. I do know, that my kids

> > will be different, but they will have the same rules to follow.

> >

> >

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

WHAT ARE THE NAMES OF THE BOOKS?

<mkisses@...> wrote: I also hold my kids with asperger's to

high standards. I treat them

as typically as possible so they can make it " out there " . But I

still love the innocence, I worry they will be taken advantage of

once in the real world, so we work HARD on life skills and social

skills. I have two good books on it and we do lots of social

stories as needed.

> >

> > Hi Rose,

> >

> > I do know exactly what you mean! My non-autistic nephew gets

away

> > with murder at his house with his parents. My sister is a very

lax

> > parent. When I am there...boy is he different. I will correct

him.

> I

> > am comfortable doing it because I told my sister when he was

very

> > small, that if he acted out I was not having it...but I did

clear

> > that with her long before the issue came up. My son, I think,

has

> > pretty darn good manners, but it has taken us almost 10 years to

> get

> > him there. My MIL constantly tells me I am too hard on him. I

> reply

> > with " I expect what he is capable of " . He has learned that

social

> > rules are just that, rules, and even if he doen't " get " them,

they

> > are to be followed. We are very lucky with him. My husband and I

> > brainstormed and talked after the diagnosis, and decided that,

> while

> > yes he needs accomidations, we were going to treat him like we

> would

> > a " normal " kid. It has paid off. We accommidate him by no sudden

> > changes, lots of warning, but I still am the homework drill

> sargent.

> > Sorry, getting off topic. My son, he doen't really act out in

the

> > stores, because I will ground him from every fun thing he owns,

> and

> > he knows it. If he needs to speak out or be physical, he is

> learning

> > to tell me that he is frustrated or he is mad, and then we work

on

> > breathing and talking it out. Part of that is because I am only

5

> ft

> > 1 and he comes to my nose already, he is 9 1/2! So I guess my

> > statement is bad behavior is partly due to the AS and partly due

> to

> > parenting.

> >

> > I do agree that it is in bad form to comment if you don't know

the

> > family, but if you do, I think commenting, if done right, is

okay.

> I

> > can't imagine having 2 AS kids, but we are having a new baby

next

> > year. So maybe it will happen, maybe not. I do know, that my

kids

> > will be different, but they will have the same rules to follow.

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

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[Guest guest]

You hit upon a really good point! If we just 'accept' that our children

are going to be disabled and don't push them beyond what is comfortable

or what we think they can do, we're doing them a disservice. I don't

mean pushing kids too far, but I mean still raising the bar and helping

them to increase their skill levels and behavior. For example, my son is

in a class he goes to periodically. He acts out sometimes there, and

often appears as though he's not listening and not participating.

However, at home, he can tell me word-for-word what happened and repeat

any song or dance they learned perfectly. The teacher feels that because

he's not looking at her, he's not cooperating or participating and

doesn't assign him parts or expect much of him. I know she means well,

doesn't want to disrupt the class and doesn't want to push him, but if

he thinks nothing is expected, that's what he'll achieve, you know? I've

had to tell her that she needs to still include him like anyone else --

he will rise to the occasion, and even if it's not perfect, he still

needs to be treated like anyone else. It's difficult, and it's

frustrating but I get upset when he's left out and while he may not know

it or care, he won't get any better if he's just let do it. Definitely a

challenge.

wrote:

>

> Hi ,

>

> Kids will only give you as good of performance as they are capable

> and you expect. Because Lucas is capable, I expect more. I hear all

> the time, he just can't or but he acts like that because of the

> autism. It is my job to teach him how to, and how not to act. He

> doesn't get the social rules all the time, but he knows he needs to

> follow those rules. It is also amzing, how when I ground him for

> failing a test, the next week he passes with an A.

>

> Having said that, I do have to remind his teacher that having another

> student help him with his tests is not okay. Gee lets see, the 9 year

> old boy who likes girls, and the 10 year old cute little

> blond...where is his attention? NOT ON HIS TEST! Oi! I don't give in,

> bad behavior is still bad and not okay. The other thing we do, is if

> he brakes something, he pays for it. He had to replace a TV remote,

> and a play station remote and a mouse for the computer. Now..I have

> to work on the chore chart and getting him to help more. Pray for

> that one! Thanks!

>