Re: 7 year old still not danger savy

[Guest guest]

For now, you hold his hand, and EVERY TIME you cross the street with

him, you say the exact same words. " STOP. LOOK LEFT. LOOK RIGHT. LOOK

LEFT AGAIN. NOW CROSS. " Or whatever your version of that is. Just be

sure that you always use the exact same words every time. It'll make

it easier for him to internalize it. We did that until was

about 15. He is still uncomfortable about crossing complicated

streets, such as the one in front of our apartment building. It is

very busy, and it involves dodging cars to get across. I have advised

him to cross at the crosswalk down the street a ways.

Liz

On Dec 22, 2006, at 2:25 PM, lizs.1234 wrote:

> My son has always required extra special attention in parking lots. He

> never understood the dangers of a car hitting him. He would see a bird

> or butterfly & chase it. So we have always held his hand in parking

> lots with the force of the Jaws of Life! He's not the type of kid who

> you can shout, " Nick here's a car, come back NOW! " He just wouldn't

> come back.

> So now at age 7 (8 years in August) I thought he was better in parking

> lots but found he was almost killed in front of my eyes this morning.

> I was holding his hand, he broke loose & I grabbed his shirt & pulled

> him back into me with about 1-2 inches to spare from the bumper of a

> moving car.

> Will I be holding his hand as a teenager? When will this get better?

> He's " mild " with his AS, but also has ADHD....which adds to his

> impulsivity.

> Any advice on this? Or just share your similar experiences. (Misery

> loves company!)

>

> Thanks,

> Liz

> Houston

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I had to hold my daughter's hand firmly until recently. She was

almost hit a few times also when she got away. I decided to educate

(scare her) on traffic and what would happen if she was hit. At

first it seemed to work, but then she went too far with it and

became too scared. I now see a lot more OCD characteristics so it

makes sense to me now. So I backed off of the scaring tactic.

Overtime she started to want to be more independent in all areas of

her life, walking without holding my hand as one. I taught her

where to stop and to look both ways. Because she is a creature of

habit this has worked well. But I can never completely trust her,

because if she is upset she can lose all sense of rules and danger.

So I have to consider her mood each day before leaving the house.

Jen

>

> My son has always required extra special attention in parking

lots. He

> never understood the dangers of a car hitting him. He would see a

bird

> or butterfly & chase it. So we have always held his hand in

parking

> lots with the force of the Jaws of Life! He's not the type of kid

who

> you can shout, " Nick here's a car, come back NOW! " He just

wouldn't

> come back.

> So now at age 7 (8 years in August) I thought he was better in

parking

> lots but found he was almost killed in front of my eyes this

morning.

> I was holding his hand, he broke loose & I grabbed his shirt &

pulled

> him back into me with about 1-2 inches to spare from the bumper of

a

> moving car.

> Will I be holding his hand as a teenager? When will this get

better?

> He's " mild " with his AS, but also has ADHD....which adds to his

> impulsivity.

> Any advice on this? Or just share your similar experiences.

(Misery

> loves company!)

>

> Thanks,

> Liz

> Houston

>

[Guest guest]

He does know he's supposed to stop & look when he crosses the street. But if he

decides he gonna cross it, & something on the other side has really got him

excited....he's GONE. Of coarse we explain what dangerous rule he has broken &

punish after he crosses without looking. And in parking lots we hold his hand

90% of the time, but he will sometimes break away & chase what he has his mind

set on. Like he did this morning at Lowe's.

I will continue explaining what he needs to do & hold on to him as tightly as

I can, but it's exhausting! I also have a three year old who seems to be having

" issues " beyond the norm, whom I have to keep safe too. I feel like this is too

much sometimes! It's so much easier to just keep them in the house & play with

them in our backyard rather than venturing out into the big, bad world.

Liz

Houston

Liz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote:

For now, you hold his hand, and EVERY TIME you cross the street with

him, you say the exact same words. " STOP. LOOK LEFT. LOOK RIGHT. LOOK

LEFT AGAIN. NOW CROSS. " Or whatever your version of that is. Just be

sure that you always use the exact same words every time. It'll make

it easier for him to internalize it. We did that until was

about 15. He is still uncomfortable about crossing complicated

streets, such as the one in front of our apartment building. It is

very busy, and it involves dodging cars to get across. I have advised

him to cross at the crosswalk down the street a ways.

Liz

On Dec 22, 2006, at 2:25 PM, lizs.1234 wrote:

> My son has always required extra special attention in parking lots. He

> never understood the dangers of a car hitting him. He would see a bird

> or butterfly & chase it. So we have always held his hand in parking

> lots with the force of the Jaws of Life! He's not the type of kid who

> you can shout, " Nick here's a car, come back NOW! " He just wouldn't

> come back.

> So now at age 7 (8 years in August) I thought he was better in parking

> lots but found he was almost killed in front of my eyes this morning.

> I was holding his hand, he broke loose & I grabbed his shirt & pulled

> him back into me with about 1-2 inches to spare from the bumper of a

> moving car.

> Will I be holding his hand as a teenager? When will this get better?

> He's " mild " with his AS, but also has ADHD....which adds to his

> impulsivity.

> Any advice on this? Or just share your similar experiences. (Misery

> loves company!)

>

> Thanks,

> Liz

> Houston

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I totally understand. It is exhausting, especially when you have more

than 1 child to watch. My son is 11 now. He has mild ASD, but also

still not totally " danger savy " about cars. However, it did get

better with age and repetition for him. I can now trust him to cross

KNOWN streets and parking lots alone, such as from our apartment to

the apartment office. He also responds better now when I tell him to

stop or watch for an oncoming car. I would say he was between 9 and

10 when this happened. (Probably closer to 10.) The impulsivness of

ripping loose from my hand and running off also got better about the

same time. The negative was that all his anxieties about " being

killed " also increased about the same time. So it's constantly over-

reaction or under-reaction with him. I still watch him like a hawk

any time he is on foot near cars, but he is embarrassed to hold my

hand all the time now, so knows that if he doesn't watch/stop for

cars on a regular basis, I'll make him go back to hand holding every

where we go and not let him go anywhere alone on foot. He's just

gotten fairly proficient with his bike, but I still have to make him

stay on the sidewalks with it at all times. Occassionally he loses

his balance and crashes, especially if he feels anxious about sharing

the sidewalk with another pedestrian/biker. We recently had a

similiar situation on foot. He was checking the mailbox, got spooked

by a passing car (though it was no where near him), and lost his

balance falling into the street. It scared him very badly, and he was

convinced he was almost killed. Lately our biggest problem is his

talking. He's actually better alone sometimes now, because if he's

walking with someone else, especially if he's talking about a special

interest, he totally tunes out his surroundings and won't watch for

anything. I know when we get out of the car if he's talking about

computers, I may as well grab his hand, because he won't look for

cars at all. So like everyone else, my suggestions are repetition,

time, and just being aware of what may trigger an impulsive or

oblivious response. I would try not to frighten him too much about

it, as I think the anxiety may eventually develop on it's own as he

becomes more independent. Good luck!

Tushanna

[Guest guest]

I know what you mean. I have a 10 yo boy (my aspie\adhd), an 8 yo girl and a 5

yo boy. I hold thier hands everywhere or we make a line. It scares the heck out

of me when one of them lets go. My boys are the ones I really have to hold on

to. They know that cars can hurt or even kill them. But it didn't stop my 5 yo

(he was 4 at the time) from running out of a restaurant while my friends were

holding the door open waiting for me to put my coat on. He just ran right out

the door like he was racing us to the car or something. It was like 9 at night

and we had parked on the otherside of the lot. It didn't matter to him that I

screamed at him to stop as he was going out the door. He just kept running,

laughing like it was the most hilarious thing he had ever done. I chased him

down, dropped my stuff and spanked his butt. He still kept laughing. I told my

friends that's why I don't usually spank him cuz unless he is upset about what

he did he will just laugh in my face not

realizing he really did anything wrong. And that can be one of the most

irratating things as a parent. They don't have kids and mine seem very out of

control though they are actually good kids. But I made him look me in the eyes

and tried once again to get through to him. It still hasn't really changed. They

know the danger but are oblivious to it as well. It's like my bestfriends dd

walked right up to the deep end of the pool and just walked right in even though

she knew it was over her head and she couldn't swim. I don't know a solution

other than hold on tight, keep our eyes wide open and keep explaining over and

over and over...

Liz S <lizs.1234@...> wrote: He does know he's supposed to stop &

look when he crosses the street. But if he decides he gonna cross it, &

something on the other side has really got him excited....he's GONE. Of coarse

we explain what dangerous rule he has broken & punish after he crosses without

looking. And in parking lots we hold his hand 90% of the time, but he will

sometimes break away & chase what he has his mind set on. Like he did this

morning at Lowe's.

I will continue explaining what he needs to do & hold on to him as tightly as I

can, but it's exhausting! I also have a three year old who seems to be having

" issues " beyond the norm, whom I have to keep safe too. I feel like this is too

much sometimes! It's so much easier to just keep them in the house & play with

them in our backyard rather than venturing out into the big, bad world.

Liz

Houston

Liz Bohn <lbohn@...> wrote:

For now, you hold his hand, and EVERY TIME you cross the street with

him, you say the exact same words. " STOP. LOOK LEFT. LOOK RIGHT. LOOK

LEFT AGAIN. NOW CROSS. " Or whatever your version of that is. Just be

sure that you always use the exact same words every time. It'll make

it easier for him to internalize it. We did that until was

about 15. He is still uncomfortable about crossing complicated

streets, such as the one in front of our apartment building. It is

very busy, and it involves dodging cars to get across. I have advised

him to cross at the crosswalk down the street a ways.

Liz

On Dec 22, 2006, at 2:25 PM, lizs.1234 wrote:

> My son has always required extra special attention in parking lots. He

> never understood the dangers of a car hitting him. He would see a bird

> or butterfly & chase it. So we have always held his hand in parking

> lots with the force of the Jaws of Life! He's not the type of kid who

> you can shout, " Nick here's a car, come back NOW! " He just wouldn't

> come back.

> So now at age 7 (8 years in August) I thought he was better in parking

> lots but found he was almost killed in front of my eyes this morning.

> I was holding his hand, he broke loose & I grabbed his shirt & pulled

> him back into me with about 1-2 inches to spare from the bumper of a

> moving car.

> Will I be holding his hand as a teenager? When will this get better?

> He's " mild " with his AS, but also has ADHD....which adds to his

> impulsivity.

> Any advice on this? Or just share your similar experiences. (Misery

> loves company!)

>

> Thanks,

> Liz

> Houston

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I completely understand what you are talking about. My AS ADHD 6

year old has been dangerous in parking lots since she started

walking. I have two other kids to watch too. I feel the same

aprehension you feel when your child opens the car door. I just

keep trying to drill it into her head. As Dori in Nemo would

say, " Just keep swimming, just keep swimming... "

>

> > My son has always required extra special attention in parking

lots. He

> > never understood the dangers of a car hitting him. He would see

a bird

> > or butterfly & chase it. So we have always held his hand in

parking

> > lots with the force of the Jaws of Life! He's not the type of

kid who

> > you can shout, " Nick here's a car, come back NOW! " He just

wouldn't

> > come back.

> > So now at age 7 (8 years in August) I thought he was better in

parking

> > lots but found he was almost killed in front of my eyes this

morning.

> > I was holding his hand, he broke loose & I grabbed his shirt &

pulled

> > him back into me with about 1-2 inches to spare from the bumper

of a

> > moving car.

> > Will I be holding his hand as a teenager? When will this get

better?

> > He's " mild " with his AS, but also has ADHD....which adds to his

> > impulsivity.

> > Any advice on this? Or just share your similar experiences.

(Misery

> > loves company!)

> >

> > Thanks,

> > Liz

> > Houston

> >

> >

> >

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son (4) doesn't get the danger involved either, so last week after

we 'hit' a deer that was hit by the car in front of us I tried to get

him to understand, yet again. At the time I thought it was a good

idea, but have since been told by friends that maybe I went

overboard~! Sometimes with my Caleb, that is the only way to help

him understand. Anyway the next morning we went out to the driveway

and I showed him the car and the marks left behind from the deer,

there was no damage...just blood, fur and deer 'stuff'. I explained

that even though he thinks he will bounce like a ball if hit by a car

that a person would hurt just like a deer. I said " see the

blood? " " Yup " he said. Then I showed him the fur and other stuff

and said if we get hit our body will break apart like the deer. " see

that there? " I pointed to some 'stuff'. " Yup " , he replied. I

continued, " that hair was on the deer, and that, (I pointed again)

could have been his eye~! " He just turned and looked at me, " I gonna

always look mom! " Then two days later at my doctor's he had a huge

meltdown over choosing a sticker or a sucker. The entire office

appeared to be appauled at either his behavior or my not controlling

him. The situation quickly escalated when I tried to hold him to

calm him and he flipped out. He ran down the staircase, through the

lobby and out the front door...right into the parking lot without

looking. I carumba~! By the time I got to the car with my 3 and 5

year old I was upset and 'defeated'. I don't think I will ever go to

the doctor with those kids of mine again~! Michele

>

> My son has always required extra special attention in parking

lots. He

> never understood the dangers of a car hitting him. He would see a

bird

> or butterfly & chase it. So we have always held his hand in

parking

> lots with the force of the Jaws of Life! He's not the type of kid

who

> you can shout, " Nick here's a car, come back NOW! " He just

wouldn't

> come back.

> So now at age 7 (8 years in August) I thought he was better in

parking

> lots but found he was almost killed in front of my eyes this

morning.

> I was holding his hand, he broke loose & I grabbed his shirt &

pulled

> him back into me with about 1-2 inches to spare from the bumper of

a

> moving car.

> Will I be holding his hand as a teenager? When will this get

better?

> He's " mild " with his AS, but also has ADHD....which adds to his

> impulsivity.

> Any advice on this? Or just share your similar experiences.

(Misery

> loves company!)

>

> Thanks,

> Liz

> Houston

>

[Guest guest]

I just wanted to say thank you to all the responses to my post. I picked up

some safety tips and now don't feel so alone in my plight!

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