Re: Birthday party blues/Kim

February 22, 2007

Kim,

I didn't say anything about halos or angels or perfect love.

You put all that in yourself.

My email said 'proud ' and I wrote that email to try to convey that I was

sick to death of apologizing for the behaviors of my son, and I'm not going to

do it anymore. I'm going to be as proud as any other mom. maybe more so.

I'm done being angry and negative just because my son has a

disability......and yeah, we have alot on our plates and I would never try to

make any parent on this list to feel they should be doing more,

I think you misread my email and most of all, my intentions.

Wether or not our child's disability is obvious or not, we can still be proud.

Why not?

tanna

Re: ( ) Birthday party blues

>

> ,Liz..... I have been to this party many times too. It hurts so

much.

> I am right now thinking of a woman I admire, I don't even know her

first name. But her son is a cripple and used to be in a wheelchair

but thanks to many surgeries he can now walk very slowly and

haltingly. He will never run or play or anything like that. But

anyhow.......this woman, this mother, she is so beautiful, tall and

stunning to see. It's more than just she's beautiful on the

outside....she strikes me as even more handsome on the inside and I

cannot explain it. But she walks into the room like this sweet ray of

sunshine, and she hugs her child as though he were the perfection of

life. She is soooooo proud of him and it is something you instantly

notice. And it makes me feel proud of him also, like he's some kind of

treasure. I've been with her at school christmas doings and other get

togethers and this woman impresses me.

> I told my husband that I want to get to where she is concerning her

sons' disabilities. I want to be that proud of him. I want to have

that impression on others and on my son, so everyone can see he is my

everything. I love him with everything in me. Why can't we show that

to the world.....and then they can see what we see.....they can see my

mothers' love flowing out and my pride in him as well.

> I just want to be her.....I want to mother like that.

> I do not know why I would shrivel up and feel embarrassed or cheated

or feel like crying for my son's sake. My son don't feel that way. Why

do I? It must be my own pride issue or some odd thing? My own

insecurities maybe. Maybe this woman is just more confident than I am

and it is showing.

> I think she is the best momma that I want to be someday, when I get

over myself, and start counting all my sons' good points and stop

comparing him to others, and instead point out his greatness around

other moms the way they do it to me.

> Some day I'm going to breeze into a room and ask where is my most

handsome and gifted son and did he have a great time!

> I will openly brag about him....

> I'm working on it.

> I need to start with what is great.....like his good looks, his good

grades, he's good at video games, he is a walking calculator, he is a

good story teller.....

> come to think of it, most parents would be proud of these things.

Wouldn't they?

> Lets talk some more about how we feel about our kid's social

disabilities when they are at parties, church, etc. And let us tell

each other all the great things our children can do. And we can

instill in ourselves a pride that matches this love that we all know

that we have. A love so deep and so protective that we would do

anything for them....how do we start to show this love in public

instead of asking for forgiveness all the time.

> tanna [sorry so long!! I'm long winded!! lol]

February 22, 2007

Tanna-

You are right, I added a lot of stuff in, and although there was

hostility in my email it was not directed at you at all, more at the

situation. Sorry, I am just going through a bad time right now and

your message just triggered some feelings I was already having. I

think I actually meant to agree with you, that we should be proud of

what our kids *can* do -- I just didn't like the comparison to another

mom who appeared to be handling her son's disability better. I am

proud of what my son can do. It's just that not one of my friends

understands what I am going through, because my son 'looks normal to

them. " I am having a hard time dealing with interactions with these

friends. Whenever I have opened up to them about how difficult it is,

they just diminish my son's issues. And I am sick of hearing them

complain about their NT kids.

So anyway, sorry if it sounded in anyway like i was attacking your

post. I am just not done working through my own negativity about our

situation I guess.

-kim

>

> Kim,

> I didn't say anything about halos or angels or perfect love.

> You put all that in yourself.

> My email said 'proud ' and I wrote that email to try to convey

that I was sick to death of apologizing for the behaviors of my son,

and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm going to be as proud as any

other mom. maybe more so.

> I'm done being angry and negative just because my son has a

disability......and yeah, we have alot on our plates and I would never

try to make any parent on this list to feel they should be doing more,

> I think you misread my email and most of all, my intentions.

> Wether or not our child's disability is obvious or not, we can still

be proud. Why not?

> tanna

>

February 22, 2007

Dear Kim,

I " got " what you were trying to convey; you were actually

acknowledging similar emotions: We ALL love our kids very much and we

all worry.

Parenting is a very intense and challenging undertaking in the best

of circumstances. It is not an easy task being the defender of our

beloved children, nor to witness when they flounder.

I've been mom to both a child with significant outward disability and

to another whose deficit is invisible to most. Both pose their own

unique challenges. I've often felt sorry for my son who is less

disabled because he does WANT to fit in, but doesn't know how to. He

is an easy target of peers as people are more prone to ridicule

someone with weak social skills rather than someone wearing leg

braces, for example. People, even children, develop a strong

awareness of political correctness and usually adhere to it. However,

that is not to say that severely challenged people are excluded from

prejudice, it just is not as publicly tolerated.

Believe with all your might that you are where you need to be. Our

children are all beautiful and loved regardless of the challenges.

Some people may, for outward appearance, be better equipped at

handling life's scenarios, but we all have our moments and special

skills. No problems should be viewed as more significant to one

person from another because every hurt strikes at our heart with

unique intensity... A parent's love. IMHO

> >

> > Kim,

> > I didn't say anything about halos or angels or perfect love.

> > You put all that in yourself.

> > My email said 'proud ' and I wrote that email to try to

convey

> that I was sick to death of apologizing for the behaviors of my son,

> and I'm not going to do it anymore. I'm going to be as proud as any

> other mom. maybe more so.

> > I'm done being angry and negative just because my son has a

> disability......and yeah, we have alot on our plates and I would

never

> try to make any parent on this list to feel they should be doing

more,

> > I think you misread my email and most of all, my intentions.

> > Wether or not our child's disability is obvious or not, we can

still

> be proud. Why not?

> > tanna

> >

>

February 22, 2007

Kim,

I know exactly what you mean. There are days when I want to video tape my son

at home so that I can show it to all those people we deal with who think he's

just a quiet shy kid. Because our son looks so " normal " to a lot of people they

often don't realise how much he struggles with day to day life. He seems on the

outside like he's coping but then he gets home and he's a wreck.

beck

( ) Re: Birthday party blues/Kim