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My husband and I adopted our daughter 7 years ago, she turns 10 on

Sunday, she as Aspergers Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fetal Alcohol

Syndrome, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia and Frontal Lobe Brain Damage. We knew

nothing of these when we adopted here, so I sometimes think I got in

over my head, but her violence and complete refusal to listen is just

sometimes too much to handle. My husband is away 6 days a week so

it's just me. So my question to everyone DOES IT GET EASIER AS THEY

GET OLDER. I personally think it's getting harder. Just a little

glips would be great. I get NO support from the School, or any outside

agency, In NYS they go purely on the child IQ. She's not even getting

remedial help in school. I am tempted to move to a different state.

Can someone give me a glips of hope that all will get better???

KathyJo

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KathyJo - My son is much younger than your daughter, so some of your

question I am not qualified to answer. In fact, I have been

wondering the same thing as a new member of the group, so I will

value the responses that are made to your post. But we also live in

NYS. We are in preschool now. We contacted our board ed, the

commiitee on (preschool) special education, and have undergone a

series of evaluations to determine what services we are eligible

for. I know they are mandated to do it for school age kids as

well. The host of evaluators that we have seen indicated that the

school committees look at overall scores and not always the nuances

of the testing. In our case, my son would score off the charts well

in his identification tasks & name every boat type ever built, but

couldn't identify " what goes on the water " . (as an example) As a

result, he would score a total of 50% (again, for example) But

there is a huge diffrence between a kid that has a steady 50

average, and a kid that gets there by having a 100% and 0% (if you

know what I mean). So, they said that when they wrote their reports

to the " committee " , they had to carefully explain the nuances of the

testing and " politic " for our son. They said that there reports

were always written to qualify kids for services. They are actually

the ones that handed me our first handout on aspergers and started

the ball rolling.

So, we can qualify for free preschool tuition, at a super private

preschool, where my son was already enrolled. The special ed folks

indicated that we would want to talk again when the 4 year old

preschool and kindergarten enrollment was coming up, and that

different schools might be in order that would better werve our son

(they meant different suburban or private schools, not

necessarily " special needs " schools. WHere in NYS are you? You can

reply offline if necessary. Or you can just move to Buffalo.

Welcome to the sunny left coast of NYS! ;)

>

> My husband and I adopted our daughter 7 years ago, she turns 10 on

> Sunday, she as Aspergers Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fetal

Alcohol

> Syndrome, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia and Frontal Lobe Brain Damage. We

knew

> nothing of these when we adopted here, so I sometimes think I got

in

> over my head, but her violence and complete refusal to listen is

just

> sometimes too much to handle. My husband is away 6 days a week so

> it's just me. So my question to everyone DOES IT GET EASIER AS

THEY

> GET OLDER. I personally think it's getting harder. Just a little

> glips would be great. I get NO support from the School, or any

outside

> agency, In NYS they go purely on the child IQ. She's not even

getting

> remedial help in school. I am tempted to move to a different

state.

>

> Can someone give me a glips of hope that all will get better???

>

> KathyJo

>

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Wish I could wav a magic wand for you. When my son

(who has AS) was in a car accident and suffered TBI

(Tramatic Brain injury) the neuo psych tol me I would

never have the same kid back at the most I could hope

for 90% . Harsh words but I guess I learned to be glad

for what I have. Takes alot of work & patience. I

always want the ploariod fix you know like can I get

the solution now. These are things I deal with.

Hopwe things get better for you. I have found that the

more questions I ask the more help I get.

cynide

--- snr_mom <ghoward@...> wrote:

> KathyJo - My son is much younger than your daughter,

> so some of your

> question I am not qualified to answer. In fact, I

> have been

> wondering the same thing as a new member of the

> group, so I will

> value the responses that are made to your post. But

> we also live in

> NYS. We are in preschool now. We contacted our

> board ed, the

> commiitee on (preschool) special education, and have

> undergone a

> series of evaluations to determine what services we

> are eligible

> for. I know they are mandated to do it for school

> age kids as

> well. The host of evaluators that we have seen

> indicated that the

> school committees look at overall scores and not

> always the nuances

> of the testing. In our case, my son would score off

> the charts well

> in his identification tasks & name every boat type

> ever built, but

> couldn't identify " what goes on the water " . (as an

> example) As a

> result, he would score a total of 50% (again, for

> example) But

> there is a huge diffrence between a kid that has a

> steady 50

> average, and a kid that gets there by having a 100%

> and 0% (if you

> know what I mean). So, they said that when they

> wrote their reports

> to the " committee " , they had to carefully explain

> the nuances of the

> testing and " politic " for our son. They said that

> there reports

> were always written to qualify kids for services.

> They are actually

> the ones that handed me our first handout on

> aspergers and started

> the ball rolling.

>

> So, we can qualify for free preschool tuition, at a

> super private

> preschool, where my son was already enrolled. The

> special ed folks

> indicated that we would want to talk again when the

> 4 year old

> preschool and kindergarten enrollment was coming up,

> and that

> different schools might be in order that would

> better werve our son

> (they meant different suburban or private schools,

> not

> necessarily " special needs " schools. WHere in NYS

> are you? You can

> reply offline if necessary. Or you can just move to

> Buffalo.

> Welcome to the sunny left coast of NYS! ;)

>

>

> >

> > My husband and I adopted our daughter 7 years ago,

> she turns 10 on

> > Sunday, she as Aspergers Reactive Attachment

> Disorder, Fetal

> Alcohol

> > Syndrome, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia and Frontal Lobe

> Brain Damage. We

> knew

> > nothing of these when we adopted here, so I

> sometimes think I got

> in

> > over my head, but her violence and complete

> refusal to listen is

> just

> > sometimes too much to handle. My husband is away

> 6 days a week so

> > it's just me. So my question to everyone DOES IT

> GET EASIER AS

> THEY

> > GET OLDER. I personally think it's getting

> harder. Just a little

> > glips would be great. I get NO support from the

> School, or any

> outside

> > agency, In NYS they go purely on the child IQ.

> She's not even

> getting

> > remedial help in school. I am tempted to move to

> a different

> state.

> >

> > Can someone give me a glips of hope that all will

> get better???

> >

> > KathyJo

> >

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

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  • 3 weeks later...

I am late in replying so if someone has already comments on this, ignore me.

<g> New York is still in the USA last time I looked so you should be receiving

help in some aspect. I know sometimes they like to use IQ as an indicator for

some social services. But sometimes that is bypassed when the child has a

developmental disability like autism or Asperger's. I have found that here in

Ohio, they like to ignore the kids who are not MR but you have to challenge that

and ask to see the rule book. So when you get told " no " - ask to see their

policies. Ask how one can file an appeal. And do so!

At the public school level, they cannot refuse to provide special ed services

solely based on her IQ. My kids are not MR and they all have IEPs. Try to

connect with other parents in similar situations in your town or county. Is

there an autism group? A special education group? A disability support group?

Connect with them and you will learn things and meet people and find out about

services that you may be able to access.

Roxanna

( ) I'm new and DOES IT GET BETTER

My husband and I adopted our daughter 7 years ago, she turns 10 on

Sunday, she as Aspergers Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fetal Alcohol

Syndrome, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia and Frontal Lobe Brain Damage. We knew

nothing of these when we adopted here, so I sometimes think I got in

over my head, but her violence and complete refusal to listen is just

sometimes too much to handle. My husband is away 6 days a week so

it's just me. So my question to everyone DOES IT GET EASIER AS THEY

GET OLDER. I personally think it's getting harder. Just a little

glips would be great. I get NO support from the School, or any outside

agency, In NYS they go purely on the child IQ. She's not even getting

remedial help in school. I am tempted to move to a different state.

Can someone give me a glips of hope that all will get better???

KathyJo

------------------------------------------------------------------------------

No virus found in this incoming message.

Checked by AVG Free Edition.

Version: 7.1.407 / Virus Database: 268.13.0/465 - Release Date: 10/6/2006

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Kathy Jo: There are some additonal battles you have with your

daughter's Frontal lobe injury-see that's where processing of emotions

is. SO that may be escalalting the other diagnoses.

She should qualify for some type of sepcial Ed services based on the

medical diagnosis of brain injury. Although I would probably seek 504

accommodations as opposed to IEP and its goals. Come to think of it,

IEP might be worth effort for Behavioral assessment. Ask your school

district or Special ed services coordinator for help there.

Meds may help or may make things worse (thery're usually stimulants).

But teaching approprite behavior could certainly help- look around 'Net

for behavior therapy or ABA therapy. Good luck.

-Ann (new to diagnosis and group)

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I second what Roxanna said. My son's IQ is very high and he had an

IEP, too. I had to sue the school district to get it, though. It was

definitely worthwhile. It got him into a program for bright kids with

learning disabilities, which was great. (until high school, when it

was not so great)

I would encourage you to find out when your local CHADD (children

and adults with ADD) group meets and attend a meeting. They have a

wealth of information and resources. That's where I found my lawyer,

for example.

Good luck, Liz

On Oct 20, 2006, at 7:34 PM, Roxanna wrote:

> I am late in replying so if someone has already comments on this,

> ignore me. <g> New York is still in the USA last time I looked so

> you should be receiving help in some aspect. I know sometimes they

> like to use IQ as an indicator for some social services. But

> sometimes that is bypassed when the child has a developmental

> disability like autism or Asperger's. I have found that here in

> Ohio, they like to ignore the kids who are not MR but you have to

> challenge that and ask to see the rule book. So when you get told

> " no " - ask to see their policies. Ask how one can file an appeal.

> And do so!

>

> At the public school level, they cannot refuse to provide special

> ed services solely based on her IQ. My kids are not MR and they all

> have IEPs. Try to connect with other parents in similar situations

> in your town or county. Is there an autism group? A special

> education group? A disability support group? Connect with them and

> you will learn things and meet people and find out about services

> that you may be able to access.

>

> Roxanna

> ( ) I'm new and DOES IT GET BETTER

>

> My husband and I adopted our daughter 7 years ago, she turns 10 on

> Sunday, she as Aspergers Reactive Attachment Disorder, Fetal Alcohol

> Syndrome, Dyslexia, Dysgraphia and Frontal Lobe Brain Damage. We knew

> nothing of these when we adopted here, so I sometimes think I got in

> over my head, but her violence and complete refusal to listen is just

> sometimes too much to handle. My husband is away 6 days a week so

> it's just me. So my question to everyone DOES IT GET EASIER AS THEY

> GET OLDER. I personally think it's getting harder. Just a little

> glips would be great. I get NO support from the School, or any outside

> agency, In NYS they go purely on the child IQ. She's not even getting

> remedial help in school. I am tempted to move to a different state.

>

> Can someone give me a glips of hope that all will get better???

>

> KathyJo

>

> ----------------------------------------------------------

>

> No virus found in this incoming message.

> Checked by AVG Free Edition.

> Version: 7.1.407 / Virus Database: 268.13.0/465 - Release Date:

> 10/6/2006

>

>

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My son, who is in tenth grade, was just found eligible for an IEP. He was

evaluated and his IQ was in the High Average to Superior ranges. He failed

several classes last year and was beginning to head down that path this school

year. They wanted to prove him eligible as behaviorally disorder, but I

refused. He is under OHI right at this moment, but I'm trying to figure out

why

they wouldn't put him under the Autism category. Pam :)

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It depends on the state. What state are you in? In California you need not

even have a diagnosis of autism in order to qualify under autism. The

education code stipulates that the student need only be " autistic like " and

they

list some of the indicators. I would guess that if they classify him under

autistic then this would open the door to further evaluations under the speech

category, such as pragmatic language, and this would require inteventions and

speech services so this would cost more. This is only a guess. Hard to

know what some school personnel think when they think of our kids...or if they

even think at all.

Connie Ajay

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Why does the school come up with OHI? I do not understand this. Is

it some general category? I am curious.

Mark

>

> My son, who is in tenth grade, was just found eligible for an

IEP. He was

> evaluated and his IQ was in the High Average to Superior ranges.

He failed

> several classes last year and was beginning to head down that path

this school

> year. They wanted to prove him eligible as behaviorally

disorder, but I

> refused. He is under OHI right at this moment, but I'm trying to

figure out why

> they wouldn't put him under the Autism category. Pam :)

>

>

>

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ROTFL....too bad it's not really funny at all.

Jackie

On Oct 21, 2006, at 9:02 PM, Belt3@... wrote:

> Hard to

> know what some school personnel think when they think of our

> kids...or if they

> even think at all.

>

>

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Hi my son got diagnose with Asd last year, and Milwaukee Public School put him

under OHI , and also has under autism too. OHI is first . He gets no

services . He is in high school. Donna Rabe (mother )

mark colditz <markdebc@...> wrote: Why does the school come up

with OHI? I do not understand this. Is

it some general category? I am curious.

Mark

>

> My son, who is in tenth grade, was just found eligible for an

IEP. He was

> evaluated and his IQ was in the High Average to Superior ranges.

He failed

> several classes last year and was beginning to head down that path

this school

> year. They wanted to prove him eligible as behaviorally

disorder, but I

> refused. He is under OHI right at this moment, but I'm trying to

figure out why

> they wouldn't put him under the Autism category. Pam :)

>

>

>

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I am sad to hear this. OHI must stand for Other Health Impaired

(when I do a search that is what comes up). Surely, the school

district will come up services for your son. My son is HFA/Asperger

and when I hear that a young man is struggling in school because of

a neurological difference.........I know how you feel and what it is

like in the family.

Can you take him to a medical person who can diagnose him? We did

it to show the school of his disability. I also understand that you

can force (in Texas we call it an IEP, Individual Education

Plan).....though the school district may not budge or may drag its

feet, you are getting the ball rolling. If you are wary, you can

also request someone to be with you who can advocate.

Just some thoughts and ideas.

Mark Colditz

Carrollton, Texas

18 year old, Asperger son, first semester in a Community College in

Dallas

(he really really struggled through high school, so I truly relate!!)

> >

> > My son, who is in tenth grade, was just found eligible for an

> IEP. He was

> > evaluated and his IQ was in the High Average to Superior ranges.

> He failed

> > several classes last year and was beginning to head down that

path

> this school

> > year. They wanted to prove him eligible as behaviorally

> disorder, but I

> > refused. He is under OHI right at this moment, but I'm trying to

> figure out why

> > they wouldn't put him under the Autism category. Pam :)

> >

> >

> >

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Hi Mark...I wasn't sure if your post was addressing me or the other poster.

My son has been diagnosed with Asperger's since he was 4 years old. He has

had a 504 since 4th grade. His downhill slide began in 6th grade when he had

a horrible experience with a teacher who didn't " believe " he had autism and

did some totally inappropriate things to him. After a terrible school year

last year (9th), the guidance counselor was finally convinced he needed an

IEP. I am definitely going to challenge the OHI category. I should know this

because I work as a family support coordinator, but I think I was so taken

back at the mention of " behaviorally disordered " that I choked. It clearly

states that the category of Autism includes PDD, Asperger's, Rett's and

Disintegrative Disorder, under eligibility categories in IDEA. Also, in our RI

regulations it even states " Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm just wondering if

putting him as OHI means they don't have to offer services related to Autism.

His IEP will be very specific. He only needs support in getting homework done

and organization. He doesn't need any kind of therapy (except

individual/psychological) or resource. Pam :)

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I don't think it gets " better " per se, but it changes. There are

always new challenges that replace old ones.

You just have to take it moment by moment, hour by hour and day by

day.

Hang in there.

Dawn

> > Hard to

> > know what some school personnel think when they think of our

> > kids...or if they

> > even think at all.

> >

> >

>

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IMHO, I think it is us who have to get better, I took my ds who is almost 6 back

to

the Dr. as I have noticed his symptoms are more pronounced and he said they

will

get more pronounced as he gets older. (social situations get more complex)

It is good to know and get prepared for it.

kim

Dawn <AlpacaHope@...> wrote:

I don't think it gets " better " per se, but it changes. There are

always new challenges that replace old ones.

You just have to take it moment by moment, hour by hour and day by

day.

Hang in there.

Dawn

> > Hard to

> > know what some school personnel think when they think of our

> > kids...or if they

> > even think at all.

> >

> >

>

---------------------------------

Stay in the know. Pulse on the new .com. Check it out.

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Pam,

I relate to you and hope you get some support in your IEP and your

school district. It is very important to see if you can get social

skill benefits or advocacy. I think many parents focus much on

school and grades, but the schools miss the fact that our children

suffer because they have poor social skills.

You may want to explore options. I can post some ideas if you want

from a book I am reading. I seldom see things like this discussed on

, but I believe it could be brought into school

districts.

Sadly, I would hope that the school district could assign a friend to

your son or a classmate that could help him when he struggles. This

is such a simple request, but it seems this type requests gets

ignored by schools.

:>)

Mark

>

> Hi Mark...I wasn't sure if your post was addressing me or the

other poster.

> My son has been diagnosed with Asperger's since he was 4 years

old. He has

> had a 504 since 4th grade. His downhill slide began in 6th grade

when he had

> a horrible experience with a teacher who didn't " believe " he had

autism and

> did some totally inappropriate things to him. After a terrible

school year

> last year (9th), the guidance counselor was finally convinced he

needed an

> IEP. I am definitely going to challenge the OHI category. I

should know this

> because I work as a family support coordinator, but I think I was

so taken

> back at the mention of " behaviorally disordered " that I choked.

It clearly

> states that the category of Autism includes PDD, Asperger's, Rett's

and

> Disintegrative Disorder, under eligibility categories in IDEA.

Also, in our RI

> regulations it even states " Autism Spectrum Disorder. I'm just

wondering if

> putting him as OHI means they don't have to offer services related

to Autism.

> His IEP will be very specific. He only needs support in getting

homework done

> and organization. He doesn't need any kind of therapy (except

> individual/psychological) or resource. Pam :)

>

>

>

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I agree with Kim.......the social complexities our ASD children will

experience is incredibly difficult........inflections, pauses,

boredom, faking interest, interacting, conversations, small talk,

silence, being attentive, non-verbal, sharing ideas with another

child/peer. These are huge issues.

Succeeding in homework is good, but getting ASD loved ones to develop

relations is truly the ultimate goal IMHO.

Mark

> > > Hard to

> > > know what some school personnel think when they think of our

> > > kids...or if they

> > > even think at all.

> > >

> > >

> >

>

>

>

>

>

>

> ---------------------------------

> Stay in the know. Pulse on the new .com. Check it out.

>

>

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What is OHI? I am attempting to get an IEP meeting set up for my son who is in

8th grade and just diagnosed. Please help!!

Trently

Accounts Payable

NDI of land, Inc.

ttrently@...

1-800-892-1454 ext. 1072

Re: ( ) I'm new and DOES IT GET BETTER

Hi my son got diagnose with Asd last year, and Milwaukee Public School put him

under OHI , and also has under autism too. OHI is first . He gets no services .

He is in high school. Donna Rabe (mother )

mark colditz < markdebccomcast (DOT) <mailto:markdebc%40comcast.net> net> wrote: Why

does the school come up with OHI? I do not understand this. Is

it some general category? I am curious.

Mark

>

> My son, who is in tenth grade, was just found eligible for an

IEP. He was

> evaluated and his IQ was in the High Average to Superior ranges.

He failed

> several classes last year and was beginning to head down that path

this school

> year. They wanted to prove him eligible as behaviorally

disorder, but I

> refused. He is under OHI right at this moment, but I'm trying to

figure out why

> they wouldn't put him under the Autism category. Pam :)

>

>

>

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My son is 15 years old now, and I think it *does* get better in time. Yes, as

the kids go

from being very young children to the middle grades of grade school things do

get

worse--because the neurotypical kids develop better and better social skills at

such a fast

rate and also become less tolerant of people who are different. But high school

has been a

positive experience for my son so far. We've found effective help from

medication and

social skills therapy. The kids around him are maturing and are developing

empathy and

more tolerance again. He's starting to learn to manage himself better than he

could when

he was younger and his emotions just washed over him. He's more able to take

control of

organizational problems. He still needs a lot of help, and I *wish* it was in

my power to

find just one good friend for him because that's the one thing that still really

makes him

unhappy, but things definitely look more promising than they did when he was 8

or 9

years old. We still have the major hurdle of getting him established in a

productive life

ahead of us, and I can't help worrying about all the challenges that will

present, but, at

least in Ian's case, I think he's eventually going to wind up in a satisfactory

place. Give

your children all the shelter and support you can during the difficult years,

and trust that

their strengths will stand them in good stead later in life. That's my policy

for all my

children, and, so far, it seems to be a sound one. (I do have to admit that I

definitely

worried for years that things would never improve enough, but I'm finding I was

wrong

about that, so now I'm hopeful for the future.)

Sue

16, NT

Ian 15, AS/BP/Tourette's

Liz 13, BP/ADD

11, BP

Evan 8, BP/ADHD

> IMHO, I think it is us who have to get better, I took my ds who is almost 6

back to

> the Dr. as I have noticed his symptoms are more pronounced and he said they

will

> get more pronounced as he gets older. (social situations get more complex)

>

> It is good to know and get prepared for it.

>

> kim

>

> Dawn <AlpacaHope@...> wrote:

> I don't think it gets " better " per se, but it changes. There are

> always new challenges that replace old ones.

>

> You just have to take it moment by moment, hour by hour and day by

> day.

>

> Hang in there.

>

> Dawn

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Mark I would be interested in any suggestions you may have. My son is very

tricky, because he does not present as classically Asperger's. He has lots

of friends, but I do question what he gets out of the friendships. He is very

isolative at home. He is intereseted in music and this is the forum where

he makes his friends. They have been long standing relationships. He is very

difficult to deal with at home in regards to limit setting, respectfulness

and being responsible for himself. Pam :)

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The problem that I have with my 13 yr old son is that he doesn't realize that

there is an issue. He thinks that every person that he meets is his best friend,

especially girls, and it breaks my heart!!

Trently

Accounts Payable

NDI of land, Inc.

ttrently@...

1-800-892-1454 ext. 1072

( ) Re: I'm new and DOES IT GET BETTER

My son is 15 years old now, and I think it *does* get better in time. Yes, as

the kids go

from being very young children to the middle grades of grade school things do

get

worse--because the neurotypical kids develop better and better social skills at

such a fast

rate and also become less tolerant of people who are different. But high school

has been a

positive experience for my son so far. We've found effective help from

medication and

social skills therapy. The kids around him are maturing and are developing

empathy and

more tolerance again. He's starting to learn to manage himself better than he

could when

he was younger and his emotions just washed over him. He's more able to take

control of

organizational problems. He still needs a lot of help, and I *wish* it was in my

power to

find just one good friend for him because that's the one thing that still really

makes him

unhappy, but things definitely look more promising than they did when he was 8

or 9

years old. We still have the major hurdle of getting him established in a

productive life

ahead of us, and I can't help worrying about all the challenges that will

present, but, at

least in Ian's case, I think he's eventually going to wind up in a satisfactory

place. Give

your children all the shelter and support you can during the difficult years,

and trust that

their strengths will stand them in good stead later in life. That's my policy

for all my

children, and, so far, it seems to be a sound one. (I do have to admit that I

definitely

worried for years that things would never improve enough, but I'm finding I was

wrong

about that, so now I'm hopeful for the future.)

Sue

16, NT

Ian 15, AS/BP/Tourette's

Liz 13, BP/ADD

11, BP

Evan 8, BP/ADHD

> IMHO, I think it is us who have to get better, I took my ds who is almost 6

back to

> the Dr. as I have noticed his symptoms are more pronounced and he said they

will

> get more pronounced as he gets older. (social situations get more complex)

>

> It is good to know and get prepared for it.

>

> kim

>

> Dawn <AlpacaHope@...> wrote:

> I don't think it gets " better " per se, but it changes. There are

> always new challenges that replace old ones.

>

> You just have to take it moment by moment, hour by hour and day by

> day.

>

> Hang in there.

>

> Dawn

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In a message dated 10/23/2006 4:42:31 PM Eastern Standard Time,

markdebc@... writes:

Cranston, Rhode Island

October 26 and 27, 2006

The Nuts and Bolts of Starting Social Thinking Programs;

Thinking About YOU Thinking About ME

Contact Cheryl: _cheryl@theautismprocheryl@t_

(mailto:cheryl@...)

401.785.2666

Yes Mark, this is my area. It is $99 for the two days. I might only be

able to go the first day. I'll keep you posted. :)

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