Hi, I'm new to the group and to the realm of Autism Spectrum

[Guest guest]

I am the mother of 4 great boys, one of which has had a lot of

difficulty with his behavior since he was 2 (he's 5 now). It kinda

started with him banging his head against the nearest thing to him

(tables, floors, walls, and other such scary to think of the damage

things like that...) and acting like even the most delicate touch was

painful. I had a hard time with that, cuz I love hugs and kisses...

We got him in with 0-3 when we lived in the Chicago area, and they

kept saying that although they didn't know what it was, there was

something there, and if he wasn't so darned outgoing and friendly,

they'd swear it was autism. But they agreed to come up with a plan

(although oddly it wasn't like an IEP) that included some play therapy

and some preschool time, but unfortunatly, we ended up having to move

before any real progress could be made.

Now to fill in the blanks. The pediatrician I had in Chicago kept

insisting that it was ADD and told me the usual blah blah about

limiting TV, sweets, etc. so, going on my previous experience as an

ADD kid myself, I decided we'd just go it alone, and not try drugs,

cuz ADD just means he's a little harder to deal with. Make him focus,

don't let him act out, run him like crazy all day long, right? lol

Nothing seemed to work, he never wanted to sleep. His first bedtime

was around 8 oclock, and we'd fight until 2 or 3 in the morning to get

him to go to sleep, and he'd wake up at 4 or 5, and destroy the house,

or worse... He ran away in the middle of the night once during the

winter wearing a t-shirt and a pullup... He also started displaying a

weird interest in hurting people. When this started, it started with

biting and he was 3 so I thought, alright, just normal kid stuff... NO

NO we don't bite, it hurts, would you want to be bit? then don't

bite. It got so bad that he was making his older brother not want to

come over anymore (older brother is from husbands previous marriage)

cuz Austen hurt him. I continued to believe that it was just ADD and

pent up energy until he started pinching and hitting his youngest

brother when he was just 6 months old...

By this point, we had moved to Oklahoma and I decided that as soon as

I found a doctor, I'd ask about this behavior and see if ADD wasn't

the best diagnosis. I sped things along, however, when one day after

I told him he couldn't go out to play because I was fixing to set

dinner on the table, Austen screamed and told me he was gonna chop me

up with a knife, and throw me all over the yard. I don't expose my

children to this sort of thing at all... They aren't allowed to watch

Power Rangers, Pokemon, or anything like that, let alone something

that would depict such heinous activities. I started calling around

to find a doctor who was accepting new patients, and when I got him

in, the doctor I found asked how his sleeping habits were... I

explained about the fighting till all hours of the night, and then him

waking up extremely early, and I was told that it was Bi Polar

disorder. Between my family history and my husband's family history,

this was also an acceptable diagnosis... My husband is actually

bipolar with psychotic features, so I was like cool, makes sense.

They started my son out on Risperdol and Depakote just in time to get

him into school. I was very pleased with the results, too. A calmer

child, who suddenly climbs up into my lap and begs for hugs and

kisses. It took 4 years to get this!! I was like Fantastic! There

was like 6 weeks left before we tried sic-ing him onto the public, and

I noticed a great difference. But when we got him into school, I

found out that the general public, not knowing what his worst had

been, didn't agree that it was acceptable.

The first day of school, we went to pick him up and when I got to the

classroom, I found out 2 things. School lets out at 3 pm means that

they're actually let out at 2:45 and the busses leave at 3, and my son

hadn't been in class since about 11 am. We didn't have cell phones

and we're both college students, so the principal had a hard time

contacting us to let us know that our son was a disruption to the

class, wouldn't take a nap and only missed out on getting swats

because it was the first day of school. He suggested that we go get

his meds upped. The doctor decided that perhaps it was ADD in

conjunction with the bipolar, so he gave us ritalin to try over the

weekend. Found out that without a doubt, my son is not ADD!!!! I

couldn't pull the poor child off the rafters!! He was all happy and

bouncy and I wanna go, wanna go go go one minute, and the next he was

screaming I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE!!! I was like, trust me, neither

can I!! lol He would try to sit down, and get about halfway there

and just have to jump up... you could see it on his face, he looked

like a frightened wild beast...

Two weeks of having the school call us out of class to come get him to

deal with him because we refused to let them give him swats convinced

us that maybe he didn't need to be in school anyway. We put him in

daycare and got him settled in there, and his therapist kept saying

that we needed to apply for disability and maybe even take him to see

a psychiatrist because she swore it was Aspergers Syndrome. While

waiting on the disability stuff to go through, and after months of at

least having an understanding daycare manager who would let Austen sit

in her office on his bad days and chat with her, we ended up having an

incident that they felt they just couldn't overlook (they had

overlooked him tearing up art projects, running out the doors, and

breaking a pair of sunglasses that belonged to one of the " teachers " )

.. The manager wasn't there one day, and the owner was filling in

which Austen wasn't used to and therefore didn't like. They were

trying to change tasks and he refused to do so quietly... when the

owner tried to redirect him, she says he picked up a chair and threw

it at her, and called her a name that is " adult only " (which I'm

ashamed to admit he learned from me...I've since learned to clean up

my language... ) and they kicked him out. I went to the school and

tried to get an IEP for him so they'd have to take him, but bipolar

just wasn't enough to convince them that he needed the special

attention... He was at or above all the cognitive skills they were

testing and therefor, we ended up just keeping him at home.

After dropping out for the semester, I decided we had to get to the

bottom of this. I called around, and found a psychiatrist 3 towns

over that took kids, and the moment Austen walked into the office, the

dr said, oh yeah, its aspergers, you can tell from his forehead...????

OK, so after all of that, here's my first question... REALLY??? I

didn't know there was any physical evidence, I mean, I think he looks

like a " normal " kid (what is that exactly, my " normal " kids cross

dress and actually eat the mudpies they make...lol I know this is

just fun for them, I'm not really passing judgement...lol)

My second question is that I've heard from other people in the medical

profession that Aspergers can't be diagnosed until teenage to adult

years... I heard there's something else about deviated behavior

something or another, but then there are the people who do seem to

think this is ok to diagnose... oh well...

My third question regards the safety of my other 3 boys. Its rare

now, but there are still times where Austen gets in this mood where he

wants to hurt them. I caught him a couple weeks ago sitting on top of

my 3 year old trying to choke him... What do you do when your maternal

instinct to stop someone from hurting your children has to be directed

towards another one of your own children? I've had to put a hinge lock

on my knife drawer, because I've caught him playing with them...

My next question is is anyone else's kids obsessed with rearranging

the furniture? not just little things either... Austen is constantly

taking the mattresses off what used to be their bunkbeds... I've since

taken them apart, because I figured out that one use for the mattress

was a make shift slide from the top bunk... yeah, so lesson learned

and luckily before anyone was able to hurt themselves... there are

now 2 regular sized twin beds in their room... but that made them

light enough to move around the room, flip upside down, stack in silly

ways, I swear, he's done it with the living room furniture too during

one of the times that I was making lunch or washing dishes or

something... and my 7 foot overstuffed couch is almost too heavy for

me to lift. lol but he does, he flips it, moves it around, etc. and

its not the kind of couch that has the easy move casters on it... I've

even gotten rubber patches to stick on the bottom trying to keep it

stationary... If he wasn't so scary strong and with a violent streak,

I'd think about putting him into weight lifting to try to focus him

some... I think I may have figured it out... My son doesn't have

Aspergers, he's the Incredible Hulk... lol

I'm figuring it out slowly but surely, frustrating as it is... I know

not to send him to his room when he's mad, cuz thats when he's most

likely to hurt his brothers... Instead I keep him with me and let him

beat me up... I try bear hugs, but if one of the other kids needs

something when I'm in the middle of it, and I'm alone, what do I do...

My younger two are too small to tell them handle it on your own...

I'm also trying to figure out this schedule thing... and if Austen has

any concept of the word " sorry " and what kind of bargaining chip I

have to try to improve his behavior... If I threaten to take toys

away, he says take them, and when I start to put them in the " away "

box, he helps and says he hates his toys. When I tell him that he

won't get to go somewhere (t-ball, park, store) he says fine, he hates

those places... and doesn't really give it a second thought... I don't

know if anyone here can help, but I'd really appreciate any advice you

could give. I hope I didn't portray him as a monster, cuz he really

isn't, he's fun to be around once you get used to the craziness of the

situation... He loves listening to 80's hair bands, and Kiss, and the

Beatles... and he can memorize anything with a tune really fast. It's

awesome to be walking somewhere and him hear a song and say, hey,

that's kiss momma... it just sucks when you have to take him away

from the music and he says with the same breath, I hate you, I don't

love you, you're not my mother... Ok, so If anyone actually reads

this, I'll be shocked.. I get a bit long winded when I have to explain

for the first time what an " Austen " is...lol but I hope you do and

maybe can give me some advice... I know that he's not the worst I

could have to deal with... I always feel blessed for that. Thanks for

listening. Aimee Ham