teasing

[Guest guest]

Cheryl -

Glad Hannah has someone to stick up for her!! That's such a help.

and oh yeah, I have a story.

When Jacqui first started to play with the kids next door, they were playing

on the trampoline and I would go out on my balcony so I could keep an ear open

to what was going on.

Well, jacqui likes to put things in her mouth and obviously put something in

her mouth other than food and someone must have said " Do you like to eat

X " and of course, Jacqui came back with " I like to eat X " ...well,

then they just kept offering her objects... " Jacqui, do you like to eat....Y " ?

and she thought this was a game, and would just giggle. didnt' make me giggle.

So I yelled over the balcony to Jacqui to come home, and she had a tantrum (Like

why mom, I'm have sooo much fun).

One of the kids said " Can Jacqui stay " ? and I said " Not if you're

going to make fun of her " .

that never happened again. and now they are all great friends. To everyone in

the neighborhood, she's just " jacqui " . - same with school...This year.

but it was a lot of hard work. I think as ever year goes by it's going to get

harder.

Penny-------------------------------------------------------- " Just remember this: Plenty of Horsepower, No Traction " - R. S. on

" If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer.Let him step to the music he hears, however measured or far away. " --Henry Thoreau

[Guest guest]

Becki tell him way to go lololol Robbin

[Guest guest]

Charlene,

I'm sorry. I should have read your answer again before I wrote back.

I just read your post. About the school investigating you because

said the word rape. It sounds like they are on a Witch Hunt

now. What is your husband saying about all this? I can't believe what

they are doing.

Peggy

[Guest guest]

It's probably a bigger deal to you and her friends than it is to her.

Matt

Teasing

> I have a 11 year old girl with hypochondroplasia. She started middle

> school last week and of course the teasing has begun.The problem is

> she has not told me. I picked her up from school the first day along

> with a friend, I asked her how it went and she told me it went good.

> Her friend is the one who told me girls were in the bathroom making

> fun of her saying " there's the midget "

> and laughing. I just found out from her cousin in another town that

> she e-mails that some boys smashed her at P.E. I am very upset and

> will call school tomorrow about what's going on. The problem is she

> never tells us. I've always told her from day one to let us know if

> anyone is teasing her or not to let anyone touch her. I just told her

> Thursday that it is very important to tell us if anyone lays a hand

> on her, she stated she would let us know. I can't understand why she

> doesn't tell us, is she trying to protect us? This just breaks my

> heart to know she is going through this teasing.I told her before

> school started that there would be mean kids like this. I hate this

> middle school age. Any suggestions?

>

>

>

>

> ===

>

[Guest guest]

First of all I am soo sorry she has to go through that! Middle

School was the absolute hardest for me as well! Middle school is a

weird experience in general since you have pre-teen/teen kids who

think since they are finally out of elementary school they know

everything and can do what they want. The teachers as well show

less sympathy it seemed and took the approach of " You deal with it

yourself " . I always tried to defend myself and I was the one

getting caught so I was the one always getting introuble.

You asked why she didn't tell you and Matt said maybe it doesn't

bother her as much. Well your daughter seems like a tough little

girl to me and I am suuuure it bothers her. Some of the reasons

could be she doesn't want to bother anyone about it, or she thinks

she can handle it herself, or maybe she is embarrased and hopes it

goes away. The only one who can really give you an answer is your

daughter. To me this goes with the posts about sending a letter home

to parents. Now I would not do that at this age or grade level but

what is needed is education. Again I am a full believer that kids

make fun of what they do not understand. They do not understand

your daughter or why she is that way so they will pick on her.

I would definately talk to the teachers ASAP and let them know that

they can NOT expect your daughter to tell them so THEY need to keep

an eye out for kids teasing her or slamming her. If they know who

the kids are that have teased her in the past then they need to talk

to those kids whether your daughter says something or not. I say

this because if she hasn't told you or her teachers yet even after

talking to her she still may not tell anyone. I know this from

experience, I was almost burnt by a sodering iron, had things thrown

at me when the teacher turned around, had a pen thrown at me which

missed my eye by a millimeter. Would I tell though? Nope! So again

my advice is really two things:

Talk to the teachers and let them know she may not say anything

but they need to be on the look out.

Second maybe she could give a presentation about dwarfism, I know

people are going to poo-poo this idea but again kids make fun of

what they don't know.

Your daughter is very lucky to have friends that will be there for

her and will tell you when your daughter won't. I wish you luck and

hope that this situation can get cleared up!

[Guest guest]

I HAVE to put in something on this one.

As a diastrophic middle school teacher (quite handicapped- but hell on

wheels!) and former middle school student (some 18-20 years ago!)- I have

gathered

some insight on the middle school/ dwarf middle schooler psyche. It really is a

tough one. I agree with (ESPECIALLY if PHYSICAL taunting is involved-

this is inexcusable, no matter who the student is)- you should talk with

teachers. Now, as a teacher, I have the knowledge that what you say to teachers

should not get back to other students AT ALL. the problem is, not all teachers

will remember this in their day-to-day thinking. they may slip up and say

something in front of other students. This could detriment your child. This I

remember from my own middle school experience- I wanted to be as normal as

possible.So, have a conference with the teachers- just remind them that is

between you

all. And you know, it doesn't have to be just about your child- teacher's

policy should be flat-out- no one gets teased or physically abused.

On the other hand....middle school is such a formative period- who DOESN " T

remember a humiliating moment from that time? We ALL have those moments- even

the " cool " kids. So, she does have to learn to arm herself with a voice- and

maybe a reputation - as a joke, mind you- of biting people's kneecaps! In other

words, a sense of humor about things. (please don't bash me everyone- I still

use this as a joke!)

I had my first day of school today- I laid into a kid from across the room

(didn't know him AT ALL yet- they had just entered the room!) This kid was

saying to another kid, " why are you in the sixth grade, you are TOO little... "

blah, blah- he made the mistake of saying that in my room. I said with my

teacher

voice " YOu will NEVER say anything like that in this room again! " The tardy

bell hadn't even rung yet! The class of 30 hushed right on up after that! Now, I

grant you, that was in front of the whole class- but it had nothing to do

with the " victim " - the " bully " could have been saying you're too fat- you're too

tall. I would have let him have it anyway. I am three feet tall- the voice is

powerful!

Anyway- long story short - you make a judgement when you need to step in.

I would advise any parent if their child was physically picked on (no matter a

dwarf or not)- report it, discuss with teachers. Verbal teasing- see if you

can get her to talk. Again, all parents should try to do this. But, she will

have to fight some of her own battles. Builds character- cheesy as it sounds-

it's true!

Gotta go to bed now- tomorrow is another day:)

Martha Stanley

[Guest guest]

HI...my name is and im a senior in high school....I know exactly what

your daughter is going thru...when i first entered junior high...i went from

about 100 kids in my elementary to 600 in junior high and that was a huge step

for me...the kids that went to grade school with me knew me and they were fine

with my shortness but all the other kids werent and yes i did get picked on and

called names and such but i never told anyone just because i thought i was

mature and running to my mom and telling her what was going on seemed juenvile

and made me seem young. So I just dealt with the people and handled them my

way...when my mom would confront me and ask me are you sure you are ok?..i would

get mad because she was bugging me and i didnt know how she knew i was getting

picked on but i still didnt say anything...Unless it seems that your daughter is

really down in the dumps about this and shes really depressed i dont think you

should worry about it because after everyone got over

me being short and they got to know me for who i am the teasing and name

calling stopped i mean as long as you live there will be some people that will

make fun of you but you are a dwarf and you have to deal with it but some of my

good friends now were the ones that made fun of me in 7th grade. The first

hurdle to get over is the Biggest one (which is people to know me as

rather then just a dwarf) and i have gone thru and once you get over it..its

really great and if you'd like i can talk to you personally or even your

daughter just to tell you that in time it will be fine and she will be able to

handle it.....

kats3girls231911 <kats3girls231911@...> wrote:I have a 11 year old girl

with hypochondroplasia. She started middle

school last week and of course the teasing has begun.The problem is

she has not told me. I picked her up from school the first day along

with a friend, I asked her how it went and she told me it went good.

Her friend is the one who told me girls were in the bathroom making

fun of her saying " there's the midget "

and laughing. I just found out from her cousin in another town that

she e-mails that some boys smashed her at P.E. I am very upset and

will call school tomorrow about what's going on. The problem is she

never tells us. I've always told her from day one to let us know if

anyone is teasing her or not to let anyone touch her. I just told her

Thursday that it is very important to tell us if anyone lays a hand

on her, she stated she would let us know. I can't understand why she

doesn't tell us, is she trying to protect us? This just breaks my

heart to know she is going through this teasing.I told her before

school started that there would be mean kids like this. I hate this

middle school age. Any suggestions?

[Guest guest]

Don't let it go or it might escalate. Find out about your school's policy

towards teasing and bullying. Your daughter, I'm guessing, does not want to

" make a big deal about it " because she may be afraid of retaliation from

her tormentors or their friends or maybe she simply doesn't want to focus

more attention onto herself. Especially if she perceives these kids as the

" popular kids " . You can call her counselor and let her know that there is a

problem. You might even want to make an appointment with the principal.

There are things the school can do besides " punishing " the kids. They can

watch and, if necessary call the kid aside and talk to them about how it

hurts your daughter and why they did what they did. Sometimes, just the

presence of the counselor or principal can do wonders. The counselor and

principal can also talk to your daughter and reassure her that the school

does not tolerate harassment and help her to learn how to be her own

advocate and how to not " play the victim " . It is wonderful that her friends

are upset by the teasing and stand up for her but eventually, she will have

to learn to handle things for herself in a mature manner.

You don't want her to learn to simply accept the teasing as part of her

life and feed into the negative attention it brings. Ideally, she will

learn when to stand up and take a stand and when to just ignore it. Taking

a stand takes courage and finesse and that she can learn from you, from the

school, and from her LPA friends.

Recent studies on bullying show that bullies tend to feed off the attention

or approval of others when they do the teasing. If the other students laugh

with them and don't tell them they are wrong, they are encouraged to

continue teasing.

Keep the lines of communication open with your daughter and the counselor

to see if things improve or not. Your school should have an anti-harassment

policy. The old-school philosophy that " kids will be kids " or " the kid that

is different just needs to toughen up " is a cop-out. Counselors and school

personnel now have tools and training at their disposal to deal with a

diverse student population and with harassing behavior.

When you talk to them, approach it calmly and let them know that you want

to work with them in solving the problem and have confidence in their

ability. If your daughter refuses to name names, that is ok. Just making

them aware of the problem is a good first step. Most likely, the

administration has no clue that there is a problem. Once aware, they should

become observant and take appropriate steps to help.

Good luck.

Ellen

At 09:31 AM 9/2/2003 -0700, you wrote:

>It's probably a bigger deal to you and her friends than it is to her.

>

>Matt

>

> Teasing

>

>

> > I have a 11 year old girl with hypochondroplasia. She started middle

> > school last week and of course the teasing has begun.The problem is

> > she has not told me. I picked her up from school the first day along

> > with a friend, I asked her how it went and she told me it went good.

> > Her friend is the one who told me girls were in the bathroom making

> > fun of her saying " there's the midget "

> > and laughing. I just found out from her cousin in another town that

> > she e-mails that some boys smashed her at P.E. I am very upset and

> > will call school tomorrow about what's going on. The problem is she

> > never tells us. I've always told her from day one to let us know if

> > anyone is teasing her or not to let anyone touch her. I just told her

> > Thursday that it is very important to tell us if anyone lays a hand

> > on her, she stated she would let us know. I can't understand why she

> > doesn't tell us, is she trying to protect us? This just breaks my

> > heart to know she is going through this teasing.I told her before

> > school started that there would be mean kids like this. I hate this

> > middle school age. Any suggestions?

> >

> >

> >

> >

> > ===

> >

[Guest guest]

Excellent post! Some think that principals and teachers are the end

all be all which is not true. When it comes to that point you have

to stand up for your child. Like I was to blame when I

defended myself and how the other kids never seemed to get caught

except me. I totally disagree with the thinking that " Well bullying

will happen, its a part of life, you have to except it. " Helllll

no! Bullying should NOT be a part of life and lp kids should NOT

have to accept it or put up with it. To me that makes victims and

bullys and that, well, the victim should just put up with it. Well

what about the bully???? How about the thinking be THEY should

change and we don't have to put up with being the victim. It also

goes with my point of having someone or the lp kid talk to the

class. I did a presentation on dwarfism in english class when I was

in 9th grade. Everyone loved it and they learned so much because

they didn't think it was right for them to come out and ask me. So

I totally disagree with everyone who says talking to the class or a

letter is sooo detrimental or bad. School is a two part thing;

physical - building modifications and social; talking to the

teachers AND talking to the students. To me if your missing one of

those then something is bound to happen!

(future mom who will be sending letters home to the class and whose

kid will know all about their dwarfism and be proud of it)

[Guest guest]

andrew came home from school yesterday and asked me what retarded means. i

asked him why and he said that the kids at school are calling him retarded!!

i'm ready to barge into the 3rd grade and throw a big fat fit!!

has anyone ever gone to school and discussed your childs differences with

their classroom?? i'm wondering if a little old fashioned education might

help this matter.

TIA,

bernadette

p.s. i just found out that on the 1st tues. of every month, moms from the

autism society in our area get together for breakfast. i'm so excited to go

and meet everyone!!