Challenging behavior (long post)

[Guest guest]

I do a lot of lurking and rarely post, but I am at my wit's end and

could use some advice from others who may have " been there " with

their Aspies. My son will be 6 next month and his behavior lately

has been getting more and more out of control. As long as he's doing

what he wants and nobody's bothering him, all's right in his world,

but the minute anyone asks him to do something, all bets are off.

Occasionally, he'll cooperate, but that's rare. Usually it's either

a response along the lines of " I don't like to do that " or he'll

start growling at us or outright screaming at us. And it's over

both " big " and " little " things. Some examples:

- The other night he wanted the vaporizer in his room turned on. He

can reach it, he knows how to turn the knob. He got out of bed, came

to the top of the stairs and yelled down that we forgot to turn it on

for him and had to come do it for him. DH actually ended up going up

to see what was going on, so there wasn't a fit over that one, but

that's the type of things we can be dealing with as far as

the " little " things go.

- If we ask him to pick up his toys or bring his karate gear up to

his room after his class, he'll refuse to do it. If we push him on

it, the growling starts and then the full yelling at us " I hate

cleaning up! " or " Never! " are typical responses and if we continue to

push, it will turn into a full-blown screaming tantrum, especially if

we take away toys or priveleges in response to his not cooperating.

- The other day, his 3 y.o. sister decided she was going to play with

one of his toys. He decided he didn't like her playing with it and

demanded she stop. When she refused, he started screaming at the top

of his lungs, jumping up and down as hard as he could, and it turned

into crying.

- Tonight, DH was getting the kids ready for bed and I guess he

didn't want to get his pajamas on. He started throwing a fit and

threatening to hit dh and so dh took away his reading time tonight.

When that didn't work and ds started yelling more and hitting dh, dh

took away two of his toys. Well, that was the final straw and next

thing I know, ds is screaming as loud as he can at dh, crying, etc.

Nothing we've been doing works - rewards system, taking away toys

and/or priveleges, time-outs... We've done the psychologist thing

twice as well (not only didn't it help much, but we have a pretty

high insurance deductible and it's expensive). I've read The

Explosive Child twice now and see some potential here, but honestly,

I don't know how well it would work because he's so young and every

time we try to sit and talk with him about his behavior, it goes in

one ear and out the other. I talk with him at his level but then

when I ask him if he can tell me what I just said, he just replies " I

don't remember. " I also can't seem to get dh to get on board with

it. He is reading the book (finally, after much nagging from me),

but is also taking notes along the way and picking apart all the

things he's finding wrong with it. We suspect DH may have at least a

touch of AS as well, though, so that doesn't help any.

If anyone can offer any suggestions or thoughts, I'd appreciate it...

Ann