Guest guest Posted September 23, 2005 Report Share Posted September 23, 2005 Me too lisa. I could have written this post exactly. I try to see the world through his eyes now and it is very different. I'm much more empathetic and compassionate now. I regret so much - but I'm grateful that I did finally change. It's made a world of difference for our family. _____ From: [mailto: ] On Behalf Of A. Sent: Thursday, September 22, 2005 9:53 PM Subject: ( ) what I wish I'd known Roxanna: I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! _____ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 Well it happened again, no matter how educated we are about AS, when the night or morning routine is ascew, our 2 aspies don't follow the simple directions they've been given, we're tired and one of us (usually me) looses it! Getting 4 kids under 10yo ready for bed or school can be challenging for any family, let along having 2 w/AS! Is it true that you can........ " see situations through his eyes " ......ALL THE TIME, and can...... " respond to problems calmly and patiently rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! " ALL THE TIME. ........Am I the crazy lady of the bunch that has days of great patience and understanding and days (actually mornings or evenings) of less patience and understanding (mostly when I'm menstrating)! Dave (my aspies biodad)gets all over me (stepmom) when this happens, yet had times of frustration, anger, upset, and blowing up at both our aspies just last week. Instead of understanding what each other is going through raising aspies, we still have times of " I can't believe you blew up, they can't help themselves. " No matter how much we NT parents of aspies understand, we are parents trying to raise children, it's just that our job is more demanding raising aspies. Is it humanly possible to be the perfect parent of any child all the time? As one of you says " Autism happens " , I feel like it's not allowed to be a normal parent and have a moment of " less patience " Parenting happens 24/7!....with great patience and occationally with less patience! DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND??? OR AM I ALL ALONE???? Hope someone reads this. " A. " <lausley@...> wrote: Roxanna: I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 Dave F: You're not the " crazy lady of the bunch " and you're not alone! I find myself losing it with my AS girl often, and I only have 2 kids. Couldn't imagine what it is to get 4 kids under 10 to bed - God give you strength! Often after losing it, I try to talk to myself to calm down and think about the grand scheme of things and that there are many, many things worse than having an AS child, or 2 AS children. I'll try to think of that again next time I lost it, which will probably be sooner, rather than later! Vicki in NY Re: ( ) what I wish I'd known Well it happened again, no matter how educated we are about AS, when the night or morning routine is ascew, our 2 aspies don't follow the simple directions they've been given, we're tired and one of us (usually me) looses it! Getting 4 kids under 10yo ready for bed or school can be challenging for any family, let along having 2 w/AS! Is it true that you can........ " see situations through his eyes " ......ALL THE TIME, and can...... " respond to problems calmly and patiently rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! " ALL THE TIME. ........Am I the crazy lady of the bunch that has days of great patience and understanding and days (actually mornings or evenings) of less patience and understanding (mostly when I'm menstrating)! Dave (my aspies biodad)gets all over me (stepmom) when this happens, yet had times of frustration, anger, upset, and blowing up at both our aspies just last week. Instead of understanding what each other is going through raising aspies, we still have times of " I can't believe you blew up, they can't help themselves. " No matter how much we NT parents of aspies understand, we are parents trying to raise children, it's just that our job is more demanding raising aspies. Is it humanly possible to be the perfect parent of any child all the time? As one of you says " Autism happens " , I feel like it's not allowed to be a normal parent and have a moment of " less patience " Parenting happens 24/7!....with great patience and occationally with less patience! DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND??? OR AM I ALL ALONE???? Hope someone reads this. " A. " <lausley@...> wrote: Roxanna: I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 Hi .... You are definitely not alone...Hang in there and relish in the good, peaceful times to help you prepare for the not such good times. My 2 boys with AS have the most difficult times before bed and before school. Often times it is because they don't have the most efficient way of following directions...It takes time and more of an effort I think to accomplish everyday tasks....and you have to admit getting ready for school may not be the most exciting for them...:-) Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote: Well it happened again, no matter how educated we are about AS, when the night or morning routine is ascew, our 2 aspies don't follow the simple directions they've been given, we're tired and one of us (usually me) looses it! Getting 4 kids under 10yo ready for bed or school can be challenging for any family, let along having 2 w/AS! Is it true that you can........ " see situations through his eyes " ......ALL THE TIME, and can...... " respond to problems calmly and patiently rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! " ALL THE TIME. ........Am I the crazy lady of the bunch that has days of great patience and understanding and days (actually mornings or evenings) of less patience and understanding (mostly when I'm menstrating)! Dave (my aspies biodad)gets all over me (stepmom) when this happens, yet had times of frustration, anger, upset, and blowing up at both our aspies just last week. Instead of understanding what each other is going through raising aspies, we still have times of " I can't believe you blew up, they can't help themselves. " No matter how much we NT parents of aspies understand, we are parents trying to raise children, it's just that our job is more demanding raising aspies. Is it humanly possible to be the perfect parent of any child all the time? As one of you says " Autism happens " , I feel like it's not allowed to be a normal parent and have a moment of " less patience " Parenting happens 24/7!....with great patience and occationally with less patience! DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND??? OR AM I ALL ALONE???? Hope someone reads this. " A. " wrote: Roxanna: I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 I completely understand. My son just this morning had a bad episode with lying, yelling and culminating in him throwing his school folder at me and telling me to " go fetch doggy " . I grounded his butt for a month .I have times where I guilt myself into going easy on him and letting stuff like that slide, but when I do, it just gets worse. They may have a harder time understanding but if we don't give them consequences or let them see how upset they can make us, we aren't doing them any favors IMHO. It is natural for us to get upset and we cannot let their diagnosis be a blanket excuse for any and all bad behaviour. The world they are going to have to live in is full of consequences. They are going to irritate people. Life is going to be hard for our babies and letting them get away with murder as children will only make them expect the same from everyone else when they are adults. Sure, I lose my temper a bit too much sometimes and then I know I am in the wrong and work on that, but we can't pretend like everything is hunky dory when it isn't. Don't be too hard on yourself hon, really. Sounds like you are in the same boat as many of us here. Best wishes, andra > Roxanna: > > I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 I totally understand!!! Personally I only think I was NT before I had children (4) but not since. Don't beat yourself up over it. Even if all your children were NT they would still have their moments. They are kids, and they are going to push your buttons, no matter how good they are. I used to pride myself in the fact that I had never really gotten mad and lost my temper. Than, I had children. We have the opposite situation here. Our oldest is my bio child and my husband adopted him when he was 3 1/2. The other 3 are ours. My husband seems to think I stick up for the oldest more because he is not the bio dad. Its not true but that's another discussion. It's obvious that you love your children, or you wouldn't be so upset about the blow-up. They don't come with manuals honey, we can only take it one day at a time. I'll say a prayer for you. Beth Re: ( ) what I wish I'd known Well it happened again, no matter how educated we are about AS, when the night or morning routine is ascew, our 2 aspies don't follow the simple directions they've been given, we're tired and one of us (usually me) looses it! Getting 4 kids under 10yo ready for bed or school can be challenging for any family, let along having 2 w/AS! Is it true that you can........ " see situations through his eyes " ......ALL THE TIME, and can...... " respond to problems calmly and patiently rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! " ALL THE TIME. .......Am I the crazy lady of the bunch that has days of great patience and understanding and days (actually mornings or evenings) of less patience and understanding (mostly when I'm menstrating)! Dave (my aspies biodad)gets all over me (stepmom) when this happens, yet had times of frustration, anger, upset, and blowing up at both our aspies just last week. Instead of understanding what each other is going through raising aspies, we still have times of " I can't believe you blew up, they can't help themselves. " No matter how much we NT parents of aspies understand, we are parents trying to raise children, it's just that our job is more demanding raising aspies. Is it humanly possible to be the perfect parent of any child all the time? As one of you says " Autism happens " , I feel like it's not allowed to be a normal parent and have a moment of " less patience " Parenting happens 24/7!....with great patience and occationally with less patience! DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND??? OR AM I ALL ALONE???? Hope someone reads this. " A. " <lausley@...> wrote: Roxanna: I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 I figure my kids will forgive me as I forgave my parents. My parents were far worse than me, but I always knew they loved me. I just make sure the kids (next Spring I will have 4 age 8 and under) know I love them. By the way, like you, I found my moods were more severe around menstruation. This is a common theme with all my friends. > Roxanna: > > I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 26, 2005 Report Share Posted September 26, 2005 I figure my kids will forgive me as I forgave my parents. My parents were far worse than me, but I always knew they loved me. I just make sure the kids (next Spring I will have 4 age 8 and under) know I love them. By the way, like you, I found my moods were more severe around menstruation. This is a common theme with all my friends. > Roxanna: > > I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted September 27, 2005 Report Share Posted September 27, 2005 Hi all, I can help all of you..Sorry about short sentence. Thanks, Re: ( ) what I wish I'd known Well it happened again, no matter how educated we are about AS, when the night or morning routine is ascew, our 2 aspies don't follow the simple directions they've been given, we're tired and one of us (usually me) looses it! Getting 4 kids under 10yo ready for bed or school can be challenging for any family, let along having 2 w/AS! Is it true that you can........ " see situations through his eyes " ......ALL THE TIME, and can...... " respond to problems calmly and patiently rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! " ALL THE TIME. .......Am I the crazy lady of the bunch that has days of great patience and understanding and days (actually mornings or evenings) of less patience and understanding (mostly when I'm menstrating)! Dave (my aspies biodad)gets all over me (stepmom) when this happens, yet had times of frustration, anger, upset, and blowing up at both our aspies just last week. Instead of understanding what each other is going through raising aspies, we still have times of " I can't believe you blew up, they can't help themselves. " No matter how much we NT parents of aspies understand, we are parents trying to raise children, it's just that our job is more demanding raising aspies. Is it humanly possible to be the perfect parent of any child all the time? As one of you says " Autism happens " , I feel like it's not allowed to be a normal parent and have a moment of " less patience " Parenting happens 24/7!....with great patience and occationally with less patience! DOES ANYONE UNDERSTAND??? OR AM I ALL ALONE???? Hope someone reads this. " A. " <lausley@...> wrote: Roxanna: I wish I'd known that my son didn't perceive the world as others do. I wish I'd known he wasn't just being stubborn, or disobedient, or uncooperative, or misbehaving. I would have tried to see situations through his eyes (as I do now), I would never have spanked him (as I don't now), I would have responded to problems calmly and and patiently (like I do now) rather than getting angry, frustrated, upset, or blowing up! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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