Re: My son is costing me a fortune!!

[Guest guest]

My son looses everything! It seems though that the calmer he remains

the less he loses. Last year was a disaster. He lost several school

books, always loosing his notebooks, binders, etc. Thank god I am

not seeing the distructive behavior! I can remember one time last

year that he slammed and broke a door but that is the only time I

can say he has been destructive. Our son, however, leaves stuff all

over the house. His shoes, books, games, flash drives, wallet, usb

cables, EVERYTHING! My problem is that I'll ask him to pick

something up or take it to his room. It takes him so long to comply

that I've already asked him to do 3 other things and he can't

remember all of them. I have learned that if I follow through with

one item at a time he is very compliant. Sometimes I feel like we

have to micromanage our kids! I agree with our kids have to

learn there are consequences to their behavior! If we don't TEACH

them the responsibility in their actions they won't be able to be

successful adults. Working off the debt will hold him responsible

and help you around the house as well. Good luck!

>

> I am going to assume he's high functioning like my son then too..

LOL last

> night my son was grounded officially for the first time.. Grrr..

> He and his buddy.. While I was out at a meeting and hubby was in

charge..

> Were pea shooting popcorn all over the basement!!

>

> Chase wasn't a chewer of things..but OMG he puts holes in his

fingers!!

> As for the teacher taking away the key.. Grrr on that tooo...

> My son is in a self contained class.. Special Ed.. That cater to

the

> autistic child. They are allowed to eat snacks during class as

long as they

> are healthy...snacks and have a pensil in the other hand.

> They have Koosh balls on the table.. That the kids can handle for

the

> anxiety.. Etc.

> Very well run..

> I am all for inclusion.. But sometimes.. Our kids do just need

special

> treatment.

> And as for all those who make parenting suggestions.. OH man.. If

I had a

> quarter for every bit of advice that came from someone who didn't

have a

> child on the spectrum.. Well then.. I would be able to pay for

the extra

> therapy needed for the family LOL

>

> I think it's good we can talk like this too.. To someone who can

indeed

> relate.

>

> -- Re: ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> Yeah... I gave him a house key on a chain to wear around his neck,

well, he

> started swinging it in class and they took away his house key...

can't send

> it to school with him, so I have to leave the door unlocked when I

go to

> work while he's at school. He will sit at the desk and chew up

plastic cups

> spit the plastic out onto the floor. When I clean the floor,

around the

> desk and under it is shredded plastic cups. Of course, I yell at

him and

> tell him to pick it up, but he wont or he will just pick up on

> e piece of it. Then he waits til I go to work and does it again.

He chews

> on his shirt, he put a hole in it one time... well, more than one

time. If

> he gets his shoes dirty, I tell him to clean them or put them

outside, he

> puts them outside and leaves them there... he refuses to clean

anything...

> everything is a fight with him. I feel like he's holding me

hostage

> sometimes. My parents tell me just not to buy him a coat, but I

don't want

> him to be cold, and the school will be all over me for that anyhow

> .. How do you teach them a lesson when everyone has something to

say about

> what you are doing? Of course, they don't stick around to help

out, they

> just judge you. This sucks because I work with developmentaly

disabled

> adults, adults with autism, retardation and schizophrenia. None

of them

> give me a hard time like this. I am sure I am doing something

wrong, I just

> don't know what it is!

> ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

My son is obsessed with money.. And collecting it..

He recently has been wanting to go to the store with his friends.. Etc..

So he has to use his own.. Money.

Maybe your son's allowance could go to replacing these kind of items?

Or.. Say.. Cleaning something in the house.. Can start making a dent in what

he owes you financially?

They have to learn concequences to their actions.. And even if the act isn't

willful.. The result was the same.

As for the swinging stuff OMG I can so relate... I gave my son a lanyard

with a glitter ball on it.. He swings it now instead of some other things..

Spaghetti eating was an adventure in itself.. LOL swinging each strand four

times before eating LOL

-- ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay on my

couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " , and

busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he broke

his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was playing

with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and this

was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!! He

has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his back

pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free... that

cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another $100

on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I work

full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you all

do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to buy

myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing and

destroying property thing? HELP!!

[Guest guest]

I think some of this is just plain being a teen ager!

Sally

>

> Yeah... I gave him a house key on a chain to wear around his neck,

well, he started swinging it in class and they took away his house

key... can't send it to school with him, so I have to leave the door

unlocked when I go to work while he's at school. He will sit at the

desk and chew up plastic cups, spit the plastic out onto the floor.

When I clean the floor, around the desk and under it is shredded

plastic cups. Of course, I yell at him and tell him to pick it up,

but he wont or he will just pick up one piece of it. Then he waits

til I go to work and does it again. He chews on his shirt, he put a

hole in it one time... well, more than one time. If he gets his

shoes dirty, I tell him to clean them or put them outside, he puts

them outside and leaves them there... he refuses to clean

anything... everything is a fight with him. I feel like he's

holding me hostage sometimes. My parents tell me just not to buy

him a coat, but I don't want him to be cold, and the school will be

all over me for that anyhow. How do you teach them a lesson when

everyone has something to say about what you are doing? Of course,

they don't stick around to help out, they just judge you. This

sucks because I work with developmentaly disabled adults, adults

with autism, retardation and schizophrenia. None of them give me a

hard time like this. I am sure I am doing something wrong, I just

don't know what it is!

> ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I am going to assume he's high functioning like my son then too.. LOL last

night my son was grounded officially for the first time.. Grrr..

He and his buddy.. While I was out at a meeting and hubby was in charge..

Were pea shooting popcorn all over the basement!!

Chase wasn't a chewer of things..but OMG he puts holes in his fingers!!

As for the teacher taking away the key.. Grrr on that tooo...

My son is in a self contained class.. Special Ed.. That cater to the

autistic child. They are allowed to eat snacks during class as long as they

are healthy...snacks and have a pensil in the other hand.

They have Koosh balls on the table.. That the kids can handle for the

anxiety.. Etc.

Very well run..

I am all for inclusion.. But sometimes.. Our kids do just need special

treatment.

And as for all those who make parenting suggestions.. OH man.. If I had a

quarter for every bit of advice that came from someone who didn't have a

child on the spectrum.. Well then.. I would be able to pay for the extra

therapy needed for the family LOL

I think it's good we can talk like this too.. To someone who can indeed

relate.

-- Re: ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

Yeah... I gave him a house key on a chain to wear around his neck, well, he

started swinging it in class and they took away his house key... can't send

it to school with him, so I have to leave the door unlocked when I go to

work while he's at school. He will sit at the desk and chew up plastic cups

spit the plastic out onto the floor. When I clean the floor, around the

desk and under it is shredded plastic cups. Of course, I yell at him and

tell him to pick it up, but he wont or he will just pick up on

e piece of it. Then he waits til I go to work and does it again. He chews

on his shirt, he put a hole in it one time... well, more than one time. If

he gets his shoes dirty, I tell him to clean them or put them outside, he

puts them outside and leaves them there... he refuses to clean anything...

everything is a fight with him. I feel like he's holding me hostage

sometimes. My parents tell me just not to buy him a coat, but I don't want

him to be cold, and the school will be all over me for that anyhow

... How do you teach them a lesson when everyone has something to say about

what you are doing? Of course, they don't stick around to help out, they

just judge you. This sucks because I work with developmentaly disabled

adults, adults with autism, retardation and schizophrenia. None of them

give me a hard time like this. I am sure I am doing something wrong, I just

don't know what it is!

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay on my

couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " , and

busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he broke

his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was playing

with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and this

was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!! He

has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his back

pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free... that

cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another $100

on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I work

full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you all

do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to buy

myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing and

destroying property thing? HELP!!

[Guest guest]

I can relate. If I take the computer away from my kids they will just go to bed

and sleep. My kids stayed out of school yesterday and today and are

'overwhelmed' by school. I am overwhelmed paying for them to go to a private

school and then they don't go. I feel your frustration. I LIVE with your

frustration. I don't have any answers, I feel like I am not capable of teaching

them anything. They just don't care...I know school can be overwhelming for them

but how in the world will they ever get a job when they can't go more than 3 or

4 days a week? n says he will be getting paid for a job and that will make

the difference. I don't see it happening at this point.I fear for their future.

We can't get any services because they go to a private school. I can't put them

in public school because they would be totally overwhelmed. Right now they only

have about 35 kids in their grades, can you imagine if there were 2 or 3

hundred? I'm sorry I just wanted to let you know I understand your frustration,

I wish I had answers too... Right now I feel hopeless, helpless, and worried

about the future of my boys...As far as being manipulative and selfish.. I

understand that all too well too. I think that may be part of aspergers and part

of being a teenager. Hang in there and keep venting, it does help to know that I

am not the only mom 'out there' that feels incapable and frustrated. Toni

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

>

> I think some of this is just plain being a teen ager!

>

> Sally

Sally, I have to agree with you in that regard. i.e. Our NT 15-year-

old son has cost us a couple of hundred dollars recently simply

because he chooses not to listen. ANYTHING I - or his father - says

to him goes in one ear and out the other. I am sure he believes we

know nothing and that we must be out to get him:

I told my son not to download ANYTHING on the computer because I

knew that the memory was at its limit, but sure as heck he did and

the system crashed.

Photo day just came and went and he chose to not submit the order

sheet even though I paid for the photos in advance. He later told me

that he assumed - though I explained otherwise in advance - that the

photographer would know what package to place. That's another $40.

that I am waiting to know whether will be recovered or not!

Teens! Arg! LOL

[Guest guest]

Does he go to a pdoc? if so maybe you can get a letter from him/her explaining

'why' he misses so much school. One of my sons missed 31 days last year and

failed the 11th grade but not because of missed days because of missed

homework,poor grades. This is from a kid that took the SAT in 7th grade and

maxed out on the ITBS (?).I totally understand. I feel like a maid around here.

Garbage? HUH! I told the boys IF they are ever on their own they will be up to

the ceiling in garbage and dirty clothes because they put two things in the bag

and never push it down and IF they change clothes they just throw them on the

floor. Someone suggested letting them leave their dirty clothes and run out of

clean clothes. RIGHT! They would just wear them dirty.I have the SAME

discussions with mine about showers. I told them I don't 'care' if you take a

shower and stink I just don't want the kids making fun of you because your hair

is dirty and you smell like B.O.Their response is they(the other kids) shouldn't

be judging others ..Yes, they shouldn't , but in this day and time most everyone

takes a shower everyday and brushes their teeth at least twice a day! Why should

we brush our teeth, we didn't eat anything before bed...I too feel like a

prisoner in my own home. I LOVE them dearly but I really don't want them living

with me until the day I die. Sorry everyone for such a vent!

Toni and Wa-hya http://www.dogster.com/?370577

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

psychiatrist.He can write a letter explaining that with aspergers/depression

when they get overwhelmed by just being at school they will withdraw from

activities which includes school and it is not being truant, just a part of the

disability of aspergers and all the comorbid 'thing's' that come with it. OCD,

depression, anxiety, bipolar etc...

It DOES feel good to get it out. Sometimes I want to just go in my room and lock

the door and NOT COME OUT!!

Family counseling would be a wonderful idea, IF they would go anywhere besides

school. I can hardly get them to the psychiatrist let alone the dentist,

haircuts, eye appt ect...

Toni and Wa-hya http://www.dogster.com/?370577

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

LOL that's funny.. Because I was coming to that conclusion myself with my

own son.. LOL its the dreaded N word creeping up on us LOL they are acting

like NORMAL Boys ROFLOL!

-- Re: ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

hehe, are you trying to tell me it wont get better?? NOOOOO

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Wow. Just read through the whole thread. First, I think its great that

you can so easily verbalize your frustration!! Second, I hope a

psychologist/psychiatrist/whichever can help. Third, that sucks about

the couch & backpack. Fourth, buy him cheaper coats.

I hope you can get this figured out.

Oh yeah, my 6 yr old says he's always going to live with us, too. I

tell him, " Sure! I would love that. " But he isn't a teenager yet... My

tune may change! LOL!

~

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " , and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!! He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free... that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another $100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

[Guest guest]

Hi, Tami -- Ouch, that is a lot of money to lose on stuff! I don't know

if I have any help, but my little guy (only 5) is definitely more

destructive than my other kids were and I've had to replace things, and

he throws things in anger, too. I've not found a way around that yet. My

older son, who has/had (?) dyslexia and dysgraphia, and what they said

was mild ADD but I didn't necessarily agree with that..anyway, he was

always losing things. Every day, I'd have to drive back to his school

and find his coat..in the midst of the baseball field, laying on the

floor of the gym, you name it. Good thing I lived close to the school! I

finally realized I just couldn't afford to continue to buy him quality

stuff anymore. He got Payless/Wal-mart shoes (yes, he'd lose his

sneakers), Walmart generic backpack, and Walmart glasses. (What

insurance allows for two pairs a year? That is really, really

good....most only pay for a pair once per year, or even once every two

years.)

Have you tried telling him that from now on, when he breaks things, you

may not be able to replace them or that he'll have to go with plain

cheap ones? That's a tough age for even NT kids, but even now that I can

afford to not shop WM (I remarried, I was a single mom for a while there

too) I still won't buy the expensive brand names. Four kids, I can't

afford it. (The discount rack at Kohl's, year-round, is an awesome way

to buy really nice things though for cheap....my totally off-topic tip LOL)

Donna

Tami wrote:

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " , and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!! He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free... that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another $100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

[Guest guest]

I'm deferring comment on this topic to my son, : He is also 14

years old with Asperger's Syndrome and an expert in the " losing

stuff " area!

As my mother said, I'm . Here are some tips for you and your

son. First, you can make up a form as a reminder to your son about

what he needs to be aware of finding. Second, you could give him an

allowance for each thing or item he finds that " he " lost. Lastly, he

could put his name on his stuff so that if he loses something, he'll

be able to find it.

doesn't lose as many things as he used to, though I had to

laugh when they sent home the 8th grade supply list and saw " a

year's worth of pens and pencils. " Their idea of a " year's worth " is

what typically goes through in a month, mostly because he

lends them to his classmates and forgets to ask for them back! We

are now dealing with " The Case of the Missing Calculator. " My

husband and I suspect that one of the little darlings that attends

school with " found " it and decided to keep it - despite the

fact that 's name is on the case and the calculator - because,

as we've all been told, " Finders Keepers, Losers Weepers! "

says he thinks it went the way of the sweater his Nana and Pop

brought back from their trip to Ireland. He wore it to school -

once! - and we never saw it again: Chances are it's hanging in

somebody's closet. Yeah, I know - nice kids!

" Forgetting " is more of a problem for us. At the end of the day, in

his rush to pack his bookpack so he won't miss the bus (no matter

how many times the driver and we have told him that he won't be left

behind, he still panics), he'll either totally forget to pack the

right textbooks and notes for his homework or he'll think he packed

the right ones and they turn out not to be. And, by the time he gets

home, it's too late to go back to school and pick up the correct

items. A " checklist " that he posts on his locker so that, as he's

packing, he can see what he has to have is being tried as is his

instructional aide giving him verbal " prompts " so that he takes the

time necessary to make sure he has everything he needs. Since the

school year is about a month old, he's not forgetting as much as he

used to - but, as I said, the year's still young!LOL!

I sympathize with you about your son's breaking things. used

to be a " picker. " He would pick his fingernails and toenails down to

the quick without even thinking about it; he picked at the

decorative arm fronts on our couch, loveseat and living room chair

until he pulled them off entirely, exposing the nails that held the

fronts to the arms of the furniture; he picked the foam from around

the armrests of our computer chair (there are so many holes in the

foam, it's like touching Swiss cheese) and, most alarmingly, he'd

actually peel off the metal casings that hold the erasers on regular

pencils - after he'd picked off the eraser! How he never needed to

get stitches, I'll never know. " Gorilla Glue " and slipcovers have

kept us from having to go out and buy new furniture for the short

term, and having him use mechanical pencils instead of the wooden

ones have inhibited him from picking them, but I have to say that

the one thing that's helped tremendously is Abilify. He's nowhere

near how " amped up " he used to be. There have been some rough

patches this year - my father-in-law, my brother-in-law, and my

mother have all been in the hospital (my father-in-law had lung

cancer; my brother-in-law had a severe case of double pneumonia and

almost died - he was in the hospital for 8 weeks; and my mother

just got released from the hospital yesterday evening after battling

her own case of pneumonia and a bacterial infection of her lungs)and

with all that, he's been under a great deal of emotional stress in a

short period of time. His behavior throughout this whole ordeal

hasn't always been stellar - but it's understandable considering

how " out of control " he must have been feeling. But the Abilify -

and we're talking about only 5 mgs. every other day - kept

the " picking " at bay and his other tics manageable.

I apologize for going on and on like this, but reading your post

struck a cord in me. If I can think of any non-pharmaceutical

methods for you to try, I'll post them ASAP.

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay on

my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " , and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

[Guest guest]

HEY HON Sounds like some family councelling will be a great thing! I have

done it myself and it works wonders!

I am so glad you are able to verbalize your concerns so clearly... So many

of us.. Just sit back in frustration.

This is a great group to be in for just that kind of support..

We have a place in the next town called Kerry's services for autism

related issues..http://www.kerrysplace.com/Introduction/Intro.htm

Cut and paste this into your search.. They specialize in therapy for just

this kind of thing Hon..

If the link doesn't work.. Let me know!

..

-- Re: ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

My son says the same thing... I will go to work to get paid... but try

getting a job without an education?? Think about that, hello... he thinks

it will be all fine and good... but if you let them learn the hard way, they

will ruin their life and I get all the crap from the school about his

behavior and his attendance.... I want to scream at them, YOU DEAL WITH HIS

CRAP!! You try beating your head against a wall 24/7 and see how quick you

change your tune. I know alot of it is teenage stuff I guess, but

it is compounded by the stubborn repetative perseverative behavior of

asperger's. I wanted to send him to private school... services haven't

done us any good so far... they just complain about him. But it is so

expensive here in Maine... I also fear for my son's future... is he going to

live with me forever? Will he be able to take care of himself ever? Will I

ever get grandchildren? I had all my wisdom teeth out last week, I took him

to school first, and the next day, I said you are going to have to

walk to school cause I am on pain killers, he refused. I asked my parents

to come and drive him, and they refused saying he can walk... yes, he can

but he wont. He just took advantage of the situation to stay home. If he

misses 8 more days, they will fail him even if he gets passing grades. Of

course, she had to call me and tell me that real snooty and all. I said,

well, come pick him up, then. " That's not my job! " of course not, your job

is to judge me. I can't win. To me, it's just rediculous th

at he can't do one thing that I ask. Everything is an argument. Taking out

the trash, that is an outright battle, taking a shower, he will argue, cry,

whine, scream... MY GOD!! YOU STINK!! I told him, I can't deal with it

anymore... I am at the point of sending him elsewhere if something doesn't

give. I'm supposed to quit my job and clean up after him, drag him here and

there and everywhere, take care of everything with him kicking and screaming

and fighting me all the way. How do people do it?? Then

when I ask him, " why do you hate me so much? Why do you insist on making

my life a misery? " He says, I love you mommy! It's like, yeah right. I

always ask him to do stuff with me, play cards, go to the gym, go for a walk

watch a movie... he refuses saying he doesn't feel like it. Then when he

does, I say take a shower and we will go out for dinner or something, and he

refuses and he smells terrible. Then he wants to lay on my lap, and I am

supposed to be grateful. YUK. I hate being angry at him.

I hate being frustrated with him. It really sucks. I know you can relate.

He says he doesn't care if he smells and no one else should either... well,

I do. I try so hard not to be abusive in any way, but I feel like I am

being abused by him. I find myself eating constantly, I lost 26 pounds and

now I have gained 12 of it back. I tried to quit smoking, and the stress

did me in... I was constantly yellling at him. Today, I am going to refuse

to feed him or let him on the computer til he does his chores

, but refusing to feed him is probobly against the law or something. I don

t care anymore.

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Did you check out that link? Did the psychologist specialize in autism

spectrum children? I think that is an important factor hon.

-- Re: ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

We had counseling, even the kind where they come to your house for a couple

hours a day 2 times a week. It helped while they were there... somewhat...

it got him to stop throwing things... that's something. He told me to talk

to him a certain way, and I do that. He told me to not worry about what he

does at school, let them worry about it... but the school doesn't see it

that way. They told me to take away his computer, I did that. He just

keeps up the same old stuff. I even took a psychology course,

read every parenting book they sell at bookland, and psychology book,

asperger's book, and I work with developmentaly disabled adults. I am at a

loss.

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

--- Hi Tammy, I'm new to this group, but could so relate to how you're

feeling. My asd son only 5 is also very destructive. He breaks his

siblings things, ruins the furniture, forget about shoes and clothing.

I like to buy him nice things too (even though he doesn't appreciate

them) For every day wear, he gets the cheap sale rack/k-mart items and

I save the good stuff for special occassions (or when I'm trying to

impress someone) lol. I also relate to feeling abused. Sometimes you

feel like your giving your last drop of blood and all you get in

return are kicks and punches. Oppositional/defiant disorder is another

diagnosis I hear thrown around alot. not that it really helps, but

having a name for it sometimes makes you feel like its not your fault

and there are other people going through the same thing.

Hope you guys are doing better tomorrow.

[Guest guest]

Yeah... I gave him a house key on a chain to wear around his neck, well, he

started swinging it in class and they took away his house key... can't send it

to school with him, so I have to leave the door unlocked when I go to work while

he's at school. He will sit at the desk and chew up plastic cups, spit the

plastic out onto the floor. When I clean the floor, around the desk and under

it is shredded plastic cups. Of course, I yell at him and tell him to pick it

up, but he wont or he will just pick up one piece of it. Then he waits til I go

to work and does it again. He chews on his shirt, he put a hole in it one

time... well, more than one time. If he gets his shoes dirty, I tell him to

clean them or put them outside, he puts them outside and leaves them there... he

refuses to clean anything... everything is a fight with him. I feel like he's

holding me hostage sometimes. My parents tell me just not to buy him a coat,

but I don't want him to be cold, and the school will be all over me for that

anyhow. How do you teach them a lesson when everyone has something to say about

what you are doing? Of course, they don't stick around to help out, they just

judge you. This sucks because I work with developmentaly disabled adults,

adults with autism, retardation and schizophrenia. None of them give me a hard

time like this. I am sure I am doing something wrong, I just don't know what it

is!

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay on my

couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " , and

busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he broke

his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was playing

with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and this

was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!! He

has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his back

pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free... that

cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another $100

on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I work

full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you all

do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to buy

myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing and

destroying property thing? HELP!!

[Guest guest]

Yes, it's good to talk... especially being a single mom, you feel like you are

all alone with the problems. He is high functioning... but he tries to act like

he isn't, unless it's his idea, then he has no problem acting all grown up. He

is in special ed for two periods a day, and he hates it. He says they are all

stupid there.... i am sure they are not, but he insists they are. One day, last

year, he decided to take a bus to his friends house with his friend... and not

tell me where he was going, and I called the school and they said he went to

's house... well, I was some PEOD. They just let him go, then they can't

give me the # to that kids house, so I said you better call there and have them

call me right now. So they did, and I went right over there, snatched him up

and put him in the car. His friends mom was all like, he can stay, and I said

No HE CAN'T. I don't reward that type of behavior. You let them get away with

it once, and they do it over and over again. I don't know those people from

adam's rib but I know that the kid has been arrested for blowing up someone's

front door. Not happening. He had another friend for about a month that would

come over and knock everything in my house over... real clutz. And he was the

type of kid, even though he lived down the street, he would tell me over and

over how hungry he was. Like his parents never feed him, but he wasn't a skinny

kid. I am lucky, I work for an agency that helps people like my son, with PDD,

and they let me call him often and even go home and check on him. Plus, they

have great benefits even though the pay isn't that great. It's a great job,

tho.. I love it. If only home was like my job. My son's negative attitude is

just draining me physically and emotionally. Everything sucks. Everything is

stupid. He hates my music and complains about it endlessly when I am listening

to it. I listen to music while I clean. It helps motivate me... but I got him

in my ear complaining as loudly as humanly possible. When I ground him, he lays

on the bed or the couch and kicks the wall and complains endlessly for hours and

uses every tactic he can to try to manipulate me. I tell him, " You are being

manipulative and it isn't going to work. " But he keeps going, like he has the

energizer bunny in his mouth. I had a babysitter spend the weekends with him,

but she was eating me out of house and home and making a bigger mess than if I

left him home alone... so I finally had to fire her... and I just call him often

and come home and check on him. I have to come home to put my dog out... cause

even if I tell him to do it on the phone, he still wont do it. Yet he claims to

love the dog. I make him do laundry now, I go with him, and have him put it in

the machines, put the money in, etc. He hates it. I feel like I try and try

and I can't get anywhere with him. I just want to bang my head into the wall,

at least that would produce a result... injury.

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay on my

couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " , and

busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he broke

his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was playing

with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and this

was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!! He

has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his back

pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free... that

cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another $100

on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I work

full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you all

do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to buy

myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing and

destroying property thing? HELP!!

[Guest guest]

If I can get him to do it. If he doesn't want to do something, he doesn't care

if he gets grounded. He just wont do it. I haven't been able to buy him a

video or a game in a long time because of the expenses. You'd think he'd care,

but he doesn't... It seems that the only thing he cares about is the computer

and he loses that every other day... then makes my life miserable the whole time

he's grounded. Seems like by punishing him, I'm actually punishing myself.

He's very manipulative and selfish... to tell the truth. I don't know how or

why he got that way.... I'm sure I spoiled him at times....

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

hehe, are you trying to tell me it wont get better?? NOOOOO

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

I think I could have written Toni's letter, except that my son in private

school only has 22 students In the whole 8th grade. I don't know what to do

about high school because there is no private school he will be able to

handle. He's brilliant and yet so unorganized and lazy(no studying) that

his progress report had 2 D's, 2 C's, and 2 B's. We are moving to a better

school district before next year-but I don't know whether I get him labeled

ahead of time or just wait and see what happens.

[Guest guest]

My son says the same thing... I will go to work to get paid... but try getting a

job without an education?? Think about that, hello... he thinks it will be all

fine and good... but if you let them learn the hard way, they will ruin their

life and I get all the crap from the school about his behavior and his

attendance.... I want to scream at them, YOU DEAL WITH HIS CRAP!! You try

beating your head against a wall 24/7 and see how quick you change your tune. I

know alot of it is teenage stuff I guess, but it is compounded by the stubborn

repetative perseverative behavior of asperger's. I wanted to send him to

private school... services haven't done us any good so far... they just complain

about him. But it is so expensive here in Maine... I also fear for my son's

future... is he going to live with me forever? Will he be able to take care of

himself ever? Will I ever get grandchildren? I had all my wisdom teeth out

last week, I took him to school first, and the next day, I said you are going to

have to walk to school cause I am on pain killers, he refused. I asked my

parents to come and drive him, and they refused saying he can walk... yes, he

can but he wont. He just took advantage of the situation to stay home. If he

misses 8 more days, they will fail him even if he gets passing grades. Of

course, she had to call me and tell me that real snooty and all. I said, well,

come pick him up, then. " That's not my job! " of course not, your job is to

judge me. I can't win. To me, it's just rediculous that he can't do one thing

that I ask. Everything is an argument. Taking out the trash, that is an

outright battle, taking a shower, he will argue, cry, whine, scream... MY GOD!!

YOU STINK!! I told him, I can't deal with it anymore... I am at the point of

sending him elsewhere if something doesn't give. I'm supposed to quit my job

and clean up after him, drag him here and there and everywhere, take care of

everything with him kicking and screaming and fighting me all the way. How do

people do it?? Then when I ask him, " why do you hate me so much? Why do you

insist on making my life a misery? " He says, I love you mommy! It's like, yeah

right. I always ask him to do stuff with me, play cards, go to the gym, go for

a walk, watch a movie... he refuses saying he doesn't feel like it. Then when

he does, I say take a shower and we will go out for dinner or something, and he

refuses and he smells terrible. Then he wants to lay on my lap, and I am

supposed to be grateful. YUK. I hate being angry at him. I hate being

frustrated with him. It really sucks. I know you can relate. He says he

doesn't care if he smells and no one else should either... well, I do. I try so

hard not to be abusive in any way, but I feel like I am being abused by him. I

find myself eating constantly, I lost 26 pounds and now I have gained 12 of it

back. I tried to quit smoking, and the stress did me in... I was constantly

yellling at him. Today, I am going to refuse to feed him or let him on the

computer til he does his chores, but refusing to feed him is probobly against

the law or something. I don't care anymore.

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Your vent was mild compared to mine... it just feels good to get it out. What

is pdoc? never heard of it. I just got a call from his teacher english, saying

hes missing work... I said, I ask him to do it, I even type it out for him when

he tells me he has work, but sometimes he says he doesn't. Should I beat him?

And he said nothing. I probobly got myself into trouble. Oh, well.... Tami

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

We had counseling, even the kind where they come to your house for a couple

hours a day 2 times a week. It helped while they were there... somewhat... it

got him to stop throwing things... that's something. He told me to talk to him

a certain way, and I do that. He told me to not worry about what he does at

school, let them worry about it... but the school doesn't see it that way. They

told me to take away his computer, I did that. He just keeps up the same old

stuff. I even took a psychology course, read every parenting book they sell at

bookland, and psychology book, asperger's book, and I work with developmentaly

disabled adults. I am at a loss.

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

You can get a letter from a psychiatrist?? Didn't know that. I have an

update... He called me to pick him up from school, cause he HATES to walk home,

it's about a ten minute walk. Well, I picked him up and I told him he could not

eat or play on the computer until he got his chores done. He complained at

first, but then he actually took out the trash, did the laundry with me, picked

up his dirty dishes, got the trash out of the bathroom, put the dog out and fed

his hampster and gerbil... also, I went grocery shopping, and he put the food

away. He even got me a pillow for my back when I asked him, the first time. I

even had him put letters in the mail box and take a shower.( he didn't even

whine, tho he did call me in to hand him his towel, cause he couldn't reach

it...) I was amazed. I told him to go to bed at 10:30 and I only had to tell

him twice. He even brushed his teeth the first time I asked. I didn't yell

once, didn't have to. I told him you owe me for all the money I had to spend on

you lately. It's a small step, and only one day, but it was such a nice change.

He even watched a movie with me and shared a video from the internet with me.

He watched dancing with the stars with me and didn't complain. He usually

complains all the way through. He did ask me if he was my white slave one

time... which was weird. He asked me " aren't you going to watch wife swap? "

cause I tivo'd it the other night and didn't watch it. I forgot all about it.

We had turkey chilli and corn muffins for supper, usually he complains about

" Turkey " cause he prefers hamburger, but he ate it and even had seconds. I

told him only only two corn muffins, and he ate two and left the rest alone,

usually he will keep eating them... he waits til I leave the room and gets

another one. But he didn't today... like I said, it's only one day of MANY.

but it was soo nice. I know what you mean about getting them out... my son

HATES hair cuts... he spits and whines and carries on... the dentist, last time

they had to stop and ask me to come back another day, cause he whined so much,

she got frustrated with him. The eye doctor, well, my son touches all his

equipment, and tells them he is going blind, and just acts like a baby. Thanks

for listening to me complain... I just had to get it out... he's been driving me

crazy!! Tami

( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

>

> My son, 14, AS, decided, while I was at work, that he would lay

on my

> couch two weeks ago and push his feet on the arm to " stretch " ,

and

> busted the arm off my couch... had to buy a new one. Then he

broke

> his back pack, saying the books are too heavy and it ripped the

> straps, which I am sure that didn't help, but I know he was

playing

> with it... he likes to swing things around. Then he broke his

> glasses again... my insurance only pays for two pairs a year and

this

> was the second pair... so I had to buy him new glasses at $200!!

He

> has cost me $500 in two weeks just in these items. I bought his

back

> pack at LL Bean so if he broke it, they replace it for free...

that

> cost me 80.00 alone. Last year, he lost his coat, LL Bean, at

> school, and we couldn't find it, so I have to go spend another

$100

> on a coat this month... they don't replace lost items, I wish! I

> find myself getting so angry at him... I am a single mom and I

work

> full time and barely make ends meet as it is... what would you

all

> do? I saved for six months to get that $500. I can't afford to

buy

> myself a new coat or even new shoes... how do I stop this losing

and

> destroying property thing? HELP!!

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

Hello Tami,

Just some suggestions. What if your son had a big buddy to walk home with?

maybe someone close to where he lives. if he doesn't have friends. maybe you

can set this up ahead of time by speaking to another child, and their parents,

about walking home with your son. Does he need to adjust to the change? from a

car ride to walking? Is he afraid of another child bullying him? getting lost?

what if the school guidance councilor sets something up, just till your son gets

use to walking home? Hope this works out for you. Hugs to you both.

Tami Ober <nyx@...> wrote:

Thank you for your kind response, you and everyone else. I love my son

dearly and can't imagine life without him, but sometimes it helps to vent all

the negative feelings you are having. I have to go to training tomorrow, and he

says he will not walk home, he will sit at the school and wait for me for 3

hours... so I am not sure what to do. Should I go anyway and hope he will walk

home and not lose his key, or should I let him stay home so I don't have to

spend the day worrying... I can't not go to training. This is the last week and

if I miss tomorrow I have to start all over again. Any advise is appreciated. If

I let him stay home, I have to deal with million calls from school letting me

know how bad of a mother I am, not that I care anymore... Thanks in advance for

any advise. Tami

Re: ( ) My son is costing me a fortune!!

--- Hi Tammy, I'm new to this group, but could so relate to how you're

feeling. My asd son only 5 is also very destructive. He breaks his

siblings things, ruins the furniture, forget about shoes and clothing.

I like to buy him nice things too (even though he doesn't appreciate

them) For every day wear, he gets the cheap sale rack/k-mart items and

I save the good stuff for special occassions (or when I'm trying to

impress someone) lol. I also relate to feeling abused. Sometimes you

feel like your giving your last drop of blood and all you get in

return are kicks and punches. Oppositional/defiant disorder is another

diagnosis I hear thrown around alot. not that it really helps, but

having a name for it sometimes makes you feel like its not your fault

and there are other people going through the same thing.

Hope you guys are doing better tomorrow.