Guest guest Posted October 3, 2005 Report Share Posted October 3, 2005 In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, adnan_rafiq@... writes: Am I the only father here? My husband reads the posts to my email occasionally. ~ Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 3, 2005 Report Share Posted October 3, 2005 Nope, I'm here every day!! Dave Adnan Rafiq <adnan_rafiq@...> wrote: Am I the only father here? __________________________________ - PC Magazine Editors' Choice 2005 http://mail. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 Not too many stay at home dads, Aye Dave! natesmama2000@... wrote: In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, adnan_rafiq@... writes: Am I the only father here? My husband reads the posts to my email occasionally. ~ Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 And unfortunately, not too many fathers look for support even though they need it as well.... > Not too many stay at home dads, > Aye > Dave! > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 I could use a " stay at home dad " lol, Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote:Not too many stay at home dads, Aye Dave! natesmama2000@... wrote: In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, adnan_rafiq@... writes: Am I the only father here? My husband reads the posts to my email occasionally. ~ Dawn Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 i work ten hours every day. but other than that, every waking moment that I have I spend it working with my son (trying to incorporate some floor time) however, i do admit that my wife does the bulk of the work when it comes to his therapy. --- Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: > I could use a " stay at home dad " lol, > > Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote:Not too > many stay at home dads, > Aye > Dave! > > > natesmama2000@... wrote: > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific > Daylight Time, > adnan_rafiq@... writes: > > Am I the only father here? > > > > My husband reads the posts to my email occasionally. > > > ~ Dawn > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 4, 2005 Report Share Posted October 4, 2005 Great going all you dads! My husband does not get involved at all. He has never met my son's Psychologist (he has had 2), has never met my son's Psychiatrist (he has had 2), has never been to an IEP meeting, has never been to parent group at my son's school (there are 3 a month all school year), has never been to any conferences or testings, I think has no idea what meds my son takes. (I have to put it all in a container for morning if I'm not there). He does spend time with him, but will not read anything about AS. I tell him ways to handle him, he listens maybe sometimes. I had my boss at work tell me once that it is very hard for a man to accept the fact that something is wrong with their son. Much more so than a MOM. Any tips on getting him more involved? -Sara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2005 Report Share Posted October 5, 2005 My husband is a very involved father, but I'm the information seeker in the family. Bam's mom Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2005 Report Share Posted October 5, 2005 I thought you were a stay at home dad? Now you wrote that you work 10hrs. every day. Do you mean you work with your son for 10 hrs a day? if yes, do you home school him, do social skills with him? what type of therapy does your wife do with him? do you and your wife do all the teaching for your son instead of services from schools and doctors? if yes, do you see any progress with your son? what kind? thank you Adnan Rafiq <adnan_rafiq@...> wrote: i work ten hours every day. but other than that, every waking moment that I have I spend it working with my son (trying to incorporate some floor time) however, i do admit that my wife does the bulk of the work when it comes to his therapy. --- Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: > I could use a " stay at home dad " lol, > > Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote:Not too > many stay at home dads, > Aye > Dave! > > > natesmama2000@... wrote: > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific > Daylight Time, > adnan_rafiq@... writes: > > Am I the only father here? > > > > My husband reads the posts to my email occasionally. > > > ~ Dawn > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2005 Report Share Posted October 5, 2005 Just make sure you get some time off for your wife. Let her go to the movies or call a girlfriend to go with. Something as simple as that means a lot and can go a long way in revitalizing her and your relationship! Dave Adnan Rafiq <adnan_rafiq@...> wrote: i work ten hours every day. but other than that, every waking moment that I have I spend it working with my son (trying to incorporate some floor time) however, i do admit that my wife does the bulk of the work when it comes to his therapy. --- Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: > I could use a " stay at home dad " lol, > > Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote:Not too > many stay at home dads, > Aye > Dave! > > > natesmama2000@... wrote: > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific > Daylight Time, > adnan_rafiq@... writes: > > Am I the only father here? > > > > My husband reads the posts to my email occasionally. > > > ~ Dawn > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > removed] > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 5, 2005 Report Share Posted October 5, 2005 As a dad, I find it difficult to understand how a dad " cannot " get involved. Maybe it's because I was a single dad and had to be the mom too, but I was always involved. If there is denial, that's one thing, but sharing the duties is another, and doing it for the children is the meaning of parenthood, in my opinion! Dave Have you asked him why he doesn't read AS material? Or why he doesn't attend Dr visits? sara11alex77 <sara61145@...> wrote: Great going all you dads! My husband does not get involved at all. He has never met my son's Psychologist (he has had 2), has never met my son's Psychiatrist (he has had 2), has never been to an IEP meeting, has never been to parent group at my son's school (there are 3 a month all school year), has never been to any conferences or testings, I think has no idea what meds my son takes. (I have to put it all in a container for morning if I'm not there). He does spend time with him, but will not read anything about AS. I tell him ways to handle him, he listens maybe sometimes. I had my boss at work tell me once that it is very hard for a man to accept the fact that something is wrong with their son. Much more so than a MOM. Any tips on getting him more involved? -Sara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2005 Report Share Posted October 6, 2005 No, I actually work as a software architect for corporate America. But, I have given up TV, sports and other forms of entertainment to concentrate for the times I am not working. To be honest, I really don't miss the other activities that I mentioned before. My son is a pure joy! And every moment I spend with him is woth it. I have zero regrets. He is going to school (special education) where they are also starting to mainstream him with regular pre-k children for 30 mins daily. He is also getting speech therapy thrice a week. So far, we have been very pleased, albeit, there are a few major concerns .. more on that later. Except for vitamis and fish oil, we don't give him any medication. We have seen a tremendous improvement in his anxiety. I can now take him to Chuck-e-Cheese, grocery store, malls etc. and the noise doesn't bother him anymore. His motor skills have also improved quite a bit. Just the other day he climbed up on this " alligator tail " structure at the park. Now, it is really steep and long, even for an adult, but he made it up there all by himself. I almost cried! What concerns me still is his language. Its just not improving at a rate that I would like to see. He is 4 now and still talks like a 2-1/2 year old. Also, his understanding and pragmatics are a bit immature. Still now peer play. He can tolerate other kids as long as they are not loud. As for therapy, we are trying techniques from floor time. I get down on the floor with him and play with his toys while talking to him and making him do stuff. He has already stopped spinning the wheels on his truck and now moves it back and forth, open its little doors, and blows its imaginary horn. Another thing is that we don't listen to him unless he verbally asks for something in more than one word. My wife has quit her job so she now takes her to school, speech, swimming lessons and to the park. Hope this helps. --- Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: > I thought you were a stay at home dad? Now you > wrote that you work 10hrs. every day. Do you mean > you work with your son for 10 hrs a day? if yes, do > you home school him, do social skills with him? > what type of therapy does your wife do with him? do > you and your wife do all the teaching for your son > instead of services from schools and doctors? if > yes, do you see any progress with your son? what > kind? thank you > Adnan Rafiq <adnan_rafiq@...> wrote: i work > ten hours every day. but other than that, every > waking moment that I have I spend it working with my > son (trying to incorporate some floor time) > > however, i do admit that my wife does the bulk of > the > work when it comes to his therapy. > > --- Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: > > > I could use a " stay at home dad " lol, > > > > Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote:Not too > > many stay at home dads, > > Aye > > Dave! > > > > > > natesmama2000@... wrote: > > > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific > > Daylight Time, > > adnan_rafiq@... writes: > > > > Am I the only father here? > > > > > > > > My husband reads the posts to my email > occasionally. > > > > > > ~ Dawn > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2005 Report Share Posted October 6, 2005 My husband is a stay at home dad, but he doesn't read this list. Meredith > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, > adnan_rafiq@y... writes: > > Am I the only father here? > > > > My husband reads the posts to my email occasionally. > > ~ Dawn > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2005 Report Share Posted October 6, 2005 Yes, it does help. you both are doing everything I did. My son at 18 months started in early interventions. with O.T, speech, PT (low muscle tone) social skills one on one training. at 8 years old he still gets speech. he didn't start speaking till almost 3 using complete sentences. receives speech to help with pragmatics and social skills. he is in a regular classroom. still have lots of trouble with reading/journal writing. needs constant redirecting. (with prompts) and if told things he can't do, I immediately correct him with the right way to do it, or the things he can't do, I will show him how he " can " do them. so the next time he will do it right and not get into trouble. My son will not figure this out on his own. I also get him very involved in the community, swimming, karate, horses, lakes, parks. The more I involve him in social activities the harder it is for people to tell he has aspergers. He was never on any medications. instead, I just drank an energy drink and off we went. I told him he has aspergers when he was ready (last year). His therapist also explained it to him. He also understands every body is different, not just him. He is basically a very happy boy with a lot of questions. sometimes I or his teachers will tell him, I have to find out that answer for you. I don't treat him like he has a disability but I'm also aware of all concerns. I still supervise him while crossing a street. riding a bike. He would not think about a car backing out of a driveway while riding his bike on the sidewalk. I will have to go over safety first. each and every time. He also has very little (life skills) common sense. He had to be taught each one. (when he goes into the shower, I tell him to use soap) then show him how to wash. He would just let the water run over his body, and not use soap. the milk goes back into the icebox not with the cereal on the shelf. close the freezer or the food would defrost. exec..He is also very literal. I have my own way of working with that. Adnan Rafiq <adnan_rafiq@...> wrote: No, I actually work as a software architect for corporate America. But, I have given up TV, sports and other forms of entertainment to concentrate for the times I am not working. To be honest, I really don't miss the other activities that I mentioned before. My son is a pure joy! And every moment I spend with him is woth it. I have zero regrets. He is going to school (special education) where they are also starting to mainstream him with regular pre-k children for 30 mins daily. He is also getting speech therapy thrice a week. So far, we have been very pleased, albeit, there are a few major concerns .. more on that later. Except for vitamis and fish oil, we don't give him any medication. We have seen a tremendous improvement in his anxiety. I can now take him to Chuck-e-Cheese, grocery store, malls etc. and the noise doesn't bother him anymore. His motor skills have also improved quite a bit. Just the other day he climbed up on this " alligator tail " structure at the park. Now, it is really steep and long, even for an adult, but he made it up there all by himself. I almost cried! What concerns me still is his language. Its just not improving at a rate that I would like to see. He is 4 now and still talks like a 2-1/2 year old. Also, his understanding and pragmatics are a bit immature. Still now peer play. He can tolerate other kids as long as they are not loud. As for therapy, we are trying techniques from floor time. I get down on the floor with him and play with his toys while talking to him and making him do stuff. He has already stopped spinning the wheels on his truck and now moves it back and forth, open its little doors, and blows its imaginary horn. Another thing is that we don't listen to him unless he verbally asks for something in more than one word. My wife has quit her job so she now takes her to school, speech, swimming lessons and to the park. Hope this helps. --- Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: > I thought you were a stay at home dad? Now you > wrote that you work 10hrs. every day. Do you mean > you work with your son for 10 hrs a day? if yes, do > you home school him, do social skills with him? > what type of therapy does your wife do with him? do > you and your wife do all the teaching for your son > instead of services from schools and doctors? if > yes, do you see any progress with your son? what > kind? thank you > Adnan Rafiq <adnan_rafiq@...> wrote: i work > ten hours every day. but other than that, every > waking moment that I have I spend it working with my > son (trying to incorporate some floor time) > > however, i do admit that my wife does the bulk of > the > work when it comes to his therapy. > > --- Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: > > > I could use a " stay at home dad " lol, > > > > Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote:Not too > > many stay at home dads, > > Aye > > Dave! > > > > > > natesmama2000@... wrote: > > > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific > > Daylight Time, > > adnan_rafiq@... writes: > > > > Am I the only father here? > > > > > > > > My husband reads the posts to my email > occasionally. > > > > > > ~ Dawn > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 6, 2005 Report Share Posted October 6, 2005 > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, > adnan_rafiq@y... writes: > > Am I the only father here? ********* I read the post almost every other day. I admit that my wife does the lion's share of the work with my son during the week. When I come home from work, I try to jump right in. On weekends, she knows that I take over with him. I give her that " time-off " . It was especially needed during his earlier years when he did not respond well socially. As for IEPs, meeting teachers (he is in first grade regular class with a para)and doctors visits, I go unless there is a really good reason not to go. I let my bosses know upfront what my situation was, and that I would have to make these meetings. I think it is really important that both parents go to the meeting. Each person has a slightly different perspective on their child and the more input the better the outcome. Rich D Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 Dave: Thanks for the advice. I have tried talking to my wife to get some time off for herself but she (we suspect that she also might be an aspie) is just obsessed with him to the point that sometimes I worry about her health. She has gained 40 lbs. since we found out about my son's PDD (about 10 months ago). Finally, I have asked her mother to come and stay with us for a while (am I a great guy or what ) so she can take care of her. When he was diagnosed we were told that autism causes wrecked marriages. So far, my experience has just been the opposite. Good to know there is a dedicated dad out there. I sincerely hope we can give these kids the best possible future. - Adnan --- Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote: > Just make sure you get some time off for your wife. > Let her go to the movies or call a girlfriend to go > with. Something as simple as that means a lot and > can go a long way in revitalizing her and your > relationship! > Dave > > Adnan Rafiq <adnan_rafiq@...> wrote: > i work ten hours every day. but other than that, > every > waking moment that I have I spend it working with my > son (trying to incorporate some floor time) > > however, i do admit that my wife does the bulk of > the > work when it comes to his therapy. > > --- Rose <beachbodytan2002@...> wrote: > > > I could use a " stay at home dad " lol, > > > > Dave F <davemarineveteran@...> wrote:Not too > > many stay at home dads, > > Aye > > Dave! > > > > > > natesmama2000@... wrote: > > > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific > > Daylight Time, > > adnan_rafiq@... writes: > > > > Am I the only father here? > > > > > > > > My husband reads the posts to my email > occasionally. > > > > > > ~ Dawn > > > > > > [Non-text portions of this message have been > > removed] > > > > > > > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 7, 2005 Report Share Posted October 7, 2005 I have been trying for 6 years to get my husband more involved. I finally think I just take the attitude - I'll handle everything - it's much simpler that way and actually less stressful for me, accept when my husband gets my son riled because he just doesn't understand AS. I think my husband has a little bit of AS. He talks constantly, whether anyone is listening or not. Sometimes he and my son have a discussion where they are both talking endlessly, except they are talking about 2 different things - LOL! That's something to see! My husband also has that attitude that if he's not interested in it, he's not doing it. -Sara Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 11, 2005 Report Share Posted October 11, 2005 Adnan Rafiq <adnan_rafiq@...> wrote: Am I the only father here? We usually have one or two resident fathers on the list. But the number never increases. odd, but one will leave, then we will get a new one. lol. You may stick around longer than that, of course! Roxanna Always Remember You're Unique Just Like Everyone Else --------------------------------- Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 12, 2005 Report Share Posted October 12, 2005 I'm a dad too. I'm just lurking at this point. > Am I the only father here? > > > > We usually have one or two resident fathers on the list. But the number never increases. odd, but one will leave, then we will get a new one. lol. You may stick around longer than that, of course! > > > > > Roxanna > Always Remember You're Unique > Just Like Everyone Else > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > > --------------------------------- > Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it free. > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted October 13, 2005 Report Share Posted October 13, 2005 Duck <erduckjr@...> wrote: > > In a message dated 10/03/05 2:14:00 P.M. Pacific Daylight Time, > adnan_rafiq@y... writes: > > Am I the only father here? ********* I read the post almost every other day. I admit that my wife does the lion's share of the work with my son during the week. When I come home from work, I try to jump right in. On weekends, she knows that I take over with him. I give her that " time-off " . It was especially needed during his earlier years when he did not respond well socially. As for IEPs, meeting teachers (he is in first grade regular class with a para)and doctors visits, I go unless there is a really good reason not to go. I let my bosses know upfront what my situation was, and that I would have to make these meetings. I think it is really important that both parents go to the meeting. Each person has a slightly different perspective on their child and the more input the better the outcome. Rich D Hi Rich! I agree about going to meetings with your wife. It does help. Especially at school meetings, I have found that they listen to my dh much more than to me. We had one really awful sped lady to deal with once and I used to tell my dh what I wanted said before a meeting so he could say it. She agreed with him a lot but never agreed to anything I said! Roxanna Always Remember You're Unique Just Like Everyone Else --------------------------------- Music Unlimited - Access over 1 million songs. Try it free. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Dear Diane, Fathers can be a challenge for us Moms when it comes to our ill children. I had two children who were ill, at the time diagnosed with CFS. My husband, like yours, just thought if he could make them get to school, they could start turning around and get better. I was so frustrated because it seemed that I would comfort them and all he wanted to do was push them. I couldn't believe he could be so unsympathetic. Then we talked to our doctor and he had some wonderful words of wisdom, as a doctor and a father. He explained to us both that the way men and woman face this kind of illness is different. He said in general Moms are the soft and fuzzy comforter who looks out for kids emotions as well as physical needs and the Dads are the ones who rough and tumble on the floor, and have a different relationship with their kids. When our kids get sick it is the Mom's job to take care of the child's needs, make sure they are comfortable and emotionally and physically ok. We are the " hands on " comforters. But the Dad's role is to take the secondary approach of being sure the medical expenses are paid, and that things are done that need to be done. They are the doers, the movers and shakers and the fixers. He said Dads like to " fix " things and they see a sick kid they want a quick fix and if they can just get them to act normal their hope is they will feel better. This really made sense to me and it made me understand a bit more of where my husband was coming from. I realized that illness requires men to take on a different role than they are used to doing. I tried to be more patient with him, and explain to him more about this illness. I explained that how our kids were feeling were out of their control, and if we pushed them to do more than they could, they would pay the price. I read alot and I would highlight or mark passages that explained the issues that my husband did not understand. Over time, he became as much of an advocate for our kids as I was. It took time though. My son was ill from age 6-16 and never diagnosed with Lyme. My daughter was ill from age 2 on, and we realized it was Lyme at age 14. She has been in treatment for the past 6 years. It is so hard as a Mom because so much of this illness falls our our shoulders. We make the appts., prepare for them, handle the meds, do the research, take care of our kids day to day needs, emotional and physical, deal with family, schools, homework, everything. And it can leave little room for their Dads to help out. We have so little energy left over at the end of the day, that there may be little left over to understand why their Dad doesn't get it. But in our family, I was able to help him to understand what was going on, and we got him to support us both instead of fight us. We were lucky, I realize and I hope that you can be too. It is no wonder a lot of marriages do not survive chronic illness. hugs, On 2/13/2011 9:44 PM, Diane Biel wrote: > > I need to be with parents that understand .... my husband just told my > 12 yr daughter that's he is taking her to school in the morning,and > she has to go....this poor girl has only been able to make it about > five days this school year...I am so sick of living with someone who > refuses to understand .... wish we could pack up and leave... ugggg. > Sorry....bless you all!! > Diane > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Thanks so much for sharing your experience.......I wish my husband would have some interest in learning about what we are going though...I have three girls that I have given this to and I am ill myself........are your kids doing better with treatment? I pray so....... Bless you  Diane ________________________________ From: Faces <faces@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 8:59:45 AM Subject: Re: [ ] fathers  Dear Diane, Fathers can be a challenge for us Moms when it comes to our ill children. I had two children who were ill, at the time diagnosed with CFS. My husband, like yours, just thought if he could make them get to school, they could start turning around and get better. I was so frustrated because it seemed that I would comfort them and all he wanted to do was push them. I couldn't believe he could be so unsympathetic. Then we talked to our doctor and he had some wonderful words of wisdom, as a doctor and a father. He explained to us both that the way men and woman face this kind of illness is different. He said in general Moms are the soft and fuzzy comforter who looks out for kids emotions as well as physical needs and the Dads are the ones who rough and tumble on the floor, and have a different relationship with their kids. When our kids get sick it is the Mom's job to take care of the child's needs, make sure they are comfortable and emotionally and physically ok. We are the " hands on " comforters. But the Dad's role is to take the secondary approach of being sure the medical expenses are paid, and that things are done that need to be done. They are the doers, the movers and shakers and the fixers. He said Dads like to " fix " things and they see a sick kid they want a quick fix and if they can just get them to act normal their hope is they will feel better. This really made sense to me and it made me understand a bit more of where my husband was coming from. I realized that illness requires men to take on a different role than they are used to doing. I tried to be more patient with him, and explain to him more about this illness. I explained that how our kids were feeling were out of their control, and if we pushed them to do more than they could, they would pay the price. I read alot and I would highlight or mark passages that explained the issues that my husband did not understand. Over time, he became as much of an advocate for our kids as I was. It took time though. My son was ill from age 6-16 and never diagnosed with Lyme. My daughter was ill from age 2 on, and we realized it was Lyme at age 14. She has been in treatment for the past 6 years. It is so hard as a Mom because so much of this illness falls our our shoulders. We make the appts., prepare for them, handle the meds, do the research, take care of our kids day to day needs, emotional and physical, deal with family, schools, homework, everything. And it can leave little room for their Dads to help out. We have so little energy left over at the end of the day, that there may be little left over to understand why their Dad doesn't get it. But in our family, I was able to help him to understand what was going on, and we got him to support us both instead of fight us. We were lucky, I realize and I hope that you can be too. It is no wonder a lot of marriages do not survive chronic illness. hugs, On 2/13/2011 9:44 PM, Diane Biel wrote: > > I need to be with parents that understand .... my husband just told my > 12 yr daughter that's he is taking her to school in the morning,and > she has to go....this poor girl has only been able to make it about > five days this school year...I am so sick of living with someone who > refuses to understand .... wish we could pack up and leave... ugggg. > Sorry....bless you all!! > Diane > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 My husband has no interest either.. he never wants to hear anything..everythings all in my head with and I get yelled and screamed at.. > > I need to be with parents that understand .... my husband just told my > 12 yr daughter that's he is taking her to school in the morning,and > she has to go....this poor girl has only been able to make it about > five days this school year...I am so sick of living with someone who > refuses to understand .... wish we could pack up and leave... ugggg. > Sorry....bless you all!! > Diane > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 I agree with you - many in the household go undiagnosed.......and how many kids out there are undiagnosed pumped up with meds for all the symptoms......and all the harsh words they must have to endure daily. I have made my husband a few appointments to our llmd in the past......always an excuse not to go - but did go once with the girls and I.....he tells me that he doesn't have time to be sick like us...........he has many of the symptoms......and the bart rage......but you cant force him into anything.......my guess is that he also suffers from this but you can lead a horse to water but you cant make them drink.......no one has a right to abuse anyone....and then to abuse someone who cant just get up and leave is horrid.......my girls and I hear all the time time that we are welcome to leave at any time........just said to us last night that he is sick of living like this....like its our choice to be sick and not be working or going to school...........none of this is fair - to anyone.......if it would make him happy I wish he would just walk away.....dont know how we would survive but when is the point where enough is enough.......its like he only likes us if we are " normal " or can do things.....his parents are the same way - I feel they look down on us because we are ill....what a shame.....why cant people that love eachother just understand.......its a lonely world but thank God I have you guys  I also have my mother and step-father and my father....God is good thanks for all your thoughts.......its just one more of those things we have to endure with this disease......... Bless you - Diane ________________________________ From: Kaethe <batikquilt@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 9:27:54 AM Subject: Re:[ ] fathers  , Thank you so much for your awesome letter. Your explanation was brilliant and it will help so many to read that. Diane and Tiffanie, I am wondering....is it possible your husbands have Lyme? It's stressful enough to have sick children whether you are the mom or the dad. But if you are ill yourself, Diane as you well must know, the stress could be unbearable. I wonder how many of the members of our Lyme households out there are walking around undiagnosed. The best to everyone out there who is ill, and may your healing go well, Kaethe __________________________________________________________ Never miss an email again! Toolbar alerts you the instant new Mail arrives. http://tools.search./toolbar/features/mail/ Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest guest Posted February 15, 2011 Report Share Posted February 15, 2011 Very well said, . My situation has been very similar. The first year my son went undiagnosed, my husband went through the tough-love, " he's going to school today " , he needs a psychiatrist phase. It was a rough year and he learned to finally back-off and let me handle things my way. " Mamma Bear " had to take over. Long story short, when we finally got a diagnosis, I did tons of reading, showed him things that really pertained to our son, he watched the movie and I kept him informed of many of the things said in our local support group. He has gradually come around but it is still hard for him to understand. He too wants a black and white situation w/ a quick fix. Stay with it moms who are also facing this. It doubles the pain and difficulty when you are fighting your husband as well as the medical society! It is so hard to go at it alone but take pride in the fact that YOU are fighting for your child's life. Hopefully when your husbands start seeing improvement in your children (this also helped my husband), then dads will start accepting this. Take care, Elaine ________________________________ From: Faces <faces@...> Sent: Tue, February 15, 2011 6:59:45 AM Subject: Re: [ ] fathers  Dear Diane, Fathers can be a challenge for us Moms when it comes to our ill children. I had two children who were ill, at the time diagnosed with CFS. My husband, like yours, just thought if he could make them get to school, they could start turning around and get better. I was so frustrated because it seemed that I would comfort them and all he wanted to do was push them. I couldn't believe he could be so unsympathetic. Then we talked to our doctor and he had some wonderful words of wisdom, as a doctor and a father. He explained to us both that the way men and woman face this kind of illness is different. He said in general Moms are the soft and fuzzy comforter who looks out for kids emotions as well as physical needs and the Dads are the ones who rough and tumble on the floor, and have a different relationship with their kids. When our kids get sick it is the Mom's job to take care of the child's needs, make sure they are comfortable and emotionally and physically ok. We are the " hands on " comforters. But the Dad's role is to take the secondary approach of being sure the medical expenses are paid, and that things are done that need to be done. They are the doers, the movers and shakers and the fixers. He said Dads like to " fix " things and they see a sick kid they want a quick fix and if they can just get them to act normal their hope is they will feel better. This really made sense to me and it made me understand a bit more of where my husband was coming from. I realized that illness requires men to take on a different role than they are used to doing. I tried to be more patient with him, and explain to him more about this illness. I explained that how our kids were feeling were out of their control, and if we pushed them to do more than they could, they would pay the price. I read alot and I would highlight or mark passages that explained the issues that my husband did not understand. Over time, he became as much of an advocate for our kids as I was. It took time though. My son was ill from age 6-16 and never diagnosed with Lyme. My daughter was ill from age 2 on, and we realized it was Lyme at age 14. She has been in treatment for the past 6 years. It is so hard as a Mom because so much of this illness falls our our shoulders. We make the appts., prepare for them, handle the meds, do the research, take care of our kids day to day needs, emotional and physical, deal with family, schools, homework, everything. And it can leave little room for their Dads to help out. We have so little energy left over at the end of the day, that there may be little left over to understand why their Dad doesn't get it. But in our family, I was able to help him to understand what was going on, and we got him to support us both instead of fight us. We were lucky, I realize and I hope that you can be too. It is no wonder a lot of marriages do not survive chronic illness. hugs, On 2/13/2011 9:44 PM, Diane Biel wrote: > > I need to be with parents that understand .... my husband just told my > 12 yr daughter that's he is taking her to school in the morning,and > she has to go....this poor girl has only been able to make it about > five days this school year...I am so sick of living with someone who > refuses to understand .... wish we could pack up and leave... ugggg. > Sorry....bless you all!! > Diane > > Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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