New and Need Advice Please.

[Guest guest]

Hi, I am new here and never posted before. My son who is usually

very rule oriented and very well behaved, had put glue in a girl's

soup. The stress from the thought of getting in trouble put him into

a rage cycle in the car. Keep in mind that our son only loses

privileges, he is never even spanked and is 8. Anyway, he began

kicking his chair, screaming, cussing, and trying to jump out of the

car. When we reached our house I had to carry him inside because he

tried to runaway. When I went upstairs to talk with him, he looked

like an injured animal, his eyes were darting back and forth and he

was mumbling to himself. He has never acted like this before and I

did not know what to do. He was not himself. We have had outbursts

over " small " things before, but nothing on this large of a scale. He

was even talking about wanting to die. He seems fine now, but I

don't know if we should discuss this more or how I can handle this

better if something similar arises. Does anyone have any advice for

me or experienced anything similar?

And now my husband and I are arguing because in my opinion I focused

on my son's safety, and in his opinion I should have spanked him for

cursing and calling me names. To me the cursing did not seem as

important as keeping him safe, and he seemed out of his element and

behavioral norm, I don't think it would be fair to spank him when he

is not clearly thinking straight (and I am just not comfortable with

hitting anyone) and my husband on the other hand said, " Well that's

what they do in the movies. "

[Guest guest]

On Feb 12, 2006, at 6:36 PM, ppanda65@... wrote:

>

> Pam

>

> Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions for

> Tantrums,

> Rage, and Meltdowns (Paperback)

> by _ Myles_

> (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/

> index=books & field-author-exact=%20%20Myles & rank=-

> relevance,+availabi

> lity,-daterank/102-8503356-3828965) , _Jack Southwick_

> (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/

> index=books & field-author-exact=Jack%20Southwick &

> rank=-relevance,+availability,-daterank/102-8503356-3828965)

>

I just started a reply, but it's wasn't coherent enough. And this is

exactly the book I was going to recommend!

I have it from the library right now....it's overdue and buried under

something in the family room. LOL

We also do removal of privilege (and sometimes adding chores) as

consequences. But there are times

we just now they are simply beyond rational thought. The priority

is to get them somewhere safe

so they can calm down. And they *always* know afterwards that they

spewed out things and want to take them back.

Jackie

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/13/2006 7:25:54 AM Eastern Standard Time,

brian.jonson@... writes:

Our son started the same type of behavior when he turned 8. He kicks,

yells, trys to run away, etc. It's been over a year and it has only gotten

worse. We are seeking various solutions; nothing is working so far.

Is this behavior occuring at home/school or both? What usually preceeds his

outbursts? Change in routine, not getting what he wants, lots of verbal

intervention? Pam

[Guest guest]

Our son started the same type of behavior when he turned 8. He kicks,

yells, trys to run away, etc. It's been over a year and it has only gotten

worse. We are seeking various solutions; nothing is working so far.

Good luck. It isn't easy.

( ) New and Need Advice Please.

> Hi, I am new here and never posted before. My son who is usually

> very rule oriented and very well behaved, had put glue in a girl's

> soup. The stress from the thought of getting in trouble put him into

> a rage cycle in the car. Keep in mind that our son only loses

> privileges, he is never even spanked and is 8. Anyway, he began

> kicking his chair, screaming, cussing, and trying to jump out of the

> car. When we reached our house I had to carry him inside because he

> tried to runaway. When I went upstairs to talk with him, he looked

> like an injured animal, his eyes were darting back and forth and he

> was mumbling to himself. He has never acted like this before and I

> did not know what to do. He was not himself. We have had outbursts

> over " small " things before, but nothing on this large of a scale. He

> was even talking about wanting to die. He seems fine now, but I

> don't know if we should discuss this more or how I can handle this

> better if something similar arises. Does anyone have any advice for

> me or experienced anything similar?

>

> And now my husband and I are arguing because in my opinion I focused

> on my son's safety, and in his opinion I should have spanked him for

> cursing and calling me names. To me the cursing did not seem as

> important as keeping him safe, and he seemed out of his element and

> behavioral norm, I don't think it would be fair to spank him when he

> is not clearly thinking straight (and I am just not comfortable with

> hitting anyone) and my husband on the other hand said, " Well that's

> what they do in the movies. "

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

[Guest guest]

In a message dated 2/12/2006 6:26:34 PM Eastern Standard Time,

peligia@... writes:

" Well that's

what they do in the movies. "

They do a lot of things in the movies that has nothing to do with real life!

My 9 yo does escalate a lot anymore. He starts out with a small happening

and the next thing I know, he is melting apart over a huge problem that he

created in his own mind. This usually does end up discussing that he has to

either run away or kill himself. I get the impression from dealing with him

that he doesn't know what to say or think in these situations - so he just

explodes. I try to tell him a better way to handle the situation but he can't

seem to listen to me when he's upset. So I just focus on calming him down,

distracting his OCD-thoughts somehow. Then later when the moment is done, I

can

discuss it with him. It is not to say he believes me or behaves better next

time. But I hope over time it will help. We are also trialing a med as well

to help him calm down.

As for spanking him, it wouldn't probably have any effect and if it were my

ds, it would only escalate an out of control situation for him. He would

feel even worse, scream louder and decide he should kill himself sooner. So I

wouldn't have done that. I would have calmed him down or let him calm down

and talked about his misbehavior later. He can be then given a suitable

punishment (write the girl an apology? and lose computer game time?) If you

talk

to him when he's regained him composure, he can digest it all better.

I don't think he really means he would kill himself - my son anyway. If you

feel he means that, then you definitely should see a psychiatrist who can

help you sort things out with him. I have known kids to say that because they

only know " mad " and " glad " and that's usually it. Even something small gets

a " really mad. " So I feel he needs to learn about levels of anger and

frustration and ways to make up for a bad deed. that would be more helpful in

the

long run, IMO. Next time he gets in trouble or very upset, you will have

helped teach him other ways to say that without calling you names or wanting to

die over it. But it probably isn't an overnight lesson!

Roxanna ô¿ô

Don't take life too seriously; No one gets out alive.

[Guest guest]

Hi,

All I have to say is " something's up " . If this

behavior is definitely not the norm it should be

explored further. His reaction was extreme, and

although our Aspies tend to have moments of rage, it

sounds as though this was quite extreme for your son.

It could simply be a response to an acute, highly

stressful, event or it could be a sign of something

else. The eyes darting back and forth, talking to

himself, expressing a wish to die, trying to get out

of the car, and uncharacteristic behavior were the

symptoms that led me to question whether this is Aspie

like behavior. I might start by talking to the school

counselor and teacher, ask what dynamics are occuring

at school and whether they have ever observed this

type of behavior. Have there been any other changes

in his life that may have precipitated the situation?

You could sit down and do a written contract with him

that he will do a list of actions during times when

he's feeling sad, frustrated, etc...Express to him

that his comment about wanting to die was very

concerning for you and your husband and that a plan

will be in place if he says that again, ie. emergency

room, doctors appointment. Some adults may question

this plan by saying that now the child will gain

attention by saying they want to die, I disagree with

that assumption. You should always take a comment

like that seriously because as children hit the teen

years, if they don't have the coping skills to handle

stressful situations, they often become depressed and

possibly suicidal. The fear of getting into trouble

is common among all children, however to possibly

contribute to rage like behavior is not common. If he

fears punishment (loss of privledges) to that extent,

could you imagine what the fear of a spanking might

do? Abiding by the rules is very important to your

son, and I speculate that his self-esteem is directly

linked to his ability to follow them. I definitely

recommend, like many other group members, to read the

books on managing behavior and temper outbursts, they

may be very helpful.

Take Care,

--- alaskamom78 <peligia@...> wrote:

> Hi, I am new here and never posted before. My son

> who is usually

> very rule oriented and very well behaved, had put

> glue in a girl's

> soup. The stress from the thought of getting in

> trouble put him into

> a rage cycle in the car. Keep in mind that our son

> only loses

> privileges, he is never even spanked and is 8.

> Anyway, he began

> kicking his chair, screaming, cussing, and trying to

> jump out of the

> car. When we reached our house I had to carry him

> inside because he

> tried to runaway. When I went upstairs to talk with

> him, he looked

> like an injured animal, his eyes were darting back

> and forth and he

> was mumbling to himself. He has never acted like

> this before and I

> did not know what to do. He was not himself. We

> have had outbursts

> over " small " things before, but nothing on this

> large of a scale. He

> was even talking about wanting to die. He seems

> fine now, but I

> don't know if we should discuss this more or how I

> can handle this

> better if something similar arises. Does anyone

> have any advice for

> me or experienced anything similar?

>

> And now my husband and I are arguing because in my

> opinion I focused

> on my son's safety, and in his opinion I should have

> spanked him for

> cursing and calling me names. To me the cursing did

> not seem as

> important as keeping him safe, and he seemed out of

> his element and

> behavioral norm, I don't think it would be fair to

> spank him when he

> is not clearly thinking straight (and I am just not

> comfortable with

> hitting anyone) and my husband on the other hand

> said, " Well that's

> what they do in the movies. "

>

>

>

>

>

>

>

__________________________________________________

[Guest guest]

-

I wonder if something happens to some of our children when they reach

8, it is just an odd coincidence.

-- In , " Jonson "

<brian.jonson@...> wrote:

>

> Our son started the same type of behavior when he turned 8. He

kicks,

> yells, trys to run away, etc. It's been over a year and it has

only gotten

> worse. We are seeking various solutions; nothing is working so far.

>

> Good luck. It isn't easy.

> ( ) New and Need Advice Please.

>

>

> > Hi, I am new here and never posted before. My son who is usually

> > very rule oriented and very well behaved, had put glue in a girl's

> > soup. The stress from the thought of getting in trouble put him

into

> > a rage cycle in the car. Keep in mind that our son only loses

> > privileges, he is never even spanked and is 8. Anyway, he began

> > kicking his chair, screaming, cussing, and trying to jump out of

the

> > car. When we reached our house I had to carry him inside because

he

> > tried to runaway. When I went upstairs to talk with him, he

looked

> > like an injured animal, his eyes were darting back and forth and

he

> > was mumbling to himself. He has never acted like this before and

I

> > did not know what to do. He was not himself. We have had

outbursts

> > over " small " things before, but nothing on this large of a

scale. He

> > was even talking about wanting to die. He seems fine now, but I

> > don't know if we should discuss this more or how I can handle this

> > better if something similar arises. Does anyone have any advice

for

> > me or experienced anything similar?

> >

> > And now my husband and I are arguing because in my opinion I

focused

> > on my son's safety, and in his opinion I should have spanked him

for

> > cursing and calling me names. To me the cursing did not seem as

> > important as keeping him safe, and he seemed out of his element

and

> > behavioral norm, I don't think it would be fair to spank him when

he

> > is not clearly thinking straight (and I am just not comfortable

with

> > hitting anyone) and my husband on the other hand said, " Well

that's

> > what they do in the movies. "

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

Thank you, I will read those books.

> >

> > Pam

> >

> > Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions

for

> > Tantrums,

> > Rage, and Meltdowns (Paperback)

> > by _ Myles_

> > (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/

> > index=books & field-author-exact=%20%20Myles & rank=-

> > relevance,+availabi

> > lity,-daterank/102-8503356-3828965) , _Jack Southwick_

> > (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/

> > index=books & field-author-exact=Jack%20Southwick &

> > rank=-relevance,+availability,-daterank/102-8503356-3828965)

> >

>

> I just started a reply, but it's wasn't coherent enough. And this

is

> exactly the book I was going to recommend!

> I have it from the library right now....it's overdue and buried

under

> something in the family room. LOL

>

> We also do removal of privilege (and sometimes adding chores) as

> consequences. But there are times

> we just now they are simply beyond rational thought. The

priority

> is to get them somewhere safe

> so they can calm down. And they *always* know afterwards that

they

> spewed out things and want to take them back.

>

> Jackie

>

>

[Guest guest]

My soon-to-be 6 yo is already hitting and kicking me and gets placed

in the " naughty chair " for either occurance. We tell him why is

being placed in the chair and he sits for 1 minute for each year

old. Afterwards we discuss what he did to get placed in the naughty

chair and then he reiterates... " If kicks mommy, sits in

the naughty chair. " What I'm hearing is that the tantrums get

worse....yikes.

What I have seen with our DS is that his tantrums increase right

before he has a peak in his learning/comprehending. Our son also

does a lot of self stimulation/self talk behaviors which we are

trying real hard to cut down. Admittidly, it is hard work!

Thanks for mentioning the books, I too will have to buy them or check

them out from the library because I honestly believe the " naughty

chair " will only work for a little while longer.

> >

> > Pam

> >

> > Asperger Syndrome and Difficult Moments: Practical Solutions

for

> > Tantrums,

> > Rage, and Meltdowns (Paperback)

> > by _ Myles_

> > (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/

> > index=books & field-author-exact=%20%20Myles & rank=-

> > relevance,+availabi

> > lity,-daterank/102-8503356-3828965) , _Jack Southwick_

> > (http://www.amazon.com/exec/obidos/search-handle-url/

> > index=books & field-author-exact=Jack%20Southwick &

> > rank=-relevance,+availability,-daterank/102-8503356-3828965)

> >

>

> I just started a reply, but it's wasn't coherent enough. And this

is

> exactly the book I was going to recommend!

> I have it from the library right now....it's overdue and buried

under

> something in the family room. LOL

>

> We also do removal of privilege (and sometimes adding chores) as

> consequences. But there are times

> we just now they are simply beyond rational thought. The

priority

> is to get them somewhere safe

> so they can calm down. And they *always* know afterwards that

they

> spewed out things and want to take them back.

>

> Jackie

>

>

[Guest guest]

My daughter started having more problems at about third grade. The teacher said

that third grade changes in the amount of independent work expected and the

other factors so that is when previously undiagnosed ADHD shows up. I assume

that the same is true of aspergers. In a word school gets tougher in third

grade.

alaskamom78 <peligia@...> wrote:

-

I wonder if something happens to some of our children when they reach

8, it is just an odd coincidence.

-- In , " Jonson "

<brian.jonson@...> wrote:

>

> Our son started the same type of behavior when he turned 8. He

kicks,

> yells, trys to run away, etc. It's been over a year and it has

only gotten

> worse. We are seeking various solutions; nothing is working so far.

>

> Good luck. It isn't easy.

> ( ) New and Need Advice Please.

>

>

> > Hi, I am new here and never posted before. My son who is usually

> > very rule oriented and very well behaved, had put glue in a girl's

> > soup. The stress from the thought of getting in trouble put him

into

> > a rage cycle in the car. Keep in mind that our son only loses

> > privileges, he is never even spanked and is 8. Anyway, he began

> > kicking his chair, screaming, cussing, and trying to jump out of

the

> > car. When we reached our house I had to carry him inside because

he

> > tried to runaway. When I went upstairs to talk with him, he

looked

> > like an injured animal, his eyes were darting back and forth and

he

> > was mumbling to himself. He has never acted like this before and

I

> > did not know what to do. He was not himself. We have had

outbursts

> > over " small " things before, but nothing on this large of a

scale. He

> > was even talking about wanting to die. He seems fine now, but I

> > don't know if we should discuss this more or how I can handle this

> > better if something similar arises. Does anyone have any advice

for

> > me or experienced anything similar?

> >

> > And now my husband and I are arguing because in my opinion I

focused

> > on my son's safety, and in his opinion I should have spanked him

for

> > cursing and calling me names. To me the cursing did not seem as

> > important as keeping him safe, and he seemed out of his element

and

> > behavioral norm, I don't think it would be fair to spank him when

he

> > is not clearly thinking straight (and I am just not comfortable

with

> > hitting anyone) and my husband on the other hand said, " Well

that's

> > what they do in the movies. "

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

> >

[Guest guest]

At a certain point, the " naughty chair " simply becomes their room. For

years, when my son's behavior became unacceptable, he was asked to

leave and go to his room until he could compose himself. We never ask

him to leave now, but sometimes he feels out of control and goes up

there on his own accord. It's his safe haven. At night, he and the dog

hang out, all snuggled up in the blankets. It's very cute.

liz

On Feb 13, 2006, at 1:59 PM, Reid wrote:

> My soon-to-be 6 yo is already hitting and kicking me and gets placed

> in the " naughty chair " for either occurance. We tell him why is

> being placed in the chair and he sits for 1 minute for each year

> old. Afterwards we discuss what he did to get placed in the naughty

> chair and then he reiterates... " If kicks mommy, sits in

> the naughty chair. " What I'm hearing is that the tantrums get

> worse....yikes.