Re: A week with the in-laws (infuriating!!!!)

July 23, 2006

,

I decided a long time ago that I'm no longer Mrs. Nice Guy. When

someone is out of line with my son, I let 'em have it between the

eyes. Right in front of my son. I feel that it's important for him to

see that I'm not going to let someone run roughshod over him. I even

do this to his dad on occasion. His dad is graceful enough to say

" Thank you for pointing that out to me. " I don't blame you for being

upset. I'd be upset too, under the circs. Liz

On Jul 23, 2006, at 8:54 PM, heres2pyrs wrote:

> Hello all,

>

> just wanted to vent a bit about a visit with my inlaws. We only see

> them once a year for a week at our son's birthday. We live in PA and

> they live in WA. We communicate by email and occasionally by phone

> but they believe that they are the foremost authority on !

> LOL Just wondering if anybody else has had experiences with family

> members making inappropriate comments and how you handle them!

>

> Day #1 we went to their hotel and within 5 minutes, things started to

> get dicey! was great, greeted them with hugs and kisses and

> then was playing with my FIL's laptop. My son loves to use the

> internet (he just turned 4) and he can type in the url's of his

> favorite sites. He went to the Wiggles website and FIL says (in his

> most professional tone), " So, do you think his AS 'thing' is going to

> be The Wiggles? " My husband and I both disgusted that he would come

> out and say that sneered and said, " No " and he said, " So what do you

> think it'll be? Music? " DH says, " Yeah, maybe. " to shut him up!

> Then the doozie of them all- out of the blue he says, " If I was just

> meeting him for the first time, I wouldn't know. " Again, I squint at

> him and say, " Know what? " and he says, " That he has 'issues' " . I was

> ready to pack up my kid and leave them there-he's not a circus side

> show to be gawked at. Would it have been more appropriate if he had

> been banging his head against the wall or throwing a fit on the floor?

>

> We invited 's TSS worker to his party and FIL spent a good

> part of the afternoon grilling her to the point of her being

> uncomfortable. He just won't let it go!

>

> A couple days later, we were all at the mall, was eating his

> ice cream and for some reason the 'odd' uncle in MIL's family came

> up. Anti social, didn't like change, etc...FIL says " Maybe he has

> the same developmental problems does. " That was the last

> straw. DH finally told him NOT to talk about that stuff in front of

> . Come on! How rude can you get!!!!!

>

> The last day they were here was a tough day. We went to the Crayola

> Factory in Easton which is almost 70 miles from us. was in

> good spirits but was clearly on sensory overload, buzzing around and

> not listening. We left and drove the 70 miles back home and promptly

> went to a sit down restaurant to eat. Not good for an active kid who

> just spent an hour and a half riding in the car. DH and I can handle

> him and we give him a little extra leway on tough days. He was

> blowing bubbles in his soda. I personally don't object to it, we

> were in a loud, family oriented restaurant and he wasn't bothering

> anybody. If it's blowing bubbles in his soda or running circles

> around the table, I'll take the bubbles, TYVM!! LOL FIL starts

> barking at him about how rude it is to blow bubbles in his soda and I

> tell him that it's OT. LOL!! FIL then again in his most

> professional voice says, " He's really testing you tonight. " Yeah,

> he's a four year old boy, not a friggin robot. I was so ready for

> them to go, I can't even tell you.

>

> Ahhh, I feel much better...I hope someone else has a story for me so

> I know that we're not alone!!!

>

July 24, 2006

,

You will probably appreciate your in-laws subtelty after reading

this. Several months ago, my " future " in-laws came to visit. My AS

son is 11, and has very unpredictable, sometimes violent behaviors.

This makes childcare and me working virtually impossible. I am paid

through a state grant, as his PCA. This allows me to stay home and

take care of him, even though I would be much happier with the job I

HAD to quit when Jake came home from residential care three years

ago. We moved into a very nice home last year, pretty far from the

city, so it isn't too expensive. My furure MIL had refused to step

foot into my house because... " Her tax dollars were paying my rent for

such a nice house " (she works part time in a dry cleaners, her

husband pays all the bills....nice for her). Anyway, one day she

finally came over, she reluctantly came into my home, didn't make it

past the entry way and she said, and I quote.... " You need to whip

that kids ass and get him in daycare and get off your lazy ass and

get a job! " .......I was shocked. As soon as I could speak, I told her

she needed to leave my home, we still don't speak. I tried to write

her a letter and explain what Autism is, and how it affects Jake, she

wouldn't even read it. She can screw off with the rest of society

that marks us as bad parents and our kids as spoiled brats that just

need a good ass whipping.

Theresa

>

> Hello all,

>

> just wanted to vent a bit about a visit with my inlaws. We only

see

> them once a year for a week at our son's birthday. We live in PA

and

> they live in WA. We communicate by email and occasionally by phone

> but they believe that they are the foremost authority on !

> LOL Just wondering if anybody else has had experiences with family

> members making inappropriate comments and how you handle them!

>

> Day #1 we went to their hotel and within 5 minutes, things started

to

> get dicey! was great, greeted them with hugs and kisses

and

> then was playing with my FIL's laptop. My son loves to use the

> internet (he just turned 4) and he can type in the url's of his

> favorite sites. He went to the Wiggles website and FIL says (in

his

> most professional tone), " So, do you think his AS 'thing' is going

to

> be The Wiggles? " My husband and I both disgusted that he would

come

> out and say that sneered and said, " No " and he said, " So what do

you

> think it'll be? Music? " DH says, " Yeah, maybe. " to shut him up!

> Then the doozie of them all- out of the blue he says, " If I was

just

> meeting him for the first time, I wouldn't know. " Again, I squint

at

> him and say, " Know what? " and he says, " That he has 'issues' " . I

was

> ready to pack up my kid and leave them there-he's not a circus side

> show to be gawked at. Would it have been more appropriate if he

had

> been banging his head against the wall or throwing a fit on the

floor?

>

> We invited 's TSS worker to his party and FIL spent a good

> part of the afternoon grilling her to the point of her being

> uncomfortable. He just won't let it go!

>

> A couple days later, we were all at the mall, was eating

his

> ice cream and for some reason the 'odd' uncle in MIL's family came

> up. Anti social, didn't like change, etc...FIL says " Maybe he has

> the same developmental problems does. " That was the last

> straw. DH finally told him NOT to talk about that stuff in front

of

> . Come on! How rude can you get!!!!!

>

> The last day they were here was a tough day. We went to the

Crayola

> Factory in Easton which is almost 70 miles from us. was

in

> good spirits but was clearly on sensory overload, buzzing around

and

> not listening. We left and drove the 70 miles back home and

promptly

> went to a sit down restaurant to eat. Not good for an active kid

who

> just spent an hour and a half riding in the car. DH and I can

handle

> him and we give him a little extra leway on tough days. He was

> blowing bubbles in his soda. I personally don't object to it, we

> were in a loud, family oriented restaurant and he wasn't bothering

> anybody. If it's blowing bubbles in his soda or running circles

> around the table, I'll take the bubbles, TYVM!! LOL FIL starts

> barking at him about how rude it is to blow bubbles in his soda and

I

> tell him that it's OT. LOL!! FIL then again in his most

> professional voice says, " He's really testing you tonight. " Yeah,

> he's a four year old boy, not a friggin robot. I was so ready for

> them to go, I can't even tell you.

>

> Ahhh, I feel much better...I hope someone else has a story for me

so

> I know that we're not alone!!!

>

July 24, 2006

Hey there. My inlaws are only beginning to understand what autism

means for our son. A few inappropriate comments still happen, but not

at the level you are experiencing. Still not good though. Peace.

Dave

> >

> > Hello all,

> >

> > just wanted to vent a bit about a visit with my inlaws. We only

> see

> > them once a year for a week at our son's birthday. We live in PA

> and

> > they live in WA. We communicate by email and occasionally by

phone

> > but they believe that they are the foremost authority on

!

> > LOL Just wondering if anybody else has had experiences with

family

> > members making inappropriate comments and how you handle them!

> >

> > Day #1 we went to their hotel and within 5 minutes, things

started

> to

> > get dicey! was great, greeted them with hugs and kisses

> and

> > then was playing with my FIL's laptop. My son loves to use the

> > internet (he just turned 4) and he can type in the url's of his

> > favorite sites. He went to the Wiggles website and FIL says (in

> his

> > most professional tone), " So, do you think his AS 'thing' is

going

> to

> > be The Wiggles? " My husband and I both disgusted that he would

> come

> > out and say that sneered and said, " No " and he said, " So what do

> you

> > think it'll be? Music? " DH says, " Yeah, maybe. " to shut him

up!

> > Then the doozie of them all- out of the blue he says, " If I was

> just

> > meeting him for the first time, I wouldn't know. " Again, I

squint

> at

> > him and say, " Know what? " and he says, " That he has 'issues' " . I

> was

> > ready to pack up my kid and leave them there-he's not a circus

side

> > show to be gawked at. Would it have been more appropriate if he

> had

> > been banging his head against the wall or throwing a fit on the

> floor?

> >

> > We invited 's TSS worker to his party and FIL spent a

good

> > part of the afternoon grilling her to the point of her being

> > uncomfortable. He just won't let it go!

> >

> > A couple days later, we were all at the mall, was eating

> his

> > ice cream and for some reason the 'odd' uncle in MIL's family

came

> > up. Anti social, didn't like change, etc...FIL says " Maybe he

has

> > the same developmental problems does. " That was the

last

> > straw. DH finally told him NOT to talk about that stuff in front

> of

> > . Come on! How rude can you get!!!!!

> >

> > The last day they were here was a tough day. We went to the

> Crayola

> > Factory in Easton which is almost 70 miles from us. was

> in

> > good spirits but was clearly on sensory overload, buzzing around

> and

> > not listening. We left and drove the 70 miles back home and

> promptly

> > went to a sit down restaurant to eat. Not good for an active kid

> who

> > just spent an hour and a half riding in the car. DH and I can

> handle

> > him and we give him a little extra leway on tough days. He was

> > blowing bubbles in his soda. I personally don't object to it, we

> > were in a loud, family oriented restaurant and he wasn't

bothering

> > anybody. If it's blowing bubbles in his soda or running circles

> > around the table, I'll take the bubbles, TYVM!! LOL FIL starts

> > barking at him about how rude it is to blow bubbles in his soda

and

> I

> > tell him that it's OT. LOL!! FIL then again in his most

> > professional voice says, " He's really testing you tonight. "

Yeah,

> > he's a four year old boy, not a friggin robot. I was so ready

for

> > them to go, I can't even tell you.

> >

> > Ahhh, I feel much better...I hope someone else has a story for me

> so

> > I know that we're not alone!!!

> >

>

July 24, 2006

Theresa, your MIL sounds like a real u-know-what!! Ew! How could

anyone even have the balls to make comments like that? I'm so sorry

that you have to deal with that!

My inlaws are more brain than heart (FIL mostly) and I guess he has

to 'analyze' everything in order to understand it. My mom on the

other hand is more heart and will cry and cry when she thinks about

any struggles we may have ahead of us. Both sides irk me

truthfully. But mostly it makes me sad that " AS " is the first thing

they think of when they see him. If the worst thing the kid ever

does in life is stand too close when he talks to you or recite

commercials, he's in pretty good shape!

> > >

> > > Hello all,

> > >

> > > just wanted to vent a bit about a visit with my inlaws. We

only

> > see

> > > them once a year for a week at our son's birthday. We live in

PA

> > and

> > > they live in WA. We communicate by email and occasionally by

> phone

> > > but they believe that they are the foremost authority on

> !

> > > LOL Just wondering if anybody else has had experiences with

> family

> > > members making inappropriate comments and how you handle them!

> > >

> > > Day #1 we went to their hotel and within 5 minutes, things

> started

> > to

> > > get dicey! was great, greeted them with hugs and

kisses

> > and

> > > then was playing with my FIL's laptop. My son loves to use the

> > > internet (he just turned 4) and he can type in the url's of his

> > > favorite sites. He went to the Wiggles website and FIL says

(in

> > his

> > > most professional tone), " So, do you think his AS 'thing' is

> going

> > to

> > > be The Wiggles? " My husband and I both disgusted that he would

> > come

> > > out and say that sneered and said, " No " and he said, " So what

do

> > you

> > > think it'll be? Music? " DH says, " Yeah, maybe. " to shut him

> up!

> > > Then the doozie of them all- out of the blue he says, " If I was

> > just

> > > meeting him for the first time, I wouldn't know. " Again, I

> squint

> > at

> > > him and say, " Know what? " and he says, " That he has 'issues' " .

I

> > was

> > > ready to pack up my kid and leave them there-he's not a circus

> side

> > > show to be gawked at. Would it have been more appropriate if

he

> > had

> > > been banging his head against the wall or throwing a fit on the

> > floor?

> > >

> > > We invited 's TSS worker to his party and FIL spent a

> good

> > > part of the afternoon grilling her to the point of her being

> > > uncomfortable. He just won't let it go!

> > >

> > > A couple days later, we were all at the mall, was

eating

> > his

> > > ice cream and for some reason the 'odd' uncle in MIL's family

> came

> > > up. Anti social, didn't like change, etc...FIL says " Maybe he

> has

> > > the same developmental problems does. " That was the

> last

> > > straw. DH finally told him NOT to talk about that stuff in

front

> > of

> > > . Come on! How rude can you get!!!!!

> > >

> > > The last day they were here was a tough day. We went to the

> > Crayola

> > > Factory in Easton which is almost 70 miles from us.

was

> > in

> > > good spirits but was clearly on sensory overload, buzzing

around

> > and

> > > not listening. We left and drove the 70 miles back home and

> > promptly

> > > went to a sit down restaurant to eat. Not good for an active

kid

> > who

> > > just spent an hour and a half riding in the car. DH and I can

> > handle

> > > him and we give him a little extra leway on tough days. He was

> > > blowing bubbles in his soda. I personally don't object to it,

we

> > > were in a loud, family oriented restaurant and he wasn't

> bothering

> > > anybody. If it's blowing bubbles in his soda or running

circles

> > > around the table, I'll take the bubbles, TYVM!! LOL FIL

starts

> > > barking at him about how rude it is to blow bubbles in his soda

> and

> > I

> > > tell him that it's OT. LOL!! FIL then again in his most

> > > professional voice says, " He's really testing you tonight. "

> Yeah,

> > > he's a four year old boy, not a friggin robot. I was so ready

> for

> > > them to go, I can't even tell you.

> > >

> > > Ahhh, I feel much better...I hope someone else has a story for

me

> > so

> > > I know that we're not alone!!!

> > >

> >

>

July 24, 2006

Hi !

We can relate!! My DH hasn't bothered to call and tell his mom that

was diagnosed--the last time he mentioned the testing, she changed the subject

to her favorite niece who, in the eyes of his mom's family, is perfect and can

do no wrong. His dad has been living out here (we're in WA) for the last few

months and when (my DH) is around, is just in awe of how we're able to

handle ' condition and we must have been destined to work with special

needs children. When DH isn't around, FIL goes off at me about how there isn't a

thing wrong with and all he needs is a really good, hard beating to get

him to stop his behaviors. I'm too soft on the child and that's why he's the way

he is. You can just imagine the reaction when DH informed FIL that DH has the

same tendencies as and that he wouldn't be surprised if that's what

FIL's problem is in life, as well!! I'm really looking forward to his dad going

back to Missouri in a few weeks!!

My parents/family, on the other hand, has been nothing but supportive and

loving where is concerned. We've all known he was a little different

from the time he was born and they've accepted his little eccentricities and

flow with it!! : ) My mom always says he reminds her of my middle brother and my

dad, so what's not to love? But, I guess my side is a little more accepting of

special needs--my biological niece/legal little sister has CP, microcephalitis,

hearing/vision problems, MR, and a seizure disorder and several people have

asked mom if little sister, too, has autism on top of it all. Plus, depression,

anxiety, and ADHD run rampant in the family!! We suspect AS does, too. I guess

when the whole family is mental, what's one more!! ROFL : )

Nice to know we're not alone!!

mother of /8/anxiety, GERD, asthma

/6/AS, anxiety, epilepsy, asthma

Hunter/4/NT, asthma

Dylan/1/NT

July 24, 2006

I have a FIL and his girlfriend, (mil passed away before I met my Husband).

According to my FIL Hunter should out grow his behavioral challenges by the time

he is 10. He thinks that we are over protective of Hunter and that I am causing

all his problems. Every time we see my FIl the girlfriend tells Hunter how

stupid he is because he is not doing something her kids or grandkids could do at

his age. They won't watch after my kids, but will watch my BIL's kids because

they are typical kids. It is very heart breaking and up setting to see how

Hunter craves their aproval and love and affection and gets nothing from them.

I know it may not be the same thing you experience. But I hope it made you

feel a little better,

Leanne Back

---------------------------------

Talk is cheap. Use Messenger to make PC-to-Phone calls. Great rates

starting at 1¢/min.

July 25, 2006

I would definitely not go to visit fil and his girlfriend any time soon! What a

witch!

Roxanna

Re: ( ) A week with the in-laws (infuriating!!!!)