adoption

August 5, 1999

Lee Ann,

I too ama both a birth parent and an adoptive parent. My children aren't as

special needs as your's, but we have had many issues and things to deal with.

My favorite books growing up were " Cheaper by the Dozen " and " The Family

Nobody Wanted " . I grew up knowing I would adopt and did so three times

before having a birth child. I got really bad about a year or so after our

latest adoptions and so I too am done. It was really hard for me to grasp

that reality. Most people think I'm nuts, given the number of kids we have,

but I didn't know that I was done (necessarily) when we got the last two. Of

course, my husband the accountant knew we were done. I was the last to know

and come to that conclusion. Our kids range in age from 5-23. Only three

little ones left at home. I often joke that the older kids got the best of

me in more ways than one. Many a truth is spoken in jest I suppose, so I

guess I feel bad that my younger kids have to ask each day how I feel, before

we can make plans. It gets me down sometimes.

Amy

August 6, 1999

Oh thank you Amy,

It makes me feel a little better about this difficult decision to

know someone else has been there too. We have been very blessed

in the fact that out special needs babies have no health problems

just Downs. Just delayed by 6 months or so. They are very

healthy active little ones. It feels like my heart is being

ripped out. My husband really doesn't get why letting go of the

hope of adding to our already large family is so hard. My good

sense is telling me I have all I can handle now with this PA

diagnosis. And I know that we are done. I am working on dealing

with this the best way I can. I mourned for the children I could

not give birth too, one that I miscarried and now this. God will

get me through this and I will be fine. I am glad there is

someone else out there who people think is " nuts " for wanting

more kids! I know my husband is worried about me and he does

have my best interest at heart - his too- so I am not being hard

on him about his good sense. I just really don't want to hear it

though but I know he is right.

Lee Ann

August 6, 1999

.. I often joke that the older kids got the best of

>me in more ways than one. Many a truth is spoken in jest I suppose, so I

>guess I feel bad that my younger kids have to ask each day how I feel, before

>we can make plans. It gets me down sometimes.

>

>Amy

Amy,

Someone said somethng to me recently about this very subject. I was feeling

the same sorrow and frustration that I can't be all I want to be and do all

I want to do for my children, and my friend reminded me that memories can be

made anywhere and anytime. If they remember mom's love, that's the most

important thing.

You're also giving your children (we all are) a priceless opportunity to

learn empathy, sensitivity to others early in life, as well as how to serve

others--when children learn to serve, they learn to lead and become givers

in life instead of takers. If we can focus on the love in our homes instead

of always what we can't do, the children will grow up happy and full of the

ability to love others.

If we are always apologizing and making the kids think that they are

missing out on this event or that thing, they will grow up disappointed and

frustrated with life. They'll pick up on our attitude. We are their mirror

of what life is about, and how to live life. We have a unique and wonderful

opportunity with our conditions to give life lessons to our children that

will help them grow into the very best kind of adults--the kind that have

the inner strength to make their part of the world a better place.

We can't change our circumstances much, but we have all power to choose how

we act within our circumstances. Looking at the ways our condition can

enhance our ability to parent is a way to turn all this pain and difficulty,

all this adversity, into a blessing both for us and our families.

And for those who aren't parents, it can also be a way to bring those around

us into an awareness and greater sensitivity to others as well. We just have

to look for the opportunities to speak out in kindness and with gentleness,

and forgive others' ignorance in the meantime. Is it naive to think that

those of us in the workplace could ask for an opportunity too organize

and/or present a workshop on learning greater sensitivity to hidden

handicaps like PA and RA, etc.?

At the very least, keeping a positive attitude, believing and looking for

ways to see our condition as a blessing instead of a curse, we will be

happier. And ultimately, isn't that even more important than having

excellent health? After all, real happiness -- an abiding peace and joy --

is a state of mind and heart, and not dependent on circumstances.

Just some thoughts I've been having since my friend pointed it out to me :-)

Kathy Fowkes

fowkes@...

June 9, 2001

I wish that social worker could see the number of families with LP parents and

their children of various sizes running around any LPA conference. After

attending two national conferences, I have yet to see any parents having

problems handling their kids because of their height. Really, the respect I

have for my mom has nothing to do with her HEIGHT. She's 5'9 " , I'm 4'2 " , but if

it were the other way around I'd still feel the same way about her! And I'm

sure my brother, who is eight years younger and of average height, would agree

that height has little to do with sibling authority. :-)

Unfortunately I know absolutely nothing about adoption so I can't help there.

But if that woman has that attitude she obviously needs some educating.

--

Adoption

Hi,

This is a question for any lp's that have tried to adopt a child. My husband

and I were turned down by Korea for adoption. They stated they would give us

a dwarf baby but not an average size child. They said a dwarf child comes

along every 5 to ten years!!! My husband and I are eager to start a family

and do not want to wait that long for a child. We want 'any' child who needs

a loving home.

Has any lp tried foreign or domestic adoption of an average size children? If

so were you successful in obtaining a child? Also can you let me know what

agencies you were successful with.

Our adoption agency was for us. The President of the agency flew to Korea to

plead our case but it did not turn out in our favor. Because we live about

156 miles from the adoption agency , we had to use Catholic Charities for the

homestudy. Now here is where we have problems. The social worker from

Catholic Charities is against us raising ANY child regardless if average size

or dwarf!!! She feels because of our size we would have problems as parents.

She was forced into doing the homestudy from the adoption agency.

Please help. Any information concerning lp's and adoption would be greatly

appreciated.

Sincerely,

Donna and .

June 10, 2001

No matter what the religion you are always going to have " those " social

workers who shouldn't be social workers at all. I'm surprised she didn't

wear white gloves and check under the toilet seat.

My cousins have both adopted from Russia. They too have had bad luck but

with China. I think it's an Asian culture thing.

From what I understand Russia is easier to adopt from.

Karin

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June 10, 2001

Donna and ...these stories make me fume, just as much as you and the

rest of the list. There is a diastrophic woman with an average husband here

in Michigan that adopted a 4 month old baby girl from Guatemala. They

already had a biological daughter 13 years prior. The LP Mom has had

numerous medical problems and was still identified as the primary stay at

home parent. They used Bethany Christian Services Adoption in Grand Rapids,

Michigan. To my knowledge they didn't have " LP " issues to deal with with the

agency. If I can help make any connections for you, let me know.

Kate Wolters

June 10, 2001

Donna & -

Remind Catholic Charities that The Americans with Disabilities Act protects

prospective adoptive parents with disabilities, guaranteeing equal opportunity

to participate in and benefit from services provided by public and private

adoption agencies. Rejection of individuals with disabilities as prospective

adoptive parents will violate the ADA and expose adoption agencies to liability.

We adopted three individual short statured children by means of a private

independent licensed attorney and two separate public agencies. However,

Catholic Social Services conducted our initial 10 week pre-adoptive home study

to determine if we were able to meet the psycho-social and physical needs of any

child available for adoption. The study consisted of three face-to-face

interviews and a home visit along with autobiographical statements, health

statements, child abuse and criminal clearance, income statements, character

references, etc. Catholic Social Services categorically denied our eligibility

to parent average statured children. Here's the irony -- we were NOT screened

out of consideration to parent particularly hard-to-place disabled and/or

severely disabled children or " at-risk " children of any stature.

We identified our own children through LPA. We selected CSS to conduct the post

placement supervision for two of our children, and Lutheran Social Services

conducted post placement supervision for one -- until legal finalization.

Being evaluated as potential parents is an intimidating and confusing process.

We know.

Bill, & Kids

Aucott@...